How Are We As 'ACTORS IN LIFE'

How Are We As 'ACTORS IN LIFE'

Are we all aware that we are 'ACTORS IN LIFE'?  Honestly, I was NOT aware of this fact NOT until years passed when I came with this realization, THAT when I speak, I speak differently when I'm talking to my boss versus my client versus THAT typical restaurant waiter OR butler.  Oh yes, isn't that a very valid realization?  I admit I talk quite differently to each of those scenarios.  NOT to a fault and without bad faith, we tend to auto-tweak ourselves.  So, why DON'T we deep-dive as regards our human behaviors manifesting differently across different scenarios📗📙📘

Apparently, people change the way they speak based on the STATUS of the person wo whom they are talking.  So, have we ever wondered WHY people change the way they speak in certain situations?  Researches show that people tend to change the pitch of their voice depending on to WHOM they are talking and HOW dominant they feel in a particular context📌📌📌

Conclusively, studies show that individuals' vocal characteristics are altered in response to people of different social status.  Regardless of self-perceived social status, people tend to talk to those they consider high status individuals using a high pitch.  Without being gender biased, studies also show that for men, a deep, masculine voice sounds dominant especially in men, while the opposite is true of a higher pitched voice💵💴💷

If there is something common between genders, both alter their pitch in response to people they think are dominant and/or prestigious.  Another sharp observation is that for people who consider themselves to be dominant [those who use methods like coercion, manipulation or intimidation], they are LESS LIKELY to vary their pitch and will instead talk in a lower tone when talking to someone of a high social status❗❗❗

Our key takeaway today? For the minority WHO do not change HOW loud they are speaking [no matter WHO they are talking to], that likely means that they are more CALM and in CONTROL of a situation.  So let's rethink HOW we talk from the time we wake up till we hit the sack.  If only we As 'ACTORS IN LIFE', would be welcoming if we can further tweak our own selves✅✅✅

'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of Online Scams

'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of Online Scams

All along, we always knew that SCAMS led to preying innocent victims [and to date, there's a huge number of them].  In ChannelNewsAsia, however, their report highlighted 'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of Online Scams.  So, looks like, there are two sides of a coin but both sides falling prey to the same job ads that always sound too good to be true.  Open and well-paid positions at a popular casino with all the perks📗📙📘

BTW, online SCAMS can happen to anyone and even professionals, yuppies and techies are NO exemptions.  BUT here's an insight that will cause you to fall off your chair.  Gen Z folks fall for online SCAMS more than their boomer grandparents do.  Apparently, the generation that grew up with the internet ISN'T invulnerable to becoming victims of online SCAMS💎💎💎

Based on statistics, compared to older generations, younger generations have reported higher rates of victimization in PHISHING, IDENTIFY THEFT, ROMANCE SCAMS, and even cyberbullying.  A study by DELOITTE showed that Gen Z Americans were three times MORE LIKELY to get caught up in an online SCAM than boomers were [16 and 5 percent respectively]📌📌📌

Studies compared the behaviors between Millennials and Gen Z, the two 'highly digitally native' generations and while Gen Z had a high awareness of online security, they fared worse than Millennials in actually implementing many cybersecurity best practices❗❗❗

The mother of all ironies in this ongoing SCAM saga is that those workers lured by those fake job ads are forced to run online SCAMS for money.  It means victims are both those targeted by SCAMS and those who are forced to carry it out.  And while we're familiar with that first type of victim, for the second, we're rarely so.  The United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights warned that there are wide-ranging digital criminal activities in romance SCAMS, investment SCAMS, crypto fraud, money laundering and illegal gambling.  Even tightly-run Singapore headlined a $1.2 billion money laundering SCAM.  Scary but now, two sides of the coin are 'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of SCAMS❌❌❌

What's Surprising About Surprises

What's Surprising About Surprises

What's Surprising About Surprises?  Oh, except for that very unfortunate trouble at the Gaza Strip between Israel and the Palestinian Hamas [which is now looming to be a full-blown WAR], and of course, EXCEPT for unfortunate accidents, incidents and unexpected problems arising from our [and our family's] health and medical conditions, SURPRISES should always be welcomed with open arms.  Surprisingly, NOT much is appreciated when it comes to SURPRISES📗📙📘

So, when do we welcome surprises?  WHEN we celebrate milestones.  WHEN we want to recognize our partner/spouse, family members or work colleagues for what they deserve.  WHEN any other non-relative deserves such positive feedback.  WHEN such surprises will be a VALUE-ADD to the motivation of someone📌📌📌

On these days where pranks happen left and right, let's dissect as to what REALLY happens to us when a SURPRISE is sprung to us?  TED inspirational speaker Tania Luna said that when people get SURPRISED by something or someone, our human brain goes through that "SURPRISE SEQUENCE".    To quote Tania, "It is a strong neuro alert that tells us that something is important about this moment and we have to pay attention.  Our cognitive resources are then HIJACKED and pulled into the moment💠💠💠

Studies showed that SURPRISES caused humans to "PHYSICALLY FREEZE" for 1/25th of a second.  After humans freeze, SURPRISES will trigger something in the brain that Luna calls "FIND", a moment that causes humans to generate extreme curiosity in an attempt to figure out what is happening during a SURPRISE✅✅✅

Studies show that when we are SURPRISED [for better or worse], our emotions intensify up to 400 percent, whew that's a quantum leap!  And if we're SURPRISED with something positive, we'll feel more intense feelings of happiness or joy than we normally would.  So, even if some of us would hate SURPRISES, let's admit that there are SURPRISING insights about SURPRISES worth thinking❗❗❗

Sometimes, You're Better Off with NON-DECISIONS

Sometimes, You're Better Off with NON-DECISIONS

Sometimes, You're Better Off with NON-DECISIONS !   BUT before I get misconstrued, let me qualify that we're NOT encouraging INDECISIVENESS at all.  On the other hand, I can be a self-proclaimed advocate of DECISIVENESS because approximately 95% of the time in my past years, I'll humbly admit that I made FEARLESS DECISIONS not out of cockiness but as INFORMED DECISIONS💠💠💠

To align, let's agree on what NON-DECISIONS really as this involves suppressing challenges to the status quo and suppressing the addition of new issues to an agenda.  Issues then are excluded from an agenda because they are threatening in some direct way OR because of the competition for the limited space for one's agenda📗📙📘

So what's that gap between DECISIONS and NON-DECISIONS?  NON-DECISIONS avoid direct and sometimes even tacit confrontation.  NON-DECISION-MAKING focuses not on such direct use of power BUT on its indirect manifestations.  As such, power can be exercised in the absence of a direct and overt threat.  Psychologists also termed MOBILISATION of BIAS as the primary function of NON-DECISION-MAKING💵💴💷

So, when is a NON-DECISION good enough?  WHEN an imminent one [either FOR or AGAINST] will be worse off than a NON-DECISION.  Classic example is buying something now selling at a BIG DISCOUNT but that item is NOT a MUST-BUY [but a NICE TO BUY] for now but you simply want to take advantage of a hefty discount. BUT at that time, you were facing cash flow issues.  So, why not a NON-DECISION because that leaves you better off than reaching a DECISION❎❎❎

BTW, holding in abeyance DECISIONS does NOT mean you are foregoing with that impending decision BUT simply HOLDING IT IN ABEYANCE [until you can surmise the BEST TIMING to put your foot forward].  So, SOMETIMES, YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITH NON-DECISIONS❗❗❗

When We AGREE To DISAGREE

When We AGREE To DISAGREE

HOW many times have we been at loggerheads with another person, be it your partner/spouse, your work colleague, your family relative, your close friends, your business associates or anyone else for that matter?  Surely you CAN'T count those number of times When We AGREE To DISAGREE [with another one]📙📘📗

If we remember those times in the workplace when we sat with a co-worker unwilling to compromise over a divisive issue, do we agree that it was NOT just exasperating BUT it often results in utter UNPRODUCTIVITY, which is the very last thing anyone wants in a meeting.  And when we face that kind of person stuck within his own paradigm, it will be difficult, if NOT impossible' to make him "TALKABLE"✅✅✅

Now for the realities.  Obviously, when there are 'UNTALKABLE" persons, there will always be "TALKABLE" ones.  And "TALKABLE" ones firmly maintain and articulate their opinions BUT are open to creating new solutions they haven't considered before.  A big part of that puzzle is becoming "TALKABLE" and learning to communicate across a divisive issue❌❌❌

So what's our takeaways here?  First off, STATE YOUR POSITION and that should be articulated in plain and simple terms because it becomes the foundational content of the situation at hand, and every conversation should start with your STATED POSITION as it sets the stage for meaningful discussions📌📌📌

Now for the tough act.  UNCOVER EACH PARTY'S PURPOSE.  Navigating this step can be challenging as individuals often firmly believe in the absolute TRUTH of their OWN narratives.  So, do we want to be HEARD?  OR do we want to be EFFECTIVE?  Do I want to create a bridge OR widen the DIVIDE?   These are the valid considerations if ever there is a potential AGREE to DISAGREE crossroads💎💎💎

Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

Let's face it, EMOTIONS play a critical role in our social interactions and even when it comes to decision-making.  We even present evidence that individuals understand the behavioral effects of EMOTIONS, specifically ANGER, and use them strategically in interactions. So, how do we Turn ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE❓❓❓

French football superstar Zinedine Zidane was the TOAST of French Football way back the late 1990s and in the 2006 World Cup in Berlin, France went up against Italy.  With the score tied 1:1 and the game going into overtime, Marco Materazzi, the Italian defender pulled Zidane's shirt.  Zidane, responded "IF YOU WANT MY SHIRT, I'LL GIVE THIS AFTER THE MATCH".  Materazzi quipped "I'D PREFER YOUR WHORE OF A SISTER".  Zidane lost it and headbutted Materazzi in the chest.  That was the last time Zidane played in the soccer field💊💊💊

BTW, both Zidane and Materazzi will be well remembered more for the headbutt than anything else either did in his career.  Instead of leaving in GLORY as a second-time World Cup champion, Zidane became a parody and Materazzi, a hero.  Talk about Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

So, what happened to Zidane during those few seconds?  Did Materazzi anger him strategically, expecting a strong reaction?  What is clear is that the Italian team's chance of winning the game increased as a result of Materazzi's insult!@#$%?

In a nutshell, FEELINGs OF ANGER have been proven to be important factors in social punishment.  And that ANGERED individuals are more willing to reject offers in an ultimatum bargaining game and consequently make less $$$$$.  ANGER also significantly affects our behavior.  Additionally, people are MORE WILLING to be ANGRY when they expect to face situations that require aggressive behavior.  Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE❗❗❗

Can We Be LESS MISERABLE?

Can We Be LESS MISERABLE?

Can We Be LESS MISERABLE?  Oh, let me paraphrase our question instead.  Do we want to be HAPPIER?  Rather than looking for more joy, maybe we can aim for LESS MISERY?  Studies by psychologists showed that people tend to prefer to solve problems BY ADDITION rather than SUBTRACTION.  And what holds true of engineering challenges and brainteasers also holds true of HAPPINESS📗📙📘

If we are an entrepreneur who would like to be HAPPIER om your work and life, chances are excellent our first impulse will be to add something.  OR perhaps a new career direction would solve our woes?  Indeed, those are often good "HAPPINESS' moves but as experts declared, at best, that's only one half of the equation.  It's true we can improve our well-being by ADDING joy to our lives BUT we can also achieve the same aim by SUBTRACTING MISERY💎💎💎

So, the bigger question looming over us is WHAT practices and habits should be on the chopping board if we want to STOP overlooking the SUBTRACTING approach to greater HAPPINESS?  British Mathematician Bertrand Russell opined that what most people fear is NOT falling into destitution BUT that they will fail to OUTSHINE THEIR NEIGHBOR.  Sadly, this is our human weakness.  Keeping up with the Joneses is a never-ending game that can lead to discontent📌📌📌

Closely linked to keeping up with the Joneses is ENVY as it has been constantly linked to it.  Frankly, ENVY is defined as that condition of feeling BAD because someone else has more than you.  The proposal of Bertrand Russell to this dilemma is quite straightforward.  Whoever wishes to increase HUMAN HAPPINESS must wish to INCREASE ADMIRATION.  Rather than just suffer because of other people's excellence, CELEBRATE & LEARN from it❗❗❗

To make matters worse, factor-in BOREDOM.  Despite all the technologies we now have, the TRUTH is, no gadget or streaming service can fully save us from BOREDOM.  They can, however, DISTRACT us from essential but uncomfortable reflections and creative growth.  What's our FIX?  Let's FIGHT AND REGAIN our capacity to just sit quietly and just notice the world around us  so We can be LESS MISERABLE✅✅✅

What Hits You Deep

What Hits You Deep

What Hits You Deep?  Surely we will end up with unique responses because we have our individual differences.  What Hits ME Deep is a mile-long list because somehow I value and appreciate quite many things in life.  Like AUTHENCITY + GENUINENESS, to me it equates to TRANSPARENCY.  And I can attest that this Hits ME Deep because it validates the sincerity of a word or act I've witnessed as receiving end.  You can be the most articulate, jolliest and cool person but if I feel that your words or action are NOT 100% credible in terms of AUTHENCITY + GENUINENESS, any words I would hear would be hollowed ones.  And every action will be tainted with doubt, at the very least🔖🔖🔖

I've had my fair share of interactions with people from different cultures and even religion but if there is a commonality in my enriching experiences interacting with them it is the compelling experience of being able to attest if the spoken words or the concrete actions taken are NOT tainted with self-serving motivations📗📙📘

I can be in a room full of strangers and it DOESN'T matter to me.  What matters to me is sifting through and figuring out who meets the criteria for AUTHENCITY + GENUINENESS.  Fortunately, the criteria to meet or fail the test of AUTHENCITY + GENUINENESS is within the very core of our human values.  HOW SINCERE are we  HOW is our good faith in what we say OR what we do?  And HOW FAR can we go once our AUTHENCITY + GENUINENESS are tested and validated💊💊💊

To quote Cicero, the famous Roman statesman and lawyer:  TRUE FRIENDSHIPS are ETERNAL.  Well said.  CAN'T disagree with that.  If one will ask me, WHO and WHERE are my FRIENDS, that would be PEANUTS to me because I DON'T have a mile-long list of FRIENDS List.  WHY?  It's because I have a very stringent set of criteria before I can tag someone as my FRIEND💎💎💎

And without breaching Data Privacy or prying into your personal life, allow me to make a wild guess that one of your pre-defined criterions for one to be counted as part of your close-knitted circle of FRIENDS is that you and your supposed FRIEND[s] share common values in life.  It is that overlay between you and your FRIEND[s] that serves as the very bond that glues you together.  And surely, it is that genuine FRIENDSHIP that HITS YOU DEEP✅✅✅

Close Enough Is Not Enough

Close Enough Is Not Enough

How many times were we Close Enough to achieving our goal but Not Enough yet to hit the goal?  NOT to despair, there is NOTHING to feel bad when we seemed on the right track until a last-minute snafu causes us to miss hitting OR achieving our goal?  BEEN THERE, DONE THAT [and it's tough to be in that hole, dude]💴💵💷

Looking back, I'll admit I missed quite a hell number of goals and targets.  I faltered countless times but the toughest moments were those CLOSE CALLS, those times when I felt I was SO CLOSE but still missing my goal by a breath, by a hairline.  Admittedly, those kinds of debacles will hit us damn hard. many times impacting our own motivation, our morale.  NOT to scare you. on a first person account, I can attest I have witnessed people WHO were so close to their goal but they still faltered by a close shave📗📙📘

The saddest part with those CLOSE CALLS is when it breaks the spirit of a person, kind of silencing his own motivation.  Regrettably, I can attest on a first person account people who RAISED the WHITE FLAG for very compelling reasons...... THAT they have given all they can give.....THAT they felt they have NOTHING to squeeze further from deep inside....... THAT after so much soul-searching, they [wrongly] thought they have NOTHING else to pour out📌📌📌

NOT to self-proclaim that I'm an expert in fixing this kind of debacles, I can share HOW I did the turnaround, albeit in very challenging paths.  First off, I had to accept my shortfalls and identify the root cause of that shortfall.  Thereafter, I went back to the drawing board after concluding that tweaking things WON'T lead me back on track.  Next off, I plotted a RECOVERY PLAN because the first step is to extricate oneself from that deep hole❎❎❎

In the competitive world of sports, the doggedly determined athlete may even dump away his coach and trainers, infusing NEW BLOOD by tapping  hitherto experts NOT associated with his training regimen.  BUT be cautious though.  It is so easy [and convenient] replace your coach and trainers but it takes a real genuine intestinal fortitude to face the mirror and identify your shortfalls and plot your way back.  Remember, to be CLOSE ENOUGH is NOT ENOUGH❗❗❗

Feelings Must NOT Define Us

Feelings Must NOT Define Us

Remember the lyrics from Katy Perry's song:  DO YOU EVER FEEL, LIKE A PLASTIC BAG DRIFTING THROUGH THE WIND, TRYING TO START AGAIN?  Exactly.  Do you ever just feel like you're doing so well and your day is going great?  Then all of a sudden the weather shifts out of left field unexpectedly.  Everything is going well for you and then all of a sudden out of that left field you just feel this heavy weight of NEGATIVITY get to your head.  Thing is, Feelings Must NOT Define Us📗📙📘

When you may question everything you're doing in your life, you're wondering if you're in the RIGHT PLACE and/or if you are in the correct line of work.  The people you are surrounding yourself with, all different facets of your life may seem much more NEGATIVE than they did a few hours ago.  Isn't that strange? All the NEGATIVE thoughts are flooding in and you may see the world and your work as just plain awful.  Some people may call it an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS but I'll opine that it's just a moment WHEN we're just feeling kind of low and NOT sure about what we're doing OR if we're in the right direction📌📌📌

BUT that it just completely NORMAL, right?  And just an outlier, an 'OFF DAY', right?  That happened to me in the past.  Given the efficiency record of the Singapore metro train, I expected to be in office in ten minutes only to find out while I was at the passenger platform that there will be five-minute delay.  WHEN I finally reached my office, I booted up my laptop, still oozing with energy and rushed quickly to the pantry to prepare my coffee only to spill it on seat when I rushed back.  And when I was clicking and clicking my Outlook mail application for urgent mails, for reasons I cannot fathom, my mail folders were NOT updating.  Talk about MURPHY's Law💴💷💵

As quick as my reflexes can be, I quickly recovered and whispered to myself that all these snafu that early morning should NOT define me for that day by egging myself to STICK to my priorities, THAT I got deliverables that day, THAT nothing else can spoil my day except my non-delivery [which was a NO-NO]❌❌❌

So, hearing these expressions like, "I'm pissed off with my mom", "I'm furious with my boss" OR "I'm sad and depressed today", those are manifestations or the first inklings where we're using our emotions to DEFINE who we are, even for a day.  WHEN we succumb to that failing, we are almost GIVING UP our own identify and end up being controlled by our emotions.  More often, we do NOT become 'angry; or 'happy'.  Instead, we merely feel ANGER or HAPPINESS.  Whatever it is we are FEELING, it is important to remember that we are still ourselves.  A human being who feels a wide spectrum of EMOTIONS. So, what really happens when you make that distinction in the way you approach EMOTIONS is that we will end up realizing that we are still in CONTROL of things.  We should realize the complex creature that allows us to hold multiple personalities and FEELINGS at the same time and IF it cab easy to compartmentalize.  Just ensure our FEELINGS MUST NOT DEFINE US❗❗❗