You Can't Be Everyone's CUP OF TEA[And That's A-OK !!!!!]

 

Very true, YOU CAN'T BE EVERYONE'S CUP OF TEA [and THAT's A-OK !!!!!].  There's a unique kind of freedom in realizing that you DON'T have to be loved OR understood by everyone  In this frenzied world that constantly pushes us to fit in [sometimes NOT obligingly], to be LIKED and to MEET expectations, it is that easy to feel like something is wrong with us WHEN we DON'T.  BUT here's the truth.  You were NOT made to be everyone's favorite and you DON'T have to be.  Verily true, NOT everyone will appreciate your quirks, your passions, OR the way you express yourself [and that's perfectly A-OK].  We need to note that we are NOT here to mold ourselves into a version to please others📘📙📗

SO HOW?  Dude, we are here to be that authentic, that raw, that genuine enough and unapologetic at that.  I remember someone was widely quoted "DON'T WATER YOURSELF DOWN JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE CAN'T HANDLE YOUR FULL FLAVOR".  I also remember my lifelong premise that generally, when you walk into a room with 10 people, expect 10 unique personalities and YES, 10 different opinions.  Once you deliver your spiel, DON'T expect them to be your 'rah-rah' cheering squad because these days, people will even invoke 360-feedbacking, WHICH is skewed because peddling one's opinion was never in-scope for the 360-feedbacking practice!!!

Very true, there will be people WHO will criticize you until you reach the precipice of the mountain.  Brace yourself, people will criticize you, misunderstand you OR will simply walk away and it's NOT because you lack something at that moment.  Likely, it's because you did NOT 'meet the bar', they DIDN'T hear from you WHAT they wanted to hear.  In short, at that moment, you are NOT their taste.  BUT let us NOT lose hope because someone out there will savor every part of WHO you are and those are the people WHO matter most in your life, the genuinely appreciative people WHO fully know and understand you well enough, INSIDE OUT😋😋😋

In the corporate world, things can be ten times tougher.  I remember I had to collaborate with our Global Sales Enablement for a major deal we were working on.  Even after I squeezed myself 'HIGH AND DRY' to infuse all my inputs into the bid proposal, I told myself to temper my expectations and at best, expect the 'worst feedback'.  WHY?  Apparently, it is human nature to look for something that's NOT IN THERE.  I remember I was doing some window-shopping and shoppers would walk IN AND OUT.  And within hearing distance, I heard 99% of them and almost all were looking for something that was NOT in that product display❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  This highly pressured world we live in DOESN'T need another version, another copy of yourself.  Instead, WHAT it needs are people WHO are brave [literally speaking] enough to stand to their truth, EVEN IF that truth ISN'T always welcomed with open arms.  Your own WORTH does NOT and will NOT decrease simply because someone else fails to see it.  It shines regardless, steady and unwavering.  So, STOP shrinking to fit into pieces that were NEVER MEANT for you. STOP apologizing for being different and instead be bold and unyielding.  YOU CAN'T BE EVERYONE'S CUP OF TEA [AND THAT'S A-OK]!!!

Do We Pivot When We Make A Mistake?

 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation WHERE life throws a massive curveball your way, leaving you feeling so overwhelmed and unsure of your NEXT STEPS?  YES dude, I've been there, in that deep dungeon several times in the past, and as I learned through the rough-and-tumble game of life, we need to have the balls to PIVOT WHEN WE MAKE A MISTAKE📗📙📘

Problem is, PIVOT is so overused [and because of that, it has been essentially ignored [even by myself sometimes]] BUT the problem is, PIVOT DOESN'T even ping your radar anymore.  Listening to psychologists, PIVOTING may NOT mean WHAT you think it means and it's NOT always the best way to navigate a crisis.   The first mistake being highlighted is that we tend to use PIVOT as a 'catch all' word to describe a change in a situation💧💧💧

Problem is, much as many of us are consciously aware of PIVOTING, sometimes we tend to be 'shooting straight from the hip'.  Problem is, off-the-cuff reactions would mean that actions are taken OR effected with the least logical OR practical thinking to process.  LIKE those knee-jerk reactions.  LIKE emotionally-triggered actions bereft of a purposeful meaning.  That leaves you in the damp even before the next twist happens💥💥💥

Bottomline is, it all boils down for us to be LEARNING FROM [our] MISTAKES.  PIVOT OR NOT, we should all piggy-back and run an 'RCA' [root cause analysis] for each faux pas we make.  PIVOTING for the sake of running away from a problem DOESN'T resolve the problem with finality.  End-result is that unclosed problems keep piling up till things get compounded❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  I CAN'T disagree more with this one-liner BUT I need to qualify and harp back that a mistake NOT RCA'd [i.e. root cause analysis] may mean that lightning could hit you again.  Regrettably, that could trigger a vicious cycle that will go and run berserk.  In the shortest word, YES, PIVOT WHEN you make a misstep BUT never lose sight that PIVOTING is only a QUICK FIX and may NOT be the FINAL FIX dude😌😌😌

What You Seek Is Seeking You

 

Persian Sufi Poet Rumi has been widely quoted many times:  WHAT YOU SEEK IS SEEKING YOU.  I believe this is stating the obvious BUT WHAT makes this quotable quote from Rumi stand out is the fact that it is truly relevant everyday in our life.  Samplings of this truism:  Someone was awarded a scholarship @Harvard.  WHY & HOW he bagged it?  BECAUSE he did SEEK for it.  That NY trader who amassed a huge windfall from the recent downturn of the market.  WHY & HOW he got it?  BECAUSE he was very closely monitoring the market behavior [and NOT to encourage INSIDER TRADING because this is a breach as per regulators BUT even that illegitimate INSIDER TRADING is happening because someone did SEEK for it.  That proud groom-to be about to get married with the Miss Universe candidate from Venezuela, Americas OR the Philippines.  WHY & HOW?  It's because he did SEEK and woo his bride-to be💚💛💜

For Christians, even the Bible gets to quote this SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND verse in Matthew 7:7.  Looking back through the years, if I had one pursuit that was embedded within me, it is the 'SEEK' mindset, akin to the 'heat-seeking' missiles that ultimately led to the fatal end of Iraq's despised despot, Saddam Hussein.  I can rattle off HOW many times I did SEEK out for something?  A zillion times I recall📌📌📌

WHEN I dreamt to work in the corporate world, I did SEEK the biggest possible players and I ended up with Shell Oil.  WHEN I was angling for a management role [WHICH I can't secure so soon @Shell Oil because many of my colleagues were digging on the 'long haul'], I did bag that management role @Dole Food.  WHEN I started to believe that the GRASS IS GREENER AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE, I started eyeing at the Singapore job market.  In God's Grace, I [very smoothly] transitioned WHEN I migrated to Singapore.  WHEN I thought it's inevitable to run the full circle [and go back to my home country], no less than the country head of a U.S. MNC flew over to Singapore to interview me.  And YES, I did bag that equally juicy role back in my country.  WHEN I told myself that I was a born 'road warrior', I got it as I enjoyed every business trip even if it entailed 'living in a suitcase' alongside the long haul flights😋😋😋

Flipping things, WHAT IF we DON'T seek out things?  Of course that is one's prerogative.  NO one can compel us to do so.  BUT be prepared to face the ramifications, WHICH could be long, like:

• MISSING OUT opportunities - that's stating the obvious
• MISSING OUT the better option - ending with bread crumbs
• MISSING OUT borrowed time - lost time is lost time, period
• MISSING OUT better benefits - benefits are NOT constants!
• MISSING OUT efforts exerted - efforts are NOT constants!
• MISSING OUT upsides - which are NOT constants either!
• MISSING OUT all other upsides - which are NOT constants

Our takeaway:  NO hard-sell here.  NO sales pitch either.  A hell lot out there is for our taking.  And to egg and convince someone to go full throttle is akin to doing a disservice to the person.  From a physics perspective, the energy should be ignited from within [and NOT via any other extension].  WHILE success is NEVER guaranteed, let's agree that your probability of succeeding is much higher if you SEEK WHAT YOU WANT TO SEEK❗❗❗

Is the UNKNOWN Really UNKNOWN?

 

Is the UNKNOWN REALLY UNKNOWN?  NOT really dude.  Let us NOT listen to a motherhood statement because that's baloney no less.  As uncertainty is embedded within our lives, people WHO fear the UNKNOWN may find it emotionally difficult WHEN they experience uncertainty.  The light at the end of the tunnel though, tells us that some of us may also exert efforts and hard enough to seek certainty.  Sadly, the fear of the UNKNOWN has links to phobias, fears, and even anxieties.  HOW someone reacts to uncertainty really depends on multiple factors and that includes individual coping strategies OR worse, that intensity of fear itself.  Psychologists did share this practical advice:  IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF WHETHER THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN CONTROLS YOU OR NOT,  THERE IS A SIMPLE CHECK💚💛💜

SO HOW?  The experts advised us that WHEN YOU ENVISION YOUR NEAR FUTURE, DOES IT MAKE YOU EXCITED OR ANXIOUS?  In case you are thrilled about stepping into that UNSEEN FUTURE, the experts tell us that that is a GOOD SIGN that you engage in less NEGATIVE thinking and have an optimistic outlook on HOW your present actions will bear fruits in the future.  BUT here's the BIG BUT.  If you nodded in agreement with the latter option, it is likely that NEGATIVE thoughts have that stronghold in your mind❎❎❎

Allow me to share the JOHARI WINDOW as it is a practical tool that helps us understand our own selves [and even others].  While this is often adopted in teambuilding events, it is a convenient and practical method to achieve the task of understanding and enhancing communications amongst people.  Obviously, before we even endeavor to understand others, we got to clearly understand ourselves.  WHAT IF we are in that 'blurred' state as well?  Experts have also coined the 3 P's that govern a default trajectory WHEN it comes to facing and managing the UNKNOWNS💥💥💥

• PREDICT - That's predicting the prospective tomorrow, the unforeseen with numerous known variables and UNKNOWNs
• PREPARE - To a certain extent, we can prepare for the KNOWN UNKNOWNs
• PRAY - Verily true, WHEN it comes to uncharted UNKNOWNs, we have NO control as it can sprint out anytime 

Our takeaway:  Allow me to lengthily quote American author Elizabeth Gilbert - "IF YOU ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO LEAVE BEHIND EVERYTHING FAMILIAR AND COMFORTING AND IF YOU ARE TRULY WILLING TO REGARD EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU ON THAT JOURNEY AS A CLUE, THEN THE TRUTH WILL NOT BE WITHELD FROM YOU.  At the end of the day, it is our own selves WHO make it either easier OR harder in facing the UNKNOWNs dude😌😌😌

Decisions [And NOT Outcomes] Matter

WHO can blame us if we are so results-oriented, so focused with the impending outcomes because for the longest time, our overall persona did evolve alongside that approach.  The old school of thought always told us that it's the end-result that matters, the final outcome is the most important thing to focus on.  And this is WHEN we're missing out the boat because of this off-tangent logic.  Decisions [And NOT Outcomes] Matter.  Yes, obviously, decisions will eventually lead to the outcomes BUT WHY should we put the cart ahead of the horse???

Over time, I have seen, heard and witnessed some people rushing to make DECISIONS on the basis that that DECISION can be overridden OR tweaked IF and WHEN needed.  And I DON'T totally disagree with it.  BUT WHAT gets missed out here are as follows:

• Ramifications of a wrong decision takes effect immediately [it just CAN'T be future-timed]
• Unlike technology, there is NO UNDO in human DECISIONS, give OR take a few exceptions
  

Multiple researches studied human DECISION-making within the confines of the laboratory with hypothetical DECISIONS that may OR may NOT involve the DECISION-maker's values, passions or other areas of expertise.  And their assumption is that the findings of these well-controlled laboratory studies will shed light n the important DECISIONS people make in their everyday lives.  The bigger challenge down the road is for us WHO hope to progress [over time] to eventually catapult themselves in leadership roles💥💥💥

And through the years, I have witnessed leaders WHO have proven their mettle as leaders.  Sadly, as an avid geo-politics student, multiple times I did witness leaders WHO lost by default because they spent precious time way prior to formulating DECISIONS.  And WHILE they can claim that caution is our best tool to avert mistakes, WHAT IF the DECISION-maker's timing of his DECISION 'missed the boat'?  WHAT IF the DECISION came too little, too late?  Isn't that more frustrating because a mistake [OR blunder] was committed simply because of the off-timing???

Our takeaway:  Unlike content material in today's social and electronic media, DECISION-making CAN'T piggy-back on the coattails of technology because the latter has got nothing to do with the former.  A correct DECISION done a step late becomes an incorrect DECISION.  The best intentions and act of goodwill may be embedded in such DECISIONS but WHAT decimates late OR ill-timed DECISIONS is that it looses its relevance WHEN time slips through.  YES dude, DECISIONS [AND NOT OUTCOMES] MATTER in life😊😊😊

Spend More Time READING Rather Than Scrolling

Spend More Time READING Rather Than Scrolling

This should NOT be debated BUT I've to confess that I've been seating at the edges of my chair, itching to raise this up.  So, the bigger question looming over us us:  Should we Spend More Time READING Rather Than Scrolling?  You might get back to me and retort:  WHAT'S WRONG WITH SCROLLING?  Flatly, I'll say that there is NOTHING wrong with SCROLLING if that eats up roughly 10% of your slack time.  BUT WHAT IF I tell you that many of us spend approximately 50% of their slack time SCROLLING and SCROLLING?  50% and above should be an outlier!!!

Good for us, technology has been of extreme help for us.  I have to admit that these days, I very rarely go to the local bookstore to buy hard bounds, if at all.  Instead, e-Books are our best option [it's much cheaper on apples-to-apples].  BUT WHAT's going on instead?  Social media has lorded it over, taking over our lives [at least our slack time [BUT THAT'S HUGE!]!!!

Please DON'T get me wrong though.  Studies show how impactful technology has been to us.  Portable devices are changing the way we read OR consume content.  And research studies support those findings and the novel of it is that people tend to read more on screen than on paper.  Many of us, however, are still NOT comfortable with our changing reading behavior.  Worse thing, with our waning interest, social media has taken advantage of it by pulling us more into scrolling instead, whew!@#$%?

C'mon dude, reading is a crucial learning activity.  And BTW, reading has NO AGE BOUNDARIES.  WHO says that you should slacken off your reading when you hit 40, 50 OR 60?  My take here is that, there is more truth to the opposite understanding because as you hit 40, 50 OR 60, obviously you have much more time to spare, right?  There have been plenty of studies showing HOW screen reading affects our brain.  Some even welcome the fact that screens afford more enriching experiences for us.  Others, though, maintain that they're NOT ideal and may even reduce one's attention span [Oh, I heard this lame excuse many times]❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Please allow me to share these basic approaches I've adopted along the way:

• Short-form reading works well on screen.  Let us leverage on the enhanced 'look and feel' we have!
• Digital contents have been presented to be more 'scannable' and much easier to 'digest visually'
• As non-linear reading is rising, texts are shorter to read

Yes dude, SPEND MORE TIME READING RATHER THAN SCROLLING💚💛💜

Is RECIPROCITY Still The Way To Go?

 

IS RECIPROCITY STILL THE WAY TO GO?  I'd quip, YES and NO.  YES because, even our forefathers and previous generations, they all cascaded down the line that we should embrace RECIPROCITY, unconditionally.  BUT here's the thing.  Things are NOT getting simpler and life itself is NOT just purely X's and O's anymore📗📙📘

Putting things in the right context, RECIPROCITY is a process of exchanging things with other people to gain a mutual benefit.  That norm of RECIPROCITY has evolved to become a social norm WHERE if someone does something for you, you then feel kind of obligated to return the favor.  BUT the thing here is that, generally, people tend to feel 'OBLIGATED' to return favors after people do favors for them as well.  Time to flip things💥💥💥

WHAT IF someone frequently does you a disservice.  OR to put things bluntly, WHAT IF someone continues to hurt you [WHETHER that's verbally, emotionally OR otherwise] premeditatedly?  OR WHAT IF a work colleague continues to give you that 'cold shoulder' in official functions OR even right in front your bosses.  OR WHAT IF you really thought someone deserves to be your close friend BUT in reality, that person seems to be intentionally hurting you by his/her behaviors and manifestations?  Someone might scream here like "IT'S A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH".  Oooops, let cooler heads prevail here💚💛💜

NOW, if you throw back those scenarios right in my face, HOW do I handle it?  This is WHERE my take here is that we need to 'tweak' reciprocity based on the circumstances at hand.  IF someone continues to hurt you [even as you're flabbergasted as to WHY], pull the brakes and figure things out WHY.  If you work in tandems and yet your supposed partner at work continues to do the opposite things on you, pull-in your partner for a 1-on-1 and for validation, if your observation is correct and if so, WHY IS IT SO???

Our takeaway:  RECIPROCITY is NOT akin to 'one size that fits all'.  Instead, we need to handle each situation uniquely, factoring-in the circumstances at hand.  Worst thing we should be watchful of is NEGATIVE RECIPROCITY when another person is trying to eke out OR extract something from you more than WHAT he earlier extended over to you.  So, while RECIPROCITY IS STILL THE WAY TO GO, let us not practice it 'hook, line and sinker'❎❎❎

Prove Or Disprove Your Assumptions!

At the workplace, by default, we DON'T breathe and breathe based on assumptions.  Instead, decisions are generally data-driven. WHEN we close-out something, it is likely an informed DECISION because WHERE possible, it is NOT ideal to come up with DECISIONS based on ASSUMPTIONS [unless such ASSUMPTIONS are variable in an equation.  WHAT's the ASK here?  Either we PROVE or DISPROVE our Assumptions!!!

To briefly piggy-back into our project management jargon, we define an ASSUMPTION as an 'event' with a probability of over 50% and if the probability of the 'event' is also less than 100%, it becomes a risk.  From a layman's perspective, we do make ASSUMPTIONS from time to time, even without exerting an effort to figure out its probability [BUT that's fine, we DON'T need to do those number-crunching stuff in our personal life].  The perilous part of ASSUMPTIONS is that if we hinge a future event to be triggered by an ASSUMPTION which we are clueless as regards its probability.  And rather than ram things through your throat, we'd like to encourage you to take the 'WHAT IF' path📌📌📌

WHAT IF you assumed you will receive financial bonuses and on that note, you started planning for an overseas family holiday?  WHAT IF, that expected financial bonuses DIDN'T come?  WHAT IF your whole family is excited to drive in the countryside BUT alas, you missed out to book your hotel and then you assumed that the hotels will NOT be fully booked even during those travel dates you were eyeing.  WHAT IF there is no available room by the time you arrive at your hotel destination😕😕😕

Much as we DON'T want this thread to be drawn from the context of the workplace, it becomes inevitable to draw the parallelism because that's exactly WHAT's transpiring at the workplace.  ASSUMPTIONS and RISKS are constant parts of the equation, albeit their value are variable.  Back to our personal life, before things turn awry, it is essential that we adopt the WHAT IF approach as a pre-emptive move❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  WHERE possible, consider injecting all possible WHAT IF scenarios for every decision you close-out based on a set of ASSUMPTION.  You might ask, WHAT will it take to plot the WHAT IF scenarios?  Dude, it will entail NOT much efforts except that you need to widen your thought process and dump out of the window any blockers.  YES dude, let us either PROVE OR DISPROVE OUR ASSUMPTIONS💥💥💥

The Downside Of Humility?

 

Is HUMILITY worth our talking point today?  Sounds a boring topic, right?  Considering that HUMILITY has always been recognized as a virtue worth cultivating.  And it's pointless to argue about it given its long list of numerous advantages for us to try becoming a HUMBLE person.  BUT psychologists recently uncorked something.  Does Humility Have a DOWNSIDE???

Recent research data have been released to show that HUMILITY has its 'dark side'.  And surprisingly, it is something that has largely gone unnoticed, NOT even by psychology SMEs, until recently as those new data sets show that HUMILITY has some significant costs.  And these findings suggest as to WHY it might be so hard for many of us to cultivate this ancient virtue all of us valued in life💥💥💥

To pry into one particular research, it says that, apparently, there are different kinds of expressions of HUMILITY.  Farther down, HUMILITY around our own beliefs OR worldviews is known as INTELLECTUAL HUMILITY, our own ability to admit WHAT we DON'T know, admitting our own limitation, expressing our beliefs in a non-defensive manner and have that willingness to change our beliefs WHEN strong evidence arises❗❗❗

BUT here comes a bit of a shocker as the SMEs claim that there might be situations WHEN this strength [of our own intellectual HUMILITY] may feel like a liability.  HOW?  That is, in some situations, feelings of security and certainty might be more appealing [and maybe even psychologically necessary].  So, to understand that sort of 'dark side' of HUMILITY, we are advised to first appreciate some of our existential realities that come with being human.  And all of us must come to terms with some 'givens' of us humans.  A concrete example is WHEN each of us have to make decisions from countless options and live with the ramifications of those decisions.  And that's WHEN we're 'gripped' with anxiety trying to to make critical decisions😕😕😕

Our takeaway:  One reality we must all face is isolation itself, WHICH is the awareness that each of us enter into and depart from this world completely alone.  Our daily existence is marked by a unique experience.  And no one knows WHAT it is like to be us NOR do we know WHAT it is like to be someone else.  For this reason, we continue to strive to earn the validation and approval of others as we want them to affirm our experiences as real as in our mind, endorsement of our experiences will serve as an affirmation of our humanity.  The BIG ASK on us is to navigate our way through the labyrinths of HUMILITY so we DON'T end up on its dark side💚💛💜

[It Seems] Health Is NOT Valued Until Sickness Comes

 

English writer Thomas Fuller is widely quoted by this:  HEALTH IS NOT VALUED UNTIL SICKNESS COMES.  If nothing else, the recent Covid-19 Pandemic has revealed this to be true.  We DON'T always appreciate our health WHEN we feel good BUT we miss it terribly WHEN we experience an illness.  To be precise, the word 'HEALTH' can apply to different areas of our well-being:  physical, emotional, mental, interpersonal and so on📗📙📘

Knock on wood, if sickness hits us in any of these areas can cause our whole being to spiral into various levels of 'unwellness'.  I DON'T want to speak like a medical expert but even as a layman, I believe you will agree that our goal should be to attain holistic health.  I heard this a couple of time WHEREIN we put so much focus in other areas of our health BUT miss on one area we [wrongly] thought is immaterial💧💧💧

And experts concocted a coinage for this, tagging it as UNBALANCED EXISTENCE.  Like we heed a specific call BUT we neglect the equally other important areas of our health.  So, WHAT happens, for the sake of the call, many will abandon self-care and thus suffer the consequences of poor health.  NOT to be cynical about this BUT like almost many others, it is unlikely that we will be inclined to change our habits UNLESS [knock on wood] we receive a 'SHOCK' BUT ISN'T it would be hundred times easier to change habits WITHOUT that 'SHOCK'?  If only we can take and embrace this proposition, the importance and priority of our health will very likely shoot up💥💥💥

NOW let's dig deeper as to WHAT really is ailing many of us.  It is important to remember that generally, people only CHANGE a habit IF they are prepared to give something up to make that CHANGE and this could be as perverse as seeking attention.  This explains WHY global organizations have been creative enough, like 'incentivizing' health employees.  Taking the 'Xtra' mile, in my latest organization, we even introduced yoga WHICH is proven to have a positive effect on health.  And still farther down, even 101 sessions about financial managements come into play because an employee with sound 'financials' will likely have a greater 'peace of mind'😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  There should be NO need for any sales pitch to accentuate the importance of our HEALTH because we would surely all agree that WHEN things go down south, it will be bad

or critically bad enough for us.  And NOT to scare, sometimes, the initial triggers are akin to those tectonic plates which will start off with slight movements until the intensity worsens.  Over to our lives, WHEN we get hit with a HEALTH issue, there is always that probability that the problem will NOT only worsen BUT mother of all things, that problem can get compounded, causing a domino effect, with each domino in our life falling down until we run out of it.  Dude, it's NEVER late to VALUE OUR HEALTH NOW as in NOW💚💛💜