Will We Regret [Later In Life] If We Were Either PASSIVE Or AGGRESSIVE?

Will We Regret [Later In Life] If We Were Either PASSIVE Or AGGRESSIVE?

At many points in our lives, rather than be passive OR aggressive, we tend to be 'PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE' but alas, many of us tend to be NOT aware of it.  Will We Regret [Later In Life] If We Were Either PASSIVE Or AGGRESSIVE?  BUT let's be mindful that things can be situational.  For instance, if you've had your car in to a repair shop several times for the same problem and they want to charge you for fixing it again, you can stamp your foot down by being verbally aggressive, that might accomplish your agenda📗📙📘

Conversely, if you are confronted with an irrational person, a self-protective PASSIVE response of walking away may be the best way to go.  And while I always pitched that communications styles we choose should be based n the outcome we want, when it comes to managing our life, the wild question is should be passive OR conservative by playing it safe and avoiding risks, where possible, because you're aiming for modest goals of just going through in life?  OR would you be aggressive enough by being adventurous and take on the risks with the expectation that you can win BIG and succeed BIG💧💧💧

If communication problems are interfering in your relationships, it might be a good idea to examine WHETHER you have PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE behavior.  By recognizing WHEN you have that PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE approach, you can opt to change your pattern and develop better relationships .  The thing is, we need to constantly review even our own behavior because there is NO ONE SIZE THAT FITS ALL💥💥💥

Experts claim that in their studies, the behavior of being PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE can either be 'self protective' in some way OR it is a learned behavior and it can occur because of either of the following considerations:

• Learned communication patterns - Unless we deliberately seek out new methods of communication, we tend to use the ones that we learned early in life

• Fear of rejection - Some people are afraid that if they are 'DIRECT', the other person may reject their request.  As such, the PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE behavior allows the person to deny responsibility if confronted 

Our takeaway:  WHETHER you would opt to be PASSIVE or AGGRESSIVE in achieving your goals in life, circumstances should dictate when you should be conservative to avoid taking risks OR decide to take on risks [without regrets]😌😌😌

How Non-Progression Can Be Progress?

How Non-Progression Can Be Progress?

How often would you hear your 'gym buff' friend say, 'I KEEP WORKING OUT, BUT I'M NOT SEEING PROGRESS'.  While others would seem to gripe like "I'VE BEEN GRINDING FOR DONKEY YEARS BUT NOTHING HAS CHANGED".  How Non-Progression Can Be Progress?  There is NO simple answer for this conundrum but the fact is, PROGRESSION is NEVER linear, NOT to anyone anytime📗📙📘

And there's a long list of reasons why sometimes, we seem to have stalled, with NO visible progression at all.  WHAT befuddles us sometimes is WHEN we start comparing our own situation with others.  You'll question WHY you and your buddy enrolled in the gym classes at the same time, with the same schedules, same frequency and here's your buddy now, showing off the results as to HOW fit he is💥💥💥

BUT hold on, before we end up in a fierce discourse, can we agree that different people have different progressions.  There is NO common timeline shareable across your coterie of friends, your colleagues or even within your family.  And even for those who seem to have stalled with NO progress at all, it will be grossly unfair to make a premature judgment call that someone has failed because he has NOT progressed.  Unknown to everyone else, maybe the person him/herself has a much bigger challenge at hand, a gargantuan issue that will take much more time and efforts for him to exert.  WHEREAS it could be a breeze for another colleague, even if they are in the same program💦💦💦

Trainings are classic stories because it is never easy and there could be tons of reasons WHY people quit the iron game.  Allow me to even say that if the training was easy [IF AT ALL], then everyone would be big, strong, ripped, name it.  BUT it's NOT and it will NOT be because it will be either hard or damn hard.  And I WOULDN'T have it any other way.  Any results you achieve, you have to earn that all by yourself.  NO one can do the work for you, and that's WHAT I have fully embraced as well.  Many times, I would hear that the average life span of a competitor in strenuous programs is about three years BUT again, strength sports may NOT be for everyone, in the first place😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  Regardless if we are talking about life goal plans or trainings, allow me to cull from the tips from experts:

• Stick to that program, even if you are stalled.
• If you can't stick to a schedule, do what's doable
• Taking breaks too long may further stall you.
• Where possible, avoid/minimize distractions

At the end of the day, even NON-PROGRESSION can be PROGRESS in itself ❗❗❗

Stop Trying Harder!!!

Stop Trying Harder!!!

When we were children, we often felt confident.  We had that spark of innocence and joy, and we DIDN'T know WHAT it was to feel inadequate.  BUT as we grow up, our worlds get bigger and simply more complex.  As a result, we start to wonder IF we're good enough for this world.  We might even compare ourselves to others OR set unrealistic expectations for ourselves based on other people's standards.  This is particularly the case WHEN it comes to to perfectionism.  Listen dude.  Stop Trying Harder!!!

True, WHENEVER we want to do something, it has to be done just right, even if this means spending hours on end agonizing over WHAT simple word should go in a sentence OR WHICH outfit looks the best.  A common culprit for all these is our tendency to veer towards PERFECTIONISM.  And one of the best ways to stop BEING HARD on yourself is to understand the very roots of one's PERFECTIONISM.  For some, it might be that they NEVER got the support they needed growing up.  For others, it might be their FEAR OF FAILURE.  WHATEVER the reason is, understanding WHY you are so HARD ON YOURSELF is the very first step to overcoming it💧💧💧

Take some time for yourself to really think about WHAT your perfectionism means.  WHAT are you trying to achieve?  WHAT are you afraid of if you DON'T succeed?  WHAT would happen if you just accepted that you're NOT perfect and that's okay?  Once you are able to answer these questions, it will be easier to take the next step WHICH is, letting go of your PERFECTIONISM, if at all.  BUT experts tell us that in their researches, they have proven that there are also other ways you can stop BEING HARD ON YOURSELF if this DOESN'T work for you.  And topping the list is to FIND SUPPORT.  If you find that you're BEING HARD ON YOURSELF, it's time to stop💥💥💥

So WHAT's our next step?  It's to find someone you can talk about your struggles.  This could be a friend, a family member or even a co-worker WHOM you can trust and comfortable to talk to, with regard your struggles.  Talking to someone about the things that are troubling you will allow you to gain perspective on the situation.  The last thing you can [HARSHLY] do for yourself is to cloister and lock yourself on your own❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Sometimes [and probably MANY TIMES], our situations in life are NOT as complex as they seem.  And frankly, sometimes [and probably MANY TIMES], we are guilty for making our situation complex and maybe miserable.  Please consider to also take time for yourself every day.  TURN OFF your mobile phone, put your smart device away, spend time alone.  Doing this will allow you to come back to the world feeling refreshed and ready to take on the next step❗❗❗

Restocking Your Pond

Restocking Your Pond

Our life runs through terrains with peaks and valleys.  And as you thread farther, it should be a no-brainer that our future is NEVER set in stone BUT we are all equipped at least with a pen and paper to write a good plan ahead.  To build up on your resources, establishing networks and even securing your property and life will always be part of your plan and budget.  Truth is, you CAN'T predict WHAT the next minute will bring forth.  BUT instead, let's consider Restocking Your Pond📗📙📘

Thus, it just makes sense for us to be preparing to face and be confronted with complicated future situations and even those unforeseen events as they come to save you from unnecessary headaches and even distress.  BUT alas, when the sun is shining and dandy, that's WHEN we forget that we got to be RESTOCKING OUR POND✅✅✅

Essentially, we got to have that ability to wield our own power to call the shots in our life.  You DON'T want to be sailing rudderless out in the high seas.  So, if ever you are RESTOCKING YOUR POND, at some point WHEN you want to call it quits, you will make that decision on the basis of that self assurance that you're ready for the next phase in your life because all along, you did the RESTOCKING of YOUR POND.  It's akin WHEN you go on a holiday away from work OR business, you do it without worrying about anything💥💥💥

Similarly, if something happens out of nowhere, you are ready to face even the unpredictable twists and turns in your life.  In short, planning for your future is more about creating and accomplishing your goals, getting your finances in order, and knowing WHAT to do the very next minute.  You want to wake up daily knowing WHERE to go and WHAT to do to stay in line with your plans and goals✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  True, many people do struggle many times in their life even as they endeavor to achieve their life goals.  Alas, WHEN they feel they have everything planned, a misfortune takes them back to square one.  Getting your life planned and everything organized gives you fulfillment, completeness and self-energization.  Dude, you DON'T want to RESTOCK YOUR POND when the downpours will trigger floods that will eventually sweep you away.  RESTOCK YOUR POND dude❗❗❗

How's Your NEGOTIATION SKILLS?

How's Your NEGOTIATION SKILLS?

If there's a HOT POTATO in our hand BUT WHEN it's crunch time, it becomes too HOT to handle, it all boils down as to How's Is Your NEGOTIATION SKILLS.  BUT one thing many negotiators agonize over, it's WHAT is left with you if and WHEN negotiations DON'T work out?  Experts have coined 'BATNA' [Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement] which in simple words, it is WHAT you're left with if a given negotiation DOESN'T work out.  And they say that BATNA is critical as it determines your leverage in life's most important negotiations.  And if you feel pretty good about your BATNA, you will likely 'STICK TO YOUR GUNS' and NOT negotiate as hard and in the negotiations, you may even concede to make things work📗📙📘

BUT here's the key.  Some negotiators seem to believe that hard-bargaining tactics are the key to succeed in negotiations.  WHEN things turn from bad to worse, they can even resort to threats, extreme demands and even unethical behavior with the sole intent to eke out the upper hand in the negotiations.  In truth, negotiators WHO fall back on hard bargaining strategies in negotiations are typically betraying a lack of understanding about the gains that can be achieved in such negotiations💧💧💧

So the curious question could be, WHY do some negotiators would fall back on a hard bargaining stance?  At that point, such negotiators convey that they view such negotiation as a 'WIN-LOSE' proposition.  They're willing to take that risk with that 'ALL or NOTHING' approach and most often, this scenario happens in business negotiations.  WHAT needs to be WATCHED OUT is if negotiations to mend or repair a relationship [between spouses, partners and family] end up in a 'hard boiled' stance❎❎❎

Now, WHETHER we end up in personal OR business-related negotiations, it pays to get familiarized with at least the basic negotiation skills.  Firstly, be sharp enough to detect if there are extreme demands that are followed by small OR minor concessions.  Perhaps the most common of all hard bargaining tactics, this one protects the dealmaker from making concessions too quickly.  And that keep both parties from reaching a deal and even unnecessarily drag out the negotiations.  To head off this tactic, have a clear sense of your goals, your BATNA, and DON'T be rattled off by an aggressive negotiator💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  NEVER take negotiations for granted and often times, you even up just totally unconscious that you are already in the midst of negotiations because you're angling for something which the other party is resisting.  YET many of us would miss that out and that will be a HUGE miss.  WHY?  Because, very likely you may LOSE BY DEFAULT in that negotiations you're NOT even aware of❗❗❗

What's Your CORE BELIEFS?

What's Your CORE BELIEFS?

Our thread today seems that colorless & boring.  Because talking about CORE BELIEF, it seems that way.  So, What's Your CORE BELIEFS?  CORE BELIEFS are our deeply 'entrenched' beliefs that inform and influence us as to how we see ourselves and the world.  Indeed, they have a HUGE influence on our perceptions and even our decision-making📗📙📘

Before CORE BELIEFS turn controversial, let us align that it can either be helpful, unhelpful OR simply neutral in our life.  Those unhelpful OR unrealistic CORE BELIEFS may even negatively affect our mental health and overall life satisfaction.  However, because CORE BELIEFS form such a large part of our own worldview, we may sometimes find it difficult to identify them.  It also takes time and effort to change CORE BELIEFS.  That explains WHY, all along, it's been tagged as CORE.  WHAT's rarely knew is that a person's CORE BELIEFS help govern our interactions with the outside world, and that includes one's response/reaction to stress and their relationships.  WHY? Because our CORE BELIEFS are strong enough to hold consistently over time and this BELIEF function 'rules' for HOW the world works and a person's role within it💥💥💥

As experts shared with us, these CORE BELIEFS tend to be that rigid and inflexible and they are NOT necessarily reasonable, accurate OR based on evidence.  Just look around us.  That never ending conflict in the Middle East and even the hotly contested islands in the South China Seas.  Even amongst people we know on first hand basis, you might have come across a person who fundamentally believes that he is UNLIKABLE [even if he's your friend].  The scary part of CORE BELIEFS is a person's views of others, such as the belief that humans are mostly either good OR bad, period.  That's scary indeed❎❎❎

A sampling of our CORE BELIEFS are as follows

• BELIEF about goodness - THAT they are either good OR bad.  And so are others.
• BELIEF about the likability - THAT he is either likable OR not, period 
• BELIEFS about the world - THAT the world we live in now is dangerous
• BELIEFS about competence - THAT he is intelligent and superior than others

Our takeaway:  As CORE BELIEFS play an important role in our cognitive functions, this is a fact NOT so popularly known or even accepted.  UNLESS we can identify the unhelpful automatic thoughts, UNLESS we understand the role of our thoughts in our emotional pain, and UNLESS we can adjust and replace those irrational BELIEFS with ones that are reasonable, balanced and accurate enough, we can be doomed to fail even at the very start.  What a PROBLEM, if at all❗❗❗

If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be

If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be

IF there's a one-liner that seems to sound so cruel and overused at that, it's "If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be".  Likely you would hear this OVER and OVER again as people tend to say this quite often with regard any situation that has NOT gone the way they had planned OR hoped.  They put it down to some superior force controlling their lives NOT allowing them to experience themselves.  WHEN a relationship fails, WHEN someone fails a job interview, WHEN a business fails, we would hear this one-liner over and over again.  The truth is, the statement itself is absolutely true BUT the way in which it is used to determine future events is disturbing to say the least because the future can't be combined with the past📗📙📘

The mix-up here is that this one-liner implies that everything is OUT OF CONTROL when, in fact, we have control over our actions at every given moment.  We also have the power to create our realities as we choose, we have influence over matter and energy and it is that influence that creates.  Every present moment represents infinite number of possibilities.  We use our power of choice to determine WHICH of those possibilities we opt for.  If you see the woman of your dreams walking by you in the street, you have a choice which is, you can either walk over to her and say hello OR you can just let her walk by without taking any action💢💢💢

Of course, there is a good chance that she may think that you are a complete 'wierdo'  for approaching her randomly BUT what the heck, you may never see her again, right?  So, you might consider to taking that shot, even it's a long shot and make the most of it, because it is your attitude and conviction then that determines the flow of the situation.  The other issue with that statement is that the underlying thought is that there is a 'Godly' force of sorts that is sitting 'up there' deciding WHAT is the best for you even if it's something you DON'T like.  Can you see the trouble with the thought like that?  If I go for a job interview with the thought that  "IF IT'S MEANT FOR ME, I'LL GET THE JOB, ELSE I DON'T", likely you will NOT get the job because your heart is just NOT there in your head💧💧💧

Got that mix-up?  WHY should you even be angling for that job at all if it is GOD who will decide WHAT's best for you?  And that GOD will deliver to your door the job HE intends for you.  Quite absurd right?  If you ever catch yourself in the act, of having that thought, gently tell yourself: "WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED IS OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING' and you have the power to choose and create your PRESENT and your FUTURE as you wish it to be💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  In life, it's always a CHOICE and if you want to ask HOW will you know it?  Try it for yourself.  Get to the edge and precipice of things and if you need to cross the bridge, so be it.  It's true that the threat of NEGATIVITY is very much embedded within us and it constantly threatens us BUT DON'T let it overpower you because it is you now seated behind the steering wheel and you have to steer yourself towards the path forward.  Nothing should stop you.  NOT even your NEGATIVE mindset because IF IT'S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE❗❗❗

The Best You Can Conjure Up!

The Best You Can Conjure Up!

Let's face it, office life and work routines can sometimes become a bit drab.  WHEN you live a life full of Excel spreadsheets and those endless trails of email threads, it can be easy to get caught up in your short-term office goals and projects and at worse, it can even become challenging to remember your long-term hopes and dreams.  And if you catch yourself forgetting WHAT it feels like to feel inspired [WHETHER that means to be motivated OR to achieve greater things in life], you got to be a BETTER YOU.  So WHAT'S The Best You Can Conjure Up📘📙📗

Dreaming to run in a marathon?  YES, show up, be the BEST YOU CAN CONJURE UP!  You may NOT have prior experience BUT the very first step is lacing up your shoes and hitting the pavement.  And even if in the end you can only make it at the halfway mark, at the very least, you are 2% closer to your goal than if you DIDN'T put in any work at all💧💧💧

YES, whatever situation you are in right now, you need to START FROM THE BEGINNING.  You DON'T just happen to stumble upon the best version of yourself.  Instead, you need to START FROM THE BEGINNING and take a high number of small steps in order to become WHAT you envision yourself.  So WHAT'S The Best You Can Conjure Up???

BUT let us NOT lose sight of the fact that the BEST VERSION of yourself should be reflective of your vision [and NOT anybody else's].  We are warned NOT to waste our energy trying to live up to WHAT somebody else wants you to be.  Heard of those 'old school' stories WHERE a parent wants the child to become a doctor, OR the daughter to be married to the scion of a magnate?  Resist falling prey to those 'old school' way of life because those were the wrong ways to go❌❌❌

Our takeaway:  Let's NOT sweat the details.  Just make sure you are moving in the right direction.  You probably DON'T have the knowledge you need today to know the shortest path to your happiness five years from today BUT you probably have some idea about how to move in the right direction.  YES, DON'T count the hours as they DON'T matter.  Think about the last time you ran on a treadmill to be the BEST YOU CAN CONJURE UP💥💥💥

Is Doomscrolling Here For Good?

Is Doomscrolling Here For Good?

For alignment, Mr AI defines Doomscrolling as that 'ACT OF SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME CONSUMING NEGATIVE NEWS OR OTHER CONTENT ONLINE'.  And WHAT happens next?  Those feelings of anxiety, envy, sadness, and even insecurity, self-pity OR anger, amongst others.  BUT Is Doomscrolling Here For Good?  Me thinks that [that] vicious cycle will be here for good UNLESS we break it off!@#$%?

Before being accused of being 'judgmental', I'll take my case as an example.  First off, how much time do I spend browsing the internet everyday?  I'll admit I churn out a huge amount of time.  Next question, HOW DO I SPEND THAT BROWSING time?  It's true my attention gets caught with breaking news like the recent resignation of the Japan Prime Minister, that hurried escape to Russia of the former Syrian Dictator Bashar Al-Assad.  YES, I'm even literally tracking the TOTAL TRANSFORMATION of Syria's current leader Ahmed al-Sharaa [from a notorious Islamic radical to a revered statesman NOW]💥💥💥

SO?  How different is my browsing then [someone might challenge me]?  I would browse for POSITIVE breaking news, to witness the unfolding of new POSITIVE chapters across the world.  LIKE although I'm NOT a Malaysian, everyday, I do 'skim read' [on a daily basis] at least its 3 major Malaysian news portals, namely nst.com.my, thestar.com.my and malaymail.com primarily to follow Malaysian domestic updates like every overseas trip of its Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim [like these past days he visited UK then is now attending the Davos World Economic Forum].  WHAT else am I following?  That American 'RENNAISANCE' when President Donald Trump swore [again] as its President and in his maiden speech as President, he vociferously declared that 'PROTECTING AMERICA' is his #1 priority💚💛💜

Of course I have to admit that part of my browsing includes my eagerness to hear updates from England's royal family [a few days back, I confided to my cousin's British hubby that my interest to hear and read 'anything' about England's royal family is driven by the fact that [even as a non-British], I am hoping that Prince William and Prince Harry will, one day, reconcile] because I pity seeing that 'HUGE DIVIDE' between them.  To think they DON'T have any other sibling.  And I CAN'T stop commiserating with families having just 2 siblings and YET, having a 'HUGE DIVIDE'  between such 2 siblings [because I am firm believed in the FAMILY being the basic structure and foundation we should have in life]❗❗❗

So, is there a DOOMSCROLLING BREAKTHROUGH for us?  YES dude, let's NOT give up.  Sharing this from Medium.com: A bad habit is difficult to remove WHEN we DON'T have something to replace it [makes sense?]  LIKE if I have been scrolling for hours WHEN I'm in my leisure time OR if I DIDN'T know WHAT to do.  If I remove DOOMSCROLLING WHAT do I do in my leisure time?  Trying to avoid doing nothing OR bored in a free time, now I'm stuck with doing nothing because of NOTHING in replace.  QUICK FIX?  Here comes the 'SANDWHICH METHOD' via the BEFORE-REWARD-AFTER, that is:  READ for 1 minute then SCROLL [as much as you want] then end up with reading to close that DOOMSCROLLING loop.  And gradually, increase your READING time BEFORE and AFTER, maybe by very modest increments of 1-2 minutes.  So, IS DOOMSCROLLING HERE FOR GOOD?  Not so dude, if we want to FIX it❗❗❗

Can Our Mindset Be Better Than A Plurality Of Us?

Can Our Mindset Be Better Than A Plurality Of Us?

Can Our Mindset Be Better Than A Plurality Of Us?  Offhand, the initial reaction is that seems to be quite an aggressive and ambitious statement.  BUT we're saying just a PLURALITY and NOT a majority.  And I'm sure you've heard OR seen motivational sharings from gurus that shout at us to push harder, to go beyond your own comfort zone, to breach your supposed limits.  True, there is a fine line between a toxic masculinity movement that gained traction recently and that concept of self improvement and striving for greatness and resilience📗📙📘

YES, everyone of us should be pushing ourselves to be better.  The work that NEVER ends is the work you do on yourself.  BUT experts keep assuring us that to be better than a plurality of us does NOT mean breaking our body or even our mind.  Rather than reinvent the wheel, allow me to cull from experts their opinions the easiest ways we can adopt best practices to improve our mindset.   Topping the list is PRACTISING GRATITUDE.  But there is one conflicting theory that's causing a raging debate, that theory that IF you are grateful for the current state of your life, you CAN'T also strive for improvement for improved goals💧💧💧

Psychologists claimed in their researches that ONLY someone WHO is truly GRATEFUL can tackle something new with a positive outlook and remove that FEAR and DOUBT that sometimes goes along with the unknown.  And as per studies, once we are truly GRATEFUL, we are likely going to have a POSITIVE outlook in life, leading us to to recognize opportunities faster and be more willing to act on our plans💥💥💥

Is practicing GRATITUDE that tough and difficult?  If so, let's run this exercise.  Write a gratitude list for:

• 5 Things from your life you're GRATEFUL from your partner/spouse, family, job/work/business
• 5 Things from your life you're GRATEFUL for your resilience, intelligence, power, calm
  
• 5 Things from the world that you're GRATEFUL for like the ocean, the birds, the flowers

Our takeaway:  C'mon dude, let's get out of our COMFORT ZONE as that is one of the most important things to do for yourself That will help us embrace our growth mindset, and make us more adaptable and flexible.  Conversely, the worst thing we can do to our mindset is to stay in the same place, in favor of being comfortable!@?  BUT as much as life is NOT a competition, let's compete against ourselves.  That's ON US dude❗❗❗