The RIGHT & WRONG Things In Life

The RIGHT & WRONG Things In Life

Good day folks.  Here's a giveaway question for the day.  Is it true that WHEN THE WRONG PEOPLE LEAVE YOUR LIFE, THE RIGHT THINGS START HAPPENING?  Somehow, this anonymous quote holds water but I'd rather NOT use that as a blanket and categorical statement.  To be on the pragmatic side, I'd rather claim there are RIGHT & WRONG Things In Life.  And if it happens that you ended teaming up with the 'rotten' egg OR fruit, things can go awry.  BUT wait when that 'rotten' egg OR fruit is taken away, things will likely shine up for you💦💦💦

NOT to blame us though, the RIGHTs and WRONGs in life seem contained in a rubik's cube.  WHETHER something is RIGHT or WRONG, sometimes it is HOW we do it that tends to translate and influence things to become either RIGHT or WRONG.  Ironically, whether something is RIGHT or WRONG, that is heavily influenced by either situations OR people.  As a hypothetical example, if your life now is like a fairytale with happiness all around and I ask you if GOD is RIGHT?  Surely, you'll retort, GOD is RIGHT!  Let's reverse things.  Assuming you had a major failure in life recently and I ask you if GOD is RIGHT, surely you will disagree and stand up that GOD is WRONG📗📙📘

WHAT's our safest conclusion?  WHETHER something is RIGHT or WRONG, it heavily hinges on your current situation.  And BTW, this happens to us all.  That spontaneity to react to a situation bypasses the very basic concepts of RIGHT and WRONG.  At the workplace, if I ask you if your boss is RIGHT or WRONG, I can be absolutely certain that your response will be based on your current 'TUNING' with him.  That day WHEN he applauds you OR offers you incentives or initiates your promotion, he is RIGHT [absolutely at that!].  BUT that day he screams at you OR overburdens you with work, that same boss is WRONG.  Indeed, WHAT a paradox😑😑😑

WHAT could be our realizations here?  It seems we are just another person WHO makes a choice as per your convenience of time and situation.  BUT hey, DON'T feel guilty about this because all of us [that includes moi] are doing this and we're all guilty!@#$%?  Your RIGHT or WRONG is molded as per time and situation❎❎❎

So, WHAT's our takeaway here?  It is all about your priorities and you need NOT feel sorry about it.  Let's face it, it is the practicality of the real world we are in.  And there is NOTHING much you can change about it.  So, let us STOP judging people and situations and STOP labelling them as RIGHT or WRONG.  The thing is, if your LIFE is loaded with materialistic options, you might that thinking always about the monies is WRONG.  BUT GOD forbid, WHEN you cannot fulfill your necessities of your life, all you want is monies.  So, whether you are RIGHT or WRONG, let us do an in-depth realization❗❗❗

So, Where Does Your ATTENTION Go?

So, Where Does Your ATTENTION Go?

Heard of this typical story.  There's this I.T. executive who is happily married, with children, works 12 to 14 hour-days, and perpetually feeling exhausted, leaving him with very little, if at all, energy left to engage with his family in the evenings.  And that made him feel guilty and dissatisfied.  Then, he slept poorly, rarely ate healthy meals, more often grabbing a bite to eat on the run OR while working on his desk.  So, WHAT's left of him?  WHAT happened to his ENERGY? Despite his focus at work, what seems to be ailing him?  Is he missing something serious enough to impact both his work life and his personal life?  So, Where Does Your ATTENTION Go❓❓❓

Oh, they say, 'when it rains, it pours', suggesting that maybe at times, challenging situations often get to hit us in rapid succession.  Then, it can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment, one problem piling one another.  It's as if you are trapped on a treadmill, endlessly encountering negative circumstances.  And in the face of such circumstances, we got two choices, namely, we can either fixate on the hardships OR accept them while taking charge of WHAT we can control.  WHICH path will you take?  It's like, oh it's only the beginning of the week, but here you are, feeling drained right on a Monday.  Then, this vicious cycle repeats week after week❌❌❌

Thing is, most of us respond to rising demands in the workplace by putting in longer hours, which inevitably, take a toll on us in all aspects, i.e. physically, mentally and even emotionally.  Then, where does lead us to?  That leads us to declining levels of engagement and conversely increasing the levels of distraction as we take on tasks📗📙📘

BUT the core problem with working longer hours is that time is a finite resource.  BUT ENERGY  is a different story.  From a layman's perspective, our own energy comes from a combination of our body, emotions, mind and spirit.  And studies show that ENERGY can be expanded via specific rituals📌📌📌

What's our takeaway here?  Let us establish the rituals and behaviors that will that will help us to better manage our transformed ENERGY in our life.  Like you set an earlier bedtime, waking up more rested, then more motivated to start a new day.  In due time, you will find time to sit down and engaging with your family thereon.  So, WHERE does your attention go?  It goes to the rituals and behaviors you allow, plain and simple❎❎❎

So What's Wrong With Being 'AVERAGE'?

So What's Wrong With Being 'AVERAGE'?

So What's Wrong With Being 'AVERAGE'?  Since when did being AVERAGE carry such a STING, an unspoken STIGMA so much so that being AVERAGE in life is shunned off by almost all of us [and may I confess, this is a very late realization for me because I'm equally guilty for [VERY WRONGLY] riding on that bandwagon because there's NOTHING wrong with being AVERAGE in all aspects of life📗📙📘

After enduring an almost lifetime of shunning off being AVERAGE in any aspect of life, I humbly admit that I now long for the freedom of NOT caring whether I'm good enough.  Trying so damn hard all the time can indeed be draining and exhausting and for WHAT reason?  To grab that chance of being better than AVERAGE?  So, WHY can't we accept AVERAGE?  And frankly, WHY can't we settle for AVERAGE?  That, in itself, is telling, AS IF being AVERAGE is something we settle for BUT not something we aspire to💵💷💶

Now, let's work with facts.  By the LAW OF AVERAGES, most of us are AVERAGE.  So, there is just NOTHING wrong with AVERAGE, yet I expect more from myself, you yourself expecting more from yourself?  Is that FAIR?  Is that a FAIR ASK?  Let's be brutally honest here.  Most of my friends are AVERAGE people, living in AVERAGE homes, with AVERAGE jobs.  BUT, do you know WHAT's not AVERAGE in them❓❓❓

Their hearts, their souls are, frankly, off the charts, exceptional.  They 'sprinkle and sparkle' in ways the top percentile of mankind could only be left dreaming of, probably.  Now, what drives us into this dilemma?  Is it RELEVANCE?  BUT if we're NOT RELEVANT, are we then irrelevant? Now, let me admit, within my core, I carry a rock of irrelevance, a primal belief that sometimes may burden someone of being worthless OR unwanted❎❎❎

WHAT's our takeaway today?  THAT it's okay to be part of the crowd.  THAT we DON'T need to stand out and dazzle like a diamond.  Sometimes, being a piece of coal brings more warmth and meaning anyway.  DON'T get me wrong, though.  We're NOT espousing that we remain AVERAGE in life.  In the spirit of performance and living life to the fullest, WHO does not relish being at the top of the totem pole, whether in terms of work performance OR being successful in life.  BUT if we stumble across someone AVERAGE, let us embrace the AVERAGE❗❗❗

That FEAR OF FAILING!

That FEAR OF FAILING!

How is it, just entertaining the idea of FAILING.  ISN'T it crippling?  That FEAR OF FAILING and FAILURE can be a major barrier to achieving your goals BUT hey dude, we can all rise up on this and take on the challenge.  So, WHERE do you start from here?  First off, RECOGNIZE HOW YOU FEEL.  Without recognizing and acknowledging it, you CAN'T even contemplate in planning to take your second step📗📙📘

Secondly, we need to CHANGE OUR PERSPECTIVE of FAILURE.  To a fault, our lifelong problem is that, all along, we were taught that FAILURE is a BAD thing.  For others, it's even painted as a STIGMA.  However, we often learn more from our FAILURES than from our successes and by itself, that can be invaluable experiences.  Thirdly, practice SELF-COMPASSION.  WHY?  Because we need to remember that we are trying our best and that is enough by itself💢💢💢

WHAT else?  Seek help OR at the very least, speak to someone you trust, one you're comfortable with.  If you feel crippled by that FEAR OF FAILURE, psychologists strongly encourage us that as a first step, confide your situation to someone you trust [even before seeking counselling from third parties].  'OFFLOADING' things over to someone you trust will be a major first step in the right direction.  Problem is those going through this challenge want to remain ensconced in their SHELL, which kind of tells them that they are indeed DOOMED to FAIL from the very start💥💥💥

WHAT else?  Let's GET ORGANIZED.  HOW?  Let us endeavor to recognize any easily removed barriers that are getting in the way of starting your initiative.  If you've been on hybrid work-from-home setup since the Covid-19 Pandemic, maybe you need to tidy up your desk/workstation and/or organize all your stuff.  WHAT we should NEVER miss out is that this is NOT procrastination and it can actually be a necessary first step in getting things started💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  Let's borrow that successful Nike business slogan saying "LET'S DO IT" because if we're contemplating to avoid doing something, that avoidance could be [wrongly] rooted in our tendency to keep everything perfect.  Do get started as early as possible and throwing away on the window all the IFs and BUTs, all the baseless concoctions of excuses.  WHAT we should remember is that while the UNKNOWN or UNCERTAINTLY is indeed scary, we DON'T know WHAT it will bring us.  We DON'T know if it will work out.  Sometimes, we are already in the comfort of certainty.  And for that reason, we tend to sway away from the UNKNOWN or UNCERTAINTY. BUT hey, if life is good already, WHY complicate it.  BUT hey, once you know that you could NOT FAIL, then stop OVER-THINKING the future and execute the plans you have.  Remember that one day, you need to gather all your courage to do it, dumping away that FEAR of FAILING💥💥💥

'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State

'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State

'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State,  And all studies are aligned to this given.  WHY?  Because, in unison, everyone says that 'BUSY" is simply a FEELING and moreover, we can control that FEELING.   Now, please DON'T get me wrong.  I'm NOT trying to stir here a sandstorm because, fact is, everyone has a lot of things to do each day [and BTW, that list will NEVER end].  And millions of people all over the world could have same OR similar routines everyday seven days a week, in fact.  So, do we agree that 'BUSYNESS' Is Not A Physical State❓❓❓

Despite the frenetic paces of our daily lives, have you heard some 'noises' like.... A beshie/BFF blurting out to her BFF:  You forgot to INVITE me your housewarming/blessing OR the head of the family scratching his head as he forgot to 'fund' his bank account for a cheque to be cleared that day OR at work, you forgot to ensure that a deliverable to your client gets done latest today❓❓❓

So, WHAT could have caused those misses?  This is NO mind-boggling thing but the most common woe everyday is that someone just DIDN'T WRITE IT DOWN.  It's true we have automated DINGs reminding us but how come sometimes it gets missed? NOT writing down WHAT you have to do means you are solely relying on your brain to manage ALL the things you need to do.  BUT hey, our brains are simply 'damn terrible' at being a To-do List Manager.  BUT hey, that title OR designation is simply non-existent.  Our brain does NOT and CAN'T just compartmentalize what needs to be done & WHEN💴💷💵

BUT true, sometimes our brain REMINDS us to reply to an email [WHILE you're brushing your teeth before going to bed].  Sometimes, it reminds you that you need to do a quick 'car wash' [which you wanted to] BUT your brain reminds you that while you are in the midst of your presentation at work.  So HOW?  Go, get yourself a simple ring-binder notebook and carry it with you everywhere so you can write things on-the-fly.  OR maybe you have your own systems in place but it's just too complicated😒😒😒

Heard of To-do List with dependencies cutting across a fraction of a day or after 2.5 days.  OR when tracking your bank balance, you need to be alerted each time the running balance decreases between $100 to $200?  OR maybe you're NOT efficiently using your calendars on your laptop or smartphone.  OR maybe you just CAN'T say 'NO' to anyone who throws ad hoc requests to you?  At the end of the day, where does this lead you?  Probably, you drive and reach home, down and drained.  BUT hey, 'BUSYNESS' IS NOT A PHYSICAL STATE!@#$%?

Is GRATEFULNESS Foreign-sounding?

Is GRATEFULNESS Foreign-sounding?

Is GRATEFULNESS Foreign-sounding?  It seems I guess because experts say that generally, there are MENTAL ROADBLOCKS like feeling impatient, having high expectations OR thinking that the subject may be too sentimental.  BUT devoting enough time to the practice can help CHANGE one's mentality about GRATITUDE.  So, question to us all:  Are you the type WHO wants to enjoy the benefits of GRATITUDE but are finding it quite a difficult habit to adopt💴💷💵

BUT before we look for the FIXES, let's combine hands to figure out as to WHY feeling GRATITUDE can be quite hard for many of us.  Studies cite three common reasons.  First, GRATITUDE can seem touchy and in our daily rat race, people can blurt, 'I DON'T NEED THAT.  AND BTW I'M BUSY'.  BUT for those with earnest efforts to exert, you might be just procrastinating to even start  OR that habit probably has yet to catch on❔❔❔

Second common reason for us feeling challenged to find GRATITUDE may be attributed to our high expectations [which we feel, are NOT met].  Let's take a real-life scenario.  You call a handyman contractor to fix your plumbing issues at home and by the time the handyman left, he did fix your issues BUT with your high expectations, you feel that that handyman's services was NOT enough.  Worst, if you are in the midst of anxiety OR depression, you just CAN'T turnaround fast to have that GRATITUDE📌📌📌

So, WHAT simple ways can we have GRATITUDE?  First, if satisfaction is WHAT you seek, GRATITUDE is certainly one key ingredient.  The more we seek out feelings of GRATEFULNESS, the more rewards it will bring to our life.  Second, psychologists claim that GRATITUDE is a form of SELF-CARE and SELF-CARE is as important as ever.  Three years into that pandemic, the value of SELF-CARE should catch our attention❗❗❗

Third, while GRATITUDE may seem difficult at first, that challenge to feel GRATEFUL will subside behind one's regular and constant efforts.  The fourth reason should be an EYE-OPENER to us all.  It's best to have LITTLE or NO expectations for WHAT a GRATITUDE practice may bring.  Expecting too much from a GRATITUDE practice may just disappoint you.  Next, making GRATITUDE a habit [just similar to exercise] is easier when considered fun or enjoyable.  Let's endeavor to bring our FOCUS to feelings of appreciation for whatever you find.  Do SAVOR [that] APPRECIATION.  And BTW, GRATITUDE strengthens relationships.  WHEN feeling lonely or isolated, you can use GRATITUDE to strengthen relationships.  Yes dude, GRATEFULNESS is NOT foreign-sounding, after all✅✅✅

Can We Temper Over-thinking?

Can We Temper Over-thinking?

Can we temper over-thinking?  Yes we can.  BUT if indeed we want to control our mind, this will take a bit of determination [and NOT gargantuan efforts] because sometimes, the reality we're staring it is just a tough nut to crack.  A major family conflict.  A recent breakup.  A financial 'fiasco'.  These are just the 'most major' stuff we CAN'T be blamed to keep over-thinking.  And then, factor-in those 'UNWANTED' thoughts which can cause plenty of frustration and distress.  And BTW, you're NOT alone in wanting to make them go away📘📗📙

It's just normal to have trouble convincing yourself to 'LOOK UP' when feeling downcast in the face of stress and other challenges.  And while actual mind control belongs in the realm of 'science fiction', let's face it, you can work to CHANGE your mindset.  And psychologists always harp that, first things first, we need to identify the THOUGHTS we want to CHANGE✅✅✅

It goes without saying that you have to figure out WHAT's on your mind before you can even begin to control it.  And nearly everyone experiences discouraging thoughts OR even emotional setbacks from time to time.  And if you're currently experiencing some life challenges, you might find it even harder to maintain control over those spiraling thoughts OR even your overall mindset.  True, occasional intrusive thoughts are just normal BUT it can be distressing too❌❌❌

Other mental behaviors that may lead you to detect possible troubling thought patterns include:

RUMINATION - those looping thoughts

NEGATIVE SELF-TALK - a.k.a. nonsense

FIXED PESSIMIST- this is a RED flag

Indeed, identifying specific thoughts and patterns can help you make the most out of the other common tips we have.  Sometimes, though, psychologists do encourage us to accept UNWANTED thoughts.  While it's human nature to flinch away from pain, yet pushing away such UNWANTED thoughts ISN'T the way to gain [OR regain] control.  Our takeaway:  ACCEPT those UNWANTED thoughts.  Acceptance can offer clues why such specific thoughts keep coming up.  Maybe you keep thinking of a fling who GHOSTED you?  CHANGE your perspective and SELF-TALK can go a long way to help change your mindset.  More often, over-thinking never stops because we never stop it❗❗❗

Harsh On Yourself?

Harsh On Yourself?

Our childhood is donkey years behind us BUT suddenly I realized that WHEN we were children, more often than NOT, we felt confident.  We seem to have that 'SPARK' of innocence and joy and we DIDN'T know WHAT it was to feel inadequate.  BUT as we grow up, our worlds get bigger and more complex.  As a result, we start to wonder if we're good enough.  So, are you Harsh On Yourself📗📙📘

We might even end up comparing ourselves to others OR we might end up setting unrealistic expectations to ourselves based on other people's standards.  This is particularly the case WHEN it comes to perfectionism.  WHENEVER we want to do something, it has to be done just right, even if it means spending hours on end agonizing over WHAT simple word should go in a sentence, or WHICH outfit looks best. HOW can we stop being so hard on ourself💡💡💡

Studies show that one of the best ways to stop being HARD on ourself is to understand the very roots of one's PERFECTIONISM.  For some, it might be that they never got the support they needed growing up.  For others, it might be their fear of failure.  WHATEVER the reason is, understanding WHY you are so hard on yourself is the first step to overcoming it📌📌📌

If you can relate to someone being hard on oneself, it may also mean you're hard on yourself.  And this can take the form of harsh, punitive judgments, overanalyzing shortcomings and rumination over minor missteps, worry and assuming fault.  Perhaps you have thought that self-criticism is WHAT keeps you sharp BUT sensitive strivers often use it as a form of MOTIVATION, so they get compelled to perform❎❎❎

BUT numerous researches show that self-criticism is what really keeps one sharp enough.  The downside is that self-criticism is deemed as a 'poor strategy' by experts.  WHY?  Because when used excessively, it is associated with LESS MOTIVATION, worse self-control and greater procrastination.  So dude, will you still be harsh on yourself❔❔❔

Do We Really Need A SEA CHANGE?

Do We Really Need A SEA CHANGE?

Think about it.  There you are, READY to CHANGE.  You did struggle in the past [and maybe till to date?] BUT here you are, doubly motivated to make SMALL CHANGES, one step at a time.  You felt stuck, wanting to CHANGE, BUT never making it stick.  You felt shaky about your ability to create lasting CHANGE.  BUT something has shifted and you seem to be READY now to invest time and effort into making a SEA CHANGE.  BUT Do We Really Need A SEA CHANGE📗📙📘

It might seem like a great idea to chuck in the stresses of city living and mover over to the countryside for an easier [AND LESS stressful] lifestyle.  That idea of moving out of the city and making major lifestyle changes is a long held dream for many people.  YES, it's fantastic to have dreams BUT the reality of such a CHANGE can sometimes be tough.  Many people's ideas of getting back to nature and enjoying a quieter life lead them on a journey they DIDN'T expect❌❌❌

Thing is, a SEA CHANGE is a drastic CHANGE from a city lifestyle and is really about evaluating WHAT's important to you then improving your lifestyle to achieve a healthier, less stressful environment.  It's about LIVING LIFE to the full and enjoying a more peaceful OR meaningful existence.  It DOESN'T really matter WHERE you go and is often more about downsizing [your income, your house, your expectations, etc]❗❗❗

Sometimes, though, the desired calmer and and happier result DOESN'T just happen because in every CHANGE, there are multifarious factors and 'WHAT IF' scenarios that may pop-up.  Our takeaway:  DON'T push for SEA CHANGE unless it is really warranted.  And before you plunge into a decision, got to address basic questions of a SEA CHANGE✅✅✅

Basic questions prior to pushing through a SEA CHANGE are as follows:

• WHY do you need a SEA CHANGE?
• WHAT if you go for a MINOR CHANGE?
• WHAT are possible risks you will face?
• WHAT happens if you keep the status quo and DON'T pursue CHANGE?

Turning Around BAD DAYS

Turning Around BAD DAYS

We all have BAD DAYS, like it OR not.  Perhaps we left home early because we wanted to avoid that pestering traffic gridlocks only to end up with a traffic bottleneck just after your village exit.  OR when you reach your work, the first one you see is a grumpy colleague.  OR you have a client delivery committed today BUT which cannot happen.  WHATEVER the reason, BAD DAYS are part of life.  However, we can choose HOW we react to it. Turning Around BAD DAYS📗📙📘

One [and this is the most common once] option is to DWELL on the situation and let our NEGATIVE emotions persist throughout the day.  BUT are you willing to take that path???  Be cautioned that whatever is your mood at that point in time can SPREAD OUT and worse, worsen.  Instead, WHY don't we take the initiative and find ways to make a BAD DAY better?  That choice will be both empowering and POSITIVE, right❔❔❔

Personally, despite my propensity towards being OPTIMISTIC and POSITIVE, there are days WHEN everything has unequivocally gone too bad, NO MATTER how I really tried to reframe the situation.  And RECLAIMING control of days like this can be challenging enough.  In fact, various studies showed that employees WHO encountered workplace conflicts in the morning end up being unable to get their day back on track😐😐😐

From a medical perspective, I've read that there is a neurological underpinning of a day GONE WRONG due to a series of biological and psychological processes that automatically begin WHEN we encounter something stressful.  And the STRESS RESPONSE is useful when it helps us to face an immediate threat BUT it often diminishes our capacity to reason and focus❗❗❗

Ironically, medical experts advise that those are the very functions we need to address the kinds of complex situations we face at home or at work.  So WHAT's our fix[es]?  

• REACH OUT to a friend - even over a cup of coffee
• GO FOR A WALK - catching fresh air will help
• GO FOR A SMALL WIN- achieve something ASAP
• BE THANKFUL - that this is your worst problem now
• TAP YOUR BACK - to praise yourself in handling this
• HELP SOMEONE ELSE - you'll feel great doing that