Nipping Things In The Bud

Talking about conflicts in life, YES it happens and that's pretty normal, very much part of relationships, WHETHER it's our family relationships or those at the workplace.  True, conflicts can be uncomfortable and challenging for many of us BUT psychologists counsel us that there are pre-emptive ways even WHEN we end up in difficult conversations because WHAT matters is for us to be navigating disagreements with others.  In that way, rather than being part of a conflict, we could be Nipping Things In The Bud📗📙📘

Let's swing into real-life situations.  WHEN we have disagreements with someone, WHAT do we do next?  Do we tend to ignore the problem and avoid the person?  OR do we confront the person right away?  OR do we look for a compromise?  Everyone has a different way of approaching conflict and frankly, there is NO correct approach because each option and alternative has its own UPsides and DOWNsides. It pains me in real life to be aware that some people WHO used to be 'soul sisters' OR 'soul brothers' for many decades are NOT and NEVER on talking terms [even as we speak now].  To my inquisitiveness, I feel bewildered WHY neither one of either parties have reached out???

All these boil down to understanding HOW we personally deal with the conflict at hand and HOW your own style could even clash with someone else's.  Once we understand HOW we will handle the conflict, we can then take steps to prevent it and work more effectively with others WHEN it does arise.  NOT sure WHAT is your 'conflict style' then?  Fact is, if you do anticipate a brewing disagreement even in the beginning, pay attention to any thoughts OR behaviors that could fuel a negative approach to resolve the issue💧💧💧

Without claiming to be a self-proclaimed expert in handling conflicts, allow me to share my first pre-emptive step in life.  WHERE possible, I'll endeavor to strengthen my relationships with others with the end view of preventing conflict.  And WHEN we have that strong connection with someone, it can be easier to focus on the problem and work together to find a solution rather than assuming the other is at fault.  Sharing with others will allow us to develop empathy and resolve disagreements amicably💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Communicating can be tough.  I can attest to that because once I stepped out of my home country, I had to ramp-up my soft skills in interacting with my workmates and even clients across cultures, name it, the Chinese, Indian, Malaysian, European and even Singaporean cultures.  I even had to learn the rudiments of body languages, LIKE WHAT does it mean WHEN Indians shake their heads sideways, etc.  So, it was a hell lot of balancing act for me BUT I had to learn it fast so I can NIP THINGS IN THE BUD!!!

Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!

Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!

This is NOT a headline-grabbing stuff BUT generally, I observe that some of us [and I'm guilty of that sometime in my past] take life for granted UNTIL we DON'T, OR worse, UNTIL we CAN'T.  And WHILE some of us DON'T take it for granted once we realize that our time is pretty short in this world, sadly for others, they literally run out of time before they could take out part of it to think about its scarcity.  WHEN was the last time we took a step back from our chaotic life and showed gratitude for being alive?  Sadly, some of us start our days either being anxious by our life's problems OR frustrated at yesterday's brutalities WHILE neglecting the 'miracle happening' with every rising sun.  Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]📗📙📘

Think about it, we never ask WHY shouldn't our bodies had given up on our own self in the night considering that many of us NEVER bother to take of them.  I came across this impressive one-liner from the late great Steve Jobs: 'IF YOU LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST DAY, SOMEDAY YOU'LL MOST CERTAINLY BE RIGHT'.  That made me realize life's mysteries and truths [including the NOT so obvious truths].  That made me realize life's limitations limitations💦💦💦

Oh Oh Oh, that was the first time I got to think about death and my mortality.  Way back, living the better part of the decade knowing this, that led me to realize the directions in life.  Despite all that, there were times WHEN I still forgot this lesson as much as many of us, sometimes ending up even messing my life.  Admittedly, I knew the intellectual concept of death BUT several times in the past I forgot it as a reality until I realized then that I had to put a concrete effort for every conscious breath I have💥💥💥

All these times, I took knowing for realizing WHEN they are two quite different things. We often know WHAT is right OR wrong  BUT we get to realize it WHEN it intersects with our radius of reality and suddenly becomes all real.  A smoker reads that smoking cause heart strokes BUT he DOESNT stop until he gets hit with a minor stroke [sadly].  Knowledge itself is NOT power until we can think that knowledge is as real in our life as it is on paper😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  No one amongst us can deny the fact that this 21st century has been as chaotic and overwhelming as we have all anticipated and adding to the fact that even this is going to end one day DOESN'T help much with the motivation to live.  However, just like anything, it can be a glass half full OR half empty. NOT to scare anyone of us BUT dude, to quote, our 'LIFE IS NOT A STOPWATCH.  IT IS A COUNTDOWN TIMER' BTW'.  Back to our dilemma, Sometimes, We Take Our Life For Granted [Only To Realize That We Got ONE LIFE]!!!

How Often Are You Late?

How Often Are You Late?

Supposedly, being LATE should never be a talking point, right?  How Often Are You Late?  Many psychologists do warn us to NEVER downplay and NEVER under-estimate that issue of being LATE because according to them, there are deep-rooted personality characteristics at play, making lateness a very difficult habit to break.  A blunt analogy is, telling a late person to be on time is like telling a dieter NOT to eat much📙📗📘

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By a stretch, if it were that easy, then we WON'T hear about 'weight watchers'.  NOW, to tackle the bull by its horn, if being LATE is an issue, let's ask ourselves, WHAT KIND OF LATE are you?  The first step towards laziness is self-awareness.  Sit down and go over your own patterns.  Are you LATE to everything OR just some things? HOW do you feel WHEN you're late?  WHAT causes one to run behind?  Frankly, IF you're always LATE by roughly the same amount of time, that could be a psychological hurdle, right???

On the other hand, if your LATENESS is quite erratic, like late by 10 minutes at one time and by 30 minutes another time, your problem will more likely be 'mechanical' more than anything else.  Then, the mountain slopes DON'T seem too steep to climb because likely, it's your time management skills that needs to work. Surprisingly, there are various types of person that could be struggling with being LATE😕😕😕

There's the DEADLINER, one WHO enjoys the rush at the last minute, one WHO thrives on urgency and often claims to work best WHEN under pressure.  Oh, really?  Then there's the PRODUCER who needs to get things done in as little time as possible, one WHO feels better about oneself WHEN he's checking things off a massive TO-DO list.  And these PRODUCERS tend to engage in 'magical thinking'.  Then, there's the absent-minded professor vulnerable to distraction as they often lose track of time, misplacing the car key and even missing appointments❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Let's agree on this baseline, that is, people typically identify with more than one LATENESS personality.  So, WHAT is making you LATE?   Watch yourself carefully to identify WHAT is actually making you LATE.  BTW, texting that "I'LL BE 5 MINUTES LATE" DOESN'T absolve you OR buy you any extra time.  So, HOW OFTEN ARE YOU LATE???

What To Do Next When We're Feeling DISCOURAGED

What To Do Next When We're Feeling DISCOURAGED

Nothing earth-shaking to hear from you OR me that we're feeling discouraged.  Obviously, that's the roller-coaster reality of life.  BUT What To Do Next When We're Feeling DISCOURAGED?  Hey dude, everyone deals with discouragement at some point in our life.  That's part of WHAT makes the human experience rich enough, with all the HIGHs and the LOWs.  IF we never experience the LOWs, then we WON'T appreciate the HIGHs.  Discouragement, disappointment, failure and setbacks, these are all things that can help us if we maintain an empowering mindset.  The key to life is to learn from these experiences, and minimize the amount of time that we allow ourselves to stay discouraged.  The question we got to answer is, WHAT DO WE DO NEXT WHEN discouraged???

Culling from experts' advisories, they always ask us to TAKE THE LONG VIEW.  Discouragement generally occurs WHEN our expectations [WHAT we think we should happen] DON'T align with reality [WHAT actually happens].  In many cases, our expectations are unrealistic and this often has to do with HOW long we think things should ever happen, if at all💧💧💧

And how about FAILURE?  Fortunately, experts around counsel us that there is NO such thing called FAILURE.  Instead, they call that as EDUCATION.  Like WHEN we feel we have failed at something, discouragement comes close to the heels.  However, failure DOESN'T really exist EXCEPT for the meaning that we give it and for the weight we tend to amplify💥💥💥

WHAT comes next, let's stick to our guns, to our vision.  if we are feeling discouraged, think about your vision.  Think about WHAT we want to create in our life.  See it clearly.  Feel WHAT it would feel like IF the image came into reality.  WHAT would this mean for us?  How would we feel?  Once we see it, and feel it, we will also feel empowered and our discouragement will dissipate.  Over and above all these, let us NOT let our ego get in the way of our development.  Our ego is often the primary cause of our feelings of disappointment and discouragement.  It DOESN'T have to be this way😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  WHENEVER we feel discouraged, first things first, let's STOP comparing ourselves to others [because if we're drowning by then, we will get fatally drowned in a bit by then].  If there's a simple mantra for us to cultivate, it is the fact that each of us has its own unique path in life.  A sure-fire 100% guaranteed way to get discouraged is to focus on other people in a comparative way.  WHY?  It's because we will end up seeing WHAT they have and WHAT we DON'T have?  Bluntly, that will be the last nail on one's coffin, if I may say so!!!

Let's GET OFF THE FENCE!

Let's GET OFF THE FENCE!

Time to dip our hand into the cookie jar when it comes to relationships!  HOW often do we hear couples often struggle and SIT ON THE FENCE?  With WHAT you see OR what you are aware of [either as a family member OR being one of the coterie of close friends, you might attest that 'that' couple are trying [BUT do they, really?].  Instead, either one OR both will wait for the other to change, to cave in, to waver, and they still think it can go on FOREVER!@#$%?  Dude, before the waters break loose, Let's GET OFF THE FENCE!!!

NOW, what's kind of puzzling is WHAT causes people to get stuck up, SITTING ON THE FENCE?  Oh Oh, this is NO rocket science though.  Psychologists all sing the same tune, that to break this vicious pattern, either/and/or the protagonists need to take DECISIVE action.  Either you gather all your gumption to push for real, concrete behavioral changes OR if that is next to impossible, part ways!!!

HOW often have you heard stories like these WHICH undoubtedly pushes us to think these are concocted fiction stories:  A couple have been together for 7 years but for the last year or so, it's been a STRUGGLE for both, to say the least.  They briefly separated for a few weeks then got back together.  They then talk about breaking up, then giving it a try that lasts a couple of days, then they fall back into talking about breaking up AGAIN!!!

Sounds familiar?  Absolutely dude.  That kind of couple continue to SIT ON THE FENCE and either/and/or would waffle back and forth.  They both manifest ambivalence and the worst thing about ambivalence is that it is damn contagious because WHEN you waffle, the other person waffles too OR in the end, each is waiting for the other to initiate a concrete move that can turn into a blink contest.  BUT how long will that last???

Our takeaway:  This is a case as simple as a black OR white, a yes OR no.  BUT frankly, there are just two options at hand, namely, to mutually endeavor to work things out as a COMMITMENT but if that ends up like a boogie dance, waffling and waffling, you are left with NO other option BUT to separate, really a difficult pill to swallow especially WHEN you are overwhelmed with all these intangibles.  Bottomline is, our mutual aim should be to break OLD PATTERNS of treading water, complaining, and NOT decisively acting.  Else, you will remain in that punishing vicious cycle.  Dude, LET'S GET OFF THE FENCE and decide!!!

What Value Can You Bring To The Table?

What Value Can You Bring To The Table?

Through the years, I lost count of the interviews I hosted as the hiring manager for various roles cutting across management, leadership, associate and even entry-level job roles.  What Value Can You Bring To The Table?  Oh, that was my favorite one-line opener and I hope I DON'T get questioned for it because let's face it, the interview process is meant for the interviewee to impress that he/she is the best candidate for the job role and for us hiring managers, we'd like to short-list them and figure out the 'cream of the crop' before we make a decision📗📙📘

BUT whether it's a job interview process OR you are wooing the 'girl of your life' OR you are worming your way into a certain group WHO share the same advocacies you are pushing, we will likely end up with the same question 'WHAT WILL YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?"  And it's NOT a Mount Rushmore kind of question as long as you're sincere😀😀😀

BUT let's place things at the right perspective.  Either way, good people DON'T need to beg at all.  WHO like to?  And most people with healthy self-esteem WON'T do it either and WHO can blame them?  Nevertheless, if someone will pose you that question, IF you can stifle your nausea long enough to answer the question a different way, you might find that the 'questioner' is NOT a pompous idiot after all, BUT only someone WHO HASN'T questioned OR departed from that traditional script of asking that question.  And let's NOT feel slighted OR offended because that frame-shifting question is/was NOT meant to put you down at all❌❌❌

I always coasted with these Q&A kind of situations with an open mind.  NO way should you entertain NEGATIVITIES because that can even blur your thought process.  Moreover, I always harped on the analogy that for every product, there has to be a salesman and I always vouched that a product is as good as the salesman is [and NOT the other way]❎❎

Our takeaway:  I remember WHEN I was relatively a rookie in the workplace and there I was, ending up with job interviews every few years [no thanks to my headhunters then WHO permanently saved my CV/Resume's in their archives] and I always told myself, I can be the best product ever BUT everything hinges on my shoulder as to HOW I will sell my very own self as a product.  So, WHAT VALUE CAN YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?  Get back on your bare knuckles and rattle off that long list of exemplary and outstanding traits you have.  Good luck dude in your endeavors!!!

Don't Be A Headless Chicken By Losing Your Identity

Don't Be A Headless Chicken By Losing Your Identity

With many things happening in our life, our SENSE OF SELF refers to our perception of the collection of our characteristics that define us.  Our personality traits, abilities, likes and dislikes our belief system and morals, and the things that motivate us, these all do contribute to our self-image, our unique identity as a person.  And people WHO can easily describe these aspects of their identity typically have a fairly strong sense of WHO they are.  Thing is,  Don't Be A Headless Chicken By Losing Your Identity📗📙📘

Studies showed that people WHO can easily describe their aspects of their identity typically have a fairly strong sense of WHO you are.  IF EVER at some point we seem to be struggling to name more than a few of our characteristics might point to a less defined SENSE OF SELF.  It's true that we DON'T spend so much time consciously thinking about our own identity BUT it still affects our life though.  Knowing WHO we are allows us to live with purpose and develop the satisfying relationships we deserve, WHICH, at the end of the day psychologists claim will contribute to an overall good emotional health.  So, you might pester me, WHY is it so important to keep our identity, our SENSE OF SELF💥💥💥

And this brings us as to what living authentically is all about.  Having a well-developed SENSE OF SELF will be hugely beneficial in helping us make our choices in life.  It could be as trivial as your favorite foods to even those larger concerns like your personal values, knowing WHAT comes from our own self versus WHAT comes from others would make things easier for us to accept our own SENSE OF SELF💚💗💛

On the other hand, for the sake of our discussion, let's assume lack a clearly defined SENSE OF SELF.  Even on the surface, it will lead us to situations wherein it makes it tough to know exactly WHAT you want.  And if you feel uncertain OR indecisive WHEN it comes time to make important choices, WHAT is quite scary is if you may end up struggling to make any choice at all.  WHAT's scarier here is the probability that we might end up drifting through life, carried and influenced by other people and circumstances💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  You might get back to me as to WHERE does our SENSE OF SELF will fall on the spectrum?  Perhaps you would notice a pattern of making choices based on WHAT you think other people want from you.  OR maybe you DON'T have many ambitions OR deep-seated passions and simply feel content to go with the flow. And this could boil down to a very curt but incisive question to ourselves:  DO YOU SAY YES TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY?  Oh yes, that's totally fine to accommodate others 'SOMETIMES' BUT IF you always agree to WHAT others want, you likely AREN'T living for yourself. Defining yourself mostly by relationships with others OR your ability to please your loved ones can suggest a 'LESS DEVELOPED' SENSE OF SELF within you.  In a nutshell, DON'T BE A HEADLESS CHICKEN BY LOSING YOUR IDENTITY❗❗❗

Focus On Yourself, PERIOD

Focus On Yourself, PERIOD

WHEN was the last time you stopped to consider your needs without also taking into account WHAT someone else needs.  So, WHAT does Focus On Yourself mean?  Focusing on yourself means prioritizing your OWN needs and desires rather than those of other people.  That DOESN'T mean you're actively working against others.  It simply means you AREN'T depleting yourself to make them happy.  I recall hearing someone share his insights WHEREIN he said it's helpful to think of your life as a garden with each flower representing a component of your well-being, comparing it to the Daffodils as representing work demands, roses as your romantic relationship, daisies as friendships📗📘📙

So, this brings us back one full circle.  WHY is it important to focus on yourself?  If your life is a garden, focusing on yourself is about refilling your watering can, so you can continue to care for each aspect of your life.  Even like making time for your hobbies and big goals can help boost our self-esteem.  And that improved self-worth can likely overflow into your work and even your relationships.  And to borrow an opinion by psychologists, "YOU'LL HAVE POSITIVE ENERGY WHEN YOU'RE AROUND OTHERS".  As an analogy, taking time for yourself can also help you identify the flowers that demand too much water❎❎❎

As an example, you might end a toxic relationship to better focus on your career OR you might change jobs to have more time with your family.  This may feel like being selfish at first.  BUT actually, stepping back is an opportunity to improve yourself and refocus on WHAT you want in your life.  BUT let's face it, finding the 'right balance' is damn difficult.  With multifarious competing priorities in our life, our tendency to try doing everything all in one go can be and assuredly draining.  So, WHERE do we go from here???

Heeding the advice of experts, let us recognize that "NO" by itself is a complete sentence.  In some cases, it may be helpful to provide a reason for setting boundaries in life.  LIKE WHEN you need 'space' from your best friend OR significant other, a conversation may help protect the relationship.  BUT in most instances, though, a conversation may help protect the relationship.  BUT in most instances, you DON'T have to justify yourself.  IF you DON'T want to attend a party, a simple curt advice LIKE "I CAN'T MAKE IT BUT THANKS FOR INVITING ME" will be acceptable, right???

Our takeaway:  At the end of the day, we need to let people feel HOW they will feel.  If someone is hurt because you're spending time on yourself, WHY DON'T we allow them to process their feelings as well as they have the right to their emotions just as you have the right to your space.  Yesirrrrrs, eventually people will get used to your newly delineated 'boundary'.  And in case they DON'T support you taking care of yourself, that may help you safely conclude that MAYBE they DON'T deserve to be clubbed as part of those WHOM you consider as your "GREAT" friends.   Bottomline is, BE KIND TO YOURSELF [way prior to extending your kindness elsewhere].  Yes, it is very noteworthy to take care of others BUT NOTHING BEATS SELF-CARE [HOW can you take care of others then if you are unwell]???

How's Your HAPPINESS FLOW?

How's Your HAPPINESS FLOW?

Do you ever find yourself so completely immersed with WHAT you're doing that you tend to lose track of time?  All of a sudden you look up the time and realize that hours have passed and you missed your meal?  Let's pause and think a minute about this.  WHEN does this loss of time and total engagement typically occur for you?  True, this loss of consciousness that happens WHEN you are completely absorbed in an activity has been coined by psychologists as that STATE OF FLOW.  And in order for a FLOW STATE to occur, you must see the activity as voluntary, enjoyable, and it must require skill and be challenging with clear goals towards success.  Hobbies such as chess are a great example of implementing and experiencing that STATE OF FLOW.  Yes, I admit I spend on average, an hour for my chess games on my smartphone as this dovetails to our HAPPINESS FLOW???

So, How's Your HAPPINESS FLOW?  A growing body of scientific evidence indicates that flow is highly correlated with HAPPINESS.  Studies also show that people WHO experience a lot of FLOW regularly also develop other positive behavioral traits like increased concentration, self-esteem and performance.  With today's age of growing distractions, frustrations and uncertainties, let's admit it's difficult to attain genuine HAPPINESS💦💦💦

BUT there is hope though.  And psychologist advise us to start by lowering our stress levels as studies show, that leads to one's improved resilience in the face of adversity.  And we're advised that on the surface, let us be incisive to detect when our mind starts to be 'WANDERING' because at worst, it could lead to a spiral of despair.  Hurdling it could give you a head start going into that 'HAPPY ZONE' when we're expected to be completely engaged and absorbed, WHERE time flies happily by and WHERE toxic thoughts are banished from our mind❌❌❌

Moreover, we are advised to identify and build our personal HAPPINESS-boosting inner strengths to make us even stronger.  A recent study showed that people WHO identified their key strength and used it in a new way each week did significantly increase HAPPINESS and conversely reduce depression.  BUT the challenge for us is to discover within yourself how to better deal with adversity [WHEN it hits us hard] and taking the next step of building strong relationships with our family and friends.  At the end of that path, we should reap the benefits of developing gratitude with an unbridled optimism of our future😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  Barring outliers that can be attributed to 'Acts of God' [AOG], psychologists assure us that we have that human capability to enhance our ability to recognize and celebrate the simple pleasures in our daily life as they occur.  And without veering our careers towards psychology, we are encouraged to increase our awareness as regards POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY for us to focus to strengthening our character to enable us to build a life of meaning and purpose [and move BEYOND just surviving and flourish instead.  So, HOW'S YOUR HAPPINESS FLOW, dude?  That's NOT a long shot to achieve❗❗❗

Tough Times DON'T Last. Tough People DO.

Tough Times DON'T Last.  Tough People DO.

At some points [and probably many times more for some] in our life, financial discouragement plagues all of us from time to time.  So, IF you're discouraged by your situation today, there are some things you can do to counter those feelings and even ramifications arising from your situation.  BUT over and above, the most important thing to consider is that Tough Times DON'T Last.  Tough People DO.  This may be an oft-quoted one-liner but this says a mouthful.  One day your next-door neighbor came home with a brand new SUV and you end up overwhelmed with those feelings of desire and even envy.  WHEREAS before you could buy a new car, times could have changed, things are 'different' now📗📙📘

BUT WHEN things change, please DON'T take it NEGATIVELY.  Maybe things changed now because you DON'T make financial-related decisions impulsively [as in the past WHEN you even seem to live a life of a one-day millionaire].  By that time, the car you amortized is now fully paid and it meets your family's current needs.  BUT still those feelings are bubbling up [unfortunately].  And just as soon as you recognize them, WHAT should we do?  Start ERASING those destructive attitudes that seem to be creeping back [to life].  BUT HOW?  Immediately and instantly replace those thoughts of your 'financial freedom' you're enjoying now.  NOT paying those cut-throat bank interest rates.  NOT getting tied to the atrocious insurance premiums rammed through your throat as a condition by your banker/creditor.  In short, try to instantly replace NEGATIVITIES with POSITIVE ones💧💧💧

BUT here's the catch.  NO one else can become your surrogate counsellor WHO can help you fight off those NEGATIVITIES.  BUT regardless of the tough circumstances we face in life, the fact is there is always HOPE even in the worst situation.  Over four years ago WHEN I started my personal blogsite, I never had the slightest intention of turning this into more or less a permanent venture [non-profit, BTW] nor did I realize that this will carry me this long and this far because honestly, I would give credit to the Covid-19 pandemic for triggering me to exploit to the hilt my blogging capabilities.  BUT it does and here I am.  Though, NOT without challenges.  And certainly NOT without some levels of appreciation with me sometimes hitting the LOWs, and sometimes hitting the HIGHs.  And a few times, I am squeezed between my passion for blogging versus those times when I need to go offline [for days] to go on a holiday💥💥💥

Looking back, me thinks that perhaps it was that eternal optimism that has gotten me this far in the first place. And the prospect of eventual success worthy of the sacrifices made by pursuing writing like a pseudo full-time commitment and even entertaining the thoughts of pursuing my blogging and foregoing that uncontested security of a full time job.  BUT the truth is, there are days WHEN I feel I am tested and challenged to 'stay the course' and NOT to 'jump ship'.  BUT lest we forget, challenges do persist from time to time.  BTW, challenges can't be stricken off permanently.  So, WHAT we need to do is to develop that character to handle that success 'WAITING' to reward our perseverance down the road😊😊😊

Our takeaway:  Truth is, one's character is never developed by those WHO are handed or born into success [ like those fortunate scions WHO were born with a silver spoon].  Instead, we need to develop that character to give us that needed depth and achieve a brighter perspective WHEN we do make it, because by then, we would have 'earned' that level of success we have hungered for so long.  In a nutshell, just like the seasons that change and the clouds that give way to the sun, we must remember that so do our circumstances.  NO challenge, regardless of HOW intense, is permanent.  TOUGH TIMES DON'T LAST.  TOUGH PEOPLE DO!!!