Life Is What We Make It

 Life Is What We Make It

As we grow older [and more mature], let's face it, life will only get HARDER.  Please DON'T get me wrong, I'm NOT trying to unduly raise alarms.  BUT once we accept that reality, we can embark in our journey with an open mind.  And deep inside me, I always believed that having a POSITIVE outlook on life will help us to get through many hard times.  I've witnessed families WHO lost their loved ones in a tragic way.  I did witness people crying and let sorrow fill their lives BUT at the end of the day, we always need to maintain an optimistic attitude in life WHILE at the same time, we are cautioned NEVER to take anything so seriously because our  Life Is What We Make It.  The only thing that is permanent is the way we react📗📙📘

LIKE WHEN we are going up a crowded stairs and we trip and fall right on our face, true it might seem embarrassing BUT can we just laugh it off?  it might seem to be a huge deal at the time BUT pouting about it will NOT make anything better at all.  Instead, we need to keep our head up and laugh it off.  I always remember that NONE of the little things are permanent OR define WHO I am.  The only thing that is permanent is the way we react to these situations❎❎❎

If at all, another reason we need to keep that cheerful attitude is because life is short.  Without sounding alarms,  we NEVER know WHEN our last moments on earth will be.  SHOULDN'T we all be seizing the opportunity to be happy?  Every old person I encounter tells me that teenage years are the best days of our life that we will remember for a long time.  And I DON'T believe that we should waste dwelling on the NEGATIVE.  Yes, we want to remember those days as bright, hopeful days and NOT stressful days.  YES, let's endeavor to remain as POSITIVE as possible throughout our life as I firmly believe that we need to remember our days as bright and hopeful ones💧💧💧

Traversing our daily lives, if we limit our choices only to WHAT seems possible OR reasonable, there is a high probability that we will end up disconnecting ourselves from WHAT we truly want, and all that is left is compromise.  Without casting premature calls of judgements, our present life is the result of all the choices we have made up until this moment.  And we are the only one responsible for WHERE we are right now, for HOW our life looks, for HOW we get treated by those around us💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Even WHEN it boils down to the quality of our life, if we want to change the quality of relationships we have, we have to start by taking responsibility for everything.  Indeed, for everything! And if we keep doing the same things over and over again, we will end up with the same results [TRUST ME on that!] .  And our life will LIKELY change the moment we decide that it's TIME TO CHANGE, it's as simple as that, all starting with a thought, an idea and based on that, actions will follow suit.  YES dude, LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT!!!

Be Xtra wary of 2FA [Two-Factor Authentication]

 

Be Xtra wary of 2FA [Two-Factor Authentication].  Ooops, I'm not saying we should ditch 2FA's because that's way beyond our purview.  If 2FA is WHAT your banker offers, WHAT can we do then?  Let's spell it as V-I-G-I-L-A-N-C-E no less.  NOT to speak like those doomsayers, 2FA is NOT the end-of-the-world BUT alas, good for us, things are evolving.  Breaking news today, Google is ditching 2FA and replace it with QR codes.  HOW and WHY QR code is a thousand miles much better than 2FA, let's take that on💥💥💥

So, WHAT are the perils of 2FA?  It's that surprisingly easy to get hold of an SMS code.  If someone steals your smartphone, for example, those scammers will be able to access ALL [as in ALL] of the SMS codes it receives.  BUT take note that scammers DON'T need physical access to intercept your SMS codes.  In fact, they can do this while sitting in another part of the globe!@#$%?

Scammers can trick your telco carrier into 'TAKING OVER' your phone's SIM card.  From here they can disable your SIM card and transfer all the services over to their own so they can remotely access all SMS codes sent to your SMS number.  If your bank account is protected by SMS-based 2FA, for instance, they will receive the code on their own device, then authenticate themselves and voila, break into your account, ouch.  Some scammers are even engaging in a practice known as TRAFFIC PUMPING❎❎❎

So WHAT'S TRAFFIC PUMPING?  These scammers will fool organizations [and BANKS!] into sending large number of SMS messages to a set numbers [they earlier 'HOSTAGED'] which these scammers "NOW OWN".  They make a profit from those messages while the rest of us deal with a deluge of spam.  By moving away from SMS-based 2FA, Google hopes to limit these incessant scams around us😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  Just to share a bit of authentication options, I have had the chance wherein instead of relying on SMS-based authentication, the organization uses a dedicated 'AUTHENTICATOR APP' [a.k.a. password-less Passkeys System] that Google itself is pushing quite a bit.  WHEN using an authenticator app, the code generates every 30 seconds on a secure service that is controlled only by YOU and NOT by those telco carriers.  Authenticator apps themselves require biometric authentication and can be password protected as well and that adds an Xtra layer of security.  Meanwhile, until your banker's authentication does migrate to true-blue 'AUTHENTICATOR APPs', please be Xtra Xtra Xtra cautious by NOT getting tricked with all the 'modus operandi' hovering all over us❗❗❗

Nipping Things In The Bud

Talking about conflicts in life, YES it happens and that's pretty normal, very much part of relationships, WHETHER it's our family relationships or those at the workplace.  True, conflicts can be uncomfortable and challenging for many of us BUT psychologists counsel us that there are pre-emptive ways even WHEN we end up in difficult conversations because WHAT matters is for us to be navigating disagreements with others.  In that way, rather than being part of a conflict, we could be Nipping Things In The Bud📗📙📘

Let's swing into real-life situations.  WHEN we have disagreements with someone, WHAT do we do next?  Do we tend to ignore the problem and avoid the person?  OR do we confront the person right away?  OR do we look for a compromise?  Everyone has a different way of approaching conflict and frankly, there is NO correct approach because each option and alternative has its own UPsides and DOWNsides. It pains me in real life to be aware that some people WHO used to be 'soul sisters' OR 'soul brothers' for many decades are NOT and NEVER on talking terms [even as we speak now].  To my inquisitiveness, I feel bewildered WHY neither one of either parties have reached out???

All these boil down to understanding HOW we personally deal with the conflict at hand and HOW your own style could even clash with someone else's.  Once we understand HOW we will handle the conflict, we can then take steps to prevent it and work more effectively with others WHEN it does arise.  NOT sure WHAT is your 'conflict style' then?  Fact is, if you do anticipate a brewing disagreement even in the beginning, pay attention to any thoughts OR behaviors that could fuel a negative approach to resolve the issue💧💧💧

Without claiming to be a self-proclaimed expert in handling conflicts, allow me to share my first pre-emptive step in life.  WHERE possible, I'll endeavor to strengthen my relationships with others with the end view of preventing conflict.  And WHEN we have that strong connection with someone, it can be easier to focus on the problem and work together to find a solution rather than assuming the other is at fault.  Sharing with others will allow us to develop empathy and resolve disagreements amicably💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Communicating can be tough.  I can attest to that because once I stepped out of my home country, I had to ramp-up my soft skills in interacting with my workmates and even clients across cultures, name it, the Chinese, Indian, Malaysian, European and even Singaporean cultures.  I even had to learn the rudiments of body languages, LIKE WHAT does it mean WHEN Indians shake their heads sideways, etc.  So, it was a hell lot of balancing act for me BUT I had to learn it fast so I can NIP THINGS IN THE BUD!!!

Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!

Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!

This is NOT a headline-grabbing stuff BUT generally, I observe that some of us [and I'm guilty of that sometime in my past] take life for granted UNTIL we DON'T, OR worse, UNTIL we CAN'T.  And WHILE some of us DON'T take it for granted once we realize that our time is pretty short in this world, sadly for others, they literally run out of time before they could take out part of it to think about its scarcity.  WHEN was the last time we took a step back from our chaotic life and showed gratitude for being alive?  Sadly, some of us start our days either being anxious by our life's problems OR frustrated at yesterday's brutalities WHILE neglecting the 'miracle happening' with every rising sun.  Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]📗📙📘

Think about it, we never ask WHY shouldn't our bodies had given up on our own self in the night considering that many of us NEVER bother to take of them.  I came across this impressive one-liner from the late great Steve Jobs: 'IF YOU LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST DAY, SOMEDAY YOU'LL MOST CERTAINLY BE RIGHT'.  That made me realize life's mysteries and truths [including the NOT so obvious truths].  That made me realize life's limitations limitations💦💦💦

Oh Oh Oh, that was the first time I got to think about death and my mortality.  Way back, living the better part of the decade knowing this, that led me to realize the directions in life.  Despite all that, there were times WHEN I still forgot this lesson as much as many of us, sometimes ending up even messing my life.  Admittedly, I knew the intellectual concept of death BUT several times in the past I forgot it as a reality until I realized then that I had to put a concrete effort for every conscious breath I have💥💥💥

All these times, I took knowing for realizing WHEN they are two quite different things. We often know WHAT is right OR wrong  BUT we get to realize it WHEN it intersects with our radius of reality and suddenly becomes all real.  A smoker reads that smoking cause heart strokes BUT he DOESNT stop until he gets hit with a minor stroke [sadly].  Knowledge itself is NOT power until we can think that knowledge is as real in our life as it is on paper😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  No one amongst us can deny the fact that this 21st century has been as chaotic and overwhelming as we have all anticipated and adding to the fact that even this is going to end one day DOESN'T help much with the motivation to live.  However, just like anything, it can be a glass half full OR half empty. NOT to scare anyone of us BUT dude, to quote, our 'LIFE IS NOT A STOPWATCH.  IT IS A COUNTDOWN TIMER' BTW'.  Back to our dilemma, Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!!!

How Often Are You Late?

How Often Are You Late?

Supposedly, being LATE should never be a talking point, right?  How Often Are You Late?  Many psychologists do warn us to NEVER downplay and NEVER under-estimate that issue of being LATE because according to them, there are deep-rooted personality characteristics at play, making lateness a very difficult habit to break.  A blunt analogy is, telling a late person to be on time is like telling a dieter NOT to eat much📙📗📘

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By a stretch, if it were that easy, then we WON'T hear about 'weight watchers'.  NOW, to tackle the bull by its horn, if being LATE is an issue, let's ask ourselves, WHAT KIND OF LATE are you?  The first step towards laziness is self-awareness.  Sit down and go over your own patterns.  Are you LATE to everything OR just some things? HOW do you feel WHEN you're late?  WHAT causes one to run behind?  Frankly, IF you're always LATE by roughly the same amount of time, that could be a psychological hurdle, right???

On the other hand, if your LATENESS is quite erratic, like late by 10 minutes at one time and by 30 minutes another time, your problem will more likely be 'mechanical' more than anything else.  Then, the mountain slopes DON'T seem too steep to climb because likely, it's your time management skills that needs to work. Surprisingly, there are various types of person that could be struggling with being LATE😕😕😕

There's the DEADLINER, one WHO enjoys the rush at the last minute, one WHO thrives on urgency and often claims to work best WHEN under pressure.  Oh, really?  Then there's the PRODUCER who needs to get things done in as little time as possible, one WHO feels better about oneself WHEN he's checking things off a massive TO-DO list.  And these PRODUCERS tend to engage in 'magical thinking'.  Then, there's the absent-minded professor vulnerable to distraction as they often lose track of time, misplacing the car key and even missing appointments❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Let's agree on this baseline, that is, people typically identify with more than one LATENESS personality.  So, WHAT is making you LATE?   Watch yourself carefully to identify WHAT is actually making you LATE.  BTW, texting that "I'LL BE 5 MINUTES LATE" DOESN'T absolve you OR buy you any extra time.  So, HOW OFTEN ARE YOU LATE???

What To Do Next When We're Feeling DISCOURAGED

What To Do Next When We're Feeling DISCOURAGED

Nothing earth-shaking to hear from you OR me that we're feeling discouraged.  Obviously, that's the roller-coaster reality of life.  BUT What To Do Next When We're Feeling DISCOURAGED?  Hey dude, everyone deals with discouragement at some point in our life.  That's part of WHAT makes the human experience rich enough, with all the HIGHs and the LOWs.  IF we never experience the LOWs, then we WON'T appreciate the HIGHs.  Discouragement, disappointment, failure and setbacks, these are all things that can help us if we maintain an empowering mindset.  The key to life is to learn from these experiences, and minimize the amount of time that we allow ourselves to stay discouraged.  The question we got to answer is, WHAT DO WE DO NEXT WHEN discouraged???

Culling from experts' advisories, they always ask us to TAKE THE LONG VIEW.  Discouragement generally occurs WHEN our expectations [WHAT we think we should happen] DON'T align with reality [WHAT actually happens].  In many cases, our expectations are unrealistic and this often has to do with HOW long we think things should ever happen, if at all💧💧💧

And how about FAILURE?  Fortunately, experts around counsel us that there is NO such thing called FAILURE.  Instead, they call that as EDUCATION.  Like WHEN we feel we have failed at something, discouragement comes close to the heels.  However, failure DOESN'T really exist EXCEPT for the meaning that we give it and for the weight we tend to amplify💥💥💥

WHAT comes next, let's stick to our guns, to our vision.  if we are feeling discouraged, think about your vision.  Think about WHAT we want to create in our life.  See it clearly.  Feel WHAT it would feel like IF the image came into reality.  WHAT would this mean for us?  How would we feel?  Once we see it, and feel it, we will also feel empowered and our discouragement will dissipate.  Over and above all these, let us NOT let our ego get in the way of our development.  Our ego is often the primary cause of our feelings of disappointment and discouragement.  It DOESN'T have to be this way😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  WHENEVER we feel discouraged, first things first, let's STOP comparing ourselves to others [because if we're drowning by then, we will get fatally drowned in a bit by then].  If there's a simple mantra for us to cultivate, it is the fact that each of us has its own unique path in life.  A sure-fire 100% guaranteed way to get discouraged is to focus on other people in a comparative way.  WHY?  It's because we will end up seeing WHAT they have and WHAT we DON'T have?  Bluntly, that will be the last nail on one's coffin, if I may say so!!!

Let's GET OFF THE FENCE!

Let's GET OFF THE FENCE!

Time to dip our hand into the cookie jar when it comes to relationships!  HOW often do we hear couples often struggle and SIT ON THE FENCE?  With WHAT you see OR what you are aware of [either as a family member OR being one of the coterie of close friends, you might attest that 'that' couple are trying [BUT do they, really?].  Instead, either one OR both will wait for the other to change, to cave in, to waver, and they still think it can go on FOREVER!@#$%?  Dude, before the waters break loose, Let's GET OFF THE FENCE!!!

NOW, what's kind of puzzling is WHAT causes people to get stuck up, SITTING ON THE FENCE?  Oh Oh, this is NO rocket science though.  Psychologists all sing the same tune, that to break this vicious pattern, either/and/or the protagonists need to take DECISIVE action.  Either you gather all your gumption to push for real, concrete behavioral changes OR if that is next to impossible, part ways!!!

HOW often have you heard stories like these WHICH undoubtedly pushes us to think these are concocted fiction stories:  A couple have been together for 7 years but for the last year or so, it's been a STRUGGLE for both, to say the least.  They briefly separated for a few weeks then got back together.  They then talk about breaking up, then giving it a try that lasts a couple of days, then they fall back into talking about breaking up AGAIN!!!

Sounds familiar?  Absolutely dude.  That kind of couple continue to SIT ON THE FENCE and either/and/or would waffle back and forth.  They both manifest ambivalence and the worst thing about ambivalence is that it is damn contagious because WHEN you waffle, the other person waffles too OR in the end, each is waiting for the other to initiate a concrete move that can turn into a blink contest.  BUT how long will that last???

Our takeaway:  This is a case as simple as a black OR white, a yes OR no.  BUT frankly, there are just two options at hand, namely, to mutually endeavor to work things out as a COMMITMENT but if that ends up like a boogie dance, waffling and waffling, you are left with NO other option BUT to separate, really a difficult pill to swallow especially WHEN you are overwhelmed with all these intangibles.  Bottomline is, our mutual aim should be to break OLD PATTERNS of treading water, complaining, and NOT decisively acting.  Else, you will remain in that punishing vicious cycle.  Dude, LET'S GET OFF THE FENCE and decide!!!

What Value Can You Bring To The Table?

What Value Can You Bring To The Table?

Through the years, I lost count of the interviews I hosted as the hiring manager for various roles cutting across management, leadership, associate and even entry-level job roles.  What Value Can You Bring To The Table?  Oh, that was my favorite one-line opener and I hope I DON'T get questioned for it because let's face it, the interview process is meant for the interviewee to impress that he/she is the best candidate for the job role and for us hiring managers, we'd like to short-list them and figure out the 'cream of the crop' before we make a decision📗📙📘

BUT whether it's a job interview process OR you are wooing the 'girl of your life' OR you are worming your way into a certain group WHO share the same advocacies you are pushing, we will likely end up with the same question 'WHAT WILL YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?"  And it's NOT a Mount Rushmore kind of question as long as you're sincere😀😀😀

BUT let's place things at the right perspective.  Either way, good people DON'T need to beg at all.  WHO like to?  And most people with healthy self-esteem WON'T do it either and WHO can blame them?  Nevertheless, if someone will pose you that question, IF you can stifle your nausea long enough to answer the question a different way, you might find that the 'questioner' is NOT a pompous idiot after all, BUT only someone WHO HASN'T questioned OR departed from that traditional script of asking that question.  And let's NOT feel slighted OR offended because that frame-shifting question is/was NOT meant to put you down at all❌❌❌

I always coasted with these Q&A kind of situations with an open mind.  NO way should you entertain NEGATIVITIES because that can even blur your thought process.  Moreover, I always harped on the analogy that for every product, there has to be a salesman and I always vouched that a product is as good as the salesman is [and NOT the other way]❎❎

Our takeaway:  I remember WHEN I was relatively a rookie in the workplace and there I was, ending up with job interviews every few years [no thanks to my headhunters then WHO permanently saved my CV/Resume's in their archives] and I always told myself, I can be the best product ever BUT everything hinges on my shoulder as to HOW I will sell my very own self as a product.  So, WHAT VALUE CAN YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?  Get back on your bare knuckles and rattle off that long list of exemplary and outstanding traits you have.  Good luck dude in your endeavors!!!

Don't Be A Headless Chicken By Losing Your Identity

Don't Be A Headless Chicken By Losing Your Identity

With many things happening in our life, our SENSE OF SELF refers to our perception of the collection of our characteristics that define us.  Our personality traits, abilities, likes and dislikes our belief system and morals, and the things that motivate us, these all do contribute to our self-image, our unique identity as a person.  And people WHO can easily describe these aspects of their identity typically have a fairly strong sense of WHO they are.  Thing is,  Don't Be A Headless Chicken By Losing Your Identity📗📙📘

Studies showed that people WHO can easily describe their aspects of their identity typically have a fairly strong sense of WHO you are.  IF EVER at some point we seem to be struggling to name more than a few of our characteristics might point to a less defined SENSE OF SELF.  It's true that we DON'T spend so much time consciously thinking about our own identity BUT it still affects our life though.  Knowing WHO we are allows us to live with purpose and develop the satisfying relationships we deserve, WHICH, at the end of the day psychologists claim will contribute to an overall good emotional health.  So, you might pester me, WHY is it so important to keep our identity, our SENSE OF SELF💥💥💥

And this brings us as to what living authentically is all about.  Having a well-developed SENSE OF SELF will be hugely beneficial in helping us make our choices in life.  It could be as trivial as your favorite foods to even those larger concerns like your personal values, knowing WHAT comes from our own self versus WHAT comes from others would make things easier for us to accept our own SENSE OF SELF💚💗💛

On the other hand, for the sake of our discussion, let's assume lack a clearly defined SENSE OF SELF.  Even on the surface, it will lead us to situations wherein it makes it tough to know exactly WHAT you want.  And if you feel uncertain OR indecisive WHEN it comes time to make important choices, WHAT is quite scary is if you may end up struggling to make any choice at all.  WHAT's scarier here is the probability that we might end up drifting through life, carried and influenced by other people and circumstances💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  You might get back to me as to WHERE does our SENSE OF SELF will fall on the spectrum?  Perhaps you would notice a pattern of making choices based on WHAT you think other people want from you.  OR maybe you DON'T have many ambitions OR deep-seated passions and simply feel content to go with the flow. And this could boil down to a very curt but incisive question to ourselves:  DO YOU SAY YES TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY?  Oh yes, that's totally fine to accommodate others 'SOMETIMES' BUT IF you always agree to WHAT others want, you likely AREN'T living for yourself. Defining yourself mostly by relationships with others OR your ability to please your loved ones can suggest a 'LESS DEVELOPED' SENSE OF SELF within you.  In a nutshell, DON'T BE A HEADLESS CHICKEN BY LOSING YOUR IDENTITY❗❗❗

Focus On Yourself, PERIOD

Focus On Yourself, PERIOD

WHEN was the last time you stopped to consider your needs without also taking into account WHAT someone else needs.  So, WHAT does Focus On Yourself mean?  Focusing on yourself means prioritizing your OWN needs and desires rather than those of other people.  That DOESN'T mean you're actively working against others.  It simply means you AREN'T depleting yourself to make them happy.  I recall hearing someone share his insights WHEREIN he said it's helpful to think of your life as a garden with each flower representing a component of your well-being, comparing it to the Daffodils as representing work demands, roses as your romantic relationship, daisies as friendships📗📘📙

So, this brings us back one full circle.  WHY is it important to focus on yourself?  If your life is a garden, focusing on yourself is about refilling your watering can, so you can continue to care for each aspect of your life.  Even like making time for your hobbies and big goals can help boost our self-esteem.  And that improved self-worth can likely overflow into your work and even your relationships.  And to borrow an opinion by psychologists, "YOU'LL HAVE POSITIVE ENERGY WHEN YOU'RE AROUND OTHERS".  As an analogy, taking time for yourself can also help you identify the flowers that demand too much water❎❎❎

As an example, you might end a toxic relationship to better focus on your career OR you might change jobs to have more time with your family.  This may feel like being selfish at first.  BUT actually, stepping back is an opportunity to improve yourself and refocus on WHAT you want in your life.  BUT let's face it, finding the 'right balance' is damn difficult.  With multifarious competing priorities in our life, our tendency to try doing everything all in one go can be and assuredly draining.  So, WHERE do we go from here???

Heeding the advice of experts, let us recognize that "NO" by itself is a complete sentence.  In some cases, it may be helpful to provide a reason for setting boundaries in life.  LIKE WHEN you need 'space' from your best friend OR significant other, a conversation may help protect the relationship.  BUT in most instances, though, a conversation may help protect the relationship.  BUT in most instances, you DON'T have to justify yourself.  IF you DON'T want to attend a party, a simple curt advice LIKE "I CAN'T MAKE IT BUT THANKS FOR INVITING ME" will be acceptable, right???

Our takeaway:  At the end of the day, we need to let people feel HOW they will feel.  If someone is hurt because you're spending time on yourself, WHY DON'T we allow them to process their feelings as well as they have the right to their emotions just as you have the right to your space.  Yesirrrrrs, eventually people will get used to your newly delineated 'boundary'.  And in case they DON'T support you taking care of yourself, that may help you safely conclude that MAYBE they DON'T deserve to be clubbed as part of those WHOM you consider as your "GREAT" friends.   Bottomline is, BE KIND TO YOURSELF [way prior to extending your kindness elsewhere].  Yes, it is very noteworthy to take care of others BUT NOTHING BEATS SELF-CARE [HOW can you take care of others then if you are unwell]???