Nelson Mandela: "DON'T JUDGE ME BY MY SUCCESS"

 

Nelson Mandela, the famous South African nationalist and freedom fighter WHO eventually became the first president of South Africa was widely quoted:  "DON'T JUDGE ME BY MY SUCCESSES BUT BY THE NUMBER OF TIMES I FELL AND DID RISE AGAIN".  Problem is, globally cutting across cultures, we are so SUCCESS-focused to an extent that it becomes the 'BE ALL' goal of many people.  People are measured by the amount of SUCCESSes that are visible to our naked eyes, to our awareness.  LIKE he got a sleek, brand-new premium car.  LIKE that sprawling mansion.  LIKE he rose up the organization to become its top honcho.  LIKE he became the country manager of this and that Fortune 500 company📗📙📘

Let's face it, some of us would witness someone's meteoric rise up the corporate ladder, achieving success that may come out to be unparalleled.  For many others, they may be 'late bloomers' [BTW, there is NOTHING wrong with being 'late bloomers']  making and achieving their successes towards the homestretch of their life.  And still, others are perennial success stories, people WHO never cease to see their streak of successes come to an end [OR at least to temporarily stall].  An analogy here are the trees and plants WHICH bear fruit in the early to mid-summer [e.g. peach, strawberries, etc] and there are those WHO bear fruits in the fall [e.g. apples, pears, etc].  On the same breadth, different people are productive at different stages in their respective lives💥💥💥

To be realistic, there are definite advantages of experiencing early successes in life.  YES, it can build that oozing confidence level to last even the rest of your life.  We have seen that with the success stories of the late Steve Jobs, Elon Musk et al.  And, knock on wood, if one's life gets shortened, at least, one has gotten some successes under his/her belt before going up to face his Maker.  YET, not to downplay such advantages, there are obvious downsides LIKE if such successes happen early in life, everything else that follows can be overshadowed and judged and benchmarked against those early successes.  And for many early successes, it can often bring temptations and even pressures for WHICH a young person may NOT be ripe and mature enough to handle😌😌😌

We can look back during our early childhood spent in our elementary schools.  NOT to tear down the huge help of early education to our life BUT the truth is, classrooms are NOT the best barometers as to how a person will end up later in life.  Microsoft founded Bill Gates was a Harvard dropout.  And if we rattle off more dropouts, it is a mile-long list that includes Oprah Winfrey, Former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney, Scott Fitzgerald and even John Lennon💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  Allow me to do a mapping of a more palatable apples-to-apples comparison of life with those games in the competitive world of sports where the respective sports have their own clocktimes anywhere between 30 mins to an hour and in the world of boxing, every round is timed around 3 minutes.  Regardless, as the coaches remind their team, the game is won OR lost after, LIKE 4 quarters in a basketball game and NOT on the 1st to 3rd quarters.  Such is life as well.  To quote Nelson Mandela:  "DON'T JUDGE ME BY MY SUCCESS"😡😡😡

Are You Playing The 'LONG GAME'?

 

How often have we heard that we should be PLAYING THE LONG GAME?  For many of us, hearing the LONG GAME seems the most daunting words to hear.  And instead of pointing the blame on ourselves, I'll blame it to the RAT RACE where we are all in.  YESSSSSS, that RAT RACE is a much more punishing race than the traditional Boston Marathon.  So, WHATs the upsides of PLAYING THE LONG GAME???

Over time, PLAYING THE LONG GAME has been applied to a hodge-podge of aspects in our life, both personal and professional.  We PLAY A LONG GAME WHEN we're building up trust in our relationships.  Of course, we heard of relationships that happened WHEN a couple met and got to know each other in a bar one Friday night and by the time they picked up the check, there was mutuality as to WHAT happens next.  So, NOT to cast aspersions in that setting, allow me to ask a very speculative question:  How far will that couple go in life if everything seemed 'instant'???

As children, we were wired for SHORT-TERM pleasure and satisfaction.  We CAN'T blame our elders because traditionally, that's HOW children are reared, with lots of things that will brighten the days of children within the SHORT-TERM, and many times in an instant.  True, our needs are often intense and immediate, crying for our next meal helps us survive, in fact.  BUT PLAYING THE LONG GAME???

The thing is, PLAYING THE LONG CAME needs to be pegged to our long-term thinking, learned over time as our perspective broadens until we are able to see the benefits with an apples-to-apples comparison, LIKE saving money for a cool toy rather than spending it on candy.  And then, let's give credit WHERE credit is due and that's our parents no less WHO taught us that lesson by helping us to visualize the rewards that's to come, yes that's the toy, as a result of the decision to forget the candy.  According to psychologists, that perspective requires the development of two traits namely PATIENCE and IMAGINATION.  Both are in short supply in children and even teenagers.  YES, both PATIENCE and IMAGINATION come with maturity although admittedly plenty of adults still struggle on this😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Summarizing the least obvious reason for PLAYING THE LONG GAME, it means paying a small price today to make OR achieve tomorrow in a much more straightforward and simpler manner.  YES, as adults, PLAYING THE LONG GAME can help us get through many tough OR challenging times in life, especially WHEN tomorrow's tomorrow seems quite still far away by connecting to our own purpose.  For brevity, PLAYING THE LONG GAME means hanging in there WHEN we hit bumps in the road [in our relationships].  So, let's NOT argue if PLAYING THE LONG GAME is the way to go because that's stating the obvious dude!!!

Getting Out Of Our Head [And Head Out]

 

Is it true that sometimes [and for outliers, many times], we're stuck deep into our head?  FACT CHECK:  True.  And for that reason, we hardly notice WHAT's happening outside of us.  A year ago, I visited my optometrist WHO, after going through the standard eyesight check, blurted out: 'Well, because of your age and eyesight, you still need progressive lenses'.  I just accepted her advice hook, line and sinker as I was thinking then that in a world of remote work, isolation [during the Covid-19 pandemic], cascading mental health crises and screens everywhere from our mobile phones to all other gadgets, it's never more important for us to get outside

Many many years back, our very platform to get out into the world were our parents and school mentors/teachers.  A decade later, thanks to Microsoft, they came up with Encarta, that CD-ROM encyclopedia that really condensed tons and tons of books into a handful of compact disks instead.  And voila, suddenly, that volume of knowledge was literally on our fingertips.  BUT before we know it, Encarta will become obsolete and irrelevant as it gets eclipsed by the enormosity of the vast and wide internet.  Then, Google and Wikipedia became our latest repositories

And before we know it, those learning opportunities with Google and Wikipedia get scooped by today's smartphones, making sure that all those opportunities are guaranteed to be right on our fingertips.  Then, before we know it, we welcomed AIs like ChatGPT.  Although AI as a technology remains at its infancy stage, it has been that astonishing no less.  WHAT shocked me that very first time I learned was that today's teens can seek refuse to ChatGPT even for their emotional needs.  Oh no.  WHICH brings me to a point in asking:  If Google and AI can answer all our questions, WHY do we need to know anything???

So, the question that begs to be asked is:  DO WE STILL [REALLY] NEED TO KNOW THINGS?  And to make things murkier, is it true that the very purpose of school ISN'T really to acquire knowledge BUT rather to develop a variety of skills and strengths that will serve us throughout our life?  YES, admittedly. the acquisition of knowledge is indeed tempting to dismiss as unimportant OR outdated

Our takeaway:  True, having Google and AI right on our fingertips has certainly changed things BUT acquiring knowledge is NOT really a waste of time.  In fact, it might actually be more valuable than ever.  YES, the purpose of knowing things ISN'T to simply have the answers to questions.  Instead, the true value of knowledge has more to do with our self-initiated CURIOSITY, to have a crystal clear understanding of WHAT is going on in the real world because like it OR NOT, we CAN'T just remain ensconced in our cellar OR even at the attic😡😡😡

Heard of that "TO-DON'T List" Yet?

 

All along, we've been hearing all those 'TO DO List'!  Has anyone heard for a "TO-DON'T List" yet???  eShockingly, I can wildly guess that a good majority of us [and I was once guilty of it in the past] DON'T have that "TO-DON'T List"  AT ALL!  Instead of us focusing on all the tasks we have to get done, ISN'T it equally beneficial [at the very least] if we look at everything else either we DON'T need OR even should NOT do in service of one's larger goal?  YES, it sounds like a waste of time BUT seriously, it's NOT.  Seeing clearly WHAT should NOT be taking in your attention is maybe one of the simplest ways to prioritize our time and focus on WHAT really matters most.  WHICH obviously will likely lead us to enhanced productivity and output [YES, even in our domestic chores at home].  Before things become quite convoluted, let us simply WHAT is that "TO-DON'T List" 

BAD-HABITS "TO-DON'T List" - This is all about goal-setting and is more of a plan you should adopt for your life overall if we want to improve it generally, NOT a technique to employ WHEN we have a specific goal in mind.  And those habits that hold us back can be obvious to us OR we may NOT even realize it BUT once you write it down, that raises your awareness [and more will come], e.g. DON'T put off answering emails ON-TIME, DON'T sleep more OR less than WHAT you really need to, DON'T sacrifice your health at all cost, DON'T put off work UNTIL WHEN it's due!@#$?

One key realization I have had is that once I started out scribbliing my "TO-DON'T List", I discovered many more troubling areas I was facing [to my frustration]

And YES, as we tend to be struggling to identify the broad, bad habits that might be holding us back, we need data  and that explains WHY writing down those ideas in your "TO-DON'T List" may NOT be enough.  WHICH means, it will help if, at the end of each day, we jot down WHAT went well and WHAT DIDN'T go well, and HOW do you want to retool your efforts going forward.  WHEN I started this off before, my goal was as simple as journalling but I ended expanding my very purpose that went way beyond just data collection BUT I ended up with a more comprehensive "TO-DON'T List" until I got this practice embedded within me

Now, for the more interesting 'OTHER HALF' of our "TO-DON'T List".  A lot of productivity methods at the workplace focus on WHAT you, specifically, need to contribute BUT some of the best ones also leave space for you to delegate tasks to others.  Multiple times I was guilty of this acts of commission in the past.  I remember I'll assign a task to my teammate only to end up doing it, more often because the better side of me prevails as I want to get things done faster and more efficiently.  Down the road, I realize that was NOT the best way to go

Our takeaway:  This "TO-DON'T List" should be a no-brainer.  Any Tom, Dick and Harry can scribble this out pronto.  Just to share the most obvious ones:

• DON'T schedule everyone's work for them!
• DON'T pick up other people's responsibilities!
• DON'T follow-up with an uncooperative person!
• DON'T decide UNLESS you thoroughly assesed it
• DON'T waste time on emails unlikely to get response

Dude, would you start with your "TO-DON'T LIst" now?

IF/WHEN We Outgrow The Life We Built?

 

YES YES yowwww, no one AS IN no one warns us about all these.  We work hard.  We build.  We climb.  And we even say YES and YES over and over again, NOT until one day we look around and realize the life we created [WHICH we were so damn proud of] is now the very thing making us feel stuck!@#$%?   LIKE when we looked around and ask ourselves 'THIS FITS BEFORE BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO FIT ANYMORE'.  WHAT's befuddling is that we DIDN'T fail, we DIDN'T mess up things

Voila!  Reading the tea leaves, those are scenarios manifesting that we simply outgrew WHAT once sustained us.  YES, been there and it's tough as that can feel deeply confusing because no one tells you HOW to navigate that discomfort of becoming someone new WHILE still standing inside an old version of your life.  WHAT is often missed [and I did miss this out] is the NOT so obvious fact that 'GROWTH DOESN'T ALWAYS EQUATE TO CELEBRATION'

BUT somehow, most people associate GROWTH with that sort of 'forward motion', LIKE goals achieved, milestones reached, new heights conquered.  BUT WHAT we DON'T talk about enough is the quiet and lonely ache of GROWTH that pulls us away from WHAT once felt safe and familiar.  WHO knows you're still showing up to that same job, leading the same team, OR still managing the same schedule BUT deep inside, something seems to have shifted

Before you wrongly guess it out, let us NOT be so quick with our fingers pointing to burnout!@#$%?  And likely, it's NOT even boredom.  The thing is, sometimes, GROWTH DOESN'T look like climbing higher.  Instead, it can be a chameleon, looks like letting go of the roles, the routines, and even those responsibilities that NO longer align with WHO you're becoming [by now].  YES dude, let us NOT tag it as weakness because it could be wisdom instead

Our takeaway:  So, WHAT now [if ever this hits you]?  Firstly, you're NOT alone on this.  Many of us went through this.  Been there.  Quite tough.  Those moments, WHEN success starts to suffocate instead of satiate you, that's more commonly experienced than you think.  Bluntly, it is one manifestation that your life could have likely stopped evolving with you.  And NO, you DON'T have to burn it all down to fix it.  Instead, that could be one of those tell-tale signs that we need to reset OR reboot.  WHETHER you'll go for a soft OR hard reset/reboot, it's your call BUT where possible, never simply shrug off your shoulder once you feel you have OUTGROWN THE LIFE YOU BUILT!!!

Does 'GAP YEAR' Make Sense?

 

Does 'GAP YEAR' make sense at all?  In the NBA world, it is a reality accepted by all ballclubs, like WHEN their roster is almost decimated, WHEN their team is expected to be the cellar-dweller, the ballclub's front office [FO] will swallow that difficult pill for the current year, because come the following year's Annual Draft, they could have the rights for the top-tiered rookies.  Frankly, this common practice amongst the NBA ballclubs has been 'legitimized'📗📙📘

Frankly, though, our life and the NBA world is and CAN'T ever be an apples-to-apples thing.  Much as I stated here the GAP YEAR in the NBA, it's just unrealistic for us to ground to a halt for a year WHEN at times we get stalled in life.  For all we know, there could be much deeper issues that's affecting us BUT unfortunately, many issues DON'T manifest AS IS WHERE IS.  So, here's a bonus question:  WHAT's the most common manifestation of things that either bother OR concern us?  You said it dude, it's often we will hear friends, colleagues and sometimes. even relatives WHO get hit with various forms of depression💧💧💧

I am NO expert WHEN it comes to dissecting our 'down' times in life.  BUT translating the most common situations I bear witness from time to time.  LIKE feeling persistently sad, numb, fatigued OR trapped in NEGATIVITY.  YES, by right, if we talk about depression, that is NOT news anymore because it has been impacting a big chunk of our population in many different ways.  Regardless though, I remember a practical advice by my psychologist-friend before where he counselled that feelings of sadness can quickly come and go, BUT WHEN we're depressed, those NEGATIVE feelings stubbornly persist.  YES, to state the obvious, depression symptoms such as hopelessness fatigue, lack of appetite etc can arise for a variety of reasons💥💥💥

Frankly, many other factors of multiple manifestations can also be at play any day in our life.  Some of us even find that seasonal changes, especially reduced sunlight [in the Nordic countries] do have an adverse effect on one's mood.  Sleep disorders, including insomnia and that restless leg syndrome [sounds familiar?], also tend to go hand-in-hand with those various forms of depression.  Without sounding like an expert, let's listen to experts' advisories:

• TALK TO SOMEONE - That simple act of talking to someone WHO cares about you is crucial to things you're dealing with [especially WHEN "you're in the dark"]
• GET MOVING - It's probably the last thing you feel like doing right now BUT getting active even for a short period is proven as one of the effective ways of boosting our mood
• REFRAME NEGATIVE THOUGHTS - Tought act but it can be done

Our takeaway:  Forget about the literal interpretation of the NBA's GAP YEAR.  Let's swing into our daily lives and my practical advice is NOT to leave any room for NEGATIVITY in your daily life.  LIKE you get hurt, get over it.  LIKE you felt offended, shrug it off.  LIKE it hit your nerves, redirect your attention on something more productive and positive.  LIKE your health seems to be skidding down?  Then arrest that skid by even visiting your GP pronto ASAP because there is simply no luxury of time to sweep things under the rug.  If the NBA's GAP YEAR still makes sense to you, let's shove it away and declare that, that's irrelevant and it has got NO place to disrup our daily life.  LIFE HAS TO GO ON, dude💚💛💜

When Even A Single Hiccup Becomes A NO-NO!

 

Communications is all about being responsible.  Allow me to share EN TOTO this Quora.com post by Hussain Khan:  The pilot announced, "We're landing in half an hour."  Then he forgot to turn off the microphone. He told the co-pilot sitting next to him, "Now I'll have a hot cup of tea and then kiss the fiight attendant"  Hearing this, the air hostess ran to turn off the microphone and tripped over a child's feet, falling. The child said, "WHY you're in a hurry?  The pilot said he'll first drink a cup of tea!!!"  Funny BUT this kind of boo-boo happens to us [Oh YES, I was guilty of it a few times in the past]!@#$%?

NOT to be defensive, even as we've got anywhere between 170,000 to 1 million++ English words, that DOES NOT absolve OR even shield us in the future for any communications hiccups.  NOT even that petty BUT irresponsible oversight by that pilot in-command of that aircraft about to land.  If ever that Quora.com joke is indeed non-fiction, the mother of all ironies is that no less than a child even called the attention of the very embarassed flight attendant😡😡😡 

Surely, no needs a Comms 101 here but for brevity, maybe it's worth sharing the most obvious practices:

BE CLEAR & CONCISE - as the old cliche goes, more words, more mistake [YES that has happened to me!] BE TRANSPARENT - Be open about your intentions  BE ACCOUNTABLE - It's sheer responsibility no less BE MINDFUL of your audience - If you're a leader OR someone making a public announcement, it behooves if you check & recheck your words even ten times over

You might play devil's advocate WHY the need for all these?  It may NOT be so obvious on the surface but communication gaps/hiccups can lead to consequences and ramifications.  At the end of the day, there you are, FIREFIGHTING, instead of exerting your effort and spending your time on more bonafide day-to-day priorities.  In short, even that smallest and tiniest mistake ends up disrupting the flow of your tasks, with your attention suddenly getting randomly diverted on something WHICH should NOT have been there to 'firefight' in the first place.  Been there, been grilled, been a 'toast' many times, sometimes ending up 'thrown under the bus', NO THANKS to communications slip-ups, hiccups and with no excuse, at times before, it was my callous sense of irresponsibility WHICH I took for granted all along😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  One human frailty WHICH exists across cultures and geographies is our deep-seated and robust memory for hiccups and mistakes.  For someone WHO has done things perfectly day by day, on the next day he flops and causes a hiccup, that single exception gets etched in stone and he ends up remembered MORE for that single slip-up rather all the good things he should be credited for.  Sadly, that's HOW things are in life.  Moral of the story:  You may NOT be perfect BUT [still], aim for perfection because EVEN ONE SINGLE HICCUP BECOMES A NO-NO😀😀😀

When WHINING Is More Than Just WHINING

 

All along, I [wrongly] shrugged off WHINING as nothing BUT one of those petty manifestations NOT worth talking about.  LIKE a trouble shared lightens our mental load and facilitates gaining other perspectives.  LIKE WHINING makes us feel good?  Especially if we get validated, YES at times it could be a way to bond and connect.  Personally, I feel that small doses of WHINING and verbalizing our gripes can be a stress reliever💚💛💜

Statistical data shows that on average, we spend 10,000 minutes a year WHINING and moaning, call it any other way.  YES, the data showed as well that millennials WHINGED the most.with relationships and work colleagues dominating the source of those WHININGs and moanings.  No here's the bombshell from experts.  Excessive WHINING is NOT good for our physical and psychological health.  Apparently, chronic complaining induces NEGATIVITY, rewires our brainand activates the stress hormone cortisol.  Then, our immune system gets weakened and even our blood pressure rises and what happens next, your guess is as good as mine💥💥💥

Listening to the experts, although the general understanding is that we feel that venting and WHINING releases those pent-up pressures, the reality is it fuels negativity rather than ameliorates it.  Going on about something OR someone ignites negative feelings as we relive the scene.  And worst of all worse stuff, with social media hovering all over us, ranting online will NOT make us feel better, that's for sure😀😀😀

In the shortest words, instead of blowing off steam, WHINING fuels fire.  True, we hear people often complain to gain support BUT if that becomes repetitive and intense, ironically, it wears down the patience of others.  NOW, that's NOT the last of the warnings.  Apparently, frequent WHINING becomes habitual and increases the likelihood of feeling NEGATIVE even about other aspects of life.  Things then can get nastier❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  NOT to be overly tough on our own self, let us NOT turn a blind eye even for the tiniest RED FLAGs that may seem to surface because those are the best times to 'nip things in the bud' [and it is a known fact that if any effort that gets exerted at the earliest point in time can equate to the least efforts you and me can exert.  YES dude, there will be moments WHEN WHINING IS MORE THAN JUST [simply] WHINING😡😡😡

Reacting Versus Responding

 

Puzzling OR even bewildering because in every situation, sometimes, we [wrongly] thought that it's all about a coin that needs to be flipped.  BUT supposedly, this is a non-discussion BUT the thing is, sometimes the other side of the coin has two more sides, that is, REACTING versus RESPONDING.  Yes, frankly, there is a huge whale of difference between either REACTING OR RESPONDING💥💥💥

I've been into a bind a zillion times WHEREIN in the aftermath, I would blurt out LIKE WHEN I look back on my knee-jerk reactions, many times I realized that Is should have just taken a breath.  The irony here is that many of us tend to have a mix-up of REACTING versus RESPONDING, [wrongly] thinking that it's one and the same, synonymously.  BUT they are NOT.  In fact, they're poles apart💚💛💜

WHEN we say OR do something 'WITHOUT THINKING', that's our unconscious mind running the show, driven either by the beliefs, biases OR prejudices.  YES, the harsh truth is that a REACTION is based 'in the moment' and it does NOT take into consideration the ramifications and/or consequences of WHAT we say OR do.  From a psychology perspective, REACTIONs are more survival-oriented and frankly at times, it reflects a level of defense mechanism.  It might turn out okay BYT often a REACTION is something you and me will regret later, that's something we can be sure of.  Been there, been burnt many times💥💥💥

And HOW about RESPONSEs.  Anyone who's excited may feel frustrated [and probably impatient] because RESPONSEs usually come and happen agonizingly slow.  NOT to point fingers here and there BUT WHO RESPONDs and NOT REACTs would exert effort + time to gather all the information both from our conscious and unconscious mind.  YES, RESPONSEs take into consideration the well-being NOT just of oneself✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Allow me to share a real-life scenario WHERE a beggar approaches you out in the streets.  If you gave out money out of fear, embarrassment OR guilt, that is a REACTION  BUT if you gave that money from a solid sense of "I'm here to help my fellow man in whatever form", that is a RESPONSE.  YES dude, there is a world of difference between REACTING versus RESPONDING even in exactly the same life circumstances😡😡😡

Interruptions, Anyone?

 

INTERRUPTIONS, anyone?  Supposedly, INTERRUPTIONS should be the least of our worries, right?  Rightfully so EXCEPT WHEN it's either recurring more often OR even if it does rarely, it is impacting you, your focus, your thought process.  And more often, a lot of bigger issues in life initially pop-up as those little insignificant and inessential stuff😡😡😡

And WHEN INTERRUPTIONs become quite constant, it can indeed be difficult to deal with BUT understanding a bit more with a broader perspective can help us cope with it.  Oh YES, recognizing WHY INTERRUPTIONS happen is a great place to start.  And before we look around elsewhere, it should NOT take much effort from our end to do a SELF-ASSESSMENT in case there is something to be rectified OR at least improved from us, maybe the way we articulate? OR probably we have behavioral body language that seems to trigger the 'INTERRUPTERs'???

Oh yes, DISCUSSIONS matter so much in our daily life, be it at home, at work OR even in our business forays.  And a DISCUSSION can take only so many INTERRUPTIONs before it ceases to be a DISCUSSION.  For that reason, chronic INTERRUPTIONs are 'conversation-killers' that will expectedly disrupt even the healthiest exchange of information.  YES, listening to experts, we need to have a better grasp of that psychology of INTERRUPTING😂😂😂

• CULTURE/FAMILY BACKGROUND - Some tendencies to INTERRUPT can stem from cultural differences.  That may mean like a natural behavior for them.
• NEED FOR CONTROL - There are some INTERRUPTERs WHO are goal-driven, impatient people WHO likes 'straight to the point'.  At times, we find out that there are ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  Facing the mirror, allow me to share my self-realizations as well:

• EXCESSIVE EXCITEMENT - That has happened to me multiple times, with excitement taking over me as WHEN I am unable to go straight to the point, INTERRUPTERs end up interrupting me
• LACK of AWARENESS - Chronic INTERRUPTERs sometimes have NO idea they are even doing it.  As the Singaporean expression goes, "IT'S AS PER NORMAL"

Dude, next time around, can we handle INTERRUPTIONs much better???