Can We Dump Our FEARS?

Can We Dump Our FEARS?

Can We Dump Our FEARS?  Tough task.  Tough ask.  That's a tough question, dude.  WHY?  Because there's a long list of fears and that list gets stretched if we include all the kinds of phobias.  And you'll be surprised, just for the phobias, there is a 500-long list [as per the Phobia List Website].  So, we DON'T want to get waylaid into that mile-long list of phobias BUT instead focus on the three main fears namely, ABANDONMENT, FAILURE and DEATH.  And we'll take all these up shortly but the quick ASK now.  What triggers most our FEARs📗📙📘

Allow me please to piggy-back on this cover by Jane Wong, a noted Chinese-American poet.  And I'd like to give my 2-cents here and I firmly believe that the common trigger of our FEARS boils down to a 2-word thing spelled W-H-A-T  I-F.  WHAT IF I pursue that course and I fail to hurdle the State Board Exam?  WHAT IF I immigrate but struggle to find a decent job there?  WHAT IF I marry her and I end up with responsibilities way beyond my capacity?  WHAT IF I accept that job offer but fail to 'deliver the goods'?  WHAT IF I invest in stocks and I lose my investment instead?  WHAT IF I buy myself a comprehensive medical insurance but I would hardly get sick, so how can I recoup my payments?  WHAT IF I order online but the product is inferior!@#$?

We can go on and on and do we agree that the common culprit [at least in the above examples] are all the WHAT IFs!@#$?  So, how can we expect someone to really make a move and make a decision and execute that decision if he/she gets hampered with all these WHAT IFs.  We're NOT making a 180-degree turn here and disown WHAT IFs because in a bit, I'll clarify as to when should we invoke WHAT IFs📌📌📌

So, before I get pounced, WHEN do we invoke WHAT IFs?  It is when we are going through a FEASIBILITY or PLANNING exercise wherein we inject all the WHAT IFs.  This is the appropriate perspective for the WHAT IFs as you go through that iteration cycle and come up with the best optimal option.  BUT for us to invoke WHAT IFs each time we are in the middle of taking action or making a move, I'm afraid that will be akin to ANALYSIS PARALYSIS❎❎❎

Instead, we'd like to encourage everyone that while there is no 'silver bullet' solution in handling our FEARS, let us increase both our awareness and our consciousness that if our WHAT IFs gets stretched, how far can we 'nip in the bud' when FEAR starts creeping❓❓❓

Never FORCE Yourself To Use FORCE

Never FORCE Yourself To Use FORCE

Never FORCE Yourself To Use FORCE.  We would often hear that as a reminder to the police and the army personnel BUT did we ever hear that REMINDER to every layman like us?  I can't remember, NOT even once.  But early today, I overheard an American retiree sharing her words of wisdom in FB.  And that woke me up [too late though] to realize that one too many conflicts in life did and do happen because at least one party 'FORCED' his way💴💷💵

Let's walk back down our respective 'MEMORY LANES' and let's recall.  WHERE there time times in the past when you seemed to FORCE your very opinionated side on others?  OR was it WHEN you FORCED your preferred option as the way to go without securing the concurrence/consent of the other party?  OR was there a time you wanted to go 'malling' OR shopping but your partner/spouse gave you a cold shoulder and YET, you still FORCED your way there?  OR remember that brainstorming at work WHEN you were at loggerheads with your colleague and without getting their BUY-IN, you still went ahead❌❌❌

BTW, getting someone's BUY-IN is a must-do and must-have even in circumstances and situations WHEN/WHERE you're kind of 'calling the shots'.  You might challenge me, WHY do we need to get the BUY-IN to your initiative at work if it happens you are the manager OR leader?  Simple answer.  To execute that proposition, WON'T you need other team members?  Their 'arms and legs?  Their cooperation?  Their collective effort?  And even assuming you can do everything on your own without them, HOW does it feel if you did it without their BUY-IN❔❔❔

OR everything is ALL IN THE FAMILY.  A common example, here you are, having a modest amount to budget for a new home appliance and your preference is for a premium audio system while your spouse/partner wants to upgrade her washing machine from that top-load model to a front-load one and doubling the capacity [because of your family's needs].  Alas, you went ahead and bought that audio system.  WHAT happens next, we all know, right❓❓❓

Our takeaway for today?  Getting BUY-IN for ideas is essential step whether at your home with your family, at work or even in your entrepreneurial forays.  Securing the BUY-IN ensures that everyone is part of the decision-making and getting alignment and even incorporate objections and/or feedback before rolling out you or your idea.  Thing is, NEVER FORCE YOURSELF TO USE FORCE❗❗❗

When Elephants Fight, The Grass Suffers

When Elephants Fight, The Grass Suffers

When Elephants Fight, The Grass Suffers.  WHAT a proverb indeed and Mr Google defines this as 'WHEN POWERFUL FORCES GO TO WAR, IT'S THEIR PEOPLE WHO ARE HURT.  THOSE WO NEVER ASKED FOR THE CONFLICT IN THE FIRST PLACE ARE CAUGHT, AND KILLED, IN THE CROSSFIRE'.  Well said and instantly, I can relate countless life scenarios.  At home.  At work.  In business.  In local and geo-politics.  Or literally speaking, even out there in the wilderness, when animals end up in a fight like this💥💥💥

Allow me to share this poster I grabbed from Dr Cai Yiming, one of Singapore's most respected experts in Psychiatry and Emeritus Consultant at Singapore's Child Guidance Clinic.  Honestly, my eyeballs almost dropped when I stumbled across Dr Yiming's book cover because this picture speaks a zillion words.  Everyone can relate to this, across cultures, across generations, across economic strata.  WHEN couples fight [and worse, end up in a standoff, and worst, end up in that scary acrimonious fight], guess WHO else gets 'caught' in the midst of crossfires.  More often, the casualty are the 'innocent bystanders'.  Pitiful indeed😶😶😶

Let's take a sneak preview of those corporate wars happening [sometimes outside their board rooms].  Imagine those cage fights between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.  Who says that their rivalry is just a skirmish?  God knows, when the dust settles, what will be the ramifications NOT just to their respective business agenda but to us consumers❕❕❕

And as much as we DON'T expect those business rivalries to show any signs of slowing down and simmer down anytime now, we WON'T spend time in the business space.  Instead, let's zoom in down to our domestic situations.  True, couples argue and many times, those tiffs lead to a full-blown quarrel and when emotions 'skyrocket', WHAT else to expect than that 'full blown' war [maybe at a less magnitude [OF COURSE] than the raging war between Israel and the Hamas factions in Palestine.  Picture out a very messy scenario WHEN expletives are hurled back and forth, and WHEN it DOESN'T seem to be enough, objects are literally flying [I had an ex-colleague who confided that twice he had to replace his theater-wide LCD]❎❎❎

Now, let's make things murkier.  WHAT IF the protagonists are physically 10,000 miles apart and yet a quarrel starts.  Imagine all-out conflagrations happening virtually.  And when children get squeezed amidst the crossfires, God knows what happens next.  So, WHEN ELEPHANTS FIGHT, THE GRASS SUFFERS😕😕😕

Can $$$$$$ Buy Happiness?

Can $$$$$$ Buy Happiness?

Can $$$$$$ Buy Happiness?  Surely we are all on the same side and scream NO WAY!  BUT even philosophers, economists and social scientists have all grappled with this question and recent studies produced results overturning that dominant MYTH that went through centuries.  BUT a recent study in the United States pegged those studies to the financial capabilities of respondents and it showed that when their income did hit $75,000, their joy was leveling out📗📙📘

This threshold was initially posited in a 2010 study which concluded that 'EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING' also rises with log income BUT there is NO further progress beyond an annual income of $75,000.  BUT that study was most recently overturned by another most recent study which found that HAPPINESS does NOT plateau at all after $75,000 and that 'experienced well-being' can continue to rise with income well beyond $200,000.  To be realistic, that latest research was pitted against earlier studies and adjusted to reflect inflation📌📌📌

Those conflicting studies was interesting enough because each debunked each other BUT ending up with two BIG conclusions, namely:  First, that HAPPINESS continues to rise with income even in the high range of incomes for the vast majority, showing that for many of us, on average having more money can make us increasingly HAPPIER.  BUT the study also found that there was indeed an 'UNHAPPY MINORITY' whose UNHAPPINESS diminishes with rising income up to a certain threshold, then shows NO progress thereafter😊😊😊

Studies showed that people tend to experience negative miseries that typically CAN'T be alleviated by earning more $$$$$$$$.  Apparently, outliers like heartache, bereavement OR clinical depression were triggers of outliers BUT it did NOT alter their conclusions❌❌❌

What's my take here?  Regardless if $$$$ can buy HAPPINESS or not, let us develop that mindset that our HAPPINESS does NOT hinge on $$$$ at all.  If monies will flow in, it's 'manna from heaven' BUT if the coffers have dried up, that should NOT be a trigger to reverse the upswing of our HAPPINESS at all❗❗❗

What's The Aftermath Of Your 'BUSYNESS'

What's The Aftermath Of Your 'BUSYNESS'

I am NOT one to insinuate a sweeping allegation that we are BUSY DOING NOTHING but let's think about it please.  What's The Aftermath Of Your 'BUSYNESS'?  I'm absolutely sure that no one can claim that he was 100% productive of the 100% time he/she was 'BUSY'!@#$%?  I am even confident that 30% at the very least would admit that he/she was NOT legitimately BUSY💴💷💵

To be fair, many of us are legitimately BUSY.  You need NOT look farther than our spouse-housewife WHO, may not have a full-time job BUT hey, she's working and grinding damn hard effectively around the clock, on her foot when everyone's snoring and still down there when most of us are into our gadgets by then.  So, this leaves us no room at all to cast aspersion because legitimately, they are that BUSY and frankly, many times, OVERLOADED.  Where's the beef here?  When one's OVERLOADED, next step is to PRIORITIZE.  BUT let's face it, if you have a laundry list, how can you PRIORITIZE📗📙📘

Now, let's take a step back.  WHAT are the ramifications of being BUSY, regardless if your being BUSY is legitimate OR not.  First off, being BUSY means you become LESS creative.  WHY?  As you're so focused on your task[s] at hand, what else can encourage you to be creative?  Secondly, that kills outright your SELF-DEVELOPMENT.  How in the world can you think of learning new skills, being proactive in learning if you're that BUSY!@#$?

The ramifications of BUSYNESS goes way deep beyond the surface.  As hectic and frustrating as modern life can be, the biggest dangers are NOT material OR temporal inconveniences.  A person can do physical labor twelve hours a day, six days a week throughout his lifetime and still, NOT suffer many ill effects.  BUT if the strain is MENTAL, as is the case for most jobs and for most of us, the NEGATIVE impact on the body can be huge.  So, let us NOT please ignore the potential physical harm BUSYNESS may bring about❎❎❎

The harsh consequence behind our lives is that WHEN we are CRAZY BUSY, we put our souls at risk.  The challenge is NOT merely to make a few bad habits go away.  The CHALLENGE is to NOT let our spiritual lives fritter away, slip away.  The dangers are serious enough and this is NOT hyperbole, because such dangers are ever growing and increasing.  And YET, a few of us still [wrongly] think that we are safely ensconced from whatever the AFTERMATH OF YOUR BUSYNESS brings forth.  No sirrrrs, that risk, that threat is damn real because it's happening day-in day-out now❌❌❌

Let's Dump NEGATIVITY Down There

Let's Dump NEGATIVITY Down There

Let's Dump NEGATIVITY Down There.  Seriously, enough of NEGATIVITY.  Let's leave it behind.  Let it eat our dust.  Flip over.  Let's welcome POSITIVITY instead.  This is reality.  We view the world through our MENTAL ATTITUDE.  If that ATTITUDE is predominantly NEGATIVE, it can likely impact everything, including health, family, career and even more [sadly].  Furthermore, NEGATIVE thinking can have a spiraling effect that attracts more NEGATIVE thinking.  BUT hey, this is no rocket science.  Let's listen to what experts share💴💷💵

Primero, experts [ironically] recommend that you will allocate a fixed TEN MINUTES daily to ruminate and review everything NEGATIVE.  Jot down your NEGATIVE thought [because that's NOT unavoidable] and tell yourself you'll look into it during your 10-minute NEGATIVE time.  And as per their studies, over time, you will gain CONTROL and eventually, that NEGATIVE thought will stop because it is left with NO elbow room, NO wiggle space left for it to spread out and further weaken the foundations of your life📗📙📘

Segundo, and this is quite a tough one.  REPLACE those NEGATIVE thoughts.  To quote the experts, "WE DON'T OVERCOME NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS.  WE REPLACE THEM".  In practical terms, experts suggest these steps to REPLACE:

• NOTICE when that NEGA-PATTERN starts
• ACKNOWLEDGE to change that NEGA-PATTERN
• ARTICULATE what you want to be different
• Lastly, CHOOSE a behavior, one that serves your goals and consistent with your POSITIVITY

Tercero, BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.  Experts claim that, frankly, we are mean to our ourselves and nearly 90% of SELF-TALK is NEGATIVE.  So, how do we flip this over?  

• RELEASE IT - Let it out to help process and not dwell. Then allocate three minutes, that PITY PARTY should be over.
• TRACK IT - Alert yourself when NEGATIVITY creeps in so you can 'nip things in the bud'
• REFRAME IT - When you feel you are MEAN, remember the nice words your beshie would tell you, then tell that to yourself LOUD enuf

Cuarto, WRITE INSTEAD of THINK.  Experts claim that writing down WHEN that NEGATIVE THOUGHT surfaces will help you PURGE that NEGATIVE THOUGHT out much easier.  This is human nature, things become easier when things become that obvious.  C'mon, LET'S DUMP NEGATIVITY!!!

Why Our Takeoff Matters Most [IN LIFE]

Why Our Takeoff Matters Most [IN LIFE]    

All throughout my life, I remained steadfast as to Why Our Takeoff Matters Most [IN LIFE].  The difference between the aircraft takeoff and our takeoff in life is that aircrafts  have a designated cruising altitude [e.g. 38000 feet] BUT in life, it is our very own selves who can influence and dictate our cruising altitude, NOT dictated by anyone📗📙📘

My analogy here is this chart of Singapore's stages of education.  Where, from a takeoff perspective, that happens as a result of the secondary education where, depending on the student's academic performance, it will dictate as to which educational stream the student will pursue.  Note that students CAN'T freely choose their education stream based on his/her preference [because the preference has to meet the criteria which, when meet, makes someone eligible [or NOT]❕❕❕

Similarly, if the student successfully meets the criteria for the INTEGRATED PROGRAM stream, then obviously, he is expected to be flying off with a cruising altitude much higher than someone who ends up pursuing the Sec 4 Normal Technical.  Again, the parallelism here is each of our own TAKEOFFs in life.  Not everyone has the option to fly as high as he prefers😁😁😁

I've known people up close and deep inside, I pitied them because I saw with my naked eyes that their takeoff was NOT enough to catapult them to that ideal cruising altitude [which by default tells us, the higher, the better].  BUT I can only blame them❎❎❎

But similar to the aircrafts taxiing to position themselves for takeoff [while awaiting that control tower clearance], in life, everything is within our own hands, within our control.  BUT the catch here is that TIME is finite.  You CAN'T be positioning forever at the runway.  You can only have so much time.  Delay it, you lose.  Waste it, you lose.  This explains WHY OUR TAKEOFF MATTERS MOST [in life]❗❗❗

Transitions In Life

Transitions In Life

Studies show that, on average, we go through Transitions In Life three dozen times in our lifetime.  That averages to a transition every twelve to eighteen months, a frequency that's MORE OFTEN than most people see a dentist.  More than just the birth of a baby OR a wedding that deserves to be celebrated, there is a long list of transitions which we'd rather abhor💵💴💷

A health issue in the family, an imminent divorce, litigations in court, a financial bankruptcy, even going jobless or worst, ending up penniless, OR knock on wood, a major conflict with a protagonist that may have serious repercussions/ramifications to either parties.  OR when force majeure kicks in, catastrophic circumstances caused by natural disasters, OR even that recent dreaded Covid-19 pandemic📗📙📘

Now, we got to tackle two things that do impact our life, namely DISRUPTORS and LIFEQUAKES.  The number of CHANGES happening in our life is damn quickening, the pace we're going through them is faster and our breadth of life experiencing them is much wider.  The basic unit of CHANGE is a DISRUPTOR because it's value neutral.  DISRUPTORS can either be positive OR negative though📌📌📌

You can be becoming an 'EMPTY NESTER' OR getting married OR getting sober OR retiring.  You can also be getting a diagnosis or losing a job, NO thanks to that pandemic.  As we go through those three dozens of transitions in life, DISRUPTORS may rise to the level of LIFEQUAKES❎❎❎

That Covid pandemic, that was a LIFEQUAKE, a massive source of CHANGE that lasted for four years.  LIFEQUAKES tend to clump up, that 'pile-up' phenomenon.  Just when you lose your job, you wreck your car and then your parent needs surgery.  WHAT's our takeaway today?  THAT the idea of a one job, one relationship, one home, one source of happiness, all these are gone and all replaced by a NONLINEAR life with many more twists and turns and transitions.  So, the pace of TRANSITIONS IN LIFE is quickening.  GOT TO PACE with it❗❗❗

'NO MAN IS AN ISLAND' - John Donne

'NO MAN IS AN ISLAND' - John Donne

Till to date, this is the shortest quote with the longest meaning embedded in my lifetime, THAT 'NO MAN IS AN ISLAND' [by John Donne].  True, we meet PEOPLE, we meet strangers, and then, some friends WHO bring out the best in us and splash a palette of colors in an otherwise [sometimes] monotonous black-and-white life.  BTW, WHO we are and WHAT we become CAN'T be a one-man effort.  Everyone in our lives holds a stake in turning us into the person we are.  Their thoughts, their outlook in life, and their passion burns way beyond their own life💵💴💷

Let's face it, PEOPLE leave pieces of themselves in us just as we do in them.  We are all the PEOPLE we've met and all the people we've lost.  We are all the EXES that loved us and all the crushes that DIDN'T.  We are all the PEOPLE who are still in our lives and the PEOPLE who have left though.  It's just a tragedy that love DOESN'T reign every time📗📙📘

BUT it's a bigger tragedy WHEN we erase PEOPLE from our lives and pretend like they DON'T exist anymore.  We've always heard that we're supposed to let someone go totally.  That will NEVER heal if they're still around anyways.  Heck, even if someone says that it has run its full course, it's time for us to let it go📌📌📌

BUT we need to realize that LETTING GO does NOT always necessarily mean forgetting OR erasing that person because we CAN'T.  Indeed, it's heartbreaking to leave OR to be left.  That aching feeling WHEN you learn that your love was unrequited love OR that a shared moment with another person could NOT amount to anything more, leaves you feeling so empty and numb, maybe.  One second you're head over heels with them as they sit across the dinner table.  Next thing you know, you're wondering IF that was the last moment you shared with them ❗❗❗

Indeed, this is a thought-provoking topic to cover BUT let's never push ourselves in a cocoon OR a cave just because you've got everything in life.  THAT does NOT guarantee the status quo in life because, knock on wood, one day, you will need someone next to you.  To quote John Donne, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND❎❎❎

Is Dopamine Detox A Myth?

Is Dopamine Detox A Myth?

Is Dopamine Detox A Myth?  Before we go on with our thread today, let's align as to how Mr Google defined it.  It is the "process that involves fasting from activities OR pleasures that produce DOPAMINE so that the drive for quick rewards decreases". So, let's dive into this with a caveat that there is NO scientific evidence to support the concept of a DOPAMINE DETOX📗📙📘

Those who attempt a DOPAMINE DETOX aim to detach themselves from everyday stimuli such as social media, sugar OR shopping.  They are replaced in favor of less impulsive habits and lifestyle choices.  The fast can last for a few hours OR even several days. We need to align that DOPAMINE DETOX is NOT a scientifically research approach and most benefits come from refraining from it📌📌📌

BTW, to be precise, the compulsive behaviors that can be targeted by DOPAMINE DETOX covers way beyond social media.  Emotional eating.  Gambling and excessive shopping.  Porn.  Thrill and novelty-seeking.  Even recreational drugs.  By fasting from these activities that trigger the brain's neurotransmitters, people become less dependent on the emotional 'hits' that DOPAMINE provides❌❌❌

Browsing through the net, I did stumble across some 'SUCCESS STORIES' detailing how they succeeded.  Topping the tricks is to GRAB A FRIEND or FAMILY member.  As they say, doing things alone is NOT only boring but also less effective.  Starting it by your lonesome has been proven to be hard BUT when we are with other people, we tend to encourage each other✅✅✅

Segundo, CHALLENGE YOURSELF.  This can go in hand with Number 1.  Challenge yourself initially with baby steps, like aiming for a 1-week DETOX.  Tercero, Just go random and TURN OFF your phone completely.  Most of the time, we're guilty because you would do 'RANDOM GLANCES'.  The BAD THING is that 'RANDOM GLANCE' can turn to hours.  Anyways, DOPAMINE DETOX IS NOT A MYTH❗❗❗