That "BYSTANDER EFFECT"!

 

That BYSTANDER EFFECT has long been defined in Psychology as a social-psychological phenomenon WHERE individuals are less likely to help a victim in distress WHEN other people are present, WHICH, to quote psychology jargon, it is a phenomenon explained by factors like diffusion of responsibility , pluralistic ignorance [LIKE relying on others' reaction to define a situation] and audience inhibition [LIKE that fear of negative judgment].  WHAT that means is that in a group, people may assume someone else will help OR interpret the situation as NOT an emergency because others are NOT reacting.  Ouch!@#$%?

NOT to be cynical BUT many times in these recent times, I did bear witness to incidents WHERE it ended tragically WHILE the people aware and present around were holding on to their smartphones and taking videos and picture of an imminent tragedy about to happen anytime soon.  It would be an understatement if I'll exclaim that I have always been aghast WHEN I would come across situations like this [WHICH, instead of evolving towards rectifying misses, it's becoming more of a widespread acceptance and practice across communities, countries and cultures.  Last week in Malaysia, a couple was arrested for the drowning of their children WHO got drowned while inside their car parked at the bank of a river.  Yesterday in the Philippines, 2 siblings got drowned WHILE the rest were taking video of their imminent tragic end, ouch😡😡😡

Experts noted that generally, people often hesitate to respond WHEN a situation feels ambiguous, a key feature of that BYSTANDER EFFECT.  Such manifestation of HESITATION almost always pops-up in various tragic stories across the globe.  In crime scenes, the BYSTANDER EFFECT occurs WHEN the presence of others discourages an individual from intervening in an emergency situation, example, against a bully OR during an assault OR other crime scenarios❌❌❌

Shocking results of researches showed that the greater the number of bystanders, the LESS LIKELY it is for any one of them to provide help to a person in distress and people are more likely to take action in a crisis WHEN there are few OR no other witnesses present.  Psychologist attributed these human behaviors to our perceived DIFFUSION OF RESPONSIBILITY WHEREIN the more onlookers there are, the less personal responsibility individuals will feel to take action😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  WHILE it is just natural for people to sort of 'FREEZE' OR go in that 'state of shock' WHEN seeing someone having an emergency OR being attacked, experts opine that that is our RESPONSE TO FEAR, the FEAR that we are too weak to help OR that we might misunderstand the context and seeing a threat WHERE there is none, OR even that intervening will put your own life at risk.  That BYSTANDER EFFECT!!!

Those NOT So 'DIRTY TRICKS' [For Travel & Hotel Bookings]

 

The best time for our annual long-haul travels and holidays is NOT yet around the corner BUT for the meantime, as I was browsing for hotel bookings the past two days, I thought I should learn some lessons I did learn arising from my countless times WHERE I think I have spent quite a big chunk of time [e.g. for our Japan holidays last year], I spent the period from January to June and admittedly, as early as five months before our planned holidays, I kept blocking off bookings both for our hotel and flights [and cancelled those bookings WHEN a better option came into my endless searches]😁😁😁

BUT how many times you were browsing and then the online apps alerts you that a dozen other customers are NOW looking into that same hotel room you're looking at?  The implication there is a dozen customers also sitting at their computers OR devices about to click BUY and 'STEAL' that booking away from under you.  SERIOUSLY?  That trick is called "SOCIAL PROOF", that technique used in sales that leverages our desire for communal validation to push us to finally click that BOOK & BUY, pronto at that😓😓😓

BUT again, there's NO way to know IF there are actually dozens OR hundreds of people looking at exactly that same flight OR hotel booking you're glued at that moment.  Either way, it's there just to pressure you into clicking that BOOK & BUY button, locking you in.  BUT these deceptive practices DON'T end there.  There is a deceiving technique called 'DECEPTIVE SCARCITY' and that happened to me many times WHEN I was piecing together my holiday itinerary and then I get prompted that thare are only 2 SEATS LEFT.  SERIOUSLY?  That's quite a bad joke😡😡😡

You might reasonably assume that this means only 2 SEATS LEFT on that flight and you'll end up scrambling to find a different flight unless you decide immediately [OH YES, often that comes with a combined TIMER counting down the minutes that you can hold those tickets.  Combined with the constant fluctuation of the ticket OR rate pricings as the capacity and demand change, this can PUSH you to click BOOK & BUY even prematurely, ouch❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Those 'TRICKs' DON'T end there.  Even 'CHECK-IN' fees get into the picture WHEN you would assume that if you want to check-in for your flight, OR have a printed boarding pass instead of a barcode displayed on your phone, that may be NO big deal BUT some airlines would charge you a fee.  And for some airlines, if you DON'T check-in early enough [at least 2 hours before your flight], there are FEES 'BURIED' deep in the fine print and FAQs.  So, next time you plan your holidays and travel, be aware of these so called 'TRICKS' dude💥💥💥

Nature Versus Nurture: Take Your Pick

 

For today, can we pick our brains more as an exercise?  And I thought that WHILE  NATURE and NURTURE CAN'T be an apples-to-apples, I thought we can still make do with it from the perspective of GROWTH.  So, the question to us is this:  Would you rather things will grow like NATURE?  OR would you rather NURTURE things to grow even in an organic OR exponential way?  To pre-empt you, let me shout out that I prefer NURTURING💚💛💜

You might challenge me, WHY NURTURE if things can grow either organically like NATURE?  I'll quip that WHERE we were born because of NATURE, WHAT we will become has to be attributed to NURTURING.  Through the years, the silent debate has been raging in the labworks of researchers BUT to put things in perspective, NATURE and NURTURE both play a role in WHO we are WHILE the interplay between NATURE and NURTURE will remain influential💥💥💥

On the other hand, there is a huge disconnect I've witnessed many times through the years WHEN people would rely on NATURE to takes its course for things to evolve.  WHICH is a super huge disconnect there because it becomes akin to us leaving things AS IS for us to do nothing from thereon except for things to evolve and progress as we want it to me.  WHERE does our role come into play then❓❓❓

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One example of WHEN the argument of NATURE versus NURTURE arises is WHEN a person achieves a high level of academic success.  Another sort of boring example is that 'perfect pitch' of a musical tone and researches showed that that ability tends to run in families and as such, it could be tied to a single gene.  BUT the studies also showed that possessing that gene is NOT enough as musical training during early childhood is needed for that inherited ability to manifest itself over time.  Same with height which can be inherited BUT if the child grows in a deprived environment, he may NOT grow taller❎❎❎

Our takeaway is plainly simple.  Let's peg nature to that planted seed BUT from that point onwards, that planted seed needs to be NURTURED.  On the same breadth, there are numerous things we are gifted by NATURE BUT there lies that innate responsibility for us to own the NURTURING part so that whatever nature has invested in us will continue to grow and evolve.  Enough of us being parasites of NATURE WHEN that's uncalled for dude😡😡😡

Is The Needle Tilting In Your Favor?

 

Much as digitalization is happening everywhere [YES, even in religious places of worship], if there is one domain digitalization will be hard pressed to crack is that need to WEIGH THE BALANCE between the PROs and CONs.  That's WHEN we are caught in the crossroads [especially those FORKED ones] WHERE we have NO recourse BUT to come up with a decision, one way OR the other.  Then that's the right time ripe for us to ask ourselves this $64 question:  Is The Needle Tilting In Your Favor?  Otherwise, you got to give it a pass📗📙📘

Verily true, there are two ways to go about life.  You can go and work forward towards achieving the future you envision for yourself OR you can spend your life seated under the immense sheets of skies waiting for it somehow come around you, in your favor, at your advantage without lifting a finger.  So, seriously, are you really waiting for the STARS TO ALIGN?  LIKE WHEN the NEEDLE IS TILTING IN YOUR FAVOR?  Oooops, WHATEVER your answer is to this question, that can be really crucial💚💛💜

To be frank, your answer to that frank question could be the difference between getting stalled OR stuck and 'stagnant' till you grow old versus OR you can end up wise enough, on track until you can affirm that you've carved your name for that success story.  Here's the catch though.  It's only YOU WHO can call the shots [NO proxies, NO reps]💧💧💧

Very obviously, once you perceive the needle to be tilting in your favor, that should tell you to 'hustle your way' after those goals and things you're aiming for, hustling to one day waking up being and becoming that person you really wanted to be.  BUT here's the catch though.  Life DOESN'T boil down as to HOW much you hustle as you're the only one capable of ALIGNING THE STARS and creating the future you deserve.  So, are you still waiting for the STARS TO ALIGN!@#$%?  IF you're simply acting and reacting to the world around you, you could be waiting for things out of your control❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Very frankly, WAITING means you are WAITING for something that may NEVER come OR happen as you act and react with NO boundaries, WITHOUT purpose and WITHOUT protecting WHO you so wish you could be.  The most frustrating words I heard the past years:  MY TIME HAS YET TO COME or I'LL  WAIT FOR THAT POSITION TO BECOME VACANT.  IS THE NEEDLE TILTING IN YOUR FAVOR😡😡😡

No Less Than Her Parent Advised Her: DREAM LESS

 

A month ago in Channelnewsasia, 08.12.2025, Filipina F1 car racer driver BIANCA BUSTAMANTE was featured.  NOT because of anything else BUT it is her remarkable climb, clawing slowly up up and up until she can achieve each of her pre-set 'mini' success milestones.  Allow me to paste here EN TOTO the Channelnewsasia piece.  QUOTE  No one expected her to make it this far. Manila-born Bianca Bustamante opens up about breaking barriers as the first female in the McLaren Driver Development Programme and what it means to fly the Asian flag in international motor racing💥💥💥

It’s your typical Asian family origin story – parents want their kid to study hard, become a doctor and have a stable, high-paying career. Here’s the plot twist: Kid doesn’t believe in taking the conventional path but decides to believe in herself from the moment she sits in a go-kart at age three instead.  In 2024, that self-belief culminated in Bianca Bustamante making history as the first female driver ever selected for McLaren’s Driver Development Programme.  “No one expected me to make it this far; not a little girl from the Philippines who came from a very middle-class family,” Bustamante shared via video call from her home in the UK where she is now based.

Historically, the world of motor racing is notoriously known for being accessible only to those who come from prodigious privilege and the sort of pedigree afforded by favourable parentage. It takes a tremendous amount of investment to hone a child’s driving skill starting in karting. Add to that the necessary travels to competitions around the world in the hopes of them developing sufficient proficiency to even get a shot at the big leagues.

“It's a very expensive sport that's often reserved for people with money,” Bustamante acknowledged. “So for me to make a career for myself in racing and travel the world, no one expected that, not even my own family. To be honest, I was told by family members to dream less,” she confided with nary a trace of resentment or bitterness.  In fact, the only moment Bustamante’s equanimity wavers ever so slightly during our hour-long chat is when she recounts how her father had often juggled three jobs to support her racing career in the early days UNQUOTE💚💛💜

Our KEY takeaway here is that, regardless of all the MOTIVATIONS coming from all quarters, WHAT matters most is our MOTIVATIONS from within.  Even WHEN Bianca was advised [NO LESS by her mom] to 'DREAM LESS', she NEVER heeded that advice BUT instead, went for 'full throttle'.  As we speak now, Bianca is a legitimate member of the UK-based McLaren development team, inching her way UP UP and UP🏆🏆🏆

When The Walls Are Closing In...

 

How often do we feel THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN?  NOT so often I guess.  That did happen to me quite a few times in the past, so you might ask, WHAT was it like?  My curt reply:  I ready to run for my life and into my bunker, whew!  If we all share something in recent memory, I guess that was recently WHEN we all got hit with the Covid-19 pandemic WHEN we felt like the walls of our own homes were closing in on us.  As for myself, WHEN that feeling hovered over me, I knew I wanted to extricate myself out of the situation.  BUT I asked myself, WHERE do I seek refuge?  Unlike Israel WHOSE physical infrastructures have robust bunkers, I DIDN'T had one📗📙📘

In a typical situation, WHEN we feel trapped OR confined indoors, a walk outside usually helps.  NOT only do we want fresh air BUT we tend to be looking at different things as well.  Like a CHANGE of SCENERY can help WHEN you feel like the walls are closing in.  This gets more relatable in relationships, be it at work, at home OR with your 'bonafide' friends [and NOT just Facebook friends😑😑😑].  In the real world, those WALLS are those lingering in our minds 

At the workplace, one typical scenario is WHEN one feels stuck OR stalled as he's NOT progressing up the ladder, one could feel the WALLS have closed in.  LIKE WHEN people find themselves in a quite restrictive relationship with someone WHO seems to be having a tight rein and controlling the other party, it may feel like the WALLS ARE CLOSING IN.  SO HOW?  In one word, EXTRICATE yourself out of that situation BUT unfortunately, EXTRICATING requires you to take a deep stock of things💥💥💥

In those scenarios, a 'CHANGE OF SCENERY' is NOT found outside in the woods.  Instead, the change of scenery could be a new job or getting out of a relationship [and YES, creating a new one as well].  A safe synonym is that of being CLAUSTROPHOBIC because that's WHEN we feel the walls closing in on us.  Worst thing is WHEN the walls of anxiety are CLOSING IN.  That is a tough one to cope with😕😕😕

Our takeaway:  Knock on wood, unless something springs out a very tragic turn of events, generally in life, those WALLS WON'T be instantly closing in on you, on us.  Way prior to that, we must be sharp and incisive enough to discern and detect tell-tale signs that the walls are slowly showing signs of a 'rickety' state.  In a worst case scenario, it is to our best interest that we should NOT be a step late by more than one [step] BEFORE THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN❗❗❗

Do We Judge Others By Their ACTIONS But Ourselves By INTENTIONS?

 

In this rowdy world we co-exist, it seems that many of us [a majority in fact] is a judge by him/herself.  We tend to have this idea that some things are right and others are wrong.  That kind of BLACK or WHITE stuff, whew!  YES, this seems to form the basis as to WHY we consider ourselves as perfect beings in some circumstances.  In the process of being that way, we become JUDGMENTAL and only our worldviews are real  REALLY?  Do We REALLY Judge Others By Their ACTIONS But Ourselves By INTENTIONS???

In the face of man, no matter how noble our intentions are, if the consequences of our action are bad, trust me, we will be judged badly and harshly NO less.  Without tainting cultures, in Nigeria, if you help a hit and run victim on the highway, you are kind of risking that dreadful 'life sentence'  OR at least a life imprisonment if the subject victim eventually dies.  YES, sadly, that is one big problem that even in this 21st century, a country like Nigeria does still prosecute such act blindly WHEREAS in the First World where functional CCTV's are normal, people DON'T get prosecuted for such a noble act.  WHAT explains that huge disparity???

In the judicial space, while I am NOT a lawyer, typically, a judge in a court of law will tend to focus more on the facts before him that provides supporting grounds to the case at hand instead of looking into the intentions of the accused.  WHILE I am NOT a constitutionalist, I would hear experts exclaim that "THIS OR THAT" was NOT what the law is all about because of its unstated intent and spirit behind the provisions of the law.  WHAT a paradox here, the law seems to sow confusion???

YES, it is also true that INTENTIONS may NOT be easily get perceived OR understood because we DON'T know WHAT the person was thinking before carrying that specific act.  HOWEVER, WHY do we want our personal INTENTIONS to be judged and NOT our actions?  ISN'T that quite an inconsistency that seems to throw that 'parity principle' out of the window???

Our takeaway:  We need to raise our consciousness by several notches [if NOT decibels] WHEN discerning WHAT is perceived versus WHAT is factual.  Is this HOW we are programmed from the beginning OR did our societal mores did influence our thought processes towards this direction?  Verily true, most of our behaviors [IF NOT ALL] are learnt from our respective societies.  It could be then somehow argued that society probably taught us to reason things that way.  So, DO WE JUDGE OTHERS BY THEIR ACTIONS BUT OURSELVES BY OUR INTENTIONS???

Get Off The Mat And Off To The Next Challenge

 

Back in our High School days, a common dilemma of us students was getting to school every morning with NO tardiness.  And I remember our High School teacher gave a sage advice which was:  WHEN YOU WAKE UP, RISE UP.  These days, we'll hear this more  Get Off The Mat And Off To The Next Challenge.  WHICH leads me to really ponder if WHAT matters most in our life is a CATALYST, something OR someone that causes change to occur and indeed, having that 'change agent' can be damn helpful💥💥💥

WHICH reminds me of 'CATALYST GOALS' in life.  HOW I did it [the damn hard way in the past], I did set goals, crystal clear and concrete enough.  And once I embedded my commitment to it, those pre-set goals became my very CATALYST to move forward.  I then realized that many times in the past, I've been tricking myself WHEN I did set my goals.  Instead of doing WHAT matters, I worked diligently through my to-do list, ensuring that I remained 'spot on'✅✅✅

BUT there were times WHEN sometimes, my legitimate goals were seemingly left out.  The culprit?  I realized I wasn't doing 'GOOD PLANNING' at all then.  I seemed to delay executing this OR that task so there were days, I did stare at my pre-set goal and was ready to push it and slide to another week WHEN it suddenly dawned on me that if I did roll up my sleeves and do WHAT I needed to do, I could have accomplished WHAT needs to be done.  WHAT's my lesson here?  If ONLY I had a TO-DO List those days.  That would have made me more diligent.  And verily true, working with 'CATALYST GOALS' would keep me motivated and differentiating my positive self versus someone WHO incessantly procrastinates.  Mother of all ironies during those difficult times WHEN I was doing a 'balancing act' of my multiple deliverables, I was unaware that I got trapped!!!

As I constantly struggled then with one too many stuff on my struggling pair of hands, often I would end up overwhelmed and, YES, burned out.  SO HOW did I extricate myself from the mud?  I asked myself these most basic confrontational questions:

• Does completing my goals push me nearer to my 'future self'?
• Can I avoid that trap as I do the balancing act handling one too many with my bare hands?
• Have I plotted initially small steps that will lead me to the eventual bigger steps?  OR am I [falsely] carrying that superman belief?

Our takeaway:  I remember this perennial reassurance in the past WHENEVER I fail.  My mentor kept reminding me that each time I fall flat on my face, I am an inch OR foot closer to my pre-set goals.  Fast-forward today, I would agree and disagree with my mentor because WHILE it's true that I can be an inch closer to my goals, the flip side of things can lead me to another setback WHERE I will be an inch or foot farther back from my goals.  This all boils down to one's gumptions to keep going, GET OFF THE MAT AND OFF TO THE NEXT CHALLENGE❗❗❗

Why The Plurality Remains As 'AVERAGE'?

 

So, WHY is it a plurality [if NOT a majority] of us remain 'AVERAGE [despite all the breakthroughs, motivations and pushing from all sides]?  Studies showed that there are people WHO seem to be in the right place at the right [and sometimes perfect] time.  LIKE everything works out for them.  LIKE the right breaks, LIKE right opportunities popping up at the right timing, and they even call it those 'ideal moments'.  For some, they call it 'LUCK'📗📙📘📗📙📘

BUT WHAT if we would hear that that is NOT exactly true?  THAT, sometimes to get better results, we DON'T need more effort BUT maybe just a better strategy.  And a few tweaks in the way we think [and act] can even be a catalyst to 'skyrocket' our performance, WHICH is quite 'magical' to come into fruition.  Oh YES, we can stack the odds in our favor and it's NOT even magic.  Instead, it's all about statistics because the numbers will show.  And studies did show that many variables follow a normal distribution and most values do cluster around the middle.  WHILE the extreme cases are outliers📌📌📌

As statistics is beyond my domain, allow me to make reference to researches that consistently show that most cases are centered around the middle.  And the norm is somewhere in between, like average height, average intelligence, average consumption and so on.  We can then use this statistical distribution as an innate mental model to understand the world out there as we assume that most things lie in the middle.  And that's true in some cases💥💥💥

And that's WHEN we all go wrong.  WHICH reminds me of the Pareto Distribution because the normal distribution is quite easier to understand BUT we live in an increasingly complex world.  And in our very tight world, things DON'T always cluster in the middle BUT instead, very often, then tend to concentrate at the extremes.  If we're in a marketing job and will send out an email blast, you could send thousands of generic mails OR send personalized mails💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  Looking back, I can opine that most people only think in averages, metrics and volume.  BUT the real value is WHERE no one's looking, in that corner of the graph WHERE effort and outcome AREN'T proportional.  WHERE a small, smart move yields a massive result.  WHERE one tiny, well-placed action is worth 10, 100 or even 1,000 times more, and that's WHERE the right breaks, right contacts, and perfect opportunities happen at those ideal timings.  And from the outside world, that's WHAT it's dubbed as 'LUCK' but it's more than just the alignment of stars because it behooves that we should kick things for us to go beyond just being an AVERAGE😌😌😌

Nothing Is Hard In Life, SERIOUSLY

 

Is LIFE HARD?  To be on the safe side, I'lle exclaim it's NEITHER EASY NOR HARD.  What is EASY for one may be difficult to another one.  WHAT is a no-brainer with one may be a steep mountain slope to climb up.  In fact, many times I stumbled across two colleagues with very similar job roles.  YET, it was easy for one and HARD for the other one.  WHAT more WHEN we do a mapping of all these in our respective lives?  This probably explains WHY we're witnessing a constant cacophony of noise in this quite rowdy world.  So, WHO concurs that NOTHING IS HARD IN LIFE?  Seriously dude💚💛💜

In multifarious ways, I have been observing that some of us would think that something is more worthwhile if it is difficult to achieve [OR even strangely] if it is painful to achieve.  Additionally, if the 'norm' is to do one type of  thing and someone comes up with an easier thing that broadly achieves the same goals, people end up getting caught in the norm and will likely NOT leap to celebrate and change their lives, rather some may mock and criticize the person WHO has found an easier way and enjoin them to come back to the HARD way.  True, some things are HARD and painful BUT also have that tangible benefit, like working hard at a skill OR sport OR perhaps putting money in a high interest savings account BUT that level of difficulty OR pain involved in an endeavor does NOT automatically indicate its worthiness💧💧💧

These days, regardless WHERE you reside now, life can truly be overwhelming these days.  And IF you're feeling LIKE the challenges you're facing seem to be way too much for you to handle, you're certainly NOT alone.  In a recent United States survey, the majority of the respondents placed their stress levels between a 5 and a 10 on a scale of 1-10.  YES, everyone seems to be a bit stressed out for one reason OR another💥💥💥

And, according to researches, our individual stressors would likely NOT be related to current societal issues at all BUT ironically, they could be exacerbated by these societal issues.  YES, life is inevitably HARD at times and I agree, there are one too many UPs and DOWNs BUT if we're feeling like our life is consistently difficult, trust me, day-in day-out, you would feel that constant struggle if that pervades and prevails within you almost constantly.  You might even find yourself pondering WHY everything feels so hard on you?  Truth is, everyone's journey is different.  Just because your peers DON'T seem to be struggling right now, they may be facing challenges privately for all you know😡😡😡

Our takeaway:  My personal take here is that, without really downplaying the hardness of life as being faced by people WHO feel more challenged, I would encourage ourselves look at the positive side of things, weigh in both UPSIDEs and DOWNSIDEs while giving heavier weight to the POSITIVEs.  LIKE many years ago WHEN I got involved in a major car accident, I was thankful that that incident hit me that time because that time, I had 2 things in life WHICH you would badly need WHEN you're involved in a major accident.  It is the combination of TIME + MONIES.  Admittedly, that time, I had both as we just received our redundancy pay settlements WHEN US-headquartered Borden Chemical formally ended its commercial operations in my country then.  In short, NOTHING IS HARD IN LIFE, seriously [except you have to sweat it out dude]😡😡😡