When Is Something NICE May NOT Be That NICE?

 

When Is Something NICE May NOT Be That NICE?  WHICH reminds me of a travel blog we read recently WHERE the HOT topic was Japan.  And we admit that although I had prior travels to Japan, they were all business trips so there's that stark difference if you're on a holiday with your family WHICH we did had it spanning two weeks last year.  And even as we speak now, we WON'T stop blurting out all the positive words about Japan.  BUT recently, I came across insightful sharings from expats WHO have lived in Japan for the longest time, an American WHO's been living there for 18 years and an Indian WHO's been there for 20+ years.  Without mincing words, they blurted that Japan is a NICE place if you're a tourist😡😡😡 

Well said BUT out of respect to the sensitivities, I WON'T delve much as to WHY those two expats in Japan have that kind of insight.  Having said that, I realized that being NICE works well with strangers.  BUT beyond strangers, we are more after the long haul, the long term.  I remember an academician WHO had a PhD student WHO was smart in all the researches BUT was struggling in his comms skills, so he gave the student that frank feedback.  This is a sampling where he was NOT NICE BUT he was kind enough to share him his honest feedback💥💥💥

True, most of us want a NICE romantic partner because a NICE person is expected to be considerable and generally agreeable.  So, WHAT'S NOT LIKE? And indeed, NICENESS in a partner can be that appealing at first, limiting friction and making them easy to be around.  BUT some of that positive behavior comes at a cost of more desirable attributes like genuine kindness OR authenticity, both of WHICH may sometimes struggle to coexist within someone WHO's always busy placing NICE💚💛💜

If at all, experts counsel us to be wary of tell-tale signs that may lead to a potential RED FLAG down the road:

• Trying to CHEER YOU UP - YES it's one thing for someone to care about your well-being and another to have them monitor your mood instantly.  And YES it can be stifling and quite exhausting to feel AS IF a partner always has their finger on the pulse of your emotions
• AVOIDING Conflict - Disagreements and conflicts are difficult so we may appreciate if a partner avoids it BUT just as crops need sunshine and rain, constructive conflict is essential in a health relationship

Our takeaway:  Much as we like NICENESS, the truth is, we'll get more out of our relationships with a 'WHOLE' human being WHO has passions that AREN'T centered to me OR to you.  They can still love you fiercely and also find deep meaning in things that have NOTHING to do with you.  OH YES, with a too-NICE partner, that NICENESS comes at the expense of honesty and let's face it, an honest partner is and will always be our best long-term bet in life as they WON'T shade the truth in ways that make today easy at tomorrow's expense.  Instead, they're willing to be FULLY themselves and want you to be exactly WHO YOU ARE.  That's WHEN SOMETHING NICE MAY NOT BE THAT NICE at all dude😡😡😡

How's Our SELF-IMPROVEMENTS?

 

Does SELF-IMPROVEMENT [still] have a slot in our queue?  Hoping so.  Because per se, I would admit that SELF-IMPROVEMENT [inside out] sounds boring to even spend a second.  WHAT are the ramifications then?  Even without us becoming aware of, many of us unconsiously experience regressing in their respective performances, be it work, in school or even in managing their day-to-day lives.  That explains as to WHY SELF-IMPROVEMENT is hardly a thread to spend time on.  BUT despite the frenetic pace of our daily lives, can we do a PULSE CHECK NOW???

Key challenge in tackling SELF-IMPROVEMENT is that we got to set goals and I'll be the first one to agree that setting goals, anything from getting a university degree OR landing a new job to achieve that next level of our career, is a huge and big step towards SELF-IMPROVEMENT.  BUT following through to achieve WHAT you set out to accomplish can indeed be challenging, especially on those days WHEN motivation seems to be waning.  SO HOW?  HOW can we follow through on the goals we set and reaffirm + reinforce our commitments to it [especially during those days WHEN you DON'T feel doing it]?  True, for whatever factors, everyone of us may lose our motivation, from time to time❎❎❎

Allow me to share HOW I managed to [barely] handle those times WHEN my motivation waned:

• I wrote my goals on paper [yesirrrreeee, I do tap on our smart phone's Notepad as well.
• I intentionally make it a habit to work on my goals.
• I plan and aim for IMPERFECTION [even if frankly, I want every action I perform to be as perfect it can be]
• I 'drilled and dice' so that I got small goals enough to build up the momentum I need to gain.

• Track/monitor your progress consistently
• Embrace those 'peer pressures' around
• Reward yourself NOT just for BIG WINs
• Do some 'mood lifting' [when it's gloomy]
• Practice gratitude.  That really pays off
• Remember your "WHY".  WHY are you doing this and that for you

Our takeaway:  SELF-MOTIVATION seems so easy to come.  WHEN we're offered incentives [call it CARROTs], our MOTIVATION spikes.  WHEN we get promoted to a new job role, MOTIVATION becomes 'matic'.  BUT those are fleeting moments only.  The need to sustain and carry on with your SELF-IMPROVEMENT initiatives has to be consistently reinforced, RAIN or SHINE dude😂😂😂

Do We Need A 'MENTAL SHIFT'?

 

Do we need a MENTAL SHIFT? OR put it this way, WHEN do we need a MENTAL SHIFT?  BUT before we delve into it, let's have a quick alignment.  MENTAL SHIFT is typically understood as that significant change in HOW we, as an individual, perceives the world, approaches challenges and embraces opportunities.  It involves NOT just adopting new ideas BUT also even rewiring our own perspectives [WHICH sometimes can swing like a pendulum from one end to the other extreme end].  And it involves NOT just adopting new ideas, BUT also even 'unlearning' beliefs that seem to be outdated and instead, embracing the future with unqualified curiosity and openess📗📙📘

Our common problem is that we as humans are so heavily conditioned to favor outcomes over process.  WHEN we prepare for a competition, it's all about the ultimate plum, the prize, the reward at the end of it.  And WHEN we get involved in a pursuit OR project, it's all about its successful implementation.  Whew, been there gazillion times, CAN'T deny it.  WHEN we work hard, it's all about getting that promotion.  BUT here's the thing.  The outcome is just a small fraction of the time we spend on completing the task!!!

NOT surprisingly, researches show that about 95% OR more of the time, we seem to be engaged in the process of getting OR achieving that outcome we are so focused and obsessed.  True, in the business world, this is all that matters.  BUT these same researches tell us that having an OUTCOME-focused mindset in our personal lives can have a NEGATIVE effect on our well-being.  And WHEN we subconsciously focus on the end result, we might likely sacrifice the pleasure we could have enjoyed along the way because we tend to focus only on those fleeting moments of achievement right at the end📌📌📌

NOW, the challenge is for us to shift our focus.  IF we shift our mindset to focus on the process, rather than just the achievement itself, we can find enjoyment in almost many of our everyday activities.  Experts tell us that a process-focus is more applicable than WHAT we might expect for our daily routine.  LIKE driving in traffic.  The outcome is for us to get to our destination.  And it's easy to see HOW an outcome focus here can eventually lead to frustrations due to delays [and God knows, road rages happen in traffic gridlock WHEN almost everyone's patience gets pushed to the limits💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  The key here is for us to be able to recognize WHEN a process of an outcome focus is more appropriate.  LIKE if we have deadlines to meet, let's keep an open mind.  LIKE if you're planning to have lunch with a friend, let us focus on the process because by switching between focuses depending on the situation, experts are telling us that by doing so, we can make the most of every moment.  So, let's not shy off if that 'MENTAL SHIFT' will be worth it after all😄😄😄

How Is It LIVING YOUR LIFE?

 

WHO says that LIVING YOUR LIFE is a no-brainer?  Many people share that same mindset and you know WHAT?  WHERE are they now?  They're in the doldrums.  Many would wake up sluggish almost every morning [except if there's an upcoming thing that excites them] and then have their caffeinated beverages as their constant necessity to help them power through the day?  Imagine if you'll struggle right from the firing line right at the first hour of the day???

If this sounds familiar, YES dude, it's high time to ditch those quick fixes, those palliatives you've been relying on and dependent to.  True, getting started [especially after waking up] may sometimes seem daunting [till now, I do have my fair share of it BUT I'll consider them as outliers] BUT you got to realize that eventually, sooner you will be energized to keep going once you recap the benefits of being healthier, happier and more productive💚💛💜

If there's a magic word I learnt through the years, it's ENERGY MANAGEMENT dude.  Let's recraft our mindset such that we'll try to think of our energy as that limited and finite resource [unlike those bottomless pit we wrongly think of] just like money in our bank account.  Regardless of your high-octane running bank account balance now, if you keep depleting it everyday, before you know it, you would have ran kaput, empty, nada, nil, keiner.  Problem is, WHEN our balance is running high, WHO CARES???

BUT here's the uniqueness that separates each of us.  At any point in time, we have differing balances of our 'bank accounts'.  That's WHERE I draw the analogy with regard our respective energies.  Activities and interactions would mean withdrawing energy from OR deposit energy into your bank account.  And WHILE you may NOT always have control over activities that deplete such energy, YES you can take steps to deposit more energy into your account.  SO HOW?  Allow me to mimic WHAT our health gurus keep preaching.  EAT NOURISHING FOOD.  I'm a late comer to this advocacy BUT yes, I have embraced this by now.  Having a well-balanced and healthy diet is at the very core of our well-being.  BUT it's common to regard healthy eating primarily as a tool for weight loss.  Quoting a recent research by the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, a balanced diet high in fruits and vegetables, lean protein, low fat dairy and whole grains are MUST HAVEs✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  The toughest act to replicate is pushing ourselves damn hard to CHANGE.  BUT in the past, WHEN I became aware that some quarters OR circumstances were either hemorrhaging OR sabotaging my deep reservoir of energy, rather than be tempted to tackle them all in one go [because likely that will be an exercise in futility], I would choose a very small opening, a very slight opening of an opportunity that I deem important to me and then, I would set modest BUT realistic goals to achieve within the near-term.  From thereon, I planned and prioritize in a rational and reinforced manner, sustaining small gains until at one point, I would realize my life is on an upward trajectory again, LIVING LIFE indeed at my own pace, on my own terms dude😃😃😃

FACT CHECK: Vishing Is Onboarded!@#$%?

 

FACT CHECK:  VISHING IS ONBOARDED!@#$%? Just for the past 30 days, my 24x7 phone has received more than 10 VISHING threats, whew!  Before I get misconstrued, our thread today is and should NOT be tagged as a threat OR scare to our readership.  Instead, my modest intention is to share the most urgent stuff whose relevance cuts across countries, cultures OR even callings.  BUT WHILE this is our very latest faceless nemesis to pop-out, it's NOT too late to be alerted

Just to share highlights from CROWDSTRIKE:

• 442% growth of VISHING from 2023
• 79% of detections were malware-free
• 52% of vulnerabilities were related to initial successes in the past
• 30% increased VISHING in 2025

For alignment, VISHING [a,k.a. voice phising] is a type of phishing attack were scammers use phone calls to trick individuals into revealing personal information, such as passwords OR credit card numbers by pretending to be a legitimate caller, normally from your depository bank or credit card issuer.  True, this type of scam can be executed by real humans OR via pre-recorded robocalls.  And from my observation post, they're damn smarter

WHILE most of these scammers [a.k.a. criminals] leading this type of attack aim to pressure their victims on a live phone call, sometimes they would leave voice messages to increase their credibility, thereby increasing their chances of success.  Very true, these scammers WHO use VISHING attacks commonly pretend to be respected institutions and they will use psychological techniques to simulate urgency.  In one of the most recent VISHING attempts I had, this past month, the caller new that my new credit card was recently delivered, whew!  And initially, I believed the caller NOT until he concocted a script that apparently, I received the incorrect version of the credit card.  SERIOUSLY???

Our takeaway:  You may consider my default one-liner WHEN an unknown number calls me:  PLEASE CALL ME VIA THE BANK'S LEGITIMATE LANDLINE, period  [HOW I'd do it, IF EVER I'll receive a landline call, I'd alert my RM [Relationship Manager]  and sometimes, concurrently, even the bank officers who support me.  Once I blurt that out, the caller gives up and simply evaporates in thin air.  On the other hand, if my phone rings and I DON'T hear any voice at the other end of the line, I would hang up the call within one second.  YES dude, VISHING IS NOW ONBOARDED, whether we fear it OR NOT!@#$%?

CAPTCHA: The Latest Gateway To MALWAREs

 

This is NOT an Armageddon-like alert BUT let's NOT be complacent because if things turn from BAD to WORSE, we might be threading towards that path of the worst case scenarios in cybersecurity.  Recently, almost all tech labs of cybersecurity experts observed a confirmed pattern of worsening 'INFECTION CHAINS' where fake CAPTCHA pages are being leveraged to distribute malware which can then lead to steal passwords from a device❎❎❎

In the simplest layman's terms, this latest malware is distributed through those fake CAPTCHAs with instructions and clicking the "I'M NOT A ROBOT" button copies a PowerShell script to the clipboard and displays so-called 'verification steps' including:

• PRESS Win + R
• PRESS CTRL + V 
• PRESS ENTER [this executes the code!]

SO HOW?  To protect ourselves from that Lumma Stealer and other malware threats, be Xtra cautious of those suspicious CAPTCHA pages and if you encounter a CAPTCHA page that seems out of place OR unusual, it is best to avoid interacting with it.  KEY REMINDERS here:

• Legit CAPTCHA pages are found on websites that require user verification such as login or account creation
• Be cautious of CAPTCHA pages that appear on unexpected websites OR applications [WHICH you never expected]
• Always check the website's URL for its legitimacy
• Keep your operating system and software updated with patch vulnerabilities that could be exploited by malwares

Proactive and preemptive measures WHICH cybersecurity experts advise are as follows:

• AVOID websites that present fake CAPTCHA challenges indefinitely
• WHEN in doubt, halt and stop!
• WHEN CAPTCHA pops-up even when you are NOT logging in OR creating a new account, that's a BIG RED FLAG

Our takeaway:  These days, it seems the norm and the prevailing [default] standard is to be quick and swift in CLICKING and CLICKING, especially with ultra fast processors which enables the lightning quickness of mobile applications.  WHAT is way beyond our naked eyes is that the 'BOT DETECTION' business is huge, AS IN huge with no less than Google 's reCAPTCHA service offering website owners a trade LIKE let Google track your users and in exchange, they promise to stop bots and spams.  To date, the hundreds of millions of daily solves should be more enough to awaken even the cynics WHEN it comes to these CAPTCHA malwares😡😡😡😡

When Burnout Creeps....

 

Anyone breaching that BURNOUT threshold?  Contrary to widespread misconceptions with regard BURNOUT, it hits us NOT ONLY after the passing of many years and even decades.  It can hit us even in a few days, worst in a day OR two.  So, it helps if we're familiar with those tell-tale signs of BURNOUT so we can 'nip things in the bud' before it becomes a legitimate issue, WHICH by then, may be too late to rectify📗📙📘

The worst thing about that misconception that seems to be prevailing is that BURNOUT is pegged to 'X' number of years and even decades.  NO sirrrrs.  It can pop up and hit us in a few days.  LIKE if you got onboarded in your new job, and here you go, a long list of onboarding tasks, tons of compliance courses to take and to complicate matters, the one hosting the KT [knowledge transfer] will be leaving the organization in a few days or so💥💥💥

WHAT could happen next to that new joiner?  It's a 5-letter word spelled S-T-R-E-S-S.  When pressure builds up [for whatever reason], that could even hasten that scary BURNOUT thing.  But more than just circumstancial variables, BURNOUT can be triggered from within us.  LIKE WHEN we start to become cynical of things until we get detached.  LIKE WHEN even our poor sleeping habit is taking its toll on us😡😡😡

Ironically, if we're leading and living an UNHEALTHY life, it could cycle back from an EFFECT to a CAUSE itself.  WHY?  Because BURNOUT DOESN'T just wreck our mood but hold on, it messes with our body.  And we're talking here of physical exhaustion and ailments like tension headaches, gut issues and even a weakening immunity.  Then, even our nervous system gets stuck either in a FIGHT or FLIGHT mode.  THEN we get tired, wired and wondering WHY we're getting sick so often!@#$%?

Our takeaway:  NOT to scare anyone BUT BURNOUT can be a 'double-whammy', BURNOUT at work, BURNOUT at home.  And if you're fighting two fronts in one go, frankly, you could be DEAD IN THE WATER earlier than you would have anticipated.  WHY?  History tells us that it is nearly impossible to fight two wars, two fronts all in one go.  So, should we wait and act only WHEN BURNOUT CREEPS???

Keep It Small & Simple [KISS]

 

Dream BIG and Dream BIGGER!  YESirrrrrrrrrrrrs that's the best motto in life we can scream to the max BUT for now, can we ensure both our feet firmly touch the ground?  Many studies showed that there are one too many frustrated folks [count me IN [way back]], no thanks to the super BIG BIGGER dreams they set for themselves to achieve.  Have you tried jumping as high as you could and if your landing is 'OFF', it will hurt you big time💚💛💜

YES dude, this is NO wish list.  In fact, this is a TO-DO List WHICH we can roll out instantly, as early as now, pronto:

• Once you hit the sack, can you just turn off your smartphone [unless of course you've got a 24x7 On-call job OR you're into an emergency situation]
• If you're a smoker, pick a day to smoke fewer sticks
• If alcohol is part of you, pick a day to go alcohol-free
• WHEN you wake up, try putting a smile on your face
• Adopt that 'ONE-minute Rule':  If there's a task we can do in less than a minute, JUST DO IT dude, even if that's answering an email for a minute

YES dude, we can go on and on, there's a mile-long list of SMALL & SIMPLE CHANGES in life we can pursue with the least efforts and with no-frills in fact.  Doing SMALL things can really be 'game changers' in our life.  These 'SMALL' things are simple, everyday habits WHICH, WHEN practised consistently, can significantly reduce stress and anxiety.  True, everyone today do suffer from stress and anxiety.  I have had my fair share of it.  Maybe you are NOT one of them BUT you may know someone WHO is!!!

Allow me to share one SUPER TINY WHINY SMALL CHANGE I recently did, almost effortlessly.  That's UNSUBSCRIBING from contentso of portals and websites.  A month ago, I realized my email inbox was never tapering off.  In FACT, even if I kept cleaning up my mails, my total unread mails were about to breach 10,000.  UNTIL recently WHEN I decided to UNSUBSCRIBE, albeit in a tedious, manual manner💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  As we live in a world of noise from cards, audios, buses, traffic, machines and chats of people all over the place, our minds are always tasked to be coping with lots of noise.  BUT experts tell us that we are NOT built for that situation BUT instead learn to live with it.  BUT at WHAT cost?  We start to even lose ourselves and then become prone to listening those noises.  So WHAT's the advised SMALL CHANGE for this?  Try sitting silently for 10 to 15 minutes daily and have that routine with the least disturbance for us to LIVE IN THE MOMENT.  Yes dude, there are one too many SMALL & SIMPLE CHANGES we can consider.  WHO knows we can hit paydirt even from SMALL & SIMPLE CHANGES😀😀😀

It's WHO You Are [And NOT What You Want]

 

Want accolades?  Then excel!  Want greatness? Then be great!  True, we all want something.  Success.  Love.  Peace.  Freedom.  Financials.  Name it.  Everyone of us have been chasing these things with all the energy we can muster.  Very laudable WHEN we write our goals, and even create vision boards, and speak our affirmations, OR even read the tons and tons of e-books, OR listen to those insightful TedTalks OR the popular podcasts.  GUESS WHAT happens next after all those?  Nada.  Nil.  Nichts.  And here's the paradox.  We are all entitled to want something with all our heart alongside our obsession and paradoxically, you can repel the same thing you've been chasing.  So, WHERE's the gaping hole there?  Hmmmp, allow me to quote this popular one-liner:  Life does NOT respond to WHAT we say you want BUT it still does respond and that's to WHAT YOU ARE💚💛💜

As one poem passage goes, WANTING IS PASSIVE whereas embodiment is active.  I did hear narratives wherein he repeated those affirmations every morning.  Greek Philosopher Aristotle was widely quoted:  THE VIRTUES ARE FORMED IN MAN BY HIS DOING HIS ACTIONS .  In layman's terms, a short time does NOT does NOT make us blessed❎❎❎

Across the numerous forked roads we would stumble across, much as we are focused towards our goal and our eventual destination. some of us would sometimes manifest skewed perspective about life.  THAT I'll cross the bridge WHEN I get there.  THAT with the goals we set to achieve, we tend to [sometimes wrongly] believe that we are that entitled to stand atop an exalted spot, way above the pack.  BUT embracing that eskewed mindset will, one day, push back other waylaid souls to the ground.  I CAN attest that by building up and investing on yourself, outcomes and results matter [and NOT our lofty goals because the harsh reality is that UNTIL and UNLESS you achieve those outcomes and results, everything still sums up to zero❎❎❎

Bottom line here is that WHAT matters most is the importance of of our inherent personality, our character and our values over those external factors like appearances or even those pricey or priceless possessions.  WHAT this means is that our true worth is found in being true to our own self and constantly developing our inner qualities.  Accepting WHO you are is at the very core of everything here.  And that includes accepting WHO you are.  And in a poetic manner, our identity resembles our shadows.  It changes its shape and it evolves.  BUT that's still ours.  Typically, WHEN we ask 'WHO ARE YOU?', the typical replies are his name and occupation.  BUT our own identity has multiple layers, some more superficial than others.  WHO you are is more than just your job OR gender.  And psychologists define our personal identity as that 'idosyncratic thing' that makes a person unique💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  These complex circumstances can't even get simplified with the quantum leap of social media and technology in our life.  And that social influence is like our very own shadow where it's always there though we DON'T notice it.  Few people choose their identities.  Instead, they simply internalize their family stories, the beliefs of their parents OR even the dominant culture WHICH shaped them up.  Truth is, we are both our personal traits and social influences rolled into one and WHAT stands out is WHO WE ARE [and NOT WHAT we want]😢😢😢

If Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade!

 

Only a handful out of everyone is born either as a genius OR as a gifted artist OR a scion of the moguls.  On the same breadth, some are born with the potentials to be intellectually upright WHEREAS some are skilled enough like the blue-collar workers and handyman WHO can fix the wear and tear of various house accessories.  Oh YES, even at the workplace, let's be fair and realistic.  Not everyone can be tagged as part of the 'cream of the crop' OR a high flyer at that.  BUT you might throw back a challenge on me and ask, WHAT do we do with the cellar-dwellers, those WHO are on the lower-rung of the rat race we are all in?  Just like in those competitive sports, the lower performers are NOT disqualified OR made ineligible.  Instead, we all observe a level playing field and IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE [out of it]!!!

Thing is, we can train our minds to always look at the things we do have, our blessings, our gifts and our abilities to make the most of our life.  True, everyone has a different idea of purpose and fulfillment.  Some would attach and peg it to their personal achievements, some to being well-rounded parents OR individuals and some even to their romantic relationships.  A lot of us also measure our milestones in terms of the miles and distance we have reached in our creative pursuits.  Then, there is the other type, those WHO belong to moments, NOT milestones❎❎❎

YES, I guess we can reach a common ground here if I opine that we can say there is NO right OR wrong WAY to approaching life and WHATEVER keeps us motivated to take every day in our stride is quite good enough.  YES indeed, we are all chasing something that may seem elusive WHICH we think will make us happier, better, richer, and so on.  That is the very act of living life, for us to keep going NO matter WHAT.  YET, somehow sometimes, we refrain OR procrastinate from taking the next step💥💥💥

In the end, many times we tend to end up focusing on the resources we do NOT have at our disposal [and that's regrettable].  A typical scenario here is we find our own self in a job that we DON'T really particularly enjoy BUT you just CAN'T leave it for pecuniary considerations OR otherwise.  So, the question is, do we just plunge into hopelessness around your career?  Of course NO.  You find the little things in the job that you can agree with and start from there😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  HAPPINESS itself is really NOT that elusive.  It could be just a phone call to your mom OR dad away.  Truly, before plunging into WHAT you do NOT have, we got to learn to see the world we have created in all its glory and access the best of it.  And gratitude is a powerful virtue to have, especially WHEN we want to steer our mind and heart towards positivity.   YES dude, IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE out of it and be happy enough💚💛💜