Let's STOP Building Walls. We Need BRIDGES!

Let's STOP Building Walls.  We Need BRIDGES!

Building trust is of absolute importance in all relationships.  More than that, it is a pillar of of a persons SUCCESS, whether it be in his personal family life, business life OR work life.  The catch here is that TRUST and CONFIDENCE are NOT traits that you have BUT traits that are built, maintained, nurtured, and even protected.  And this is something many leaders have recognized.  NOT to turn this as a piece about religion BUT to quote Pope Francis, Build BRIDES and TEAR DOWN WALLS📗📙📘

And WHILE he expressed it in a religious context, to put it into practice, he suggested writing the names of 20 people you interact with frequently.  Then, with a simple chart, write down how many times you have had positive interactions with.  Then keep that table updated and it will indicate precisely WHEN you are building bridges to TRUST and in case you have forgotten someone.  Then, do the same for people WHO do NOT work in your company BUT who you should keep in touch with💧💧💧

The thing is, we DON'T and CAN'T live alone, even for those WHO want to be forlorn and desolate by themselves.  On a first person account, I know people WHO had everything in life, coming from affluent families, well-bred [and consistently graduated with honors since our school days until university days in our country's #1 top school and he can claim UNPARALLELED SUCCESS in every field and foray he went into.  From being a licensed doctor, a successful painter recognized internationally, an arts advocate WHO championed the 'lost arts' of his country and his furniture-export company was launched NOT just for profit but to wet his appetite for the arts.  Thing is, he wanted to live alone.  Sadly, he succumbed to the Big C after he [ironically] refused pharmacology, for which he was a deemed expert [alongside his family of doctors who own and run their own hospital and medical school]💥💥💥

Fact is, we just CAN'T be alone.  We always need others and we must continually demonstrate that we cooperate honestly with colleagues, even those WHO are NOT always pleasant to interact with.  Please allow me to confess that one criterion I use to assess WHETHER my day was positive OR not is based on this: Have I helped to keep a relationship of TRUST alive.  Have I been generous with my time to help others [BTW, generosity is NOT always financials].  Have I invested my 'TRUST CAPITAL', eroded it, kept it at the same level???

Our takeaway:  Everyday let's ask ourselves, DID I ADD AT LEAST ONE BRICK TO THE BRIDGE?  We have to realize that bridged [IN LIFE] are NOT built overnight.  Instead, they are built over time and gradually BUT they can last forever and they open new roads and possibilities in life.  Let us remember that most opportunities in life are tossed upon us based on the knowledge and confidence that we have built, NOT on how elegantly we have written our own curriculum vitae a.k.a. resume.  Last thing, our reputation will always precede us.  In fact, our reputation is the only thing we have in life. Yes dude, LET'S STOP BUILDING WALLS.  WE NEED BRIDGES 😀😀😀

Focus On What's Important

Focus On What's Important

Consistently, almost all researches have shown that typically, many of us tend to prioritize tasks that have the shortest deadlines even if those tasks are NOT the most important OR valuable.  What this tells us is that we got to Focus On What's Important.  BUT I get you, this is easier said than done.  BTW, have you heard this one-liner:  THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO REMEMBER THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.  Sounds redundant BUT makes sense, right???

YES, this poster looks annoying and sheer crap BUT relook incisively, this is NO nonsense if we can drill down into it.  This redundant question is impliedly asking us 'WHAT ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO YOU?"  Whether it's in your life as a whole OR during an interaction OR right this very moment as we speak.   Yes dude, keep your answer to yourself because the truth is, the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS often get pushed to the sidelines😖😖😖

Let's face it, life itself is full of distracting clamor, from text/SMS messages to online PM's in that long list of chat apps, and even emails which would alert you to even window displays in the mall.  Other people tug at you with their PRIORITIES [which may NOT be your own].  And it can feel kind of scary to admit WHAT really matters to you, tell others, and go after it for real.  BUT WHAT do we hear in the background?  WHAT IF YOU FAIL???

So, WHAT'S the practice espoused by experts?  The gurus tell us to KNOW OUR PURPOSE IN LIFE.  And as an exercise, write it down either in one word, phrase OR sentence.  Be concise and honest enough with your answer.  And within yourself, say it LOUD and see HOW it feels.  Take that extra step to find the words which you can connect with.  And keep your PURPOSE as close to your heart as possible [because for all we know, you might get scared if you speak it out.  Close to the heels, CLARIFY YOUR PRIORITIES.  Identify the key aims of your life these days in a word OR phrase, e.g. HEALTH, CAREER, etc.  Maybe break up one aim into two OR three, e.g. finances could be 'breaking even' OR saving for retirement etc✅✅✅

Now, let's follow WHAT the gurus do instruct us.  Rank those aims in order of importance with NO ties allowed.  If you could attain only one AIM, WHAT would it be?  That becomes your highest priority.  Then, take that one off the list, look at the aims that are left and ask yourself:  IF I COULD ATTAIN ONLY ONE OF THE REMAINING AIMS, WHICH ONE WOULD IT BE?  Then, repeat the process.  And do remember your PURPOSE IN LIFE.  Thing is, FOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT❗❗❗

Slow Down To Improve Productivity?

Slow Down To Improve Productivity?

Slow Down To Improve Productivity?  This sounds crazy, right?  Because, all along, we were schooled and trained to be fast and quick OR better be faster and quicker, for the same reasons that we want to be more productive.  BUT studies by experts do NOT support this practice.  Oh, ever since the Covid-19 Pandemic did hit us hard, we have been faced with unexpected and sometimes unyielding changes.  Our lives seem to have been uprooted, shaken to the hilt, and worst, it's left in disarray, if only to understate it📗📙📘

In short, we felt the pangs of panic and concern for our family members and had sleepless nights as we worried for our financial futures.  In the end, we seem to be in a constant state of flux as we pivot to deal with the most pressing crisis before us.  So, CHANGE is good.  However, some familiarity and predictiveness are necessary for a feeling of equilibrium to wash over us.  And this is our dilemma💦💦💦

Doing a lookup at recent researches, WHEN you slow down your mind, movements and processes, you will reduce your STRESS + BURNOUT and in the end, even enhance productivity.  In addition, by SLOWING DOWN, you will have more clarity about WHAT really matters.  So, instead of looking at WHAT is obvious and right in front of you, see WHAT is in the gaps and niches WHERE most people fail to look at.  That can help you get ahead of a problem and better still, find new solutions [and NOT recycled ones]💥💥💥

Taking a leaf from the gurus across vertical industries, consider to stretch beyond your COMFORT ZONE and even, dare yourself to GET LOST among the liminal edge, WHERE real growth can be explored and even learning opportunities can be unearthed.  WHERE to start?  Consider starting with TRUST itself.  Truth is, mistrust destroys curiosity, so consider TRUST and be in full control to know your 'ENOUGH' level.  You DO NOT always have to do more.   You can quite possibly succeed and be content as you are.  And from a human perspective, leverage on your HUMANITY to help others and pay it forward💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  FOCUS on WHAT you can control and LET GO of WHAT you cannot control at all.  The only consistent and expected thing is that CHANGE WILL HAPPEN [WHETHER you want it OR not, WHETHER you are ready for it OR not, that CHANGE is going to happen.  And do consider it as an opportunity for growth.  You DON'T want to get stalled and stagnate, right?  Do SLOW DOWN TO IMPROVE PRODUCTIVITY😃😃😃

Can Your LIGHT SHINE?

Can Your LIGHT SHINE?

Who says only the children and scions of the rich and famous [and the descendants from the monarchy and royalty] are the ones who Can SHINE their LIGHT.  BUT how about the rest of us, the ordinary Tom, Dick and Harrys?  BUT let's NOT scream foul on this because everyone of us has a LIGHT that shines bright enough from within.  However, WHEN we look outwards through our five senses to search for peace, fulfillment, and happiness, we often forget about the LIGHT that has been inside us all along📗📙📘

There have been many studies by psychologists as regards that LIGHT which shines from within and they are one to tell us that for your LIGHT to SHINE BRIGHT, you must learn to see it with full clarity first.  Experts tell us that WHEN we were born, your INNER LIGHT is capable of witnessing the absolute reality without any layers of perceptions added in front of it.  There are NO pre-existing rigid beliefs to influence your perspective💧💧💧

To piggy-back on the jargon of psychologists, starting from the very first thing you can remember as a child to the moment you are reading your very first sentence, your mind is a sum of everything you have experienced, seen, felt, heard, smelled, touched OR been told by your parents and teachers.  Without even realizing, you start creating your ''individual identity' and start dimming the inner light by putting different layers on top it from a young age💥💥💥

WHAT then is the BIG ASK from us on this?  IF we can learn to consciously see these different layers that you have created yourself based on your subjective experiences, you can then start removing them one by one.  You will then realize that NOT everyone has gone through the same things as you have.  WHY?  Because every human experience is unique by itself.  NOTHING gets replicated there.  And beyond the subjective layers, we all share the same light within regardless of our age, race, gender, financial, OR even cultural backgrounds.  And the experts are telling us that once you see this subtle truth, you simply CAN'T unsee it.  And your inner light will shine with so much clarity that you will automatically inspire others.  Helping others and working for something bigger than yourself becomes much easier and natural once you see the light within✅✅✅

Our takeaway:  Long ago when there were iPhones and Android smartphones, even when FILTERING was totally unknown to us, we ourselves were the prime architects of FILTERING to such extent that many of us failed to realize, from the very beginning, that we were capable to SHINE.  All along, we were schooled [by the 'old school'] that those WHO are NOT part of the elite social class DON'T even have the right and entitlement to talk about the ability to SHINE.  For those socially deprived, we even ended up inferior, insecure and unsure of ourselves.  BUT hey dude, fast forward to today, those are NOT the RULES of the games.  We may find our capabilities to be a combination of being untapped and/or raw BUT the fact is, we got it buried under the bushel of oblivion.  We got to shovel it out and unearth it so that we can find the answer with finality that indeed, we have the LIGHT TO SHINE.  Let's tap our untapped capability dude😍😍😍

Time Is All That Matters

Time Is All That Matters

WHAT does it take to be more productive?  Try asking every Tom, Dick and Harry, I'll best you will receive an equivalent number of disparate answers. Time Is All That Matters.  More hours in the day.  It's one thing everyone wants and yet it's impossible to attain.  BUT what if you could free up significant time, maybe as much as 20% of your workday, so you can focus on the responsibilities that really matter.  Many researches showed that roughly 40% of our time is spent on discretionary activities that offer little personal satisfaction📗📙📘

YET, WHY do we still keep on doing those discretionary stuff?  Psychologists opine that ridding oneself of such activities is easier said than done.  Human nature explains WHY we instinctively cling to things and tasks that make us feel busy and thus, important.  Heard of those busybodies, the nosey folks WHO seem to be 'all over the place' BUT at the end of the day, it's NOT them who would product the expected results.  It's true delegating tasks, WHETHER at work or at home, is a must-do BUT it's NOT fair to do more for less.  Instead, we are encouraged to be more productive by thinking consciously about HOW they spend their time, deciding WHICH tasks matter most to them📌📌📌

I CAN'T have a better concrete example done sharing my post-mortems of my past forays.  And with all humility, I do realize now that I was thankful that I fully and wholly embraced that TIME IS ALL THAT MATTERS.  And that was tricky.  Because you can't be prematurely early to kickstart an initiative.  On the other hand, if you are a step late in your moves, you could have missed out BIG TIME the locomotive train that left just before you came💦💦💦

Regrettably, I bear witness to a hell lot of misses in life, NOT because the person was incapable, NOT because he was ill-advised to take that path, NOT because there was a better option than that itself BUT because he was either a split-second prematurely early or just happened to be late by a hairline.  Much as we agree that there is NO such thing as perfection, that was all that matters and frankly, this is quite a 'tall order' unless you will embrace that TIME IS ALL THAT MATTERS💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  We CAN'T create an extra TIME, NOT even an extra minute BUT WHAT we can ably do is to utilize to the hilt the time we got in our hands.  Even making phone calls may easily be pushed after lunch BUT as petty as this matter is, the thing is you might thing you're important to some people BUT hey, let's admit it, you're NOT as important as lunch itself. Some may invoke that the alignment of stars do matter.  I'd take that as outliers because TIME IS ALL THAT MATTERS💥💥💥

Anger Management

Anger Management

Since ANGER is fundamentally a raw emotion, we often DON'T give it much thought [even on a post-mortem basis].  BUT if you feel that there is likely a legitimate anger management problem, experts tell us to trace [backwards] the origins of that ANGER and HOW they affect feelings and behaviors can help.  Understanding WHAT makes you ANGRY and HOW you respond WON'T solve the problem BUT those steps will start you on the right path of Anger Management📗📙📘

ANGER is a normal, healthy emotion, neither good OR bad.  Like any emotion, it conveys a message, telling you that a situation is upsetting, unjust OR threatening.  If your knee-jerk reaction to ANGER is to explode, however, the message NEVER has a chance to be conveyed.  So, WHILE it's perfectly normal to feel ANGRY WHEN you've been mistreated OR wronged, ANGER becomes a problem WHEN you express it in a way that harms yourself OR others💧💧💧

Problem is. many of us [wrongly] think that venting ANGER is healthy, that the people around you are too sensitive, that your ANGER is justified, OR that you need to show your fury to get respect.  BUT the harsh truth is that ANGER is much more likely to have a NEGATIVE impact on the way people see you, impair your judgment and get in the way of success.  BUT shouldn't we pull the brakes for now and understand the effects of ANGER?  Chronic ANGER that flares up all the time OR spirals out of control can have serious consequences to your:

PHYSICAL HEALTH - According to experts, constantly operating at high levels of stress and ANGER makes you more vulnerable to heart diseases, diabetes, weakened immune system, amongst others💥💥💥

MENTAL HEALTH - Chronic ANGER consumes huge amounts of mental energy and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate or even enjoy life.  Worst, it can lead to stress, depression and other mental health problems.

RELATIONSHIPS - ANGER can cause lasting scars in the people you love most and get in the way of friendships and work relationships💦💦💦

Our takeaway:  Separate the MYTH and FACT when it comes to ANGER.  Allow me to share that shortlist:

MYTH:  It's healthy to vent ANGER and let it out.  FACT:  While it's true suppressing and ignoring ANGER is unhealthy, venting is NO better.  ANGER is NOT something you have to 'LET OUT' in an aggressive way to avoid blowing up.  

The list grows and this tells us to contain effectively our ANGER management.  No less than that❗❗❗

Are You Overlooking Your NEEDS?

Are You Overlooking Your NEEDS?

Are You Overlooking Your NEEDS?  The mother of all ironies is that we live in societies that praises people for putting their needs last and no more than that.  In short, everyone in our society expects a SELFLESS act from us.  YES it's true that there are times in life WHEN we have to be SELFLESS but again, this CAN'T be an everyday occurrence.  BUT if there's a mix-up that keeps happening, let's NOT confuse SELFLESSNESS with compassion📗📙📘

BUT what compromises SELFLESSNESS is WHEN we manifest our COMPASSION but having said that, you DON'T need to give every single piece of yourself.  NOW, let's accept reality, that we have a society that makes us feel validated for putting our needs last.  Praise is given to the person WHO always put others' needs before their own, to the person WHO shows up at work NO matter WHAT is going on in their personal lives.  Then, we'll commend that person as a 'GREAT PLAYER'???

Reality again is that at home, NOT all the time BUT usually the woman is praised for putting the needs of her children and partner before her own, sometimes even the needs of the pets would come first, whew.  At the workplace, we are even praised for killing ourselves for a job that would replace us tomorrow.  Extra hours, working on weekends and NOT taking medical leaves even WHEN you're sick, oh oh that makes us stand out against the crowd WHEN it comes to the eventual promotion of employees in the organization.  BUT the thing is, almost everyone of us did embrace these practices in society💦💦💦

On the other hand, we tend to stuff down our frustrations OR negative emotions as we DON'T WANT to upset other people.  Instead, our own NEEDS and health end up being pushed over to the back burner so that we can ensure that the NEEDS of others are met and that they are happy.  REALLY?  BUT WHAT about us?  WHY do we think it is ok to push ourselves all the way to the edges leading us to the breaking point???

Our takeaway:  The undeniable truth is that NO one else can be responsible for meeting all our needs.  And most people WHO try [and unfortunately, many inevitably fail]. are dealing with and licking their very own wounds, fulfilling some kind of 'savior complex' that resulted from childhood trauma.  Bottom line is that IF we want to feel happy, worthy and loved, we have to take full responsibility for meeting those needs for ourselves.  That DOESN'T mean we CAN'T also form relationships with people WHO see our worth,  Just that we WON'T depend on their perception to maintain their own.  And we WON'T require anything from them to fill up our cup because we'll NOT only have the awareness and tools to do it ourselves BUT the confidence that we truly deserve it😃😃😃

When's Your BEST GAME? Only In FAIR WEATHER?

When's Your BEST GAME?  Only In FAIR WEATHER?

When's Your BEST GAME?  Only In FAIR WEATHER?  So, you might ask, how the hell I thought of this thread today?  Simple.  An hour ago, I watched the NBA Game 2 playoff game between the over-rated Boston Celtics versus the underdogs and severely undermanned Miami Heat.  And with their back against the wall [due to their Game 1 loss], Miami Heat turned things around by grabbing Game 2, thus steeling home advantage📗📙📘

So, the question that popped out in my mind was this.  WHEN IS YOUR BEST GAME?  Does it happen only in FAIR WEATHER?  Quite an interesting topic considering that many times in our lives, we are expected [either by default OR by setting goals] to perform at a certain level to lead us towards outcomes OR results at par with our pre-set goals.  BUT how often we come across situations WHEREIN we're we seem to be performing so well when the 'sun is shining and dandy???

Let's have a relevant analogy here.  As parents, HOW and WHEN do we make our presence felt?  Is it during shopping sprees?  During dine-outs?  During holidays?  HOW about when a family member is medically stricken with an illness?  HOW about when you were financially strapped and in dire financial straits, WHERE WERE you and HOW were you performing your responsibilities expected of you?  WHEN the storm comes raging, WHEN there is a heavy downpour, WHEN the floods have submerged half of the community, HOW were you, HOW was your performance as a person???

WHAT are the realities of life?  Emergencies.  State of panic.  Helplessness.  Bad situations turning from worse to worst.  Unexpected developments turning from positive to negative situations.  Accidents.  AOG [Acts of God, e.g. natural calamities].  Pandemic.  Regardless of the severity of the situation we are IN right now, it behooves that we should perform AT PAR regardless of the odds💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  Please allow me to piggy-back on that old cliche Let us always PREPARE FOR THE RAINY DAYS [because the sun is NOT always shining and dandy].  In the roller coaster and rough and tumble journey in life, WHAT becomes more crucial is HOW we PERFORM and/or DELIVER during the most challenging phases in our life. True, your best performances during FAIR WEATHER will count BUT remember, human nature tells us that we tend to vividly remember more your SLIP-UPs?  So, let's 'UP THE ANTE' even way beyond just fair weather❗❗❗

Who Says Scammers Are Gone?

Who Says Scammers Are Gone?

Who Says Scammers Are Gone?  I myself, there is NO week that passes with my mobile phone not receiving SMS messages advising me that:

YOUR PARCEL WILL BE DELIVERED etc etc???

WE'RE PROCESSING YOUR PAYMENT etc???

YOUR MCAFFEE WILL BE AUTO-RENEWED???Oh Oh Oh, this iteration will never cease to end.  Instead, expect this mile-long list of scamming incidents to increase by a thousand-fold💥💥💥

BUT let us NOT belittle or understate how smart and crafty these scammers are.  In fact and in truth, they are going alongside with anything that's going on with technology.  Talk about AI and ChatGPT, they're into it.  Do you know that their latest scam initiatives are AI-powered?  HOW?  By creating deepfakes of celebrities to trick victims into thinking they're investing in a good company or project.  BY  impersonating the victim's friend OR relative to ask for money as part of a 'grandparent' scam😡😡😡

BY tapping the education market.  HOW?  Let's do a sampling of the 'STUDENT LOAN FORGIVENESS' scams as this creates a ripe opportunity for scammers.  The scammers know people want to believe their student loans will be forgiven and they'll use that HOPE for their personal gains.  For example, scammers may contact via phone or create phony application sites aimed at stealing the student's personal information or even his bank account information.  They may put pressure on their victims with FAKE urgent messages that encourage you to apply for debt relief "BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE"❎❎❎

BY phone scams.  Scammers may contact by phone and some 'phone scams' rely on smartphones' capabilities to access the internet and even install MALWARE.  That could include:

• ROBOCALLS - That will trigger phones to be ringing nonstop with increasingly natural-sounding recorded voices.  They would then offer everything OR even issue threats to try and get your attention
• IMPERSONATORS - Scammers will impersonate IRS/IRAS/BIR [that's government revenue agencies] 

• QR CODES - Beware.  These convenient codes have gained popularity as a touchless option to do things like read a restaurant menu OR make a payment.  BUT these scammers will place QR CODES in inconspicuous spots and scanning the code could prompt you to make a small purchase or enter your credentials on a look-alike site
• SIM SWAPPING - This technique is used by a thief to reassign your number to a SIM card in a phone they control.  They can then try to log in to your accounts using codes OR links sent to your phone number.

Our takeaway:  These scams can take many forms BUT the scammers often impersonate a well-known company [such as a bank] OR 'dirty tactics' like sowing FEAR [to force you to take immediate actions].  WHO SAYS SCAMMERS ARE GONE???

Yes, Sometimes We Need HELP!

Yes, Sometimes We Need HELP!

I'll be the first one to admit that I am NOT good [at all] at asking for HELP.  Looking back, even during my childhood, I was fairly independent.  Probably, I was brought about that way by our family's day-to-day circumstances WHERE my parents were constantly attempting to 'let both ends meet' [more often, to NO avail].  So, probably, that perfectionist attitude got stuck with me since then.  Either way, I wanted to do everything 'RIGHT' and on a different plane, I wanted to do things all by myself.  BUT Yes, Sometimes We Need HELP!  WHY?  WHILE this mindset of self-sufficiency can be beneficial on some fronts, it can very easily swing to the harmful side of things from a HELP-HURT scale perspective.  And I'd like to admit my mea culpa during those times when I refused to seek HELP, find HELP📗📙📘

To a fault, we can partly blame our respective cultures, especially the western culture WHO teaches us all to be fiercely individualistic.  We are taught to pull ourselves by the bootstraps and keep going even in the most difficult situations.  BUT that mindset leaves people suffering all by themselves, without a support system to turn in their most difficult times.  WHEN Covid-19 pandemic hit us all straight from the cold, there was widespread consensus that people were experiencing an epidemic of loneliness and the amount of people with no close friends kept multiplying, year on year, and the numbers hit alarming levels📌📌📌

In the 90s, the popular and fan-favorite show was 'FRIENDS' but today, that would quite unrealistic because generally, people simply DON'T have that many friends anymore [especially in western countries].  Sadly, this is a stark and sad contrast to the way things have been in the past.  Just last weekend, I had a 'mini reunion' with classmates from my elementary and high school days because we did cherish friendships that much💦💦💦

Post-pandemic, mental health issues hit way beyond the ceilings.  And for us with NO mental health issues, let's think about those enduring their mental health issues.  Imagine if even simple tasks like getting out of bed OR washing the dishes seem like too much.  Pitifully, due to shame and stigma, many mentally ill people DON'T even speak up about their needs, either OR ask for the help they need.  Even in a professional setting, WHAT we often hear is the advice that we should be able to get better on our own and that medications are a crutch.  Unfortunately, even for many WHO live a better life these days, many of them still struggle to find happiness in their daily life💧💧💧

Our takeaway:  If things are NOT going awry and YET we are in that pitiful predicament of unhappiness, let us figure things out.  HOW can we be content in life and YET WHAT explains if things are still so bad and so hard?  This is WHERE reaching out for HELP matters especially if making simple mindful alterations in your daily routine DOESN'T help at all.  Taking antidepressants is NOT the final fix if indeed we need HELP.  We just need to adjust to the idea of needing a little extra HELP to give our brain the opportunity to feel a little more emotion and as we begin to accept this, life might just throw a new curve ball right back in your face.  And indeed, SOMETIMES WE NEED HELP💥💥💥