When Recovery Is A Bear

When Recovery Is A Bear

Anyday anytime anyone falters and falls.  Then we try to pick up the pieces, sometimes struggling despite that will be backed by waning power and energy.  BUT hey, that is a reality we all need to accept.  There is NO antidote or QUICK FIX for that.  At the very least, When Recovery Is A Bear, there are fundamental GIVENs that we need to accept and embrace.  Refusing and rejecting When Recovery Is A Bear is a trap we DON'T want to get caught💴💷💵

I remember myself going through surgical operation [very first time in my life] two years back and while everything was blurry, I can vividly remember I repeatedly recited some prayerful verses [over and over again].  At that point in time, I was unaware or clueless if recovery will be a bear for me.  Up until today, I managed to gather all my realizations if/when we end up When Recovery Is A Bear.  Topping the best practices is ACCEPTANCE.  Never regret OR be remorseful if you are in that situation because that's force majeure and in legal parlance, moot and academic📗📙📘

So, I believe I did the correct first step post-operation wherein I felt that inner GRATITUDE that brought me in that situation.  GRATEFUL that I did overcome the hump.  GRATEFUL that the medical procedure was the best FIX possible for me.  Thereafter, I ensured my support structure was SOLID AS A ROCK.  Being with POSITIVE PEOPLE puts forward at least one toe up front💎💎💎

Alas, we get hounded with so many 'horror' stories but very few crisis can beat the aftermath of disasters and traumatic events in our life.  The risk here is that following a traumatic event, by human nature, we tend to stunned, disoriented or even unable to integrate [or digest] distressing information✅✅✅

Fact is, our most common manifestation after a crisis would hit us is being anxious, nervous, overwhelmed or even grief-stricken.  So, all these boil down to COPING.  And with urgency, one has to ADJUST and ANTICIPATE that you will go through a difficult phase in life When Recovery Is A Bear❗❗❗

Make It Look EASY [Even If It's NOT]

Make It Look EASY [Even If It's NOT]

Surely you had those insane moments when things were so hard simply because indeed they were damn hard.  BUT had you ever had those moments when you Make It Look EASY [Even If It's NOT]?  You might [wrongly] think now that it's a folly to Make It Look EASY [Even If It's NOT] but would you agree figuring things out that way will do wonders for you📌📌📌

No sirrrrs, I'm NOT soft-selling Meghan Trainor's billboard hit DONT I Make It Look EASY.  But think of performers, be they are athletes, dancers, musicians.  If they have a singular commonality, they all Make It Look EASY [Even If It's NOT].  Oh, even at the workplace, I can attest I had GREAT BOSSES.  I do salute them because they always seem to know what to do and they seem to do it with flair YET effortlessly.  To them, problem solving seemed easy.  They know how to handle dicey interpersonal issues, even those for clients📗📙📘

Now let's dissect these GREATS.  First off, no GREAT performer or GREAT boss got good all the time.  It really takes time to get comfortable with the BASICS of the work, the trade itself.  Then it takes time to DEVELOP the skills we need to Make It Look EASY [Even If It's NOT].  So, can we replicate their feat?  SURE why not.  First off, PLAN.  Make that conscious choice about WHAT you're going to work on and WHAT you're going to do👲👲👲

Then, ACT.  Endeavor to do it, attempt doing it.  Fact is, the first time you will attempt to do anything will be damn tough. It will NEVER go perfectly right the first time or even the second time.  As the old cliche goes, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. And keep remembering you're working on this because that is the best path towards perfecting that capability🔰🔰🔰

Word of caution though.  Although we are so focused with PERFECTION as part of our mantra, NEVER forget that PERFECTION can be light years away from where you stand now but as you develop that capability. Making It Look EASY [Even If It's NOT] will add unquantifiable dividends to your self-esteem and self-confidence even as the roads are rough and bumpy ahead✅✅✅

UNLEARNING Is A Must-Do In Life

UNLEARNING Is A Must-Do In Life

All along, we have been preaching and pushing for LEARNING, pitching that LEARNING IS A LIFELONG PROCESS.  Very true indeed.  BUT when did we realize that UNLEARNING Is A Must-Do In Life as well?  Oh, surely you have your fair share of people you admire for their respective SUCCESS STORIES, right?  Next thing, figure it out, WHAT do they have in common?  They doubled down on habits, behaviors and actions that made all the difference to their goals.  True, UNLEARNING has its negative connotations.  However, it DOESN'T mean you are NOT that smart or capable💊💊💊

UNLEARNING is letting go of OLD assumptions, beliefs, patterns, habits and thought patterns that NO longer serve you at all.  And rather than remaining stagnant in our OLD WAYS, why DON'T we invest our time in building new ones that are more aligned with WHO we want to be.  To quote Anthisthenes, the great Greek philosopher, 'THE MOST USEFUL PIECE OF LEARNING FOR THE USES OF LIFE IS TO UNLEARN WHAT IS UNTRUE"📗📙📘

In fact, I'm hoping I DON'T need to do a 'hard sell' to you my dear reader this 3 PHASES of LIFE because this encapsulises the LEARNING Cycle in our life.  UNLEARNING here means taking a NEW look at something and seeing differently [compared to how you see it in the past].  That becomes an essential process of developing a more profound wisdom and self-awareness.  And, when you beef it up with the 'right mindset', UNLEARNING can lead to much greater SUCCESS ahead in your life💵💴💷

Frankly, what exactly should we UNLEARN?  Primero.  That NEGATIVE SELF-TALK.  How we talk ourselves can significantly impact our confidence and self-esteem.  NEGATIVE SELF-TALK can hold us back.  Let us replace that NEGATIVE SELF-TALK  with positive affirmations to further build and boost our self-confidence.  Segundo.  COMPLACENCY.  It's easy to become complacent when things are going well.  However, being too comfortable can prevent us from taking risks and even pursuing opportunities.  Try to start challenging yourself and push yourself outside of your comfort zone📌📌📌

The old cliche tells us that as we mature in age, we eventually mature even as a person.  BUT have you heard one with low self-esteem during the university days and a decade after, that self-esteem has dipped farther?  OR that alcoholic during his teens and these years as a grandpa, he has evolved to be a 'hard core' alcoholic?  Indeed, UNLEARNING IS A MUST-DO in life❗❗❗

Some Stuff Just Won't FLY

Some Stuff Just Won't FLY

Years ago, I was attending a forum where Oracle's then CEO Larry Ellison keynoted the event and was sharing to the audience how he envisioned how things will be seamless when he arrives his home and leaves the next day [just like Siri, the iPhone's virtual assistant].  Eventually, the geeks and experts introduced us to the INTERNET of THINGS [IOT].   BUT hey, some stuff just won't FLY📗📙📘

Recently, someone quipped to me that if he knew he will sitting down in front his laptop for 10-12 hours a day, he would have NOT accepted that kind of job.  WAIT when pandemic struck.  He NOW realized that YES HE CAN.  Truth is, you could be an event organizer, a veterinarian, a handyman or even a housewife, you'll need a device, whether that's a laptop or a gadget.  So, WHO says that it's either your WAY or NO WAY? Again, some stuff just won't FLY💎💎💎

So, why do children love mascots to the extent they wanna hugggggggggg them FOREVER? It's because the kids cherish endless happiness and they thought that's what mascots really are.  BUT again, some stuff just won't FLY.  Now, let's swing to our own comfort zones wherein your wish is WHAT comes true to form, where your WANT is what's followed, where HOW you feel is WHAT matters.  BUT hey, that's a utopian state that remains fictional till today📌📌📌

Let's swing to our personal interactions with our buddies and close friends.  How familiar is this story wherein it used to be, they had weekly ZOOM calls with enabled cameras too till those weekly forays eroded to texting [sending SMS] and of late, "KEEP UP" and some exchanges of memes and other 'witty' things they share on-the-fly but did you hear that that at that point, there is less going in depth?   Again, some stuff just Won't FLY✅✅✅

OR you could be that ballerina/dancer who dutifully practices her trade but even in the aftermath of that pandemic, you would still observe that ballerina/dancer so dutiful in her practices but in the hollowed halls, she is with her mentor, dutifully watched virtually that is.  What's our takeaway today?  MAKE DO with WHAT we have because some stuff just won't FLY❗❗❗

How Are We As 'ACTORS IN LIFE'

How Are We As 'ACTORS IN LIFE'

Are we all aware that we are 'ACTORS IN LIFE'?  Honestly, I was NOT aware of this fact NOT until years passed when I came with this realization, THAT when I speak, I speak differently when I'm talking to my boss versus my client versus THAT typical restaurant waiter OR butler.  Oh yes, isn't that a very valid realization?  I admit I talk quite differently to each of those scenarios.  NOT to a fault and without bad faith, we tend to auto-tweak ourselves.  So, why DON'T we deep-dive as regards our human behaviors manifesting differently across different scenarios📗📙📘

Apparently, people change the way they speak based on the STATUS of the person wo whom they are talking.  So, have we ever wondered WHY people change the way they speak in certain situations?  Researches show that people tend to change the pitch of their voice depending on to WHOM they are talking and HOW dominant they feel in a particular context📌📌📌

Conclusively, studies show that individuals' vocal characteristics are altered in response to people of different social status.  Regardless of self-perceived social status, people tend to talk to those they consider high status individuals using a high pitch.  Without being gender biased, studies also show that for men, a deep, masculine voice sounds dominant especially in men, while the opposite is true of a higher pitched voice💵💴💷

If there is something common between genders, both alter their pitch in response to people they think are dominant and/or prestigious.  Another sharp observation is that for people who consider themselves to be dominant [those who use methods like coercion, manipulation or intimidation], they are LESS LIKELY to vary their pitch and will instead talk in a lower tone when talking to someone of a high social status❗❗❗

Our key takeaway today? For the minority WHO do not change HOW loud they are speaking [no matter WHO they are talking to], that likely means that they are more CALM and in CONTROL of a situation.  So let's rethink HOW we talk from the time we wake up till we hit the sack.  If only we As 'ACTORS IN LIFE', would be welcoming if we can further tweak our own selves✅✅✅

'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of Online Scams

'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of Online Scams

All along, we always knew that SCAMS led to preying innocent victims [and to date, there's a huge number of them].  In ChannelNewsAsia, however, their report highlighted 'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of Online Scams.  So, looks like, there are two sides of a coin but both sides falling prey to the same job ads that always sound too good to be true.  Open and well-paid positions at a popular casino with all the perks📗📙📘

BTW, online SCAMS can happen to anyone and even professionals, yuppies and techies are NO exemptions.  BUT here's an insight that will cause you to fall off your chair.  Gen Z folks fall for online SCAMS more than their boomer grandparents do.  Apparently, the generation that grew up with the internet ISN'T invulnerable to becoming victims of online SCAMS💎💎💎

Based on statistics, compared to older generations, younger generations have reported higher rates of victimization in PHISHING, IDENTIFY THEFT, ROMANCE SCAMS, and even cyberbullying.  A study by DELOITTE showed that Gen Z Americans were three times MORE LIKELY to get caught up in an online SCAM than boomers were [16 and 5 percent respectively]📌📌📌

Studies compared the behaviors between Millennials and Gen Z, the two 'highly digitally native' generations and while Gen Z had a high awareness of online security, they fared worse than Millennials in actually implementing many cybersecurity best practices❗❗❗

The mother of all ironies in this ongoing SCAM saga is that those workers lured by those fake job ads are forced to run online SCAMS for money.  It means victims are both those targeted by SCAMS and those who are forced to carry it out.  And while we're familiar with that first type of victim, for the second, we're rarely so.  The United Nations Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights warned that there are wide-ranging digital criminal activities in romance SCAMS, investment SCAMS, crypto fraud, money laundering and illegal gambling.  Even tightly-run Singapore headlined a $1.2 billion money laundering SCAM.  Scary but now, two sides of the coin are 'DOUBLE VICTIMS' of SCAMS❌❌❌

What's Surprising About Surprises

What's Surprising About Surprises

What's Surprising About Surprises?  Oh, except for that very unfortunate trouble at the Gaza Strip between Israel and the Palestinian Hamas [which is now looming to be a full-blown WAR], and of course, EXCEPT for unfortunate accidents, incidents and unexpected problems arising from our [and our family's] health and medical conditions, SURPRISES should always be welcomed with open arms.  Surprisingly, NOT much is appreciated when it comes to SURPRISES📗📙📘

So, when do we welcome surprises?  WHEN we celebrate milestones.  WHEN we want to recognize our partner/spouse, family members or work colleagues for what they deserve.  WHEN any other non-relative deserves such positive feedback.  WHEN such surprises will be a VALUE-ADD to the motivation of someone📌📌📌

On these days where pranks happen left and right, let's dissect as to what REALLY happens to us when a SURPRISE is sprung to us?  TED inspirational speaker Tania Luna said that when people get SURPRISED by something or someone, our human brain goes through that "SURPRISE SEQUENCE".    To quote Tania, "It is a strong neuro alert that tells us that something is important about this moment and we have to pay attention.  Our cognitive resources are then HIJACKED and pulled into the moment💠💠💠

Studies showed that SURPRISES caused humans to "PHYSICALLY FREEZE" for 1/25th of a second.  After humans freeze, SURPRISES will trigger something in the brain that Luna calls "FIND", a moment that causes humans to generate extreme curiosity in an attempt to figure out what is happening during a SURPRISE✅✅✅

Studies show that when we are SURPRISED [for better or worse], our emotions intensify up to 400 percent, whew that's a quantum leap!  And if we're SURPRISED with something positive, we'll feel more intense feelings of happiness or joy than we normally would.  So, even if some of us would hate SURPRISES, let's admit that there are SURPRISING insights about SURPRISES worth thinking❗❗❗

Sometimes, You're Better Off with NON-DECISIONS

Sometimes, You're Better Off with NON-DECISIONS

Sometimes, You're Better Off with NON-DECISIONS !   BUT before I get misconstrued, let me qualify that we're NOT encouraging INDECISIVENESS at all.  On the other hand, I can be a self-proclaimed advocate of DECISIVENESS because approximately 95% of the time in my past years, I'll humbly admit that I made FEARLESS DECISIONS not out of cockiness but as INFORMED DECISIONS💠💠💠

To align, let's agree on what NON-DECISIONS really as this involves suppressing challenges to the status quo and suppressing the addition of new issues to an agenda.  Issues then are excluded from an agenda because they are threatening in some direct way OR because of the competition for the limited space for one's agenda📗📙📘

So what's that gap between DECISIONS and NON-DECISIONS?  NON-DECISIONS avoid direct and sometimes even tacit confrontation.  NON-DECISION-MAKING focuses not on such direct use of power BUT on its indirect manifestations.  As such, power can be exercised in the absence of a direct and overt threat.  Psychologists also termed MOBILISATION of BIAS as the primary function of NON-DECISION-MAKING💵💴💷

So, when is a NON-DECISION good enough?  WHEN an imminent one [either FOR or AGAINST] will be worse off than a NON-DECISION.  Classic example is buying something now selling at a BIG DISCOUNT but that item is NOT a MUST-BUY [but a NICE TO BUY] for now but you simply want to take advantage of a hefty discount. BUT at that time, you were facing cash flow issues.  So, why not a NON-DECISION because that leaves you better off than reaching a DECISION❎❎❎

BTW, holding in abeyance DECISIONS does NOT mean you are foregoing with that impending decision BUT simply HOLDING IT IN ABEYANCE [until you can surmise the BEST TIMING to put your foot forward].  So, SOMETIMES, YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITH NON-DECISIONS❗❗❗

When We AGREE To DISAGREE

When We AGREE To DISAGREE

HOW many times have we been at loggerheads with another person, be it your partner/spouse, your work colleague, your family relative, your close friends, your business associates or anyone else for that matter?  Surely you CAN'T count those number of times When We AGREE To DISAGREE [with another one]📙📘📗

If we remember those times in the workplace when we sat with a co-worker unwilling to compromise over a divisive issue, do we agree that it was NOT just exasperating BUT it often results in utter UNPRODUCTIVITY, which is the very last thing anyone wants in a meeting.  And when we face that kind of person stuck within his own paradigm, it will be difficult, if NOT impossible' to make him "TALKABLE"✅✅✅

Now for the realities.  Obviously, when there are 'UNTALKABLE" persons, there will always be "TALKABLE" ones.  And "TALKABLE" ones firmly maintain and articulate their opinions BUT are open to creating new solutions they haven't considered before.  A big part of that puzzle is becoming "TALKABLE" and learning to communicate across a divisive issue❌❌❌

So what's our takeaways here?  First off, STATE YOUR POSITION and that should be articulated in plain and simple terms because it becomes the foundational content of the situation at hand, and every conversation should start with your STATED POSITION as it sets the stage for meaningful discussions📌📌📌

Now for the tough act.  UNCOVER EACH PARTY'S PURPOSE.  Navigating this step can be challenging as individuals often firmly believe in the absolute TRUTH of their OWN narratives.  So, do we want to be HEARD?  OR do we want to be EFFECTIVE?  Do I want to create a bridge OR widen the DIVIDE?   These are the valid considerations if ever there is a potential AGREE to DISAGREE crossroads💎💎💎

Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

Let's face it, EMOTIONS play a critical role in our social interactions and even when it comes to decision-making.  We even present evidence that individuals understand the behavioral effects of EMOTIONS, specifically ANGER, and use them strategically in interactions. So, how do we Turn ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE❓❓❓

French football superstar Zinedine Zidane was the TOAST of French Football way back the late 1990s and in the 2006 World Cup in Berlin, France went up against Italy.  With the score tied 1:1 and the game going into overtime, Marco Materazzi, the Italian defender pulled Zidane's shirt.  Zidane, responded "IF YOU WANT MY SHIRT, I'LL GIVE THIS AFTER THE MATCH".  Materazzi quipped "I'D PREFER YOUR WHORE OF A SISTER".  Zidane lost it and headbutted Materazzi in the chest.  That was the last time Zidane played in the soccer field💊💊💊

BTW, both Zidane and Materazzi will be well remembered more for the headbutt than anything else either did in his career.  Instead of leaving in GLORY as a second-time World Cup champion, Zidane became a parody and Materazzi, a hero.  Talk about Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

So, what happened to Zidane during those few seconds?  Did Materazzi anger him strategically, expecting a strong reaction?  What is clear is that the Italian team's chance of winning the game increased as a result of Materazzi's insult!@#$%?

In a nutshell, FEELINGs OF ANGER have been proven to be important factors in social punishment.  And that ANGERED individuals are more willing to reject offers in an ultimatum bargaining game and consequently make less $$$$$.  ANGER also significantly affects our behavior.  Additionally, people are MORE WILLING to be ANGRY when they expect to face situations that require aggressive behavior.  Turning ANGER to COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE❗❗❗