Expectation Versus Reality

Expectation Versus Reality

Despite the seemingly predictiveness in life, bedlam and confusion continues to be sowed, all because of the disconnect with Expectation Versus Reality.  With social media playing the dual roles both as harbinger and catalyst of things, common outcomes are EXPECTATIONS being either inflated, stretched and sometimes hyped-up and in such instances, studies show that 80% of the time, the actual EXPECTATION does NOT get aligned with the actual REALITY📌📌📌

EXPECTATIONS are what we think will happen while REALITY is what actually transpires.  While we hope that these two will match up, often they DON'T.  This common disparity between EXPECTATION versus REALITY can often lead to feelings of discontentment, frustration and unhappiness.  So, we should be focused how to fix and mitigate the risk of EXPECTATIONS that can lead to feelings of disappointment when REALITY does NOT measure up💎💎💎

So, how can we handle EXPECTATIONS, those beliefs that will hold about the outcomes of events.  And while these EXPECTATIONS can play an important role in determining what happens and may contribute to goal-directed behavior, they can also lead to disappointment when REALITY does NOT match up to WHAT we had hoped to happen💊💊💊

Now let's pause for a while and identify the tell-tale signs that we are having EXPECTATIONS.  WHEN you anticipate a certain outcome.  WHEN you hold a vision in your mind of how things will play out.  WHEN having a set idea of what you want or need from a situation.  Problem is, sometimes, we end up so attached to our EXPECTATIONS that we are unable to to see the reality of our situation up front✅✅✅

To quote William Shakespeare, the famous English playwright, 'EXPECTATION IS THE ROOT OF ALL HEARTACHE'.  Where Shakespeare is coming from, it's because many EXPECTATIONS are NOT realistic enough to cause undue stress when EXPECTATIONS do NOT match with REALITY.  To recap, our EXPECTATIONS in life may be unrealistic and skewed based on what we think others have.  We need to realize the gap between EXPECTATION and REALITY because our perspective of others is limited and biased❗❗❗

When The Luster Is Lost [With BURNOUT]

When The Luster Is Lost [With BURNOUT]

Way back my very first job with the Multinational SHELL Group, my Dutch boss admitted not extending his term [which was his option] in his cross-posting assignment at that time due to 'BURNOUT', that term introduced by Dr Herbert Freudenberger.  As defined, BURNOUT equates to exhaustion, detachment, paranoia and sometimes depression.  That's When The Luster Is Lost [which often happens unnoticed]📌📌📌

The results of Dr Freudenberger's studies proved that while most of his premium clients had once pursued life with vigor, excitement and optimism, over time, their passion had been DULLED, in some cases, killed by what he called a 'DEMON BORN OF THE SOCIETY AND TIMES WE LIVE IN'.  The results showed that his clients manifested disengagement, disenchantment and being uninvolved even when surrounded by family and friends.  They began to view their jobs as draining and unrewarding💊💊💊

For many, life seemed to have LOST ITS MEANING.  Sounds familar?  It should.  Sadly, the world we live in today is that similar.  That recent pandemic, financial woes, health issues, endless stress, all these are taking its heavy toll on the minds and bodies of our best and brightest💎💎💎

So, where do we start?  Let's develop an ability to pre-empt and detect how BURNOUT stems out from nowhere.  Apparently, BURNOUT is a chronic condition, something a person has been working toward over a period of weeks, months or years.  Now, the burning question, who will most likely fall prey to BURNOUT?  Sadly, studies show that the most prone are, IRONICALLY, decent individuals who have striven hard to reach a goal✅✅✅

Lifting from the studies, the most common symptoms to BURNOUT include exhaustion , detachment and boredom that is bordering on cynicism.  Topping the list includes impatience, heightened irritability, a sense of OMNIPOTENCE, and that constant suspicion of being unappreciated.  So what's our FIXes?  First off, be sharp enough to detect that you seem to be in that direction of BURNOUT.  Next off, be Xtra of all possible manifestations.  And at the core of things. reassess your situation and craft an ACTION PLAN, even if that may end up to be a drastic one [as long as it fixes your BURNOUT]❗❗❗

Problems Can Be 'HAPPY PROBLEMS'

Problems Can Be 'HAPPY PROBLEMS'

C'mon, let us NOT shun off PROBLEMS because Problems Can Be 'HAPPY PROBLEMS', so WHY shun it off?  Frankly, i have had my fair share of problems in my life but I'll swear that approximately half of all my problems in life were HAPPY ones.  To say that we're living through challenging times sounds both a cliche and an understatement.  BUT when we look back at our lives, it is usually the most difficult challenges that gave us a new perspective or even grow the most💎💎💎

Of course, in the midst of a crisis, we really DON'T feel that way.  But we are always taught with coping mechanisms during those difficult times, enough to turn around problems to become HAPPY ones.  Besides our common sense approach, psychologists are pitching for POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY, which is all about opening to what is happening, cultivating and even savoring the GOOD in our life.  If we develop that habit of COUNTING OUR BLESSINGS, we may be better able to appreciate the POSITIVE ASPECTS of life that remain even after a painful event like a job loss or an untimely death📌📌📌

So, how exactly can problems become HAPPY ones?  First off, psychologists recommend that practice of PURPOSELY FOCUSING your attention to the present moment and accepting it WITHOUT any judgment.  In practical terms, we are advised to SHARE SOME KINDNESS because research shows that people who volunteer their time tend to be happier than those who DON'T💊💊💊

Two decades back, while I had to manage and contain my own challenges in life, I volunteered as a Probation Officer with the Singapore Ministry of Culture and Development.  And It was during that phase when I realized my appreciation of having seen myself concretely helping someone else to be extricated from his plight.  The results DIDN'T happen overnight but by the time my Probatee completed the program, no less than his parents admitted to me that he has changed❗❗❗

In the midst of our problems, we will be akin to someone who does NOT know the basics of swimming but has been thrown out in the ocean.  While survival is key, if you have embedded in yourself that sense of gratefulness that you're alive and given the chance to survive, that puts you one foot in. And when you spin around to gain momentum, that's when PROBLEMS CAN BE HAPPY PROBLEMS✅✅✅

Time For HOPE, Time For ACCEPTANCE

Time For HOPE, Time For ACCEPTANCE

HOPE and ACCEPTANCE are NO Siamese Twins.  In fact, they are poles apart BUT they are intertwined in life for what it is. Time For HOPE, Time For ACCEPTANCE is like the harbinger of truth such that they are two paths that follow a LOSS.  BUT both paths can help us continue to live and grow.  Just like a 'FINDER' in life, when I lost something, I WON'T leave a single stone unturned as I would exhaust all possible options before I get to conclude that I've done everything I can and that's how far I can go.  So, the biggest question is, deciding between HOPE and ACCEPTANCE.  So, when do we ACCEPT  and when do we HOPE?  If we never HOPE, we lose the opportunity to change ourselves and the world💎💎💎

This reminds me of the rock solid, strong advocates of specific advocacies, civil rights, climate protection, name it, we could come across the strongest advocates in life and what's their commonality?  They all KEEP HOPING rather than ACCEPTING things.  BUT hey, ACCEPTING can get us stuck in the past.  So, HOW do we decide when to ACCEPT and when to HOPE?  Now, the very first ground rule is to HOPE REALISTICALLY.  This is non-negotiable⏳⏳⏳

BTW, let me explain what triggered me to have this as our thread today.  I got this thought when I was watching the NETFLIX movie 'STILLWATER' of Matt Damon.  The whole movie traversed the themes of HOPE and ACCEPTANCE, with unexpected twists leading the characters to transition from HOPE to ACCEPTANCE📌📌📌

With regard HOPE, how much time does it take?  Sometimes, we can keep HOPE alive in a corner of our minds while moving on with life.  When I lost some important facets in my life in the past, I did NOT turn my life upside down.  Rather, I continued to LIVE LIFE and do glance for those streaks of HOPE✅✅✅

In summary, HOPE and ACCEPTANCE are both natural responses once we lost something in life.  Sometimes, we need to embrace one, sometimes the other, sometimes, we got to embrace both.  Although there is no confirmed recipe, if we are honest about the loss and our feelings, we can take the path that will help us to continue to live and grow.  And sometimes, when we least expect it, we'll find what we've lost❗❗❗

Can't Change The Cards We're Dealt

Can't Change The Cards We're Dealt

To say we Can't Change The Cards We're Dealt is simply stating the obvious.  Problem is, many of us are still unaware of this GIVEN.  Fact is, we'll say we Can't Change The Cards We're Dealt is because that's where the balance between LUCK and SKILL in life comes into the equation.  We CAN'T control how fortunate we are, but we can use all the resources at our disposal to the best of our ability💎💎💎

That is WHAT IT IS.  We CAN'T change it.  We just have to decide how we'll respond, how we'll play our 'cards in life'.  Translating this in real life, this means there are many things that happen to us in life that are completely OUT of our CONTROL. Truth, is, we DIDN'T do anything to cause any of those circumstances.  We are then handed quite a metaphorical hand of cards over and over as we go through our life💊💊💊

And it's true, every once in a while, we do strike LUCK and even find ourselves with the ROYAL FLUSH of cards, that highest deck in poker.  Indeed, it is so easy to ignore that RANDOM LUCK involved in our lives when things are going well and when we get to cash in on those JACKPOTS in life.  But more often, we find ourselves staring at a red two and a black seven, and there doesn't seem to be much that we can do with that metaphorical cards that the card dealer handed us📌📌📌

Getting an analogy with health itself, when someone gets diagnosed with cancer, that person DIDN'T do anything to cause that cancer.  It is just a phenomenally bad hand of cards.  Instead, our focus should shift towards taking a 'BAD HAND' and turning and turning it to something positive.  Some heartwarming stories of cancer survivors tell us that they could have holed up in their homes and just waited to die but instead, they decided to live their BEST LIFE ever and maintain an incredibly optimistic attitude for whatever time is remaining✅✅✅

So what's our FIX for this?  #1, leverage on what you have at hand.  That is NO time to sulk or for self-pity.  I had multiple situations in my past when my deck of cards was 'near rubbish' but hell, i told myself that I could be 'BETTER OFF'  than that card player across the table because, who knows, if my deck is 'near rubbish-like', his is 'absolutely rubbish-like'?  Worst thing is when you end up like this dog NOT knowing what he's doing.  Just keep tab of that fact that we CAN'T CHANGE THE CARDS WE'RE DEALT❗❗❗

Life Is Like A Poker Game

Life Is Like A Poker Game

Who says LIFE is LIFE and not comparable to anything else?  I beg to disagree though because Life Is Like A Poker Game.  On the other hand, many people [including myself, once in the past] compared life to CHESS.  Why?  Because I realized that CHESS contains NO hidden information and very little luck.  Whereas POKER in contrast, is a game of incomplete information.  It is, in fact, a game of decision-making under conditions of UNCERTAINTY over time💎💎💎

Valuable information remains hidden in POKER and there is an ELEMENT of LUCK in any outcome.  And now, presto, would you agree that our real world is much closer to POKER than CHESS?  UNCERTAINTY and LUCK take part in the game.  The outcome is a combination of both LUCK and the quality of our decisions under UNCERTAINTY📌📌📌

Thinking in bets starts with recognizing that there are exactly two things that determine how our lives turn out.  First, the quality of our decisions and LUCK.  Learning to recognize the difference between the two is what thinking in bets is all about.  Winning and losing are only loose signals of decision quality.  You can win lucky hands and lose unlucky ones.  We can make the best possible decisions and still NOT get the result we want.  Improving decision quality is about increasing our chances of good outcomes, and NOT guaranteeing them instead✅✅✅

Whilst I know only the basics of POKER, it all boils down to tossing up a coin.  Flip it, there can only be two possibilities, whether you end up winning or losing.  Forget about being a fence-fitter because life was NEVER designed for a deadlock, an impasse.  And like POKER, life means NOT playing out with what you DON'T have but instead, eking out the best possible strengths and exercising it at the right time💊💊💊

Thinking in bets starts with recognizing that there are exactly two things that determine HOW our lives turn out, namely the quality of our DECISIONS and luck.  So what makes a great DECISION?  What needs to be clear is that that does NOT require a great outcome.  A great DECISION is the result of a good PROCESS.  Like it or NOT, we got to learn the rudiments of POKER, dude✅✅✅

Why Not Go From UNDERDOG to TOP DOG?

Why Not Go From UNDERDOG to TOP DOG?

Oh oooops, before I get caught cornered, allow me to clarify that there is NOTHING wrong to be an UNDERDOG. I myself, for so long, I was an UNDERDOG a zillion times and I credit all those times I was an UNDERDOG because that led me to ask myself this challenge question:  Why Not Go From UNDERDOG to TOP DOG❓❓❓

Much as we all dream to be a TOP DOG, perhaps the greatest threat to an UNDERDOG is to become a TOP DOG.  The story of revolting against a tyrant no longer fits.  This narrative shift will always be a challenge for us.  But being the UNDERDOG imbues our daily work with meaning.  A business without an external threat has nothing to push against.  From a personal perspective, even as we speak now, I strongly believe that my days of being an UNDERDOG served me well because I would NOT have gone this far unless I really earned my spurs as an UNDERDOG through and through✅✅✅

Not to discourage one from going from an UNDERDOG to a TOP DOG, they are often the victims of their own complacency [and sometimes arrogance].  They seem cannot remember a time WHEN they weren't on TOP.  They cannot seem to imagine a future WHERE they're second or third.  Somehow, being a TOP DOG is inextricably linked to one's identity💎💎💎

But NOT to badmouth TOP DOGs, their grave mistake is to look down on the UNDERDOG.  Sadly, there are stories, albeit outlier, wherein TOPDOGS suddenly collapsed back to become UNDERDOGS.  But those outlier stories will be reserved for another day because our thread for today is to enlighten many others who still tag themselves as UNDERDOGS as we speak now.  To reset expectations, the road to travel from being an UNDERDOG to become a TOP DOG is a long, arduous road to trek, with 'land mines' all over the place⏳⏳⏳

The best part of that long journey from being an UNDERDOG to a TOPDOG are the experiences that will reinforce and fix up those chinks in your 'armor', those moments where you fell flat on your face and had to struggle picking up the pieces. After you're able to wiggle out your way towards your goals to leave behind your UNDERDOG days behind you, there won't be a tinge of regret because you WON'T have gone that far without being an UNDERDOG 📌📌📌

Cut From The Same Cloth?

Cut From The Same Cloth?

How often we heard  a specific person is judged as being one Cut From The Same Cloth?  Likely NOT too often but when we do, it would refer to people who probably share similar backgrounds, lineage, culture, traditions or specifically, coming from the same family or kinship.  Supposedly, this expression Cut From The Same Cloth does NOT deserve a space in our thread today but alas, this expression has been overly used or abused, to be precise.  When the son or daughter falters on a specific gold, the lame excuse is that the involved person is Cut From The Same Cloth [as his parents/kinship].  When someone falls short of achieving something, our lame excuse is that the person Cut From The Same Cloth, so that explains his shortfall in his/her capabilities💎💎💎

When a child's academic performance has been worsening because of the low ratings in the Math subject, the child will be immediately 'rescued' by stating he's Cut From The Same Cloth as his parents who are NOT good in Math as well.  When someone goes into business and it flourishes, whoah everyone wants to ride on his coattails [of success] by claiming he's Cut From The Same Cloth as his parents who are proven successful entrepreneurs.  When one is short-tempered and struggles with his ANGER MANAGEMENT, oh he's Cut From The Same Cloth [as his dad]💊💊💊

But frankly, all these innuendoes are fallacies no less.  How can people be suddenly get cloned on the basis of one's failure or success?  We may share values and cultural norms BUT that does NOT carry over to impact the capabilities of a person.  WHY?  Because we live our own lives and whether we succeed or fail, to state they're Cut From The Same Cloth does NOT hold water📌📌📌

From the time I managed to have the gumption to step out of our home and take the plunge by trying my luck in my country's main capital city, I knew that whether I prosper or falter, it will be either to my own credit or shortfall.  I knew that I had to summon all my skills and capabilities for even myself to have that china man's chance at all✅✅✅

But the challenging question is, as to why till as we speak today, people have that propensity to invoke that misplaced expression that when you fall short, you're likely CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH?  Why is it many in today's generation seem shielded and protected from the rigors of life? It's because the misplaced belief that we are CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH continues to hover over us❗❗❗

In Deep Water, You Need A 'LIFELINE'

In Deep Water, You Need A 'LIFELINE'

Generally in life, we should be fine to be standing on our own feet.  But again, as there is NO Superman, sometimes, when In Deep Water, You Need A 'LIFELINE' not by choice but by necessity and based on the circumstances. Sadly, some of us are so confident [a.k.a. cocky] to believe that they DON'T need a LIFELINE.  But again, all things being equal, NO ONE can be on his own when in DEEP WATER💎💎💎

WHY is accepting HELP so hard?  C'mon, everything starts with us asking for HELP.  But how come there seems to be hump people need to hurdle when all they need to do is accept [wholeheartedly] the HELP extended?  We agree that receiving HELP can trigger feelings of shame💊💊💊

Learning to accept HELP requires, among other things, the willingness to drop the idea that one is a 'BURDEN' if they do.  Accepting HELP and generosity can bring out a caring response in others, and lead to deeper emotional closeness.  True, all of us have that longing to be the recipient of caring gestures and offerings that express thoughtfulness and sensitivity to what we need.  However, many of us also experience a certain level of discomfort around when receiving because, even as it may benefit us and be what we wish for, it also challenges us.  Too often, we have grown up believing that the LESS WE ASK for, the better.  Feeling of being a burden or imposition can lead us to avoid accepting things in general📌📌📌

As a result, we are often confused by our conflicted responses to receiving.  So, why is accepting HELP so hard?  These complicated reactions to receiving can partly stem from our attachment history.  Our early attachments HELP shape how we relate to others and how we expect others to relate to us.  Psychologists claim that if we experienced an insecure pattern of attachment, we may feel LESS TRUSTING or secure in our adult relationships✅✅✅

This poster says it all:  UNFORTUNATELY, YOU CAN'T HELP PEOPLE WHO WON'T PARTICIPATE IN THEIR OWN RESCUE.  So how do we challenge our discomfort around accepting help?  In order to accept HELP and even be willing to ask for assistance, we would have to abandon an adaptation that felt necessary for survival when we were HELPLESS. When we allow people to be kind to us, we feel closer to them and they feel closer to us.  Think about it, we need HELP as much as others may need our HELP along the way❗❗❗

Hitting A Wall You Can't Get Past

Hitting A Wall You Can't Get Past

How often have we gone through that situation when we think we had it all together, then suddenly one day, you realize you DON'T.  We would sometimes think we already have the best in front of us, a road we selected sometime back, presumably with no detours and then suddenly you're Hitting A Wall You Can't Get Past.  It can be discouraging when your best laid plans go awry but that wall is one you can bounce back from📌📌📌

Sometimes, it can seem impossible to bounce back because it can seem like this dead-end is permanent.  Well folks, it is NOT.  It's time for us to refocus our ambitions, our love life, our story, whatever ails us and to remake ourself.  Truth is, we have WHAT IT TAKES inside us.  We have everything we need RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, to abandon the path we were on and create a newer and better one.  We need to realize something that is often buried under the bushel of oblivion, that is, the light within us is meant to be seen, especially when it is that dark💎💎💎

When talking about things to remember when we hit that WALL IN LIFE, it is important to understand what HITTING THE WALL actually is.  Technically, it means for an athlete to suddenly get hurt significantly such that he/she cannot be competitive enough, NOT until the athlete gets past that injury.  If we consider life as a race and all of us as athletes, then HITTING THE WALL in life would be to come across such instances and obstacles that derail us from our path📌📌📌

It is not debatable that we HIT A WALL in life when we are unable to make progress or move forward with something.  That inability can be physical such as losing a limb [oh no, please], having a bad injury etc.  It is critical that we know when we HIT A WALL so that we can avoid feelings of overwhelm, burnout OR failure.  Spotting the signs early can help us make better decisions and deal with that issue objectively✅✅✅

What's our FIX?  Be on the lookout for those tell-tale signs, e.g. disinterest and loss of faith in something you have been engaging, disturbed sleeping patterns, that feeling of failure and anxiety of NOT meeting expectations OR that labored breathing and sometimes that heavy feeling on your chest OR that emotional breakdown when you end up frequently crying when you're unable to perform a task.  The thing is, never accept a situation when you're hitting a wall you can't get past.  Because you got to get past through it, whatever it takes, at all cost❗❗❗