Carpe Diem a.k.a. Plucking The Day

 

These days, there is that lost in translation WHEN it's about CARPE DIEM is wrongly equated to SEIZING THE DAY. Although this is all semantics, there is a world of difference because scholars advise that it really means PLUCKING THE DAY.  Breaking it down further down to our layman's level, it's likened to gathering of the ripening fruits OR flowers.  Further down, it means enjoying a moment that is deeply rooted in the sensory experience of nature.  And WHILE this is one of the telling ways, it reveals as well that process of our hidden assumptions about WHAT we really value.  Indeed, gathering flowers as a metaphor for timely enjoyment is a far gentler and more sensual image than the rather forceful and sometime even violent concept of seizing the moment.  We can keep tweaking CARPE DIEM but it's still a welcome metaphor💚💛💜

Regardless WHETHER we tweak CARPE DIEM either to the left OR right, we'll still find ourselves with the same questions LIKE  is your mind constantly racing?  Do you feel like you're always chasing after time OR wanting more and more?  YES, admittedly at times, I go through thoughts like all these BUT to arrest a potential skid, I am constantly working on finding that potential greater contentment and YES, that sometimes elusive calm.  And WHEN I feel unsettled, I would endeavor to take 1 to 2 minutes of my time to close my eyes.  And in that very brief pause, I do think about making the most of WHAT I have that very moment.  Call it 'plucking the day' OR whatever❎❎❎

Teddy Roosevelt, one of the more popular American Presidents was widely quoted "DO WHAT YOU CAN, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, WHERE YOU ARE'.  This circles back to my thoughts before WHEN I wished I was born rich BUT after lots of soul-searching, I was [and still am] actually glad that I WASN'T born rich.  WHY?  Because those episodes in my life did teach me lessons I could have NOT learned elsewhere❌❌❌

Thing is, WHATEVER situation you are in now, there are a few essential things we need to consider even as we speak now:

• THAT happiness is a choice!
• THAT you DON'T need much to be happy
• THAT we be grateful for WHAT we have

Our takeaway:  Let's settle with this Mark Twain quote:  GIVE EVERY DAY THE CHANCE TO BECOME THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY OF YOUR LIFE.  I remember years back WHEN I got involved in a major car accident.  My constant reminder to myself WAS that I WAS grateful that that accident happened that very time WHEN I had all the time to spare and I had all the resources to tap.  In short, let's STOP thinking/saying LIKE  "IF I HAD THIS, I WOULD BE HAPPY". Enough of that crap dude😡😡😡

How's your EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS?

 

On any given day, you probably experience a range of emotions, name it, excitement, unease, frustration, joy,  disappointment.  Quite often, these often relate to specific events, such as talking specifics with a friend, meeting with your boss, or seeing and meeting the apple of your eyes?  NOT surprising, our human responses to these events can vary based on our frame of mind and the circumstances surrounding the situation.  YES, an emotional trigger is anything, include those experiences and memories. How's your EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS???

Health experts always tell us that EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS is a very key component of good EMOTIONAL health.  The harsh truth here is that EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS are indeed associated with post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD].  The bigger picture of our life reflects a mile-long list of common situations that trigger intense emotions.  Rejection.  Betrayal.  Unjust treatment.  Challenged beliefs.  Helplessness.  Loss of control.  Being ignored.  Resistance to criticism.  Feeling unwanted.  Insecurity.  Even feeling smothered OR too needed!@#$%?

Back to the health experts, they counsel us to listen to our mind and body.  And a key step in learning to recognize your triggers involves paying attention WHEN situations generate a strong emotional response. BTW, it is an outlier if we will get into those EMOTIONAL pitfalls NOT until you yourself would experience those common manifestations like pounding heart, upset stomach, sweaty palms, name it💥💥💥

SO, WHAT NEXT?  We are always on the receiving end of this two-word advice: STEP BACK.  WHICH means, WHEN we detect OR start manifesting any of these, STEP BACK to take stock of things and consider WHAT just happened including the result OR response that it seemed to have activated.  Let's take a lift from movie-like settings like the wifey spent the whole day doing deep cleaning at home and even rearranging the living room.  WHEN hubby comes home, he is oblivious of everything and quickly settles on the sofa😕😕😕

Our takeaway:  I've seen it many times that we do STEP BACK after we OR someone has blown his/her top.  Problem is, they stop there instead of tracing the very root cause by following back and thinking back the situation that led you to feel WHAT you're currently feeling.  As the old cliche goes, IT TAKES 2 TO TANGO.  If we break that jinx, it may NOT have been such a gargantuan task, right?  So, HOW'S YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS❓❓❓

Red Flags Are Red Flags

 

Here's a give-away bonus question:  HOW MANY COLORS ARE THERE [just a ball park number please]?  Great, you're right, there are approximately 10 million different colors and that includes the 1,000 shades of light, 100 levels of red-green and 100 levels of yellow-blue.  For the deep-blue theorists, they can argue that there is an infinite number of colors.  BUT we WON'T bury ourselves into that fiasco.  Final BONUS question:  WHAT color raises the highest level of alarm OR call it scare?  YESSSSSS, that's RED, hence the RED flags we hear in life.  BUT in the realm of personal relationships, RED flags are typically behaviors or characteristics that suggest that the other person may NOT be the right one for you📗📙📘

Imagine going on a date for the first time with a person WHO does NOT ask a single personal question?  Obviously that sounds either strange OR implausible BUT more than that, that could raise a RED flag.  BTW, in my many informal exchanges of notes with my close friends, many admitted to having experienced that scenario at least once.  And everyone did agree with me that that did raise a RED flag💥💥💥

On the other hand, it is quite excusable and explainable if some of us will simply shut off his eyes for RED flags of that sort, explaining that that could be a one-off thing and maybe it was neither premeditated nor intentional.  For this thread, let's avoid ending up questioning those personal decisions BUT it behooves that we be mentally [and sometimes emotionially] prepared WHEN those interpersonal RED flags do pop-up and HOW do we react and respond to such circumstances [before we get lost in the maze of things].  For alignment, let us agree that RED flags are typically behaviors OR characteristics from another person that suggest you may NOT want to spend time with them😡😡😡

Maybe, either because one is perceived as either unpleasant, uninteresting OR worse, scary OR dangerous to an extent.  On the other hand, the negative outcomes that could result from interacting with that person will vary.  WHAT is clear, however, is that those RED flags can give us those tell-tale signs [call it 'OMEN' for those NOT so good premonitions]  of potentially worse things to happen [IF that RED flag is ignored]!!!

Our takeaway:  At this point, you might wonder WHY are we spending time on RED flags WHEN there are more important things for us to cover?  NO sirrrrrrs.  Do you want to take the risk of looking the other way around WHEN a RED flag pops-up right in front your nose?  NOT to scare BUT that RED flag could worsen to become a burning RED flag.  BUT instead of scaring us, let us be thankful RED flags  do arise as it gives us that rare reprieve, right???

Congratulations [Once You Face The Mirror]!

 

HOW many zillion times have we heard someone egging OR challenging someone else to FACE THE MIRROR?  Let's take a step back.  The mirror has become the very symbol of that Rubicon Bridge because NOT until we gather all our guts and courage and bundle it with our gumption, then, we could liken that to ourselves [FINALLY] crossing the Rubicon.  And that's WHEN someone will scream, CONGRATULATIONS📗📙📘

Thing is, that space between the conscious and unconscious has always been the beginning of any CHANGE we've started and the thing is, we DON'T change by wanting to CHANGE.  YES, we end up deciding to CHANGE WHEN we see our own self clearly.  And many times, I heard this counsel from many psychologists:  Let us stop compromising OR giving an inch away, akin to self-negotiation because if we develop that habit of self-negotiation, more likely, we keep giving in, giving room to our own qualms, our tentativess, our vascillations, our own doubts with regard our own resoluteness to proceed OR not.  To quote Stoic philosopehr Seneca, our consciousness to level-up is proof and a significant step of transformation and to quote him:  WHOEVER COMES TO A MIRROR TO CHANGE HIMSELF HAS ALREADY CHANGED [by the time he/she does face the mirror].  WHY?  Because the less resolute, the coward-leaning part of our own selves would have skirted OR avoided facing to face that mirror in the first place💦💦💦

And the minute we are ready to face that person in the mirror, as early as that point in time, the CHANGE is already underway and yes, someone behind you can blurt out a loud 'CONGRATULATIONS' to you by then.  Thing is, no one will walk up to the mirror with doubts, uncertainty OR fears that remain lurking all over one's persona.  In a blunt way, you DON'T walk up to the mirror unless something inside you is already awake.  And you DON'T check your reflection unless you're already aware by then that something is 'off'.  And that awareness does change everything going forward and that awareness changes everything going forward.  BTW, this is a factual statement:  NOBODY EVER CHANGED ON IMPULSE💚💛💜

WHAT I learned through the years is that our eventual decision to question our own actions right in front the mirror can even trigger a domino effect.  NOT until we make and take that unconscious conscious enough, we just CAN'T turn things around.  Indeed, life transformation happens the minute we decide to go and face that mirror.  And the second we admit of your precarious situation, by the time you reach and face the mirror, you've already crossed the line by then and what comes next into play is this domino effect which will then start to play BUT very much in your favor.  YES, if there is competition, that comes from within you if you remain stubborn to flip❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Allow me to piggy-back on this very old cliche, that is, IF THERE'S WILL, THERE'S A WAY.  And while it's true that there are a zillion stumbling blocks and humps to overcome along the road, most of the time, the toughest stumbling block and the most difficult hump to overcome is our own self.  Otherwise, no amount of steep slopes of Mount Rushmore OR Mount Everest should ever deter us from moving forward until we receive and hear that loud CONGRATULATIONS [once we [finally] face the mirror]😡😡😡

Never Let Go Of The Rope

 

The recent Covid-19 pandemic did hit us hard BUT if it was a blessing in disguise after all, it gave many of us the singular opportunity to manifest our resilience in the midst of challenging times.  Living and existing through those years with that constant threat of the virus, it did cause an enormous impact on everyone's mental health.  Cases of anxiety and even depression did shoot up everywhere  BUT most of us Never Let Go Of The Rope adapting well to those unexpected debacles in the face of tragedy, trauma, threats OR even myriad sources of stress through those years.  And for some WHO did fail in facing those debacles, they were sometimes surprised HOW the 'survivors' had that RESILIENCE📗📙📘

Many [wrongly] thought that RESILIENCE was something deep 'INSIDE' a person.  NO sirrrrrrsss.  It NEVER was and NEVER will it be.  Instead, it is a process influenced as much OR more by factors 'outside' the person that can lead to better health.  YES YES yow, almost everyone of us did show some evidence of RESILIENCE at least in a few domains.  BUT with the Covid-19 pandemic behind us now, the researchers went on to clinically find out HOW did many of us get through things via RESILIENCE💥💥💥

And this is WHERE practicing acceptance can take work to lead us towards RESILIENCE.  YES dude, acceptance is key like accepting that everyone is just human [and that includes yourself and myself].   IF there is a caveat here, it is the NOT so obvious fact that for us humans, things will NOT always be perfect💧💧💧

For those alone in life, that meant accepting solitude and for some survivors, I had that rare privilege to hear straight from one survivor WHO admitted that he learned to spend more time with himself and to appreciate the things that he DIDN'T before.  And it is indeed important to acknowledge the stress a typical situation can cause before a person can truly accept it and YES, acceptance is a process✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  I learnt this lesson in one of my past trainings from a circuit guru who introduced me to that POSITIVE APPRAISAL approach.  Simply put, it means reframing a negative event in a positive way.  Like shifting from thinking about WHAT that pandemic prevented you from doing to focusing on WHAT it meant you can do like reading OR cooking more.  At the end of the day, let us NEVER LET GO OF THE ROPE, whatever lies ahead down the road❗❗❗

When Emotions Run High

 

When Emotions Run High?  Supposedly, that should NOT be worth like breaking news anymore.  Especially each time there is a BREAKING NEWS.  WHAT else is new?  Except we will witness either despair, delight, optimism, astonishment, sadness, dismay until things boil down to anger and for the optimists, that flicker hope refuses to die down.  Think of elections happening WHEN during the political campaigns, candidates will throw everything on each other, including that old, rusty, rickety kitchen sink.  And when the election results are officially released, obviously, there are just two sides of the coin.  That's WHEN EMOTIONS RUN HIGH.  BUT alas, a more mature society begins with more mature persons💚💛💜

YES, the very first person we need to focus on is the one staring back at us in the mirror.  So, as EMOTIONS RUN HIGH in the days ahead, WHAT else is expected from us BUT to double-down our efforts for us to be led by our values and NOT EMOTIONS.  So HOW?  We always hear experts counsel us to TAKE THE HIGHER GROUND!  WHAT a lofty statement BUT for someone caught up by his emotions, those are hollowed words no less💧💧💧

Dude, this does NOT imply that the experts are encouraging us to get detached, with that "I DON'T CARE" stance BUT rather it is for us to have that broader perspective that will enable us to see things beyond that immediate turbulence rocking an otherwise calm setting to WHAT lies past the immediate horizon and help others to elevate their respective sights as well💥💥💥

Hold on, though.  Please DON'T get me wrong that we're egging you to shrug off your EMOTIONS, NO sirrrrssssss, that's the last and least disservice we can to ourselves.  Instead, we got to acknowledge EMOTIONS BUT on the same breadth, let us focus and re-focus on WHAT needs to get done.  True, every EMOTION is valid [even if we DON'T share OR agree with it].  And WHEN we feel differently from others, it is even more essential to acknowledge their EMOTIONS WHILE reminding them of that "raison d'etre".  And in times of uncertainty, people follow the certain and people around us will want to be certain that we will lead with consistent values and that shared purpose😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  YES YES yowww, can we be like that stoic lighthouse, unperturbed and unbothered by WHATEVER weather conditions it witnesses at the edges of the waters.  YES, much as lighthouses are not human, can we emulate their seemingly deliberate CALM and OPTIMISM even as EMOTIONS are contagious and fear is the most contagious of them all.  Is it too much to ask us to inspire hope, cultivate courage and create space for others to process their EMOTIONS constructively and step forward more effectively even WHEN EMOTIONS RUN HIGH, dude❓❓❓

Kindness Comes Back Tenfold

 

Many would claim that KINDNESS as a talking point is just NOT worth it as it is one of the most boring stuff to talk about.  Really?  BUT for me, KINDNESS is more than just a behavior and that art of KINDNESS involves harboring a spirit of helpfulness, being generous and considerate, and doing so without expecting anything in return.  Rather than viewing it exclusively as an action, WHY DON't we think of KINDNESS as a quality of being WHICH we all can cultivate?  Giving KINDNESS often is simple, free and health-enhancing.  One too many studies have came up with results that yielded increases in self-esteem, empathy and compassion, and that's besides improving one's mood.  Medical experts tell us too that it can decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a hormone directly correlated with stress levels.  And people WHO give of themselves in a balanced way tend to be healthier and live longer.  Indeed, Kindness Comes Back Tenfold!!!

Other studies showed that KINDNESS has been shown to increase one's sense of connectivity with others, decrease loneliness, combat low mood and improve relationships.  It also can be contagious, encouraging others to join in with their own generous deeds.  This morning, our 'Go-to Handyman' sent me a messenger message, seeking help because today is his payment deadline to settle their overdue water utility bills.  Of course, I got concerned because I CAN'T imagine my own home's water source will be disconnected.  As they say, we would rather get cut off with our electricity source rather than the water source.  A need as basic as both electricity and water utilities will be a tough call to make but I realized this morning that I just CAN'T imagine myself OR my family household being in that predicament💧💧💧

If there is another realization that gets uncorked, looking for ways to show KINDNESS can give us something to focus on, especially IF we are anxious OR stressed in certain social situations.  I did hear that physiologically, KINDNESS can positively change one's brain by boosting those levels of serotonin and dopamine.  Experts tell us that these neurotransmitters produce feelings of satisfaction and well-being and in the end, cause the pleasure and rewards centers in our brain to light up.  Endorphins, our body's natural painkiller may also be released WHEN we manifest various forms of KINDNESS [BUT I need to qualify that such manifestations of KINDNESS need to be genuine enough💚💛💜

YES, WHEN we share KINDNESS, it is NOT just HOW we treat people BUT it's also about HOW we extend those same behaviors and intentions to even our own self.  It would be the mother of all ironies if we're so KIND to everyone except to our own self?  Truth is, we have this human tendency to be good at verbally beating our own selves up WHICH does NOT work as a pep talk.  Rather, NEGATIVITY often causes us to unravel and may even create a vicious cycle of regularly letting down our own self, ouch💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Few weeks back, myself and my wife had to combine our efforts in a situation WHERE the solitary efforts of my KINDNESS was NOT sufficient.  WHAT I mean here is that at times, KINDNESS becomes a collaborative effort especially if there seems to be a gargantuan challenge tossed upon us.  And that was WHAT exactly our challenge a few weeks back.  Without getting into details, I have to admit that if I was all by myself, I would have failed in extricating someone from a highly potential tragic end.  BUT as the old cliche goes, TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE and voila, thanks God, that person's life is now back-on-track.  After all the dust settled down, myself and my wife were both thankful that it was us helping us [instead of others helping us out].  That's looking at a half-glass as half-full instead of half-empty😀😀😀

Do We Have More When We Have Less?

Across societies and cultures, there's hardly any difference WHEN dealing with this [default] belief that doing MORE is seen as a GOOD THING and doing LESS is seen as BAD.  Is that true?  Really?  BUT if we hear from some [from many quarters in fact] that in reality, sometimes doing LESS can help us to be more mindful and better able to enjoy WHAT we accomplish.  So, we would hear experts counsel us to start by trying to do just a little less each day to see how it affects our well-being. Problem is, working hard is viewed as that ultimate sign of being a good [and even outstanding] employee.  And learning MORE, taking MORE, doing MORE are positive attributes no less. So,  WILL HAVING  MORE lead to LESS?  Or LESS to MORE❓❓❓

Problem is, we [and I'm guilty of that in the past] DON'T put a lot of positive emphasis on quiet, relaxed moments.  Instead, NOT to a fault, many of us often get caught up by the frenzied and frenetic pace of life we all thought and believed is the way to go.  True, we may think of sleep as necessary BUT many of us DON'T really value the idea of rest for our brains and our bodies.  We even bring the same ethic to our sleep habits💚💛💜

Instead of finding ways to gradually wind down and let ourselves relax enough to fall asleep each night, we work till last minute, sometimes even in bed.  Just in the western world like the United States, studies show that 1 out of 5 adults have trouble sleeping every night.  NOT a big surprise since we have to be able to let go in order to sleep.  WHAT if we tried to do LESS everyday instead of MORE?  We might imagine slowing down and doing LESS would make us lazy OR inefficient❌❌❌

However, even scientific and anecdotal evidence show that DOWNTIME is crucial NOT just to emotional and physical health BUT also to our ability to think, accomplish difficult tasks and be productive.  For instance, still referring to those researches, taking BREAKS can improve our mood, boost our performance, and increase our ability to concentrate and pay more attention💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Heeding WHAT the experts are telling us, doing LESS can help us to be more mindful and even enjoy WHAT we accomplish.  And using and exerting LESS effort to be more influential [and even more powerful] would NOT surprise many practitioners of mindfulness as slowing down and paying attention can help us 'craft a productive life' that we truly feel good about'.  Bottomline is, let us NOT get 'hostaged' by the 'rat race' we are in because a good number of them may run kaput.  YES dude, we can have MORE even WHEN we have LESS😊😊😊

That POWER of PERSPECTIVE!

 

Hello, here's a 'bonus question'.  Do we know THAT POWER of PERSPECTIVE?  THAT it can even fix our problems much faster, with LESS complexity and obviously likely with LESSER efforts?  Now, here's my confession.  Way back, I WASN'T aware of that at all.  I [wrongly] thought then that once I'm facing a problem, I go and deep-dive to fix it, mindful of the element of time that's ticking fast [WHICH is true] BUT then again, I was unaware that the horizons can change favorably based on our PERSPECTIVE of that problem at hand📘📙📗

Many times, I came across this one-liner:  THE WAY WE VIEW THE WORLD AROUND US [ESPECIALLY IN MOMENTS OF TRIAL OR HARDSHIP] AN DETERMINE WHETHER WE MARCH FORWARD WITH RESILIENCE OR STAY STUCK.  So, WHAT is PERSPECTIVE and WHY does it matter, if at all?  Let's simplify things by agreeing that PERSPECTIVE is that lens through which we view life, based on our experiences, emotions and even belief systems.  Simply put, HOW we PERCEIVE our circumstances can either limit OR empower us.  Two people can be in the same situation BUT could have completely different takeaways due to their own PERSPECTIVES📌📌📌

This reminds me of the Stephen Covey course [7 HABITS of HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE] I attended years back.  And Covey tells us of a moment WHEN he got irritated by a father WHOSE kids were acting out on a subway.  And WHEN Covey asked the father to CONTROL his children, the father revealed that they had just come from the hospital WHERE they mother died.  In an instant, Covey's PERSPECTIVE shifted instantly from frustration to compassion💧💧💧

That story underscores HOW powerful a shift in PERSPECTIVE can be.  the circumstances HADN'T changed BUT Covey's view of them had, opening the door for empathy and understanding.  In that training I had, the resource highlighted that that ability to shift PERSPECTIVE did become crucial especially WHEN dealing with personal relationships, marriage OR even the much broader societal issues.  And one of the most profound takeaways from that training is the idea that PERSPECTIVE is a choice.  And looking back, I'll be the first one to admit that sometime in the past, I did find myself viewing situations from a more negative lens due to my past experiences as well💜💛💚

Our takeaway:  WHILE it seems easy to get caught up in negative experiences OR emotions [WHICH did hit me hard many times in the past], our key realization here is that we have that POWER to shift our focus to the good side of things.  Choosing to believe in that good side especially in people, can drastically change HOW we interact with the world and eventually, ease things up the way we handle difficult situations.  And the value of PERSPECTIVES can't be understated WHEN it comes to relationships.  And that principle applies broadly to all relationships.  If we shift our PERSPECTIVE to assume the best in others, we can avoid and pre-empt misunderstandings and instead, deepen our connections.  Talking about that POWER OF PERSPECTIVE😊😊😊

Is Mediocrity Getting Into Your Way?

Is Mediocrity Getting Into Your Way?  Good question BUT quite frankly, WHO cares and WHO bothers to ask that question?  Rarely and hardly any, to be frank about it.  WHY?  Blame it to human nature WHEN we simply shrug off our shoulders.  BUT hey, if we are embracing [even unconsciously] MEDIOCRITY, it goes against the grain, it goes against everything we were taught to believe📗📙📘

Across cultures and centuries, we all witnessed and learned that hard work was valued through and through.  The idea that anyone can succeed with enough hard work forms the backbone of our own dreams.  And surely, our respective dreams have evolved over time and as we speak now, surely we all heard that the concept about dreams has now been associated NOT just with material wealth BUT more in furthering the common good.  Nevertheless, it has always placed a premium on progress, on striving to be better individuals and even as a people💚💛💜

In the most recent times, our own dreams have been more often closely aligned with the kind of economic prosperity required to own a big home, a nice car and even the latest iPhone, with cash to spare for a glamorous holiday every summer.  The catch there is for one to pursue that prosperity in the midst of our capitalist society, anyone NOT born into immense wealth has to work for it.  So, it's least surprising that, regardless of cultures, we all lionize hard work, and that we're raised to earn and achieve as much as we can💦💦💦

From an early age, we are taught that we can be anything we want to be, that with enough elbow grease, we can accomplish grandiose things.  The subtext being that we should accomplish BIG things no matter WHAT it takes to get there.  And for the longest time, I bought into that mindset.  As of 2024, more than three quarters of adults report feeling stressed at work and almost 60% of them experience elements of 'burnout' and another 20% feel that they work in a 'toxic environment❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Unsurprisingly, studies show that ambitious people did achieve more lucrative and prestigious careers BUT when it came to life satisfaction, the researchers DIDN'T find a strong connection to ambition.  In spite of professional success, 'go-getters' were NOT significantly happier OR healthier than less ambitious people. Problem here can be traced all the way back to MEDIOCRITY especially if it's getting into our way😔😔😔