How Habits Shape Up

How Habits Shape Up

Back in high school, once I was in a heated but healthy debate with my classmate who insisted that HABITS are inherited and/or replicated from within families.  At one point of our exchange, he did score a point when he amplified that a lazy parent may develop a similarly lazy child.  Or a violent parent will lead a child to be a violent.  So, at one point I did struggle how to counter back what my strong belief How Habits Shape Up

Not until I managed to regroup myself and started to explain that actions repeated over time gradually become HABITS, with a curious life of its own.  Of course, not all HABITS are developed mindfully.  Some HABITS develop unconsciously from internal or external stress.  These tend to be negative or 'maladaptive' HABITS. 

So, how are HABITS really formed?  That question of HABIT formation canbe approached from a perspective or a more subjective and experiential one.  PASSIVE HABITS arise from exposure to things we eventually get used to whereas ACTIVE HABITS are those we develop by repeated intention and efforts.

HABITS as skills can also be seen as a springboard to creativity.  Based on what we can habitually do, we reach new heights as when a jazz musician ingrains the playing of a basic melody then later improvises new and adventurous notes on top of the original theme.  Let's go back that time when we first learned to tie our shoes, the attempts are quite conscious and effortful.  As you practice this skill, it becomes a HABIT.

Another key aspect to habit formation is positive reinforcement or reward.  For an activity to become a HABIT, it helps if it's NOT only repeated often but also positively reinforced.  For those of us who are stuck [till now?], it shouldn't take too much effort to sit down, soul-search and [MAYBE] face the mirror and once for all, cast out and cast off any of our HABITS that are beating us down, drowning us down.  Time to wake up dude❗❗❗

Of BELLS & WHISTLES

Of BELLS & WHISTLES

Is this worth our talking point today?  Of BELLS & WHISTLES?  Me thinks this is a topic that has gone so cold and unnoticed because on the surface, it seems mundane and probably one of the most boring topics ever.  But hold on.  How often do we see BELLS & WHISTLES?  We ourselves how often do we hang BELLS & WHISTLES at various points in our life?

Whether during our growing up years going into early adulthood till we found our footing to be on our own, do we not recall those moments where we need to put up all the niceties in life, those trimmings, those buntings, all to spruce up things and for us or our situation to look more alluring and probably attractice beyond doubt?  

To evoke pomp and come up with pompous events, those BELLS & WHISTLES were the very tools we wpuld tend to grab first.  When we were fresh graduates from school and now job hunting out there in the market, do we remember all the BELLS & WHISTLES we would attach in our CV/Resume to window-dress it?  Which BTW is nothing wrong.  But the issue is often clouded deep beyond our eyes.

The saddest part though is that after all the BELLS & WHISTLES and trimmings we would window-dress either our persona, our character or our life itself, deep inside are SKELETONS in the CLOSET.  Really sad and regrettable.  We would sometimes put up a happy facade but beneath the surface, we are either decaying or not reflective of what we are trying to project.  So what's our lesson here?  Let's be GENUINE and TRUE to ourselves regardless if there are BTW, BELLS & WHISTLES.  Just DON'T put up a farcical facade📌📌📌

Oversized EGO, Anyone?

Oversized EGO, Anyone?

Oversized EGO, Anyone?  But hold on.  Let us look back.  How many conflicts and quarrels that were NOT resolved, all because of EGO?  How many battles and war just spiraled out of control because of EGO?  How many relationships eventually floundered all because of EGO?  How many business enterprises eventually went for bankruptcy simply because of the oversized EGO of the entrepreneur?

People with large egos can be difficult to deal with whether in personal relationships  or in business.  Signs of a BIG EGO include high self-confidence, blindness to personal flaws, focus on oneself instead of others and difficulty seeing other points of view.  Others may find such a person's egotism an annoying trait.  It's worth noting, however, that egotistical behavior does not necessarily indicate narcissism because that is more of a personality disorder instead.

Bragging, boasting and exaggerating accomplishments are common giveaways as well.  Someone with a BIG EGO may be a very skilled person but it's when self-confidence tips into self-absorption that such egotistical behavior can become annoying to others.  Often, people with BIG EGOs are thinking about themselves to the exclusion of others and worse, they need to be reminded to tone down their behavior.  Part of self-confidence is a blindness to one's own FLAWS.  Someone who has a BIG EGO might not be able to see how he/she is impacting others.

According to Harvard Business Review, alpha males tend to have BIG EGOs.  As a result, alpha males tend to have a hard time asking for help or accepting feedback, thinking that they always know best.  Someone with a BIG EGO may have a hard time showing vulnerability and therefore refuse to admit any flaws.  A relationship of trust and communication is required before someone with a BIG EGO can become vulnerable.

A person with a BIG EGO will naturally find himself interesting and tend to focus on himself more than others.  Egotistical people take care of themselves first, making sure they have everything that they want even if it creates disadvantages to others.   Bottom line is, although we can't avoid Oversized EGO, we should be able to handle them before they handle us❗❗❗

Tough To Say 'NO', Is It ?

Tough To Say 'NO', Is It ?

Do you have a hard time saying NO?  Don't hesitate. Here's the truth:  Saying NO is indeed hard.  Let's admit it.  There are ways to say NO but either we feel awkward or just afraid to hurt feelings or relationships.  And sometimes, we're avoiding that GUILT feeling.  But the mother of all question is:  Is it really that Tough To Say 'NO', Is It ?

But with that mindset that indeed it is Tough To Say 'NO', what has that brought up in us?  Problems popping up when there should be none in the first place.  Personal pressure from within, for us to resolve an issue that should not be there in the first place.  Averting a financial crisis because you didn't say 'NO' to an earlier ASK is unacceptable.

Not to save face here, I used to face that recurring dilemma wherein indeed it was damn Tough To Say 'NO'.  Out of pity.  Out from the soft spots in our heart.  Out from our inability to withstand the pressure that envelopes around us.  In some local settings, if you turn down and say NO, the local community will looked down upon you.  And from a self-serving mindset, you would get worried 'WHAT IF I NEED HELP' in the future, to whom will I turn to?

Ok, let's go for the proven hacks to overcome that plight of saying NO.  First off, you DON'T have to jump straight and say NO.  How about saying NO much later?  And why not craft this default reply:  LET ME GET BACK TO YOU.  Other proven safe clauses are:  LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE AND GET BACK TO YOU.  Or I'LL HAVE TO ASK MY SPOUSE IF WE HAVE ANYTHING GOING ON LATER.  Or  THAT'S A NICE SUGGESTION BUT LET ME THINK FIRST.  Or GREAT, LET ME SEE IF I END UP WORK EARLY SO WE CAN CATCH UP.  Seriously, adopting any of those responses should NOT be that tough, right?

Now sharing this poster though.  These are polite but definitely firm responses.  And more importantly, you will NOT end up in a bind for any of these responses because it shuts off any probability of you yourself giving in and caving in to undue pressure.  And if it is at the workplace, you can ask people to email or send you an SMS [because it is ten times easier saying NO either via SMS or email].  If it's a close friend asking favor, give an acceptable 'counter offer'.  Here's a caveat though.  DON'T and DON'T rely on your 'LATERS' forever.  And just DON'T lie.  Once your 'LATERS; are all used up, saying 'LATER' again can just cause you to seem untrustworthy in the long run.   So, it's NOT that TOUGH TO SAY NO, no sirrrrrs❗❗❗ 

Thinking Things Through

Thinking Things Through

Hey, is this a good talking point today?  Me thinks it is.  Thinking Things Through is something that is VERY OFTEN glossed over [and to be brutally frank, IGNORED] by many of us.  During your school days when you would receive a tongue-lashing from your parent, did you ever Think Things Through?  I doubt it.  When you and your partner/spouse were having differences of opinions and you proceeded to do it things your way, did you ever Think Things Through?  When your entrepreneurial forays was hitting its rough patches and you were advised to re-look at things, did you ever Think Things Through?

That's the sad part.  Sometimes, we [wrongly] believe so much in ourselves.  You would even blurt out "I KNOW, RIGHT?" Yes you knew it but how cocksure are you that what you knew then was right?  Or did you just believe so much in yourself that you CAN'T go wrong?  Or was it your ego or pride that prevailed over yourself such that you did not even give a lip service to Think Things Through.  When a couple is hitting rough patches and they yell in unison, 'GO TO HELL', did they ever Think Things Through 

But to be fair, sometimes it is NOT our ego or pride that prevails over us but instead our honest and sheer desire to take and make swift decisions because situations will call for it.  And honestly, I went through those turmoils many times in the past and GUESS WHAT?  Many times I fell flat on my face, seriously.  Why?  Because in haste I wanted to finish things off in a whiff but oblivious of the fact that the risk of making ill-fated decisions just goes up significantly.  Why?  Precisely because during those times, we hardly Think Things Through 

So where's our fix?  Akin to watering and nurturing the plants and flowers, can we assiduously take care of ourselves exactly in that same fashion?  Because only then can we polish and develop and enhance our wisdom to be more learned, more thorough and just less vulnerable to committing one faux pas after another, no thanks because we must have forgotten to Think Things Through 

So, regardless how the clouds are gloomy.  Regardless if it may be like zero-visibility that denies an aircraft to land on the strip.  Despite the murky waters around your circumstance.  We just should NOT and can NOT miss out to Think Things Through because that's all that matters most in our decision-making.  And knock on wood if you end up with an ill-advised decision, the next words you would spew out of your frustrated self will be reflective of compunction, contrition, guilt, remorse and maybe an endless loop of regret all because you miss out to Think Things Through✅✅✅

Optics Matter

Optics Matter

Today's piece has got nothing to do with optical or optometrists but instead, let's discuss about as to why in our life, why does Optics Matter.  What people see.  How they see it.  What happens right before their eyes.  How things transpire right in our naked eyes.  All those are inputs which people will draw out before they arrive at conclusions and judgments.  Truth is, many times, the conclusions and judgments of people about us could either be wrong, skewed, slanted or altogether wrong but do we fault and blame them when in real life, Optics Matter.  And what they can bear witness, what they saw and the can attest with their naked eyes all will lead towards one's conclusion.

We all agree that for visions less than 20/20, things are blurry not until they wear those indispensable spectacles.  So we can't blame people once they get to be bespectacled, things become crystal clear and and once they draw conclusions, trust me, that gets embedded and cast in stone. All because Optics Matter.

And even from afar. people can draw conclusions, no thanks to those binoculars.  I really cannot blame people from sometimes ending up with conclusions that are less than 100% accurate. Why?  Because we acted in ways that drew a different perspective.  Because we manifested behaviors that were not aligned with what is the TRUTH.  And worst, we blurted out words that reaffirmed the very Optics which all Matters.

Now let's play scenarios.  What if we are NOT transparent.  We are NOT expressive.  We DON'T 'walk the talk'.  What if we come out vague and ambiguous?  What could be the end result?  People will still draw out conclusions and judgments about us but either they will [accurately] judge us as either vague or ambiguous OR worst, they will end up with totally inaccurate conclusions all because Optics Matter.

So, to drastically lower the probability of us being wrongly judged, be YOURSELF, be TRANSPARENT, be TRUTHFUL.  Let us NOT send 'mixed signals, saying one thing but doing another thing. Where possible, avoid words or actions where you will be misconstrued.  And for the mother of all NO-NO's, never look HAPPY when you're SAD, never look PLEASED if you're DISPLEASED because Optics Matter❗❗❗

When Things Get BAD

When Things Get BAD

No sirrrrs, we're not manifesting paranoia here but this is just to accept the harsh realities of life wherein sometimes When Things Get BAD, things can get really very UGLY.  Of course, there are outliers wherein a BAD situation sometimes does a turnaround for the better but by and large, many BAD situations really get us buried deep in the mud.  And what's the confirmed recovery rate when things turn BAD?  Oh, studies confirm it's really BAD.

If you ask me to look back those years when my situation was that BAD, I have to [sadly] admit that many things i remained stuck in the mud for quite sometime. And my woes didn't end there.  Why?  Because, things turned from BAD to WORSE [and sometimes to WORST] before I was able to extricate myself out from that treacherous mud.

Not to scare, this poster is NOT meant to scare but this is the harsh reality.  Everything really that is BAD is in effect the WORST problem.  But if it does not look WORST, it's because things have yet to turn from BAD to WORST. What's our most common mistake?  It is when we are just shrugging our shoulders when confronted with a problem.  Why?  Because many of us [wrongly] look at BAD situations as NOT THAT BAD and while positive attitudes like that are laudable, please DON'T fool yourself by just looking at the side of things when you get hit.

Think of the chameleon.  They can surface in different colors.  That's how problems can be like chameleons. Many times our problems DO NOT surface like a problem.  In fact, sometimes, problems will surface as good tidings, as good news when in fact there's nothing GOOD in it except that it appears like a chameleon.  So, to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

So, what are our lifehacks for today's piece?  DON'T ignore problems.  DON'T underestimate challenges.  DON'T belittle the bumps and humps.  DON'T hope things will turn from BAD to GOOD without lifting your fingers, no sirrrrs.  DON'T be that positive to expect that BAD situations will maintain it's status quo because problems never go on a standstill.  Either things will go NORTH or SOUTH, never remain levelled.  Not wishful thinking but we hope that everyone of us will be on their toes and even 'nip in the bud' at the slightest hint that things are BAD because we DON'T want things to turn UGLY✅✅✅
 

It's YOUR CHOICE

It's YOUR CHOICE

Allow me please to quote this poster verbatim because it says a mouthful but if I were to compressed it with brevity, I'd say.... It's YOUR CHOICE.  Studies have shown that 70% of the time, what happens to our life is a consequence of OUR CHOICE[s].  You're blessed to be attending a good school because your parents chose to send you the best school possible.  If your school is not a top-tier one, it was likely your parents' choice.

Why do we hear repeating stories of drug couriers waiting for execution in Singapore or in Indonesia who are dead serious in implementing their drug laws?  Simple.  Those drug couriers ended up that way because twas their CHOICE,  Why do we hear about despicable gang rapes in India?  Likely it's because a foreigner-backpacker decided to explore India within areas which were hitherto NO MAN'S LAND even to local Indians.

When I was at the crossroads, squeeze by utter cultural shock during my first months of stay in Singapore, it was my CHOICE to be there in the first place.  And when I was struggling with the sizzling hot weather in Hyderabad, India, it was my CHOICE to be there in the first place.  For those in the lower strata of society where couples are struggling to feed countless mouths in their family, it was their CHOICE to have those out-sized families despite their daily financial woes.

All these will boil down to this triage between our THOUGHTS, our FEELINGS and our ACTIONS.  This is the vicious cycle we are all caught and squeezed in between.  And where does these all lead us to?  It's to the consequence of our CHOICE.  Desist from a thought or a feeling, I guarantee that you will be deviated from a consequence ahead.

How can we avert a doomed ending?  Let's revisit our thought processes that lead us to our CHOICEs. This is no rocket science.  It's basic and logical thinking.  Weigh down each option, compare options based on apples-to-apples, then take on that option that ends up with the upper hand.  NEVER decide based on impulses and emotion because it is really YOUR CHOICE❗❗❗

How Difficult is it to FOCUS on CONTROLLABLE Things?

How Difficult is it to FOCUS on CONTROLLABLE Things?

Is this worth our 'talking point' today? How difficult is it to FOCUS on CONTROLLABLE Things? Supposedly this is a non-issue because it is jaw-dropping to hear us not being able to FOCUS on CONTROLLABLE Things but trust me, this is not an evolving story but instead, this is a story that gets to repeat itself over and over again.  Look around.  Could be your close coterie of friends.  Could be your relatives.  Could be your business associates.  Look around.  You'll be surprised to see some of us struggling to FOCUS on CONTROLLABLE things.

C'mon, let's clear up this murky situation. Do we really have a problem to FOCUS on CONTROLLABLE Things?  Or is the issue more of figuring things out if we are in control or NOT?  WHAT IF as a student, your academic performance is going down on a spiral?  WHAT IF at the workplace, you have been called for repeated one-on-one's?

Let's sneak into the airplane cockpit.  Did we notice that regardless of the number of times the svelte and alluring flight attendants would knock and walk-in to the cockpit, the pilots remain as 'cool as a cucumber', so focused in the multifarious tasks they are performing and/or monitoring.  What makes them very revered and respected?  It's simply because they have proven they can FOCUS on any and all of the CONTROLLABLE Things.

Whereas, once the pilot senses that he is losing control of any of the triggers and/or events within the behavior of the airplane, the more they will deep-dive to dissect and figure out why previously CONTROLLABLE Things now look seemingly UNCONTROLLABLE.  But when do things get murkier?  It is when we non-pilots suddenly seem to have our life going down on a spiral simply because we are losing FOCUS on CONTROLLABLE Things

Now, do we feel overwhelmed sometimes?  C'mon, we got to FOCUS on the CONTROLLABLEs.   First off, we need to realize that we live in a 'VUCA' world a world full of VOLATILITY, UNCERTAINTY, COMPLEXITY and AMBIGUITY.  For entrepreneurs,, the business landscape is just too volatile and increasingly competitive and over the long term, it may be unpredictable.  It may seem on the surface to be a hostile landscape for anyone who wishes to start or build a business as there are so many shifting variables.  So, let's not believe that it is that difficult to focus on controllable things, NOT AT ALL❗❗❗

The 'BEST VERSION' of YOU

The 'BEST VERSION' of YOU

Question:  Do you know The 'BEST VERSION' of YOU?  Surely you would quickly blurt out, 'OF COURSE'.  But in reality, many of us DO NOT know as to what is our BEST VERSION.  And why do we not know our BEST VERSION? Easy.  Because we really DON'T care.  We just DON'T give it a damn.  Why?  Because we are so cocky and confident that we know our BEST VERSION

But honestly, many of us are oblivious of our BEST VERSION because whatever we are at the very moment, we will [falsely] claim that we already know our very own BEST VERSION but this is detestable.  If we [wrongly] know as to what is our BEST VERSION, how can we ever improve ourselves by a notch or two when we are, seriously, fooling ourselves, falsely believing that we are that good, that perfect, that too optimized and efficient no less❓❓❓

So, what else do we expect from ourselves if we are so drowned and damn impressed that indeed we are now at our BEST VERSION.  I've seen students in the past who were garnering honors and the parents never got tired appreciating their children.  And that led the poor children to think that they can just sit on their laurels.  So what and where do they end up?  Before they will realize it, they would be likely become the laggards in the rat race, eating the dust of the leaders .  Indeed, what a sad turnaround of things.

Oh, when you realize that you are already at your BEST VERSION, what else will motivate you?  Nada, nothing, zilch.  But the sadder fact about that kind of plight is the fact that the person didn't really mean to be at the doldrums but not to his choice, he is savoring the moments when he would hear that he is that good.  So, why do success stories quickly turn around into classic stories of collapse?  It's because people got so drunk with all the positives heaped all around him.  But did he ever validate those positives being heaped on him?  Hell no.  That's our dilemma, seriously.  We want to see and hear what we want while turning blind on everything else.

As everyone wants to become the BEST VERSION of themselves. but few actually do it.  We're our own worst enemies when it comes to achieving success, chasing our dreams, and living a life that's filled with passion and purpose.  Some of us even end up as self-destructive without realizing it, and others are conscious of the fact but lack the tools or knowledge in order to improve.  But no matter who you are, find your BEST VERSION