Je Ne Sais Quoi

Je Ne Sais Quoi  

Je Ne Sais Quoi.  My apologies, I am trying to feign that I am a French bilingual because my French can be literally counted on my fingers [say it, Oui, Merci, Bonjour, that's all] but what Je Ne Sais Quoi means is that, there is 'something in you' that gives that positive impression about you.  Now, let's swing back into our lives and ask ourselves, is there something within us that seems undefinable or unquantifiable but it's something that lures people to you?  More often, you yourself will be hard pressed to figure out what's your Je Ne Sais Quoi.

Look back through the years.  Surely, someone or several folks did admire or appreciate you but for reasons they are unable to articulate why they reached that point of admiring or appreciating you.  Could be in school before.  Did you had teachers/professors from whom you felt  you were treated quite favorably?  Or when you were that dazzling Lothario many years ago, when girls were enamored just with your presence?  Or at work, do you remember those times when you seemed to be the 'subtle pet' of your boss?  Or at the very least, you were the 'GO TO' guy of your boss.  Each its time he needed help, you were his 'GO TO' guy.  Or if you were an upstart entrepreneur, why were customers converging towards your business?

So what's our magic word? It is COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE no less.  When this jargon came out of nowhere, the misconception was that COMPETIVE ADVANTAGE was all about businesses,  No sirrrrs.  We ourselves, as we compete in our rat race, we need to have our COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE as much as business need.  If you are not galvanizing COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE as our need, we got some homework cut out for us right now.

COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE means standing out from the crowd or from a crowded room.  If you're job-hunting, you can bet, there could be five hundred applicants for a solitary job.  So  how can you stand out from that mammoth crowd?  That's a question you got to figure out.  But how?  Look back and face the mirror?  What's your forte?  What's your card of ace up in your sleeve?  What's your bargaining chip?  Why do you deserve to be picked up from the rest?

You can ask me.  What happens if you DON'T have that COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE?  Simple.  At best, at most, you will end up somewhere in midstream.  Bluntly, you will be neither here nor there.  But hey, that's not the end result we want, right?  So, go for that COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE✅✅✅

What FEAR & PANIC Bring?

What FEAR & PANIC Bring?

What FEAR & PANIC Bring?  Hmmm, must be a lot!  Let's start with the ABCD's.  ANXIETY.  BEDLAM.  CONFUSION.  DEJECTION.  And it does not end up there because that litany can go on till 'Z'.   In short, that's the last thing we ever need to happen.  But the bigger challenge we need to answer is, how to manage once we're into those scenarios and better, how can we avert it.

Let's start off in a reactive mode.  How do we handle FEAR and PANIC.  First off with FEAR.  Many of us have our bunch of FEARS that seem to choke us around our neck just like that albatross.  But what's unfortunate is that most of us [wrongly] think and feel that those FEARS we now have are there to stay.  Absolutely OFF and WRONG.  Instead, we should be figuring out to overcome such fears and the simplest antidote to FEAR is to ignore it and just move on with your life.

Once we get caught up with all our FEARS, ending up paralyzed [at least mentally] is the next thing that happens.  And what comes next is you start to feel immobile.  You feel stalled.  You feel you can't move forward.  Why?  Because you have yet to IGNORE those FEARS.  Can you do a 'hard reboot' similar to the way our gadgets are revived when it hits the wall?

We DON'T want to get stalled in life, right?  But what stalls us?  Blame it on FEAR and PANIC over and over again.  DUMP away those FEARS but as regards PANIC, this is more the effect than the cause.  PANIC arises more as a result of our behavior.  Note that the same circumstances can be replicated across and trust me, you can be in a state of PANIC but the guy next to you remains as cool as a cucumber.

This covid pandemic is the best example.  It did sow FEAR and PANIC everywhere and it took the global village close to two years to overcome it.  Why did it drag to two long agonizing years?  It is because FEAR and PANIC enveloped us all✅✅✅

TO BE RELEVANT, Learn, Re-learn and Un-learn

TO BE RELEVANT, Learn, Re-learn and Un-learn  

Oh you might blurt out, what a boring topic for today if we'll spend time to discuss LEARNING, RELEARNING and UNLEARNING.  Mia culpa, I would admit that LEARNING is simply one of the top boring topics even as we spent fifteen years or more LEARNING anyway.  But hey, this is the twenty first century and life is a rat race, when everyone is grinding and grinding the hardest, when kicking its other's butt has become the norm of the day rather than be taboo.

Now, let me tweak things a bit.  Let's discuss RELEVANCE.  Doesn't that add luster to our discussion today?  Who's not keen anyway to be RELEVANT?  Guess the worst thing we dread to happen is if we end up as IRRELEVANT these days because what that means, to put things bluntly, you then become inutile and simply worthless.

Now, forget the traditional classroom, that's farthest from our mind anyway.  Instead, we'd like to convince the naysayers that LEARNING is a given while RELEARNING is to keep abreast with the flurry of changes whereas UNLEARNING means dumping to the bin anything that's IRRELEVANT now. Any more doubters out there?  Here's our pitch so please fasten your seatbelt.

First off, the most effective way to learn is by DOING it.  Heard of young graduates ambitious enough but they feel they deserve to be managers seating on that swivel chair and simply signing off approvals and giving the imprimaturs?  To hell with that mindset.  That won't work.  Instead, you got to ROLL UP your sleeves.  

Why?  EVERYONE DOES IT and if you DON'T do it, you loose that opportunity to LEARN the practical way.  BTW, learning is 'INTEREST-Powered' as this poster goes.  Now let's talk about MENTAL HEALTH.  Learning KEEPS THE BRAIN ACTIVE. As Learning boost the connections with our brain, our brain then can apply those learnings  Listen, LEARNING makes you a SUREFIRE WINNER!  No downsides. All upsides❗❗❗

Do We Dread DEADLINES?

Do We Dread DEADLINES?

Let me ask this pointed question.  Do We Dread DEADLINES?  Me thinks, we do [and that includes me quite a few times in the past].  Why?  Me thinks because when a deadline is lurking around the corner, what happens next will be pressure compounded by that feeling of being harassed and hounded.  And what exacerbates things is because in most cases, deadlines are NON-NEGOTIABLE.

So, how do we deal then with DEADLINES?  As the old cliche goes, let's pull the bull by its horns because we DON'T want to end up like the hapless matadors in those popular events in Madrid.  Let's face the music.  Can't skirt around it. A hide and seek game won't work.  Where the deadline is unrealistic, haggle and negotiate for a realistic one.  If such timelines is rammed through your throat, at the very least, be transparent enough to the stakeholders that there is a fair chance you can't 'deliver the goods' as per the deadline.   That's a pre-emptive way of initiative a 'damage control' when your one foot seems doomed.

Let's go back to DREAMs.  Per se, we encourage dreaming because that is one of the most positive steps one can initiate.  But hold on, what explains a hell lot of FAILED DREAMS?  Not a simple answer but here's the commonality amongst most FAILED DREAMS.  A huge plurality of FAILED DREAMS didn't have pre-set deadlines and if there was, it was never taken seriously, never coveted, never committed to.  Where does that bring you?  When you keep dreaming with no deadlines at all?  You will be akin to those debris out in the wide expanses of sheets of water where it keeps floating with nary a direction.

In fact, this poster says it all.  SUCCESS loves SPEED, loves that PUSH, loves that ACCELERATION and loves that DEADLINE.  Take away any of these variables from the equation, there's a good [bad, in truth] chance that your envisioned success is doomed to fail.  Call this equation by any name but this formula for success is as common as our basic staples like bread and rice.

Final words.  Please DON'T DREAD DEADLINES.  Instead, let us EMBRACE DEADLINES because that will be the very catalyst that will ignite our engines and get it to accelerate and go for a full throttle.  DEADLINES are there to be egging us to reach out to our goals ON TIME❗❗❗

Are You Your Worst Critic?

Are You Your Worst Critic?

Are You Your Worst Critic?  Often, we're our own worst critic.  When we feel anxious or frustrated, we tend to talk to ourselves more harshly than we'd find acceptable by anyone else.  Harsh statements like 'I blew it', 'I screwed up',  'I miserably failed', 'I fucked up BIG TIME'.  Too bad we seem to wrongly assume that criticism will motivate us to do better.  We become even more of a perfectionist than usual.  Instead of talking to ourselves with self-compassion, we tend to raise our standards for our behavior as a defense against our feelings of DOUBT, ANXIETY or simply utter FRUSTRATION.

How do we deal with this?  From papers and studies I perused, everyone are in unison, that compassionate self-talk is the way to go.  What is it all about?  It starts by using a tone of kindness, recognizing that pain is a universal human experience, taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions that neither suppresses or exaggerates them and expecting yourself to make the best decision, whew!

I myself I got initially lost with self-compassion until I read through studies and they all say that it stars with a GENTLE and SUPPORTIVE NUDGE.  Example, I would ask myself, 'what do I need right now?/  That gives me that flexibility to choose who's most self-compassionate in a given situation.  And then, since sometimes I may be prone to worry and micromanage everything, a message like TRUST THE PROCESS for a while can help me let go.  Other times, greater self-discipline seems to be the kinder thing to do.

How can we get better at compassionate self-talk?  First, control the conversation 'IN YOUR HEAD' and then reframe it positively in a way that feels natural and authentic to you.  When sometimes you tend to be rehashing past decisions, this just tells us to start practicing self-compassion. Another recommended trick is for us to pay attention to what others say that kind of soothes us.  Incorporate what they say into your SELF-TALK.  Hearing their words in your head might help you let go of control and perfectionism.  Listen to your emotions to understand messages you feel better.

What else?  PLAN AHEAD.  Come up with a half-dozen common scenarios in which you think compassionate SELF-TALK would help you make better decisions.  Lastly, never forget to ASK FOR HELP.  Remember your scenarios will be personal to you and if you're stuck, you can tap a therapist [or a friend emotionally skilled enough].  Let's be KINDER TO OURSELVES📌📌📌

How Can We Handle 35,000 DECISIONS a Day ?

How Can We Handle 35,000 DECISIONS a Day ?

Do you believe this?  That we handle an average of 35,000 DECISIONS a day?  This is neither an exaggeration nor hyperbole.  Go and 'google' it now.   You can be one who's laidback, idle and even probably just a retiree swaying on that rocking chair but DON'T underestimate them because they are still struggling with thousands of decisions a day, whew.

Two days back, I attended an engagement guesting Francis Kong, a multi-awardee and recognized international motivational speaker across industries and he asked everyone as to what is the average number of decisions we have to deal on a daily basis.  Whew, it's 35,000!  Mind boggling but this is the latest realization we need to deal with.  Waking up is no mean feat as we have to hurdle 35,000 decisions!

Can you imagine that?  From the time our alarm buzzes out, there comes our very first decision, whether we should click 'snooze' so you can get back to your unfinished dreams?  The past years, researches have shown related to the limits of our decision-making energies.  Ooooops, our capability is NOT being questioned here but instead, it's our energy-level.  And it turns out that the quality of our decisions begin to erode during the course of a typical day.  Do note that we're referring to a 'typical' day and not to those outliers where either you are medically ill or you are in the middle of a nationwide barnstorming across multiple locations.  Why is this so?  Simple.  As the day progresses, our FIXED AMOUNT of WILLPOWER is used up.

Sharing this chart from www.lifeskilladvocate.com.  And this chart says it all.  Children go around the 3,000 daily average whereas us adults, 35,000 is the median for decision points.  So what researchers have proved yet?  It's that decision-making power is a DEPLETABLE RESOURCE.

Unfortunately, most of the decisions we need to make are not X's and O's, not the YES or NO stuff sprinkled with MAYBEs.  A big chunk are intricate and complex webs of variables which when pieced together, even the top-tier math wizard will just go dizzy.  Instead, how do we prepare handling 35,000 decision points a day?  First, THROW the garbage.  Not all decision points need to be made.  Secondly, PRIORITIZE.  Thirdly, do an apples-to-apples comparison between options and iterations.  Lastly when you seem more confused, tap your helpline.  Seek guidance from your partner/spouse or from your mentor, coach or close and trusted friends.  NEVER BE AN ISLAND ❗❗❗

Is Randomness Controlling Your Life ?

Is Randomness Controlling Your Life ?

Is Randomness Controlling Your Life ?  If it is, then we've got a talking point.  But if ever you perceive that randomness is NOT controlling your life, then you're much better off than the rest of us.  Question that might baffle the confused.  Why the hell should we spend time dissecting randomness?  Simple.  A huge percentage of failures in life can be attributed to randomness as contributing to the very root cause that led to that failure itself.

Oh, what is randomness by the way?  As per Mr Webster, it is when things are happening or chosen ;without a method' or a 'conscious decision'.  Are we now a bit more enlightened?  Because frankly, I would admit, many times in my life before,  randomness seemed to be ontrolling my life.  And if you ask me, what happened next?  Oh geesh, at one point, my life was akin to a train wreck' no less.  How can you fathom situations where you 'LOST by DEFAULT'?

Can you imagine yourself, you are into decision points in your life but in a classic case of indecision, for whatever reason, you didn't come up with a decision but instead left things at the mercy of 'randomness'.  And what's the consequence when we leave things that way without lifting any finger?  It's 'anything goes'.  Whether we end up with the sky or the ground, if we left things to end up via randomness, that is NOT the path we want to encourage you to take.

Oh, we DON'T want to be that particular dot in that mammoth, that speck of dust that leaves things to chance, to randomness.  Pitifully, I have seen lives where the family breadwinner himself, when prodded as to what are his plans, he simply blurted, 'I'm waiting for Dubai opportunities'.  Whew.

So, how do we get back on track?  NOT simple but NOT too complex either.  Truth is, controlling your life does NOT mean you need to control everything that happens.  It means confidently moving forward with your own goals and priorities while embracing change as an inevitable part of life.  So how can you take back your life? THROW RANDOMNESS away✅✅✅

DON'T Just Grind in the PRESENT

DON'T Just Grind in the PRESENT

Who says we should focus with the PRESENT?  YES and NO.  We should focus on the PRESENT but we should NOT focus on it SOLELY.  That's the mouse-trap we all get trapped in life.  Starting from school till we leave our school's portals and till we finally become full-time workers, we're told over and over again to focus on the PRESENT.  Problem is, we have embraced that guideline literally to the extent that we end up missing the equally important side of life.  

Why oh Why. You might challenge me for sowing more confusion in you now, ending up to mess up things instead of tidying and sorting things out.  But we all need to align on the same page that getting glued 100% with the present leaves 0% of our focus for the next day, the next month, the next years in fact.  In the end, we are missing the other critical phase of our life when we should NOT Just Grind in the PRESENT

Have you been through those trying times when you've tried everything to improve your life but nothing changes?  Frustration ensues then simply because you're unable to resolve the situation.  Now for the good news.  Do you know that getting stuck is just PERCEPTION?  And that it does NOT represent reality itself?  But for the flip side of things, feeling stuck is a sign something needs to change in your life.  

And the key to overcome this dilemma is to DISTANCE YOURSELF from the drame to gain a wider perspective.  that's why TAKING A BREAK is that useful and practical in life because you perceive your problem with a new and refreshed mindset in fact.  To quote Albert Einstein: "YOU CAN'T SOLVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SAME LEVEL OF THINKING THAT CREATED IT".  What he meant was that he was referring to developing a higher perspective to solve a problem formed by OUTDATED THINKING.

Truth is, you need a new paradigm to conquer being stuck especially with the PRESENT.  Otherwise, you approach your difficulties with quite an obsolete thinking.  And the harder you try the less you are likely to see results due to a change in conditions that have now progressed.  Lest you forget this mantra, DON'T Just Grind in the PRESENT✅✅✅

Fear Leads to IRRATIONAL Decisions

Fear Leads to IRRATIONAL Decisions

Let's admit it.  It just happens to be our human nature where we are amenable to discuss anything under the sun EXCEPT Fear.  Why?  Probably it seems taboo?  Or it sounds irrelevant at that point in time simply because  FEAR does not seem to prevail or hover around us.  Or is it simply because we do NOT have the antidote to finally nail down with the right dose of medicine when FEAR leads us to IRRATIONAL Decisions.

To quote American Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron, "FEAR IS A NATURAL REACTION TO MOVING CLOSER TO THE TRUTH".  Too unfortunately, we never see that coming, that we are moving closer to the TRUTH.  In fact, either we are too oblivious or simply unaware that indeed that's happening.  But we have a common denominator, it is those moments or episodes when and where we tend to be squeezed in coming up with a decision deemed crucial enough whichever way the decision goes.

Let's look back those days when we seem to be an emotional wreck.  When you're unsure as to what you should do. Just lots of WHAT IFs.  On the other hand, there are days when our mind would tend to resist all attempts to make any kind of decision at all.  Remember when you were kind of immobilized.  Paralyzed [at least mentally], unable to push that debilitating fear.

Fact is, sometime when we tend to be too reflective [a.k.a. over-analyzer], we decide to DIG DEEP within our self to find the root of that pesky little emotion that seems to be sabotaging our efforts to move forward, to whichever direction, for that matter.  Interestingly enough, I have realized in life that this brand of fear directly coincides with our decisions to live a more purposefully centered life.

But hey, if we're struggling with that fear to go off for a long deserved holiday in Maldives all by our self, MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR EMOTIONS because emotions can let you know what's important to you.  It can prompt us to take some action.  It will guide us as well toward an aspect of yourself that needs to be exposed and healed.  If there is something to avoid, it is to have that fear that leads us to IRRATIONAL DECISIONS📌📌📌

Don't Be Like a Fish Complaining About Water

Don't Be Like a Fish Complaining About Water

Please DON'T get me wrong. Nothing wrong in complaining because I did my fair share of complaining.  I lodged a complaint by escalating it to the Senior Vice President for Public Relations of a top-tier full service carrier voted as the world's best airline for four years by SkyTrax.  And to be fair to that top-tier carrier, they rewarded me with a free one-way regional fare [when I was homeward-bound at that time.  

But per se, there is just nothing wrong with complaining not until you realize that you are evolving to become a chronic one.  So the question is, DO YOU COMPLAIN TOO MUCH?  Whether while commuting, while ordering food over the counter, while driving thru 24/7 counters, while at work or even while at home with your loved ones, with your partner/spouse?

Oh, unless you are akin to that hapless fish about to be preyed by the barracuda?  Otherwise, don't be like a fish complaining about water.  It's not that most people sit around all day pointing out the negative in life.  That's far from it.  Most of us even actively seek to notice and talk about everything we have to be thankful for in life.  We may even frequently share special moments with our loved ones.  But in the end, we still find ourselves complaining more than we need to.  Most of us do need to vent frustrations from time to time, hopefully this is done in the context of solutioning.

True, we need to seek the opinions of those we trust when facing difficult choices or situations.  And that can be positive but it can also often involve sharing stories about problems.  Sometimes that slips into excessive complaining or gossip and oops, that can be a 'slippery slope'.  Point is, we need to be positive, period.  If that rings true to you, let's come up with plan to wiggle out of our foxhole.  

First off, we just need to be aware that we are moving towards being a chronic whiner, complaining here and there.  How do you fight this off?  Studies would often call it "THOUGHT STOPPING", that technique wherein therapists recommend for a variety of issues because it works well.  When an UNDESIRABLE thought enters your head, you literally INTERRUPT it with the mental image of a STOP SIGN and move on to the next thought. Next off, experts call it JOURNALING.  And indeed I've done this at some point before wherein the trick to effective journaling is to write about the problem and your feelings about it and then, brainstorm for solutions and see the positives arising from that situation.

And DON'T forget to seek support.  Social support is a great stress reliever and if you're lucky, you have some supportive people in your life to talk when you're down.  Instead of complaining to them, laugh with them.  If you face a bigger challenge, tell them how you're feeling, seek their thoughts, and then move on to the next topic.  Next time you fill-up the customer survey, it may not be a 1-star anymore.  Just Don't Be Like a Fish Complaining About Water❗❗❗