Morphing From Being Useful to NOT is Tough

Morphing From Being Useful to NOT is Tough

A lot of things in life do go through morphing and that is fine.  Example when a boy adores his father, eventually he could be morphing into his father.  What is regrettable is when we are morphing from being useful to NOT.  Then things become Tough when that evolves.

BTW, let's set aside morphing of physical attributes because that's not even a discussion point.  But instead, I'd like to tackle some 'horror stories' when someone is morphing from being useful to NOT.  Why ?  Because that points to us a lot of wastage.  Wastage talent and knowledge.  Wasted opportunity.  Wasted efforts even if it means non-efforts in the first place.  In a nutshell, just seeing  utter wastage is disheartening.  Imagine someone who's an expert in his craft but whose nowhere in his direction now.  A technical handyman who used to be a jack-of-all-trades but who is now idle.

Isn't it a wastage if in the past, you would always STAND OUT IN A CROWD, with your stakeholders plucking you out from the crowd but now, you're simply incognito?  How many opportunities will be missed out simply because you are there idle, passive and just oblivious of all the goings-on ?  And when those opportunities in life do slip past you, how can you recoup those missed opportunities ?

To quote Hillary Clinton, WOMEN ARE THE LARGEST UNTAPPED RESERVOIR OF TALENT.  Our dilemma is, things seem to be happening so fast, we got to catch up by morphing much faster.  As our global village itself is morphing faster than we expected, we need to keep pace with it, else we will end up IRRELEVANT.

Oh, those HELP WANTED tags are all over the place.  What needs to be tapped are our energy, our talent + our commitment.  It's all there for our picking.  You may be an IT SME, a medical front-liner, a finance specialist, a real estate agent.  Name it, all of those opportunities are for our picking.  It's a huge letdown though when we start morphing from being useful to NOT.  That's Tough 📌📌📌

Are You Just HUMMING ?

Are You Just HUMMING ?

How is it ?  How are you steering your life along the road?  Are You Just HUMMING?  Hmmmmm per se, there is nothing wrong with humming at all because in the first place, it manifests that you are aware of the goings-on and indeed you are trying to go along with it.  But what is quite disconcerting is if your humming has become your default such that most of the time, Are You Just HUMMING?

The analogy here is that in our life, when we Are You Just HUMMING, it's those moments of passiveness when you are exerting less efforts, burning less energy and that is perfectly fine more as an exception.  Example, after a whole day of work, you sit back, sip coffee and start to be HUMMING. Or you're a homemaker, after non-stop house chores, you take a  break and start to be HUMMING.  What is approaching alarm levels is if most of the time you're HUMMING.

With giraffes, they do spend a lot of their evenings HUMMING but that's them.  For us, HUMMING reflects passiveness and when you are in that passive state, if you're angling for something, your passive approach will take you longer, if at all, to achieve that goal.  Whereas, the active [or hyper-active] one should get things it done by a mile ahead of you.  If you're in a marathon, yes you might still reach the FINISH LINE but after everyone went home by then.

Indeed with technology today, you can just do the HUMMING and the apps will identify the song you're HUMMING but that's music.  In life, if you're a jobseeker and you're just waiting for job opportunities to knock on your door, so sorry Senor, it doesn't work out that way.  True, your bff will go all the way to your doorstep to bring the good tidings but that's a longshot to say the least.

Frankly, if you have been HUMMING most of the time, it's about time you take over your life in a much aggressive stance than ever.  You got to take matters in your own hands WITH CRITICAL URGENCY.  It is true that human nature dictates upon us to prioritize tasks which are urgent BUT how about the IMPORTANT ones ?  We just need to ACT AGAIN and aggressively act AS IF your back is against the wall ⌛⏳⌛

Don't Be Another Victim [via MODUS]

Don't Be Another Victim [via MODUS]

[p.s. credit to my banker, Citibank, for reposting the above snippet].

A hell lot of things did come and go.  Big names like Prince Philip and even Hollywood's Babyface died in 2021.  While other fortuitous event like this pandemic is still very much around our neck.  And besides this pandemic, there's one damn pesky irritant right behind our backs and it's becoming more than just an irritant because it does wreak havoc in us, sometimes impacting our finances but more often causing untold anxiety and stress.   Yesirrrrrr these are the digital scammers who are still very much around us.

BTW, who doesn't like freebies ?  I had the good fortune [many times in the past] for enjoying freebies.  That free business class upgrade [thank you Singapore Airlines], that full boxed suite of chocolates offered to me by the Flight Purse because my pre-ordered halal meal wasn't available [thank you to Cathay Pacific], that scrumptious Swensen's Ice Cream Cake [because what I bought simply melted out].  And just a lot more.  But thankfully, I didn't fall prey to digital scammers yet [not until recently when out of the blues when my card incurred a USD 1,300 transaction - but thanks to Citi, in less than a minute, that transaction was blocked].

Back to the most prevalent digital scams these days, we hope that by sharing the above snippets, you can even cascade these advisories to your families and friends.  

Let's admit it, these scammers lurking around seem smarter than most of us, let's admit that.  But the least we can is to be in-step with their sinister plan and it boils down to very basic ground rules:

SCAMMERS will pose as officers of your credit card company and the most popular trick to make you PANIC is to advise you that they have BLOCKED your credit card because it has been compromised !  

Then as you are gasping for oxygen, they will coax you NOT TO WORRY as long as you follow their next tricks, like sending you a link via email and KINDLY CLICK IT [DON'T !].  Then as they can smell you are falling prey, they will now be more explicit to instruct you to send them your CARD DETAILS for various farcical reasons they all concocted in an intricate manner.

Unfortunately, the final nail that may likely cause us to fall prey on these scams is our current habits of multi-tasking.  Don't get me wrong as I multi-task as often as well but when the sword of Damocles is hanging over our head, when our focus and attention gets thinly spread, before you know it, the scammer is right around your neck as you click the LINK they would send and even send them your card details, those one-time PINs.  Dude, to be forewarned is to be forearmed ❗❗❗

Until When Will We Get this SHOCK & AWE ?

Until When Will We Get this SHOCK & AWE ?

Who wants SHOCK & AWE happening over and over again ?  Indeed no one would welcome that but hey, do you agree that that SHOCK & AWE has been recurring over and over again throughout our lives ?  And can't we just agree that at least half of the time in our lives, we can find the answer to this daming question Until When Will We Get this SHOCK & AWE ?

Before figuring out how from our end we can avert or at the very least influence the factors that trigger SHOCK & AWE, it behooves for us to realize the ramifications when SHOCK & AWE does happen.  And the probabilities are mind boggling and scary.  We get rattled, pressured, demotivated, threatened and even losing our sense of control in our life.  Why ?

In short, how do we deal with surprises in life ?  Firstly, you need to accept the fact that SURPRISES HAPPEN.  Before moving on our discussion any farther, we need your buy-in no less.  The worst thing is when we refuse to accept that SURPRISES HAPPEN because by refusing to accept that reality, your first step becomes a serious misstep.

When SURPRISES HAPPEN, how do we typically react ?  Do we become stressed ?  Do we tend to panic ?  Flustered ?  Angry ?  Truth of the matter is there are people who find it difficult to cope not only with negative experiences but also with positive ones.  There are numerous simple situations in life when and where we even end up in SHOCK & AWE.  Remember that morning when you were about to prepare your morning coffee only to find out that you ran out of coffee ?  An exception as petty as that one can lead you to a SHOCK & AWE, unfortunately. 

So let's FAST-TALK.  How do we deal with SHOCK & AWE.  #1 - ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT [when you accept surprises in life, it will be easier to deal with it].  Always have that POSITIVE ATTITUDE because not all surprises end up negative as it could be a BLESSING IN DISGUISE as it awakens you, motivates you more than you were motivated then ✅✅✅

Why Life is an ONION

Why Life is an ONION

Why pick up the ONION as our discussion for today ?  You might be surprised if we claim that life is like peeling an onion.  Remember we peel it off one layer at a time and sometimes we even weep.  Oh, tension is just a staple of our regular everyday lives, whether we like it or not.  That frenetic pace th% at never slows down, distressing situations that tend to dampen our hopes and sometimes a chaotic home life that never gets back to its ideal state but simply worsens.

Tensions of life are multi-layered and an onion is an apt metaphor to describe the many dimensions of our everyday strains.  Each layer adds to the mystery and confusion which tension creates inside us.  If we can analyze what the layers of the tension are made of and what may have led to their growth, we have the chance of exploring things reflectively.  For instance, we may see that, like an onion, there is a circle, symmetry and consistency about how we manage our anxiety.  We may realize that the tensions of our life have substance but that they can be cut through.  So indeed, LIFE is like an ONION.

In short, it is all the tensions that seem to embroil us in this onion-like life which makes LIFE an ONION.  Embracing the truth about TENSION is a good first step.  Accepting the fact that tension is your response to external stimuli [and not the stimuli themselves] is already half battle won toward diffusing it.  Studies even show that roughly 70% of individuals have consistent tension to some extent.  This isn't because there is a life-threatening danger or that uncertain times we are going on.  This is merely because these people would not relinquish the past.

Now, to get to the ROOT CAUSE, we got to understand STRESS itself.  Sometimes it is easy for us to know we're stressed but other times we may not even know that we're stressed.  This is because STRESS can manifest in different ways, often affecting us both physically and emotionally.  To help identify whether or not you are in tension, be on the look out for the most obvious symptoms like a sense of being overwhelmed, difficulty in sleeping, loss of appetite, negative thoughts, feeling tearful and so on.

POSITIVE SELF-TALK, try this out.  Instead of saying I CAN'T DO THIS, why can't we say it I'LL DO ALL I CAN.  Instead of I HATE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS, how about I KNOW HOW TO MANAGE THIS. There will be a huge difference if we carry on life either negatively or positively.  As an icing on the cake, it will help if you surround yourself with POSITIVE PEOPLE and go to them when you need to.  Invest time connecting with your LOVED ONES.  The key is to find your groove ✅✅✅

The MAIN THING is to Keep the MAIN THING the MAIN THING

The MAIN THING is to Keep the MAIN THING the MAIN THING

This may be a topic discussed a zlllion times but this just deserves to be discoursed over and over again because in our life, the MAIN THING is to Keep the MAIN THING the MAIN THING.  You go off-track and offline, you will lose grip of the top of the topmost things that need your utter focus.  End result ?  You will fail to achieve your target, your goal.  You will fall short of what you zeroed-in to achieve.  BTW, this seemingly redundant and verbose statement is widely quoted from Stephen Covey, the respected American who authored 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE. 

This poster may be an exaggeration but says it all in one shot.  That is, if you need to do something because that's the most important task to perform at that point in time, keep your sharp and consistent focus.  Taking a leaf from Stephen Covey, he rattles off the 7 HABITS of HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE and topping that list is to BE PROACTIVE.  And that couldn't be farther from my mantra.

Being PROACTIVE tops because of its one too many obvious benefits.  It let's you avoid that potential CHAOS if things go off track.  You SAVE TIME, MONEY and even EFFORTS as opposed when you end up as REACTIVE.  By being proactive, it gives you that elbow room for flexibility [as against if you are catching up].  And with a proactive approach, it allows you to better plan for the future.

No pun intended but to quote Stephen Covey, the key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule but instead, to schedule your priorities.  I'll let out the cat out of the bag. What is that single mistake which we [yes that includes myself] have been committing over and over again until this very day ?  It is our human tendency to spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.

Oh I love this cute poster likening life to the camera.  Indeed, LIFE IS LIKE A CAMERA.  FOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT AND YOU'LL CAPTURE IT PERFECTLY.  Problem is, we are so vulerable.  We easily get distratec and disrupted.  If we're watching a movie in the film room, when someone steps in or out, many of us tend to look over that seemingly minor commotion.  The key here is FOCUS because once we compromise our FOCUS on the important things in life, before you know, it's GAME OVER for you, dude ❗❗❗

If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY !

If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY !

Life is a world of choices, alternatives and options.  So this explains our topsy-turvy world of bedlam, confusion and judgment calls that go awry.  Lesson being told by our mentors over and over again:  If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY !  And that's the riddle in our life, figuring out if a choice or an option is  'Net Positive' because honestly, this is really easier said than done because this is not a matter of X's and O's but instead of lot more of what have you and what you won't have.

Finding the 'Net Positive' is even akin to separating the chaff from the grain because more often, you can see the chaff versus the grain but separating both would entail enormous efforts and time.  Remember those times when you were searching for a relationship but ending up in a quandary because separating the Positive versus the Negative, the UPsides versus the DOWNsides makes things so complex closer like rocket science.

As life is full of choices, some are easy such as what to have for dinner and other choices are more serious ones, like deciding which career path to take.  Regardless, good decision skills are useful in life especially if you feel indecisive about something and it's getting you down.  So how do we go about life ?

When faced with a tough decision, it's common if we feel either overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, pressured, confused, distracted or even listless or tired.  What's the way out of all these symptoms ?  It's making the best decisions in life because that will make you immune from all these negative symptoms.  So how do we then find the  'Net Positive' ?  GIVE YOURSELF TIME. It's tough to decide when under pressure and quite often, your best idea isn't the best one.

WEIGH the PROs and CONs.  When we are pressured to make big decisions, quite often we do not see the big picture.  THINK ABOUT YOUR GOALS and VALUES.  When you factor into a decision the things that are important to you, the best option might become obvious.  CONSIDER ALL THE POSSIBILITIES.  When considering options, besides positives and negatives, consider the likely consequences.  Bottomline, If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY ✅✅✅

Jumping to Conclusion

Jumping to Conclusion

How often have we witnessed or actually endured or experienced Jumping to Conclusions on a first-hand basis ?  Surely, we can't count the numerous times people [and that includes me in the past] will jump prematurely to their own conclusion, more often, faster than the speed lightning strikes.  And the most regrettable of our human tendency Jumping to Conclusions is that situations go from bad to worse, small problems balloon to become complex problems leading us all to a crisis.  How many times have we seen relationships break up, commitments flounder and businesses fall flat all due to Jumping to Conclusions ?

So here we are indeed with a huge problem, when everyone seems to be Jumping to Conclusions prematurely ?  Let's put ourselves on the receiving end, if we are a job seeker and here we are for our final interview.  And the result was ?  We failed in the job interview.  For various plausible reasons, it could explain why we failed that job interview.  But what if the interviewer gave you a THUMBS DOWN simply because of your body language ?

What happens when people are Jumping to Conclusions ?  They speculate, assume, guess, estimate, wonder, infer, suspect, presume, theorize.  Name it they have it.  They will prematurely shape up their conclusion about based on snippets of data that are on hand.  Is this fair, just and reasonable ?  I'll be the first to scream NOHHHHHHHHHH because I really loathe this Jumping to Conclusions because it does not give a true and correct picture of the person being judged.  Instead, the conclusions end up as either distorted or worst convoluted and far from truth.

Jumping to Conclusions is that detestable thing we still happening.  Don't we value more relationships and even go to the extent of jumping from the frying pan to the fire by Jumping to Conclusions ?  Meanwhile, the most we can do is to assess what we can do from within us in a proactive way even before people around us start Jumping to Conclusions.  

The main way to avoid jumping to conclusions is to conduct a valid, evidence-based reasoning process instead of intuitive judgments based on insufficient information.  A lot of these can be averted if we avoid favoring a single hypothesis Jumping to Conclusions may not be as prevalent and as rampant as it has been now.  At the very least, we can do our part to minimize Jumping to Conclusions ❗❗❗

DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be

DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be

How often have we heard highly conflicting stories that end up squeezing a person between an immovable influence in his/her life and a wall at that ? Who has not heard of spine-tingling stories that a parent kept insisting that his/her child should pursue this calling or that vocation ?  Or parents [unwittingly] pushing his/her child against the wall because they want him/her to be what their eldest sibling ended up with ?  And what's the failure rate for people pushed against the wall ?  Quite high, to be honest.  Such failures even exceed the 80% threshold.  Why do we think all these keep hounding us over and over again ?  It's because we are unable to realize that all we need to do and to be is DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be.

I have seen families where one sibling was etching his mark in his career, and finally realizing the typical success milestones, a home, a car and a budding career at that.  Then you would hear the parents pushing the younger brood to follow the footsteps of the eldest.  But hey, we are unique from each other.  Not even the Siamese Twins can be almost identical inside out.  But as the stereo typed story goes, the younger siblings literally toe the line, in their earnest desire to appease the parents, they pour it out but frequently, they fall short of the expectations.

Let us not be a square peg in a round hole, much the way the seaman was left high and dry because he pursued things not his liking but more because he was stepping into the shoes of someone who is NOT him.  And even if we fret, we will always end up with that miserable ending of a story unless and until we embrace this mantra: DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be.  I even had cousins before who's only option is to pursue the vocation their mother dictated ever since their eldest brother was ordained a priest.  Net result, out of four brothers, only the eldest became a priest.

Remember, if by blood we may be cut from the same cloth, it doesn't follow that our future will be identical enough as dictated upon by the influencers in our life.  That runway of life, ours remains unique from each other.  Even prior to our takeoff,  how high and far can we go can only be shaped by us.

Let's swing into real-life scenarios.  More often, we seem attracted by the role or position in the organization because we see someone successful enough.  But hey, it's grossly unfair if you will succumb to that ambition to be a manager because that successful manager has definitely unique capabilities, quite apart from yours.  You might be a dyed-in-the-wool techie so, please pursue that track instead of envisioning to be manager sans the skills/capabilities required from a manager.  Just DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be.   ✅✅✅

Don't Price Yourself Out of the Market

Don't Price Yourself Out of the Market

Everyone once in a while, it is you, it is us who will decide on our own fate.  You can be seeking a long-term relationship.  Or you can be a jobseeker.  Or you can be an entrepreneur.  Either way, you will reach points wherein you need to Price Yourself vis-a-vis the Market.  You might be playing a 'hard to get' single.  Or you might be overly angling for a salary level based on your expectation.  Or you could be an overly ambitious businessman trying to up the ante of his cash register.  Nothing wrong if you Price Yourself Out of the Market and that is fine as long as you don't regret yourself for holding to an empty bag by end of day.

Any third party will be hard pressed to question you the way you price yourself in the market because you are yourself's best salesman.  Who are we to question your pricing ?  But if you end up holding an empty bag, who else is the culprit for that dilemma ?  So, our constant challenge in life is how to make ourself competitive enough by not 'hugging the cellar' but on the other hand, please Don't Price Yourself Out of the Market.

If there is a ground rule #1, it is STANDING OUT FROM THE CROWD.  Regardless of the community you are in now, you will be always part of a crowd and that's a huge challenge.  How can you STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD ?  But this is a question that is not like a steep mountain to climb.  Identifying your most sterling capabilities and beating your chest out for everyone's awareness is all that you need to take.  

Remember, by nature, man is an egoist, so self-centered and in a nutshell, selfish enough.  Why expect Tom, Dick and Harry to keep tab of your capabilities and ace cards in life ?  When they themselves are busy enough trying to package themselves up, bundling themselves with various add-ons because at the end of the day, they would want to be the best product that is most viable from the market.

So what's the trick ?  These high flyers will spice up themselves by bundling various VALUE-ADDs and ADD-ONs without the target party asking for it.  Imagine if you're a jobseeker so besides your technical skills, you push up your attitude, your positive mindset, your end to end sense of responsibility ?  That certainly did not Price Yourself Out of the Market but instead, it put you in the radar of the stakeholders.  Any takers ❓❓❓

 

Going From the Frying Pan to the Fire

Going From the Frying Pan to the Fire

Who wants to Go From the Frying Pan to the Fire?  I guess no one would, right ?  But would you believe that many of us still go through that wringer despite all the downsides ?  Putting your foot down, stamping down an action. Cutting off and ending a relationship.  Burning bridges like when you are about to hop from one job to another.  Severing all business relationships when your business hits rough waters.  Abandoning a cause or initiative which originally you totally embraced but have now left it in total abandonment.  Much as we don't want all these to happen, they do happen.

For the most part, the advice 'never burn bridges' is a good advice but there will be always exceptions.  Like, some bridges really need to be burned ?  Sometimes for your own sake, you need to take a stand.  BTW, burning a bridge entails taking a risk which you get exposed to.  If you tell your boss that you're leaving your job because you can't subscribe to your boss' brand of business ethics, you'll burn a bridge.  But do you care to cross this bridge ?

Your boss may be a horrible manager [to your perception] who treats employees like dirt and rips off your customers.  You might worry about telling your boss the truth because somewhere in the distant future, you might run into your boss again.  So what ?  Do you really think that in this wide world, you're going to find yourself in a position where this one sleazy person's opinion of you matters ? Hmmmm, if you never speak the truth, your truth-telling muscles won't grow.

The thing is, you can't spend your whole life trying to avoid this risk.  There is risk even in just crossing the street.  the more truths you tell, the more risks you will take.  And the more risks you take, the stronger you will become.  That's the stark truth.  So, to Go From the Frying Pan to the Fire is not that akin to a no man's land.  Truth is, there are people stuck in fear all over the place.

Thing is, we cannot waste our precious brain and heart cells worrying whether a person will like you or not years in the future.  You just need to focus on your own path.  No matter what you do, some people will continue to like you and some will not.  Your goal then is to find those PEOPLE WHO RESONATE INTO YOUR FREQUENCY and not just to placate and appease everyone else around you.  If and when you Go From the Frying Pan to the Fire, assess the situation a zillion times please ⏳⌛⏳