Never Set Yourself On Fire To Keep Others Warm

 

I stumbled across this one-liner just now and I thought this deserves to be our thread today:  YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO SET YOURSELF ON FIRE TO KEEP OTHERS WARM.  And that made me realize that I did witness several times in the past WHEN people were attempting to take care of others BUT in the end destroying one's self in the process.  And I thought they should initiate some no nonsense 'soul searching' because that's the last thing we can ever ignore📗📙📘

BUT I realized that generally, people meant well, that there was NO bad faith, NO ill intent.  BUT I myself I did witness people with the best intentions to even over-extend himself because he DIDN'T want to hurt other people.  I could like visualize someone lighting himself up and grit his teeth through the pain to make others feel better, caring for himself ONLY AFTER he got assured that that other person is now safe and secure.  REALLY?  Seriously?  Although in all honesty, these realities is hardly surprising to me because we CAN'T control the decision-making of others, NOT even our immediate family members.  BUT WHAT's quite unfathomable is 'BURNING' oneself❎❎❎

WHAT surprises me is that act of 'BURNING'.  WHY indeed because psychologists declare that that act of 'BURNING' seems to be a leftover of someone being a 'victim' in the past.  NOW, if you have your own needs BUT they are NOT being met, psychologists explain the likelihood that in the very first place, you were NOT looking for it.  And WHEN one feels lost, you would admit in all honesty that at some points in time, you simply DON'T know WHAT you need.  BUT in reality, we have our legitimate needs.  We all do have those needs.  And yes, you need to be heard too.  We all need time and space to express our own individuality.  And that includes respect and even loving care💥💥💥

BUT in real life, the default is that many things in life we're NOT getting it because we NEVER ask for it, we NEVER look for it.  It's kind of saying WHY will you receive something you never ask for.  Unfortunately for some WHO went through emotional OR even physical abuse, those needs [WHICH we should be asking for] WON'T and DON'T even matter.  And to compound a bad situation turning worse, IF one is in that kind of situation, you could end up growing up thinking that way and even bringing that toxic thinking eventually into your marriage and by the time you've got kids, even into your parenting💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  Bottom line here is for us to break out of that mindset.  Take small [a.k.a. baby] steps to set boundaries in terms of needs such that by default, draw the line WHEREIN your needs will be prioritized [unless of course outliers happen like emergencies].  And YES, similarly like our vehicles, we need to 'tune up' ourselves, tweaking and adjusting here and there WHILE taking that balancing act between your needs and the needs of others.  Bottom line is, NEVER SET YOURSELF ON FIRE TO KEEP OTHERS WARM😡😡😡

Are People The Solution To Loneliness?

 

This is like kicking to dust in the midst of summer.  Are people the solution to LONELINESS?  Indeed, quite a controversial question that can stir the hornet's nest.  BUT alas, it's human nature, WHEN we're gripping with LONELINESS, we always think that people are the solution.  No Senor!!!

From a layman's perspective [without tapping all those clinical researches], I strongly believe that the best antidote to LONELINESS is to face it head-on, either tear it down OR succumb to it at its very fringes.  Sadly, WHEN we get pushed much deeper into that morass, there is a default feeling that you're alone in that struggle and the only way to get you extricated from it is to leverage on someone else.  Seriously???

Ooooops, I WON'T be that ashamed to admit that I did have my fair share of those LONELINESS episodes [and it's NEVER easy dude].  Problem is, WHEN we're feeling lonely, the defaulting natural thing to do is to seek out company, to message OR call out a friend OR easily say YESSSSSSS WHEN someone invites for a hangout, especially those Friday nights, TGIF kind of thing. BUT counterintuitively, a new study finds that IF we're lonely, being around other people may NOT actually help us feel any much better💚💛💜

Tapping into recent researchers, they found out that people WHO felt lonelier had lower well-being in that moment, in terms of the kinds of emotions they were feeling, like happiness, anger, sadness and boredom, as well as their sense of satisfaction and meaning.  Personally, I DIDN'T get shocked with those results.  BUT WHAT was kind of surprising is that this pattern was even stronger WHEN people were in a social situation, WHEN we might expect to be protected from that pain and [sometimes] anguish of LONELINESS.  There were studies conducted in the aftermath of the Covid-19 Pandemic WHICH suggested two reasons WHY being around others might NOT comfort us WHEN we're feeling LONELY for the reason that people feeling LONELY had a greater desire to be alone, and the more they wanted solitude, the worse they felt❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  I DON'T need to look too far way back.  Simply put, the mantra I always embraced was to FIND A WAY THAT WORKS FOR YOU.  After all, there is NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL.  You might play devil's advocate LIKE:  Does this mean social interaction CAN'T help the LONELY?  Certainly NOT!  WHILE it's possible that certain types of social interactions are helpful WHEN we're LONELY, that DOESN'T happen most of the time.  Think about it.  ARE PEOPLE THE SOLUTION TO LONELINESS?  I'd say sometimes BUT NOT MOST OF THE TIME, dude😡😡😡

Are You A 'ROAD WARRIOR' Or A 'TRAFFIC CONE'?

 

Are You A 'ROAD WARRIOR' Or a 'TRAFFIC CONE'?  Admittedly, I was a 'ROAD WARRIOR' through and through the years, akin to living in my suitcase as I was constantly ready to take my next flight practically every week.  BUT those were outliers.  BUT that did bring me to a point of asking WHAT IF in life, should we be like a ROAD WARRIOR OR be like a TRAFFIC CONE?  Of course, it's a no-brainer, WHO wants to be a TRAFFIC CONE anyway?  BUT DON'T get flummoxed if I tell you that, statistically, there is a good number of folks WHO still prefer to be like TRAFFIC CONEs!@#$%?

A few times in the past, I was asked as regards the benefits of being constantly on the move versus being likened to a sedentary pace in life.  BUT if we think about it, to be adventurous, OR at least to keep moving, that means leaving our 'safe harbor' and to set sail into the unknown.  It's HOW we grow and get to know more about WHO we are.  And that's WHAT matters the most, more than any talking points related to even your immediate family and friends.  And we can take a lift from insights of backpackers💧💧💧    

Experience tells me that adventures in life, OR at the very least, that desire to keep moving, is one of those rare freedoms WHICH we can experience on a day to day basis.  LIKE the beauty of deciding to go on an adventurous trip, particularly one that involves an immersion in nature, is that you DON'T decide to go, you just do it!  Imagine slowing down with those natural sounds and rhythms of nature really helps us to find those precious moments of awareness, so crucial enough to allow us to make real choices💥💥💥

I have to admit though that, adventures per se, are NOT always comfortable experiences.  Let me assure you that what comes along with it is risk itself BUT at times, those episodes become our necessary experiences.  And here's the take from psychologists for us to consider adventures.  WHILE going solo is NOT that bad, adventuring with others, especially one's partner/spouse/loved ones is undoubtedly a great way to strengthen relationships💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  WHILE we have our own lives to live, think about it, we can be anything BUT a TRAFFIC CONE.  For the most obvious reasons, WHILE a TRAFFIC CONE serves its purpose, let's NOT fuss about it because we are NOT and should NOT ever exist as a TRAFFIC CONE because we can live our lives a thousand ways, way more meaningful rather than threading a pace that replicates a sedentary one.  WHILE a ROAD WARRIOR tag sounds extreme, we really DON'T need to the far end to be a ROAD WARRIOR even in a figurative way BUT at the very least, let us embark on steps meaningful enough in life [instead of getting stalled and stuck like a TRAFFIC CONE]😡😡😡

Ambitions In Life

 

Talking about AMBITIONS, it's like driving into a small and very narrow but too congested street.  WHY? True, AMBITION can come and go through different times in our life.  BTW, this is plainly normal and it happens to almost everyone.  BUT if low AMBITION is affecting your mood and well-being, you can try several approaches to help ourselves to get to WHERE we want to be.  BUT more than anything else, we need to understand that AMBITION is our desire and determination to achieve success [of course, how success is defined vary across peoples and cultures.  So HOW's our AMBITIONS📗📙📘

If there are two variables that co-exist in our life, can you guess it?  YES, AMBITION and DOUBTS really coexist in our life.  Name it, the most successful folks in the world did experience episodes and even phases of failure and doubt.  BUT they eventually succeed because their AMBITION reemerges despite experiencing loss, rejection OR even disappointment.  BUT experts tell us that AMBITION can indeed be cultivated.  Like most positive traits, it's possible to learn and cultivate AMBITION and if we want to improve our AMBITION, you've got a goal in there!!!

As we've witnessed from time to time, for various reasons, some would lose their AMBITIONS.  Just like WHAT happened WHEN we got hit by the Covid-19 Pandemic, there was widespread uncertainty NOT just in our local communities BUT across all countries.  In addition, with ongoing uncertainty around the future, it may feel challenging to work towards goals OR you might experience burnout due to increasing pressures in life💚💛💜

True, there are multiple triggers that tend to contribute and sometimes, even exacerbate, that loss of AMBITION like underlying fears, pursuing goals because other people want you to, OR experiencing mental health conditions which could start with a seemingly harmless depression.  SO HOW?  WHEN we feel our AMBITION slipping down south, believing that we are less AMBITIOUS than we have been previously can feel unsettling.  And if you're concerned about an ongoing lack of AMBITION, never turn your head the other way around.  Face things head-on😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  Picking up from a study, here we go:

• Ensure your goals remain VISIBLE.  Write it please.
• Stay ACTIVE.  Stick to that activity you really love.
• Yes, go for SMALL GOALS, breaking up your larger GOALS.  Go for BIG ones when you're back on track
• Find a need.  HOW can you help around if you can.
• Redefine success as originally it was too grandiose
• Recall your past successes. That will keep you going
• Create MOTIVATION before you end up stuck up

That Path of Least Resistance

 

That path of least resistance has been the most popular option ever opted by mankind.  WHAT could be the reason WHY all of us [save for outliers] often succumb to take on that path of least resistance?  Oh Oh, here comes a study from the University College of London WHICH shockingly discovered something almost all [in fact, everyone of us] would deny, the scientific research WHICH concludes that by nature, we're LAZY❎❎❎

WHAT is looming as a huge alarm here are the ramifications NOT just to millennials WHO, till now, may be figuring out WHAT career path to take OR for workers biting clickbait instead of making progress OR for leaders [and politicians!] struggling to ensure that their campaign promises come into fruition.  These days, getting promoted in the workforce is NOT a walkover.  Rather than say 'THIS IS HARD BUT WORTH IT', we sometimes tend to convince ourselves that we should get a new job [WHICH is often, all said and done, easier than sticking it out through the hard, vertical climb.  Taking that PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE can come in the form of rationalization, denial OR worst, distraction💚💛💜

At hindsight, I'm trying to deduce from that research that temptation to make hard for you to grasp or secure things in a much harder way, akin to putting all the booze at the top pedestal of a high cabinet in your basement WHICH has been abandoned through the years and attempting to go there means you need to go through a labyrinth of dark, narrow corridors, the very hallmarks of Dracula's haven.  BUT my key takeaway in that research boils down to awareness.  However, in that research, the respondents realized that moving the handle the right way was getting harder❌❌❌

Sometimes we'll hear something like 'THE BODY TENDS TO FOLLOW THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE'.  And this is essentially the same old stuff, emphasizing WHAT works well and WHAT you are good at and ignoring OR even dismissing WHERE there is stiffness OR aversion OR WHERE you have encountered hurt OR failure in the past.  True, I have to admit, I stumbled many times before, falling flat on my face WHEN I dared to take on that PATH of RESISTANCE and instead of running away from postures that I used to resent, I just tried, breathed and took one step at a time and found that each time, there was MORE joy sans that fear OR resentment I anticipated😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  I realized one thing here.  If we understand well enough that flexibility and strength are NOT all about stretching and power BUT are bundled and part of an attidude we all can learn and embrace.  YES, one thing more, we need to lose that 'fixed mindset' that assumes pre-determined outcome and open up to that 'growth mindset' that sees a challenge as a welcome opportunity to evolve, learn and grow, rather than tagging it as a threat to our very ego.  Can we consider to throw out in the window that self-defeating attitude, skipping that PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE???

Does Knowing What We Don't Want Matters?

 

Does KNOWING WHAT WE DON'T WANT really makes sense?  YES we normally know that we want something in our life to be different even if the specific thing we want to change ISN'T quite clear enough.  At times, it happens WHEN we experience feelings of dissatisfaction OR even an all-consuming sense of despair.  it feels like there's something [OR a lot of things] left unsatisfied and it may be sometimes overwhelming to think about.  OR maybe sometimes we seem to be fed up with those prolonged feelings of sadness, exhausted by experiences with anxiety throughout our day OR sometimes straight up done with always feeling angry OR at least frustrated with our own self OR at times, with anyone💚💛💜

Being smart persons [most of the time anyways], at times we could have found ways distract from our own despair.  True, those tactics [call it workaround] do help us avoid those feelings of distress for a period of time.  The downside of that is that that distraction DOESN'T last forever and in the end, we are faced with a deep longing for something more permanent to change itself.  As unlikely as it may sound, it is necessary for us to be, as our feelings are giving us that loud and clear message we need something better💥💥💥

WHAT is not so obvious on the surface is the fact that our feelings go hand-in-hand with particular kinds of actions.  WHEN we're happy and excited about life, we're probably NOT spending the days hiding under the covers and wishing things were different.  And as responsive beings, we DON'T just have feelings about the things we experience BUT we also have feelings about our responses to those things.  Sometimes, I myself would blurt out "I'm tired of feeling this way"  and I realized that that also implicitly meant that I was tired of behaving the ways that correspond with HOW I'm feeling then❎❎❎

We DON'T need to look too far away from WHERE we stand now.  At times, we may tend to be sick of binge eating OR drinking excessively OR worst, even succumbing to drugs to escape the reality we're going through.  We could be fed up with procrastinating on the things we think we should be doing.  OR perhaps we just DON'T have the energy to argue with our partner OR spouse any much longer.  Though all these may seem to be concerning, psychologists warn us that these manifestations and behaviors do offer a stepping stone towards something that feels better.  BUT the complexity of life lies within.  WHETHER it's feelings, behaviours OR a combination of both that we may feel ready to address, we tend to know that we want to see a real change.  And yet, sometimes, we're confused WHERE to start😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  I can quickly recall in the past WHEN sometimes I felt frustrated because there were times WHEN I tend to be focusing my attention on WHAT I DON'T want.  Looking back, someone in our life could have counseled us that the kind of focus can undermine our ability to bring our own goals to life.  WHAT happens next?  We tend to worry that we're going to be stuck in that place of despair forever?  BUT contrary to that perspective, realizing WHAT you DON'T want is a worthy endeavor because KNOWING WHAT WE DON'T WANT MATTERS!!! 

That Mix-up Between Emotions And Feelings

 

That Mix-up Between EMOTIONs And FEELINGs has always made me confused at times as both are traits we do share as humans.  BUT from a technical and psychology perspective, emotions are described as 'multi-faceted' experiences of our internal subjective experiences, facial expressions and physiological reactions.  Teasing out the FEELINGs and EMOTIONs that people have, and learning WHY they have them, is an important role for our mental health📗📙📘

Frankly, many of us [even myself before] would use FEELINGs and EMOTIONs interchangeably as synonyms [BUT alas they are NOT that interchangeable].  WHILE they have similar elements, there is a marked difference between FEELINGs and EMOTIONs.  A sampling are our emotional experiences and physical sensations LIKE hunger OR pain which would normally bring about feelings, according to experts.  WHEREAS FEELINGs are a conscious experience although NOT every conscious experience such as seeing OR believing is a FEELING.  BUT for EMOTIONs, it can only be felt through that emotional experience it gives rise to, even thought it might be discovered through its associated thoughts, beliefs, desires, and actions.  EMOTIONs are NOT conscious BUT instead manifest in our unconscious mind.  And these EMOTIONs can be brought to the surface of the conscious state in a gradual way that is akin to like WHAT experts have dubbed as 'extended psychotherapy'💥💥💥

YES, what's looming here is that fundamental difference between FEELINGs and EMOTIONs wherein the former is experienced consciously WHILE EMOTIONs manifest either consciously OR unconsciously.  And some people may spend years OR even a lifetime NOT even understanding the depths of their EMOTIONs.  That explains WHY we do come across some WHO hardly manifest EMOTIONs, if at all❌❌❌

In real life, we humans experience one too many EMOTIONs.  And this range of EMOTIONs is impacted by such factors such as their behavior, the culture they come from, and even their previous traumatic experiences, if any.  Question is HOW does EMOTION impact our behavior?  According to studies, EMOTION is that 'feedback system' WHOSE influence on behavior also provides feedback and stimulating retrospective appraisal of action, conscious emotional states WHICH can promote learning for future behavior💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  We need to be consciously mindful that culture plays a significant hand in shaping our EMOTIONs.  And a recent study showed that people want to feel more positive than negative.  YET the EMOTIONs that cause a positive experience are shown to change between cultures.  WHEREAS Americans typically prefer excitement and elation, Chinese generally prefer calm and relaxation more.  SO HOW?  Learning the difference between EMOTIONs and FEELINGs is vital knowledge for everyone of us WHO subscribe to our need in safeguaring our MENTAL HEALTH😀😀😀

Managing Social Media Addiction [if at all]

 

Please DON'T get me wrong.  I'm NOT a nemesis of SOCIAL MEDIA.  In fact, I've fully embraced it and I CAN'T imagine living life again similar to WHAT we have had in the past.  Even a recent survey across 19 countries showed that 57% are saying that SOCIAL MEDIA is a 'good thing'.  BUT surprisingly, in some countries, like Netherlands and France, 54% and 51% opine that SOCIAL MEDIA is a 'bad thing'💚💛💜

BUT I'd rather consider those survey results from the Netherlands and France as outliers because by and large, I'll consider them as outliers for now.  I'd rather NOT to be distracted with WHAT I feel are the more serious concerns we should talk about, and that's the KNOWN fact that many people are struggling with 'phone addiction' through the years, spending hours scrolling each day.  Yet NO one seems to be aware of the addiction issue that's hovering over us❎❎❎

HOW did many people handle this?  Many did delete their mobile apps like IG and TikTok BUT they admit that IT NEVER WORKS.  Everytime they deleted the apps, they reinstalled it a few days later.  Then they realized something.  They were NOT addressing the 'root' of the problem BUT WERE simply skimming the surface.  Then someone else cracked the code, whew!!! 

So WHAT's the code they cracked to break those unconstructive patterns of behavior?  They discovered and explored their interests in CREATIONs, being CREATIVE, tapping into their truest forms of creativity.  LIKE creating art.  LIKE creating videos.  LIKE creating ideas.  LIKE creating writing.  LIKE creating something that will be worth it instead of just waking up and ending up playing the same games over and over again.  OR that kind of unconsciousness captivity WHERE one keeps checking and checking for messages every looping interval😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  NOT to unnecessarily turn SOCIAL MEDIA into a whipping boy BUT the truth is, everyone of us needs to leverage on anything WITH MODERATION, and that includes SOCIAL MEDIA.  Anything that breaches the acceptable and normal thresholds is inimical to us, WHETHER we agree OR not.  BTW, SOCIAL MEDIA is and should NOT our only platform for communications.  IF an exchange of messages is going nowhere, PICK UP THE PHONE, dude!!!

What We See, We Can Change!

 

WHAT we see, we can CHANGE.  Sounds like one of those overused and overstretched slogans, right?  BUT frankly, one of the toughest and hardest nut to crack in life is pushing for CHANGE.  In fact, many times in our life, we end up in situations WHERE we simply DON'T want to CHANGE.  I would admit that I was guilty of that a zillion times.  WHY OH WHY?  Those times WHEN everything was shining and dandy.  Those times WHEN the seas were calm.  Those comfort zones💚💛💜

Please DON'T get me wrong though.  It DOESN'T mean I was turning a blind eye of WHAT needs to be rightly done.  OR that I'm simply giving up.  OR that it ISN'T painful enough to go through that dilemma.  Fact of the matter is that we are still allowed to feel however we feel, BUT by accepting that it is WHAT it is, you give the problem less power over you, enough for you to progressively move on💧💧💧

Psychologists tell us that in their researches, practical radical acceptance has been shown to reduce feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety and it can reduce distress in dealing with negative thoughts OR events💥💥💥

CHANGE practitioners [oooops, I admit I'm a Certified PROSCI Change Practitioner othat's more with regard business transformations] tell us that the very first step in accepting reality is gaining awareness that you're really resisting it.  It may seem like this would be easy to spot BUT there are actually a lot of subtle ways that people push through reality.  And if you're feeling bitter OR resentful, wishing things were different OR thinking about HOW life ISN'T fair, you might NOT realize you're fighting reality❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  One key realization I have in life is that before we can make peace with reality, we have to acknowledge that there's NO going back to the way things were [once CHANGE gets rolled up].  Doing that may be challenging and at times painful BUT by identifying WHAT you can and CAN'T control, we can turn our energy toward coping with the way we simply CAN'T CHANGE.  BUT let's size up things because WHAT WE SEE WE CAN CHANGE😀😀😀

Can Our Life Be EASIER? Seriously?

 

WHO wants an EASY LIFE?  Me Me Me!  Of course, WHO won't want it, right?  BUT please DON'T get me wrong.  I'm all for doing things in the most straightforward and simplest way possible, however, believing that life should be inherently EASY and that straightforward is often a 'FAST PASS' to dissatisfaction, anger OR even depression, huhuhu.  True, sometimes, things will come easily on us, like suddenly you hit the top LOTTO prize, wow, manna from heaven falling right on your lap📗📙📘

YES YES yow, it is that important for us to enjoy parts of our life WHEN things that seem to slot into place at the perfect time at that.  However, here's the thing.  WHEN people start to assume that things should come EASILY and believe at some level that the core aspects of life such as relationships and work should generally be plain sailing, it often leads to feeling cheated.  Also, it can feel AS IF there is something wrong with you [OR moi] if ever we find certain parts of life challenging while other people seem to be just sailing through.  The trap here is that finding things difficult can somehow become a fault OR worse, even a character defect [as WHAT psychologists opine]💧💧💧

Understandably, this often leads to people giving up OR can contribute to a perpetual sense of failure.  Relationships end because they feel OR seem to be 'too difficult' WHILE careers suddenly get cut short WHEN it gets too hard especially during those economic turmoils when companies would downsize for survival.  Worst thing, heard of those perennial family rifts?  They can linger on and on, unresolved, going unmended💥💥💥

Experts say that we sometimes feel that life should be EASY is that we compare ourselves to other people and tend to compare our 'INSIDES' to the OUTSIDES' of other people.  If other people seem to find things EASY, we would tend to assume that we should too.  BUT as with most beliefs in our adulthood, they often stem from our childhood experiences.  Having a sheltered childhood, cloistered in the confines of cushy homes that involved a lack of adversity in adulthood it feels unfamiliar and frankly, intolerable.  On the other hand, having a childhoo of emotional OR practical hardship can leave us exhausted and can create a sense of wanting❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Telling yourself HOW things should be is one of the 'quickest' routes to distress.  Believing that even relationships, outcomes, feelings, people, careers and even events should be a 'certain way' is one of the reasons WHY it becomes a road block WHEN you end up finding something challenging.  Having a mindset that things SHOULD and SHOULDN'T be a certain way becomes the very problem at hand.  By changing our 'SHOULD BE' mindset, experts advise that we can likely lessen the impact WHEN something is more challenging than you thought it should [OR would] be.  So, CAN OUR LIFE BE EASIER?  Seriously, that's a question you can answer best😗😗😗