Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

Akin to exercise, meditation and even budgeting, Setting Boundaries is our most common YET unseen challenge in our every day life.  YET, it's a reality we need to face and take action, one way OR the other.  Even so, finding the time to change any of our unhealthy behaviors, learn and build new habits is easier said than done.  However, WHEN reality kicks in, SETTING BOUNDARIES is easier said than done📗📙📘

Truth is, SETTING BOUNDARIES is inevitable.  Between home and work, business and personal, friendship and business, financials and non-financials, academics and co-curricular, socials and civic engagements, counselling and discipline, these are the most common areas in our daily life where SETTING BOUNDARIES is a must do.  WHAT IF we ignore SETTING BOUNDARIES?  YES YOU MAY but brace yourself for the ramifications!@#$%?

WHAT we often miss out here is that understanding HOW to SET BOUNDARIES [a.k.a. setting personal limits] is essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships.  Very recently, a colleague was about to leave our organization and in her last days of employ, she sent me an SMS borrowing a 'sum of money' for reasons I will not divulge here.  BUT I realized one thing, there was NO BOUNDARY that moment💥💥💥

It's true almost everyone know what 'BOUNDARIES' mean BUT quite a number DON'T have an idea WHAT they are, seriously.  True, literally speaking, BOUNDARIES are like property lines BUT in life, BOUNDARIES are NOT rigid lines drawn in the sand that are clear for all to see.  BOUNDARIES are a way to take care of ourselves.  WHEN we understand HOW to set and maintain healthy BOUNDARIES, we can likely avoid the feelings of resentment, disappointment and anger that may build up WHEN limits are pushed❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Before I get misunderstood whether I'm more for loose OR open BOUNDARIES, let's be 'spot on' for these tell-tale signs we're off-track:

• IF we get too involved with others' problems?
• IF we can't say NO to others' requests?
• IF we 'overshare' personal info [like in social media]?
• IF we seek to please others for fear of rejection?

In a nutshell, BOUNDARIES are healthy for helping you to identify and keep that space you deserve❗❗❗

Scarier DEEPFAKEs!

 

Do you need to be a DEEPFAKE expert to validate the authenticity of this picture?  NO sirrrrs, you can be a school grader BUT surely you can safely conclude that this is another DEEPFAKE simply because it is impossible for these personalities to be standing behind the official rostrum of U.S. President Donald Trump.  BUT otherwise, can every Tom, Dick and Harry be in the best position to validate all the possible DEEPFAKEs scattered all over social media!!!

Now, as DEEPFAKES become more convincing, there is now a growing risk of losing trust in digital content.  People may then become skeptical of the authenticities [except for the 'blind' followers and fanatics of personalities all over us].  Think about this, though.  The growth of DEEPFAKE material has been exponential with statistics showing that DEEPFAKEs online are doubling every six months❌❌❌

The scariest part of these unfortunate implications of DEEPFAKE is that it poses significant challenges to our society, from showbiz to politics to business.  Just to encapsulate the current impact to us all:

• POLITICAL MANIPULATION - DEEPFAKES have already disrupted political landscapes everywhere
• MISINFORMATION & FAKE NEWS - If there's a percentage of FAKE NEWS, will that make me believe more every BREAKING NEWS from hereon?

• PRIVACY CONCERNS - This is scarier because DEEPFAKES can be used for harmful purposes, like creating FAKE content featuring individuals WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT
• IMPACT to BUSINESS - YES, even the business world is NOT exempt from DEEPFAKES.  Think of possibilities like CEO impersonation to creation of fraudulent content

Our takeaway:  NOT to be an alarmist BUT what this subtly reminds us is to be Xtra careful, Xtra cautious and Xtra skeptical, if needed, WHEN persons OR entities you CAN'T trust enough will request for your personal information.  BTW, there are a thousand and one possibilities of a ruse scammers can come up for you to fall prey to these sinister DEEPFAKES💥💥💥

That Unwillingness To CHANGE!

That Unwillingness To CHANGE!

Two nights ago, I was having a casual exchange of thoughts with a US-based HR executive and frankly I told her that if you've got ten people in your team, you've got to have ten different management styles [that's AT THE VERY LEAST, excluding that need to iterate when even one person manifests his own 'chameleon' versions].   And if you're introducing CHANGE, you can have one hell of a ballgame.  That Unwillingness To CHANGE!!!

Personally, I have witnessed on first-hand basis, battalions of up-and-coming aspiring leaders [be it in the corporate world OR even in business] BUT sadly, I've seen a big chunk of them falling flat and failing in their aspirations.  My prognosis?  Many of them were pushing for a CHANGE proposition BUT seemingly started things on the wrong foot WHEN they thought that since they themselves were the executive sponsor of that CHANGE, it will roll out as easy the rolling dice at The Strip [in Las Vegas]😖😖😖

BUT what else an aspiring leader can do WHEN faced with an ubiquitous resistance?  Fact here is that resistance to CHANGE manifests itself in multifarious ways [sometimes it's like countless] starting from foot-dragging and inertia to petty sabotage to even an outright mutiny [OR even a 'rebellion'].  WHERE's the shortfall here?  This leads us to roll-in by combining the best of both worlds, of being tactical and strategic💧💧💧

One answer to this loops of chronic resistance is that it comes with age.  The old cliche teaches us that it is much easier to bend a young bamboo shoot rather than attempting to straighten a bended oak tree.  BUT for purposes of our thread, let's exclude that variable as an outlier.  And the thing is, there is NO such thing as standing STILL in life.  And bluntly, IF you're NOT moving forward, you're ACTUALLY moving backward!@#$%? So, indeed it's quite baffling HOW some people seem to identify a problem in their lives then they decide to CHANGE something from within themselves WHEREAS others DON'T seem to be able to take real positive steps like that✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  I've seen this over and over again.  Some folks seem to stay STUCK [reminds me of Lionel Richie's "STUCK ON YOU" hit] NO matter HOW hard they try.  Some will even reach out for self-help measures, even talking to friends and family and even go to therapy BUT their issues remain unresolved.  And it's even MORE painful WHEN it's YOU and YOU are watching yourself live that way.  NO QUICK FIX but consider these:

• SEE THAT CLEAR PATH - There's NO other way here.
• ARE YOU WALLED OFF - Tear down those walls ASAP
• ARE YOU COMFORTABLY UNCOMFORTABLE - damn it

Accept Everything In Life!

Accept Everything In Life!

If I were a salesman and I'll pitch our thread on hand today, I'll admit it's a tough call to make, a tough job to commit to.  WHY?  Because to blurt out ACCEPT EVERYTHING JUST THE WAY IT IS, that is easier said than done at all.  BUT if we think about it, ACCEPTING DOESN'T mean giving up BUT improving and learning to be better.  Because in the first place, HOW can you face the world if you CAN'T face your own self?  OR you CAN'T control yourself?  True, at times, we're down and demotivated💥💥💥

It happens many times in life, n the midst of turmoil, we would even question WHY did we end up facing those challenges and crises.  DO I DESERVE IT, really?  ACCEPTANCE grounds you in WHAT is true, WHERE you have to start for any true effectiveness, happiness and eventually healing.  Can we recognize WHAT we are NOT accepting?  That recognition could be the most common things in life, including the way our body and health is changing, aligned with age, then couple that with our cases of upsets with others that AREN'T healing, past failures, OR NOT having enough$$$ 

Now, for the hardest part, some of the losses we suffer and endure in life are irreversible.  Either THAT person, THAT moment, THAT opportunity would never be coming back, WHATEVER happens.  Perhaps, you turned a corner recently and NOW you wish you've turned the other way?  Psychologists claim that in their studies, it has been shown that often, WHAT blocks us from ACCEPTING a condition is WHAT you did experience if [ONLY] you accepted the condition.  To ACCEPT that experience, try to step back and endeavor to witness it instead💧💧💧

It's true some exceptions in life are indeed painful.  And here's WHAT the experts counsel us.  If it's that painful, do TOUCH IT AND LET IT GO.  Take your time, and take breaks if you need to.  We are also advised to notice the ways we DON'T accept some specific things in life.  Any kind of anger OR righteousness is usually a clue.  YES, you can be discerning, persuasive OR consequential regarding someone WITHOUT tipping into struggling with him OR her❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Can we consider to lowering our standards for others WHILE raising the bar for our own selves?  DON'T get me wrong it, though.  I DON'T mean being more critical of our own self BUT instead rather, being less critical of others and more focused on raising our own level of well-being and functioning.  It's easy to ACCEPT beautiful sunsets and golden prizes and it's the hard things that are hard to ACCEPT.  BUT can we ACCEPT EVERYTHING IN LIFE, if only to give that a fair chance, dude???

How Often We Cause Our Own Problem?

How Often We Cause Our Own Problem?

We live in a world of problems, right dude?  Surely we will hue to that observation simply because there's a deluge of problems everywhere, regardless if your periphery is somewhere the Middle East, OR Europe OR somewhere the Americas OR even across Asia-Pacific.  Yessssirrrrs, our lives are filled with many challenges.  All of us struggle with our respective personal problems, name it, STRESS, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, SELF-DOUBT, ADDICTION and those endless worries related to our health, finances and even the distant future.  So, How Often [REALLY] We Cause Our Own Problem???

Our relationships with our spouse/partner, immediate family, and even other family members are often riddled with conflict and our relationships with our friends, neighbors, bosses and even co-workers are [sometimes] challenging as well.  YES, society heaps on additional concerns in the form of crime, violence, economic problems, prejudice, political discord, terrorism and even environmental issues [heard about our global warming woes?].  True, almost all of these problems are NOT that simple enough and sometimes their solutions remain elusive to say the least💧💧💧

BUT hey, would you agree if we say that for the most part, a huge big chunk of those problems are caused [OR to be blunt about it, CREATED] by us, human beings.  Most of the problems we face, within ourselves, in our relationships with other people and in society, are caused by people.  Granted a few problems DON'T require human collusion [think about those typhoons, tsunamis and earthquakes], BUT most do.  Human behavior is by far the single largest cause of our difficulties that each of us experience in life.  Let's put it this way:  MOST PROBLEMS ARE PEOPLE PROBLEMS and the people WHO cause the problems are quite often, US!@#$%

There lies the hitherto unknown paradox about human nature.  On one hand, human beings have used their intelligence, creativity and ability to work together, collaborating in groups to improve life dramatically through technology and science [and even via those platforms in education and heath care].  BUT on the other hand, let's face it,  human beings also behave in highly questionable adaptive ways that tend to create a slew of social, relational OR personal problems either for themselves OR to others. So, HOW can we be so intelligent and effective and YET also so dysfunctional?  WHAT is wrong with us, dude???

Our takeaway:  True, naturally, we all focus mostly on ourselves and our own lives and we tend to view the world mostly from just our own perspective.  Sadly, sometimes, we view things that way either intentionally out of sheet habits that evolve into our persona.   So, WHY is it most of us are more preoccupied with our own selves than it is needed?  And when excessive self-centeredness creeps, that is enough recipe for us to CAUSE OUR OWN PROBLEMS😗😗😗

Do We Go For The URGENT One? Or The IMPORTANT One?

Do We Go For The URGENT One?  Or The IMPORTANT One?

Yessirrrrrrs, there's a very huge gap that separates the URGENT ones versus the IMPORTANT ones.  So, Do We Go For The URGENT One?  Or The IMPORTANT One?  The late U.S. President Dwight 'Ike' Eisenhower was well quoted when he quipped:  I HAVE TWO KINDS OF PROBLEMS:  THE URGENT AND THE IMPORTANT.  THE URGENT ARE NOT IMPORTANT AND THE IMPORTANT ARE NOT URGENT, whew!!!

Very true, there is that HUGE difference between the IMPORTANT versus the URGENT ones at hand any day.  Now, let's dice and drill here.  URGENT ones are always focused on the present moment, like they need attention RIGHT NOW and if they are NOT dealt with, the consequences also happen RIGHT NOW.  On the other hand, IMPORTANT ones belong to the long-term goals and items more of strategic value .  They are slower, connected to a 'long game' of personal OR professional development💧💧💧

Truth is, we tend to give our attention to URGENT tasks at the expense of IMPORTANT tasks.  URGENT tasks come in HOT into our inboxes and 'scream loudly' for resolution and they have always been tagged as the 'LATEST and LOUDEST'.  They are almost always someone else's problem, given to us on a short notice and that amplifies the volume.  So naturally, we tend to focus on those first.  YES, sometimes, that is the right thing to do BUT it does become a serious problem WHEN we are only dealing with the URGENT and NOT giving adequate time to the IMPORTANT things that sit there, quietly and patiently😊😊😊

Through the years at work managing operations and delivery teams, every member was driven by SLA's [service level agreements].  That's on the assumption that every single ticket initiated by our clients was both URGENT + IMPORTANT.  But the $64 question is, are each of those raised tickets REALLY URGENT + IMPORTANT?  Based on the years of experience behind me, I think that that assumption is so off-track because, culling from my first-hand experiences, easily 30% may be either URGENT or IMPORTANT but 100% CAN'T be both URGENT + IMPORTANT!!!

Our takeaway:  DON'T look so far away and DON'T turn simple circumstances into complex ones.  Instead, can we consider [and embrace this Eisenhower Matrix] which divides all tasks across flur [4] quadrants.  And WHAT's eye-opening here is that we are being encouraged to dump OR ignore anything that is NOT both URGENT + IMPORTANT.  Instead, what this quadrant tells us that in 3 out 4 scenarios, we can still pursue that task by either DOING, PLANNING or DELEGATING tasks.  So, DO WE GO FOR THE URGENT ONE?  OR THE IMPORTANT ONE?  OR BOTH???

When In Deep Water, Where's Your Lifeline?

When In Deep Water, Where's Your Lifeline?

When In Deep Water, Where's Your Lifeline?  Tough call to make BUT the harsh reality in life is that any survival situation will quickly tell you WHO YOU ARE.  WHETHER it is losing a loved one to being diagnosed with a long-term illness, OR being in 'close shaves' with death, those experiences and life events can be deadly OR profound depending on HOW we react to them.  True, most people react with fear and emotional response rather than their cognitive reason, survival skills OR intuition📗📙📘

This is quite a surprising outcome from a recent research by U.S. psychologists WHOSE studies showed that only around 10 to 20 percent of untrained people can stay calm and think in the midst of a survival emergency.  So, that led me wondering, HOW are the majority of us reacting during the non-emergency situations IF we CAN'T keep calm WHEN our life depends on it???  Now, psychologists counsel us to believe that anything is possible.  As they say, THINGS THAT HAVE NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.  Let's take that both for the good and the bad, to inject a balanced perspective.  On the intangibles, we are advised to STAY HUMBLE.  One old quote says:  EVERY TIME YOU STEP INTO A RIVER, IT'S A DIFFERENT RIVER. In short, we need to remember that we are NOT a master NO MATTER how much experience we have.  Got to LEARN and RELEARN!!!

Oh yes, this rings a bell.  We are encouraged to be ADAPTABLE.  Besides being organized, let's create and craft our goals, plot our game plan, BUT dude, let's NOT 'worship it'.  We are warned NOT to 'fall in love' even with our own game plan BUT instead, let us be flexible and never loose that 'BEGINNER's' mindset and be able to remap our plan over and over again, if need be.  As they say, THOSE WHO AVOID ACCIDENTS ARE THOSE WHO SEE THE WORLD CLEARLY😌😌😌

Oh yes, we are advised to STAY CALM [even if we get caught right at the eye of the storm].  One recurring post-mortem of our human behaviors after emergencies show that stress and paranoia are useless to the mind and instead, can even cause that crippling effect, kind of paralyzing you, literally speaking, during those 'emergency' moments.  BUT that DOESN'T fix things when we're in DEEP WATER❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Before anything else gets us waylaid, first and foremost, let us take care of our own selves.  We are responsible ONLY for our own self.  We've got families and loved ones BUT the fact is no one is going to rescue you BUT yourself.  You CAN'T count on others [as much as your loved ones and family want to].  And to cap it all, let us LISTEN to our GUT, always.  Having intuition over impulse can save you WHEN you need it most dude.  So, WHEN IN DEEP WATER, WHERE'S YOUR LIFELINE???

AI Is Onboarded, Time To Fasten Your Seatbelt

AI Is Onboarded, Time To Fasten Your Seatbelt

AI Is Onboarded, Time To Fasten Your Seatbelt.  These days, voice technology is everywhere.  Voice-enabled digital devices and virtual assistants from, name it, Amazon, Google and many others, we all know their intentions is to leverage on AI technology.  And having been in the technology space for quite some time now, I've always been fascinated by the advancements of artificial intelligence [AI] and that should NOT be a surprise to anyone of us📗📙📘

From intelligent personal assistants to ChatGPT and even to self-driving cars in the U.S., indeed AI has now permeated various aspects of our daily lives.  Many times when I visit the portals of even major technology companies like SingTel, among others, an automated attendant will always prompt me.  Indeed, one area that has seen significant progress is AI voice technology BUT with these advancements come certain risks💥💥💥

As someone WHO keeps a keen eye on AI developments, I've come to realize that while AI voices offer incredible potential, they also present several glaring dangers to us all.  Voice cloning and impersonation is one of the most-talked developments these days which poses serious risks as technology allows for the creation of synthetic voices that can mimic human voices with astonishing accuracy😃😃😃

WHILE this has fantastic applications, such as helping those with impairments OR disabilities, it also opens the door to the impersonation and scams.  Cybercriminals and scammers can use AI-generated  to impersonate individuals.  Let's share a realistic scenario here [without unduly causing a SCARE].  Your mobile phone lights and rings as there is an incoming call from a number NOT in your phonebook.  And you picked up that UNKNOWN CALL!!!

WHILE you had the best intentions to pick up an incoming call from an UNKNOWN CALLER, do you know that when you uttered 'HELLO' 2 or 3 or even for a 5th time before you hanged up the call, do you know that your voice could have been recorded by anyone with a sinister plan?  FOR WHAT?  To clone your voice and it's NOT even far-fetched to paint a worst-case scenario wherein one day, either your immediate family members OR one of your business associates will receive a call from 'someone' whose voice sounds very much like yours, mimicking you and running their plotted spiel.  God know WHAT happens next.  So, dude, without sounding cynical, let's welcome AI technology with caution, with validation💥💥💥

Who Says Progressing Is NOT Good?

Who Says Progressing Is NOT Good?

Many of us [and that includes me [sometime in my past]] have this misconceptual thing with regard PROGRESS because for many of us, it's COMPLETION that matters, and no less than that. Who Says Progressing Is NOT Good?  True, PROGRESSING might NOT give you that feeling of having done OR completed a task because, again [for many of us], a task that is IN PROGRESS is indeed called PROGRESS but it's NOT COMPLETE.  Hey dude, even if it's for only 1%, you're still PROGRESSING.  Truth is, PROGRESS doesn't have to be a linear line from bottom to top.  In your social media account, it DOESN'T have to be 10 followers then to 100 followers next week and then 1,000 followers next month.  In most cases, it DOESN'T work that way📗📙📘

Reality needs to sink in to us that, like in social media, your PROGRESS could be ZERO [as in ZERO followers] this month, next month and then next next month, you're still staring at ZERO followers until in the 4th OR 5th month, you gain 5 to 10 followers.  That's PROGRESS you gained dude!  Well, we are misconceptualized by the word 'COMPLETING' rather than focusing on PROGRESS.  This leads us to be misguidedly embracing that RESULTS matter [and NOT PROGRESS?]!  This leads us to never feel satisfied with WHAT we do and end up doing nothing in the future.  This explains WHY many people fail to be consistent without realizing WHY.  True, feeling COMPLETE is that important BUT feeling COMPLETE DOESN'T have to be something big like finishing a book today💥💥💥

If you're writing a book, you DON'T have to write 1,500 words every day IF you still AREN'T capable of doing that on a more consistent manner.  This is WHY, sometime back, I became aware of WHY we have problems with procrastination and taking action.  It's because we CAN'T see ahead.  It's just too big of WHAT we need to face and start, WHICH ends up being lazy enough to take action.  Since that time I myself did wake up to this realization, I never cease to constantly remind myself the importance of starting small be in reading, writing any anything else I will endeavor to start.  And this reminds me of a quotable quote from Mark Twain who says NOTHING will PROGRESS unless and until you start it off.  Oh Oh Oh, that hits the nail right on its head!!!

This brings us to the power of STARTING SMALL.  To build our reading habits, start with one sentence.  Building our writing habits starts with writing one sentence.  Building exercise habits starts with preparing your shoes.  When I started with my blogging, I gave myself a target to complete 1 blog per week, and that increased to like 2 to 3 blogs a week till after a year, it progressed to 1 blog daily.  That gave me a week's buffer in case I missed out some days due to my other deliverables.  Today, unless my plate is overflowing, I'm averaging 2 to 3 blogs per day.  WHEN I started my exercise habits, I targeted 15 to 20 minutes walking translating to 2,000 steps.  Today, in most days [except WHEN rain spoils out my schedule], I would complete anywhere between 8,000 to 10,000 steps a day💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  The key to starting small is supposed to be easy and repeatable.  Then, WHEN we humbly enough start small, we can start feeling complete.  We start to WIN daily tasks and start to enjoy the progress even more.  Daily WINS are building your confidence to take another task, then another task, then another task.  Eventually, you start to work on a bigger task and strengthen your consistency.  YES YES yohhh, STARTING SMALL is a 'cheating path'.  WHO SAYS PROGRESSING IS NOT GOOD???

It CAN'T Be Stormy & Raining Forever

It CAN'T Be Stormy & Raining Forever

How often did we hear this one-liner:  BE STRONG NOW BECAUSE THINGS WILL GET BETTER.  IT MIGHT BE STORMY NOW BUT IT CAN'T RAIN FOREVER.  Let's face it.  Regardless of your fame, fortune, OR abilities, life is always filled with difficulties.  You get to choose HOW you will react to those difficulties.   And learning HOW to deal with them in healthy and productive ways could [likely] result in personal growth and peace of mind.  And while everyone will agree that  It CAN'T Be Stormy & Raining Forever, our effective approaches to coping with life's challenges should be our focus because at the end of the day, we might be spinning in a loop of overthinking, instead of working from our strengths and taking time for our well-deserved self-care.  And talking about OVERTHINKING, WHEN problems arise in our lives, it is natural to focus inward as a way to try to find solutions to relieve the discomfort and unhappiness life's problems bring📗📙📘

True, WHEN problems do arise, the more we mull over a problem OR situation, the unhappier and more stressed YOU will feel, and YOU likely will NOT have found the solution yet.  In addition, OVERTHINKING has been found to interfere with our ability to solve problems, sap your motivation, and sustain OR worsen feelings of sadness.  Stopping OVERTHINKING is a lot easier said than done BUT psychologists still claim, we can hurdle it.  HOW???

Picking the brains of the SMEs, allow me to share here:

• DISTRACT yourself - WHEN you realize you are OVERTHINKING, find something fun [OR safe] to do to completely divert your attention away from OVERTHINKING
• SWITCH your thinking - Like screaming to yourself 'STOP!' then find something to think about that will NOT stress you
• SCHEDULE TIME - Set aside 15 to 30 mins each day to DO NOTHING BUT OVERTHINK.  Knowing that there will be a specific time for OVERTHINKING will help you to stop doing so the rest of the day.  Let's try this out.
• WRITE IT OUT - Write out your thoughts so you can organize and make sense of them.  OVERTHINKING complicates your thinking BUT writing down allows the dust to settle
  

Our eventual goal here is to replace our worrisome thoughts because true freedom comes in learning to replace obsessive and negative thoughts with either neutral OR positive thoughts at best.  We got to really remember that hard things in life DON'T and WON'T determine our identity.  Especially WHEN we are in a negative mood [WHICH does happen sometimes to us all] BUT the thing is, let us NOT look for the cracks.  OVERTHINKING uses up your mental resources, making it difficult to concentrate on other things💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  WHAT else can we do?  Allow me to state the super-obvious.  SOLVE WHAT CAN BE SOLVED.  Take a STEP [even if it's a damn, tiny, mini STEP] toward solving the problem[s] causing your OVERTHINKING and if you need to, you could write a list of every possible solution to the problem[s] at hand.  Let us take that concerted action instead of waiting for something to happen.  And yes, let us figure out the very 'TRIGGERS' of your OVERTHINKING and then avoid them OR alter the circumstances so they NO longer trigger OVERTHINKING.  Yes dude, IT CAN'T BE STORMY AND RAINING FOREVER😍😍😍