Mind Over Matter

 Mind Over Matter

Numerous studies have shown that we humans are an easily distracted species.  If I can't convince you right now, look around you, those folks holding on to their respective smart phones RIGHT NOW.  The irony here is that admittedly, we always longed for ways to really regulate our very own attention.  Mind Over Matter, that's the long and short of it.  I'd like to quote an extract from the Hindu Book which states our mind is "AS DIFFICULT TO CONTROL AS THE WIND".  I'd like to quote Michael Posner, a Fellow from the University of Oregon whose studies have shown that it's never a lost cause for us.  There are just two ways to train the mind.

According to Posner, his studies have validated that indeed people can learn to control their minds through practice.  There just seems a variety of ways to do such improvement.  'Mindfulness Meditation' was even introduced in some studies which proved that a month of meditation has altered the brain structure.  Along the lines of psychological studies, Posner recruited a group of smokers and non-smokers, randomly assigning some of them with tasks to make them more relaxed.  After two weeks, that 'relaxation' group showed a significant reduction in cigarette consumption.  This is Mind Over Matter no less.

That 'carrot and stick'?  That works.  It's not just another colloquialism.  Instead, those carrot things, those stick things, they really work.  But here's the not-so-secret formula.  There has to be CONSISTENCY no less because that is key for the Mind to prevail Over Matter

What amazed psychologists like Posner is that when there is a significant change in a person's behavior, that very person does not even realize that.  Why?  It's because the changes in their brain had given them more SELF-CONTROL without them realizing they were smoking less despite the fact that some of the reduction levels approached those of a quitter [in smoking]. This is another proof that indeed Mind prevails Over Matter.

Even that word I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E can be disproven and broken up.  Unfortunately, in life, our mindset stores a lot of IMPOSSIBLE stuff, leaving very little room for those that are POSSIBLE.  So, what pushes us to hurdle whatever is IMPOSSIBLE  All it takes is to recontrol those things n life that may be going way out of your control.  RECONTROLLING things is a must way before you think that Mind does prevail Over Matter📗📘📙

Climbing Back In Life Is Most Important Than Anything Else

Climbing Back In Life Is Most Important

More than anything else, Climbing Back In Life is easily the most important NEXT STEP we need to take in life.  For multifarious reasons.  Firstly, your life is at stake.  Secondly, your fate is probably at the precipice of hitting a wall where you seem incapacitated to recover and restart things all over again.  Once you let this chance pass by you, it ain't knocking on your door AGAIN

Without veering into religion, one of the key teachings in Buddhism is that in life, there is always SUFFERING.  That life is impermanent and fragile.  Nothing will realy last.  Eventually, we will 'LOSE IT ALL'.  We care about and grasp unto much of what will ultimately change.  And in addition, life is just peppered with injury, sickness, losing loved ones and even death [sadly].  Now, what we're pitching is climbing back in life.

Climbing back in life is no 'cake walk'.  In fact more often, we will endure more of anguish and sufferings way long before we eventually turn things around.  Akin to the challenging climbing of steep mountain slopes, sometimes we will tend to hit successes that seem more of a respite in a 'pit stop' rather than being a milestone success.  And eventually, that progress may plateau and that will just make us more frustrated.

And those 'down' experiences will surely cause excessive emotions and frustrations, perhaps you end up too attached to how you currently feel and are performing.  And this does tie your happiness to variables you CAN'T control

At the end of the day, let us not loose of the fact that we just CAN'T turn things around just by and just on our own.  That's when you gotta remembering 'CALLING A FRIEND' because IT IS WHAT IT IS.  You got to leverage on that HELPLINE especially when you're running out [and probably, you ran out] of cards.  What is imperative is never lose sight that CLIMBING BACK IN LIFE is most important more than anything else💊💊💊

The Devil Is In The Details

The Devil Is In The Details

We have heard this zillion times, that indeed The Devil Is In The Details.  But who cares? Who takes that adage seriously.  Most of us [including myself in the past] would think that this is nothing more than just another adage we can spew out.  Seriously, there is a huge reservoir of insights we can pluck out from this adage because this just cuts through our life.

Many of us [wrongly] thought that when we hear "The Devil Is In The Details", it's about those contracts and documents [which seems boring to many of us].  But did we realize that when we do hear The Devil Is In The Details, what this means is that many things that are relevant enough in life are details which are not visible enough on the surface.  Often times, the details are scattered all over the surface but it does NOT get our attention [spelled A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-I-O-N].

So, what explains why do we end up missing [not MESSING] up the relevant details?  It is because it is human nature that we end u seeing what we want to see and hear what we want to hear but NOT those we neither want to see or hear].  Let's get into our relationship with our partner/spouse.  Sometimes, let's admit that we tend to 'SHUT OFF' our eardrums for things we refuse to hear.  So, its NOT a surprise if we end up missing those relevant Details. 

So, what happens when we end up missing the details in life?  We could miss things BIG TIME.  While we keep hearing that we should have that 'HELICOPTER VIEW', unless you deep-dive into the details, it is very likely you will miss the biggest chunk of it all, that's for sure.

We have heard students ending up with miserable academic results because they missed out the relevant details.  We have heard workers getting axed because they either missed on their deliverables or they breached SLA's.  Or probably one's relationship with his partner/spouse hardly recovered back to stabilize because we missed out understanding the details that caused your partner/spouse to feel that bad.  This is really all about the devil may be in the details📌📌📌

Remember the 'RESET' Button?

Remember the 'RESET' Button?

Oh, this is one of the most popular fixes across the world.  When your mobile phone hangs up and quite irrecoverable, you would then invoke the 'FACTORY RESET' option.  When your laptop's issues become chronic, you would invoke your laptop vendor's RESET options.  But how often did we realize that hen we are beset with various problems in life, when all is a lost cause', Remember that 'RESET' Button?

But alas, all along we have been so familar with that RESET button for all the issues we have been facing with regard all our gadgets.  But we missed BIG TIME factoring-in that 'RESET' button in our lives.  When someone was enduring various medical symptoms, all pointing to various underlying illnesses, did he ever consider the 'RESET'  button?  When you were still in school and kinda struggling with your academic performance, did you ever consider that 'RESET'  button?

And at the workplace, when you hit rough patches at the workplace, even after you flopped at your work left and right till H.R. slaps you with a final 'SHAPE UP' notice, did you ever consider that  'RESET'  button? And let's swing back to the many monents in our life when our emotions lorded it over us, causing us to lose that capability to think things thoroughly, sanely did you ever consider that 'RESET'  button?

Oh, i liked this poster saying it all.  Yesirrrrrs, let us NOT miss out to TRY, i.e. TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF and that's no less than  invoking and pressing that 'RESET'  button.  Why do we have numerous and repetitive 'misses' in life?  More often than not, we failed to realize and recognize the fact that most of our problems can have increased chances of being resolved with a 'RESET'  button.

We may not shielded with failures but we are NOT totally helpless.  Our relationship with our spouse/partner may have seen its better days but you will always have that china man's chance of turning things around with that 'RESET'  button.  Inject PRIDE.  Add-in your bloated EGO.  Voila, you have the recipe to FAIL, that formula to FLOP.  All because you have looked farther down the road instead of facing the mirror and realizing that that 'RESET'  button is your very 'ace up in your sleeves'.  Nothing is lost dude📌📌📌

Never Start What You Can't Finish

Never Start What You Can't Finish

Historians documented that Charles Darwin spent 22 years travelling around the world and making observations then connecting the dots on the origins of our species.  Then that time came to go public with his THEORY of EVOLUTION.  So, he realized that he should have Never Start What he Can't Finish.  For some of us, it's that very anxiety about our work and sharing it that keeps us from seeing it through to the end.

Even if you spend endless hours constructing a narrative about how impactful an idea can be, nothing changes if you DON'T deliver on that idea.  Shipping or bringing that idea into fruition, is what causes change to happen.  Then you will realize, albeit of late that indeed, you Never Start What You Can't Finish Now what are the COMMON ROADBLOCKS that get in the way and how can we overcome it?

Let's think about it, where will be better off?  Being READY ?  or Being PREPARED ?  In the United States, it is commonly heard that the route to Carnegie Hall [that famous and cavernous concert hall in New York] is paved with PRACTICE PRACTICE and PRACTICE.  But PRACTICE is another word for PREPARATION.  I'm not referring to being prepared though.  Preparations ISN'T synonymous with being READY.  READY is an emotional choice, the decision to put something into the world and say 'I MADE THIS !' That emotional choice of exposing ourselves. Never Start What You Can't Finish

Flipside of things, let's recall the times when we started off an argument that turned into a full-blown quarrel.  Sounds familiar?  Yeah, here's my question.  Did you FINISH off that quarrel?  Got it fixed or closed out?  That's where we are commonly guilty of.  There are gaps and quarrels we leave it at that, [wrongly] thinking that it will die a natural death.  No sirrrrrrrrrrs, it won't.

So what is it we want?  Nothing less than a peaceful and serene life where we will enjoy our moments, either by ourselves [a.k.a. SELF-CARE] or with our loved ones, our partner/spouse no less.  Regardless, let's get this embedded within us:  NEVER START WHAT YOU CAN'T FINISH, whether it's towards achieving your goals or having started a conflict that needs to be fixed and dusted off📗📘📙

Take The Easy Bucket

Take The Easy Bucket

Many, in fact, most of the things in life are NOT 'giveaways'.  In NBA jargon, there are NO 'gimme shots'.  You got to kick your butt and earn it.  Having said that, DON'T forget to Take The Easy Bucket because, like it or not, there are those 'low hanging fruits' which are up for your pickin' [if you DON'T miss it].  If and when you miss it, it dissipates in thin air because those opportunities a.k.a. 'low hanging fruits' will not wait, in eternity, for you to lift your finger.

Yesirrrrs fruits are fruits eventually for you to pick up and harvest but talking about harvesting is an entirely new ballgame.  Whereas, with minimal effort, there are tose EASY BUCKETS, those low hanging fruits for you to Take The Easy Bucket.  Problem for some of us, when it's that a low hanging fruit, we'll rather wait for it to drop on the ground.

As my personal sharing here, you could challenge me, why didn't I end up ensconced in those CxO-level roles?  Good question.  Likely, it is because I didn't [honestly] aim for those TOP PLUMS.  I thought I'm not cut for the high and dry tactics in the boardroom, the nip and tuck games embroiled with hidden maneuvers and 'beneath the surface' bickering that evolve to full-blown turmoil.  Not an excuse but this is just a personal affirmation of what DIDN'T happen.

Play "devil's advocate' if you may.  Why shouldn't we be angling for the 'high hanging' fruit?  YES YOU CAN, by all means. But we got to realize that you need an Xtra ladder, Xtra efforts, Xtra energy to even have a china man's chance to grab that fruit.   Whereas with those 'low hanging fruits', what else do you need?  All you need is your own personal gumption and appetite to go for it, grab the fruit and run away with it.  Just another no-brainer.

So, this is all life about.  We will grapple, struggle and wrestle and even brawl all we want but do we want to take the long, hard and circuitous road as against that narrow but simple straight point to point trek?  This reminds me as to why the demigods in the NBA are very good at.  At crunch time, the coaches would plot out the 'TAKE THE EASY BUCKET' plans which will catch the opponent totally off-guarded.  Swinging back to our lives, do consider to TAKE THE EASY BUCKET📌📌📌

From Confusion to Clarity

From Confusion to Clarity

Who wants confusion?  Definitely no one.  But can we avoid confusion?  No way, Jose.  Why?  Because confusion is part and parcel of life. In fact, life in itself is a roadmap From Confusion to Clarity.  Never expect to get into that CLARITY state unless you started off somewhere the CONFUSION point.  When we hear "I DON'T KNOW", many times, these three words send some people into a PANIC state.  Not knowing can feel stressful.  It seems like you aren't on the right track.

Or that maybe you're never going to figure out the solution to your challenge and in the discomfort of 'NOT KNOWING" you avoid it like the plague.  When the first answer to "WHAT DO I WANT HERE?" is "I DON'T KNOW", you ricochet off the topic like a super ball and you avoid digging into it any deeper.  BUT that is NOT the way to find a solution.  As the poets say it, "KEEP DIGGING FOR BURIED TREASURE".

Imagine that you're a pirate, digging for buried treasure.  You land in a remote island, shovel in hand.  You're looking to find the treasure chest of your answer.  But as you begin to dig, all you're pulling up is dirt !  Then, imagine you get so UPSET and just stopped digging.  Just because you pulled up a few shovels of dirt.  That would sound crazy, right ?  Of course, you will scoop up some dirt because after all, this is buried treasure after all.  

BUT, we often react that way in our lives.  When you DON'T know the answer to something, you just stop digging.  BTW, the digging takes and requires SOME effort and it is definitely uncomfortable.  This is much more true when you're wrestling with a big challenge.  You may need to dig through more dirt of 'NOT KNOWING' before you get to the gold of 'KNOWING".  

All of this is to say this:  IF YOU LET THE FIRST FEW INSTANCES OF "I DON'T KNOW' HOLD YOU BACK FROM SEEKING YOUR ANSWER, YOU'LL NEEVR FIND IT".  Coming from CONFUSION to CLARITY is a long, arduous road to trek and BTW, not everyone does survive that treacherous trek.  So that's it.  The ROAD to CLARITY starts with CONFUSION.  The misconception here is that "NOT KNOWING" is bad and "KNOWING" is good because that means you are on track from CONFUSION to CLARITY📌📌📌

FEXTNG, Anyone ?

FEXTNG, Anyone ?

FEXTNG, Anyone ?  Honestly, when I came across in ChannelnewsAsia today that 'FEXTING KEEPS LAWYERS and THERAPISTS BUSY' at this link today https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/living/fexting-or-fighting-over-text-message-keeps-therapists-and-divorce-lawyers-busy-338191 .  So, to keep us all on the same page, here is the FEXTING definition:  It is simply FIGHTING OVER TEXT, period.  That simple.  So, I told myself, this is worth dissecting today, isn't it?  No less than U.S. First Lady admitted in the Harper's Bazaar interview that occasionally, she and U.S. Pres. Joe Biden get into 'FEXTING, ouch.  So, I realized FEXTING is not limited to millennials, hehehe.

Apparently, there are zillions of reasons we might end up taking up things thru FEXTING, tapping our phones to air our grievances.  BTW, FEXTING can happen both in platonic  or romantic relationships.  For one, expressing hurt in a live and face-to-face scenario can be intimidating indeed.  Especially if you are into a 'HATE CONFLICT'.  And taking the time tow write out your thoughts can help you stay that composed, most of the time anyway.

And as it is now common for us to live across different time zones, or you DON'T see your partner/spouse or friend in question often, this mode of communication may feel all but natural.  At the same time, leaning on a regular texting practice might not be doing your relationship any favors, seriously.  While it's possible to disagree with your partner/spouse and settle an argument constructively, there are also many ways to go about conflict that will only make things worse.

And when arguing via FEXTING, that becomes risky as the conflict can go from BAD to WORSE.  So, when will things will exacerbate an argument or conflict?  using HARSH words, sending SUCCESSIVE messages to overwhelm, using EMOJIs, photos or GIFs and videos in an immature nature to illicit NEGATIVE emotional responses, STONEWALLING or refusing to respond in a constructive way or TYPING AS IF replying BUT with NO intention of sending it

DON'T get me wrong though.  I grabbed this poster which shows the 'POSITIVES of FEXTING [and I totally agree with this].  So, what's our FIX?  Let us NOT totally shun off FEXTING but that option has to be invoked in a very calculated and cautious manner.  A 'DO IT ALL' solution via FEXTING will turn things from BAD to WORSE.  To be forewarned is to be forearmed📗📘📙

Stand Your Ground

Stand Your Ground

In the United States, thirty eight [38] states have Stand Your Ground Laws.  Not bad for the global bastion of democracy.  But we won't get into that domain but instead, we'd like to spend this Sunday to discuss how as a person do we STAND OUR GROUND?  To STAND OUR GROUND from a principle perspective.  To STAND OUR GROUND from an integrity standpoint.  To STAND OUR GROUND from a filial and loyalty standpoint.

In life, we constantly face that challenge a.k.a. opportunity to STAND OUR GROUND in various circumstances.  From our time in school onwards, we are taught to maintain that integrity beyond  doubt.  And as we transition to the workspace, the integrity values are carried on.  And surely, from time to time, we get exposed with risks and those temptations where our integrity is at stake.  Where sometimes the benefits are so tempting even at the point of breaching our values in integrity.

How many times were we in the precipice of achieving our goals but at that point, there was that opportunity to deviate and cut corners at the cost of breaching our values and principles?  To STAND OUR GROUND in those situations will be damn tough and this is where weaker souls may not thrive.

Principles are our deeply held values and that's what we need to STAND OUR GROUND.  Things like honesty, a sense of humor, perseverance and strength are all principles.  These are things that you know about yourself down deep.  They show who you are and what you care about.  Acting according to your principles is the essence of AUTHENCITY and INTEGRITY.  When we are 'IN SYNC' with our principles [even in the face of resistance or challenge], we're showing others that they can trust us and you and exactly how we can be trusted.  Our principles are essential to defining our 'personal brand'.

So what's our fix?  Make a list of your 3 to 5 things you STAND UP FOR.  It could be related to your ambitions, courage, hard work, innovation, passion reliability or your wisdom.  But if you hate the idea of a list, there are other ways to assess your principles.  Either way, it behooves that you STAND YOUR GROUND because you could be the LAST MAN STANDING✅✅✅ 

Wanna Put Off Till Tomorrow?

Wanna Put Off Till Tomorrow?

All along, all our voices scream in unison when PROCRASTINATION pops up.  Even the habitual procrastinators will deny [to death] that they are procrastinators.  But not so fast though because there are advantages to it on certain conditions.  So seriously, do you Wanna put Off something till tomorrow?  Yes dude, there is a glimmer of hope for us NOT to loathe procrastinating but it's so crafted on specific assumptions so that doing it DOESN'T get stretched, ok?

What seems surprising though is that researches have shown it that there are benefits arising from PROCRASTINATION.  Not so fast though because there is a HUGE DIVIDE between chronic PROCRASTINATION versus that 'sweet spot' called moderate PROCRASTINATION.  Psychologist Adam Grant says that moderate PROCRASTINATION can help give our brain time to mull over a task or a problem and create that 'SPACE' for greater creativity and innovative ideas.  He further buttresses this theorem by vouching that that becomes the 'PRIMARY WORK ZONE' of innovators and even deep thinkers⏳⏳⏳

Whether or not we PROCRASTINATE may also be due to what kind of person we are, as well as what really motivates you.  And looking into our lives, there are basically two groups of people, namely, the TASK-DRIVEN and the DEADLINE-DRIVEN.  And frankly, either of these approaches is NOT bad or wrong.  While TASK-DRIVEN individuals would rather use their time to accomplish their goals in small bites, DEADLINE-driven people prefer to channel their stress to work under pressure as it helps them to put more focus📌📌📌

However, whether you are the DEADLINE-driven or not, if you end up as a chronic procrastinator, beating yourself only makes it harder to kick that [chronic] habit.  But where you can harness that ability to handle NEGATIVE emotions, that would help reduce your PROCRASTINATION as it worsens to be that chronic.  But rather than just shrugging off your shoulders and proclaiming that you are an innovator or a thinker, think about it.

So, whether the final verdict is do something NOW or SOMEDAY or WHENEVER, do seriously consider taking serious steps to curb PROCRASTINATION.  Find the very root cause of your anxiety for a particular task.  Address your limiting SELF-BELIEFS.  Reframe the project as something that is beneficial rather than something that measures your worth.  So, if you're putting off something till tomorrow, think about it📗📕📘