Are You Into 'PEOPLE-PLEASING'?

 

Are you into PEOPLE-PLEASING?  For alignment, WHAT exactly is a PEOPLE-PLEASER?  By definition, that's typically someone everyone considers helpful and kind [and supposedly, there's NOTHING wrong with that].  WHEN we need help [WHETHER at work OR in any undertaking], the PEOPLE-PLEASER will always be more than willing to step up, even if it means he/she has to 'move mountains'.  Just IF ever you see yourself somehow in the above-mentioned definitions, you may be a PEOPLE-PLEASER.  BUT at some point, constantly making yourself available to others can take a huge toll on you, NOT just emotionally BUT even physically if that means your physical presence [even remotely]📗📙📘

The mother of all worst implications and ramifications, you may even find yourself to be neglecting your very own needs because you simply fear disappointing others WHEN they ask for your help.  I guess WHAT's interesting here are the tell-tale signs that someone is indeed a PEOPLE-PLEASER.  True, it's one thing to want to help others because it's part of your nature.  BUT PEOPLE-PLEASERs often end up being taken advantage of by others.  This is a FACT no less📌📌📌

SO HOW?  HOW can we nip things in the bud? 

• CHANGING personality like a chameleon
• YOUR WORTH on how others would see you
• NOT being able to say NO - even if you want to
• APOLOGIZING even WHEN you're NOT at fault
• AGREEING to get their admiration and NOT because you believe on it

To be frank, NOT all PEOPLE-PLEASERS are motivated to be as such due to their ulterior motives.  Some eventually would eventually develop that PEOPLE-PLEASER habit because of circumstances, like any of the following:

• In some cultures, being the youngest or one of the youngest amongst the siblings, they are expected to be acquiescing until it becomes PEOPLE-PLEASING
• In some circumstances, someone is staying in a home NOT by his/her immediate family.  That situation then leads someone to be a PEOPLE-PLEASER
• PEOPLE-PLEASING out of reciprocity [e.g. favor]

Our takeaway:  Generally, being a PEOPLE-PLEASER never happens overnight.  Instead, it is molded and developed, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes NOT premeditated.  SO HOW?  It is imperative that we 'police' our own, being mindful WHEN tell-tale signs show that we are succumbing to that PEOPLE-PLEASER syndrome because that's the last thing we want for you to be, dude😌😌😌

Breakthroughs Are The Best Things In Life

 

BREAKTHROUGHs are the best things to happen in our life.  BUT WHAT makes BREAKTHROUGHS like an enigma, so elusive to have in life.  Several times in the past, I did bear witness to people WHO placed all their marbles on that very optimistic hope that a BREAKTHROUGH will happen soon, IF NOT next day.  BUT alas, I was flabbergasted because I CAN'T fathom HOW can they anticipate such a BREAKTHROUGH to be happening📗📙📘

So, do you want your life to be better come next month, OR next semester OR even come next year?  And then for it to get even better the next year?  Funny BUT NOT so funny WHEN a new year is turning up around the corner and everyone is busy with their new year's resolutions, setting goals and even 'dreaming' to be changing habits.  BUT for many of us, there is a better way we can improve our life💚💛💜

WHAT better way we can take so that it can take less effort alongside a higher upside for a leap-ahead progress.  It's actually fun and it can add a sense of adventure to our day-to-day life.  True, there's nothing wrong with resolutions, goals OR habits  BUT those approaches are at best incomplete and that contributes to them often being ineffective.  In fact, sometimes they are limiting by keeping us so focused on the details that we miss the big picture of HOW life really works📌📌📌

YET, we can't be blamed for hungering for those BREAKTHROUGHS, that dramatic discovery OR development that changes our life significantly for the better.  Sometimes they come upon us unexpectedly BUT we can find them more readily if we choose to look for them.  Too often in our heads-down pursuit of self-help and do-it-yourself improvement, we tend to lose sight of the sense that life is meant to be an adventure.  We can reclaim that sense of wonder by searching for 'epiphanies' as well as miracles❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  YES, we all yearn for something more, something better.  BUT if we pause to think about it, we may notice that there are things we deeply desire OR dream about and we may NOT know HOW to go about finding them.  OR, worse, we can choose to disregard that desire and then get by with the angst of that yearning, and cover it up with that "busy-ness'.  YES, been there, done that.  I had my share of faux pas in the past WHEN that expected BREAKTHROUGH didn't materialize, I [wrongly] thought I can just move on and redirect my focus on something else.  The worse mistake I committed then was that, instead of focusing and fixing my 'big miss', I entirely avoided it and started to focus on new goals only to realize that skipping and avoiding that 'big miss' only exacerbated my situation.  YES, BREAKTHROUGHS ARE THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE [BUT we got to double-triple our efforts to increase our chances of achieving it]😃😃😃

Those Writings On The Wall

In human relationships, I always believe that the medium that facilitates everything is that WALL where communications and interactions would bounce from one direction to another.  Even amongst the closest friends ever, there is always that WALL that is omnipresent, enough for either parties be given a heads-up of a developing thread.  WHETHER we talk about couples, boss and subordinate, mentor and mentee, buyer and seller, landlord and tenant, employer and employee, at some point, either OR both parties need to be cognizant enough of Those Writings On The Wall.   As NOT all words are spoken out, this is WHEN THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL would matter most📗📙📘

One popular retort I would receive was this:  WHAT IF no one cares about THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL?  Good question.  Good grief though.  Because if that is the case, all parties will be IN for surprises along the way.  WHAT's risk is that NOT all surprises are akin to good tidings.  In fact, I believe a plurality of THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL are tell-tale signs enough to give us a heads-up💥💥💥

I remember someone WHO I knew up close.  He had a knack to initiate startup businesses.  From the time he ignites his engines, all of his car's cylinders are ON FIRE.  So far so good.  UNTIL days came WHEN his business' sales turnover was 'going south' even in the coming weeks.  YET, he turned a blind eye to those WRITINGS ON THE WALL.  Instead, he ramped up his recruitment with new staff getting onboarded.  BUT the bigger question was:  Can he handle his payroll yet???

UNTIL one day, he had to close shop because his startup business was 'bleeding', so to speak.  WHEN things happened that quick in one fell swoop, I asked myself:  Did he see OR read THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL?  That was despicable to say the least because I saw all the sacrifices and efforts he exerted for his startup business to launch smoothly BUT WHEN he slowly delegated tasks to someone NOT capable and competent enough to handle such responsibilities, I thought he DIDN'T READ THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  NEVER MISS THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL because missing it means like pushing you from the tip of the cliff over to the cliff, plunging hundreds of feet deep.  Had you become aware of those WRITINGS ON THE WALL, maybe you could have taken a concrete approach to face the real score.  YES dude, THOSE WRITINGS ON THE WALL matter most😊😊😊

No One Wants To Disappear Into The Abyss

WHO wants to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS?  NO one wants that to happen, right?  BUT much as very few will admit at all, how often do we become aware of people we know WHO, deep inside, seems wanting to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS?  Common triggers?  Some of us seem to live a life with a lack of purpose and meaning.  True, a life of mediocritycan feel meaningless, like just going through the motions without a deeper purpose OR satisfying goals.  OR at times, even as we are all nursing for growth and progress in life, things get stunted OR stalled.  LIKE we fail to develop our full potentials, leading to a life that remains static📗📙📘

And sometimes, FEAR itself creeps through our life.  And while mediocrity is often rooted in fear, WHEN things skid down south, the FEARs of failure and rejection would, in the end, seem to prevent us from taking risks OR exploring new opportunities.  Too bad though, WHEN mediocrity becomes a telling factor in our life, it behooves that we dig up for the probable root cause and sometimes, it boils down to those 'shallow' relationships as it draws us off track!!!

More often though, from my own reflections through my life journey, I do bear witness to comfort and complacency that tend to portend bleak outcomes WHEN people would prefer to remain in that 'lukewarm' state WHERE they feel that they DON'T need to change OR strive for something more.  Regrettable indeed BUT for zillion times, I've been sharing with my close friends that WHAT is very 'key' for one to be on the right track to achieve his goals would heavily hinge on his 'TAKEOFF' in life.  Regardless of one's societal standing, once you position yourself at the runway for your takeoff [in life], your 'TAKEOFF' will tell us how high OR how high far will your cruising altitude will be💥💥💥

Long story short, if we DON'T want to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS, can we flip things and look at this from a positive perspective?  LIKE WHAT?  LIKE embracing growth because a life of purpose involves striving for personal growth, learning and developing one's full capabilities.  LIKE taking action because escaping mediocrity requires us to take those calculated risks and exerting efforts to seek out opportunities for our growth and progress.  LIKE finding meaning to focus on ideas that will lead us to deeper connections with more meaningful existence💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  Despite the stretch of roads we need to traverse, for us NOT to DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS, first things first, let's embed deep within us that that you will never end up DISAPPEARING INTO THE ABYSS.  With that focused mindset, trust me, you will be strong enough to weather the storms to overcome those humps and roadblocks as long as you remain steadfast NOT TO DISAPPEAR INTO THE ABYSS😡😡😡

Wiggling Out Of Toxic Environments

 

If there is one commonality we all share across, it's the obvious fact that we all exist and live in our respective ENVIRONMENT.  We may NOT co-exist BUT each of us needs to live and even survive whichever ENVIRONMENT we have.  BUT WHAT is expected from us is our sharp awareness of the ENVIRONMENT we have.  I've seen many people really working hard and NEVER complaining.  And that was GREAT.  BUT it is actually something most people lack sometimes BUT it is NOT the reason for WHATEVER discomfort we would also endure along the way.  At times, we feel that discomfort because we DIDN'T get any recognition from other people, even for just a bit📗📙📘

True, many of us are NOT seeking validation BUT it's just that they know WHAT you do BUT DON'T want to acknowledge it.  As we would try to bring about WHAT we did, WHAT is important in working, BUT we would sometimes find our own self becoming that somewhat arrogant person in the room for the work you have done.  BUT alas, I feel blessed because I was in this ENVIRONMENT only once many years back📌📌📌

IF and WHEN we do realize that we are in that TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, WHAT'S next?  The experts would be quick to counsel us to LET GO OF WHAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL.  And I CAN'T agree less with this.  WHEN attempting to survive a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, it becomes critical to remember that there are things outside our periphery and sphere of influence.  And WHILE we typically CAN'T control the culture itself, we can control HOW we respond to the situation💥💥💥

If there's one harsh lesson I learnt while going through the gauntlet in a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, it's that everything becomes draining.  And belatedly then, I realized that it is imperative to develop and enforce boundaries between parties, even with the closest of your close coterie of friends.  A real-life example is WHEN one starts to bad-mouth someone else, WHAT you can do is CHANGE THE SUBJECT.  That way, you can avoid getting sucked into that looming negativity❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Looking back WHEN I was trapped in that foxhole of a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, I thought I had to come up with an action plan, WHICH I did.  And I realized that WHEN I was 'into an action', I hardly felt being worried OR helpless as I was in the middle of all the action.  On the tail-end, I realized my career DOESN'T define me because if we become so enmeshed, that locks us in in a TOXIC ENVIRONMENT we need to extricate ourselves😕😕😕

When Life Gets Harder

 

NOT to be a pessimist BUT life has been laid out for us in such a way that it's NEVER a WALK IN THE PARK, that is a guarantee.  By itself, LIFE IS HARD.  In fact, NOTHING about life is easy.  As a student, it's NEVER easy to get good grades in school [ooooooops, just yesterday, I stumbled across a social media post of a student committing suicide after her father harangued and spewed her with the harshest possible words] all because she missed out garnering academic honors [IF only the parent was NOT that circumspect]📗📙📘

I heard of spine-tingling stories of someone going through a grueling surgery and did struggle to recuperate.  BUT my friend did confide that it was also a struggle to lay at home despite wanting to go out.  Early in my career life, I admit that there were times I found it difficult to plot out things, struggling even on a day to day basis, battling with decisions, thoughts and feelings that come to mind💡💡💡

And quite surprisingly, there were many days I struggled just trying to get out of bed.  And I recall those times WHEN it was equally difficult for me to heal from a disconnect OR an argument.  And YESSSSS, surprisingly, for the NOT so obvious reasons, I found it difficult even WHEN I was awash with $$$$$$.  And to make things more confusing, I did struggle to make new friends BUT more confusingly, it was more difficult to maintain them once you have them.  WHILE it's difficult to make a load of $$$$$$, it was another kind of ballgame to keep it💥💥💥

YES YES yowww, difficulty, struggles and hardship are all woven into life.  You and me CAN'T just easily escape OR even wiggle out of it.  WHAT's difficult and easy are two sides of the same coin, BTW.  You CAN'T have one and NOT the other.  One thing that makes things easier OR more convenient also makes other things more difficult.  Even in the most normal situation, it's one thing is made easier, another is made so difficult❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  The numerous paradoxes in life will always lead us to conclude that it is equally as difficult NOT to be happy and suffer in your pity as it is to do something about it.  And it's equally as difficult to remain in pain as it is to go through the healing process.  And it's equally as difficult to become rich as it is to remain poor.  And it's equally difficult to conquer one's fears as it is to let them conquer you.  YES, both difficulties and challenges AREN'T exclusive to the things that happen once OR infrequently.  In fact and in truth, everyday can be just as challenging as the one-offs😌😌😌

When Brain Fog Creeps In

 

Every day, we hear [OR sometimes experience it on our own] multiple manifestations cum symptoms and in most cases, we're 'spot on' EXCEPT WHEN we hear about BRAIN FOG.  I've known first hand people immediately sought medical advice and some get [wrongly] redirected to medications and some, even end up in therapeutic remedies [WHERE it's all diagnosed wrongly].  Instead, legitimate experts tell us that BRAIN FOG is a term tagging our inability to think clearly enough📗📙📘

Being confused OR disorganized is something that may NOT be critically serious BUT nevertheless it is serious enough as it affects our ability to translate our thoughts into words.  NOT to be surprised, we would easily witness this with senior citizens at at advanced age as they struggle to grapple with their thoughts and verbalizing the same.  Ironically, for some folks WHO end up being prescribed with medications, medical experts themselves unequivocably state that some kind of drugs [both for prescribed and the over-the-counter ones] can even be the very root cause of BRAIN FOG.  They claim that if you take medicine and notice that your thinking ISN'T as clear as it should be OR you suddenly CAN'T remember things, you can be off-track💚💛💜

There is one illness NOT so recognized on the surface BUT statistics show it is impacting a plurality of our population and that relates to CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME [CFS].  As a CFS 101, experts tell us that with CFS, our body and mind are tired for a long time.  We may then feel confused, forgetful and unable to focus.  Sadly, till to date, there is no known cure for CFS, hence that atmosphere of seeming helplessness and frustration for those enduring the challenges of CFS as it keeps recurring💧💧💧

To make the troubling waters look murkier, throw in DEPRESSION, that's WHEN you may NOT remember things well or even be able to think coherently through problems with less struggles.  WHAT challenges experts is that they claim it's hard to know if this is linked to the loss of energy and motivation that comes with DEPRESSION OR IF DEPRESSION affects one's brain in a way that causes that fog.  Good relief, DEPRESSION is something that's less troubling💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Before we get waylaid and locked-in with purported fixes BUT good relief for us all, there is a FIX that WON'T cost $$$$$$$$ and yet it will be a FIX for a lot of our potential medical issues and that's spelled S-L-E-E-P.  Experts tell us to aim for 7 to 9 hours [BUT NOT TOO MUCH before you end FOGGY too].  To lead you to tht quality SLEEP, two things commonly recommended to be avoided, that's caffeine and alcohol [of course there will be outliers, WHEN there are occassions, right?]  BUT WHEN BRAIN FOG CREEPS IN, that should be an early subtle WAKE-UP call for us😡😡😡

That Mix-up Between Happiness And Joy

 

The power and influence of English has been unprecedented through the centuries and the irony is that, along the way, we're caught in a 'mix up' simply based on the context of the simplest words like HAPPINESS and JOY.  True, everyone wants and needs HAPPINESS BUT we get into a different level when JOY creeps in.  For alignment, while HAPPINESS is typically that fleeting and situational emotion, JOY is that much deeper and more lasting state of contentment and satisfaction often linked to that inner well-being with that deep-seated sense of purpose.  Having this much deeper discernment to differentiate these totally different states of fulfillment WHERE it behooves that our awareness should be as clear as the ground versus the skies📗📙📘

Looking back throughout my professional life at work, most of the time, especially WHEN I was an upstart, I was so glued at HAPPINESS, that kind of shortsightedness expected from someone still raw and NOT fully mature in life.  BUT as I went up the ladder in our organizations, I reached that point of saturation WHERE I was confident that I have achieved enough in my HAPPINESS such that I started to move the goal post by looking at JOY, and HOW to achieve it📌📌📌

WHEN I received my job promotions, my state of HAPPINESS was indescribable.  And I thought that was the zenith of everything UNTIL I realized that there was a bit of vacuum, something missing within me and after some soul searching, i realized that achieving JOY is way way up more fulfilling.  WHEN my team member was promoted, that was level of JOY.  WHEN another team member became a full-fledged manager, I reached a much higher level of JOY😁😁😁

Taking a step back, we got to realize a few things NOT so perceptible on the surface.  THAT life itself is unpredictable, and NO amount of planning can guarantee the outcome of your desire.  This is WHEN one has to exert more than just the normal effort.  And WHEN people come and go in our life, NOT everyone we love will stay forever in that place.  If there is anything permanent, it is CHANGE.  And along the way, NOT everyone will like us.  NOT everyone will embrace us.  In the shortest word, NOT everyone will accept us, period❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  WHILE sometimes life is NOT fair, WHEN sometimes even bad things happen to good people, trust can be broken along the way and repairing and even rebuilding it may take much longer time with much more effort than breaking it.  Rectifying these outliers becomes a MUST-DO for us to get back on track, back on the road as we continue to search for HAPPINESS and more than just, finding that level of JOY that will give us much more sense of fulfillment.  If 'hitting two birds with one stone' becomes that relevant, it is WHEN we achieve that level of JOY because that even leap-frogs our previous modest goals of getting entranced with HAPPINESS.  Be mindful of that mix-up between HAPPINESS and JOY, dude❗❗❗

Do We Need To Curb Our Enthusiasm?

 

Do We Need To CURB OUR ENTHUSIASM?  I'd say that generally, I'll question that challenging question because per se, WHY bother to curb our ENTHUSIASM?  All along, we're egging everyone to ne enthused.  We're tossing out all kinds of carrots and enticements to encourage ENTHUSIASM .  YES, excitement is a natural and invigorating emotion that adds zest to our life, NO doubt about it.  HOWEVER, WHEN ENTHUSIASM crosses that invisible threshold over into that 'overexcitement', it can trigger that detrimental effects on our physical and even mental well-being.  This opinion has been backed by several researches that delved into the perils of 'overexcitement' and it can potentially affect our health.  NOT to dampen your ENTHUSIASM BUT studies show that it can lead us to a mile-long list of downsides in our life📗📙📘

Topping that list of downsides is that ENTHUSIASM can disrupt our sleep patterns, leading to insufficient rest.  Racing thoughts, heightened mental arousal and even that surge of adrenaline can make it difficult to fall asleep OR even stay asleep.  Sleep deprivation can have that far-reaching consequences including fatigue, impaired cognitive function, mood disturbances and even increased susceptibility to illnesses😢😢😢

Deeper and extensive studies also led to results confirming that ENTHUSIASM can trigger heightened levels of stress and anxiety.  The anticipation of an event OR an intense surge of emotions can activate our body's stress response, thereby releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.  I can attest to these episodes during those years WHEN I was reporting for my Day-1 in a new job❗❗❗

Apparently, prolonged exposure to these hormones can trigger and lead us to those detrimental effects including [hold your breath] increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, compromised immune function, and even a higher risk of developing anxiety disorders.  NOT to scare you and NOT to be the harbinger of 'armageddon-like' information here indeed this is a slew of illnesses we all dread to even talk about, right?  And that's WHEN physical exhaustion can creep in as well because ENTHUSIASM, particularly WHEN accompanied with physical exertion, can eventually lead us to physical exhaustion and engaging in activities with unchecked ENTHUSIASM without allowing sufficient time to rest can lead to muscle fatigue and as per advice my medical specialists, it can contribute to our eventual overall physical depletion💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  The worst of all downsides that hit us hard is that scary impaired decision-making because the experts tell us that intense ENTHUSIASM can lead us to that impaired decision-making ability as it often leads us to impulsive behavior and even that kind of clouded judgment.  WHAT happens next, rational thinking and logical reasoning can take the back seat WHEN our emotions run high and eventually, leading us to poor decision-making and even those dire regrettable consequences❎❎❎

That Curse of Knowledge

 

Way way back even before we were born, everyone embraced that thirst and hunger for KNOWLEDGE and that's a GIVEN!  Fast forward decades after,  THAT CURSE OF KNOWLEDGE. And we were reared, schooled and trained that KNOWLEDGE will help contribute towards our ultimate outcome WHICH is SUCCESS + HAPPINESS.  BUT in the 'Rich Dad Poor Dad' of American author Robert Kiyosaki, he opines that KNOWING MORE DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN EARNING MORE📘📙📗

His book challenges all those conventional thinking by encouraging his readers to transcend that 'RAT RACE' mentality, a vicious cycle of working for $$$$$$$ BUT WITHOUT really achieving the true financial freedom we all always dreamt of.  Veering away from this financial thread and moving over to critical thinking, I admit that through the years, I have always been that type of person WHO wants to understand the "WHY" of things📌📌📌

Admittedly, in school, I struggled with teachers WHO just passed on content BUT did well with those WHO explained the "WHY" behind things.  And WHAT other discipline seeks to explain everything even the inexplicable?  WHICH reminds me of a paper which states that Philosophy is more than just old books and complex theories.  Instead, it's an intellectual adventure to embark on a journey of questioning and even critical thinking💥💥💥

To challenge myself [more than just playing devil's advocate], I tried to tear down fallacies LIKE these syllogistic reasonings:

EVERYTHING THAT IS RARE IS COSTLY.  A GOOD CHEAP CAR IS RARE.  THEREFORE, A GOOD CHEAP CAR IS COSTLY !@#$%?  

Of course NOT!  HOW is that possible !@#$%?

Our takeaway:  Fast-forward many decades and years after, let's admit it, sometimes we [and I've been guilty of that many times] we sometimes reason out in equally flawed ways and because the conclusion DOESN'T seem absurd, it ends up going unnoticed.  With all these iterations, I usually use these syllogistic arguments to demonstrate that even our rationality has its limitations.  This brings me to the obvious CURSE OF KNOWLEDGE because as Robert Kiyosaki said, KNOWING MORE DOESN'T ALWAYS MEAN EARNING MORE!@#$%?