Boundaries In Life

Boundaries In Life

Living life with transparency and as an OPEN BOOK will be appreciated by everyone [and NO one will complain] BUT in living our personal life, it CAN'T run that way unconditionally.  Boundaries In Life need to be set and demarcated.  WHY?  In two words, to protect our well-being but that encompasses all the gamut in life, e.g. emotional, financial, physical, intellect and it DOESN'T even stop there💵💴💷

Challenge is, some of us simply want to please others, even if it means breaching their own personal boundaries.  NOT being able to set healthy BOUNDARIES can be related to common issues like low self-esteem, needing approval from others, learned helplessness OR the fear of being rejected OR criticized.  Frankly, I used to be that person unable to draw boundaries📗📙📘

WHY?  Not to blame my culture but I grew up in that kind of culture wherein saying NO is a NO-NO.  And if you meant to say NO, least you can do is to give a 'middle of the road' response that's neither here NOR there.  NOT to bad-mouth others but people will always be people.  UNTIL you say otherwise, they might take advantage of your help, kindness, pain, knowledge OR even your ignorance📌📌📌

Sadly, there are even people WHO will NEVER respect your boundaries, regardless as to HOW much you enforce them.  They WON'T listen to WHAT you have to say or act accordingly.   BUT hey, at that point, the problem is THEM and NOT you.  People WHO DON'T know how to respect other people's boundaries lack self-esteem in their lives and will project it on you shamelessly anytime.  BUT hey, there is a reason  why BOUNDARIES are imperative✅✅✅

Long time back, even while I was in High School, NO one knew my preferred course in the university.  And when I plotted my almost seamless immigration to Singapore, NO ONE was aware of it.  WHY?  Because I need that space protected by the boundary that gives me the privacy I deserve.  With social media running berserk, your most confidential info can spread like the Australian bush fires UNLESS you set your BOUNDARIES IN LIFE❗❗❗

What OVERTHINKING Brings Us

What OVERTHINKING Brings Us

You might think you're the only one lying awake at night, dwelling on a decision you made earlier that day OR worrying about tomorrow's TO-DO List .  BUT hey, you're NOT alone.  Erik Hermanson mentioned in Quora.com says that 90% of the population are constantly OVERTHINKING.  While an independent research showed that 73% of those aged 25 to 35 years old chronically OVERTHINK while 52% of those ages 45 to 55 do.  So, What Does OVERTHINKING Bring Us!@#$?

In many cases, studies show that OVERTHINKING could show up as rumination, which often involves perseverating on events of the past and even the present with a NEGATIVE mindset.  Whether your tendency of OVERTHINKING takes you into the past or focuses on the future, there are POSITIVE ways to reframe your thoughts.  Experts, though, claim that we can put to a halt OVERTHINKING which might slip further📗📙📘

So, WHERE do we go from here?  First off, you DON'T have to take every alarming thought that pops into your head as gospel truth.  In fact, you can use those OVERTHINKING moments to question and 'FACT CHECK' WHAT's true [or NOT], so that our 'worried thought' WON'T have as much power over you❌❌❌

In summary, while our brain may offer numerous 'THOUGHT SUGGESTIONS', it is ultimately up to us to decide if we accept them, in the first place.  So, experts do recommend that we 'RETRAIN' our brain.  As per their studies, WHEN the brain rests, the areas that 'LIGHT UP' are the problem solving areas associated with self-referential THINKING. Left on its own, our brain will tend to OVERTHINK❎❎❎

Our takeaway for today?  We need to train our brain to do otherwise, particularly if you observe you're OVERTHINKING at certain times, like before bed time.  Experts confirmed that we can 'REPROGRAM' that habit with other 'mind-clearing' activities.  This reminds me of a first-hand story I got that on one particular New Year's Eve several years ago, their family covered their windows with their bed mattresses and other covers and curtains because their father unequivocally declared that their 'ENEMY' will massacre their family that midnight of New Year's Eve.  To their surprise, it DIDN'T happen but till today, they CAN'T understand how their father ended up with that cocksure fears.  This is WHAT OVERTHINKING BRINGS US😖😖😖

Our Common Enemy

Our Common Enemy

Do you know that more than the global geo-political conflicts like U.S. versus China, Israel versus Hamas and so on, everyone of us share Our Common Enemy spelled E-G-O?  And surely, everyone of us were victims of our own EGO at some points in our past [if not at the present].  I also bear witness to people I know first hand who 'fell off the cliff' NOT because of anything else but due to their EGO💴💷💵

For alignment, let me quote this definition:  AN UNHEALTHY BELIEF IN OUR OWN IMPORTANCE.  ARROGANCE.  SELF-CENTERED AMBITION.  IT IS THAT PETULANT CHILD INSIDE EVERY PERSON, THE ONE THAT CHOOSES GETTING HIS OR HER WAY OVER ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE.  THE NEED TO BE BETTER THAN, MORE THAN, RECOGNIZED FOR, FAR PAST ANY REASONABLE UTILITY, THAT IS EGO, THAT SENSE OF SUPERIORITY THAT EXCEEDS THE BOUNDS OF CONFIDENCE AND TALENT'📌📌📌

Mother of ironies here, a three-letter word is defined in one long, circuitous paragraph.  So, why don't we hold the bull by its horns, what makes EGO our common enemy?

• It keeps us OUT OF TOUCH with reality
• It creates UNREALISTIC expectations
• It makes you DEPENDENT on external validation

Even the great Albert Einstein created this formula for our EGO.  Indeed, one of the biggest reasons why EGO is our own enemy is that it keeps you out of touch with reality.  Your EGO is WHAT prevents you from hearing critical BUT necessary feedback from others.  EGO makes you to over-estimate your own abilities and worth and correspondingly, under-estimate the effort and skill required to achieve your goals✅✅✅

All of this means that you lose touch with reality, and in the end, you will likely miss opportunities, whether it is to improve, to connect with others, and to achieve your goals.  Our takeaway?  Creating unrealistic expectations means that EGO makes you assume that you deserve some outcome, whether it's a job offer, a promotion, all because of your past efforts.  Let's RIGHT THE WRONGS this early, dude, because EGO IS OUR COMMON ENEMY❗❗❗

Adapt, Adjust, Accept, Full Stop.

Adapt, Adjust, Accept, Full Stop.

Adapt, Adjust, Accept, Full Stop.  My apologies if this is NOT the first time I am pitching for this one-liner [SIMPLY because this is my most fav one-liner] because I just WON'T slow down pushing and pitching for this because, in practical terms, I can attest to have successfully proven this tack many times in the past [till today] especially WHEN a shade of CHANGE creeps into the equation.  Unfortunately, I need to tie-up Adapt, Adjust, Accept.  Fyi, this is a bundled-in spiel that CAN'T be translated into a 'CUT and DRY' approach.  Let's consider to Adapt, Adjust, Accept💴💷💵

Oh, surely, everyone wants NO less than BLISSFULNESS in life.  BUT to reach that euphoric point in life requires tons of efforts exerted in the midst of CHANGE.  So, how do we roll-out this approach? First off, exert your best to Adapt to a new situation, be it WHEN settling down, WHEN parting ways, WHEN suddenly being jobless, WHEN in a new job📗📙📘

Now comes the hard part.  WHAT IF you CAN'T adapt to the recent CHANGE?  That is WHEN you endeavor to ADJUST.  Obviously, ADJUSTING is as easy as pronouncing BUT to execute it, it takes a lot of gumption to get into the ADJUST phase.  WHY?  You got to tweak things, prune things, shave off and many times, surrender some precious private space, as a modus vivendi📍📍📍

Thing is, the world NEVER stops changing and the only constant is CHANGE itself.  Whether it's a shift in your career, a twist in your personal life OR a 'shake up' in your daily routine, CHANGE is really inevitable.  BUT, it is NOT the CHANGE itself that defines us BUT it is HOW do we respond to it❗❗❗

In a NOT so pleasant but realistic scenario where you did all the tweaks and YET you failed to ADJUST, you are left with one last card, you need to get into that ACCEPTANCE phase.  ACCEPT the CHANGE but knock on wood, you still fail to ACCEPT the CHANGE, bail out, dude, bail out😡😡😡

The Most Common Thing Among The Top 16 Geniuses

The Most Common Thing Among The Top 16 Geniuses

RJ Andrews, a top data visualization expert and founder of INFO WE TRUST, an information graphic studio  company, drilled and diced across the 161 top geniuses of all time and filtered to get The Top 16 Geniuses.  And guess what is The Most Common Thing Among The Top 16 Geniuses.  NOT their successes.  NOT their trailblazing stories💴💷💵

Guess WHAT was the result of his research?  Except for Wolfgang Mozart, the other Top 15 Geniuses all shared one commonality and that is, every 24 hours, they all spent between seven to nine hours of sleep everyday.  Science tells us there's a VERY REAL connection between CREATIVITY and SLEEP😀😀😀

Often neglected [I am damn guilty of it for many years in the past], SLEEP is a vital component of every person's overall health and well-being.  SLEEP is important because it enables our body to repair and be fit and ready for another day.  Getting adequate SLEEP may also help prevent potential heart disease and illnesses that stretch out in duration❌❌❌

Something peculiar about the study is that it DIDN'T seem to matter whether they went to bed late and got up late OR went to bed early and got up early OR even had a SLEEP routine that can only be described as bizarre.  Honore de Balzac, the French novelist, apparently slept from 6pm to 1am and with an additional 90-minute nap at 8am.  Aside from the importance of SLEEP, what else can we learn from these top geniuses❔❔❔

NOT a surprise, Charles Darwin, the top genius best known for his contributions to Biology took three WALKS a day.  This research confirms that WALKING has benefits for mood and brain function, particularly if you do it in any sort of natural setting.  BTW, these Top Geniuses are aware of the 'DECISION FATIGUE', hence they are sticklers to their routines.  And that explains why Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs wore the same outfit everyday.  WHY?  It takes one daily decision out of the equation.  Meanwhile, should we take a page from that commonality of the Top Genius by sticking to seven to nine hours of SLEEP everyday❓❓❓

Reward Yourself, dude!

Reward Yourself, dude!

Heard or seen folks who grind and kick their ass whole-year-round, sometimes, reachable 24x7 even if he deserves to recoup that Melatonin we need to top-up?  I know quite a number way beyond my pair of hands.  Sadly, I hardly see them take a break and REWARD themselves.  BUT WHO am I to ask.  Reward Yourself, dude📗📙📘

Human nature runs this way.  You exert everything and dedicate your time for a task out of the ordinary.  Of course, you would hope for a reward, in whatever form, regardless of the monetary value.  It could even be a pat on the back, a commendation, a promotion, a pay increase, even gift certificates🎉🎉🎉

After all, it is human nature that UNTIL and UNLESS we truly see the results of WHAT we did accomplish, our mind does NOT set itself in the proper form and keep self-motivated.  So, WHEN you show more productivity at work [a.k.a. EXTRA MILE], you expect the reward in the form you feel that is commensurate and just just😁😁😁

Sometimes, though, we get mixed up, mixing CRAVINGS ands REWARDS but they are worlds apart, dude.  Similarly, WHEN you start eating healthy OR exercising regularly, you expect your body weight to reduce.  However, these REWARDS take time.  Since then, it has been practically impossible to keep oneself that self-motivated✅✅✅

Now, WHAT's our takeaway?  Set a REWARD before you commence working on that task OR deliverable.  Typically, your work might start at 9 a.m. and it finishes at 5 p.m., that normal 9-5 work.  Then you start asking yourself, "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO AS A REWARD FOR YOURSELF AFTER YOUR EFFORT TODAY?"  Thing is, DON'T treat yourself as an enemy BUT like family, like your own.  REWARD YOURSELF, dude when you deserve it❗❗❗

Can We Dump Our FEARS?

Can We Dump Our FEARS?

Can We Dump Our FEARS?  Tough task.  Tough ask.  That's a tough question, dude.  WHY?  Because there's a long list of fears and that list gets stretched if we include all the kinds of phobias.  And you'll be surprised, just for the phobias, there is a 500-long list [as per the Phobia List Website].  So, we DON'T want to get waylaid into that mile-long list of phobias BUT instead focus on the three main fears namely, ABANDONMENT, FAILURE and DEATH.  And we'll take all these up shortly but the quick ASK now.  What triggers most our FEARs📗📙📘

Allow me please to piggy-back on this cover by Jane Wong, a noted Chinese-American poet.  And I'd like to give my 2-cents here and I firmly believe that the common trigger of our FEARS boils down to a 2-word thing spelled W-H-A-T  I-F.  WHAT IF I pursue that course and I fail to hurdle the State Board Exam?  WHAT IF I immigrate but struggle to find a decent job there?  WHAT IF I marry her and I end up with responsibilities way beyond my capacity?  WHAT IF I accept that job offer but fail to 'deliver the goods'?  WHAT IF I invest in stocks and I lose my investment instead?  WHAT IF I buy myself a comprehensive medical insurance but I would hardly get sick, so how can I recoup my payments?  WHAT IF I order online but the product is inferior!@#$?

We can go on and on and do we agree that the common culprit [at least in the above examples] are all the WHAT IFs!@#$?  So, how can we expect someone to really make a move and make a decision and execute that decision if he/she gets hampered with all these WHAT IFs.  We're NOT making a 180-degree turn here and disown WHAT IFs because in a bit, I'll clarify as to when should we invoke WHAT IFs📌📌📌

So, before I get pounced, WHEN do we invoke WHAT IFs?  It is when we are going through a FEASIBILITY or PLANNING exercise wherein we inject all the WHAT IFs.  This is the appropriate perspective for the WHAT IFs as you go through that iteration cycle and come up with the best optimal option.  BUT for us to invoke WHAT IFs each time we are in the middle of taking action or making a move, I'm afraid that will be akin to ANALYSIS PARALYSIS❎❎❎

Instead, we'd like to encourage everyone that while there is no 'silver bullet' solution in handling our FEARS, let us increase both our awareness and our consciousness that if our WHAT IFs gets stretched, how far can we 'nip in the bud' when FEAR starts creeping❓❓❓

Never FORCE Yourself To Use FORCE

Never FORCE Yourself To Use FORCE

Never FORCE Yourself To Use FORCE.  We would often hear that as a reminder to the police and the army personnel BUT did we ever hear that REMINDER to every layman like us?  I can't remember, NOT even once.  But early today, I overheard an American retiree sharing her words of wisdom in FB.  And that woke me up [too late though] to realize that one too many conflicts in life did and do happen because at least one party 'FORCED' his way💴💷💵

Let's walk back down our respective 'MEMORY LANES' and let's recall.  WHERE there time times in the past when you seemed to FORCE your very opinionated side on others?  OR was it WHEN you FORCED your preferred option as the way to go without securing the concurrence/consent of the other party?  OR was there a time you wanted to go 'malling' OR shopping but your partner/spouse gave you a cold shoulder and YET, you still FORCED your way there?  OR remember that brainstorming at work WHEN you were at loggerheads with your colleague and without getting their BUY-IN, you still went ahead❌❌❌

BTW, getting someone's BUY-IN is a must-do and must-have even in circumstances and situations WHEN/WHERE you're kind of 'calling the shots'.  You might challenge me, WHY do we need to get the BUY-IN to your initiative at work if it happens you are the manager OR leader?  Simple answer.  To execute that proposition, WON'T you need other team members?  Their 'arms and legs?  Their cooperation?  Their collective effort?  And even assuming you can do everything on your own without them, HOW does it feel if you did it without their BUY-IN❔❔❔

OR everything is ALL IN THE FAMILY.  A common example, here you are, having a modest amount to budget for a new home appliance and your preference is for a premium audio system while your spouse/partner wants to upgrade her washing machine from that top-load model to a front-load one and doubling the capacity [because of your family's needs].  Alas, you went ahead and bought that audio system.  WHAT happens next, we all know, right❓❓❓

Our takeaway for today?  Getting BUY-IN for ideas is essential step whether at your home with your family, at work or even in your entrepreneurial forays.  Securing the BUY-IN ensures that everyone is part of the decision-making and getting alignment and even incorporate objections and/or feedback before rolling out you or your idea.  Thing is, NEVER FORCE YOURSELF TO USE FORCE❗❗❗

When Elephants Fight, The Grass Suffers

When Elephants Fight, The Grass Suffers

When Elephants Fight, The Grass Suffers.  WHAT a proverb indeed and Mr Google defines this as 'WHEN POWERFUL FORCES GO TO WAR, IT'S THEIR PEOPLE WHO ARE HURT.  THOSE WO NEVER ASKED FOR THE CONFLICT IN THE FIRST PLACE ARE CAUGHT, AND KILLED, IN THE CROSSFIRE'.  Well said and instantly, I can relate countless life scenarios.  At home.  At work.  In business.  In local and geo-politics.  Or literally speaking, even out there in the wilderness, when animals end up in a fight like this💥💥💥

Allow me to share this poster I grabbed from Dr Cai Yiming, one of Singapore's most respected experts in Psychiatry and Emeritus Consultant at Singapore's Child Guidance Clinic.  Honestly, my eyeballs almost dropped when I stumbled across Dr Yiming's book cover because this picture speaks a zillion words.  Everyone can relate to this, across cultures, across generations, across economic strata.  WHEN couples fight [and worse, end up in a standoff, and worst, end up in that scary acrimonious fight], guess WHO else gets 'caught' in the midst of crossfires.  More often, the casualty are the 'innocent bystanders'.  Pitiful indeed😶😶😶

Let's take a sneak preview of those corporate wars happening [sometimes outside their board rooms].  Imagine those cage fights between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg.  Who says that their rivalry is just a skirmish?  God knows, when the dust settles, what will be the ramifications NOT just to their respective business agenda but to us consumers❕❕❕

And as much as we DON'T expect those business rivalries to show any signs of slowing down and simmer down anytime now, we WON'T spend time in the business space.  Instead, let's zoom in down to our domestic situations.  True, couples argue and many times, those tiffs lead to a full-blown quarrel and when emotions 'skyrocket', WHAT else to expect than that 'full blown' war [maybe at a less magnitude [OF COURSE] than the raging war between Israel and the Hamas factions in Palestine.  Picture out a very messy scenario WHEN expletives are hurled back and forth, and WHEN it DOESN'T seem to be enough, objects are literally flying [I had an ex-colleague who confided that twice he had to replace his theater-wide LCD]❎❎❎

Now, let's make things murkier.  WHAT IF the protagonists are physically 10,000 miles apart and yet a quarrel starts.  Imagine all-out conflagrations happening virtually.  And when children get squeezed amidst the crossfires, God knows what happens next.  So, WHEN ELEPHANTS FIGHT, THE GRASS SUFFERS😕😕😕

Can $$$$$$ Buy Happiness?

Can $$$$$$ Buy Happiness?

Can $$$$$$ Buy Happiness?  Surely we are all on the same side and scream NO WAY!  BUT even philosophers, economists and social scientists have all grappled with this question and recent studies produced results overturning that dominant MYTH that went through centuries.  BUT a recent study in the United States pegged those studies to the financial capabilities of respondents and it showed that when their income did hit $75,000, their joy was leveling out📗📙📘

This threshold was initially posited in a 2010 study which concluded that 'EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING' also rises with log income BUT there is NO further progress beyond an annual income of $75,000.  BUT that study was most recently overturned by another most recent study which found that HAPPINESS does NOT plateau at all after $75,000 and that 'experienced well-being' can continue to rise with income well beyond $200,000.  To be realistic, that latest research was pitted against earlier studies and adjusted to reflect inflation📌📌📌

Those conflicting studies was interesting enough because each debunked each other BUT ending up with two BIG conclusions, namely:  First, that HAPPINESS continues to rise with income even in the high range of incomes for the vast majority, showing that for many of us, on average having more money can make us increasingly HAPPIER.  BUT the study also found that there was indeed an 'UNHAPPY MINORITY' whose UNHAPPINESS diminishes with rising income up to a certain threshold, then shows NO progress thereafter😊😊😊

Studies showed that people tend to experience negative miseries that typically CAN'T be alleviated by earning more $$$$$$$$.  Apparently, outliers like heartache, bereavement OR clinical depression were triggers of outliers BUT it did NOT alter their conclusions❌❌❌

What's my take here?  Regardless if $$$$ can buy HAPPINESS or not, let us develop that mindset that our HAPPINESS does NOT hinge on $$$$ at all.  If monies will flow in, it's 'manna from heaven' BUT if the coffers have dried up, that should NOT be a trigger to reverse the upswing of our HAPPINESS at all❗❗❗