Spend Time With Someone & You'll Read Them Well

Spend Time With Someone & You'll Read Them Well

Lots of things in life are superficial and very much on the periphery.  Lots of things are literally visually visible but that's all there is to it.  For you to know a person profoundly, it could even take a long time, if not a lifetime.  The recurring problem is, often times [especially early in life], we thought we have know the person enough for us to reach an informed decision.

Oh, time is fleeting.  It is the one resource which in no way we can ever recover.  Sadly, most of us only realize this once it is too late.  The life that we would have taken for granted is coming to a close [before you know it] and immediately, most of us would then wish [of late] that they had learned a few key lessons much earlier on in life.  And when we meet people in school, at work, in business or in our various endeavors in life, we tend to fall prey on that notion that you've known a person INSIDE-OUT just because you were office colleagues who would take coffee breaks at the same time, including lunches.

That's NEVER the case, though.  In truth and in fact, few couples will disagree with me if I vociferously attest that you would get to know that person INSIDE-OUT with no slip-up once you share the same roof everyday onwards.  People get to know each other, then they go on dating till it becomes an exclusive one till they get engaged.  Alas, at that point in time, they thought they knew well each other LIKE THE PALM OF THEIR HANDS.  No Senor.

And then, here's social media creeping in as the spoiler.  With SocMed lording it all over our lives, with endless private messages, with incessant tweets, with all the adulations we give and/or receive via all the LIKES, emojis, re-TWEETS and even endless capture of memorable moments via IG, we all end up misguided, thinking [WRONGLY] that we know well our partner that much.

When do problems start to creep in our lives ?  It's when we realize there is a gap that's shaping between EXPECTATIONS versus REALITY.  At work, we expected the applicant to be a too good to be true and finally, he comes out as a lemon.  In relationships, we end up with a bum choice.  In business, we end up with premature decisions causing us to bungle on opportunities.  LESSON: Get to know deeply before you take that LEAP of FAITH❗❗❗

Reap What You Sow

Reap What You Sow

This is not an agricultural piece.  But instead, this is all about our lives, everything we plant and sow which we eventually reap and harvest. Admittedly, this is a bit biblical because as per the bible, it is something that humanity can relate to.  The practice of working the ground to gain a harvest is nearly as old as humanity itself.  Part of Adam's curse was that the ground would bring forth thorns and thistles.  While there is the real spiritual principle at work that, if we sow bad things, we will reap bad things.  In real life, it's been this way, we always REAP WHAT WE SOW.

This 'REAP WHAT YOU SOW' holds true both positively and negatively.  That verse summarizes the principle well.  When we are selfish, proud, unjust, sinful and trusting in our own ability or worth to save us, we are 'sowing the flesh' and destruction awaits.  When we are selfless, generous, kind and depending on the provision that indeed we are 'sowing' and will reap eternal life.  The thing is, the type of seed you sow determines the type of harvest you'll reap.  

Even when things may appear to be going poorly and it doesn't look like you'll ever reap a good harvest, the principle of sowing and reaping remains true.  If you sow for yourself righteousness, then you will reap the fruit of unfailing love.  You may have to wait a bit to reap that harvest.  In fact, you may need to wait a longer time for a harvest.  So, in life, there is just no timeline but that does not deprive us to plant and sow 

We heard this often times: "DON'T JUDGE EACH DAY BY THE HARVEST YOU REAP BUT BY THE SEEDS THAT YOU PLANT".  Going through all these, patience comes into the picture again.  If we have worked with kids or plants, we know that PATIENCE is a vital part of getting anything done.  We just can't hurry the growth of the plants.  The most we can do is to nurture the plants, provide them with what they need.  Swinging back into our lives, let's revisit the formative years when we are about to set the foundation of our lives.

Applying patience in our life has always been a virtue.  But like any virtue, we can either have too much or too little of it.  Too little may be quite rash, too much is sloth.  As patience is always a long-term approach, there are one too many things to do.  There is always pruning, teaching, a thousand minor adjustments going on as you work towards harvest.  How do we stay patient then ?  We should do it by imagining where the seeds we plant will take them.  Whether it's nurturing a child or sending a colleague to a training, think of what that seed will do for them.  ENJOY PLANTING and KEEP YOUR PATIENCE✅✅✅

What Takes the Wind Out of Your Sails

What Takes the Wind Out of Your Sails

Allow me to take a leaf from this striking quote from recognized American author Robert Brault saying: "WHEN LIFE TAKES THE WIND OUT OF YOUR SAILS, IT IS TO TEST YOU AT THE OARS".  To translate this tricky query, when we go through the seaman's lingo, through the sail, it is the wind that will become the catalyst for the boat to move out in the waters.  In life, we need the wind as a catalyst to push our boat forward out in the high seas.

As each of us thrive on being successful, in doing so, we often forget the difficulties lying in the path to success.  We set targets and want to achieve them right away, but we tend to forget that we are JUST HUMANS and may fall short on those goals.  Failure at the start can lead us on to FRUSTRATION and easily, that shatters our self-confidence we would have had at the beginning.  In the end, we might even consider giving up on our dreams because we don't feel like we can ever succeed in life.  Despite the popular belief about success, it isn't a ONE-WAY path or a straight line.  Instead, it is a muddled road with various ups and downs and you we would navigate it with popular care.  We might even fall or get lost in the way but we keep going, eventually we'll get to it.

All these boil down to PERSEVERANCE, that steadfastness in doing something despite the difficulty in achieving success.  PERSEVERANCE is an essential element when we need to achieve a high level of success.  It is a great tool to use and it DOESN'T require any college education or even training. It just comes naturally and all it requires is our strong will. It doesn't matter what our goal is.  The chances of success depends largely on our willingness to PERSIST & PERSEVERE.

Why do we need PERSEVERANCE after all ?  We need it to reach our goals.  We need it to carry us through failures and adversities.  We need it to push us towards reaching our goals.  We need it to encourage our adaptability.  That adaptability benefits every area in our life, making us more resilient.  BTW, PERSEVERANCE is a 'learnable skill'.  It is not something that is innate.  Looking back at all the successful people, they all have a common denominator and that's being PERSEVERANT.  So, let's keep going and ensure we DON'T TAKE THE WIND OUT OF OUR SAILS✅✅✅

It Comes With The Territory

It Comes With The Territory

Our lifetime is not filled with our own choices.  Many times, we're in a situation of our own choice and many times as well, it's not to our liking our choices.  And the mother of all ironies, in those moments we chose to be in, there are 'GIVENS' that 'COMES WITH THE TERRITORY'.  And those 'GIVENS' are non-negotiable at all.  And if you can't accept those 'GIVENS', the only option left for you is to step out of that 'TERRITORY'

If in school, you're now at the 'top of the class', if at work, you're touted groomed for a senior leadership role in the future, if in business, you have etched your mark wherein your restaurant cuisine is top-notch, what happens next is that you, as a student, as a worker, as a businessman, will have to endeavor to meet the high expectations set forth.  If you wooed your fiancee impressively and she's now your wife, you got to stand out to everything you verbalized and committed to her.

You don't muscle your way into a situation and yet you refuse to abide by the set of norms and expectations that came ahead of it.  When we travel, we got to follow all the rules of the airlines for the duration of our flight.  Finally, when we get billeted in a hotel, once you step into your hotel room, the first poster staring at your face will be the HOUSE RULES you got to comply with and if you can't commit to it, you got to eke yourself out of it.  All these COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.  Such is life, BTW.

And here's the rub BTW.  We are not cascading the message that you should MEET expectations because you need to EXCEED expectations.  If you end up with a 'MEETS' results, you are just in the middle of the pack, you are just another one within the crowd.  When and where you 'EXCEED', that will propel you to unprecedented heights even as you continue to scale up the steep road towards success.  Let's get back into our relationship with our loved ones.  Do we think our partner/spouse will be super-duper happy when you 'MEETS' expectations ?  No sirrrrs, you got to 'EXCEED'.

And here's the bombshell.  Life itself 'DOES NOT MEET EXPECTATIONS'.  Either you fail or you succeed.  Either you FLY or you FLOP.  Nothing is cut-out along the median, within the averages.  Do we remember our milestone successes to date ?  Do you agree that you EXCEED EXPECTATIONS in all those counts ?  And as you continue to step up in life, you will get embroiled with harder issues up front, more frustrating challenges ahead of you, all because as you progress in life, it all COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.  Like it or not, this is a happy problem for us all to embrace.  Do you agree, dude ❓❓❓

That 'EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE'

That 'EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE'

So sorry for the mix-up.  Just because travel restrictions have been lifted in most locations, this piece is NOT the final call for boarding your flight.  Instead, we'd like to discuss a bit more about our EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE, which everyone either has or has had in the past.  Regardless of your standing now in society and regardless of culture and religion, no one is immune from that EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE which we end up carrying on, not because we wanted to but moreso because that is the consequence arising from the outcome of a situation.  If anyone claims that he has zero EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE even in the past, that's baloney to say the least.  Not likely in our growing up years and even as a child, emotions didn't seem to have a place and a space to tuck it in.  Not until we get into our tumultuous adulthood, whew.

Therapists would always insist that we are all carrying backpacks that we continually load up. We keep stuffing them full until one day, we can't zip and the stuff starts spilling out all over the place.  Which reminds me of that George Clooney movie 'UP in the AIR' way back 2009 wherein I'd like to quote these top-heavy thoughts: "HOW MUCH DOES YOUR LIFE WEIGH ? ...NOW, FILL IT WITH PEOPLE, START WITH ACQUAINTANCES, FRIENDS OF FRIENDS, FOLKS AROUND.  GET THEM INTO THAT BACKPACK.  FEEL THE WEIGHT OF THAT BAG.   

Now, let's accept this reality:  our relationships are the HEAVIEST COMPONENTS in our life.  Do you feel the straps cutting into your shoulder ?  All those arguments and negotiations, secrets and compromises,  we don't need to carry it all, right? So, what really is this proverbial backpack and how can we prevent it from filling up to the point where we feel like we can't carry all of our stuff ?  To get to the bottom of it [pun intended], medical health experts have studied what weighs us down and how emotional weight is holding us back and what can we do to begin emptying out the junk. 

But before we get bogged down, can we break up all these baggage.  MENTAL BAGGAGE - that's our tendency to think negatively about past or current issues that have not been resolved.  There is a tension in the body that shows up in our shoulders and neck whereas EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE does feel like you are wearing or carrying a bag filled with emotions.

What then is our common problem ?  While carrying past experiences [including the emotions that came with them] may help us better navigate future experiences.  In fact, studies show that emotional baggage can be a real barrier to making healthy lifestyle changes [like exercising more, eating healthier or quitting smoking].  Respondents confirmed that emotional baggage was an important explanation why they were stuck in OLD HABITS added load to their already emotional baggage and made it heavier.  How can we fix this ?  UNLOAD YOUR BACPACK and if you suspect that unresolved emotions are weighing you down, you've already taken the first step in lightening up your load ❗❗❗

Flow Like a Water

Flow Like a Water

Have we seen yet water getting stuck in its flow ?  Never, right ?  Instead, water will always figure it out and find a way to worm its way in its flow regardless of the obstacle it hits along the way.  And to think we're just talking about water as a natural resource.  It's not even human-like.  Yet, the way it flows seems more super-human than us.  Can we Flow Like a Water in life?

Lao Tzu, the great Chinese Philosopher is best quoted by this poster.  What it says is a mouthful because despite its SOFTNESS, it overcomes even the monstrous and HARDEST obstacles ever, be it mountains or rocks.  We may start off a debate here and argue that we humans are not natural resources, and BTW, that is non-debatable.  That is a given.  But the truth of the matter is, the way our life flows, do we flow like the water day-in day-out ?  Me thinks, this is our gaping hole in life.

How can we translate these hollowed words with concreteness and crystal clear enough ?  Let's start with our THINKING.  Many of us [and that includes me before] OVER-think, OVER-contemplate and OVER-ANALYZE.  Yesirrrrrs, I can attest to all these 'OVER-OVERs' in a first-person account because I've witnessed how people can get so STUCK in the MUD, over-analyzing over and over again.

In two curt words, I've witnessed people in 'ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS'.  More than just being pitiful and somehow distressing, I find it appalling how some of us can end up miserable and so pathetic because of the sheer paralysis one self-inflicts upon himself, resulting NOT JUST to INACTION but sheer stagnation.  Imagine you needed to extract yourself from a foxhole?

It's as simple as overcoming that dilemma of ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS which is nothing but that inability to make a decision due to over-thinking a problem or a key decision-point.  What compounds our dilemma is that too much information, too much data drags us into that pit.  What makes us so thinly vulnerable to this dilemma is because it is that easy to get bogged down in an analysis of many options UNTIL IT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE to decide.

How do we overcome all these ?  First off, let's agree that it's completely normal and logical that before we get to make a decision, we would take time to consider all options.  But what if when weighing your options, you can't get the scales to balance ?  Instead, you spend so much time thinking through choices you could make and end up not coming to any decision at all.

So can we not get into this 'analysis paralysis'?  #1-RECOGNIZE that you are having that ANALYSIS-PARALYSIS.  Only by recognizing will lead you towards fixing it.  #2-EXPLORE your own triggers causing you to OVERTHINK.  #3-Decide SWIFTLY on minor decisions.  I've witnessed people whose cognitive thinking goes on a full throttle before deciding whether to take his coffee or not. #4-DON'T ever let decisions 'consume you alive'.  #5-Improve your SELF-CONFIDENCE.  #6-TRUST your instincts and lastly, #6-PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE.  Remember, you do NOT live in a perfect world.  Let's all wake up all these realizations❗❗❗

You Can't Squeeze Blood from Stone

 You Can't Squeeze Blood from Stone

We've been in numerous points in our life when and where we wanted things to turn out more than what is/was realistic.  We yearned for outcomes that were way beyond feasible.  We wanted results that seem to go way beyond the roof.  We wanted finances that were beyond our reach.  We wanted the most ideal relationships which we didn't deserve, after all.  We wanted a burgeoning business even if the amount of effort we did put in at wor/in business was much less than what it can result in business.  In brief, we seemed to SQUEEZE BLOOD FROM STONE, a wish that is unthinkable if in the first place, everything was UNREALISTIC.

But hey, even Frankenstein can hardly SQUEEZE BLOOD FROM STONE.  So, what do we do next ?  FIX THE PROBLEM, NOT THE BLAME.  Replace blame with the benefits of the doubt.  Do you recall being blamed ?  Likely, right ?  What's the fix ?  Try mindful reflection.  Remember, most things we fret over in life are either an illusion or insignificant.  If you deem it important, then there are effective ways to communicate without bashing each other.

When there are gaps or issues in our relationships, one of the most common causes or triggers is P-R-I-D-E. While generally PRIDE connotes something on the positive, it's not always that way though.  It can also mean conceit, arrogance or that feeling of superiority.  This kind of pride is based on SELF-CENTEREDNESS and it's agreed this is destructive.  Selfish pride is especially destructive to relationships because the opposite of loving others is not hating them but instead being self-centered. 

The point here is that each person's pride is in competition with everyone else's pride.  It is because someone may wanted to be that 'noise' in a party.  Thing is, PRIDE is COMPETITIVE in nature.  Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.  We say that people are proud of being cleverer or richer or better looking than others.  Imagine this, if everyone else became equally rich, good looking or cleverer, there would be nothing to be proud about.  It is the COMPARISON that makes you proud, that pleasure of BEING ABOVE THE REST.
 

So how do we solve this riddle about PRIDE? #1-RECOGNIZE & ADMIT YOUR PRIDE.  You will never get to solve a problem that you either don't know or don't accept that exists.  #2-EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE.  There is something about saying 'THANK YOU' that makes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them back on the BLESSINGS we've received and the people who've blessed us.  #3-TRY PRACTISING SERVANTHOOD.  Serving others requires us to focus on their needs rather than our own and this reminds us of how we are part of something bigger than ourselves.  #5-Lastly, do LAUGH AT YOURSELF. There's this old saying "BLESSED ARE THEY THAT LAUGH AT THEMSELVES FOR THEY SHALL NEVER CEASE TO BE ENERTAINED'✅✅✅

Not This Time to Play 'HARDBALL'

Not This Time to Play 'HARDBALL'

Who claims that anytime we can Play 'HARDBALL' ?  Me thinks, that should be an outlier rather than a default.  'Playing hardball' means we tend to become hard-nosed and inflexible to the extent of standing our ground in an obstinate and stubborn manner.  More often, though, we tend to stand on our ground NOT BECAUSE we are cocksure of our reasons but rather it happens when there's a trigger.

Before we look and turn elsewhere, let us see if there are tell-tale signs that we're that STUBBORN and OBSTINATE:  Do you keep on insisting on something EVEN IF you're aware that you're wrong ?  Do you still push to do something EVEN IF no one else wants it ?  When others present an idea, are you so vocal to rattle off all the reasons why IT WON'T WORK? 

Do you feel frustrated or worse, angry, when others will persuade you on something you don't agree ?  And worst of all, do you tend to agree or commit halfheartedly to others' requests when you know all along that you are going to do something entirely different ? The thing is, STUBBORNESS is the ugly side of perseverance.  

Those who exhibit this attribute cling to the notion that they're passionate, decisive and full of conviction and able to stand your ground.  Being stubborn isn't always a bad thing but if you're standing your ground for the wrong reasons, are you really doing the right thing ?  So how do we make sure our holding the ground doesn't get into the way ?  SEEK TO UNDERSTAND.  

Simply put, try listening to the other person rather than automatically shutting down the conversation by seeking to understand the idea and rationale behind it.  BE OPEN TO POSSIBILITIES.  Overly stubborn people often believe that there is only one viable course of action and as a result, they remain solidly staunched in their positions.  ADMIT WHEN YOU'RE WRONG.  Being convinced that you're right is one thing.  Own up to your error and mistakes and hold yourself accountable for your decisions and actions. Let's DUMP our PRIDE into the thrash bin ❗❗❗

Never Hit Your Head With Your Own Bat

Never Hit Your Head With Your Own Bat

Oh yes, this is a no-brainer.  No one amongst us will ever hit our head with our own bat BUT this shouldn't be taken literally.  Instead, we're referring to numerous real life experiences when we ended up with the consequences and outcome arising from our very own mistakes.  The low hanging fruit here is that based on studies, typically, at the very least, 20% of our mistakes could have been averted and avoided.

And that is the regrettable part.  After we end up with mistakes which in the end trigger those 'self inflicted wounds', what happens next is that we will be starting to exert an enormous amount of efforts [and very likely, TIME + $$$] to initially do a 'damage control' because when a wrong decision leads to untold consequences, doing 'damage control'.  And as this Covid pandemic has created a season that leaves all of us inevitably more vulnerable.  Let's think about the presence of isolation.  The heightened use of social media triggering comparisons and the past year has somehow fertilized the very vulnerabilities that can lead to an implosion.

If most of us are akin to an 'average person', we are all having days in which we do struggle.  At times, we will face discouragement. At times, anxiety.  There will be some days when we just want to escape that 'crazy whirlwind' brought about by this long-drawn pandemic.  However, we also need to know that part of maturing and preventing a destructive collapse is learning to tolerate the discomforts and uncertainties in life.

Challenge is how can we avoid hitting ourselves with our own bat ? Hmmm, indeed, isolation, boredom. pride, despair, all these require coping skills. In fact, we need those coping skills everyday in our lives.  We, as average persons, need more coping skill right now than we would have needed prior to this pandemic.  We are in a particularly vulnerable TIME and SPACE and our prevention of self-imposed or self-inflicted wounds or worse, ruin are dependent on our coping skills that we utilize to manage our inevitable vulnerabilities.

If we are concerned about wrecking our life, and you can see present dangers, we encourage you to PAUSE.  Maybe, others have sounded a warning but we are unable to see the problem.  Hey, it won't hurt to pull over and inspect your situation rather than continuing to race ahead.  How do we then inspect our situation ?  Let's take an objective PEEK at our coping skills.  Are they helpful enough ?  Or are they even causing you to spiral ? Reassess your mental state.  Are you hurting so badly that you have lost your care regarding potential consequences ?  Are you responding impulsively ?  Consider your recent PATTERN of decisions.  Are they bordering towards disaster ?  Are you on the brink of another decision ?  Think it over cautiously✅✅✅

Weighing the Costs

Weighing the Costs

There's so much debates and argument whether everyone should go down into the nitty-gritty of weighing the COSTs versus BENEFITs before making a decision.  Some would argue why turn simple situations into complex ones ?  A cost-benefit analysis is the process of comparing the projected or estimated costs and benefits [or opportunities] associated with a decision to determine whether it makes sense from a person's perspective.

Bottom-line is, every decision that needs to be made must be an INFORMED DECISION.  Otherwise, any decision not referencing relevant information will not be an INFORMED DECISION. What happens then if we do not end up with an INFORMED DECISION ?  The likely outcomes and consequences are as follows:  The decision you made is either NOT the best decision you could have made or worse, you could have made a wrong decision.  To UNDO or not is another discussion.

If you have ever made a big personal purchase, chances are you conducted an informal cost-benefit analysis.  Whether you're committing to a personal purchase, making a decision or assessing an option, you will likely use some sort of analysis to weigh the estimated costs and benefits of your choice.  Cost-benefit analysis is a key way to determine the value of a decision. 

UNDERSTANDING the VALUE of an upcoming decision should always be a top of the totem pole.  Always remember in weighing values, there's FINANCIAL values, EMOTIONAL value, SOCIAL value, INTELLECTUAL value, you name it.  You need to consider all of them.  Whatever it takes, always WEIGHT the COSTS before you reach for a decision❗❗❗