What Works for Me May NOT Work for YOU

What Works for Me May NOT Work for YOU

Supposedly, a formula that works for one should work for all, right ?  Yes and no.  For mathematical equations, that is very true and correct.  Not for human lives though.  In fact, What Works for Me May NOT Work for YOU and vice-versa.  We could be friends from childhood, going to the same school and taking the same tertiary course and even graduating with the same degree but that's where the commonalities should end.  From that point onwards, each person has to plot each one's path for that lifetime of a journey.  BTW, 'copying of answers' is a no-no even if you want to, simply because What Works for Me May NOT Work for YOU.  And things can never be farther from the truth in that case.

We can have twins in real life or soulmates who have trekked identical paths through the years but at some point, both will have to get to those crossroads, as there will be a "Y" road that splits up in two different directions and each one has to decide as to which path is best for him/her.  If one or the other tries to 'copy answers' and blindly toes the line and still chooses the path another person takes, he could end up a casualty along the way, a fallout to be frank about it.  In real life, I've witnessed on a first-person account, people who wanted to cling to another one's journey UNCONDITIONALLY for that matter.  And what's the typical end of the story.  At lease one of the two would end up down deep in the pit.

In our life, we could find three BFF's but at some point, they have to trek separate paths because we are all destined to go and take that unique path.  Never force a square peg in a round hole.  It doesn't work that way.  Even in our relationships, you could be the introvert type while your partner is an extrovert.  In that case, never impose and force your partner to be an introvert because that won't work either.

Even trees next to each other will have to find their way to grow despite the fact that they may all trace back to the same roots. Bottom-line is we need to reach that point where we have to accept that we have our own UNIQUE PATH in life.  How ?  By FIGURING OUT WHAT'S UNIQUE for YOU.  When you're focused on conforming to the expectations of others in order to please, you will LOSE SIGHT of your OWN VALUES and what's unique for you.

LETTING GO the VALUE and EXPECTATIONS of OTHERS is a must-do.  Who knows, you may have unconsciously internalized the desires of either your parent, someone you admire or even the local culture.  Once you begin the process of embracing yourself, you'll begin to realize that you may have been on somebody's else path for years.  Oh, WORRY LESS ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU, that won't help❗❗❗

Criticism Stings, Praise Lingers

Criticism Stings, Praise Lingers

Indeed, this is a study in contrast.  CRITICISM versus PRAISE.  Indeed, CRITICISM STINGS like an open wound whereas PRAISE LINGERS like the scents of perfume.  And just as we welcome and embrace praises that come into our way, the last thing we ever want to hear are criticisms [especially since 99% of criticisms are unsolicited anyway].  And that's just human nature but are we aware that a big percentage of us got LOST along the way because their subalterns and cordon sanitaire would let him hear and see NO criticism at all but instead, they will just let him hear all the hossanah because that's the MUSIC to his ears.

The old school of thought always taught us that PRAISE is what we need because that will boost and motivate us no end, which is true indeed but how often did we hear stories wherein one got so 'intoxicated' with all the HOSSANAHs sang for him such that, from that time onwards, he refuses to open his eardrums for any criticism, no matter how objective and constructive it may be.

The rule of esteem recognizes that all humans need and want praise as this is man's deepest craving.  We know how a simple THANK YOU can make our day.  We need affection to satisfy the need to belong, we want praise so we can feel admired and we need it to satisfy our need for personal worth.  

And here comes CRITICISM.  As Oscar Wilde said, criticism tells you more about the psychology of the critic than the people he or she criticizes.  Per se, CRITICISM is confirmed to be destructive when it is about personality or character, when it is filled with blame, when it is not focused on improvement, when it is based on only one 'right way' and ends up belittling.

What's the lesson we can pick up here ?  While we all want PRAISE, what will redound to our benefit are valid, objective and constructive CRITICISM.  Those are the WAKE-UP calls that should literally wake us up, for us to change, for us to improve, for us to shape up, for us to challenge ourselves.  At the end of the day, it is only ourselves who can be the catalyst for us to improve from where we are now.  As long as the criticism is valid, objective and constructive, those are the triggers for us to SHAPE UP❗❗❗

Play On Your STRENGTHs

Play On Your STRENGTHs

Many times in our lives, we tend to play with a handicap, starting off at a disadvantage and what happens next is for anyone to safely guess that in the end, the protagonist, which could be YOU, will end up failing.  What's the common denominator of most of our FAILING moments ?  Very likely, it's because the losing protagonist was playing on his weaknesses, instead on Playing on one's STRENGTHs.

Knowing one's weaknesses is just perfectly fine but if you start to hinge on those weaknesses, then you will end up disadvantaged most of the times,  Instead, I have witnessed winners who did rack up after success ? Their proven formula ?  It's playing on one's STRENGTHs, period.  How have those chess super grandmasters rack wins after wins ?  It's because they playing on their STRENGTHs.  In the NBA, if a team is at a disadvantage in height, they don't play the low post.

But how do we figure out our strengths then ?  Oh well, there are two criteria namelu, you must be GOOD AT IT and you ENJOY doing it. Once you identify the common denominator of those criteria, then you can figure out what are your strengths and most importantly, you should be playing on your STRENGTHs.

Indeed, once you're able to playing on your STRENGTHs, you can strategize to figure out your STRENGTHs so you ca best leverage on your strength.  We have to remember that it's only natural to struggle with receiving negative feedback From today's blog , will then imply that your team's structure is Ready to go, Remember, most feedback accentuate the NEGATIVE.  

Over into our real-life scenarios.  studies have shown that people remember four negative memories for every positive one.  However, the paradox of human psychology shows that while people remember criticism, they respond to praise.  The former makes them defensive and unlikely to change while the latter produces confidence and the desire to perform better.  What these all tell us is that playing on your STRENGTHs should always be our approach in life because that's where likely you will excel and succeed✅✅✅

Take What's Given

Take What's Given

There's one too many prevailing  thoughts telling us that nothing is free in life.  And technically, that is a correct statement but in real life, there's a bounty of OPPORTUNITIES that knock on our doors for our own taking but the problem lies with us.  It takes us donkey years to think and rethink zillion times whether to grab such.  But hey, as they say, Take What's Given.

What's needed from us is to grab such OPPORTUNITIES, with no time wasted.  Try thinking a zillion times before you decide to take it or not, there are no guarantees that that opportunity will wait there for your picking.  We miss our OPPORTUNITIES of love, career, happiness and success because we refuse to learn the lessons that come our way.  When a new opportunity comes, we would rather stay safe instead of taking a risk.  We have been told to FEAR THE FUTURE and to believe in the past.

All pain and suffering is us an emotional sign to change our current circumstances.  When you don't change, more pain and suffering will come your way.  FEAR dominates us and keeps us from having the life we could have.  We just live in a state of REGRET and SORROW.  Why is it many of us refuse to learn the lessons of those OPPORTUNITIES missed out ?  When in fact, when an opportunity comes our way, it forces us to CHANGE.  Why ?  It's because LIFE is CHANGE.  People who who DO NOT change are left behind.  And I can attest I've known quite a number who refused change,  And that doesn't surprise me for what they are right now.

I met someone, asking me how to discern which direction to take for OPPORTUNITIES. I curtly told him, he can take whichever way he prefers and there will be OPPORTUNITIES therein.  What do we need then ?  MORE COURAGE.  It takes courage to live a happy life.  Connect with your INSTINCTS and disconnect with your mind.  Remember, the real objective of your mind is TO MAKE SURE YOU FAIL.  Your instincts are trying to get you a better life.

What's the ICING on the CAKE ?  It is believing in yourself. What you believe is what will show up in your life.  If and when you really don't believe in yourself, TRUST ME, nothing will work out.  Lastly. STOP BLAMING anyone and TAKE ACTIONS.  If you would like to know why you are not so happy or successful, face the mirror and you will know the person stopping you.  What's the hardest lesson we have been missing to learn many times in our lives ?  It is our innate refusal to Take What's Given, [wrongly] thinking that time is on your side when in truth and in fact, you're running against time, dude✅✅✅

Are You Swimming 'UPSTREAM'

Are You Swimming 'UPSTREAM'

How is it in your life now ?  ARE YOU SWIMMING 'UPSTREAM' ?  Are things like more often you are moving and running UPSTREAM, UPHILL ?  As opposed to moving and running on a levelled road ?  But for today, we'd like to discuss a bit how to handle things when, at some points in our lives, we tend to be SWIMMING UPSTREAM or moving UPHILL.  Why is this a talking point ?  It's because there are more failures, more fallouts happening when we tend to swim UPSTREAM or move UPHILL.  And this is what we need to really dissect because these are inevitable situations we just need to handle our way.

In life, we encounter problems as we breathe.  But it doesn't get to us until we feel a major impact, and that's when it becomes a source of concern, hurt or worse, sorrow.  Life problems, depending on the magnitude, can be clogs in our life's 'wheel of progress' and we may not be able to attain our full potential if we don't learn to place our problems in the proper perspectives.  The worst thing, though, is when we tackle our problems, it will be like SWIMMING UPSTREAM.

But before we just end up talking generalities, it will help to list down the 'weakest links', the areas where we are most vulnerable:  FINANCIAL CRISIS.  HEALTH CRISIS.  FAMILY.  RELATIONSHIP.  MARRIAGE.  WORKPLACE.  CAREER PRESSURE.  UNFAIR TREATMENT.  EMPTINESS. BOREDOM.  CONFUSION. FRIENDSHIP PROBLEMS.  HAUNTING PAST.  SAFETY.  FAILURE.  GRIEF.  

So, how can we change courses if things are going UPSTREAM or UPHILL ?  First, go back to REALITY.  Some of us tend to get 'lost' because we tend to be detached from REALITY. Second, EMBRACE YOUR LIFE as it is, instead of AS YOU WISH IT TO BE.  Third, bide your time.  DON'T PANIC.  Fourth, practice gratitude, it pays.  Fourth, STAY CLOSE to your feelings, even the painful ones.  Fifth, accept SUCCESS and FAILURES as part of life's journey.  And lastly but most importantly, tend to your relationships.

At the end of the day, LIFE's a JOURNEY.  ENJOY THE RIDE.  Be POSITIVE and SELF CONFIDENT.  If negativity creeps in, that's akin to Cancer @Stage 1.  Then, BE READY TO HELP OTHERS.  The dividends you will reap with your helping hand will surprise you.  Then CONTINUE TO IMPROVE and renew yourself.  Then 'WALK THE TALK'.  Live what you preach, especially if you are a leader in school, at the workplace or at your business.  Then, NEVER STOP TO LEARN, apply and share your knowledge.  In due time, you will be riding the waters DOWNSTREAM instead of UPSTREAM❗❗❗

Dodge a Bullet Only If You Have To

Dodge a Bullet Only If You Have To

Oh, bullets are either one of two ways, namely: it could either be an OPPORTUNITY or a THREAT.  But this is not the appropriate forum to discuss bullets as threats so we'll focus on bullets that come as OPPORTUNITIES.  And this is what we'll focus on, that is, how to ensure we don't dodge a bullet only if you have to at all because those are LOST OPPORTUNITIES.  And when we lose such opportunities, the value we end up for a single LOST OPPORTUNITY is more than just its face value itself.

Once we miss an OPPORTUNITY, what happens next?  REGRET creeps in, right ?  But do we know that REGRET is a negative emotion ?  This negative emotion emerges from an undesirable process of a certain decision [and that includes an INDECISION that caused an OPPORTUNITY to be missed.  One reason REGRET is so important for individual decision-making is because people take the possible impact of REGRET into account when making a decision [or an indecision].

In a meta analysis of 11 research studies about REGRET concluded that REGRET causes the strongest feelings and impact in those decisions [or INDECISIONS] related to education, career, romance, parenting, one self and leisure.  And the study shows that that FEELING of REGRET will remain as long as the opportunities for change remain open.  In situations where there are few opportunities for change remain open, that reduces the intensity level of regret.

So, here we are, raising this awareness that we may dodge a bullet only if we have to.  Otherwise, we got to challenge ourselves when INDECISION impacts our thought process but rather than raise our hands and give up on INDECISION, we need to figure out how can we, if at all, mitigate those moments of INDECISION.  

Thing is, indecision becomes a bad thing when it lasts too long.  How long is long ?  That depends on the circumstances.  Will you miss an important opportunity if you wait ?  Will you lose something that you really want ? In sum, if ever you will dodge a bullet, it is NOT an OPPORTUNITY that will lead to you regretting.  So what's the bottomline.  Think of all the POSSIBILITIES, POSSIBILITIES and POSSIBILITIES so you don't end up with a LOST OPPORTUNITY❗❗❗

Water CAN'T Rise Higher Than it's Source

Water CAN'T Rise Higher Than it's Source

Water CAN'T Rise Higher Than it's Source.  Oh, is this a boring piece for today ?  I don't think so because we can drill down on this topic quite lengthily as this has been part of the equations we're all facing during this long-drawn pandemic.  A lot of our needs in life now do hinge on the efforts we pour in to address a need, to fix a problem, to focus on an improvement.

But to piggy-back on this one-liner, that is, Water CAN'T Rise Higher Than it's Source, this picture speaks volumes.  And when we do a mapping of this picture into our lives, let's revisit the challenges we faced in life.  If you're a student, you have your own set of challenges.  If you're a working professional, you're in for a ride as well. If you're into a relationship, your relationship with your spouse/partner and immediate family should have those needs for mending along the way.  If you're running your business, surely at various points in time, you had to fix your relationship either with your business partners, suppliers or even clients.  But the biggest question looming behind us is how long does it take us to fix our challenges?

Oh my apologies, I won''t buy on what this poster says because to me, WHAT YOU SEE is WHAT YOU GET.  The fact that you have a problem at hand behooves you to fix it no less.  Face your problems and fix it.  Remember that Water CAN'T Rise Higher Than it's Source so as to how swift and how effective are you in fixing a problem will heavily hinge on the tons of effort you put.

The TRUTH and the FACT is that at the end of the day, what matters most is RESULTS, period. And the RESULTS are correlational to the efforts we put on, the efforts we invest to fix an issue.  Studies have supported results which confirm that 99% of the RESULTS depend on EFFORTS.  Shave off from your efforts, expect less solid results.  if at all, you might end up with a palliative, a 'band aid' solution no less.

The thing is, problems deserve the amount of TIME+EFFORT we can commit to fix it.  Oh my attention got caught by this simple poster because its message is short and sharp:  PONDER OVER YOUR PROBLEM. AVOIDING a problem ?  RUNNING AWAY from a problem ?  IGNORING a problem ?  These are the most common pitfalls why problems persist.  Lest we forget, Water CAN'T Rise Higher Than it's Source❗❗❗
 

What Gets MEASURED Gets IMPROVED

What Gets MEASURED Gets IMPROVED

Taking a leaf from no less than Quality Guru Peter Drucker:  What Gets MEASURED Gets IMPROVED.  But you might wonder why this topic deserves some time to be discussed right now ?  Hmmm, it's because many of us [and that includes me in the past] would [stubbornly] believe that if things ain't broke, why fix it ?  Oh, it sounds rationale but only from the surface.

And this brings us to circle back to the very basic argument as to why should we measure things, if at all ?  The old school of thought made us believe that as long as the gravy train is not stalled, then the journey goes on and all we need to do is stretch our patience till we reach our destination.  But for us who have been in the trenches, it's just not enough unless we are fully aligned that everything that's going-on are all efficient, optimal and fully fine-tuned.

So, everything really boils down to dollars and cents.  Are we operating efficiently ?  Are our operations cost-effective ?  Are we utilizing time to the hilt in the most efficient way ?  At the end of the day, are our operations churning out more profits for the interest of the stakeholders? if you were a student, are you managing your time vis-a-vis your academic chores optimally ?  If so, maybe you believe that What Gets MEASURED Gets IMPROVED.  

In our personal lives, we hate when our parents or elders or even partner/spouse want us MEASURED because we easily fall prey to tag them as CONTROL FREAKS.  But these days when we are fully wired in a digital environment, What Gets MEASURED Gets IMPROVED and that mantra is a given, take it or leave it.

But until you get into your realization, then this becomes a hard sell.  if you're a student, measure how efficient is your time management.  With your partner/spouse, measure the 'downtimes' of your relationships and assess the impact of those 'downtimes'.  If you're running a business, you don't need a sales pitch, right ?  C'mon dude.  What Gets MEASURED Gets IMPROVED, period❗❗❗

Face Your Problems. DON'T Facebook It

Face Your Problems.  DON'T Facebook It.

Welcoming NOVEMBER and this is exciting because the December holidays are not far down the road.  Meanwhile, life is life.  Blessings come.  Curses do happen. And if there is a constant in our lives it is those problems.  We never run out of it, regardless of social strata.  But that's fine because such is life. And supposedly, life becomes boring then. Not really though the way some of us handle our problems.  As this new cliche goes, Face Your Problems.  DON'T Facebook It.  So, is social media a BOON or a BANE ?

So, the NOT so debatable issue is whether social media has become a BOON or BANE? For me though, leveraging technologies for us to have all these social media is indeed a BOON.  So, when does it become a BANE ?  Hmmm, as long as you DON'T FACEBOOK your problems but instead FACE YOUR PROBLEMS.

What's happening sometimes is that if and when we tend to 'wash the linens' in public or in social media jargon, when you  FACEBOOK YOUR PROBLEMS instead of FACING YOUR PROBLEMS.  Too bad, I can attest on a personal basis how I was made aware of this faux pas more as a first person account.  And I always believed that the problems of two sane people or families are best sorted out privately and NOT via socmed.

Let's face it.  By nature, humans are that opinionated.  If you seek their opinion [or worse. even if you DON'T seek their opinion], each person is that opinionated.  Studies show that only 1-2% would admit as not having any opinion on a matter they are aware of.  So, if 98% are that opinionated, what to expect but a rowdy and cacophonous crowd out there, whew.

Problem is, in today's social media, it seems so effortless for one to transmit or share something and if he intends to reach out to a wider audience, the efforts entailed to reach out to a single recipient versus a huge platoon [or even battalion or regiment] is about the same because all it takes is to post and share it in socmed and that's it, voila !  What is lost, however, is that THE END DOES NOT JUSTIFY THE MEANS.  So, please seriously give a thought, Face Your Problems.  DON'T Facebook It [Ooops, DON'T META IT] ❗❗❗

This is NOT a Halloween Scare !!!

 This is NOT a Halloween Scare !!!

Happy Halloween 🎃🎃🎃but hey, please DON'T get me wrong with this banner screenshot.  I'm not implying that my bank balance is down to 0.00 😀 but instead, I'd want to share an advisory from one of my most trusted bankers, that's BDO.  Oooops, this is not a commercial pitch but please take it for what it is.

But hey, old school scams are now part of the distant pass.  In our highly wired digital place, ONE-STEP SCAMS are gone ! Instead, we got MULTI-STEP SCAMS all over the place. To be honest, today's fraudsters are at least a step ahead of all the gurus and SMEs developing patches and fixes to pre-empt fraud.  NO WAY Jose, let's do admit that fraudsters are always a step ahead.  That explains why our anti-virus updates are happening not just once a day anymore, whew.

And BTW, these fraudsters RIDE WITH THE TIMES.  If TikTok is today's craze, buckle down your seatbelts because the fraudsters have another repertoire of tricks up in their sleeves, very much attuned to TikTok.  For our kids so crazy with TikTok, caution them

So, what exactly is a MULTI-STEP SCAM ? Firstly, it will hit and ride on your FEARS.  How ?  By raising FEARS that your account was indeed breached [or about to happen anytime soon].  And to be fair, we can't blame ourselves when FEAR takes over us because that's human nature.  What makes this MULTI-STEP SCAM seemingly easy and effortless is the way these fraudsters are so detailed and almost 'picture perfect' to mimic and simulate your legitimate banker.  See this sample, it looks 100% legitimate & valid.

YES, as you start to bite the bait, that brings you closer and closer to finally 'GIVING UP' your  bank account to the fraudster.  How ?  At that point when FEAR has overtaken your own self, think of being HYPNOTIZED and all you're left with is to literally follow each NEXT INSTRUCTION.  BTW, to be clear on this, you can remain aware and guarded but that doesn't guarantee that you are immune from all these fraudsters.  I myself, despite all my guarded awareness and extreme caution with all these frauds, 

Last month, in real-time mode, I received an alert from my banker that I just completed a US$ 130 transaction traced all the way back to Walmart's Arkansas Headquarters.  But I had the least of worries because my banker immediately blocked my card and invalidated that transaction.  Preventive measures?  DON'T access public wifi.  DON'T connect to a secured WiFi unless you are assured you're secure.  DON'T click any link unless you have called your bank about it.  DON'T entrust your credit card for swiping unless you can see them swiping.  DON'T panic when you receive alerts. DON'T trust any electronic message or text message unless you have validated it. Instead, validate that alert. Thank you, Citi.  So, let's all be forewarned.  Happy Halloween 🎃🎃🎃