So What's Wrong With Being 'AVERAGE'?

So What's Wrong With Being 'AVERAGE'?

So What's Wrong With Being 'AVERAGE'?  Since when did being AVERAGE carry such a STING, an unspoken STIGMA so much so that being AVERAGE in life is shunned off by almost all of us [and may I confess, this is a very late realization for me because I'm equally guilty for [VERY WRONGLY] riding on that bandwagon because there's NOTHING wrong with being AVERAGE in all aspects of life📗📙📘

After enduring an almost lifetime of shunning off being AVERAGE in any aspect of life, I humbly admit that I now long for the freedom of NOT caring whether I'm good enough.  Trying so damn hard all the time can indeed be draining and exhausting and for WHAT reason?  To grab that chance of being better than AVERAGE?  So, WHY can't we accept AVERAGE?  And frankly, WHY can't we settle for AVERAGE?  That, in itself, is telling, AS IF being AVERAGE is something we settle for BUT not something we aspire to💵💷💶

Now, let's work with facts.  By the LAW OF AVERAGES, most of us are AVERAGE.  So, there is just NOTHING wrong with AVERAGE, yet I expect more from myself, you yourself expecting more from yourself?  Is that FAIR?  Is that a FAIR ASK?  Let's be brutally honest here.  Most of my friends are AVERAGE people, living in AVERAGE homes, with AVERAGE jobs.  BUT, do you know WHAT's not AVERAGE in them❓❓❓

Their hearts, their souls are, frankly, off the charts, exceptional.  They 'sprinkle and sparkle' in ways the top percentile of mankind could only be left dreaming of, probably.  Now, what drives us into this dilemma?  Is it RELEVANCE?  BUT if we're NOT RELEVANT, are we then irrelevant? Now, let me admit, within my core, I carry a rock of irrelevance, a primal belief that sometimes may burden someone of being worthless OR unwanted❎❎❎

WHAT's our takeaway today?  THAT it's okay to be part of the crowd.  THAT we DON'T need to stand out and dazzle like a diamond.  Sometimes, being a piece of coal brings more warmth and meaning anyway.  DON'T get me wrong, though.  We're NOT espousing that we remain AVERAGE in life.  In the spirit of performance and living life to the fullest, WHO does not relish being at the top of the totem pole, whether in terms of work performance OR being successful in life.  BUT if we stumble across someone AVERAGE, let us embrace the AVERAGE❗❗❗

'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State

'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State

'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State,  And all studies are aligned to this given.  WHY?  Because, in unison, everyone says that 'BUSY" is simply a FEELING and moreover, we can control that FEELING.   Now, please DON'T get me wrong.  I'm NOT trying to stir here a sandstorm because, fact is, everyone has a lot of things to do each day [and BTW, that list will NEVER end].  And millions of people all over the world could have same OR similar routines everyday seven days a week, in fact.  So, do we agree that 'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State❓❓❓

Despite the frenetic paces of our daily lives, have you heard some 'noises' like.... A beshie/BFF blurting out to her BFF:  You forgot to INVITE me your housewarming/blessing OR the head of the family scratching his head as he forgot to 'fund' his bank account for a cheque to be cleared that day OR at work, you forgot to ensure that a deliverable to your client gets done latest today❓❓❓

So, WHAT could have caused those misses?  This is NO mind-boggling thing but the most common woe everyday is that someone just DIDN'T WRITE IT DOWN.  It's true we have automated DINGs reminding us but how come sometimes it gets missed? NOT writing down WHAT you have to do means you are solely relying on your brain to manage ALL the things you need to do.  BUT hey, our brains are simply 'damn terrible' at being a To-do List Manager.  BUT hey, that title OR designation is simply non-existent.  Our brain does NOT and CAN'T just compartmentalize what needs to be done & WHEN💴💷💵

BUT true, sometimes our brain REMINDS us to reply to an email [WHILE you're brushing your teeth before going to bed].  Sometimes, it reminds you that you need to do a quick 'car wash' [which you wanted to] BUT your brain reminds you that while you are in the midst of your presentation at work.  So HOW?  Go, get yourself a simple ring-binder notebook and carry it with you everywhere so you can write things on-the-fly.  OR maybe you have your own systems in place but it's just too complicated😒😒😒

Heard of To-do List with dependencies cutting across a fraction of a day or after 2.5 days.  OR when tracking your bank balance, you need to be alerted each time the running balance decreases between $100 to $200?  OR maybe you're NOT efficiently using your calendars on your laptop or smartphone.  OR maybe you just CAN'T say 'NO' to anyone who throws ad hoc requests to you?  At the end of the day, where does this lead you?  Probably, you drive and reach home, down and drained.  BUT hey, 'BUSYNESS' IS NOT A PHYSICAL STATE!@#$%?

Is GRATEFULNESS Foreign-sounding?

Is GRATEFULNESS Foreign-sounding?

Is GRATEFULNESS Foreign-sounding?  It seems I guess because experts say that generally, there are MENTAL ROADBLOCKS like feeling impatient, having high expectations OR thinking that the subject may be too sentimental.  BUT devoting enough time to the practice can help CHANGE one's mentality about GRATITUDE.  So, question to us all:  Are you the type WHO wants to enjoy the benefits of GRATITUDE but are finding it quite a difficult habit to adopt💴💷💵

BUT before we look for the FIXES, let's combine hands to figure out as to WHY feeling GRATITUDE can be quite hard for many of us.  Studies cite three common reasons.  First, GRATITUDE can seem touchy and in our daily rat race, people can blurt, 'I DON'T NEED THAT.  AND BTW I'M BUSY'.  BUT for those with earnest efforts to exert, you might be just procrastinating to even start  OR that habit probably has yet to catch on❔❔❔

Second common reason for us feeling challenged to find GRATITUDE may be attributed to our high expectations [which we feel, are NOT met].  Let's take a real-life scenario.  You call a handyman contractor to fix your plumbing issues at home and by the time the handyman left, he did fix your issues BUT with your high expectations, you feel that that handyman's services was NOT enough.  Worst, if you are in the midst of anxiety OR depression, you just CAN'T turnaround fast to have that GRATITUDE📌📌📌

So, WHAT simple ways can we have GRATITUDE?  First, if satisfaction is WHAT you seek, GRATITUDE is certainly one key ingredient.  The more we seek out feelings of GRATEFULNESS, the more rewards it will bring to our life.  Second, psychologists claim that GRATITUDE is a form of SELF-CARE and SELF-CARE is as important as ever.  Three years into that pandemic, the value of SELF-CARE should catch our attention❗❗❗

Third, while GRATITUDE may seem difficult at first, that challenge to feel GRATEFUL will subside behind one's regular and constant efforts.  The fourth reason should be an EYE-OPENER to us all.  It's best to have LITTLE or NO expectations for WHAT a GRATITUDE practice may bring.  Expecting too much from a GRATITUDE practice may just disappoint you.  Next, making GRATITUDE a habit [just similar to exercise] is easier when considered fun or enjoyable.  Let's endeavor to bring our FOCUS to feelings of appreciation for whatever you find.  Do SAVOR [that] APPRECIATION.  And BTW, GRATITUDE strengthens relationships.  WHEN feeling lonely or isolated, you can use GRATITUDE to strengthen relationships.  Yes dude, GRATEFULNESS is NOT foreign-sounding, after all✅✅✅

Can We Temper Over-thinking?

Can We Temper Over-thinking?

Can we temper over-thinking?  Yes we can.  BUT if indeed we want to control our mind, this will take a bit of determination [and NOT gargantuan efforts] because sometimes, the reality we're staring it is just a tough nut to crack.  A major family conflict.  A recent breakup.  A financial 'fiasco'.  These are just the 'most major' stuff we CAN'T be blamed to keep over-thinking.  And then, factor-in those 'UNWANTED' thoughts which can cause plenty of frustration and distress.  And BTW, you're NOT alone in wanting to make them go away📘📗📙

It's just normal to have trouble convincing yourself to 'LOOK UP' when feeling downcast in the face of stress and other challenges.  And while actual mind control belongs in the realm of 'science fiction', let's face it, you can work to CHANGE your mindset.  And psychologists always harp that, first things first, we need to identify the THOUGHTS we want to CHANGE✅✅✅

It goes without saying that you have to figure out WHAT's on your mind before you can even begin to control it.  And nearly everyone experiences discouraging thoughts OR even emotional setbacks from time to time.  And if you're currently experiencing some life challenges, you might find it even harder to maintain control over those spiraling thoughts OR even your overall mindset.  True, occasional intrusive thoughts are just normal BUT it can be distressing too❌❌❌

Other mental behaviors that may lead you to detect possible troubling thought patterns include:

RUMINATION - those looping thoughts

NEGATIVE SELF-TALK - a.k.a. nonsense

FIXED PESSIMIST- this is a RED flag

Indeed, identifying specific thoughts and patterns can help you make the most out of the other common tips we have.  Sometimes, though, psychologists do encourage us to accept UNWANTED thoughts.  While it's human nature to flinch away from pain, yet pushing away such UNWANTED thoughts ISN'T the way to gain [OR regain] control.  Our takeaway:  ACCEPT those UNWANTED thoughts.  Acceptance can offer clues why such specific thoughts keep coming up.  Maybe you keep thinking of a fling who GHOSTED you?  CHANGE your perspective and SELF-TALK can go a long way to help change your mindset.  More often, over-thinking never stops because we never stop it❗❗❗

Harsh On Yourself?

Harsh On Yourself?

Our childhood is donkey years behind us BUT suddenly I realized that WHEN we were children, more often than NOT, we felt confident.  We seem to have that 'SPARK' of innocence and joy and we DIDN'T know WHAT it was to feel inadequate.  BUT as we grow up, our worlds get bigger and more complex.  As a result, we start to wonder if we're good enough.  So, are you Harsh On Yourself📗📙📘

We might even end up comparing ourselves to others OR we might end up setting unrealistic expectations to ourselves based on other people's standards.  This is particularly the case WHEN it comes to perfectionism.  WHENEVER we want to do something, it has to be done just right, even if it means spending hours on end agonizing over WHAT simple word should go in a sentence, or WHICH outfit looks best. HOW can we stop being so hard on ourself💡💡💡

Studies show that one of the best ways to stop being HARD on ourself is to understand the very roots of one's PERFECTIONISM.  For some, it might be that they never got the support they needed growing up.  For others, it might be their fear of failure.  WHATEVER the reason is, understanding WHY you are so hard on yourself is the first step to overcoming it📌📌📌

If you can relate to someone being hard on oneself, it may also mean you're hard on yourself.  And this can take the form of harsh, punitive judgments, overanalyzing shortcomings and rumination over minor missteps, worry and assuming fault.  Perhaps you have thought that self-criticism is WHAT keeps you sharp BUT sensitive strivers often use it as a form of MOTIVATION, so they get compelled to perform❎❎❎

BUT numerous researches show that self-criticism is what really keeps one sharp enough.  The downside is that self-criticism is deemed as a 'poor strategy' by experts.  WHY?  Because when used excessively, it is associated with LESS MOTIVATION, worse self-control and greater procrastination.  So dude, will you still be harsh on yourself❔❔❔

Do We Really Need A SEA CHANGE?

Do We Really Need A SEA CHANGE?

Think about it.  There you are, READY to CHANGE.  You did struggle in the past [and maybe till to date?] BUT here you are, doubly motivated to make SMALL CHANGES, one step at a time.  You felt stuck, wanting to CHANGE, BUT never making it stick.  You felt shaky about your ability to create lasting CHANGE.  BUT something has shifted and you seem to be READY now to invest time and effort into making a SEA CHANGE.  BUT Do We Really Need A SEA CHANGE📗📙📘

It might seem like a great idea to chuck in the stresses of city living and mover over to the countryside for an easier [AND LESS stressful] lifestyle.  That idea of moving out of the city and making major lifestyle changes is a long held dream for many people.  YES, it's fantastic to have dreams BUT the reality of such a CHANGE can sometimes be tough.  Many people's ideas of getting back to nature and enjoying a quieter life lead them on a journey they DIDN'T expect❌❌❌

Thing is, a SEA CHANGE is a drastic CHANGE from a city lifestyle and is really about evaluating WHAT's important to you then improving your lifestyle to achieve a healthier, less stressful environment.  It's about LIVING LIFE to the full and enjoying a more peaceful OR meaningful existence.  It DOESN'T really matter WHERE you go and is often more about downsizing [your income, your house, your expectations, etc]❗❗❗

Sometimes, though, the desired calmer and and happier result DOESN'T just happen because in every CHANGE, there are multifarious factors and 'WHAT IF' scenarios that may pop-up.  Our takeaway:  DON'T push for SEA CHANGE unless it is really warranted.  And before you plunge into a decision, got to address basic questions of a SEA CHANGE✅✅✅

Basic questions prior to pushing through a SEA CHANGE are as follows:

• WHY do you need a SEA CHANGE?
• WHAT if you go for a MINOR CHANGE?
• WHAT are possible risks you will face?
• WHAT happens if you keep the status quo and DON'T pursue CHANGE?

Turning Around BAD DAYS

Turning Around BAD DAYS

We all have BAD DAYS, like it OR not.  Perhaps we left home early because we wanted to avoid that pestering traffic gridlocks only to end up with a traffic bottleneck just after your village exit.  OR when you reach your work, the first one you see is a grumpy colleague.  OR you have a client delivery committed today BUT which cannot happen.  WHATEVER the reason, BAD DAYS are part of life.  However, we can choose HOW we react to it. Turning Around BAD DAYS📗📙📘

One [and this is the most common once] option is to DWELL on the situation and let our NEGATIVE emotions persist throughout the day.  BUT are you willing to take that path???  Be cautioned that whatever is your mood at that point in time can SPREAD OUT and worse, worsen.  Instead, WHY don't we take the initiative and find ways to make a BAD DAY better?  That choice will be both empowering and POSITIVE, right❔❔❔

Personally, despite my propensity towards being OPTIMISTIC and POSITIVE, there are days WHEN everything has unequivocally gone too bad, NO MATTER how I really tried to reframe the situation.  And RECLAIMING control of days like this can be challenging enough.  In fact, various studies showed that employees WHO encountered workplace conflicts in the morning end up being unable to get their day back on track😐😐😐

From a medical perspective, I've read that there is a neurological underpinning of a day GONE WRONG due to a series of biological and psychological processes that automatically begin WHEN we encounter something stressful.  And the STRESS RESPONSE is useful when it helps us to face an immediate threat BUT it often diminishes our capacity to reason and focus❗❗❗

Ironically, medical experts advise that those are the very functions we need to address the kinds of complex situations we face at home or at work.  So WHAT's our fix[es]?  

• REACH OUT to a friend - even over a cup of coffee
• GO FOR A WALK - catching fresh air will help
• GO FOR A SMALL WIN- achieve something ASAP
• BE THANKFUL - that this is your worst problem now
• TAP YOUR BACK - to praise yourself in handling this
• HELP SOMEONE ELSE - you'll feel great doing that

Stupid Mistakes Should NOT Bother Us

Stupid Mistakes Should NOT Bother Us

Stupid Mistakes Should NOT Bother Us or should we be?  We all make stupid MISTAKES from time to time.  I myself, I committed HUGE stupid ones BUT where did I end up?  NOT deep inside the trenches.  NOT locked and stagnating in the drainage.  NOT even floating in the waters, rudderless with NO DIRECTION📗📙📘

History itself is replete with stupid MISTAKES.  Info tells us that the Tower of Pisa has been leaning even before construction was finished.  It is also claimed that the U.S. NASA taped over the original recordings of the moon landing.  And operatives of the disgraced late U.S. President Richard Nixon were caught 'red-handed' breaking into a Watergate Office, setting off the worst political scandal in U.S. history.  Recently, apparently, the French government spent $15 Billion on a fleet of new trains only to discover they were too wide for the 1,300 station platforms📌📌📌

We readily recognize these mistakes as really stupid ones and epic blunders at that.  On a more mundane level, we invest in GET-RICH quick schemes, we drive too fast, and posts on make those posts on social media, which we later regret.  BUT what exactly drives our perception of these actions as stupid MISTAKES as opposed to plain and sheer bad luck❔❔❔

So, WHAT makes our MISTAKES really stupid ones?  Is it their seeming mindlessness?  OR is it the severity of consequences?  OR is it the responsibility of the people involved?  Heard of a thief who burglarized a house and got the TV, only to come back to get the remote?  OR burglars who intended to steal mobile phones BUT instead ended up stealing GPS tracking devices that were turned ON and gave police their exact location😖😖😖

Many research studies were initiated to analyze all these stupid MISTAKES and there was one study where they sampled university students WHO rated each story on the responsibility of the people involved, the influence of the situation, the seriousness of the consequences, amongst others.  The studies showed three varieties of stupid MISTAKES.  The first is WHEN a person's confidence outstrips their skill.  Experts concluded that people falling in this first type fail to see the FLAWS in their thinking or the answers they lack.  It's like WHEN we think we are at our BEST is sometimes WHEN we are at our worst.  The second type are those stupid MISTAKES caused by impulsive acts.  Former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner falls into this type when he sent lewd text and pictures of himself to women he met in Facebook.  The last type of stupid MISTAKES involves LAPSES of ATTENTION.  Subjects falling under this type are deemed LEAST STUPID.  Our takeaway?  We are all prone to overestimating our abilities, to make impulsive decisions and to LAPSES of ATTENTION.  Yes we're still human but hey dude, can we endeavor to commit less stupid MISTAKES, PLEASE❗❗❗

Forgiving and Forgetting

Forgiving and Forgetting

Forgiving and Forgetting is one of the most recurring MIX-UP day-IN day-OUT.  Many even equate each other as one and the same.  NO sirrrrrs.  Each is distinct on its own.  Forgiving and Forgetting do NOT happen in fell swoop because these are two separate actions with different intents although the results may be similar💴💷💵

Thing is, people who have suffered 'wrongdoings' are often urged to 'FORGIVE & FORGET'.  Indeed, forgetting the details of past experiences that elicit painful, sometimes debilitating feelings of resentment, anger and hate, seems necessary in order to replace those NEGATIVE feelings with POSITIVE ones📘📙📗

BUT lest we forget, remembering the details of past wrongdoing also seems necessary for FORGIVENESS.  If a person's memory of a past offense were somehow deleted from one's mind, we WON'T say that that person has forgiven the offender.  FORGIVENESS then, seems to require a contradiction.  One must both remember and FORGET to FORGIVE.  How should we understand the precise relationship between FORGIVING and FORGETTING to resolve this paradox❎❎❎

What's perplexing is that, till to date, the relationship between MEMORY and FORGIVENESS remains unclear.  BUT setting that paradox aside, let's put ourselves in the shoes of the offended party.  There you go, you FORGIVE in good faith.  BUT is it fair, just and reasonable for the offended part to totally FORGET that as well?  I've come across many times that hypothesis and I would hit the wall with the question:  HOW WILL I LEARN THE LESSON IF I HAVE TO FORGET❓❓❓

And our takeaway for today?  WHEN a snake bites you, it injects poison into you and slithers away.  You are then in pain as long as the venom stays, while the snake has moved on and DOESN'T even recall biting you.  FORGIVENESS is the act of removing that POISON and eliminating the pain.  However, it is important to remember that even though the POISON is removed and the pain is gone, the snake is still a snake.  Therefore, FORGIVENESS does NOT mean FORGETTING.  It is important to be wise enough to avoid putting yourself in the snake's presence again❗❗❗

That Elusive PEACE OF MIND?

That Elusive PEACE OF MIND?

That Elusive PEACE OF MIND?  Not really that elusive.  You and I would agree that in most days in our life, we do have that PEACE OF MIND, NOT until when ANGER creeps in.  Then, it throws a monkey wrench on you situation.  Visualize a tornado that comes from nowhere and wreaks down the whole countryside, turns houses upside down.  Very much like ANGER❎❎❎

For alignment, PEACE OF MIND is defined as that mental state of CALMNESS or tranquility.  And it may also include that freedom from worry and anxiety.  And WHEN our minds are buzzing with thoughts, it can be intense and that overwhelming.  We just want some PEACE OF MIND, which is to say we want a calm, relaxed and content mind☝☝☝

Now, let's run a pulse check.  Many of us are on our smart phones and gadgets practically 24x7, either overwhelmed by too much work, and nervous about our future.  It's hardly surprising that we struggle to calm our minds or turn off our racing thoughts.  BUT lucky for us, this is NOT the end of the world for us📌📌📌

And so, desperate for some inner calm, we tend to resort to QUICK FIXES.  Deep breathing.  Xanax and get into a movie binge with Netflix, hoping desperately to CALM THE STORM inside our minds, even for awhile.  BUT alas, there are NO quick fixes WHEN it comes to PEACE of MIND.  It's NOT something that can bought OR willed into existence in a moment.  Instead, it must be cultivated, albeit slowly and surely.  Studies show that for those WHO are successful in creating CALMER and more peaceful MINDS may arrive there slowly😀😀😀

Apparently, studies show that developing simple MENTAL HABITS can lead us to more PEACEFUL minds.  In its simplest form, MINDFULNESS just means keeping your attention in the PRESENT rather than the past OR even the future.  Your mind becomes more chaotic and turbulent WHEN it's bouncing around between past mistakes and regrets and even future worries and fears.  Unfortunately, this tendency to get stuck in mental time travel can become a habit, and worse, an addiction.  Our takeaway today:  THAT ELUSIVE PEACE OF MIND, it's ALL IN THE MIND.  Reset and reboot your mind and take control from thereon dude❗❗❗