Who Says You're Not Good Enough?

 

Lumping all religions all over our globe, our pursuit of SUCCESS can be likened to even the major religions, like a robust system of meaning-making that sort of operates at both our emotional and cognitive levels, guiding us in our decisions.  Before we get lost with unnecessary verbose, let's discuss those  "GOOD ENOUGH" conversations because I do hear this quite often [amongst relatives and friends], pushing my curiosity to the edges if self-doubt is a factor at all in these recurring "GOOD ENOUGH" questions💚💛💜

Seriously, if there's self-doubt that's been lingering, my curious question is:  WHAT makes us doubt ourselves, sometimes over and over again?  Is it our lack of confidence in ourselves OR other people's opinions about us that we are letting us affect ourselves?  Are we letting those perceptions of others about us, define ourselves?  It is very important to realize that this self-doubt has made us lose on a lot of opportunities that would come our way💥💥💥

WHAT should reinforce our own hopes and beliefs is that we can be absolutely sure that we have enough [OR maybe more than enough] potential within us and therefore it is important to remind ourselves that "WE ARE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH".  We should recognize our own worth, instead of waiting for others to see our worth.  A subtle realization that should NOT be difficult to grasp is that we are unique in our own special ways.  There can be lots of billionaires and moguls in this world BUT we are NOT far off in the rat race if only we can recognize our self-worth instead of waiting for others to see our worth.  Oh Oh, WHY do we need others for us to know our own worth???

Lest we forget, we have our own strengths, talents and abilities that make us WHO we are.  So it is time [OR long overdue] for us to believe in our abilities and work towards our dreams.  True, it may always be easy BUT with sheer determination and consistent hard work, we may achieve practically anything we will set our mind to achieve.  WHO says that your engine is just GOOD ENOUGH for the next 50 miles?  OR only until your fuel tank goes empty???

Our takeaway:  Being GOOD ENOUGH is a big topic for every human.  Many problems in our lives boil down to the belief that we are NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  If at all, ask yourself WHERE this grand illusion of you NOT being GOOD ENOUGH has held you back in life and then tell yourself, NO MAS, NO MORE😌😌😌

Slap On The Wrist OR An Iron Fist?

Slap On The Wrist OR An Iron Fist?

Much as we feel that the world WHERE we live in seems harsh and tough, WHAT's blatantly overlooked is that there are more Slaps On The Wrist than An Iron Fist seen OR witnessed flying!@#$%?  We would hear more CAUTIONS and WARNINGS that are broken down from first WARNING to final WARNING.  Frankly, I would welcome such structured escalations as it means, if you committed a misdemeanor, you could be dealt first at the local 'Koban' [the name of local police stations in Japan] before you are brought out to court.  BUT does everything and everyone deserve a SLAP ON THE WRIST instead of an IRON FIST???

There's this age-old practice as well that first infractions, WHATEVER it is, deserve to be meted with a SLAP ON THE WRIST.  I beg to disagree.  WHAT IF that first infraction is a serious offense?  WHAT IF that first exception led to unacceptable consequences [and that's besides talking about impugning a person's character OR causing any other collateral damages?  WHICH leads me to dip my hand into the cookie jars of those socialist states.  Of course, we WON'T give Norh Korea as an example😡😡😡

Heard of that incident WHERE the mother forgot to feed her infant son, WHO eventually starved and died?  She was NOT SLAPPED ON THE WRIST but instead meted with an IRON FIST translated into 65 years in prison.  WHEN the Harvard College Faith in Action [HCFA] was meted with a probation, many protested that it did NOT constitute as a punishment given the gravity of their case❌❌❌

Swinging back to our lives, we need to remain consciously aware that in a fair, just and equitable world, it's NOT even just either a SLAP ON THE WRIST OR an IRON FIST because between those extreme actions, there is a hodge-podge of iterations we need to consider.  And this is as relevant to law and order as it is in our daily lives.  Lesson here is that nothing is either black OR white.  On the other hand, in life, maybe more than 90% of circumstances and scenarios would fall somewhere within gray areas.  WHICH means, there is NO pre-scripted action we can take WHEN we are either wronged OR if it's us WHO caused the wronged.  Instead, the onus is on us to figure out the FINAL FIX [and NOT those palliative remedies good enough within those moments💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  More often in life, a lot of things fall in between cracks, either because of INACTION [by ignoring OR simply looking at the other direction] OR even by actions taken, actions that are either impertinent, inappropriate OR simply an action taken for the sake of taking that step.  Our lesson here is that, WHEN and WHERE we need to slam things with our IRON FIST, as long as that is warranted, then, lower down the boom by all means.  The last thing we want to happen is regretting because of our intentional INACTION😡😡😡

Why Sometimes We Miss Out The 'SHORTEST DISTANCE'?

 

Very early on in my career, I was frequently hesitant to be direct with people, lest they think I am either too aggressive or impolite with my words.  BUT alas, did that ever get beaten out of me in the hard way?  As I was NOT the only one though.  I then realized that culture is a factor [as it is in our local culture, you have to circumvent [and maybe take whole round trip] and gather your strength before having that gumption to SAY WHAT YOU WANT albeit diluted and probably significantly 'watered down'.  SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN 2 POINTS IS A STRAIGHT LINE💥💥💥

Fast-forward, I have to admit that I did go through that kind of unconscious transformation, from that traditional 'nice guy' to a strong, direct communicator [without being a 'NOT' nice guy though].   True, some leaders have developed a comfort with direct communications.  Some of them speak clearly, saying WHAT they want to say confidently and neither do they mince words nor wrap their words fluff💧💧💧

BUT alas, many leaders still DON'T.  BUT let's NOT drive on that to a fault because indirect communications is the default for most people, so WHEN some of us would want to say something important, sometimes we DON'T get directly to that 'very point'.  Instead, we tend to set ourselves up with a few preceding points OR say almost WHAT we mean to say using many words instead of just the few and essential ones, hoping that the listener will be able to figure out his intended message.  If the other person DOESN'T intuit the speaker's intent by either effort OR sheer magic, that kind of indirect communication will likely lead to resentment OR at the very least, a communication gap💚💛💜

End result?  That communications gap may even lead to that unnecessary frustration and WHICH further obfuscates WHAT's really going on.  In a circus mirror attempt at being nice OR at least being perceived as being nice by NOT saying anything too harsh, the 'INDIRECT' speaker risks saying MANY words, communicating NOTHING and having both parties less connected with each other and with reality, for the effort😴😴😴

Our takeaway:  Let's align here right now.  NOBODY was born knowing HOW to communicate.  We learn HOW to communicate, the words we say, HOW we use OR are used even in silence, HOW directly we approach WHAT we mean, and even HOW we pronounce words.  Bottom line is that indirect communications is NOT just NOT nice BUT ineffective.  Have we forgotten that the SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN 2 POINTS IS A STRAIGHT LINE???

Wanna Change Someone's Mind? Better NOT Argue!

 

WANNA CHANGE SOMEONE'S MIND?  These days WHEN every gap, every disconnect and every misunderstanding may sometimes end up in an argument [sometimes known as CLASH OF TITANS], it tends to be like a battle for that moral high ground.  Psychologists tried to debug this issue and find a modus vivendi and the sage advice is:  DON'T ARGUE.  Instead, to disarm the other party, INVITE that person for a healthy interchange and initially, self-commit yourself to spend more time LISTENING than talking💚💛💜

Philosophically, experts say that in the middle of arguments, it is NOT far fetched that one of the variables is related to one's beliefs and WHEN beliefs get into the equation, they claim that beliefs tend to be tied up to one's identity, emotion, and even persona.  And in almost all interchanges that eventually escalate into a full-blown clash, people will tend to cling to their respective viewpoints [NO MATTER WHAT]❎❎❎

UNTIL that full-blown argument evolves and escalates to a full-fledged no holds barred confrontation that often backfires because the moment one of the protagonists feels judged [WHETHER prematurely OR not], that party will simply go on 'auto shutdown' mode, hearing and listening NADA and NOTHING.  HOW do we wiggle out of that impasse?  Experts advise that we can lead them into that PATH OF CURIOSITY.  HOW? Ask politely and calmly WHO OR WHERE was his source of that information OR data😌😌😌

In a subtle approach, let's try to reflect their concerns BACK TO THEM, hoping that we can dissect and mine 'shared values' before you start offering your own perspective.  YESsirrrrrs, this is NOT about backing down OR compromising your own principles.  Instead, this is all about creating enough trust for someone to even consider shifting theirs.  BUT human nature tells us that as much as you CAN'T fire with fire OR venom versus poison, WHEN we are in a standoff that still remains civil, this is all about figuring out WHAT OR WHERE is the chink in his armour😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Almost everyone is pitching [including the late Steve Jobs WHEN he launched iTunes for Windows] that arguments all boil down to persuasion and persuasion itself is never about charisma OR authority BUT more on the 'sequencing' of our approach to reach for 'common ground'.  There's that common pitfall, though, WHEN both protagonists never ever hoped to reached a 'common ground' because both parties are so glued to that 'LAST MAN STANDING' mindset WHICH then leads arguments to turn its ugly head. So, WANNA CHANGE SOMEONE'S MIND?  Better NOT Argue, not so fast!!! 

Fewer CHOICES, More HAPPINESS?

 

Fewer CHOICES, MORE HAPPINESS?  I really think so.  We DON'T need to look far away.  Let's relook at our very own selves.  If you step into any of those 7-Eleven, Lawson OR Family Mart convenience stores, do you remember if you spent like half an hour just to buy a specific item?  If I have to bet, one's average total clocktime in the convenience stores will be around 5 to 10 minutes.  Except probably WHEN during our 2-week holiday in Japan WHERE we were awed [and floored, maybe] by the one too many choices of foodies, chocolates and even drinks in most of their branches.  In fact, we always ended up like shopping right then and there.  BUT would you agree, FEWER CHOICES equates to MORE HAPPINESS??? 

In our world WHERE options abound, many assume that more choice equates to more freedom and therefore greater happiness.  Many recent researches increasingly suggests that the opposite may be true.  Fewer choices can actually lead us to a more content and satisfying life.  There's this counterintuitive idea coined by psychologists as the PARADOX OF CHOICE, it was explained that WHEN people are faced with one too many options, we tend to experience greater anxiety that even leads to that so called 'decision fatigue' and eventually regret.  WHILE having some choice is undoubtedly empowering, having too much choice can be mentally exhausting and paralyzing💥💥💥

A lot lab-based studies dissected into that puzzle as to HOW one too many choices can somehow undermine our happiness.  And the conclusion is that WHEN individual are forced to make multiple decisions in a day [LIKE WHAT to wear, WHAT to eat, WHAT to buy], their cognitive resources get depleted.  Ironically, the common conclusion amongst all those studies is that having fewer choices help preserve our mental energy for the decisions that really matter.  Here's some tidbits of information about the late Apples founder Steve Jobs as to WHY he wore the same outfit every day.  NOT out of laziness BUT to minimize trivial decisions and reduce cognitive load.  And another downside of excess choices is our 'post-decision' regret WHEREIN WHEN we have too many choices, we're more likely to imagine that a different choice might have been better.  That 'WHAT IF' mindset erodes our satisfaction.  WHETHER choosing a new smart phone, a car OR even a meal, the more alternatives we consider, the less confident we feel in our decision💚💛💜

Psychologists coined this unique tagging people WHO strive to make the best possible choice as "MAXIMIZERS" as they are easily most prone to this kind of regret and are often less happy overall than "SATISFICERS", WHO are content with a 'good enough' choice.  Simplifying our choices DOESN'T mean giving up our hard-earned freedom to choose.  Rather, it means, being selective about WHERE we devote our decision-making energy.  Practices like spiritual retreats OR minimalist living intentionally reduce our daily choices LIKE WHAT to eat OR do, thus freeing up significant mental space for deeper thought, creativity and even our emotional well-being.  True, small adjustments will go a long way to help.  LIKE if we try going for a 'choice diet', that limits our decision-making in areas of low importance LIKE WHAT to have for lunch OR WHICH brand of toothpaste to buy😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  I always believe in striking that 'right balance' in our decision-making, WITHOUT depriving us OR curtailing our freedom of choices BUT at the same time, WITHOUT pushing us into that involuntary 'analysis-paralysis' dilemma because in today's  hyper-choice culture, happiness may NOT lie in having more options BUT in having just enough and in being confident enough to choose without looking back.  And by simplying our decisions, we can then focus on WHAT truly matters and live more purposefully and achieve that mother of all bottomlines WHICH is HAPPINESS😊😊😊

Cheering, CHECK! Yelling is 'X''

 

Mr AI says that CHEERING in life encompasses both encouraging others and finding ways to uplift yourself [especially during challenging times].  BUT no sirrrrrrs, we WON'T spend time about CHEERING but slightly veer to that loud and rowdy YELLINGS we sometimes bear witness in our interactions.  It's true at some point in our life, we did end up YELLING BUT I believe everyone will agree that YELLING is NOT healthy for any relationship NOR is it a great way to yield any healthy OR productive results.  Good grief, psychologists advise that there are 'cheat codes' we can consider.  LIKE WHEN someone is YELLING, we should stay calm during that moment BUT it's more than that📗📙📘

Experts tell us that WHEN someone is YELLING, they are manifesting an attempt to emotionally rule over you with the end intent of gaining the upper hand in a situation.  In short, YELLING is their means to gain control over you.  In one word, it is intimidation no less.  BUT you might wonder WHY many end up that way?  It's because it yields results for them BUT only in the short-term though💥💥💥

Experts advise us to consider two critical points WHEN someone is YELLING on us:

• Understand the reason behind it
• Be cautious HOW you react to it

One misstep, and that could ignite a bigger fire than WHAT you have at hand WHILE the right approach can help to diffuse things, rather end up escalating the situation❌❌❌

BUT the bigger question is, HOW sure we're NOT escalating things?  Let's pick the brains of experts:

• DON'T mirror that rude behavior of others.  Let's learn the art remaining calm.  IF we react, surely they will react to our reaction and things will likely escalate
• Take a STEP BACK.  Pausing allows us to assess and figure out WHETHER it's worth waiting out that yeller
• DON'T as in DON'T AGREE WHEN you are YELLED.  Doing so means you succumbed to that YELLING
• Regardless of the situation OR problem, let the person know that you will NEVER accept being YELLED
• TAKE A BREAK to collect yourself and that's it

Our takeaway:  Sometimes, pausing can be challenging in a world WHERE things move so fast around us.  HOW I did it sometime in the past.  In those tense and stressful times, WHAT I'll do was scribble things out in a piece of paper as I thought that writing did provide me a distance between myself and my emotions.  Just a few of degrees of separation can be extremely beneficial to our mental health.  And that distance will provide us the opportunity to consider the emotion rather than acting on it immediately.  It also allows us to express ourselves safely without feeling the repercussions OR consequences.  Bottom line, if you're at the receiving end of YELLING, just DON'T stoop down to that very 'gutter level' dude😡😡😡

When Intellects Collide.....

WHO says intellectual discourse is damn boring?  I beg to disagree, so I'm sharing this Quora.com post by Alessandro:  American physicist Robert Williams Wood was on trial for 'beating the RED light'.  And he defended himself by claiming that the RED  traffic light appeared GREEN to him because of the relativistic "DOPPLER EFFECT".  Struck by the physicist's scientific explanation, the judge was about to acquit him when, suddenly, a young man intervened. With the intent of demolishing the physicist's statement, the young man offered to calculate the speed at which a driver would have to travel for a red light to appear green to him.  The judge accepted the young man's proposal and after the latter had finished his calculation, carried out with cold calm, changed the penalty for violation of the traffic code from 'for having gone through a RED light for having exceeded the maximum speed limit instead📗📙📘

The young man smiled ironically in the direction of Wood who, a few days earlier, in his capacity as a professor, had failed him in the physics exam.  This reminds me of that age-old cliche:  TIT for TAT.  Stone me and i'll stone you.  BUT WHAT I heard many times is that silence can be that deafening.  THAT is, if you are more quiet, the better control you have in life💚💛💜

Corollary to this, I often heard this one-liner as well:  LISTEN MORE, SPEAK LESS.  In the most practical terms, the less we speak, very obviously the lesser are the chances of us ending up uttering something 'stupid' OR just off-track.  Moreover, like it OR not, you may come out OR stand up as someone WHO is intellectually upright.  Net result, there is that high likelihood of people eager to hear WHAT you want to say.  WHAT an irony, right???

If there's one gaping hole most educational and academic systems share in common, most of their curricula are focused on the subjects and technical aspects BUT HOW often do we hear subjects that are focused on PEOPLE SKILLS, on SOFT SKILLS?  The irony here is that 90% of the time, we will be dealing with people and even getting into loggerheads with some of them is sometimes inevitable and this is WHERE our conflict resolution skills get into the picture.  BUT there's even a preemptive way and countermeasure to 'nip in the bud' potentially brewing conflicts😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  One lesson that gets refrained over and over again is DON'T BURN BRIDGES but WHAT gets missed here is the need to value every contact we make in life.  Even as we speak now, everytime I call the hotline, regardless IF it's my banker OR my favorite pizza delivery, first things first, I would inquire on the name at the other end of the line.  Regardless of intellect, WHAT we need to harness and enhance is our relationship-building and sustaining the gains.  We DON'T want to wait WHEN INTELLECTS COLLIDE, right dude???

Trueness, If We're On Time, We're Late!

 

NOT because I ran out of possible thread topics BUT I'll admit I miss talking about this [as it was my favorite one-liner zillion times for the past zillion years @ our workplace].  Working in a Japanese-centric organization for close to fourteen years was very memorable in the sense that I personally gained a lot of insights and lessons from a Japan perspective, one of WHICH is time management, unmatched anywhere else in the world💚💛💜

Sadly, PUNCTUALITY is one of the least talked about victims of our instantly connected world.  And someone tells me that there has been a marked improvement in PUNCTUALITY after we got hit by the Covid-19 Pandemic?  Nooooo sirrrrrs.  I have all the facts to prove that instead of improving, things turned from bad to worse. HOW and WHY?  If during the pre-pandemic, meeting attendees will step into the meeting room JIT [just in time], in those Zoom, Teams and Google Meet calls, attendees expect magic and miracles because it's a remote call!@#$%?

You'll be surprised, despite the remote setting of those virtual calls, joiners will end up miserably late for multiple frustrating reasons LIKE:

• The device camera OR audio OR both are not working?
• MS Teams is asking HOW the caller wants to join?
• GoogleMeet program starts to update by then?
• Zoom Call credentials is incorrect OR invalid?

Funny, I did even witness some attendees dressed to the 'T' up front BUT unconscious that the camera is turned ON, in the end, revealing a NOT so 'ethical' attire 'down below

The ramifications of the decline of these most basic best practices is regretful to say the least.  The death of proper grammar has been bemoaned for years as the shorthand of tweens texting has now moved onto Twitter.  The decline of our face to face interactions have been documented and mourned as people now prefer to sit at the dinner table and tweet about the people they're with instead of being with the people they're with😄😄😄

Our takeaway:  It just adds up to our sadness that the decline and deprioritization of PUNCTUALITY has become the 'silent victim' that I, and many others operating on HST [a.k.a. Hustle Standard Time] are most acutely aware of.  Little-little lessons here that can have serious ramifications and 'domino effect' in our lives is that much as we value our time immensely and want to show respect for other's time as well as it is the only possession that we have and will never get back once it's gone.  Trueness, IF WE'RE ON TIME, WE'RE LATE!@#$%

Is Dopamine Our Ally Or Nemesis?

 

For the longest time, multiple studies resulted in the same conclusion with regard the chemistry of our brain largely influences our own personality and emotions.  A most recent study added icing to the cake WHEN it found out that one personality trait in us humans is HOW sensitive amd responsive we are to incentives and rewards.  Dude, I'll be the first to raise my hand and scream 'AYE' because without doing a lookup into the lives of any one else, I just need to look deep inside me.  And I'll admit that zillions of times, incentives and rewards that were either tossed OR offered to me like carrots really triggered my 'spikes' and I'm cocksure that is exactly WHAT's been happening to almost anyone of us [except for outliers if there is some underlying 'disorder']📗📙📘

So, is DOPAMINE OUR ALLY OR NEMESIS? Apologies BUT till now, this is hotly debated by researchers because experts claim that some of us are motivated by signals of that 'incentive-reward' stuff and end up pursuing goals WHILE others are NOT.  The reason for that difference?  They argue that it is related to different levels of our responsiveness to DOPAMINE , one of those chemical substances that transmits nerve impulses through our brain💥💥💥

Doing a lookup in recent experiments on us humans, experts have concluded that DOPAMINE is strongly related to the trait some researches coined as "EXTRAVERSION" BUT since then, they translated it for a better appreciation of us layment by tagging it as 'positive emotionality'.  Same studies showed that the higher the level of DOPAMINE or the more responsive our brain is to DOPAMINE, the more likely a person is to be sensitive to incentives and rewards💚💛💜

To convince the doubters, the researchers tell us that the higher our level of DOPAMINE, OR the more responsive our brain is to DOPAMINE, the more likely we will be vulnerable and sensitive to incentives and rewards.  I CAN'T agree less with this.  I have NOT only witnessed these in the one too many competitive sports BUT I'd just like to get back as to how I did succumb to those incentives and rewards WHEN I was offered it many times💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  NOT to spoil things, we got to be wary [if NOT worry] with CHEAP DOPAMINE as it can 'pull our standards' to the lowest'. Imagine if your productivity OR performance OR positivities in life would consistently shoot up and spike each time incentives and rewards are dangled on you!@#$%  It's kind of saying, the more we look for instant fixes, the more we tend to lower our standards to DOPAMINE.  Mind you, there is distraction everywhere.  BUT is that distraction so powerful that we end up letting it take control of our life?  It's like we wake up every morning to live our life on that dreaded default mode  WHERE you DON'T make decisions and instead, you end up influenced to make decisions.  So, is DOPAMINE OUR ALLY OR NEMESIS?  Dude, it's HOW you manage it every step of the way😊😊😊

Forgiving Versus Forgetting

 

One of the centuries-old debate that has hardly died down is that thing WHETHER FORGIVING IS FORGETTING?  And ironically, I did bear witness [first hand at that] peace and calmness that suddenly snowballs into an altercation and later into a full-blown quarrel and conflict.  And digging the very root of that full-blown conflict apparently reflected a historical note WHEREIN in the past, there was a shortfall [call it a fault OR shortcoming] from someone and somehow the olive branch was offered and both protagonists amicably agreed to just close that unfortunate chapter for them to move on.  Until one day that 'ticking time bomb' explodes again in their face!@#$%?

BUT for now, let's attack the bull by its horn.  Is FORGIVING really FORGETTING?  Trying to forget WHAT happened and simply wiping the slate clean?  BUT does that really work for us humans?  OR WHEN forgiving ourselves?  True, WHILE it's always important to FORGIVE, it does NOT always mean that we have to act AS IF nothing happened in the past, NO sirrrrs because FORGIVENESS DOESN'T require the removal of those consequences OR denying that trust was broken💚💜💛

And at times, maybe for the sake of our mental health, that FORGIVENESS process has to happen without pursuing reconciliation with the wrongdoer.  In short, it's playing a super delicate balancing act, navigating and wading through perilous and dangerous waters WHERE a slight tilt of the boat can capsize it outright.  Multiple researches show that FORGIVENESS allows our memories to remain intact as those of someone WHO HASN'T forgotten and only our suffering in the present changes.  And that all the difference is in the feeling that those memories bring about at a time of retrieval.  Ironically, WHAT shocked researchers is that people WHO did FORGIVE [even in good faith] were able to recall all the details of that past event that cause a past conflict as clearly as those WHO DIDN'T forgive [and that includes their emotional pain at that point in time]💧💧💧

As another one-liner goes very much in parallel to our FORGIVING versus FORGETTING conundrum, many elders would give us the sage advice that wounds do heal and that's 10000% true and correct.  BUT hey dude, more often, SCARS remain and likely it will remain therein for quite sometime.  Parallel to our thread today, all these researches suggest that FORGIVING cannot be equated to FORGETTING at all.  Instead, we need to change our emotional relationship to WHAT happened, allowing us to recall our past hurt and WHO'S responsible without harming our own well-being.  this could have important implications for those WHO might want to FORGIVE but are afraid it will impact them❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  In conclusion, almost all researches sing the same tune, that is, WHEN we FORGIVE, we change our judgment of WHAT happened during the wrongdoing BUT we still consider the people that wronged us as being culpable and therefore morally responsible for WHAT happened to us.  There's that human frailty dude.  Another reason we SHOULDN'T conclude that people might NOT always feel more benevolent after FORGIVING is that the transgressions may NOT be as severe as in other contexts like war OR genocide BUT if there's a streak of light here, is that FORGIVENESS can be cultivated after all BUT both protagonists should do it in good faith, and preferably in cadence😊😊😊