How's Your LISTENING SKILLS?

How's Your LISTENING SKILLS?

QUESTION:  Has there been a moment in our daily life when we decide to STOP moving and STOP the noise?  Unfortunately, NO.  For most of us, we're constantly moving, we're driving OR we're engaged with tasks and activities.  And when we're watching movies, sometimes, we're listening to it with our headphones and NOT satisfied with watching and listening, you remain fidgety, with your fingers busy on your smart phone, scrolling, browsing, sheer nonstop.  BTW, How's Your LISTENING SKILLS❓❓❓

BTW, do you know there is a complete guide HOW NOT TO IMPROVE your listening skills?  

And it's FREE.  BUT where does that lead you to?  BUT who wants to take that path?  I doubt it you want to regress, right?  So, can we dissect WHY, by nature, we seem to be constantly busy?  THAT tendency to be constantly ON THE GO or productive, filling every space with something useful or even entertaining📗📘📙

BUT WHAT IF we endeavor to be QUIET?  So, that we can LISTEN more?  Because definitely by being constantly in that movie or music binge and getting hostaged by social media, WHO else and HOW else can we LISTEN if we're constantly engaged with all multifarious activities EXCEPT LISTENING?  Please DON'T tell us that you can include LISTENING in your multi-tasking syndrome❓❓❓

BUT what happens if we try things out and something magical comes into fruition?  Then we will start to discover a new way of being alive and a deeper experience starts to reveal itself to us?  On the other hand, WHAT does it mean to be quiet?  Unfortunately. there is NO simple answer to that conundrum.  BUT not to despair because various studies led to some breakthroughs in improving LISTENING💧💧💧

So, WHY don't we piggy-back on the results of those studies which tell us that by slowing down for at least a few minutes, by refraining from moving around doing lots of things and refraining from a bunch of tasks on your smart phone BUT instead just sit OR come to some kind of stillness and slowness.  Studies tell us that your LISTENING skills will improve and that is GUARANTEED✅✅✅

How To Keep Going?

How To Keep Going?

HOW do we cope with stress, overcome adversity and have better days ahead in life?  How To Keep Going?  NOT a daunting task BUT please DON'T get me wrong, this is NOT something patsy.  Life is NOT always smooth sailing.  THAT's probably NOT a surprise to most people.  Even then, it still seems to knock the wind out our sails WHEN life gets hard and even harder.  So, WHAT do you do WHEN things AREN'T going the way you'd hoped?  OR when you get broadsided by something unexpected❓❓❓

Let's join hands to explore HOW to weather the storm without a sinking ship.  First and foremost, EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED since life is full of UPs and DOWNs.  So, that should NOT shock us with the UNEXPECTED when life gets hard.  Planning ahead and being prepared may help you to NOT be caught off guard WHEN problems arise.  As in literary prose goes, saving money for a 'RAINY DAY' fund can help with financial pitfalls.  Having other SAFETY NETS in place might even help lessen OR soften the blow and impact of things like an illness, a job loss, or even relationship problems.  Definitely, life will inevitably throw some challenges your way, so having a plan of WHAT to do can make it easier to navigate unpredictable circumstances.  Most people become more upset about things they DIDN'T see coming💧💧💧

IF you can adjust your EXPECTATIONS in such a way that you are aware of possible inevitabilities coming your way, it is likely that you will find it easier to deal with them when they come.  I heard this one-liner many times and it keeps resonating with the loudest decibels within me through the years:  'EXPECT THE BEST, PLAN FOR THE WORST AND PREPARE TO BE SURPRISED'.  Bottom line here is to ask yourself, 'WHAT IS IN YOUR LIFEBOAT?'  WHEN putting together a plan to prepare for hard times, WHAT type of preventive OR recovery measures would you include?  You might consider practices like saving money, proactively guarding your health with the reasonable nutrition and fitness, and being held accountable in your daily activities and work ethics.  Doing your best to stay on top of things and keep them in good working order might help prevent some of the difficult situations down the road💎💎💎

Lately [especially when the Covid-19 pandemic broke out], the world seems to be lurching from one crisis to another.  Ever since we went through that pandemic, dramatic changes as to how we conduct our daily lives, economic uncertainty and political [combined with social] turmoil as well as an array of natural disasters have all thrown us hapless.  You can add personal traumas that people are also dealing with, such as the loss of a loved one, declining health, unemployment, divorce, amongst others❎❎❎

What's our takeaway?  Regardless WHETHER the source of a disruption in your life is a global upheaval OR a personal tragedy [or even both], living through difficult times can take a heavy toll on your mood, your health and even your outlook in life.  It can even leave you feeling helpless and overwhelmed by stress and anxiety.  You may be painfully grieving all that you've lost, flooded by a slew of difficult, conflicting emotions, OR even uncertain about HOW to move on with your life.  And dude, you got to KEEP GOING❗❗❗

Does OBSESSION Help?

Does OBSESSION Help?

Does OBSESSION Help?  Dude, my answer is a categorical YES and NO.  YES for many reasons and NO for many reasons as well.  So, WHAT is the first thought that comes into your head WHEN you hear the word OBSESSION?  Are you seeing a semblance of someone WHO seems obsessed with something?  OR even someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder [OCD]❓❓❓

WHAT if we will hear from experts that most successful people on this planet are actually proven obsessive?  OBSESSED with becoming successful, OBSESSED with being the best they can, OBSESSED to consistently prove his/her supremacy by lording over the competitive field OBSESSED to be the #1 in his/her chosen field OR initiative, with a far second lagging far far behind?  NOW, before we get into a topsy-turvy situation, let's go back to semantics and align that OBSESSION is [JUST] a passion that has taken over everything.  Theoretically, this is a correct statement BUT we also have to make sure that the OBSESSION remain healthy and DOESN'T cross the fine line between HEALTHY versus UNHEALTHY📗📙📘

Now, here comes this conflicting overlap between PASSION and OBSESSION.  Are they synonymous?  NO sirrrrrs. Instead, OBSESSION is just a PASSION that has taken over everything.  Now, let us plot the most common demarcation lines.  WHAT IF you feel PANIC and GUILT if you DON'T do it?  A healthy OBSESSION is WHEN you want to do something and you will always make time for it, no matter WHAT💧💧💧

Late nights and early morning if you will always make time for it, NO MATTER WHAT.  It becomes UNHEALTHY when it DOESN'T happen for whatever reason and you feel PANIC and/or GUILT about it.  And WHEN you radically restrict your life, LIKE your parents are NOT asking you to be better in your choices in life BUT it is WHEN you say NO to actually going for dinner as you know that PANIC and GUILT will creep in.  What's our realization here?  You seem to focus ONLY on the short term and NOT on the long term.  So, DOES OBSESSION HELP?  YES absolutely so long as you DON'T CROSS THAT FINE LINE❎❎❎

Mother of all scares is when paranoia creeps in.  OBSESSION can greatly affect your mental health, till you become so focused on something that you close your mind off to many other options that could potentially offer you a much better balance in your life.  And WHEN you keep pushing yourself EVEN IF it is making you UNWELL, please DON'T ignore our bodies as studies show, they are 'GREAT INDICATORS' when something is good OR bad for us.  So, DOES OBSESSION HELP?  YES absolutely so long as you DON'T CROSS THAT FINE LINE❕❕❕

Going Against The Tide?

Going Against The Tide?

Here's a challenge question for everyone.  HOW does your IDEAL life unfold?  WHERE does it start and WHERE does it end?  WHAT amazing things are you going to create with your hands and with your brilliant mind?  WHAT, if anything, are you just pining to do with your life for now?  Now, WHETHER to float with the tide OR Going Against The Tide, it is a choice we must all make consciously OR unconsciously at one time in our lives.  Sadly, few people get this💵💴💷

Let us look back. Think of any DECISION you've ever made which had a bearing on your future.  Either way it goes, I may be wrong BUT I DON'T see how it could have been anything BUT a choice.  NOT to forget that in life, there are times WHEN we'll find ourselves floating.  That will be those periods defined by UNSUCCESSFUL choices, the kind that leads frustration and unhappiness.  Let's admit there are DECISIONS we arrive at, NOT because we're 100% into it📗📙📘

If you're a sales OR account executive, probably you remember signing on a new client NOT because you were damn passionate with that opportunity BUT maybe you were trying to reach your quota.  THAT business partnership you entered into, probably you just want to go with it BUT NOT because it was the best strategic move.  THAT house you bought in the suburbs, you did it because it was the next logical move to do BUT not really because you 'fell in love' with that house💧💧💧

All these are what is commonly called as those FLOATING DECISIONS, making those decisions for WHAT life offers and NOT seeking out WHAT your soul craves.  Getting by with GOOD ENOUGH.  Saying YES to to an option OUT OF FEAR that nothing better will come along, rather than having that certainty that that CHOICE will move you in the direction of your goals.  NOT to point fingers BUT how many of us have lived and worked this way?  And HOW do we break out of this pattern?  Let's assume each of us have eight possible paths to follow and let's assume that we all CAN'T see any real purpose in any of the eight possible paths.  WHAT NEXT❓❓❓

Can we guess WHAT'S NEXT for us?  Dude, this all points us to look and explore for that NINTH possible path.  Admittedly, this is much easier said than done because it is NEVER easy as it sounds.  Especially since we all live a relatively narrow life, in fact, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it ISN'T any too difficult to understand WHY we seem to feel this way.  Our takeaway?  WHEN crunch time comes, decide and make a CHOICE [NOT to scare, if you procrastinate in CHOOSING, circumstance itself will inevitably make the CHOOSING on your behalf].  Will you still be GOING AGAINST THE TIDE❓❓❓

Why GOOD NEWS Matters

Why GOOD NEWS Matters

Various researches tell us that even in these normal times [post-Covid pandemic], constant exposure to negative news can have a heavy impact on our mental health.  In the midst of that unprecedented Covid pandemic, people were NOT only faced with new challenges in their work and personal lives BUT also subjected to a constant barrage of troubling headline-grabbing news.  So, question is, Why GOOD NEWS Matters💴💷💵

Amongst others, according to medical experts, NEGATIVE news increases the level of cortisol, our body's primary stress hormone.  And continuous exposure to cortisol has been shown to cause severe side effects, including being unable to naturally regulate blood pressure.  Furthermore, NEGATIVE news stories have been shown to significantly change an individual's mood and mindset, especially if there is a tendency to emphasize suffering📘📗📙

Studies also show that when we are the harbinger of GOOD NEWS and then when people respond enthusiastically to our GOOD NEWS, we feel more grateful and closer to them.  Have you ever had something GOOD happen to you and felt like shouting it from the rooftops?  There's something about sharing GOOD NEWS that seems to enhance the positive feelings we get from happy events in our lives, which experts coined 'CAPITALIZATION'💧💧💧

'CAPITALIZING' on POSITIVE events by sharing them with others [and receiving enthusiastic response in return] has been tied to many GOOD outcomes, including closer relationships and greater HAPPINESS.  A recent study even concluded another identified benefit of sharing the GOOD stuff and that is more feelings of GRATITUDE.  The inquisitive question asked to the researchers is HOW sharing GOOD news leads to gratitude❓❓❓

The explanation friendly enough to a layman tells us that verbalizing GOOD NEWS calls attention to the GOOD things happening in your life.  Like when you are sharing to your friend that you had a good holiday, in recounting WHAT happened, you can 'RE-EXPERIENCE' the POSITIVE feelings and become even more appreciative.  Getting an enthusiastic response to your GOOD news is also important because it makes you feel recognized, validated and cared for in a way that strengthens your relationship, which leads to gratitude as well.  Our takeaway?  Let us learn CAPITALIZING from POSITIVE events because GOOD NEWS really matters❗❗❗

Does It Really Take Two To Tango?

Does It Really Take Two To Tango?

Does It Really Take Two To Tango? My honest answer is YES and NO.  I was in a conversation the other day and the topic was focused on a friend WHO was talking about his supportive spouse and that exchange started with the comment 'THEY HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP',  to which I blurted out [by default though]:  'IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, RIGHT?'  This then egged me to have this as our thread for today💵💴💷

As an after-thought, I pondered over my response that day and wondered [and challenged myself], is that really what I believe it was?  Does it really TAKE TWO to make or break a relationship?  How do we define a great connection that exists between two people?  Could it be that we've adopted a common myth as fact?  Indeed, I realized of late that this topic is worth discussing [if NOT debating] because I admit having this realizations, albeit too late in the day [BUT LATE IS BETTER THAN NEVER, right?]📗📙📘

In all our lives, whether they are yours or the lives of your relatives, friends and strangers, from time to time, there may be RED FLAGS [or at least potential ones] in relationships.  All it takes is for one partner to make a unilateral decision to destroy a relationship.  All it takes is one selfish person [unfortunately] to ruin a relationship and everything gets ruined💧💧💧

Problem is, we all have our own EGOs and sometimes, EGO gets in the way, especially during disagreements.  I'm NOT saying though that only one party is accountable and the other can get away scot-free BUT contrary to popular belief, it is merely a COLLABORATIVE effort.  In fact, personality traits affect how we emotionally connect to others.  A person WHO lacks integrity and empathy will make DECISIONS based on HOW it will make them look rather than HOW it will benefit others.  HARSH TRUTH❕❕❕

Our takeaway?  Let's face it, personality traits affect how we emotionally connect to others.  A person WHO lacks integrity and empathy will make DECISIONS based on how it will be favorable to them.  And they are incapable of validating other people's feelings and so, it becomes difficult for them to hold themselves to the commitment of sustaining a healthy relationship.  Let's agree though that we CAN'T change the personality of our partner/spouse's personality traits because personality flaws are UNCHANGEABLE from the outside.  We DON'T have control over the events that have come to shape WHO he or she is right now.  So, DOES IT REALLY TAKE TWO TO TANGO.  The answer is a YES and a loud NO  as well❗❗❗

That Power of Expectation

That Power of Expectation

Have you ever observed that for some people, it seems their stars are always aligned?  WHEN they NEVER seem to run out of luck?  THAT student WHO would always ace a test?  THAT budding entrepreneur WHOSE half-baked business ideas always seem to take off?  THAT social animal who's frequently within the inner circle of people WHO are way out of his league?  This is WHY we need to dissect That Power of Expectation💵💴💷

Meanwhile, here you are, working your butt off just to end up with a C rating in mathematics?  So WHAT gives, really?  Well, studies tell us that it turns out there's a scientific explanation for WHY some people skate through life with ease while the rest of us continue to struggle.  It really all comes down to something called PYGMALION EFFECT, defined as psychological phenomenon in which HIGH EXPECTATIONS lead to improved performance in a given area and LOW EXPECTATIONS lead to worse📗📙📘

So, if someone expects you to do well, you are more likely to do well.  WHEREAS if someone expects you to fail, you will likely fail.  So, this PYGMALION EFFECT has become a solid proof that EXPECTATIONS can change everything.  If someone believes in you and expects great things from you, you'll likely aim higher.  And if they expect you to crash and burn, there's that high probability that you would flop, unfortunately💧💧💧

So where's the beef here?  It is how being aware of EXPECTATIONS can help us feel more content and resilient.  Having EXPECTATIONS  about how things will go is a natural human instinct.  We are wired to want to know WHAT's coming.  Expecting ourselves NOT to have EXPECTATIONS  is a contradiction in terms and this can evolve into a potentially harmful form of denial.  Like emotions, EXPECTATIONS are a normal part of life.  WHEN you are aware of your EXPECTATIONS with kindness and curiosity, you can use it to your advantage✅✅✅

Our takeaway?  We DON'T need to look far back.  Just look at the recent pandemic.  It crushed ALL our expectations.  Many things we took for granted were suddenly OFF THE TABLE.  We really need to align ourselves with EXPECTATIONS as long as they are realistic.  Not a long shot, dude, that POWER of EXPECTATIONS❗❗❗

Is Suffering Optional?

Is Suffering Optional?

Is Suffering Optional?  Sirrrrrrs, my answer is a loud 'NO' because this is a GIVEN for us all.  BUT you might wonder WHY am I posing this as our thread today?  It is because some misguided souls could still be heard questioning [AS IN] really why do they need to go through the agonies of SUFFERINGS in life.  C'mon dude.  Sufferings, painful events, and even bad things do happen to us in life💵💴💷

Indeed, this is something we all go through life.  We are going to SUFFER, that's just inevitable [BUT please DON'T get me wrong, this is NOT to scare you].  It's just part of our human condition and it's just part of being alive.  Sometimes bad things happen to us, and we end up SUFFERING.  Even now, some of us may be in the hospital because of an illness.  Others may be heartbroken because of the end of a relationship.  OR we may be suffering severe depression because we HAVEN'T been able to find work for several years.  📗📙📘

We all have our own stories about SUFFERINGS and we all have SUFFERED.  So, HOW can we deal with SUFFERINGS?  Sadly, the most tempting and easiest option is to state that we can SUPPRESS them [oh really?].  And that's one key reason there is so much SUFFERING in the world because when we SUPPRESS our SUFFERING, it does NOT go away.  Instead, it just gets put aside for a little bit and then we need to SUPPRESS it more and more💧💧💧

Our common scenarios run true across countries and cultures.  WHEN we SUFFER, we often turn to substances OR sometimes to other people.  In other words, we turn to things outside of ourselves to try to TURN OFF the SUFFERING.  Problem is, we never learn our lessons hard enough.  We always seem to run to the SUPPRESS-ALL-FEELINGs option all the time.  SUFFERING occurs.  Instead of teeling, we tend to numb it,  BUT that DOESN'T work for very long so we have to keep numbing it❌❌❌

Unfortunately, there are infinite number of ways [a.k.a. ADDICTIONS] that we can turn to so we WON'T feel our feelings, from food to prescription medications, to relationships, to keeping super busy, and list goes on and on.  So, WHAT's our takeaway?  WHEN dealing with SUFFERING, we can feel the pain and it is challenging to us.  Taking as an example when our loved one dies, we do SUFFER as we feel the loss, and it is both sad and tragic, together with all the tears.  And sometimes even anger flows in as part of that loss.  However, WHAT happens is that FEELING or OWNING the pain helps us get better.  Our SUFFERING heals and then we move on.  So, is SUFFERING OPTIONAL?  NOT AT ALL, dude.  Everyone of us will go through that gauntlet but we can survive it albeit bruised and maybe, sometimes scathed❗❗❗

is HAPPINESS Elusive?

is HAPPINESS Elusive?

is HAPPINESS Elusive?  For some of us, I DON'T think so that this question is holding any bagful of water at all BUT for the many others out there, I can attest [as a first-hand account and attestation] that I've seen and faced people UP CLOSE who, despite having with them ALL that he/she needs in life, remains UNHAPPY [till now].  Some would even blurt out that he/she would prefer to be run-over by a vehicle, all because that person remains UNHAPPY [even as we speak]. How do I react to this?   I commiserate and I sympathize that person's chronic dilemma BUT who else can help him/her???

REALLY, a big part of the problem regarding HAPPINESS being elusive is the fact that HAPPINESS is NOT [as in NOT] just one thing.  And WHAT exacerbates this problem is the fact that some types of problems may even run conflict with one another.  In other words, having too much of one type of HAPPINESS may undermine our ability to have enough of other types of HAPPINESS.  In other words, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE for us to simultaneously have all types of HAPPINESS in various quantities.  A real life example that a satisfying LIFE built on a SUCCESSFUL career and a good marriage is something that unfolds over a longer period of time.  And it takes a lot of work, and often requires avoiding pleasures [like partying]❎❎❎

Frankly, that example also means you CAN'T while away way too long and too much of your time spending one pleasant lazy day after another in the company of good friends.  Which means, keeping your nose to the grindstone demands that you cut back on many of life's PLEASURES.  Relaxing days and even friendships may fall by by wayside💎💎💎

In the shortest words possible, as HAPPINESS in one area of life increases, it will OFTEN decline in another type of HAPPINESS.  To complicate things, we tend to delude ourselves about our PAST and even our FUTURE.  And this dilemma is further confounded by the way our brains process the experiences of HAPPINESS.  Let's have another real-life phrases we hear around like "WON'T IT BE GREAT WHEN I GO TO COLLEGE, FALL IN LOVE, HAVE KIDS, etc] and similarly we often hear old people express like "WASN'T IT GREAT THEN WHEN I WAS WORKING".  Now, the question is, how often do we hear "ISN'T THIS GREAT, RIGHT NOW"❓❓❓  

Our takeaway?  Surely our PAST and FUTURE aren't always better than the PRESENT .  And yet, we continue to think that this is the case.  Frankly, these are the BRICKS THAT WALL OFF harsh reality from the part of our mind that thinks about PAST and FUTURE HAPPINESS.  So, WHY can't we be adaptive to be HAPPY all of the time while constantly being mindful about the fleeting nature of HAPPINESS.  To be forewarned is to be forearmed❗❗❗

Enough Of Hypotheticals

Enough Of The Hypotheticals

Enough Of The Hypotheticals.  Isn't it quite confusing [and mind-boggllng] to think that a single habit, lasting only a few seconds, can have such a significant impact on your SUCCESS.  Studies show that everyday we have tens of thousands of thoughts and that reaffirms how our brain is an incredible machine.  BUT if there is one thing almost all of us [and that includes moi] are hesitant to talk about is HESITATION itself.  It is a common issue to almost all of us.  One HESITATING out of fear and one is avoiding the fact itself💵💴💷

While HESITATION is defined in Wikipedia as 'the period of inactivity during which the struggle amongst the nascent activities of different mechanisms is proceeding', studies also show that there is a science behind PROCRASTINATION.  And if we think that this INTERNET AGE brought about this PROCRASTINATION thing, we're wrong because history tells us people had HABITUAL HESITATION way back ancient civilizations📗📙📘

Studies also showed that the past twenty years, the peculiar behavior of PROCRASTINATION has received a burst of empirical interest.  Even psychology researchers now recognize that there's far more to it than simply putting something off until tomorrow.  True PROCRASTINATION is a complicated failure of 'self-regulation' [this is the jargon coined by psychologists].  These experts define it as that VOLUNTARY DELAY  of some important task that we intend to do, despite knowing that we'll suffer as a result of it💧💧💧

As this poster screams loud and clear to ACT means ACTION CHANGES THINGS.  Well said.  The thing is, a major misperception about PROCRASTINATION is that it's an innocuous habit of worst, and maybe even a helpful one at best.  Supporters of PROCRASTINATION often say it DOESN'T matter when a task gets done, so long as it is eventually finished.  Some even believe they work best under pressure, whew❎❎❎

Our takeaway?  There is a GAP between INTENTION and ACTION.  There's NO single type of PROCRASTINATOR, in fact, BUT several general impressions have emerged.  And experts claim that chronic PROCRASTINATORS have PERPETUAL PROBLEMS finishing tasks, while situational ones delay based on the task itself.  Besides that GAP between INTENTION and ACTION, there is that GAP between FEARING and AVOIDING.  Either way, ENOUGH OF HYPOTHETICALS😌😌😌