UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, Really?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, Really?

The idea of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is a noble one.  It's so ideal such that everyone is enamored to it.  We want to be LOVED as we are, and perhaps we'd like to see ourselves as capable of SELFLESS LOVE.  Unfortunately, loving UNCONDITIONALLY may set us up for huge disappointments and worse, sometimes shame WHEN our ideal DOESN'T seem to match the reality of HOW difficult or perhaps impossible, it is to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY.  Let's start with children WHO need to be LOVED without conditions.  And as they struggle through life, we need to be unendingly patient, probably taking many deep breaths and offering guidance repeatedly.  Embodying a consistently loving and accepting presence, we create that attachment. Really❓❓❓

BUT even if you may NOT agree, even experts all sing in chorus that LOVE is NEVER UNCONDITIONAL.  It always has a CONDITION.  More of like a GIVE and TAKE. If you expect a lot, you have to raise WHAT you offer.  And that makes any relationship a real success.  On the other hand, we would hear that only our parents are going to LOVE you UNCONDITIONALLY.  BUT of course you are NOT going to live with your parents only.  There are friends.  There are colleagues.  There is your future spouse.  So, keep and set your parents aside for this discussion💥💥💥

Frankly and truthfully, the rest are going to LOVE you ONLY IF you make a deal with them.  Let's have hypothetical examples here.  WOULD you ever want a fat partner/spouse WHO does nothing except lying down on the couch and watching NETFLIX all day, all night, day-IN, day-OUT?  While you grind to earn your bucks?  Obviously, nobody wants to be those kind of folks, right?  Everybody wants to have a partner WHO is good looking [or presentable], financially stable, and an achiever in life💧💧💧

Indeed, meaningful conditions make a relationship more meaningful.  And merit is all that you need to win in relationships.  BTW, loving DOESN'T mean always supplying WHAT another person wants, being tirelessly accepting and having NO needs of our own.  An immature view of LOVE saddles us with the obligation to satisfy every need, soothe every sorrow and comply with every request❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  No such thing as unconditional.  True, we can extend a helping hand to the poor and destitute probably on a one-off basis or a couple of times.  And the billionaire philanthropists?  Yes, they will done tons of monies because those donations will be TAX-DEDUCTIBLE.  Smart alecks, right?  All these tell us that life is a QUID PRO QUO, dude😌😌😌

Why ENOUGH Is Not ENOUGH

Why ENOUGH Is Not ENOUGH

Everywhere everyday and from everyone I always hear ENOUGH IS NOT ENOUGH except from Miami Heat, the popular NBA ballclub whose Fil-Am Coach Erik Spoelstra is always quoted as part of his 'SPOisms' that 'WE HAVE ENOUGH.  So, the bigger question is WHY is it, from everyone else, Why ENOUGH Is Not ENOUGH?  Precisely, I am even questioning my very own self because throughout my lifetime, that's my favorite expression, reaction and attitude [sadly though].  So, the bigger looming question is WHY it is predominantly, we're hearing ENOUGH IS NOT ENOUGH❓❓❓

When I was working with SHELL, the global oil giant, salary increases were like part of the year-on-year calendar and if there is a guessing game left, it is to speculate HOW much will be your latest salary adjustment [on top of the general mailer announcing an across-the-board increase].  WOULD you believe, year-on-year, I was NEVER satisfied?  INSTEAD, each coming year, I seem to be praying to all the GODs that I be merited a salary increase [that's part of my dreams]💧💧💧

How about you, dude?  HAVE you ever been caught in this vicious cycle of insatiable wants and desires?  Apparently and unfortunately, it seems ALL of us [with no exceptions] were all born and reared this way.  NOTHING as in NOTHING is ENOUGH, all because that joy from fulfillment of our wishes and expectations is always "EVANESCENT"💥💥💥

Magic word here is "EVANESCENCE" which is defined as that something that has a quality of disappearing and vanishing, just like the EVANESCENCE of a shooting star which makes it hard to catch.  One moment, it's there.  Next moment, it's like a whiff of air dissipating.  And this EVANESCENCE is best manifested when it comes to the consumption of alcohol and drugs❎❎❎

In the end, the situation calls for more of that alcohol OR drugs to achieve the same result because our bodies are creating LESS dopamine naturally to balance out the external influx.  Our takeaway:  As we are wired for achievement, let us give ourselves more opportunities, even breaking larger goals into bite-sized chunks.  That way, we can derive even more satisfaction from our daily pursuits.  And since the achievement and accumulation of more can never satisfy us, experts recommend the ultimate secret, which is by managing WHAT we want instead of WHAT we have, we will end up giving ourselves a chance to lead more satisfied lives.  To quote one popular quotable quote:  YOU CAN'T JUST WANT WHAT YOU WANT.  YOU HAVE TO WANT WHAT YOUR WANTS LEAD TO.  Dude, this should explain the mind boggling question WHY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH [despite everything we have achieved to date]😀😀😀

Who Cares If the Alarm DOES NOT Go OFF?

Who Cares If the Alarm DOES NOT Go OFF?

Can we live our daily lives with NO alarm clock?  Sounds like a threat?  Indeed it is.  BUT WHAT's the probability that that alarm clock will NOT GO OFF?  Very low probability indeed.  BUT here's the challenge.  Who Cares If the Alarm DOES NOT Go OFF?  In the first place, CAN'T we survive without the alarm clock?  It seems almost everyone of us [WHO got 'hostaged' in this rat race] believe [BY DEFAULT] that we CAN'T live without the alarm clock.  THAT's just untrue, a fallacy, a sheer figment of our convoluted thinking.  Let's look back at the previous generations, alarm clocks were simply non-existent all through those years📗📙📘

WHO's to blame?  Blame it to technologies?  Because all Androids and iPhones have showered us with all the alarm clock functionalities [WHEN in truth, all we need is the alarm sounding OFF].  Indeed, the term 'RISE AND SHINE' is much easier said than done.  And if you're currently finding yourself struggling to wake up practically every morning [UNLESS the alarm goes OFF], then you're in the right page of our blog today.  WHY❔❔❔

Because we want to challenge everyone to just dump out their windows that alarm clock OR simply disable those mobile phone alarms.  WHAT would happen next?  That will be the most exciting part because with sheer optimism, our sense of responsibility will likely spike with nary an effort.  Suddenly, everyone will be so conscious with this challenge💦💦💦

To make things hypothetically simple, let's assume all alarm clocks worldwide will NOT function due to a calendaring issue [just like way back in 1999 WHEN there was a GLOBAL PANIC that our legacy programs will suddenly grind to a halt because of that dreaded Y2K issue.  I'm sure this will trigger undue anxieties, with everyone worried if they will wake up in time for their next day schedules✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Anytime we should comfortably and permanently disable those smart phone [and even feature phones] alarm functionalities because our behaviors which evolved as habits are NOT a lost cause at all.  All it takes is our intestinal fortitude to frankly tell ourselves that starting next morning, the routine RISE & SHINE will be triggered by our self-discipline.  I vividly remember my English High School teacher's advice to the worsening tardiness issue.  WHEN YOU WAKE UP, RISE UP.  That's WHEN WHO CARES IF THE ALARM DOES NOT GO OFF😖😖😖

Know Your WORTH

Know Your WORTH

To Know Your WORTH is NOT all about $$$$$$$$, NO sirrrrs.  In life, one's WORTH is valued in terms of $$$$$ only by a very small 1-digit percentage of the whole.  WHAT matters and WHAT is worth is at the very least 90% which is comprised of all the intangibles you have which could be a long list like, as follows:

• HOW your trusted friends VALUE you
• HOW your family and loved ones VALUE you
• HOW you honestly VALUE yourself with no bias
• HOW the lower tier of your community VALUE you
• HOW your organization and colleagues VALUE you
• HOW your character's VALUE has been tried and tested

Thing is, that concept of SELF-WORTH comes down to feeling that you are a GOOD person WHO deserves to be treated with respect.  If you VALUE yourself, you inherently feel that you are kind, compassionate and respectful and are worthy of those same things in return.  Aligning ourselves to our own self-worth allows us to move into more actionable steps that grow and nurture that worth.  This is done through self-value.  While SELF-WORTH seems more emotional, experts claim that SELF-VALUE is more behavioral.  This is where we take the foundation of HOW we feel about ourselves and put it to work.  SELF-VALUE align with WHAT we value📌📌📌

Psychologists advise us that SELF-WORTH is at the very core of our being.  It is HOW we step into our life and our purpose and HOW we develop our worthiness as human beings.  We can also argue that a healthy sense of SELF-WORTH is highly responsible for the decisions we make, relationships we establish and foster and the life paths we choose to thread💚💜💛

So, the $64 question is, HOW do we value ourself?  Psychologists assure us that this is NO rocket science.  To start with, we need to acknowledge our 'INNER CRITIC'.  We all have that loud inner voice that ISN'T always 'KIND'.  It interjects WHEN we have ideas and projects at hand, and it often persuades us from taking that LEAP OF FAITH or believing in ourselves.  The experts caution us if it is left unchecked, our 'INNER CRITIC' can have an effect on our self-esteem💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  We agree it's NOT always easy to show up in life.  We DON'T always stop to examine just HOW much effort we put forth in everyday living.  And one way to VALUE yourself more is to be grateful for everything you do.  True, it is easy to be critical and wish you'd done better BUT you're always doing the best that you can.  Let us keep that up and celebrate even the SMALL WINs, even those little progress. And WHEN you have those shortfalls and mistakes, we are encouraged to consistently practice FORGIVENESS to our own selves.  On the same breadth, when others hurt us, we should practice FORGIVENESS.  Psychologists declare that FORGIVENESS is the free remedy that can alleviate so much of our suffering WHEN we hold onto bitterness.  So, to KNOW OUR WORTH, let us improve our SELF-WORTH consciousness💥💥💥

GOOD NEWS For All: LEARNING IS FREE

GOOD NEWS For All:  LEARNING IS FREE

GOOD NEWS For All:  LEARNING IS FREE.  Now, for the NOT so BAD NEWS.  Seriously, we need to keep LEARNING throughout our lifetime.  Ironically, most of us [and that includes moi] consider it one of the BEST THINGS IN LIFE, that of NEVER to stop learning.  There are always new skills to learn and even techniques for us to adopt.  WHEN you look at the most successful people today, they fully understand this and they have embraced this factual statement.  93 year old Warren Buffett, the respected American investor and philanthropist admits that most of the days, he spends the biggest time by READING and READING.  This is just the latest testament to the fact that even the most successful entrepreneurs in the world DON'T act like they know everything. They all understand the fact that they have to continuously learn to be SUCCESSFUL [unless they want to stagnate]📗📙📘

You might argue with the fact that you're now earning quite a hefty sum because of your skills, qualifications and capabilities.  TRUE, no one will question your credentials FOR NOW.  NOT to scare you, my next question is, is it guaranteed that you will remain relevant in the world maybe five to ten years from now?  I hate to say it BUT I really doubt it despite the fact that I am a natural born optimist.  WHY?  Because after another five to ten years from now, it's another round refreshed📌📌📌

For us to live life to the fullest, we must continually look for ways to improve.  Even in our respective organizations, we should NEVER stop striving to help even in areas that are outside of our comfort zone.  At a high level, I can give an insight with regard my career portfolio with my current organization.  The past thirteen years, I have taken up [approximately five to six roles and responsibilities which are different from my original portfolio.  And running full circle in my career has done wonders [with no hyperbole]💧💧💧

Except probably for the small brick and mortar companies, most organizations have recognized this.  Global giants like FACEBOOK and GOOGLE have heavily invested for the upskilling of their employees.  BTW, my very first opportunity to go for an overseas business trip was WHEN I was nominated for a linear programming training in Kuala Lumpur.  And that opened up for me tons of career advancement opportunities which I doubt I would have had without my upskilling💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  SELF-GROWTH is key for us to live a fulfilling life [and that's inclusive of a successful corporate OR entrepreneurial career]. If you want me to peg a pecuniary [$$$$$] value to the dividends you will reap by constantly upskilling yourself, it's just unquantifiable because of the enormous benefits you can potentially reap along the way.  Think about NOT just your corporate life BUT your whole lifetime✅✅✅ 

A Closed Mouth CAN'T Be Fed

A Closed Mouth CAN'T Be Fed

A Closed Mouth CAN'T Be Fed.  That can be a double-edged statement BUT either way, this tells us that we CAN'T just doublespeak.  LIKE you're saying YES BUT you're refusing it.  LIKE when you claim you're supportive BUT you're NOT even lifting a finger.  LIKE you're saying you're excited BUT nothing in your body language would manifest that excitement.  In short, you can be many things BUT if you're NOT, WHAT does that make you?  And WHERE does that lead you?  Unfortunately, this is one of man's worst contradictions📗📙📘

Thing is, SPEAK YOUR MIND.  You can't wiggle out of the way and claim that you are the shy and timid person WHO can't SPEAK one's mind.  BUT obviously you CAN'T be forced OR coerced.  IF you feel you should NOT SPEAK YOUR MIND, that's find BUT ensure that there is no disconnect from within yourself.  WHAT IF you're falsely raising expectations?  WHAT IF you're NOT 'walking the talk'?  WHAT IF you are that 'talking machine' BUT effectively you are spewing all hollowed words❓❓❓

The common question that stomps me is, WHAT stops us from SPEAKING OUR MIND?  I've seen first hand top-notch sales executives, their brilliance, eloquence, creativity, intuition, their amazing ability to communicate and express their view in a way that only themselves can deftly handle it.  Frankly, it's all a part of the puzzle that makes them WHO they are, imperfectly beautiful.  WHEN they are able to open up and be vulnerable in front of another person, that's WHEN the 'real magic' happens💦💦💦

WHEN they let go of any inhibitions and just allow themselves to speak the truth, that's WHEN transformation takes place.  And yet, WHENEVER we start discussing about going out into the world showing WHO they really are, express their views, ideas and their truth, I have witnessed first hand their fear that seems to be creeping in, causing them to disconnect from their inner source that allows them to express themselves genuinely.  And that overwhelming list of arguments will provide someone with all the ruse reasons they need to continue to hide their true self even though at the back of their minds, they seem to be aware WHAT is holding them back❗❗❗

Our takeaway:  BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.  By taking that righteous path, you can project a clear big picture.  BUT why are we NOT speaking up sometimes?  Simply put, we are afraid.  Our fears are born of our perception of reality.  WHETHER these fears are based in reality OR not is irrelevant because they are real to us. We all come across situations WHERE we feel that we are being treated unfairly OR believe we have a better idea BUT are afraid OR too shy to speak up.  Dude, a CLOSED MOUTH CAN'T BE FED💥💥💥

A Relationship Does NOT Fix A Problem

A Relationship Does NOT Fix A Problem

We all have our share of problems.  Life is NOT problem-free.  You're down.  You're depressed.  You're feeling detached.  You're overwhelmed with endless problems piling up and compounding in terms of complexity and implications to your daily life.  Look around the world.  How many times have we come across someone who's into that deep morass.  Before you know it, the person plunges into a Relationship.  WHO wants to speculate as to what motivated [a.k.a. PUSHED] him into that game-changing decision?  You're 'spot on'.  He went into that DECISION out of NECESSITY.  And WOULD you want to guess WHAT's that NECESSITY?  Yes dude, that was the NECESSITY to run away from the problems that were overwhelming him.  BUT hey, A Relationship Does NOT Fix A Problem, NOT at all.  On a very temporary circumstance, yes, all the excitement into that relationship will push back into oblivion the avalanche of problems you got.  BUT FOR HOW LONG❓❓❓

That's the thing.  Many of us [yes folks, I was guilty of that before] wrongly think that that kind of decision will rescue you and effectively extricate you out of your problems.  NO sirrrrrrs.  It NEVER will happen.  WHY?  It's all simply because a square peg will NOT fit a round hole.  Every pairing has to be mapped and matched.  A FIX for the sake of being a FIX will NOT resolve a problem that, for either logical OR practical reasons you expect your issue to be fixed!@#$%?

Yes folks, here's the best analogy.  Plunging into a relationship thinking that that FIXES a big chunk of your problems is akin to you running to grab alcohol and get drunk OR worse, getting into drugs UNTIL it drives you into addiction.  WHAT's the end result after all these hullaballoo?  The magnitude and complexity of your problems were hardly dented despite that quick FIX you wrongly thought will FIX most if NOT all your issues💥💥💥

WHAT's the antidote for all these?  As this poster goes, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your problems.  That is the long and short of it.  By burying your problem underneath with superficial FIXES does NOT help in fact and in truth.  WHEN the party's over, WHEN honeymoon's over, WHERE does that lead you to?  Good guess. You'll be back with your pestering problems right in your face❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  NEVER underestimate the underlying consequences of WRONG decisions, either because the reasons cannot be supported either logically OR even for all practical reasons.  Worst of all, as this poster goes. WHO knows, you're trying to fix a different kind of problem.  Dude, before you take that monumental DECISION, think about it a hundred times please✅✅✅

Why LOVE Should Be Effortless

Why LOVE Should Be Effortless

Is it true that LOVE should be effortless?  Yes dude, I fully and unequivocally subscribe to this.  WHY do we need to push ourselves to the edges of the cliff, all because of LOVE?  WHY move mountains, all because of LOVE? WHY sacrifice yourself and your soul, all because of LOVE?  WHY tons of sweat need to be exerted, all because of LOVE?  Indeed, Why should LOVE be Effortless?  This will be an exciting debate because surely, a plurality, if NOT  a majority of us, would have exerted tons of efforts till to date, all because of LOVE?  Regrettably, why does our life need to reach the precipice of life wherein all these are needed to fix what is damaged📗📙📘

Let's NOT look very far back in life.  ISN'T it initially, LOVE was EFFORTLESS?  Even when fueled and punctuated by infatuation, lust and excitement, it's still EFFORTLESS.  Then, over time, the need for EFFORT in love arises.  All because we accumulate grievances and it's true, experience does hurt too.  We then hold on to pain, we tend to hold on to the past, and every time we meet, it is our past that seems to meet.  In the end, many of us ebd up struggling to let go, forgive and move on.  Then, without that overriding force of initial lust to mitigate the pain, we then exert extra EFFORT to sustain the relationship.  Sadly, that situation pushes us to ask ourselves, why does that situation need to worsen and go that far❓❓❓

Psychologists caution us that this situation is NOT limited to romantic relationships alone.  BUT that this is prevalent across all forms of human connections, whether it be at work, in business or in our social life.  The commonality across all these is that we get hurt OR feel that hurt because of our expectations.  And in layman's terms, heartbreak is the consequence of those expectations being unfulfilled.  This could be a play of words but as poets would love to say it, in TRUE LOVE there is NO heartbreak because heartbreak only exists due to BROKEN demands, BROKEN expectations, BROKEN hopes, BROKEN ego💦💦💦

So, as we live in a world of 'pros and cons', of instant gratification, of swiping left OR right even within relationships, regardless whether one will stay OR go, the truth is we want things to be rosy all the time. So, this is not debatable, that we all want our relationships to be effortless💥💥💥

So, WHEN will LOVE be effortless?

• WHEN we commit to loving ourselves first and foremost
• WHEN we listen to understand rather than listen to speak
• WHEN we focus on WHAT's working rather than WHAT's NOT
• WHEN we see that it's our thinking that determines our state of mind and NOT WHAT our partner does OR does NOT do

Your SUCCESS Is Your CHOICE

Your SUCCESS Is Your CHOICE

Do we agree that Your SUCCESS Is Your CHOICE? I could agree NO LESS because it is us ourselves WHO will define and dictate our path to SUCCESS.  Straight from university, deep in my heart, I wanted to be a lawyer.  And with a partial [50%] scholarship, I was admitted to our country's recognized #1 law school.  BUT instead of progressing through my law studies, I was one confused fellow even WHILE I was approaching the crossroads of my life📗📙📘

That time, it's true I wanted to be a lawyer, dreaming to be a legitimate blue chip one by starting my path right from the portals of my country's #1 law school.  HOWEVER, early on, I had an opportunity to join global giant SHELL Group as a technology trainee.  Then, within my fingers, I started to count the years until I become a full-fledged lawyer, that is, IF EVER, I will hurdle all the pains and sacrifices going UP THE LADDER.  Then I did an apples-to-apples comparison if I joined SHELL.  Will it take me approximately the same five years to be successful in my fledgling career @SHELL versus my aspirations to be a lawyer💦💦💦

So, it was a runaway no-brainer decision I had to make simply because I was confident that in a year or two [max], I would reap the first 'tranche' of financial dividends early in my career WHEREAS had I pursued my 'lawyer' aspirations, on the barest minimum, I need to clock out five solid years based on multiple optimistic assumptions that will pave the way for me to graduate from law school and hurdle the bar examinations. Based on practical reasons, I made that decision and that defined my path towards that path of SUCCESS.  In a nutshell, you CAN'T blame your parents or any Tom, Dick and Harry if you got waylaid in that eventual SUCCESS [or FAILURE] that resulted💧💧💧

In summary, SUCCESS could mean different things to different people. And even within the same person, the path towards SUCCESS can change and swing depending on that person's decision [regardless if it was an informed decision OR not].  In brief, SUCCESS is defined by WHO we are, WHAT we believe in, and WHAT we think it means to be SUCCESSFUL.  For some, it is money,  For others, relationship matters.  For others, it's family.  For others, it's jobs.  For some, it's religion💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  SUCCESS is possessing that capability for self-determination, which is defined as the ability to decide WHAT you WANT to do in your life and then, to act on that DECISION.  Hold on. SUCCESSFUL people need NOT SUCCEED all the time.  They will definitely experience setbacks and failures along the way, perhaps MORE than the LESS SUCCESSFUL ones.  WHY? Because they take more risks and the higher the volume of risks you take, the frequency increases.  In a nutshell, YOUR SUCCESS IF YOUR CHOICE, dude❗❗❗

Finding Satisfaction In Life

Finding Satisfaction In Life

HAPPINESS is being happy in your life.  We experience it immediately and IN THE MOMENT.  On the other hand, life SATISFACTION is being HAPPY about your life.  If is the HAPPINESS that exists WHEN we talk about the past and the big picture.  So, WHAT can we do to NOT just be HAPPY in the moment BUT to feel SATISFIED with our lives?  This brings us to our thread today to figure out Finding Satisfaction In Life💴💵💷

Even the late Steve Jobs, the Apple co-founder was quoted: "YOUR WORK IS GOING TO FILL A LARGE PART OF YOUR LIFE AND THE ONLY WAY TO BE TRULY SATISFIED IS TO DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS GREAT WORK.  AND THE ONLY WAY TO DO GREAT WORK IS TO LOVE WHAT YOU DO".  That was a mouthful BUT for me, the magic word there is LOVE WHAT YOU DO, which is a mantra I embraced in my life📗📙📘

Now, all those words are music to our ears BUT in real life, traditional career paths often feel overcrowded OR misaligned with personal values, the concept of creating your dream job rather than finding it becomes NOT only appealing BUT necessary.  The idea of WHAT it means to work is continuously evolving BUT YET it is important for us to recognize that the roles and functions we adhere to in the professional setting are, in many ways, constructs shaped more by societal norms and expectations💦💦💦

This realization, albeit a tough pill to swallow, leads to a profound understanding that many of us struggle to find our true place in the job market, NOT because of lack of skills OR ambition BUT as per experts say, that is due to the predefined roles available that DON'T fully encapsulate our unique talents and perspectives.  Swinging over to our personal religious activities, a recent research came out with a surprising outcome that confirms people in a religious community.  WHY oh WHY💥💥💥

Surprisingly, the research showed that WHAT religion you practice or HOWEVER close you feel to God makes NO difference in your overall life SATISFACTION.  Instead, WHAT matters is the number of friends you have in your religious community.  TEN is the magic number.  If you have that many, you'll be HAPPIER.  Therefore, religious people are HAPPIER because they feel connected to a community of like-minded people.  Our takeaway:  There is NO formula for finding SATISFACTION as this emanates from you😀😀😀