Do We Judge Others By Their ACTIONS But Ourselves By INTENTIONS?

 

In this rowdy world we co-exist, it seems that many of us [a majority in fact] is a judge by him/herself.  We tend to have this idea that some things are right and others are wrong.  That kind of BLACK or WHITE stuff, whew!  YES, this seems to form the basis as to WHY we consider ourselves as perfect beings in some circumstances.  In the process of being that way, we become JUDGMENTAL and only our worldviews are real  REALLY?  Do We REALLY Judge Others By Their ACTIONS But Ourselves By INTENTIONS???

In the face of man, no matter how noble our intentions are, if the consequences of our action are bad, trust me, we will be judged badly and harshly NO less.  Without tainting cultures, in Nigeria, if you help a hit and run victim on the highway, you are kind of risking that dreadful 'life sentence'  OR at least a life imprisonment if the subject victim eventually dies.  YES, sadly, that is one big problem that even in this 21st century, a country like Nigeria does still prosecute such act blindly WHEREAS in the First World where functional CCTV's are normal, people DON'T get prosecuted for such a noble act.  WHAT explains that huge disparity???

In the judicial space, while I am NOT a lawyer, typically, a judge in a court of law will tend to focus more on the facts before him that provides supporting grounds to the case at hand instead of looking into the intentions of the accused.  WHILE I am NOT a constitutionalist, I would hear experts exclaim that "THIS OR THAT" was NOT what the law is all about because of its unstated intent and spirit behind the provisions of the law.  WHAT a paradox here, the law seems to sow confusion???

YES, it is also true that INTENTIONS may NOT be easily get perceived OR understood because we DON'T know WHAT the person was thinking before carrying that specific act.  HOWEVER, WHY do we want our personal INTENTIONS to be judged and NOT our actions?  ISN'T that quite an inconsistency that seems to throw that 'parity principle' out of the window???

Our takeaway:  We need to raise our consciousness by several notches [if NOT decibels] WHEN discerning WHAT is perceived versus WHAT is factual.  Is this HOW we are programmed from the beginning OR did our societal mores did influence our thought processes towards this direction?  Verily true, most of our behaviors [IF NOT ALL] are learnt from our respective societies.  It could be then somehow argued that society probably taught us to reason things that way.  So, DO WE JUDGE OTHERS BY THEIR ACTIONS BUT OURSELVES BY OUR INTENTIONS???

Get Off The Mat And Off To The Next Challenge

 

Back in our High School days, a common dilemma of us students was getting to school every morning with NO tardiness.  And I remember our High School teacher gave a sage advice which was:  WHEN YOU WAKE UP, RISE UP.  These days, we'll hear this more  Get Off The Mat And Off To The Next Challenge.  WHICH leads me to really ponder if WHAT matters most in our life is a CATALYST, something OR someone that causes change to occur and indeed, having that 'change agent' can be damn helpful💥💥💥

WHICH reminds me of 'CATALYST GOALS' in life.  HOW I did it [the damn hard way in the past], I did set goals, crystal clear and concrete enough.  And once I embedded my commitment to it, those pre-set goals became my very CATALYST to move forward.  I then realized that many times in the past, I've been tricking myself WHEN I did set my goals.  Instead of doing WHAT matters, I worked diligently through my to-do list, ensuring that I remained 'spot on'✅✅✅

BUT there were times WHEN sometimes, my legitimate goals were seemingly left out.  The culprit?  I realized I wasn't doing 'GOOD PLANNING' at all then.  I seemed to delay executing this OR that task so there were days, I did stare at my pre-set goal and was ready to push it and slide to another week WHEN it suddenly dawned on me that if I did roll up my sleeves and do WHAT I needed to do, I could have accomplished WHAT needs to be done.  WHAT's my lesson here?  If ONLY I had a TO-DO List those days.  That would have made me more diligent.  And verily true, working with 'CATALYST GOALS' would keep me motivated and differentiating my positive self versus someone WHO incessantly procrastinates.  Mother of all ironies during those difficult times WHEN I was doing a 'balancing act' of my multiple deliverables, I was unaware that I got trapped!!!

As I constantly struggled then with one too many stuff on my struggling pair of hands, often I would end up overwhelmed and, YES, burned out.  SO HOW did I extricate myself from the mud?  I asked myself these most basic confrontational questions:

• Does completing my goals push me nearer to my 'future self'?
• Can I avoid that trap as I do the balancing act handling one too many with my bare hands?
• Have I plotted initially small steps that will lead me to the eventual bigger steps?  OR am I [falsely] carrying that superman belief?

Our takeaway:  I remember this perennial reassurance in the past WHENEVER I fail.  My mentor kept reminding me that each time I fall flat on my face, I am an inch OR foot closer to my pre-set goals.  Fast-forward today, I would agree and disagree with my mentor because WHILE it's true that I can be an inch closer to my goals, the flip side of things can lead me to another setback WHERE I will be an inch or foot farther back from my goals.  This all boils down to one's gumptions to keep going, GET OFF THE MAT AND OFF TO THE NEXT CHALLENGE❗❗❗

Why The Plurality Remains As 'AVERAGE'?

 

So, WHY is it a plurality [if NOT a majority] of us remain 'AVERAGE [despite all the breakthroughs, motivations and pushing from all sides]?  Studies showed that there are people WHO seem to be in the right place at the right [and sometimes perfect] time.  LIKE everything works out for them.  LIKE the right breaks, LIKE right opportunities popping up at the right timing, and they even call it those 'ideal moments'.  For some, they call it 'LUCK'📗📙📘📗📙📘

BUT WHAT if we would hear that that is NOT exactly true?  THAT, sometimes to get better results, we DON'T need more effort BUT maybe just a better strategy.  And a few tweaks in the way we think [and act] can even be a catalyst to 'skyrocket' our performance, WHICH is quite 'magical' to come into fruition.  Oh YES, we can stack the odds in our favor and it's NOT even magic.  Instead, it's all about statistics because the numbers will show.  And studies did show that many variables follow a normal distribution and most values do cluster around the middle.  WHILE the extreme cases are outliers📌📌📌

As statistics is beyond my domain, allow me to make reference to researches that consistently show that most cases are centered around the middle.  And the norm is somewhere in between, like average height, average intelligence, average consumption and so on.  We can then use this statistical distribution as an innate mental model to understand the world out there as we assume that most things lie in the middle.  And that's true in some cases💥💥💥

And that's WHEN we all go wrong.  WHICH reminds me of the Pareto Distribution because the normal distribution is quite easier to understand BUT we live in an increasingly complex world.  And in our very tight world, things DON'T always cluster in the middle BUT instead, very often, then tend to concentrate at the extremes.  If we're in a marketing job and will send out an email blast, you could send thousands of generic mails OR send personalized mails💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  Looking back, I can opine that most people only think in averages, metrics and volume.  BUT the real value is WHERE no one's looking, in that corner of the graph WHERE effort and outcome AREN'T proportional.  WHERE a small, smart move yields a massive result.  WHERE one tiny, well-placed action is worth 10, 100 or even 1,000 times more, and that's WHERE the right breaks, right contacts, and perfect opportunities happen at those ideal timings.  And from the outside world, that's WHAT it's dubbed as 'LUCK' but it's more than just the alignment of stars because it behooves that we should kick things for us to go beyond just being an AVERAGE😌😌😌

Nothing Is Hard In Life, SERIOUSLY

 

Is LIFE HARD?  To be on the safe side, I'lle exclaim it's NEITHER EASY NOR HARD.  What is EASY for one may be difficult to another one.  WHAT is a no-brainer with one may be a steep mountain slope to climb up.  In fact, many times I stumbled across two colleagues with very similar job roles.  YET, it was easy for one and HARD for the other one.  WHAT more WHEN we do a mapping of all these in our respective lives?  This probably explains WHY we're witnessing a constant cacophony of noise in this quite rowdy world.  So, WHO concurs that NOTHING IS HARD IN LIFE?  Seriously dude💚💛💜

In multifarious ways, I have been observing that some of us would think that something is more worthwhile if it is difficult to achieve [OR even strangely] if it is painful to achieve.  Additionally, if the 'norm' is to do one type of  thing and someone comes up with an easier thing that broadly achieves the same goals, people end up getting caught in the norm and will likely NOT leap to celebrate and change their lives, rather some may mock and criticize the person WHO has found an easier way and enjoin them to come back to the HARD way.  True, some things are HARD and painful BUT also have that tangible benefit, like working hard at a skill OR sport OR perhaps putting money in a high interest savings account BUT that level of difficulty OR pain involved in an endeavor does NOT automatically indicate its worthiness💧💧💧

These days, regardless WHERE you reside now, life can truly be overwhelming these days.  And IF you're feeling LIKE the challenges you're facing seem to be way too much for you to handle, you're certainly NOT alone.  In a recent United States survey, the majority of the respondents placed their stress levels between a 5 and a 10 on a scale of 1-10.  YES, everyone seems to be a bit stressed out for one reason OR another💥💥💥

And, according to researches, our individual stressors would likely NOT be related to current societal issues at all BUT ironically, they could be exacerbated by these societal issues.  YES, life is inevitably HARD at times and I agree, there are one too many UPs and DOWNs BUT if we're feeling like our life is consistently difficult, trust me, day-in day-out, you would feel that constant struggle if that pervades and prevails within you almost constantly.  You might even find yourself pondering WHY everything feels so hard on you?  Truth is, everyone's journey is different.  Just because your peers DON'T seem to be struggling right now, they may be facing challenges privately for all you know😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  My personal take here is that, without really downplaying the hardness of life as being faced by people WHO feel more challenged, I would encourage ourselves look at the positive side of things, weigh in both UPSIDEs and DOWNSIDEs while giving heavier weight to the POSITIVEs.  LIKE many years ago WHEN I got involved in a major car accident, I was thankful that that incident hit me that time because that time, I had 2 things in life WHICH you would badly need WHEN you're involved in a major accident.  It is the combination of TIME + MONIES.  Admittedly, that time, I had both as we just received our redundancy pay settlements WHEN US-headquartered Borden Chemical formally ended its commercial operations in my country then.  In short, NOTHING IS HARD IN LIFE, seriously [except you have to sweat it out dude]😡😡😡

STAYCATIONS Are Not That Bad After All

 

For the longest time, I used to frown on those STAYCATIONS with cynical snide remarks LIKE:  That's NOT the quality way!  WHY spend $$$$$ just within the city?  WHY settle for less WHEN we can have much better than that?  BUT alas, I'm now EATING MY WORDS because recently, we hied off for a short STAYCATION and invited along our family friend [Mom & daugther] and we realized that that was the best decision we made to date📘📙📗

Surely everyone will agree we all need that kind of collective vacation, some serious self-care.  Between work stress, family stress and health stress, WHERE does that lead us to?  Taking a multi-week vacation to a far-flung destination may NOT be in the cards anytime soon.  NOT to mention our 2-week Japan holiday, to me, it's NOT just 2-weeks because that was 'half a year' in the making.  I was crawling through sites finding good flight and hotel deals, and booking [initially] just to keep my options open💙💛💚

You might suspect me to be exagerrating that that Japan holiday was 'half a year' in the making?  Frankly, lemme share this.  I had less than 10 flight bookings then cancellations ONCE I found a much better offer.  With hotels, as we were staying across 5 cities in Japan, probably I aggregated around 50+/- hotel bookings [both direct hotel portal bookings, via Agoda and Booking.com as well].  With direct hotel bookings, even if I was interested for the first time with a particular hotel chain, I registered with their rewards programs with the hope that I can leverage on membership benefits.  So, that led me to finally book [with finality with NIKKO hotels].  With our flight bookings, I believe we got the best deal as I leveraged on that 'juicy offer from ANA Airlines for that 'free extra domestic flight', which to me, was HUGE in terms of $$$$$😁😁😁

Some insightful sharings here with regard our recent STAYCATION:

• We literally enjoyed every minute together with our family friends [yes we had 2 connected rooms].  Even our daughters [WHO were best friends] over-extended their swimming time such that by the time we had to go for dinner, all the restaurants in the nearby mall were closing.  So, we had to drive out and scour through [WHICH was a blessing in disguise as well, we ended up literally in a 'JOY RIDE']

Our takeaway:  WHILE there is NO guarantee that STAYCATIONs will surely be as enjoyble as WHEN you go on a cross-continent holiday, everything boils down to spending things in a QUALITY, both the time, $$$$$$$ and most importantly, LIVING THE MOMENT, enjoying the PRESENT.  And of course you have to be CREATIVE enough.  As we only have 24 hours in a day, would you believe, in our most recent STAYCATION, everyone [including my 78-year old father-in-law] hit the sack past 1am come next day?  Never belittle STAYCATIONS dude because STAYCATIONS ARE NOT BAD AFTER ALL😡😡😡

Carpe Diem a.k.a. Plucking The Day

 

These days, there is that lost in translation WHEN it's about CARPE DIEM is wrongly equated to SEIZING THE DAY. Although this is all semantics, there is a world of difference because scholars advise that it really means PLUCKING THE DAY.  Breaking it down further down to our layman's level, it's likened to gathering of the ripening fruits OR flowers.  Further down, it means enjoying a moment that is deeply rooted in the sensory experience of nature.  And WHILE this is one of the telling ways, it reveals as well that process of our hidden assumptions about WHAT we really value.  Indeed, gathering flowers as a metaphor for timely enjoyment is a far gentler and more sensual image than the rather forceful and sometime even violent concept of seizing the moment.  We can keep tweaking CARPE DIEM but it's still a welcome metaphor💚💛💜

Regardless WHETHER we tweak CARPE DIEM either to the left OR right, we'll still find ourselves with the same questions LIKE  is your mind constantly racing?  Do you feel like you're always chasing after time OR wanting more and more?  YES, admittedly at times, I go through thoughts like all these BUT to arrest a potential skid, I am constantly working on finding that potential greater contentment and YES, that sometimes elusive calm.  And WHEN I feel unsettled, I would endeavor to take 1 to 2 minutes of my time to close my eyes.  And in that very brief pause, I do think about making the most of WHAT I have that very moment.  Call it 'plucking the day' OR whatever❎❎❎

Teddy Roosevelt, one of the more popular American Presidents was widely quoted "DO WHAT YOU CAN, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, WHERE YOU ARE'.  This circles back to my thoughts before WHEN I wished I was born rich BUT after lots of soul-searching, I was [and still am] actually glad that I WASN'T born rich.  WHY?  Because those episodes in my life did teach me lessons I could have NOT learned elsewhere❌❌❌

Thing is, WHATEVER situation you are in now, there are a few essential things we need to consider even as we speak now:

• THAT happiness is a choice!
• THAT you DON'T need much to be happy
• THAT we be grateful for WHAT we have

Our takeaway:  Let's settle with this Mark Twain quote:  GIVE EVERY DAY THE CHANCE TO BECOME THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY OF YOUR LIFE.  I remember years back WHEN I got involved in a major car accident.  My constant reminder to myself WAS that I WAS grateful that that accident happened that very time WHEN I had all the time to spare and I had all the resources to tap.  In short, let's STOP thinking/saying LIKE  "IF I HAD THIS, I WOULD BE HAPPY". Enough of that crap dude😡😡😡

How's your EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS?

 

On any given day, you probably experience a range of emotions, name it, excitement, unease, frustration, joy,  disappointment.  Quite often, these often relate to specific events, such as talking specifics with a friend, meeting with your boss, or seeing and meeting the apple of your eyes?  NOT surprising, our human responses to these events can vary based on our frame of mind and the circumstances surrounding the situation.  YES, an emotional trigger is anything, include those experiences and memories. How's your EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS???

Health experts always tell us that EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS is a very key component of good EMOTIONAL health.  The harsh truth here is that EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS are indeed associated with post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD].  The bigger picture of our life reflects a mile-long list of common situations that trigger intense emotions.  Rejection.  Betrayal.  Unjust treatment.  Challenged beliefs.  Helplessness.  Loss of control.  Being ignored.  Resistance to criticism.  Feeling unwanted.  Insecurity.  Even feeling smothered OR too needed!@#$%?

Back to the health experts, they counsel us to listen to our mind and body.  And a key step in learning to recognize your triggers involves paying attention WHEN situations generate a strong emotional response. BTW, it is an outlier if we will get into those EMOTIONAL pitfalls NOT until you yourself would experience those common manifestations like pounding heart, upset stomach, sweaty palms, name it💥💥💥

SO, WHAT NEXT?  We are always on the receiving end of this two-word advice: STEP BACK.  WHICH means, WHEN we detect OR start manifesting any of these, STEP BACK to take stock of things and consider WHAT just happened including the result OR response that it seemed to have activated.  Let's take a lift from movie-like settings like the wifey spent the whole day doing deep cleaning at home and even rearranging the living room.  WHEN hubby comes home, he is oblivious of everything and quickly settles on the sofa😕😕😕

Our takeaway:  I've seen it many times that we do STEP BACK after we OR someone has blown his/her top.  Problem is, they stop there instead of tracing the very root cause by following back and thinking back the situation that led you to feel WHAT you're currently feeling.  As the old cliche goes, IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO.  If we break that jinx, it may NOT have been such a gargantuan task, right?  So, HOW'S YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS❓❓❓

Red Flags Are Red Flags

 

Here's a give-away bonus question:  HOW MANY COLORS ARE THERE [just a ball park number please]?  Great, you're right, there are approximately 10 million different colors and that includes the 1,000 shades of light, 100 levels of red-green and 100 levels of yellow-blue.  For the deep-blue theorists, they can argue that there is an infinite number of colors.  BUT we WON'T bury ourselves into that fiasco.  Final BONUS question:  WHAT color raises the highest level of alarm OR call it scare?  YESSSSSS, that's RED, hence the RED flags we hear in life.  BUT in the realm of personal relationships, RED flags are typically behaviors or characteristics that suggest that the other person may NOT be the right one for you📗📙📘

Imagine going on a date for the first time with a person WHO does NOT ask a single personal question?  Obviously that sounds either strange OR implausible BUT more than that, that could raise a RED flag.  BTW, in my many informal exchanges of notes with my close friends, many admitted to having experienced that scenario at least once.  And everyone did agree with me that that did raise a RED flag💥💥💥

On the other hand, it is quite excusable and explainable if some of us will simply shut off his eyes for RED flags of that sort, explaining that that could be a one-off thing and maybe it was neither premeditated nor intentional.  For this thread, let's avoid ending up questioning those personal decisions BUT it behooves that we be mentally [and sometimes emotionially] prepared WHEN those interpersonal RED flags do pop-up and HOW do we react and respond to such circumstances [before we get lost in the maze of things].  For alignment, let us agree that RED flags are typically behaviors OR characteristics from another person that suggest you may NOT want to spend time with them😡😡😡

Maybe, either because one is perceived as either unpleasant, uninteresting OR worse, scary OR dangerous to an extent.  On the other hand, the negative outcomes that could result from interacting with that person will vary.  WHAT is clear, however, is that those RED flags can give us those tell-tale signs [call it 'OMEN' for those NOT so good premonitions]  of potentially worse things to happen [IF that RED flag is ignored]!!!

Our takeaway:  At this point, you might wonder WHY are we spending time on RED flags WHEN there are more important things for us to cover?  NO sirrrrrrs.  Do you want to take the risk of looking the other way around WHEN a RED flag pops-up right in front your nose?  NOT to scare BUT that RED flag could worsen to become a burning RED flag.  BUT instead of scaring us, let us be thankful RED flags  do arise as it gives us that rare reprieve, right???

Congratulations [Once You Face The Mirror]!

 

HOW many zillion times have we heard someone egging OR challenging someone else to FACE THE MIRROR?  Let's take a step back.  The mirror has become the very symbol of that Rubicon Bridge because NOT until we gather all our guts and courage and bundle it with our gumption, then, we could liken that to ourselves [FINALLY] crossing the Rubicon.  And that's WHEN someone will scream, CONGRATULATIONS📗📙📘

Thing is, that space between the conscious and unconscious has always been the beginning of any CHANGE we've started and the thing is, we DON'T change by wanting to CHANGE.  YES, we end up deciding to CHANGE WHEN we see our own self clearly.  And many times, I heard this counsel from many psychologists:  Let us stop compromising OR giving an inch away, akin to self-negotiation because if we develop that habit of self-negotiation, more likely, we keep giving in, giving room to our own qualms, our tentativess, our vascillations, our own doubts with regard our own resoluteness to proceed OR not.  To quote Stoic philosopehr Seneca, our consciousness to level-up is proof and a significant step of transformation and to quote him:  WHOEVER COMES TO A MIRROR TO CHANGE HIMSELF HAS ALREADY CHANGED [by the time he/she does face the mirror].  WHY?  Because the less resolute, the coward-leaning part of our own selves would have skirted OR avoided facing to face that mirror in the first place💦💦💦

And the minute we are ready to face that person in the mirror, as early as that point in time, the CHANGE is already underway and yes, someone behind you can blurt out a loud 'CONGRATULATIONS' to you by then.  Thing is, no one will walk up to the mirror with doubts, uncertainty OR fears that remain lurking all over one's persona.  In a blunt way, you DON'T walk up to the mirror unless something inside you is already awake.  And you DON'T check your reflection unless you're already aware by then that something is 'off'.  And that awareness does change everything going forward and that awareness changes everything going forward.  BTW, this is a factual statement:  NOBODY EVER CHANGED ON IMPULSE💚💛💜

WHAT I learned through the years is that our eventual decision to question our own actions right in front the mirror can even trigger a domino effect.  NOT until we make and take that unconscious conscious enough, we just CAN'T turn things around.  Indeed, life transformation happens the minute we decide to go and face that mirror.  And the second we admit of your precarious situation, by the time you reach and face the mirror, you've already crossed the line by then and what comes next into play is this domino effect which will then start to play BUT very much in your favor.  YES, if there is competition, that comes from within you if you remain stubborn to flip❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Allow me to piggy-back on this very old cliche, that is, IF THERE'S WILL, THERE'S A WAY.  And while it's true that there are a zillion stumbling blocks and humps to overcome along the road, most of the time, the toughest stumbling block and the most difficult hump to overcome is our own self.  Otherwise, no amount of steep slopes of Mount Rushmore OR Mount Everest should ever deter us from moving forward until we receive and hear that loud CONGRATULATIONS [once we [finally] face the mirror]😡😡😡

Never Let Go Of The Rope

 

The recent Covid-19 pandemic did hit us hard BUT if it was a blessing in disguise after all, it gave many of us the singular opportunity to manifest our resilience in the midst of challenging times.  Living and existing through those years with that constant threat of the virus, it did cause an enormous impact on everyone's mental health.  Cases of anxiety and even depression did shoot up everywhere  BUT most of us Never Let Go Of The Rope adapting well to those unexpected debacles in the face of tragedy, trauma, threats OR even myriad sources of stress through those years.  And for some WHO did fail in facing those debacles, they were sometimes surprised HOW the 'survivors' had that RESILIENCE📗📙📘

Many [wrongly] thought that RESILIENCE was something deep 'INSIDE' a person.  NO sirrrrrrsss.  It NEVER was and NEVER will it be.  Instead, it is a process influenced as much OR more by factors 'outside' the person that can lead to better health.  YES YES yow, almost everyone of us did show some evidence of RESILIENCE at least in a few domains.  BUT with the Covid-19 pandemic behind us now, the researchers went on to clinically find out HOW did many of us get through things via RESILIENCE💥💥💥

And this is WHERE practicing acceptance can take work to lead us towards RESILIENCE.  YES dude, acceptance is key like accepting that everyone is just human [and that includes yourself and myself].   IF there is a caveat here, it is the NOT so obvious fact that for us humans, things will NOT always be perfect💧💧💧

For those alone in life, that meant accepting solitude and for some survivors, I had that rare privilege to hear straight from one survivor WHO admitted that he learned to spend more time with himself and to appreciate the things that he DIDN'T before.  And it is indeed important to acknowledge the stress a typical situation can cause before a person can truly accept it and YES, acceptance is a process✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  I learnt this lesson in one of my past trainings from a circuit guru who introduced me to that POSITIVE APPRAISAL approach.  Simply put, it means reframing a negative event in a positive way.  Like shifting from thinking about WHAT that pandemic prevented you from doing to focusing on WHAT it meant you can do like reading OR cooking more.  At the end of the day, let us NEVER LET GO OF THE ROPE, whatever lies ahead down the road❗❗❗