DON'T Just Grind in the PRESENT

DON'T Just Grind in the PRESENT

Who says we should focus with the PRESENT?  YES and NO.  We should focus on the PRESENT but we should NOT focus on it SOLELY.  That's the mouse-trap we all get trapped in life.  Starting from school till we leave our school's portals and till we finally become full-time workers, we're told over and over again to focus on the PRESENT.  Problem is, we have embraced that guideline literally to the extent that we end up missing the equally important side of life.  

Why oh Why. You might challenge me for sowing more confusion in you now, ending up to mess up things instead of tidying and sorting things out.  But we all need to align on the same page that getting glued 100% with the present leaves 0% of our focus for the next day, the next month, the next years in fact.  In the end, we are missing the other critical phase of our life when we should NOT Just Grind in the PRESENT

Have you been through those trying times when you've tried everything to improve your life but nothing changes?  Frustration ensues then simply because you're unable to resolve the situation.  Now for the good news.  Do you know that getting stuck is just PERCEPTION?  And that it does NOT represent reality itself?  But for the flip side of things, feeling stuck is a sign something needs to change in your life.  

And the key to overcome this dilemma is to DISTANCE YOURSELF from the drame to gain a wider perspective.  that's why TAKING A BREAK is that useful and practical in life because you perceive your problem with a new and refreshed mindset in fact.  To quote Albert Einstein: "YOU CAN'T SOLVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SAME LEVEL OF THINKING THAT CREATED IT".  What he meant was that he was referring to developing a higher perspective to solve a problem formed by OUTDATED THINKING.

Truth is, you need a new paradigm to conquer being stuck especially with the PRESENT.  Otherwise, you approach your difficulties with quite an obsolete thinking.  And the harder you try the less you are likely to see results due to a change in conditions that have now progressed.  Lest you forget this mantra, DON'T Just Grind in the PRESENT✅✅✅

Fear Leads to IRRATIONAL Decisions

Fear Leads to IRRATIONAL Decisions

Let's admit it.  It just happens to be our human nature where we are amenable to discuss anything under the sun EXCEPT Fear.  Why?  Probably it seems taboo?  Or it sounds irrelevant at that point in time simply because  FEAR does not seem to prevail or hover around us.  Or is it simply because we do NOT have the antidote to finally nail down with the right dose of medicine when FEAR leads us to IRRATIONAL Decisions.

To quote American Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron, "FEAR IS A NATURAL REACTION TO MOVING CLOSER TO THE TRUTH".  Too unfortunately, we never see that coming, that we are moving closer to the TRUTH.  In fact, either we are too oblivious or simply unaware that indeed that's happening.  But we have a common denominator, it is those moments or episodes when and where we tend to be squeezed in coming up with a decision deemed crucial enough whichever way the decision goes.

Let's look back those days when we seem to be an emotional wreck.  When you're unsure as to what you should do. Just lots of WHAT IFs.  On the other hand, there are days when our mind would tend to resist all attempts to make any kind of decision at all.  Remember when you were kind of immobilized.  Paralyzed [at least mentally], unable to push that debilitating fear.

Fact is, sometime when we tend to be too reflective [a.k.a. over-analyzer], we decide to DIG DEEP within our self to find the root of that pesky little emotion that seems to be sabotaging our efforts to move forward, to whichever direction, for that matter.  Interestingly enough, I have realized in life that this brand of fear directly coincides with our decisions to live a more purposefully centered life.

But hey, if we're struggling with that fear to go off for a long deserved holiday in Maldives all by our self, MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR EMOTIONS because emotions can let you know what's important to you.  It can prompt us to take some action.  It will guide us as well toward an aspect of yourself that needs to be exposed and healed.  If there is something to avoid, it is to have that fear that leads us to IRRATIONAL DECISIONS📌📌📌

Don't Be Like a Fish Complaining About Water

Don't Be Like a Fish Complaining About Water

Please DON'T get me wrong. Nothing wrong in complaining because I did my fair share of complaining.  I lodged a complaint by escalating it to the Senior Vice President for Public Relations of a top-tier full service carrier voted as the world's best airline for four years by SkyTrax.  And to be fair to that top-tier carrier, they rewarded me with a free one-way regional fare [when I was homeward-bound at that time.  

But per se, there is just nothing wrong with complaining not until you realize that you are evolving to become a chronic one.  So the question is, DO YOU COMPLAIN TOO MUCH?  Whether while commuting, while ordering food over the counter, while driving thru 24/7 counters, while at work or even while at home with your loved ones, with your partner/spouse?

Oh, unless you are akin to that hapless fish about to be preyed by the barracuda?  Otherwise, don't be like a fish complaining about water.  It's not that most people sit around all day pointing out the negative in life.  That's far from it.  Most of us even actively seek to notice and talk about everything we have to be thankful for in life.  We may even frequently share special moments with our loved ones.  But in the end, we still find ourselves complaining more than we need to.  Most of us do need to vent frustrations from time to time, hopefully this is done in the context of solutioning.

True, we need to seek the opinions of those we trust when facing difficult choices or situations.  And that can be positive but it can also often involve sharing stories about problems.  Sometimes that slips into excessive complaining or gossip and oops, that can be a 'slippery slope'.  Point is, we need to be positive, period.  If that rings true to you, let's come up with plan to wiggle out of our foxhole.  

First off, we just need to be aware that we are moving towards being a chronic whiner, complaining here and there.  How do you fight this off?  Studies would often call it "THOUGHT STOPPING", that technique wherein therapists recommend for a variety of issues because it works well.  When an UNDESIRABLE thought enters your head, you literally INTERRUPT it with the mental image of a STOP SIGN and move on to the next thought. Next off, experts call it JOURNALING.  And indeed I've done this at some point before wherein the trick to effective journaling is to write about the problem and your feelings about it and then, brainstorm for solutions and see the positives arising from that situation.

And DON'T forget to seek support.  Social support is a great stress reliever and if you're lucky, you have some supportive people in your life to talk when you're down.  Instead of complaining to them, laugh with them.  If you face a bigger challenge, tell them how you're feeling, seek their thoughts, and then move on to the next topic.  Next time you fill-up the customer survey, it may not be a 1-star anymore.  Just Don't Be Like a Fish Complaining About Water❗❗❗

Decluttering Opinion

Decluttering Opinion

Who says that we need to blame this stubborn pandemic for triggering the need for decluttering?  Who claims that prior to pandemic, decluttering was not even a talking point?  All these are straight away fictional because as far back as we got to live in this planet, a kibitzer or busybody will always be around us, and that includes well-meaning people with the best intentions to share their opinion to you, albeit unsolicited.  And DON'T get me wrong, people close to you do deserve to be heard, to be given that attention once they start sharing even when you least expected.  Why do you need to lend them an ear? Simple.  They have the best intentions for you.

But other than people we trust including our own family members, expect the expected.  Any Tom, Dick and Harry may never stop offloading to you his/her bottomless pit of opinion.  And guess the end result?  Likely, you may end up in a "P.A." mode a.k.a. 'paralyzed analysis.  Seriously, that is the common end-result when we are literally 'bombarded with tons of opinions that you end up fixated till you hear the next opinion coming.

Instead, don't we envision ourselves in the same shoes of this relaxed lady just biding her time on her sofa?  She just seems so decluttered and instead, so focused at the TV program she's glued at.  So, what are the tricks so that a busybody and kibitzer will hardly unnecessarily eat up your time and worse, leading you to ill-advised decisions?  It does not take a rocket science for us to figure things out though.

Simple.  SEPARATE THE GRAIN FROM THE CHAFF.  While this is no less an idiomatic expression, let us break this down in layman's terms.  Simply put, let us be capable to detect the substance from the non-substantial, the meat from the bones, the core versus the shells, the relevant versus the irrelevant, the sincere souls versus the strangers, the serious stuff versus the hollowed ones.  Even amongst friends or one's so called 'cordon sanitaire', you still need to set apart the helpful ones versus the disruptive ones.

What is it we want to achieve here?  Simple.  An environment which and where you are in FULL CONTROL of, at least for those controllable.  The right jars at the right nook, the right canister at the right pigeon hole.  With opinions, DON'T waste time to rubbish the crap and do give value to the sensible stuff.  At the end of the day, you got take reins to start decluttering opinions around📌📌📌

Are Your Wings CLIPPED ?

Are Your Wings CLIPPED ?

How many times in life when you wanted to fly but it seemed as your wings were CLIPPED?  Now guess what happens next?  Your guess is as good as mine.  And likely, when our wings get clipped, what could have happened?  Absolutely nothing.  But if you were able to take off or initiate an attempt, likely that attempt failed or got aborted.  All simply because your wings were CLIPPED

Oh well, what does it exactly mean when your wings are CLIPPED?  You could be a diligent student and you have your [proven] way of getting ready for your next day exams.  Yet, in the middle of your studies, your parent or elder sibling walks in and literally dictates upon you what and how should you study.  Or you could be a diligent worker and during operations, you have identified improvement areas and wanted to initiate or introduce an innovation yet you're just fully aware of the ground rule at work which disallows any one to ever initiate or introduce any innovation except to hue to the operations manual.

Imagine yourself or your neck struggling to move forward because a huge heavy stone is tied around your neck.  How can you move forward if indeed your wings are CLIPPED? Let's delve into relationships.  How often have you heard a partner or a spouse [MEEKLY] complaining that she really feels suffocated in the relationship because she has to follow a long list of house rules that includes insane ground rules like [hold your breath].... You CAN'T go out of the house till I arrive.  You can't budget our finances unless I instruct you.  You can't decide on anything unless you clear everything to me, whew. 

Why do we need to unclip our wings?  Let me rattle off the reasons why.  First off, you need to LIVE YOUR LIFE.  Even if you are the pet child of your parents, even if you love your partner/spouse way beyond the roof, even if you very deeply respect your parents both as a filial respect and out of your local customs and traditions, please NEVER LOSE SIGHT that you got to LIVE YOUR LIFE because at the end of the day, you need to stand up by decisions you will make in life, regardless if they were the correct or wrong decisions.  In fact, with wrong decisions, you will have to bear the consequences, which will only mold you to be more mature.  There's no better way for you to get matured ❗❗❗

Have You Picked Your POISON Yet?

Have You Picked Your POISON Yet?

Oh, have you picked your POISON yet?  Or are you one of the intransigent minority who simply refuses to recognize that our lifetime is littered with poison around us.  Not your choice.  Not your liking.  But that's simply the very harsh truth.  You could be a student now.  Or an up and coming yuppie worker.  Or someone dead serious to commit for a lifetime .  Or an entrepreneur ends up contemplating whether to fold up his sinking business or take up a bank loan to try resuscitating his failing business.  Or have you heard of that relationship where the battered wife refuses to leave her abusive husband simply because she does not want people to see her relationship ending up as an utter failure.

We got to realize that our lives are structured around making decisions. Everyday we make simple choices and yet bigger decisions [that could probably change our lives or even impact our lives or even our loved ones.  So how do we go about this quandary?  I heard this advice so many times in the past. "FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION".  When we feel stuck or indecisive, it's typically because we are disconnected from ourselves.  When faced with "i DON'T KNOW" stalled points, we need to take a TIME OUT and listen to the 'SILENT WHISPERS' of our soul.  Take a few deep breaths.  Close your eyes and TAP INTO YOUR INTUITION.    

Run each choice through your mind and notice how your body responds.  If you feel contracted or feel a 'pit in your stomach', that is a clear 'NO".  If you feel 'fluttery' [but quite expansive and excited], that's a 'YES' but you're just being stretched out of your comfort zone.  So, GO FOR IT.  To quote Camille Sacco, a renown meditation instructor, MEDITATE and LISTEN to your INNER WISDOM.  Meditate and ask for that guidance from within.  And challenge yourself by asking yourself for the Nth time if that is the answer that will make you proud for you to tell your family or friends.  Note that sometimes, it's not deciding between the devil and the deep blue sea because at times, it's about deciding on two good options, leaving you to discern where are you better off✅✅✅

Reclaiming 'LOST SPACE'

Reclaiming 'LOST SPACE'

Oh, how many of us have lost that 'space' in life which we felt we owned or at the very least, we deserved to have but lost instead?  Need for samplings?  Sure.  How many felt that they can't manage their very own time anymore?  And how about losing that 'proprietary privacy'?  And how's that control to make your very own decisions?  And how about that entrepreneur whose revenues are skyrocketing BUT the bulkof his revenues are just 'RECEIVABLES' impacting his cash flow? Do you now want to Reclaim 'LOST SPACE'?

Unfortunately, we are NOT akin to our compjuter hard disk when all we need to do is run a DISK CLEANUP and run DEFRAG.  Then voila, you have reclaimed 'LOST SPACE'.  In life, it is complex web of layers and silos scattered all over the place which you need to really 'drill and dice' before figuring out how you can reclaim 'LOST SPACE'.  Studies show that 30% fail to reclaim that 'LOST SPACE'.  Why?

Thing is, many of us DON'T realize that doing a balancing act between our own life and our life at work is most crucial because once you tilt lopsidedly the weight on side, your boat can simply overturn and run aground.  In blunt and frank terms, what this means, your life can end up like a 'TRAIN WRECK' unless you are successful enough with your own WORK-LIFE BALANCE.  Just last week, one of my ex-team leads years back reached out to me because of her intent to apply back to our company [when in fact she's now employed as a manager in one of the country's oldest and biggest company.  I asked why she wants to come back?  According to her, it's because of WORK-LIFE BALANCE.  In real terms, she wants to reclaim that 'LOST SPACE'.   

So?  How do you reclaim that 'LOST SPACE'?  First off, recognize that indeed you 'LOST SPACE'.  Unless you recognize and accept that as a problem, no way you'll figure things out.  Next, DO THINGS YOU ENJOY.  There's a time and place to be hard-working.  But you shouldn't be working 24/7, right?  Why let things take over your life?  So how?  Set work limits [unless you're manning 24x7 operations and a major incident is escalated to you].  

When you need to stand up to commitments you made to your family, stand up to it.  How?  'UNPLUG FROM WORK' [unless you're manning 24/7 operations and you got an escalation, oh poor you].  In a nutshell, to reclaim that 'LOST SPACE' is not akin to Mount Everest being too steep and cruel to climb.  All it takes is our WILL POWER, that persistence to get back on track [before you get off-tracked forever] ✅✅✅

Be READY So You DON'T Need To Get READY

Be READY So You DON'T Need To Get READY

Is it worth it to spend time today for us to discuss this 'GETTING READY' thing?  Too bad, many will argue that this is a non-issue because people get ready when they see the need to get ready.  Wrong, off track, invalid reaction.  Too much time have been wasted.  Too much pressure have pushed people against the wall.  Tons of unnecessary effort have been exerted.  Mutiple levels of anxiety endured.  All because it happens when we simply miss out to Be READY when in fact we DIDN'T Need To Get READY for us to be READY.  Instead, we would end up one, two or even ten steps behind.

DON'T look too far.  Just look at those expectant mothers.  Why is it very very rare for us to find expectant mothers running like headless chickens, panicking when they start feeling the labor pains?  Simple.  It's because they are always READY way ahead of those birth pains.  When that do they gain out of that super-advanced preparations ?  When it's time to face the urgency, they DON'T Need To Get READY at all, as in nothing.  What do they gain out of that readiness all the way back?

Of course, you can always opt to take the side of Sponge Bob and share his frustration when he readied up everything for Valentine's Day only to end up with no date.  What did he lose from that?  Obviously frustration creeps in.  But let's turn things around.  If he didn't get ready and his Valentine Day date pops up, won't he feel that pent up pressure that will blow out right on his face, all because he wasn't ready?  Well, there's always that argument. Wouldn't all my efforts go for naught when all the things I readied up turns out of no use?

I remember the years prior to this pandemic, every year we had our collective opportunity as a family to take a memorable vacation at least once a year.  But before that holiday kicks in, myself and my wife spent enormous time and effort.  Budgets and financials is one but the biggest component in getting ready for that annual family holiday are all the logistics and of course, figuring out WHEN is the best time to book the flights and the hotels?

Look no farther than all the successful names in sports.  In NBA, we don't need to mention the big-star names like Lebron James.  Name even the average NBA player.  He spends hours and hours per day, sometimes by himself together with his trainer, honing the areas where he is either weak or even aiming to strengthen his existing forte with the aim of ramping up.  When the buzzer sounds, see how these NBA players go all-out.  Be READY So You DON'T Need To Get READY

When Everyone Wants a Piece of You

When Everyone Wants a Piece of You

Does this sound familiar, when everyone wants a piece of you?  This should not be another shocking news to everyone I guess?  Especially the past two years when we all got locked out by this pandemic, ending up with virtual and remote work which we all [wrongly] thought as another 'walk in the park'.  Alas, it didn't shape up that way.  Instead, it was 'POOR ME', the hapless virtual worker now working from home not because we opted for it.  And that mindset that we could recline back in our chair and just go through with the motion just didn't happen either.  Instead, when everyone wants a piece of you.

For some of us, it was kind of TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE for us to realize that this remote and virtual work we all had no choice to opt out the past two years but instead, we often ended up in a quandary by asking ourselves [haplessly and helplessly] how can we live, survive and wiggle out when everyone wants a piece of you?  C'mon, let's NOT give up so easily.  We can lift ourselves out of that vicious cycle but this will take concerted and collaborative efforts NOT just from you but from all the parties and entities you're working with these days.

Clinging to the old cliche 'better late than never', we'll share with you some basic ground rules when everyone wants a piece of you.  First off, MAINTAIN a default schedule and define your official work time versus your time after work.  Then, MAINTAIN those work hours.  Resist from deviating, where possible.

Then, leverage on that commute-free time.  Need to realize that your pre-pandemic total travel time can be utilized as part of your personal free time.  Catch is, use the time for SOMETHING GOOD, whether that's more R&R time to manage stress or a fun project you have been wanting to start on.  Now for the no-brainer.  Ensure that your workplace at home is comfortable enough and away from the 'traffic' of people within your home.  Now, BEWARE THE LURE OF THE COUCH.  If a couch is nearby your workstation, slouching on the couch for extended periods may cause you to slacken as well.

Now, DON'T be too tough on yourself.  You gotta take morning and mid-afternoon breaks, whatever it takes.  Now, STAY CONNECTED.  Quick phone calls to friends and consider even virtual lunches to catch up with your friends.  Now, RESIST distractions and disruptions from within your home and neighborhood.  Oops DON'T overlook your health.  In fact, be in the pink of health.  Bottom-line, when everyone wants a piece of you,  you know what to do next ❗❗❗

Would You Rather Be BITTER or BETTER ?

Would You Rather Be BITTER or BETTER ?

Would You Rather Be BITTER or BETTER ?  Oh, this may seem to just be another casual question but dive deeper, this could all lead us to deep-seated arguments as to why we should waste our time with a play for words.  But hold on.  This is NOT a play for words.  The message we'd like to drive is that with just a 'one letter' difference, there's a huge difference being 'BITTER' or 'BETTER'.

Sometimes, we too oversimplify our daily lives.  At times, we thought that being 'BITTER' or 'BETTER' is pure semantics.  But hey, being 'BITTER' or being 'BETTER' are worlds apart.  How many times in our life where we 'BITTER'?  And what benefits did we derive out of that 'BITTERNESS' ? I'm afraid you ended up with feelings of anxiety, stress and maybe undue and unnecessary negativities enveloping you even as you were going through your daily activities?  Didn't you feel the undue burden arising from that 'BITTERNESS'  which randomly may even lead you to anger and worse, to being loathsome and hateful?

Either way, being 'BITTER' or 'BETTER' could lead you to live a life that is positive or you choose, a life of negativities? Be 'BETTER' instead of being 'BITTER'.  We need to remind ourselves that forgiveness is important if you want to live a positive life.  Forgiveness helps you move on from the negative aspects of life.    

We need to forgive people NOT because they deserve it.  It is because you DESERVE a better life. Compassion, acceptance and forgiveness break the chain of resentment that keep you stuck in the past.  Today, we all live busy lives.  We are overwhelmed with the lure of things and material wealth.  If at all, we need to remember that we are NOT alone. 

No one lives a full life without having to experience at least one disappointment, setback or challenge.  Every person you see in your life has went through all these.  Exposing yourself routinely to universal problems can serve as a comfort particularly if you feel alone.  In times of personal uncertainty and isolation, the concept that "you're not alone" is very comforting.  In addition to that, seeing messages of comfort and hope cutting across becomes powerful.  From this day onwards, if there is any tinge of 'BITTERNESS' still lingering in your life, please DUMP and THROW that out pronto now, AS IN NOW for you to be 'BETTER' off  📌📌📌