Spend MORE Time To Listen To Yourself

Spend MORE Time To Listen To Yourself

This world we live in can quite rowdy and cacophonous.  I have said this many times and allow me to repeat it:  IF YOU GOT TEN PEOPLE IN THE ROOM, EXPECT TEN DIFFERENT OPINIONS HOVERING ALL OVER YOU.  And I hope that is NOT debatable because that's the fact, the harsh reality we live in. Spend MORE Time To Listen To Yourself.  Indeed, fear and anxiety about life are challenges for everyone of us.  To be more philosophical, I always believed that in this planet, there are 3 human goals that I have understood quite well enough.  THAT we need to love our fell humans.  THAT we need to learn for us to grow in knowledge and wisdom.  And THAT we got to protect our environment📗📙📘

Admittedly, until now, I always endeavor to look for ways to best listen to myself.  And I WON'T hesitate to dissect in figuring out WHY I behaved that way, WHY I am manifesting that stuff, WHY I reacted [quite NOT in a normal way] in a particular incident.  Oh yes, I did come across an article about self-confidence and even today, whenever I read a content-heavy stuff, I want to absorb it and that article just reminded me to reinforce my self-motivation, THAT there is NO tapering off.  The simple thing to listen to ourselves is to follow WHAT our conscience tells us.  And if there is a non-debatable consensus within the psychology community, it is the fact that LISTENING to one's conscience is one hundred percent correct action.  YES, it's quite different if we only depend on the thoughts in our heads💧💧💧

And I CAN'T agree less with the experts who tell us that the mind has indications to reveal even the untruths.  THAT the mind has indications of NOT speaking the truth.  As a result, we state something THAT is NOT based on facts.  And THAT WHEN an individual wants to make a decision and he does NOT use or follow his conscience BUT only relies on the thoughts in his head, the results of the decision tend to be tainted by our emotions, WHICH is NOT right❌❌❌

Looking back, starting sometime my high school years, I attempted to crystallize my goals in life, immature and quite off-track it may be during those years.  I then started diving into a new pool of life and I had to be able to find ways so that I can easily adapt to the new environment.  And many dilemmas came into my mind every night during those early years, sometimes even creeping into my dreams.  And admittedly God knows WHAT the cause was.  Maybe, those times I was NOT listening to myself.  OR NOT following WHAT I want❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Everything boils down to self-confidence.  If anxiety seems to manifest every night, the dilemma about WHETHER the life we live is useful OR not, is caused by doubt and lack of confidence.  We must always be able to listen to ourselves.  Because WHEN we succeed in listening to the basic things we want, it will give us self-confidence.  BUT HOW?  Listening to yourself is a kind of REFLECTION.  REFLECTION to listen to WHAT we want so that we DON'T get tired easily, so that we DON'T worry easily.  And in my perspective, self-confidence is about belief and that belief evolves when you SPEND MORE TIME TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF😌😌😌

Say The Words You Want To Hear

Say The Words You Want To Hear

How often we blurt out 'THAT's MUSIC TO MY EARS'?  YES it's true, Say The Words You Want To Hear, no more no less.  In pedestrian lingo, it's akin to saying 'SCRATCH MY BACK AND I'LL SCRATCH YOURS' [as well].  BUT to piggy-back with the jargon from psychologists, they tell us that the timing of our brain wave shapes HOW we perceive our environment.  And that we are MORE likely to perceive events WHEN their timing coincides with the timing of relevant brain waves.  In fact, we DON'T need to look far.  Look at yourself, comforting others with words you want to hear.  Sometimes, it does amaze me HOW I can give advice to someone even without experiencing their situation .  I vividly recall that time I was VPO [Volunteer Probation Officer] with the Singapore government.  There I was, counselling juveniles [including their parents] WHEN I was never a juvenile📗📙📘

Those years, I found myself speaking words of comfort and offering counsel, solutions and support to the juvenile delinquents under my purview and custodianship.  Looking back, I now realized that sometimes it seemed strange HOW easily those words I need to speak just kept flowing into me [AS IF I had rehearsed them many times in mind].  And I was in tight situations those times as I was like 'walking the tightrope', doing a balancing act between my counselled teens and their parents/guardians [WHO by themselves seemed lost in the maze as well]💧💧💧

And WHEN I talk to someone going through a tough time, I hear myself saying things I wish someone had said to me.  I tell them to stay strong, to keep going, that I am proud of them, and that WHEN YOU'RE DOWN , THE ONLY WAY TO GO WAS UPWARDS.  Oh Oh, I have to admit I had my fair share of challenges in life which I want to hear as well WHEN I do face my own challenges.  And trust me, I was on the receiving end many times and I realized I was blessed enough to hear those words [EVEN when I least expected].  Oh YES, I often realized that the advisories I have been giving in an unsolicited way are words that will help in encouraging others to make me feel like I am capable of handling even my fair share of challenges and problems💥💥💥

An insight here is that whenever I am giving advice to others, I do feel that SENSE OF CLARITY.  The worries that cloud my own mind seem to lift WHEN I focus on someone else's needs.  Indeed, that was always a reminder that we all need to hear positive words and that sometimes, we have to be the ones to say them [EVEN IF it's just to ourselves].  On the other hand, listening to others and offering advice helps me to see my own life from a different perspective.  I begin to understand that the strength and hope I give to others also lie within me.  And it's as though by helping them, I am helping myself to grow✅✅✅

Our takeaway: Please DON'T get me wrong.  I am NOT implying that we'll scratch someone's back ONLY IF they scratch our back too. Counselling and advising is all about manifestations of words shared NOT just for others.  Those words remind us as well that we are NOT alone, that we are strong enough, and that, on our own, we can overcome our difficulties.  That's more than a 'shot in the arm' each time we SAY WORDS WE WANT TO HEAR as well😀😀😀

What's Your 'LONG GAME'

What's Your 'LONG GAME'

Ever since I can remember, zillion times I've been asked LONG-GAME questions without realizing it.  I thought they were just expressions, colloqials or just no brainers.  Mea culpa, I missed that out, to appreciate the value of those questions.  BUT besides blaming myself, I asked myself, should I be SOLELY culpable for this miss?   BUT I came up with realizations, albeit late and overdue.  So, let's ask ourselves, What's Your 'LONG GAME'📗📙📘

I realized THAT no one in our past schools were we taught to develop that LONG-GAME mindset.  And THAT was never even discussed in dinner tables.  And THAT was neither discussed during those times you socialized with your associates OR even your own coterie of friends.  Unfortunately, late as it may be now, that LONG-GAME mindset is a decision-making approach that focuses on the long-term outcomes and impact of your decisions💧💧💧

True, in many points in our life, we're faced with decisions that go beyond short-term impact.  In those situations, we can choose to cut some corners and make a quick decision without thinking much about HOW it will play out later on.  OR we can take a more structured approach and project HOW it will look like in the long-term.  True, most of the times, we're dealing with trivial decisions that have short-term consequences.  Do I have lunch right now OR in an hour?  Do a quick stop at my parents on the way home OR spend more time with them this weekend???

BUT when we're faced with decisions that challenge our status quo, we're forced to project WHERE we want to be in the future.  And all of a sudden, our core values would then be tested and even our profound beliefs are there on the deck.  WHAT's next?  We then need to switch gears to a LONG-GAME mindset.  YES, to borrow the jargon of psychologists, the LONG-GAME is a decision-making approach that focuses on the long-term outcomes and impact of our decisions💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  LONG-GAME decisions start a chain reaction of events.  If you're still in school and you DON'T study enough, barely getting passing grades, then getting a higher degree becomes more difficult.  Then a giant chicken and egg problem begins.  True, better job opportunities require either experience OR strong credentials BUT without good credentials, it becomes harder to get good experience, it goes on and on.  Dude, let us brace for the LONG-GAME in life, there's just NO other way😗😗😗

Pull The Brakes And PAUSE

Pull The Brakes And PAUSE

Prior to the Covid-10 Pandemic hitting us hard, I was right there in the middle of the rat race, driving two hours one way from home to work and close to three hours coming home from work at the end of the day [because of the chronic traffic gridlock].  So, you SHOULDN'T be surprised if I was always looking forward to the next weekend, for a respite.  Alas, even after the Covid-19 Pandemic has finally ended, I am truly blessed because our organization continues to allow our workforce to work via the hybrid work from home model.  YET, we still need to Pull The Brakes And PAUSE📗📙📘

Alas, PAUSING seems to be the most valuable life skill there is.  WHY?  For so many reasons, PAUSING gives us that respite from the frenetic pace of our day-to-day activities.  WHO can claim that he/she lives a slow-paced laid back daily life [UNLESS one is into his retirement phase by now?]📌📌📌

NOT to egg me to hard-sell here BUT PAUSING does create that 'magical space' WHERE the path we're on can suddenly take a turn for the better.  YES, it can be a game changer.  BUT it DOESN'T come naturally though.  Being able to PAUSE requires enough mindfulness to recognize WHEN it's needed.  And then it takes even more mindfulness within the PAUSE [itself] to observe WHERE we're at and discern HOW to proceed from thereon.  YES, it seems easier [and messier] to plow right through instead.  We've all been there, done that.  And the worst things I've said quite a few times have been those times WHEN I felt too absorbed in my own state to take a beat💧💧💧

YES, when there is NO PAUSE, there will be NO reckoning.  Instead, it can be a scene and it's NO small feat to stop that locomotive train in motion.  And the only way that I know to hone our ability to PAUSE and step back is to practice building those skills in less emotionally charged times, that is, to dabble in meditation as a way to build mindfulness muscles, so to speak.  YES, eventually you will realize you've come a long way since then💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  All these are verbose words that are much easier said than done.  And I admit that in the past, I would recurringly disconnect and sometimes recklessly rampage from time to time BUT in those TINY TIMEOUTS, I would take a deep breath, or leave the room OR remember my mantra for the day to FIND PAUSE IN THE CONSTANT MOTION OF LIFE.  It's all about PULLING THE BRAKES and PAUSE😍😍😍

Perspective As The Differentiator

Perspective As The Differentiator

A widespread picture represents two individuals standing on either side of the number 9 that has been drawn on the floor.  For one person, it appears as number 6 and for another, it's the number 9.  So, WHO is right OR wrong?  Obviously, they are both right YET they are both wrong n the eyes of another individual, all simply because of the viewing perspective.  This is the simplest example we can have today showing how Perspective As The Differentiator📙📘

With a situation as simple as this, if people can simply understand that a life PERSPECTIVE can be changed, molded OR explained, this global village we live in can indeed be a better place for us all.  All fights, conflicts and quarrels can be all quelled, if only if the protagonists can see things from another person's PERSPECTIVE.  NOW, how can we help create a breakthrough for this standoff, this impasse?  WHY CAN'T we understand how PERSPECTIVE really means in reality?  The 6 and 9 example is the best way to understand HOW you see life and approach it💎💎💎

It's true to easily come across debates that revolve around this contentious thing and WHAT exacerbates things are the polarizing debates going on, whether it's on politics, finance OR even relationships.  And anything that has two sides to the story OR binary thinking.  knock-knock, social media creeps in and we have a ball game at hand as in social media, it seems easy to pick a side and find opinions that line up with WHAT you believe.  BUT WHAT IF we play the role of a 'neutral person'  WHO WON'T pick sides so that you can see the arguments and reasons from two differing PERSPECTIVES💦💦💦

WHILE one side sees life from the PERSPECTIVE of 'anything goes as long as it makes you happy', another side sees life as 'there are boundaries one should NOT cross at all'.  At this point, there will be two PERSPECTIVES that are valid enough.  And both of them are right in their choices and saying one is wrong is an unsupportable stance.  WHEN we define PERSPECTIVE, it is always important to consider others as well.  With more than 8 billion people in the world, there is a sizable number of people WHO see things in a different light✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Simply making a 'SWITCH' and attempting to see things from a different PERSPECTIVE could help solve many of the problems we have been enduring.  At the end of the day, your PERSPECTIVE on life determines HOW you to relate to people, HOW you handle relationships and even disconnects.  You may NOT realize HOW important your PERSPECTIVE on life is because we often feel that as long as other people's opinions DON'T affect us, ours should NOT affect others as well.  That's PERSPECTIVE AS THE DIFFERENTIATOR💥💥💥

Those DISRUPTORS Called LIFEQUAKES

Those DISRUPTORS Called LIFEQUAKES

Surely, this has happened to each of us a couple of times in our life.  Just WHEN life seems to be going smoothly, a big, scary event comes along that threatens to ruin everything, in fact, throwing a monkey wrench in your otherwise normal looking life. Sadly, it could anything that seems earthshaking.  A frightening medical diagnosis, a relationship breakup, a financial crisis, the death of a loved one, a job loss.  All Those DISRUPTORS Called LIFEQUAKES📗📙📘

So suddenly, in a moment, your life seems to have turned upside down WHEN you really least expected it.  I'm NOT sure about you BUT my own life story has been quite full of significant life changes over time.  Whether it's getting uprooted from your home country and trying to assimilate into a culture that was so foreign to you, OR just hitting rough financial straits [and that's besides a job loss [WHEN you are residing in foreign land], all those were recipes for LIFEQUAKES💦💦💦

YES, for me to go through all those major seismic and tectonic plate movements in my life, to admit that those were stressful times will be a gross understatement.  And as if we DON'T have enough of those LIFEQUAKES, that Covid-`9 Pandemic hit us all.  By today, we all know majority of us did survive it but there were a few unfortunate souls WHO did not survive the pandemic, sadly.  Coupled with other unpleasant surprises in life, sometimes you would dwell in disgust WHY LIFEQUAKES happen💧💧💧

YES, we need posters like this, to cheer us up, to remind us that WHEN the chips are down, first things first, let us pick up the pieces all over the place.  Indeed, I've come to this realization that learning to master all these LIFEQUAKES of daunting challenges may be the most crucial skill we need to reinforce within ourselves [and that's regardless of age].  BUT what matters to us today is HOW to navigate all these life DISRUPTORS called LIFEQUAKES as all these do strike us at the very core of our being.  YES, we feel scared, overwhelmed and stuck, leading to a 'MEANING CRISIS' [that feeling of MEANINGLESSNESS]😌😌😌

Our takeaway:  All these LIFEQUAKES can come in different forms and shapes BUT regardless, it will hit us hard, leaving us hard choices to make like leaving behind a bad marriage OR something that happens way beyond our control such as losing your job OR facing an illness.  BUT regardless of HOW it comes about, the key here is that the transition itself must be voluntary.  We must work to turn our fear and anxiety into something positive and preferably, life-affirming.  Borrowing the experts' jargon, we need to develop those 'TRANSITION' phases because in life, those phases DON'T always happen via straight lines and sometimes, the order and sequence is as chaotic as it can be.  THOSE DISRUPTORS CALLED LIFEQUAKES, yes, we need to grab the bull by its horns, dude💥💥💥

There Is LIFE WITHIN LIFE

There Is LIFE WITHIN LIFE

Often, we would hear that LIFE is WHAT happens WHEN you're busy making other plans.  You can have an idea in your head of HOW you want things to go, BUT that DOESN'T mean the world will listen.  Factually, some things are unpredictable and YES, sometimes, some things just DON'T work out [and it's frustrating].  To throw a monkey wrench in our chaotic world, sometimes, even grief puts our world in slow motion.  And sometimes your life flashes before your eyes when a part of it ends.  And sometimes, it feels like the world has been flipped over, as if Earth has grown tired of spinning.  BUT hey, as they say, There Is LIFE WITHIN LIFE📘📙📗

YES, as the popular therapist says, some things are OUT of our control and some things just CAN'T be changed.  That's why therapists do interject RADICAL ACCEPTANCE, for us to focus on the things we do have control over even WHEN it's hard.  In fact, we're counselled that in difficult times, ACCEPTANCE is the first step towards healing.  Whether it should be the first step OR not is immaterial but we need to understand that ACCEPTING something DOESN'T mean you like it and it DOESN'T mean you're NOT working to change it💧💧💧

YES, things DON'T always work out the way you expect.  And while it's true I had my fair share of opportunities of hobnobbing with Tier-1 and Tier-2 folks, I did go through the wringers in life, struggling and surviving to eke out WHAT's left of me.  If there's one thing I squarely disagree, it's this reasoning that WHEN it comes to people WHO struggle financially, some say it's their fault, that they're lazy, weak, that they deserve to be poor.  BUT that's farthest from the truth.  You could be financially stable now and living a stable life BUT when lightning strikes, like when you get hit with serious health issues, knock on wood, you could quickly run out of options in containing that situation💦💦💦

And WHEN does LIFE WITHIN LIFE kicks in?  That's WHEN the safety nets in LIFE do kick in.  And with a support structure from within your family circle, that will be a 'shot in the arm'.  And third world cultures seem built for this.  BUT how many of us can lean on such support structures?  Especially in the western world where cultures dictate upon each one to be standing on their own feet even way before they even reach the legal age of 18💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  LIFE should not and NEVER be in 'auto pilot'.  Surely, you'll hit those bumps and humps and WHAT matters is how you handle and manage such outliers from unexpected fallouts.  That's when you need that 'shot in the arm' to inject LIFE WITHIN LIFE.  WHY?  Because LIFE CAN'T and SHOULDN'T go standstill.  LIFE has to go on.  You CAN'T get stuck regardless if all the cards are stacked because THERE IS LIFE WITHIN LIFE [you DON'T want to lose by default, dude]😊😊😊

Taking Things For Granted?

Taking Things For Granted?

How often have we witnessed [OR have been guilty in the past like me] WHEN we were deprived of something, we immediately took notice of it and bemoan its absence, like laughing in a cinema in the midst of a collective hush around us.  Oh yes, there are a host of things like this that the recent pandemic has enhanced through their loss.  Right now, before we get too much of our former lives back, each of us ought to make a 'MENTAL INVENTORY' of WHAT we have missed.  We should hurry up to do this reckoning before we become numb to WHAT longing has taught us in life.  During month after month of enduring a circumscribed world, WHAT had been normal became extraordinary.  Indeed, Taking Things For Granted???

The past months, I'll admit that I've been startled at that so-so simple pleasure of picking out my own apples from the grocery store bin [instead of just glimpsing them already bagged, a DONE DEAL in a curbside pickup.  Indeed, taking things for granted is a kind of mental dullness applied to the ordinary.  And we will surely succumb to it again UNLESS we fight hard against it.  YES, I want to keep savoring the act of feeling around in the bin, choosing the apples by whim OR confident agency instead of erasing a 30-second chore with my mind on the next fruits though💥💥💥

Let's relook at real life scenarios.  You planned for a dream holiday in Bali OR in Hawaii and then, WHEN you arrived on Day-1, wow, you felt you were on CLOUD 9.  Come Day-3, you've stopped noticing the spectacular sunsets on your hotel window.  To borrow the jargon from scientists, they call it that 'HEDONIC ADAPTATION', that tendency to derive less enjoyment from HAPPY experiences as time passes.  Things that spark joy and wonder initially can become routine and less pleasurable after repeated, unvarying exposure which, in turn, affects our ability to appreciate GOOD THINGS in life💦💦💦

That HEDONIC ADAPTATION was also aligned by psychologists with HABITUATION.  So, HOW do we HABITUATE?  Experts tell us that our brain is akin to a 'PREDICTION MACHINE', as it constantly scans your surroundings for relevant information, WHICH means, the brain stops alerting us to things that we DON'T need our full and immediate attention.  That includes things like the road you're driving on OR hearing once again the job woes of your partner/spouse.  On the other hand, WHEN something surprising OR unexpected happens, our brain responds strongly❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  Looking back, a lot of the time, we just couldn't be possibly attentive to every experience all of the time.  BUT when we want to savor good experiences, adaptation will work against us, keeping us from noticing OR enjoying the things in our lives that matter.  YES, the GOOD THINGS in life will trigger a burst of joy if you experience them occasionally.  BUT once those experiences become frequent, daily perhaps, they stop producing real pleasure.  WHAT else can we do?  YES dude, let's endeavor to improve our tendency to TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED😌😌😌

How Our BODY LANGUAGE Gives Us Away

How Our BODY LANGUAGE Gives Us Away

How Our BODY LANGUAGE Gives Us Away.  Oh, with travels and holidays on a major bounce back, I thought to piggy-back on the frenzied travel activities to harp on the relevance of BODY LANGUAGE especially in real-life scenarios.  Take the case WHEN we need to hurdle immigration officers upon arrival in a foreign country.  From that point onwards you hand over your passport and travel documents to the immigration, BODY LANGUAGE kicks in, like it OR not📗📙📘

Think of this most common scenario WHEN you're standing right in front the immigration officer and as he inspects your passport and travel documents, you're standing, sweating bullets, and you're wondering how long will that moment linger on.  BTW, it turns out that immigration officers are trained to detect 'micro-expressions' WHICH are involuntary facial movements that can reveal your true emotions.  They're looking for inconsistencies between WHAT you're saying and WHAT you're face is saying.  OR the immi officer can adapt REID TECHNIQUE, a method of questioning that's designed to detect deception💦💦💦

Again, it's based on the idea that people WHO are lying will exhibit non-verbal behaviors like avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, or as simple as crossing one's arms.  BTW, the immi officers can employ the 'rapport-building' techniques WHERE they will try to establish a friendly connection with you, making you feel more at ease and then suddenly switch to a more aggressive tone to catch you off guard.  Being relaxed and establishing that eye contact might help you get through unscathed💥💥💥

Oh yes, this is one of the attendant risks of travelling across borders BUT if you got nothing to hide, if all of your manifestations are in good faith, there is no reason to be fidgety, to be nervous OR worse, sweating despite the coolness of the centralized aircon.  BTW, immi officers do have a card hidden up in their sleeves.  They can detain a traveller FOR NO REASON and even for a pretty LONG TIME, no thanks to a loophole in the Patriot Act [Under Section 235[b], immi officer can hold you for a 'REASONABLE TIME' even without charging you, whew❎❎❎

Our takeaway:  The ramifications of BODY LANGUAGE can continue to haunt us on and on and for the unfortunate ones, getting stuck in a bureaucratic limbo, no thanks to the traveler's behavior, even HOW they walk, HOW they interact with the immi officer.  So, if you end up acting suspiciously, you might find yourself on the officer's radar, WHICH is unfortunate because, often, PERCEPTION matters.  Oh Oh, indeed, HOW OUR BODY LANGUAGE CAN GIVE US AWAY😕😕😕

Consider To Grow Like A BAMBOO!

Consider To Grow Like A BAMBOO!

Everyone says that in Japan, beautiful BAMBOO trees line up almost everywhere in the countryside.  But NOT for reasons related to tourism though.  They claim that in Japan, the symbolism of the BAMBOO plant runs deep and wide and offers practical lessons for life and for work.  And much as we might be accused of being a copycat, we're here to share the lessons about the BAMBOO, and mapping its practical implications to our personal life, even encompassing our work and business life.  In short, here we are being egged to Consider To Grow Like A BAMBOO❗❗❗

First off, everyone tells us that the BAMBOO bends BUT it NEVER breaks.  And WHAT explains this is the fact that it remains flexible because it is deeply rooted.  Indeed, one of the amazing stories repeatedly told is how the BAMBOO sways with even the slightest breeze and that gentle swaying movement with the wind is a symbol of HUMILITY. They claim that their bodies are hard and firm and yet they sway gently while their trunks stay rooted firmly💢💢💢

Ironically, everyone claims that indeed looks can be deceiving because visually, the BAMBOO looks weak.  And even its structure looks weak.  Physically, the body of a BAMBOO is NOT large by any means WHEN compared to the other much larger trees in the forest and they DON'T look impressive either at first sight.  Surprisingly, the BAMBOO endures even the coldest winters and extremely scorching hot summers💧💧💧

Coming up with the analogy in life, this tells us that we should NEVER be judged by our size.  On the other hand, we must NEVER underestimate others OR even our own selves based on the old notions of WHAT is weak and WHAT is strong.  You may NOT come from an affluent family.  You may NOT have graduated from the Ivy League universities in the U.S. or U.K. but just like the BAMBOO, you can stand tall by believing in your own strengths and know that you are as strong as you need to be💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Very much like the BAMBOO, in life, we need to be ready all-year-round, especially for unexpected adversities and challenges in life.  And most especially, failures that will hit us hard.  And taking a cue from the strengths of the BAMBOO, let us unleash our power to 'spring back' after being hit hard by one failure after another.  They claim that in winter, the heavy snow bends the BAMBOO back and as the heavy snow begins to fall, the BAMBOO will snap back again, brushing aside all the snow.  Can we consider to grow like the BAMBOO dude???