It's Nice To Be Nice BUT...

 It's Nice To Be Nice BUT...

It's Nice To Be Nice BUT... How often have we heard:  "WOW, SHE'S NICE, SHE BRINGS FOOD TO THE PARTY" or... "BILL IS SO NICE, HE ALWAYS HELPS ME OUT IN MY HOMEWORK".  Surely you have heard phrases and PRAISES similar to these  about NICE people.  And please DON'T get me wrong.  Being NICE is NOT bad OR wrong.  But studies who dug deep into these NICE manifestations all ended up with the same conclusion that most of those NICETIES are seemingly selfish acts of kindness that do deserve praise💴💷💵

BUT here's a dampening share.  According to studies, most NICE people are merely signaling their NICENESS.  THAT they aren't good people in reality BUT they are just great at SIGNALING.  And the researches opine that many of us [likely including me sometimes] are so good at it that we DON'T realize we do it until it's brought to our attention📗📙📘

To quote one research, which is somewhat persuasive enough, "NICE PEOPLE AREN'T GOOD PEOPLE, THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE BROUGHT UP IN ENVIRONMENTS WHERE NICE BEHAVIOR IS REWARDED".  To reinforce that, they conform to social incentives.  So, the bigger question to us:  DO WE WANT TO DO GOOD OR HAVE WE MERELY CONFORMED TO WHAT CONSTITUTES GOOD BEHAVIOR❓❓❓

And this is another debatable part wherein the researches are one to speak in unison that the common characteristics of people who often fall into the NICE PERSON category are as follows:

• Those with HIGH INCLINATION to conform
• Those with STRONG NEED to socially belong

Now, rather than be argumentative, let's agree on safe 'COMMON GROUNDS'.  To be NICE and be a GOOD person means doing whatever is best for humanity.  It means sacrificing, and whatever it takes to be sacrificed.  And that is the path that bears most meaning.  The difficult part is BEING GOOD may mean walking the path alone.  Bringing up contrarian ideas.  Becoming disliked by social groups.  All for humanity💎💎💎

If we have a benchmark for all these, I can think of ELON MUSK.  He sacrificed everything.  He worked 100-hour weeks and for ten years, without recognition.  All for humanity until he achieved the breakthrough which remains unmatched and unparalleled till now.  IT'S NICE TO BE NICE BUT...✅✅✅

There Are Always Three Sides Of A Story

There Are Always Three Sides Of A Story

WHO says there are two sides of a coin, where there are two sides of a story.  That DOESN'T hold water at all because, in truth, There Are Always Three Sides Of A Story regardless if you agree or NOT.  Let's look at our typical daily lives.  Regardless of how wronged you feel, the other person probably feels exactly the same way too💴💷💵

There Are Always Three Sides Of A Story period.  You might here someone quip like:  I NO LONGER TRY TO WIN A FIGHT BECAUSE IT IS USELESS.... because probably he probably DOESN'T care anyone thinks about him, because NO MATTER how adamantly they believe their side of the story, that is all it simply is, their side of the story.  So, it's normal you hear someone stating he DOESN'T care less if someone thinks he is right or NOT.  WHAT other people think of him is NONE of their business, blah blah blah📗📙📘

There Are Always Three Sides Of A Story yes that need NOT be debated anymore at all because regardless of how BLACK or WHITE the situation may seem, both protagonists WHO were in a situation are seeing GREY.  So, why bother about it?  Someone will even retort:  EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT EVERYONE BEHIND THEIR BACK.  EVERYONE WANTS TO BE THE RIGHT ONE IN AN ARGUMENT,  EVERYONE WANTS TO BE THE VICTIM OF THE WAR💎💎💎

WHAT's my realization here?  It seems that what's spreading across faster than the way the bushfires are spreading in the Australian Outback is that worrying about being right does absolutely NOTHING.  WHY even bother to waste another second of your life worrying about WHAT people WHO you DON'T care about think of you anyways❎❎❎

WHAT makes things sadder is if we end up with the skewed mindset that SINCE THERE ARE THREE SIDES TO EVERY STORY AND OUR REALITY WILL ALWAYS LIVE IN THE GREY, SO I'LL JUST GIVE UP!@#$%?  No sirrrrrs. our takeaway here is that we should NOT give up trying to prove IF and WHEN we are RIGHT, even if that means convincing someone to change his WRONG opinion as regards the TRUTH.  Indeed, There Are Always Three Sides Of A Story❌❌❌

When RED FLAGS Surface

When RED FLAGS Surface

No sirrrrrs, our thread today is NOT about China, N. Korea or the other communist states with RED FLAGS fluttering all around.  Instead, we'd like to spend time figuring out WHAT do we do When RED FLAGS Surface any time.  And NOT to overwhelm my readers BUT RED FLAGS can refer from end to end of the spectrum.  RED FLAGS cover way beyond the whole nine yards💴💷💵

BTW, we can start from our daily life within the confines of our home where, most of us think, we should NOT even care with regard RED FLAGS because it does NOT happen in our homes.  NOT TRUE sirrrrrs.  Within the confines of our homes, we have our respective relationship with each of our family members and house mates.  And you got to be 'SPOT ON' for RED FLAGS📗📙📘

So, one might wonder, what's the fuss with regard RED FLAGS?  Yesirrrrrrs RED FLAGs matter a lot because they are the bellwether of things that may unfurl imminently.  Behavioral changes of your housemates OR your colleagues at work or even your bosses OR your business partners OR even your customers OR with your partner/spouse.  There's just a long list of possibilities that may be impactful or even game-changing twists and turns IF and WHEN such RED FLAG leads to the 'real thing' that is impactful to you.  And that's when you may need that RED FLAG RESET BUTTON💎💎💎

BTW, when RED FLAGS start to surface, it DOESN'T mean that it's the 'moment of truth'.  It could be tell-tale signs that will help you pre-empt things from going downhill, in an uncontrollable downward spiral.  Let's have a concrete example.  WHEN your partner/spouse suddenly refuses to talk to you WHEN you arrive home, even if you cajole him/her, that is a RED FLAG that there's something amiss and that something needs a damn SUPER QUICK FIX.  OR it could be when you start and ignite the car when leaving home for the office and there are unusual clanking sounds even when it's idling, that is RED FLAG to help avert you getting bogged down with your car in the middle of the road❎❎❎

And even if you have crafted a BLUEPRINT for your life, that DOESN'T mean that you're wearing teflon, enough to be shielded from various challenges because When RED FLAGS Surface, they will pop-up for you to FIX❗❗❗

Curated Information?

Curated Information?

Cutting across the Baby Boomers generation to GenX to Xennials to Millennials to GenY, GenZ, GenNext and up to iGen and Gen Alpha, there has been a plethora of changes in technology such that information these days may be easily retrievable per se but more often, we end up retrieving a wide array of Curated Information📗📙📘

Whether we realize it or NOT, the fact that we are living in the age of information is NOT just a pretty phrase, referring to the Internet and to the ubiquitous presence of communication and computing devices.  Factually, living in this information age actually means that our economy and your ability to SUCCEED and thrive in our lifetime are increasingly connected to our ability to manage and efficiently deal with information.  Today, our SUCCESS [and even opportunities] are NOT determined anymore by our physical force OR by what we physically own  BUT by:  WHAT WE KNOW, HOW SKILLED WE ARE💴💷💵

This is our challenge at hand.  In an information economy, our ability to SEARCH/FIND, ANALYZE, EVALUATE, DEAL WITH, ABSORB, LEARN FROM, MANAGE, SHARE and LEVERAGE useful information with, from and to others are the valuable skills we really need to be equipped with in the midst of the mountains and mountains of fragments and bits of Curated Information💊💊💊

Separating the wheat from the chaff is sometimes akin to finding a needle in the haystack  regardless of the quality of Curated Information we have right in our fingers.  Word of caution when we search for information in this information age:  INFORMATION RESOURCES ONLINE EXIST IN A DISORGANIZED STATUS.  Unless someone verifies, organizes. and curates an information resource, it will have little value📌📌📌

As it is, information these days have little value because, per se, it is disconnected from other relevant resources in the same information space.  There's just NO CONTEXT.  It's like having an ingredient BUT not the recipe.  OR like having the name of a place BUT no map to reference it.  This is where we need to understand that CURATION provides the context to any information item value and a specific perspective.  Takeaway for us today:  Be cautious [and wary] of RAW Information because you might end up as MISINFORMED❌❌❌

Rewiring Our Mindset

Rewiring Our Mindset 

For the longest time, Rewiring Our Mindset was never a TALKING POINT but when we were all got literally clobbered and cloistered by that pandemic, many schools of thought sprung but all of which were intersecting towards Rewiring Our Mindset.  And that includes SIMPLIFYING [rather than complicating] our equations in life.  And allow me to give credit to Harsh Darji from Boston, MA.  Where Harsh Darji is coming from, he simplified complex concepts and that resonated quite strongly when he translated those difficult concepts with the following equations💴💷💵

Initially, this 'EGO' equation looks confusing but Darji effortlessly translates this with his statement that "THE GREATER YOUR KNOWLEDGE, THE SMALLER YOUR EGO'.  Now, let's pause and do a self reflection.  Run a pulse check of your EGO.  And run another pulse check of your KNOWLEDGE.  Then assess the results.  Isn't it that if you have acquired more than enough knowledge, you really WON'T care about EGO.  You become less insecure, if at all.  And things become more instantaneous📗📙📘

In Darji's second equation, what he drives here is that "SELF-LOVE BUILDS BELIEF.  COMPETENCE BUILDS EVIDENCE".  And "TOGETHER THEY FUEL UNWAVERING CONFIDENCE".  The messaging here is that CONFIDENCE is not something that's retrieved off-the-shelf.  You got to develop that SELF-LOVE in parallel with building and acquiring COMPETENCE.  That COMPETENCE is your capability, without which you are nothing but a hallowed substance who CAN'T move forward💎💎💎

For this next equation, Darji's AUTHENTICITY equation refers to one's GENUINENESS where hypocrisy has no place in it.  And Darji reinforces this variable by expressing and embracing one's EMOTIONS without those lingering fears of judgment, rejection, criticism or failure].  Once we develop and embrace this mindset, we WON'T be constrained by the ever encroaching FEARS of being judged, of being rejected, of being criticized or even that FEAR of FAILURE✅✅✅

This SELF-DISCOVERY equation seems to be all-encompassing as it encourages us to literally EXPLORE things and in tandem with SELF-REFLECTING, that somehow tempers the EXPECTATIONS variables.  'Clubbing' together all these equations should equip us, on the minimum, to endeavor in REWIRING OUR MINDSET because that is the very backbone of our life.  WHERE we may end up will be likely influenced by our MINDSETS❗❗❗

When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES'

When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES'

Everyone has experienced that tingling sensation in the hands or feet [figuratively speaking though].  WHEN there is a CLOUD of uncertainty.  WHEN there is a CLOUD of FEAR.  WHEN we are burdened with serious problems.  WHEN we feel like our world is breaking apart.  WHEN our health condition suddenly goes downhill.  WHEN you're anticipating a result that could be a game-changer, life-changing.   WHEN we have scoured the whole nine yards trying to look for an answer to a lingering question. That's When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES'💴💷💵

Regardless of the fact When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES', our mindset is key to coping with the difficult circumstances and confidently facing the UNKNOWN.  And let's accept  the reality that besides CHANGE, UNCERTAINTY is the only other guarantee in life.  UNCERTAINTY will always be around us, never more so than today.  Whether it concerns that recent global pandemic, the economy, our personal finances, our health, and relationships, much of what lies ahead in life remains UNCERTAIN📗📙📘

It is a given that we all want to feel SAFE and be SAFE.  We need to have that SENSE of CONTROL over our lives and well-being.  FEAR and UNCERTAINTY can leave us feeling stressed, anxious, and sometimes powerless over the direction of our life.  Sadly, it can drain us emotionally and trap us in a downward spiral of endless "WHAT IFs" and worse- case scenarios about what tomorrow may bring.  So, in terms of urgency, it is imperative that we know what to do NEXT When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES'💎💎💎

Now, let's have both our feet back on the ground and realize that we're all different in how much UNCERTAINTY we can tolerate in life.  Some people seem to enjoy taking risks and living unpredictable lives while others find the randomness of life deeply distressing.  BUT all of us have a limit.  IF you feel overwhelmed by UNCERTAINTY and worry, it is important to know that you're NOT alone.  Many of us are in the same boat even When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES'✅✅✅

It is also important to realize that When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES',  no matter HOW helpless and hopeless we feel, there are steps we can take to better deal with uncontrollable circumstances, e.g.:

• FOCUS ON CONTROLLING THOSE UNDER CONTROL
• CHALLENGE YOUR NEED FOR CERTAINTY
• LEARN TO TOLERATE UNCERTAINTY IN LIFE
• REDUCE YOUR ANXIETY AND STRESS LEVELS

Bottom-line is that When We Are On 'PINS & NEEDLES' shall pass BUT you got to do something to hurdle it, and hurdle it PRONTO❗❗❗

Can We Perform A Task FASTER Than FAST?

Can We Perform A Task FASTER Than FAST?

Through the years, I remained steadfast and vociferous enough when I hear a team member says that he/she will skip lunch OR even delay the 'bladder breaks' so that he/she can finish a task earlier.  Always and always, I stomped my foot down and gave a loud 'NO' to them.  WHY?  Because, I am always opposed to the position that THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS.  Instead, why DON'T we ask ourselves.  Can We Perform A Task FASTER Than FAST💴💷💵

Lest I be understood, much as I push hard that things get done FAST, I always believe that We Perform A Task FASTER Than FAST without compromising our health.  As the crucial skill in today's business world is surely the ability to work really FAST, the problem is though that too often when people try to get things done quickly, their QUALITY of WORK really suffers.  So, HOW can we double the speed the way we work and still keep your work QUALITY high?  Let's try these📗📙📘

Primero, try using a TIMER on every major task.  One of the most pertinent concepts in business is "PARKINSON'S LAW" which states that "WORK EXPANDS TO FILL THE TIME ALLOTTED FOR IT".  If you leave the amount of time you'll devote to a task open-ended, then you will almost always take more time to complete it💎💎💎

Conversely, if you set a clear amount of time to do each task, you'll work far more rapidly as you attempt to beat the clock.  And as an added bonus, if you CHALLENGE yourself like this, you will NOT only be more effective but you'll be happier too.  That esteemed human performance was coined by Professor Csikzentmihalyi as the 'FLOW' state❗❗❗

A second trick is indeed tricky.  Pretend that your day ends at 11am.  So, each morning when you start work, behave as though you can no longer work past 11am.  If you knew you had to go home at that point, yet you still wanted to achieve really worthwhile tasks, WHAT do you do then?  Create a short list then start on those important tasks immediately.  That 11am technique works brilliantly because it forces you to take ACTION quickly on WHAT counts.  Just proves that indeed, we can perform a task FASTER than FAST✅✅✅

Hard Things Will Reward MORE

Hard Things Will Reward MORE

We all want REWARDS.  WHO doesn't want it anyway.  When we feel hot, we just go out and get some sunlight for our body.  It feels hot.  BUT only for that moment.  Because within a few minutes, your mood gets better and you begin to focus on WHAT really matters.  Whereas , HARD Things are HARD for sure BUT they always come with a fulfilling REWARD💴💷💵

And here comes DOPAMINE who does that PERFECT JOB in 'hijacking' all our feelings to the 'CHEAP FIXES'.  Thing is, CHEAP DOPAMINE pulls our standards to the lowest.  And let's face it, the more we look for INSTANT FIXES, the more we lower our standards to DOPAMINE.  True, there is distraction everywhere BUT is that distraction so powerful that you let it take CONTROL of your life📗📙📘

So, indeed, there is DISTRACTION everywhere BUT is that DISTRACTION so powerful that we let it take CONTROL of our life.  It's like we wake up every morning to live our life on the DEFAULT mode. Then we DON'T take or make decisions.  Instead, we get influenced to make choices.  And that influence drives us more to CHEAP dopamine.  It's just time to be more AWARE💎💎💎

Oh oh, when we wake up next day, we open up NETFLIX, and just keep watching movies and series for hours.  Non-stop.  Without any pause.  Now, do we think life is getting some 'flavor'?  BTW, NETFLIX is filling up their pockets with LOADS of your ATTENTION.  Because your ATTENTION is their very source of revenue.  And you are giving them $$$$$ to numb your mind.  AND...... you get NOTHING in return.  So, are we innocent enough that we DON'T understand such manipulation✅✅✅

OR are you so much into that CHEAP DOPAMINE that we DON'T use our brain to know how the 'behind-the-scene' things happen?  Thing is, it feels more alive when we look for real DOPAMINE stuff.  Fake DOPAMINE doesn't need any effort.  You get it with just one click.  Now, real DOPAMINE has a PRICE attached to it.  And that's PAIN you pay the price , you get some awesome REWARD in return.  Indeed, HARD THINGS WILL REWARD MORE❗❗❗

Hard Work Works !!!

Hard Work Works !!!

Hard Work Works, period.  That is the last topic we can ever argue and debate.  What can we do then?  Let's take a leaf from seemingly mundane traits of successful people.  Topping the list and this is a top-notch no-brainer is that they WORK HARD.  They get up early [BTW Elon Musk is an outlier because he admitted that he WON'T hit the sack NOT until he solves a problem].  Besides being tough on themselves, they expect performance from others📗📙📘

Second, they are INCREDIBLY curious and eager to learn.  While most of them did well in school, what matters most is they apply OR take advantage of what they learn.  SUCCESSFUL people want to learn everything about everything.  Thirdly, they NETWORK and NETWORK.  They 'connect' with people.  They DON'T have to be the 'LIFE OF THE PARTY' but they VALUE people and they VALUE relationships.  Fourth, they work on themselves and NEVER QUIT.  These SUCCESSFUL people DON'T tolerate flaws.  They FIX it themselves.  Fifth, they have a very solid SENSE of RESPONSIBILITY💴💷💵

Sixth, despite the odds they face, they are usually RELAXED and keep their perspective.  Even in times of stress OR turmoil, SUCCESSFUL people keep their balance, they rarely panic and they know the VALUE of timing and patience.  Seventh, they are EXTRAORDINARILY creative.  They never stop to go around asking "WHY NOT?"  They see NEW combinations, NEW possibilities, NEW challenges while others see it as PROBLEMS or LIMITATIONS and topping all their traits, they usually LIVE IN THE MOMENT.  They are fully aware that 'NOW' is the only time they can CONTROL.  They NEVER seem rushed and yet, they get a lot done💎💎💎

Furthermore, they GO beyond just looking at the horizon.  They observe trends, notice changes, see shifts and hear the nuances that others miss.  Like a basketball player wearing Nikes is trivial, the neighbor's kid wearing them is interesting, your own teenager demanding them is an investment opportunity!  Extremely SUCCESSFUL people LIVE IN THE PRESENT❗❗❗

And this is the icing on the cake.  Most of the time, SUCCESSFUL people respond instantly.  WHEN an investment is NOT working, they SELL, they DIVEST SUPER FAST enough.  WHEN they see an opportunity, they make a call.  If an important relationship seems to be cooling down, they exert effort to patch and renew that relationship.  SWIFT & FAST ACTION is NOT limited to business.  Awhile ago, our neighborhood TOFU vendor passed by, peddling and when I bought 3 mugs of TOFU, he asked me if I'm a doctor.  I said NO and I asked WHY?  He started to tell me that the past days he and his son had intermittent stomach-ache issues but he is penniless to consult a doctor.  To cut things short, I handed him a 500-peso note and egged him to bring his son [and himself] for medical consultation, pronto✅✅✅

Developing A Stoic Mind

Developing A Stoic Mind

Indeed, it is so easy to hate life, to be careless, to decide to be sad, to feel regretful, and uneasy and essentially to blame life for being unfair.  Seriously, it takes ball however, to decide to change life for the better.  Developing A Stoic Mind is key because the truth is that it all comes down to our mental state of mind.  Anything can actually be fixed simply by changing the way we perceive the world💴💷💵

Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor. introduced us to his 22 STOIC Principles:

• ACCEPTANCE of NATURE'S WILL
• FOCUS ON WHAT WE CAN CONTROL
• PRACTICE EQUANIMITY
• REMEMBER DEATH
• LIVE ACCORDING TO VIRTUE
• INNER CITADEL - Our mind, our fortress
• RECOGNIZE UNITY of Humankind
• DUTY & RESPONSIBILITY
• MINDFULNESS & PRESENCE
• DETACHMENT FROM MATERIAL THINGS
• COSMIC PERSPECTIVE
• RESILIENCE IN ADVERSITY
• AVOIDANCE OF EXCESS
• SELF-REFLECT/SELF-IMPROVEMENT
• IMPERMANENCE of FAME
• VALUE of RATIONALITY
• LIVE IN ACCORD WITH NATURE
• MORAL JUDGMENT
• DICHOTOMY of CONTROL
• NON-RETALIATION
• DEATH as a RETURN to NATURE
• STOIC TRANQUILITY

Usually, when people talk to us about being POSITIVE, we want to tell them to shut the hell up, and be more realistic.  However, since Marcus Aurelius is not here, we DON'T have the chance to shut him up BUT rather we have the great opportunity of practicing his ways.  That STOIC MENTALITY tells us to take RESPONSIBILITY over blame.  This happened quite often even to me, losing my mind over little things and for a long time I would sometimes struggle to accept my situation for WHAT it is.  BUT down the road, I realized how easy it was to fix my issues.  That pushed to see WHAT I can control and WHAT I cannot.  It all boils down to DEVELOPING A STOIC MIND📗📙📘

Although I am NOT an ardent STOIC student, adopting the STOIC philosophy can lead us to its key benefits which briefly, it will start off with our SELF-DISCIPLINE.  The STOICS advocate tells us that to fulfill our purpose and achieve our goals, we must adopt SELF- DISCIPLINE and get it embedded❗❗❗

And the ancient STOICS also tell us to exercise SELF- DISCIPLINE in our character and virtues.  Being STOIC means living a life of integrity and ensuring we never waver from that PATH to WISDOM.  This by itself becomes a conscious decision that takes tremendous SELF-DISCIPLINE and SELF-CONTROL.  STOICISM takes us farther to encourage us to endure SUFFERING WELL.  STOICISM teaches us that SUFFERING is inevitable. Trying to escape SUFFERING altogether is a task that will cause more SUFFERING.  In the simplest layman's language, STOICs encourages us to develop these foundational mental traits for us to be robust and resilient enough even as in parallel, we continue to be DEVELOPING A STOIC MIND✅✅✅