Butterflies in our Stomach

Butterflies in our Stomach

How many times have we experienced being either anxious or nervous [for whatever reasons]?  Likely we have experienced it many many times uttering, 'I GOT BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH'.  And that's fine.  What is not fine is we leave things that way when instead, we should have sat down and ponder not why it happened but rather, COULD YOU HAVE HANDLED IT IN A MUCH BETTER WAY ?  Being nervous has always a human element embedded but would have it been possible to be LESS nervous?

Come to think of it, in 90% of our real life scenarios, we get nervous NOT because of the situation but rather it should be faulted back to us.  For a student taking the exams come next day, did you 'burn the midnight oil' reviewing ?  For a worker, was your output 100% ZERO-DEFECT, 100% WITHIN SPECS and SUBMITTED WITHIN TIME-FRAME ?  if you're an entrepreneur, how's your financials ? Is your cash flow sufficient for the next payroll and other operational costs ? Likely, you're 'in the red'.

Besides NERVOUSNESS causing those butterflies in your stomach, think of those moments of FEAR and ANXIETY.  How well did you anticipate something imminently unfavorable but you just looked the other way.  Been there, done that.  That faux pas wherein an upcoming problem is about to explore right in your face yet rather than plan for a 'damage control', you literally ignore its coming by looking at the other side of things.  FEAR and ANXIETY are not life-threatening challenges that leaves you paralyzed.

These are all 'off the shelf' antidotes.  FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE.  Means, take action on what is within your control.  DISSECTING things to figure out what's really bothering you.  DIVERT on thoughts and things that will mean less anxiety.  And of course, take a deep breathe and if you're into yoga, those solitary moments are shots in your arms.

Or you could be in the midst of things, caught within the crossroads and stalled in the middle.  Sounds familiar.  Been there.  Done that.  How did I get over that hump?  I sat down, scribbled a "T" column, listing all the upsides of one particular decision and its downsides.  Thereafter I did a compare and simply put, if the upsides did outweigh the downsides, it becomes a no-brainer. If it becomes a close call, then it becomes a judgment call.  In a nutshell, YOU GOT TO TAKE A STAND.  NEVER BE A FENCE-SITTER because you'll lose by default.  Believe me, dude.❗❗❗

What Comes Next After The 'GOLD MEDAL'

What Comes Next After The 'GOLD MEDAL'

Yehheyyyyyy the 'OLYMPIC FEVER' is ON with the Tokyo Olympics in full swing the past days.  And to date, what's grabbing both newswires and the social media are the winners [and the despondent losers as well]. Winners go up the podium, basking in the aftermath of their respective successes.  Question:  how often do we see winners unashamedly weeping or crying unabashedly ?  Many many times, right ?  WHY are we then witnessing that uncontrolled emotional expressions of the winners ?  And obviously, we do witness as well dejected losers, with bowed heads.

Hmmmm, for the winners, surely they are now basking at the limelight now and they all deserve all the adulation and attention they're all getting once they go up the awards podium.  Back to our lives, do we agree that we are comparable to those Olympic athletes as well ?  We are all aiming for our respective gold medals in our respective events but here's the $64 question:  HOW ARE YOU PREPARING for the competitions ? HOW FAR HAVE YOU PROGRESSED YET ?

Similar to the olympian athletes, very likely, along the way, you have achieved your respective GOLD MEDALS in life.  And that GOLD MEDAL comes in various forms and shapes,  You landed a plum job.  You got a brand-new car.  You had your new family home.  You started to have increased financial cushion as you and your family have been having annual overseas holidays.  Your business has not only been booming but likely expanded by now.

So, what else will motivate you ?  After savoring the fruits of your labor, go and revisit your goals, RAISE THE BAR asap.  You might argue why do you need to RAISE THE BAR ?  Simple.  You have already achieved your previous goal.  Do you want to get stalled there ?  

Just like 'boy wonder', never rest on your laurels that long.  Fine to get intoxicated with boose only during your celebrations.  Come next day, get back to the drawing board, go and aim for your next goal, definitely much harder than your latest success.  KEEP SCALING UP because you will reach much farther, man. Trust me. ✅✅✅

Always 'SHARPEN THE HARPOONS'

Always 'SHARPEN THE HARPOONS'

This piece is NOT about whales and dolphins [as that is beyond my domain].  Instead, with 'SHARPENING THE HARPOONS', we're referring to its relevance to our lives, what it takes to be done and why it takes to be done in the first place.  Nevertheless, to ensure we're all on the same page, let's agree that 'SHARPENING THE HARPOONS' means ensuring our readiness in life, when it's time for whale-hunting, when we wanna catch the bonanza of a lifetime.  As we all agree, catching a whale is the apex of a whaler's achievements.  Such is the case in life as well.

By nature, we humans are ambitious, and that's just laudable because it means there is some level in the purpose of our life.  What sets apart then the successes versus the failures ?  It's NOT in those common aspirations for 'big time' success.  Instead, it is in the approach HOW to achieve such 'big time' success.  Whereas the bona fide success stories will tell us that the people behind those successes really worked their butts out, grinding the hardest and being damn harsh to themselves, exacting the highest 'dose of efforts' they can exert, not efforts exerted more as a lip service. just for coasting.

As 'icing on the cake', besides all the LUCK we kept praying for, we even top it off with feng shui practices.  And while feng shui per se is not wrong, hopes and expectations that are boosted because of feng shui is by itself, MISPLACED HOPES.  Too bad because man's most common [and recurring story retold everywhere] is that we WANT THE BEST WITH THE LEAST EFFORTS.

At this point, let's pull the brakes and and go for a full stop in terms of LUCK and let's all agree that we all welcome LUCK, let LUCK run its own course.  And in the meanwhile, let's get glued at the our ultimate goal in life which could revolve around having a peaceful and fulfilling life with our families, alongside our valued properties in life and obviously, preparing for the future of even our kids.  Note that there are NO IMPOSSIBLE GOALS at all.  We simply have to break them down into bite-size chunks, write down those goals, believing and sticking that we will attain it then go 'FULL THROTTLE' ahead as if it's part of your routine.  To quote, "AVERAGE PEOPLE HAVE WISHES & HOPES.  SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE HAVE GOALS." ❗❗❗

Is Your 'PADDLE HAND' Always Ready ?

Is Your 'PADDLE HAND' Always Ready ?

We may not be either a rower or a table-tennis [ping pong] player but nevertheless, who says our 'PADDLE HAND' shouldn't be ready most of the time anyways ?  In fact and in truth, the 'PADDLE HAND' is our #1 basic tool more than the sum of all parts [when referring to our competencies and skills] because the 'PADDLE HAND'  either initiates or responses to events that happen 'on the fly.'

Hmmm, we won't dabble into physics here but briefly, to have your 'PADDLE HAND' ready, two key force and pressure matters most and to top it all, it's the timeliness of your 'PADDLE HAND' to either initiate or react.  And this is very analogous in life as well, our 'PADDLE HAND' must be 24x7-ready.

Worst thing is, if and when we get caught off-guard because in 98% of such cases, you will end up at least a step behind, with your timing-off and your reflexes not leveraged to be maximized simply because you seem to be in that reactive mode.  What this tells us is that where possible, let us NOT be in reactive mode.  When we react, our cognitive functions end up being impaired and stretched, all rolled into one.  This explains why 90% of our missteps in life are attributable to the fact that we were in 'reactive' mode.  So, this brings us back to our 'PADDLE HAND' because that is at the crux of how we handle things in life.

One realization we need to share is that life is never predictable.  Life can't be scripted at all.  Truth is, life runs 'on the fly and off the cuff'.  With one too many variables in the equation [of life], only one thing can be certain and that is, ensure the readiness of our 'PADDLE HAND' because anytime, a risk could be lurking behind your back.

In the most simple terms, in our life, STAYING READY is all what it takes.  Have we seen the firemen from the Fire Department.  99% of the time, they remain idle and literally doing nothing until a fire incident gets reported and when that phone rings at the Fire Department, you would see the firemen moving in sequential and methodical steps till they start the fire truck engines with the emergency horns with blazing lights.  Did we ever catch firemen as not ready ?  Or their fire trucks unable to go with 5 minutes ?  WHEN YOU STAY READY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET READY.✅✅✅

Do You 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' ?

Do You 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' ?

Please DON'T get me wrong.  Being with the crowd should be fine as long as you are in that crowd at the right time for the right reasons. To 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' should NOT be taken literally please.  Obviously, if you're in a place of worship, in an assembly at work or in school or in public contingencies where government authorities will dictate where and when people should go to mitigate risks that pose imminent danger to the population.  But that's about it, no more than that.

Back into our lives, should we always 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' ? Nope.  We only 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' if and when it is warranted.  NOT as a preference.  NOT for convenience.  NOT to 'JOIN THE BANDWAGON'.  NOT simply to be part of the mainstream.  NOT because the majority rules.  WHAT IF it's a 'MOB RULE' ?

Good question.  What makes us "FOLLOW THE CROWD' ?  Two words that will hit our nerves.  To be LIKED and ACCEPTED.  That human desire to fit in is just so strong that we sometimes conform to a group consensus even when sometimes it goes against our own judgment.  Ironically, privately, we are likely to follow our minds.

Not to scare but can we figure it out if we blindly 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' that goes straight to that deep ravines and cliffs ?  We may not admit it that we're blindly following a crowd but the problem is, once you're part of that crowd, you are so 'squeezed within' leaving you no room to have that logical and pragmatic appreciation of things.  In short, you end up 'FOLLOWING THE CROWD' blindly.

Now let's play the devil's advocate here.  It's true taking the road less travelled will likely seem daunting as likely, you'll be by yourself and a mile-long distance could seem to be eternity.  But that's the price we have to pay for taking that road less travelled, for being more on our own than being part of a crowd.  But do we agree that with a crowd, the farthest you can go is the distance that can go ?  Whereas, you can reach as far as you want to.

Now you might challenge me, to convince you not to 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' ?  Let me rattle off reasons.  PEER PRESSURE can cause your wrong decisions.  Now let's look at the population.  The best and the brightest belong to the minority.  So if we 'FOLLOW THE CROWD', likely we're with the 'AVERAGE ones'.  Each one us, we have our unique needs.  So, why should we 'FOLLOW THE CROWD' ?  When we're with groups, we tend to stick to our COMFORT ZONES.  So, how can we expand our horizons ?  With groups, we become more vulnerable to negative thinking, to think that groups are prone to 'groupthink' which, often, is not right.  Folks, let's take that path what is best for us, period.❗❗❗

DECISION TREES in Life

 'DECISION TREES' in Life

There is one thing in our life, overlooked most of the time if not ignored outright.  And that's a 'DECISION TREE'.  Because most decisions in our life needs to be arrived at after a thought process that leads to an INFORMED DECISION.  Impulsive decisions.  On-the-fly decisions.  Off-the-cuff decisions.  Decisions happening wayward like these are likely to result in off-track decisions because the likelihood is that those decision were not arrived via the most basic thought process.

Developing that 'DECISION TREE' discipline in life does not need you to go through academic courses.  The basic premise we all need to be aligned is that regardless of your standing in society and regardless of the nature of your work and even if you're into your own business, there is one inevitability and that in life, you are bound to make decisions that could be complex or it could be as trivial as whether you need to bring an umbrella or not.  And BTW, in life, there is NO perfect decision.  There will always be PROs and CONs, an UPSIDE and a DOWNSIDE.

When you start settling down, RENTING or BUYING will be one of the decisions you need to grapple with and by then, the ;DECISION TREE' becomes a bit more complex as there will be permutations and iterations in the midst of your thought process.  But you might chalenge me, why am I pushing for the 'DECISION TREE' approach ?  Simple.  It should be simple and easy to understand.  The inputs to the 'DECISION TREE' are 'GIVENS' which you have at hand and when various scenarios are laid out, it leads you to uncork several possible outcomes of a decision.  It has downsides too.  It could become complex.  And the outcomes may be based on your expectations.  And when you plot it in a diagram, it may narrow your focus to critical decisions.

In retrospect, let's look back, how many decisions have you made not going through the 'DECISION TREE'.  Surely, there's a lot and based on probabilities, you always have a 50% chance to end up with the right or wrong decision.  But the bigger question, are you willing to live a life where you always face 50% probability ? Why not improve your chances ?

Now, let's take a step back and figure out what leads us to WRONG DECISIONS ?  Most common is 'DECISION FATIGUE'.  Even the most energetic people DON'T have that endless mental energy.  OR, there could be one too many distractions to you.  OR you DON'T have the sufficient inputs to your 'DECISION TREE'.  OR you're into multi-tasking.  OR you're getting emotional.  OR are you into 'ANALYSIS PARALYSIS' ?  Folks, make sure you check all boxes.✅✅✅

Are You in a 'FOGGY STATE' ?

 Are You in a 'FOGGY STATE' ?

Are you in a 'FOGGY STATE' ?  Yes, I've been in that 'FOGGY STATE' several times in the past.  And everywhere of us does go into that ordeal, that state wherein your ability to think coherently seems to get impaired, that state when you feel either confused or you're just struggling to translate your thoughts into words and action. In the recent years, we witnessed the fatal crashes of that helicopter flying the late Kobe Bryant and that Saratoga Piper plane of the late JFK Jr.

Good news though.  BRAIN FOG is not a medical condition.  It's a result of various conditions, amongst others, e.g. if you're going through medications, if you have that chronic fatigue in you, if you're into depression, if you're sleeping hours is not consistently sufficient [i.e. go for at least 7-9 hrs of sleep] and there are medical conditions that 

could trigger BRAIN FOG, e.g. multiple sclerosis [p.s. half the people with MS have issues with memory and attention] and chemotherapy [as cancer treatment uses strong drug and by itself, cancer can cause BRAIN FOG if the cancer has affected the brain.   Why are we sharing these common causes of BRAIN FOG ?  Well, it just makes sense what triggers it so we can find a workaround because that needs to be fixed.

In real-life terms, when we're in a 'FOGGY STATE', it could be tell-tale signs that we have an adversity at hand or something imminent is bound to happen.  What do we do then ?  First and foremost, we gotta recognize that we are in that 'FOGGY STATE'.  And from thereon, ask ourselves what could be triggering it because we got to correct that and swing for a turnaround.

Everything could be crystal clear but if you're in that 'FOGGY STATE', you;ll be in a suspended state where things may not be stalled but when something happens, it will be detrimental to you.  Bottom-line, let's extricate ourselves out of this cauldron and aim for a lucid state where we'll be cogent, coherent and comprehensible.  Please do that QUICK FIX asap today, not tomorrow.❗❗❗

Half-baked or Half-cooked ?

 Half-baked or Half-cooked ?

 Half-baked or half-cooked ? Only in our food and baking preferences, PLEASE.  Not in our life though.  Life is fairly simple and straightforward.  It's either here or there.  Either you make it or NOT.  Either you SUCCEED or FAIL.  Either you achieve something or NOT.  Either you get the nod of your bosses or stakeholders or NOT.  Either you win the deal or NOT.  Even in professional boxing, while there are drawn fights, that doesn't settle the score.  Instead, they go for a return bout or even end up with a trilogy.    

For our TO DO List, the same thing runs true.  And this is where our favorite friend from 'that other side of the fence' named PROCRASTINATION creeps back to us.  That friend/advisor will keep whispering gently through your ears to "TAKE IT EASY" or 'NO NEED TO RUSH" or just "TAKE YOUR TIME".  That's until things become UNEASY.  Until things become RUSHED  Until TIME is TAKEN AWAY from you.  At times, we would even use the weather as a 'VALID EXCUSE' like 'OH, I'LL DO THIS TOMORROW BECAUSE IT'S RAINING NOW'... till tomorrow comes and the rains become heavier because the weather disturbance has now been confirmed as a typhoon, WHEW !

In truth, our life is fairly switch, much akin to a switch.  Either you turn it OR or OFF.  There's no mid-switch.  Even the roads and highways are either northbound or southbound, eastbound or westbound.  That explains why both directions are separated by either concrete islands, barriers or for a two-way road, a middle-of-the-road marker.  That's all there is to it.  Guess WHO/WHAT is the most favorite excuse and alibi these days ?  Yesirrrreeeee, a lot of tasks get stalled or waylaid because of this pandemic, like 'I'LL DO THIS WHEN THIS PANDEMIC IS OVER".  Helllllll no !  What if this takes years ???

In school or at work or even in our relationships, it's either you are PASSED or FAILED in your academic grades.  It's either you are POSITIVELY or NEGATIVELY recognized by your bosses.  In your relationships, it's either HEALTHY or NOT.  BTW, if the health of your relationship now is somewhere 50 now, you gotta wake up, do something drastic to turn around things.  Else, very shortly, that 50 will become a BIG FAT ZERO. So folks, this is all that matters.  At the end of the day, you're either a WINNER or a LOSER and a lot of it hinges on YOU.

So, what and where is our 'ace card'?  It is spelled A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E no less.  But before we dissect everything about ATTITUDE, let's agree that ATTITUDE FORMATION is so critical as it refers to a set of emotions, beliefs and behaviors which could be often the result of our experiences or even our upbringing.  In the end, ATTITUDE has a such powerful influence over our BEHAVIOR.  But again, while ATTITUDEs are enduring, they can change and evolve.  So, let's not go for HALF-BAKEDs or HALF-COOKs 📌📌📌

Who Are You With ?

Who Are You With ?

More than the celebrity status of Oprah Winfrey, I'd like to quote here, "SURROUND YOURSELF WITH ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO LIFT YOU HIGHER".  Folks, this is no sales pitch but instead, this is a 'WAKEUP CALL' to everyone of us [including myself] to never stop associating ourselves with people who are, in the shortest words possible, MUCH BETTER THAN US.

Let me qualify though.  You just don't shoot for the moon and contact Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg because frankly, they are in a much different league.  And in the U.S. academe, they might say they come from the Ivy League whereas you might trace your roots to a Division III or IV school.  Instead, if you're aiming to explore for a decent overseas job, associate yourself with someone else's with a similar goal.  If you're into Fintech, find someone into Fintech.  If you're more into something on literary front, there should be someone with similar aspirations.

One thing for sure, DON'T and DON'T keep yourself in a cocoon.  GET OUT OF YOUR SHELL.  Are you shying away from positive interactions ?  If so, then you likely have a serious problem at hand because you can't be on your own, regardless of your competencies now.  I have seen and met talented people but who, years later, I learnt that their good run in life got stalled or tha run went wayward.  Why? It's because a lot of the talented folks around commit the most serious mistake in life.  That of believing so much in themselves to the point that they thought they can be on their own and associating with anyone else better than him is a no-no because of his ego.

Let's share here some words of wisdom from Billionaire American Warren Buffet who strongly espouses that we associate with people WHO ARE MUCH BETTER IN SKILLS and WILL TAKE YOU FAR in LIFE.  His tidbits of wisdom:

• SET ASIDE YOUR EGO.
• CONTACT PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE.
• STAY OPEN FOR DIVERSE EXPERIENCES

Bluntly, if you're a smoker and you wanna stop it, NEVER be with smokers.  If you're into gambling and you want to get out of it, why associate yourself with casino-goers ?  If you tend to have that 'LAZY DOG' habit day-in day-out, why spend time with similar 'LAZY DOGS' ?  If you loathe unnecessary kibitzing because it leads to wasted and unproductive time, why will you continue to associate yourself with intruders, kibitzers, meddlers and those nosey folks?  It takes a strong-willed persona to really discipline himself and cracking the whip to remind myself that hey, I just wanna "SURROUND YOURSELF WITH ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING TO LIFT YOU HIGHER"✅

Do You Know Your 'CEILING' ?

Do You Know Your 'CEILING' ?

Oh yes, we all live underneath ceilings, especially the 'ceiling of our life'.  But the basic question is, are we all living, existing and working within the confines of the ceiling we now have at hand ?  It's common story to hear that someone gets stalled in life or someone's growth gets stunted, simply because of that ceiling, right ?  But the bigger question is, should we blame all these travails from the ceiling atop us ?  Really ?

This is our most common problem.  We seem to be so safety-conscious such that when we come across this 'GLASS CEILING' signage, we respect it so much even it means we will stoop down so that we don't get to hit the ceiling itself.  And that's our biggest problem.  When we define and co-exist with everything AS IS WHERE IS.  Who ends up as the loser ?  It's us no less because of our very misplaced notion that ceilings in life are there to limit our mobility and our growth.  No sirrrrs, that is a wrongly misplaced notion.  That explains why, for donkey years, many of us get stalled in life.

Why can't we redefine things.  Why don't we redirect our life's ceilings all the way up to the vast blue skies ?  Isn't that permissible ?  Doesn't that offer us enormous possibilities instead of remaining ensconced within the ceiling that extremely limits our mobility in life ?  By going beyond the roof, by redirecting our focus towards the vastness of the blue skies, isn't this a whole new ballgame ?

Yes sirrrrrs, if there is a 'game changer', it's breaking your own glass ceiling.  If you're financially strained, plot a financial recovery.  If your health is down, plan a health recovery plan.  If your work performance is near the gutter, turn around, wake up and prove to yourself that you can rebound from the abyss.  If your family relationship are in tatters, repair it.   Have a recovery plan.

One last point.  What could be stopping us from breaking our glass ceiling ?  Studies show that more than 80% refuse to take that extraordinary step of 'going beyond the roof' because of FEAR.  FEAR of failing.  FEAR of the odds.  FEAR of the pressures.  But hey, unless and until we overcome FEAR, FEAR will remain to be akin to that monkey who's always behind our back.  C'mon, let's aim for a breakthrough ❗❗❗