Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!

Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!

From our childhood into adulthood, we were taught and exposed to be NICE TO EVERYONE, which just makes sense.  No question about that BUT here's the BIG BUT.  You DON'T need to mentally and/or physically exhaust yourself to be NICE TO EVERYONE.  Nope, You CAN'T Be Nice To Everyone!  BUT please DON'T get me wrong.  We are NOT egging you to roam around being rude intentionally.  Instead, in life, it's all about setting the demarcation lines, the boundaries📗📙📘

The problem with one of the very first rules we learned in life, that of BEING NICE, is its over-generalization because there are certain times WHEN you DON'T have to be NICE and indeed SHOULDN'T.  This explains WHY it is imperative to give ourselves permission to 'BREAK THE RULE' when necessary.  Problem is, challenging the imperative to be NICE is a 'feminist' act because 'NICENESS' is so frequently gendered.  The old school taught us that girls are supposed to be made of 'sugar, spice and everything'.  This means the girls are expected to smile all the time , help others without expecting anything in return and avoid making people angry💦💦💦

Hey, since those AREN'T really the qualities of a leader, being too nice can hold us back in our careers.  Of course, KINDNESS is generally a good thing and we SHOULDN'T discourage it WHEN it's NOT harming anyone just because the majority DON'T manifest it.  BUT there are situations WHEN it could have negative effects, like we SHOULDN'T feel pressured to be NICE to others if that means sacrificing our own well-being💥💥💥

In fact, it's always OK to say NO to requests if and WHEN accommodating such request[s] may even strain you OR put someone else's wants above your own comfort level.  And sometimes, you do miss out an opportunity if you wait for everyone to have a fair shot.  It's OK to be competitive if that's WHAT it takes to get a promotion, a seat on the train, or something else that's in limited supply.  BTW, being NICE is different from being KIND and KINDNESS can require telling people things they DON'T want to hear in order to help them.  Oh YES, it's always OK to use WHATEVER means necessary to defend yourself or get yourself out of a dangerous OR risky situation💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Fact of the matter here is that we humans have a limited capacity to be NICE to everyone.  After some time, the energy wanes and derails, till we get exhausted.  Have you heard of narratives where the older sibling kept financially supporting a younger sibling WHO was like a 'parasite' to him.  Until one day, the older sibling realizes that 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH'.  Hey, we DON'T want to be unconditionally NICE to everyone at all times!@#$%?

When It's ALL FOR THE MARBLES!

When It's ALL FOR THE MARBLES!

Few years back, I got enamored with a literary piece which ran as follows:  LIFE IS LIKE A JAR OF MARBLES.  YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GET.  This is stating the obvious but dissecting it further, I told myself, one day, this will be my thread.  When It's ALL FOR THE MARBLES!  For so many reasons NOT so obvious, fact is, it's sheer common sense that regardless the fullness of that jar of marbles, as you dip, the level goes down📗📙📘

Now, let's NOT even entertain thoughts of calculating the number of marbles in a jar by dividing random guesses from a fixed number of people equals some kind of truth in most cases.  It's like chaos and order merging into the median of answers.  To tackle things more philosophically, let's envision reality as a jar of marbles, where each marble represents a hypothesis.  And let's assume that each of these hypotheses include all the crazy, outside-of-the-box ideas put forth by everyone from scientists to tin foil hats💦💦💦

YES, life is akin to that jar of marbles.  You always know WHAT you're gonna get.  The truth may be less dramatic, lacking edge and blame, BUT it's often the closest we'll come to reality.  Personally, I really DON'T take sides WHEN it comes to theories vis-a-vis conclusions.  Till to date, everything I have either read, heard and witnesses coalesces into a somewhat unremarkable, middle-of-the-road answer, incorporating a bit of this and a bit of that, from the extremes though💢💢💢

Frankly, I did approach my own life and my career in the same manner.  I would rely on my collected knowledge, wisdom and experience, running them through the calculator in my mind.  YES, quite often, the results would align with my forecasted results.  Many times over and over again, I can anticipate WHAT will fail, and WHAT will succeed, WHICH may make me somewhat predictable [and boring].  YES, occasionally I did take a chance and the outcome may OR may NOT align with my expectations.  Regardless, I added it to my reservoir of lessons learned💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  UNLESS warranted out of exigency, NEVER take the middle-of-the-road because WHILE it may NOT dump you by the wayside, it is far-fetched that you'll end up in the totem pole either,  Take every opportunity, every chance as the last gasp of things.  Instilling this mindset will put us at least a foot forward towards achieving WHAT you want to.  YES, WHEN IT'S ALL FOR THE MARBLES💥💥💥

[More Than Ever] LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

[More Than Ever] LISTEN TO YOURSELF!

WHY is it we spend donkey years of our life thinking that we are ON TRACK and YES, on paper, everything seems to be that picture perfect, well and neatly laid out execution of our plans.  NOT UNTIL one day you pull the brakes and realize that actually are NOT happy with the way things are running.  So, WHAT WENT WRONG, seriously?  Oh YES, there is a good chance that you NEVER learned HOW to listen to yourself [BUT unfortunately, you have mistaken that chatter in your head for the REAL YOU].  So, the mind-boggling question is:  HOW do we tell WHAT thoughts are the REAL YOU and WHAT thoughts are just WHAT you've been taught to think?  [More Than Ever] LISTEN TO YOURSELF📗📙📘

I'll admit that in the past, we NEVER thought that HOW to listen to oneself should be our talking point, NOT until we fall into that trap WHERE we seem to be neither here NOR there.  Rather than reinvent things, I perused recent researches by experts and they are one in declaring affirmatively that we should learn about VALUES and WHAT yours are.  YES, your VALUES are WHAT deeply matter to you. And if you DON'T know your true VALUES and are living out ones that AREN'T really a fit, you might constantly feel restless and even discontented.  This is NOT to paint a scary scenario💥💥💥

To identify your VALUES, look at your life and WHAT choices bring you undeniable joy and excitement.  And IF you think your VALUE in money, then WHY is it you hate your job as a financial planner BUT you love volunteering work instead?  So, is it possible your true VALUE is giving?  And if you AREN'T sure if a VALUE you think is yours, can we try to imagine a life spent living ONLY that VALUE.  And if you think your VALUE in power, imagine a life WHERE all you have to do is give commands by yourself everyday💦💦💦

Assuming you are NOT sure if a VALUE you think is yours is [really] truly yours, consider to dig out your core beliefs.  As your core beliefs are your viewpoints you have about life, psychologists opine that oftentimes, these beliefs stem from childhood and are passed on to you by your family.  They then would sound like things such as 'the world is a dangerous place' OR 'you CAN'T trust anyone'.  OR 'money is the root of all evil'.  These core beliefs will, however, run through unconscious and inform all of your decisions❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  Critics are all the place but you got to recognize your inner critic more than anything else.  Do watch out for a voice in your head that sounds like a parent telling you WHAT to do in a way that makes you feel resigned OR put down.  True, it's rarely your true self BUT instead, be your inner critic. Yes, it might sound off like it's your father OR mother being hard on you when growing up.  Bottom line, let us NOT miss that opportunity for us to 'police' our own selves because you are the best critic you deserve😁😁😁

Let People Be WHO They Are

Let People Be WHO They Are

Awhile ago, I was streaming the Netflix docu on Aaron Hernandez, the recognized NFL Patriots football player whose star just skyrocketed.  As much tragedy that docu ended, the human side of things showed us that he had a girlfriend and a daughter.  BUT apparently, that is NOT the end of the story because WHAT unfolded in the docu was his sexuality hitherto even his girlfriend was unaware of.  Indeed, Let People Be WHO They Are📗📙📘

Alas, the men he got entangled in those 'gay' relationships WEREN'T even aware at those times that they were in such relationships.  BUT in unison, they quipped, LET PEOPLE BE WHO THEY ARE'.  In life, we may have partners OR spouses BUT we will realize that he/she is different from me and you.  The way of dealing with things will be DIFFERENT.  The methods of handling and fixing an issue could different between two people💦💦💦

Like for a problem at hand, you OR me would prefer to immediately 'attack' and fix that problem.  Someone else could advise you OR me to take a walk for a while.  So, our ability to be true to ourselves and different from someone else WHILE still remaining connected creates a paradox, one that generates great freedom.  Many of us believe that to have connection with someone else, we have to be the same???  Unfortunately, this approach will limit us in relationships because each person is unique.  BUT we are NOT the same as anyone else, even if you were born twins.  Sadly, many relationship fights are about the struggle for each member of the couple to be themselves💧💧💧

Let's face it, in these struggles, we often look at the other person as the enemy [much as you WON'T admit it].  Many of the worst struggles take place WHEN we have similar longings BUT different methods OR approaches.  Let's run a reality check here.  WHEN we first meet someone we like, OR WHEN we fall in love, we are willing and able to let the other person be themselves.  YES we re curious about about the other person and we want to get to know him OR her.  We may see some limitations BUT at that point in time, we are willing to overlook them, because we see the appealing characteristics💥💥💥

Now, reality kicks in WHEN later in the relationship, we may become more critical of the other person's limitations.  We then see those flaws as seemingly harmful to us.  And while some characteristics really are harmful, I'm referring as to how we 'surrender' ourselves to the other person's limitations.  This then creates that unexpected conflict because we expect the other person to change to make us happy.  BUT that leads us 'OFF TRACK' because our takeaway is that we should LET PEOPLE BE WHO THEY ARE😃😃😃

Why VISION Tops Them All

Why VISION Tops Them All

Less often but still happening, we are sometimes asked:  WHY ARE WE HERE?  And... WHERE do we see ourselves in life?  YES, we are all here with a specific purpose BUT what helps us move and direct our purpose is our VISION.  So, Why VISION Tops Them All?  For multifarious reasons, VISION gives us direction and a glimpse over our life to make our goals and purpose come into fruition and become realities📗📙📘

With that VISION, we expect our purpose in life to be that crystal clear and expectedly, life becomes simpler and meaningful [as long as you stick to that VISION].  Indeed, it is important to have a VISION and purpose because it actually controls and makes our decisions, which ultimately creates our lifestyle💦💦💦

Do we know that VISION chooses our friends?  Heard of that cliche, TELL ME WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, I'LL TELL WHO YOU ARE.  Fact is, people are attracted and spend time with people WHO have VISION and WHO are disciplined in their VISION.  We normally DON'T hang or associate ourselves with people WHO DON'T know WHERE they are headed in life, at least NOT for too long because of the time that is being wasted.  And let us be honest that it is [quite] mentally draining and frustrating being around people WHO DON'T understand WHERE they want themselves to be OR HOW to get there.  And when I come across them first-hand, I commiserate with them💧💧💧

One of the greatest thing about VISION is, once you realize your VISION, you will slowly detach yourself from people WHO you can perceive as NOT fitting into your VISION and instead, you will align with people WHO do.  Truth is, no one will be able to fulfill one's PURPOSE alone because one's purpose is bigger than oneself at the moment and that is the intended purpose.  And the great thing about PURPOSE is, it will benefit and help you in your room to learn and grow in your PURPOSE and in your VISION as well✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  If there's one surprising consequence of VISION, it is the fact that VISION decides HOW we spend our time.  Those we spend our time are, generally, connected to our VISION.  IF our VISION is that important to us, the time we spend pursuing it will reflect it.  This principle is quite simple enough BUT since it is this simple, sometimes we tend to make it complicated.  In essence, your crystal-clear VISION can be your "TIME MANAGER", cajoling and reminding you NOT to waste your time on activities and people NOT aligned with your VISION.  This explains WHY VISION TOPS THEM ALL💥💥💥

NEVER Sprint A Marathon

NEVER Sprint A Marathon

Up front, I have to apologize because to say "NEVER Sprint A Marathon" is to borrow one of the most-quoted one-liners.  Drake sings it, Dr Phil claims to have invented it, and in almost every company event, it gets preached.  Oh yes, you could have said it before [I did it few times] OR someone has used it on you.  Having said that, please allow me to say it again:  NEVER Sprint A Marathon📗📙📘

Yes I'm guilty of seemingly over-using this one-liner through the years and from a surface-level understanding, the sprint and marathon distances do vary in length and obviously, the marathon significantly takes more time than a sprint.  And that's exactly what life is all about.  As much as marathons are really damn hard, our 'marathon in life' is a mental rollercoaster that echoes HOW I felt WHEN I was about to start a daunting [sometimes a high-profile] project💦💦💦

With life being a marathon, this poster is 'spot on'. SPEED is NOT even a top criterion because what is expected from us is endurance, NOT speed.  Once you are into that marathon in life, you can sometimes feel unstoppable for miles and miles, and then, out of the blue, your legs could just get stalled and stop.  And at some points, you could be cruising and there will be moments in life WHEN you wanted to pull yourself out of that marathon. WHEN you do complete a particular marathon, you would realize that you did cross the FINISH LINE but at the back of your mind, you're evaluating WHAT you could have done differently.  And that's WHEN a post-mortem is a must-do✅✅✅

BUT even after you have successfully completed one particular 'marathon in life', you would learn quickly that the actual race was only a very small part of the entire process.  A must-do before we embark in any 'marathon in life' is crafting a PLAN.  Thing is, a PLAN ISN'T always the answer for everything in life BUT having a roadmap and setting stretch goals always helped me in the past to gain clarity when mapping things out😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  Throughout your 'marathon journey', you would be gasping for air, energy and sometimes you would stumble and that's fine BUT learning HOW to get out of these LOWs in everyday life is critical.  BUT here's a glimmer of hope.  Those LOW periods WON'T last forever.  Recovery is just important and more importantly lest we forget, the 'marathons in life' are NEVER easy, NOT a walk in the park either💥💥💥

Are You Following The Crowd?

 Are You Following The Crowd?

It's so damn hard to stand out from the CROWD right now BUT understanding WHY will and should help us be our own boss.  Question now, Are You Following The Crowd?  Anyone here WHO used to go to school wearing the same sneakers as his/her friends?  OR those school days WHEN we brought to school our packed meal.  And WHEN one person brings a certain food, it catches on, and suddenly everyone is bringing it.  Sounds familiar???

Psychologists have long studied HOW being part of a group, WHETHER that's your closest crew OR a crowd of strangers, influences your behavior.  Psychologists term these scenarios as that HERD MENTALITY.  And WHILE the way it guides your preferences for shoes and snacks may be harmless, understanding its roll in big decisions can be lifesaving📗📙📘

WHY?  Because a body of research shows that teens take more dangerous risks, like driving recklessly, trying drugs, WHEN they're part of a group.  We have to admit that through the years, it seems we have been conditioned to think of PEER PRESSURE as taunting, like "DO IT!' or 'YOU'RE A LOSER IF YOU DON'T'.  BUT psychologists warn us that the most dangerous kind of PEER PRESSURE is the influence you DON'T really notice.  Psychologists highlight PRIMAL INSTINCTS wherein humans are social animals and much like sheep, we are driven to travel in packs😌😌😌

To do a lookup with our history, apparently in ancient times, being part of the group gave us that 'EVOLUTIONARY ADVANTAGE', that is, if you're a straggler, you might NOT survive the onslaught of an enemy's attack.  Substitute it to a clique of mean upperclassmen in the cafeteria for giant cave lions in the wild, and you will get that idea, surely.  It's still safer, even in our present day, civilized society, to surround yourself with serious backup.  BUT things DON'T stop there though.  As a teen, we have to admit that we were susceptible [I'll rather call it VULNERABLE] to that HERD MENTALITY.  From an expert's perspective, the section of our brain involved in decision-making is still developing WHILE the part linked to social activity is 'super active'💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  A bit perplexing about PEER PRESSURE because we can defend it and say, like, NO ONE IS PRESSURING, which is almost always true BUT the thing is, when everyone's just doing it because everyone else is.  And I have NOT doubt that if the majority of people WEREN'T drinking, that WOULD catch on too.  WHICH brings me to an important self-test:  If you're feeling a strong drive to copy the crowd at a party, pause for five seconds, step outside, run to the bathroom, whatever, and get in touch with your inner instincts.  WOULD you still be doing this if NO one else was?  Thing is, much as it makes sense to follow our inner instincts, we are NOT handicapped to stand out in the crowd if need to, standing for WHAT we personally advocate and NOT because of the crowd💥💥💥

Scams Are 'ALIVE & KICKING'!!!

Scams Are 'ALIVE & KICKING'!!!

SCAMS as a thread may seem worn out OR too stretched.  BUT Scams Are 'ALIVE & KICKING'!!!  While most people are aware of SCAMS targeting their personal detail, banking information, OR even cash, some believe they are too knowledgeable to fall victim to SCAMMERS, be it through email, SMS or phone calls.  Increasingly, however, SCAMMING methods evolving.  And these days, SCAMS can leverage artificial intelligence, deepfakes, and the ever-changing digital landscape📗📙📘

Even people as savvy as financial advisors and techies have recently admitted to being tricked into handling over tens of thousands of monies to someone pretending to be someone [to WHOM they will smoothly fall prey to].  BUT you might challenge me like, SCAMS ARE NOTHING NEW and you are correct.  Thing is, different types of fraud and tricks have been used by unscrupulous people for thousands of years.  In this modern era, however, the anonymity of the internet allows SCAMMERS to distance themselves emotionally from their victims, and it's become much easier for them to perform their tactics with success💧💧💧

Allow me to share first-hand SCAMS which I personally experienced.  Last month, I received a phone call from a mobile number NOT in my phonebook, which call I consciously accepted.  And at the other end of the line was a sweet-talking lady [YESSSS, they will choose the best audio to lure especially men!@#$%?] WHO first asked to confirm my full name which I confirmed and then she moved on to her spiel💥💥💥

She then asked me to confirm if I was the account holder of a specific account from one of my bankers, to WHICH, I confirmed. Next thing was, she was asking me to go to my bank branch for reconfirmation of my account.  That confirmed my doubts because through the years, I was NEVER required by any banker to personally go to my bank branch to renew OR reconfirm the validity of my account.  You might ask, HOW can I get scammed if I said to the caller that YES I'LL GO to my bank branch.  To me, that's just her 'OPENING LINE'  Once I acquiesce to her INVITE, surely the next thing is, she will lure me into something that will push at least one of my feet out into the frying pan, ready for her SCAM tactic❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Be super-duper wary of SPOOFING.  Just last week, I was driving, I received an SMS from a sender reflecting the valid and correct name.  The SMS advised me that my rewards amounting to 3,501 was about to expire "TOMORROW".  First thing I did, I called my telco provider and I asked them to reconfirm that SMS.  Alas, they admitted that their SMS Server was 'SPOOFED' which they're currently investigating.  Lesson here, DON'T take things at face value.  Call your banker, service provider and BY DEFAULT, every unsolicited message should be diligently scrutinized.  SCAMS ARE ALIVE & KICKING dude!!!

Reinvent Our Self? WHY NOT?

Reinvent Our Self?  WHY NOT?

The old cliche tells us:  WHY FIX THE CAR IF AIN'T BROKE.  Very very true.  BUT I'll play devil's advocate here.  If we take that cliche literally, that's very true, if the car is running smoothly, DON'T even tinker with it.  BUT IF we step out of that car stuff, IF we talk about life, just because you're eating your three meals just CAN'T justify that you keep and retain the status quo.  In fact, the question is WHY settle for the status quo?   Reinvent Our Self?  WHY NOT???

Let's face it, in life's journey, there comes a time WHEN the path we're on may NO longer serve us, prompting a deep, internal call for CHANGE.  And REINVENTING yourself is an empowering process of transformation that allows you to align your life with your true desires, passions and values.  WHETHER you're at the crossroads seeking a new direction WHEN you breach mid-life OR simply wishing to improve on, REINVENTION is a courageous step towards living a life that truly reflects WHO you are OR aspire to be💧💧💧

You might ask, WHAT is it for us to REINVENT our own self?  YES, you might feel the call to REINVENT yourself at various points in your life, maybe after a significant life event, WHEN you've achieved a major goal and are unsure WHAT comes next.  Way back, that exactly was my situation.  I was an I.T. Manager then of one Fortune 500 company to another.  So, I asked myself, is this fine when my career seemed to have plateaued?  Of course, I said NO, NOT acceptable❎❎❎

So, WHEN I hit that crossroad in my career, I kicked myself hard from behind and challenged myself that I was NOT that person built to laterally hop-in and hop-out [akin to those Hop-in Hop-out tourist buses].  I told myself, I deserve more than this.  And I did remind myself that I am capable and equipped with skills going alongside that breadth and depth of work experience, enough to propel me to loftier goals, to greater heights [although the catch is, I needed to reinvest all my time, effort + focus all over again❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  Allow me to grab this quote from this poster.  YOU'RE NEVER OLD TO REINVENT YOURSELF.  Yes, REINVENTING yourself involves a comprehensive CHANGE in your life.  And that may impact your personal life, career OR both.  It's about making significant alterations to your lifestyle, habits OR outlook on life to align more closely with your values, dreams and goals OR even your outlook on life to align more closely with your values, dreams and goals.  WHEN do you REINVENT yourself?  I'll throw that question back to you because you got to grapple with an informed decision, very much part of your judgment call💥💥💥

When You Need A JOLT In Life

When You Need A JOLT In Life

All year-round, we have tons and tons of reasons [a.k.a. excuses] NOT forging and moving forward with a plan [that was cooked up much earlier].  Beef that up with birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations, you have the perfect recipe to slow down and sometimes pull the brakes.  BUT at some point, we would realize that our in-transit pauses need to be unlocked because we got to buckle up, kick our ass hard and grind hard like 'DAWGS' from the kernel.  So, When You Need A JOLT In Life📗📙📘

BUT again, sometimes, life rushes us.  There's barely enough time to fit all of WHAT we need to do in.  And invariably, something suffers.  WHILE  there's a long term fix required on WHETHER we should continue being rushed, life is NOT about that.  Instead, WHEN we get rushed, WHAT suffers is our health, period.  And YES, all of us know WHAT to do.  And if you think you are being held back because you DON'T know WHERE to start, that's NOT true at all💧💧💧

YES we know the obvious ones.  Sleep well.  Exercise daily.  Eat more veggies [and LESS junk].  YES we all these.  WHAT happens is we let ourselves be swept up by life and its events.  We then end up eating WHATEVER is convenient, WHATEVER is quick, and WHEN our brains are frazzled by one too many decisions.  This means we would end up in poor choices instead of eating the high-quality food our body needs💥💥💥

YES, lacking the time even for the most modest daily exercise could be another side-effect of being 'TOO BUSY'.  Crippled by choice OVER WHAT to do, with all the nonsensical options out there that promise random things.  WHAT happens next?  Suddenly we will find ourselves unfit.  EXCEPT that it obviously was NOT sudden.  BUT it is sudden because one day WHEN the fog clears up, then that's the only time we will wake up from our deep slumber, waking up and realizing things quite late in the day😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  We should NOT even reach that point WHEN we need to be JOLTED.  Way long prior to that need for that jolt, there should be more than sufficient tell-tale signs of things to come.  Symptoms OR any behavioral sign should point us towards a 'dark alley' that is getting narrower and darker of course.  And that should be enough to trigger us momentarily slow down, pull the brakes and if necessary do a reboot OR a reset.  WHY go to that extent of needing a JOLT IN OUR LIFE?  We DON'T need that dude❗❗❗