When You're On A Ledge
How often do hear someone that he's On A Ledge? Likely NOT so often. In fact, very RARELY, if at all. Swinging back to ourselves, have you been there? So, IF and When You're On A Ledge, how is it? Are things as crystal clear as the potable waters? OR are they as murky as the polluted or stagnant canals? Seriously though, When You're On A Ledge, this is the worst ever situation one can ever get into. Think of the worst-worst ever scenarios. Someone who's contemplating to quit a job although he's got NO alternative income-earning option yet. Someone who's gonna go on a sabbatical leave [WOW, what a polite and professional tag]π΅π·π΄From a science perspective, if you jump OFF THE LEDGE and accelerate towards the Earth, in turn, the Earth will accelerate towards you at the same time. That's NEWTON's Third Law. BUT throwing away all the scientific jargon, let's take a step back and envisage that YOU'RE ON A LEDGE. And the obvious upside is that the closer you are to the LEDGE, the less you're able to see the danger and the more alluring the view getsπππFrom a hiker's perspective, you would hear like: THE BIGGER AND MORE DRAMATIC DROP OFF, THE BETTER. Which is really ironic to the typical Tom, Dick and Harry because most of us are afraid of heights. Imagine in real life, edging closer to the edge, to the ledge, and much as you want to look down [for curiosity sake]. Let's to run a sampling. An eating disorder. One's negative coping skills. If we're in either of those predicaments, the better you're doing, the farther away you are from the LEDGE. Though, from a safe distance, you can still see the LEDGE but you can also see how dangerous that LEDGE is as you look out into the abyss from a safe placeπππSo, indeed we are at the precipice of getting closer ON A LEDGE, what are our FIXES? So, when life starts to get HEAVY, and you start to use eating disorder behaviors, OR your mental health is suffering in another way, you start EDGING close and closer to the LEDGE. The CLOSER you are to the LEDGE, the less you are able to see the danger and the more alluring the view gets, right? You completely forget how dangerous the LEDGE is because you get so smitten with the view as you look out and down. You edge CLOSER and CLOSER and the view gets enticing, that you end up having a hard time staying ON THE LEDGE❌❌❌And as you look down, you see things that are beautiful, like control and lack of pain. Eventually, the time comes that you get too close, the view becomes too enticing to stay away from, and you jump OFF THE LEDGE. BUT at the bottom of that LEDGE is PAIN and DANGER and LACK of CONTROL. The tricky thing is that all those things are disguised as you look down on them. ONLY when you reach the bottom do you realize that things ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEMED as you looked down FROM THE LEDGE. Tough Calls, dude❎❎❎No one size fits all. That explains why we're here, to share my 2-cents where it's worth it.
Saturday, March 16, 2024
Containing Loneliness
Containing Loneliness
Loneliness itself is a weird feeling. Sometimes we feel LONELY in a room full of people. Sometimes, we feel LONELY in an empty room. Sometimes, the memories haunt us. Sometimes, the future haunts us. Sometimes, something does NOT make sense. Sometimes, that same thing makes sense. BUT most of the time, we're NOT comfortable with this feeling. Feeling LONELY sucks, honestly. Then we start to believe that there's something fundamentally wrongπππ
No exception, surely everyone of us would have gone through some situations when we feel insignificant or worse, unworthy. Then, we start thinking how FLAWED we are. Then, in our attempt to fix things, you browse with Mr Google everything about LONELINESS. And expectedly, some of our browsing results will resonate with us while others DON'T
Then, somehow, we tend to navigate through this overwhelming feeling of LONELINESS until it hits us [AGAIN!] and again and again, UNTIL one day we will realize we've transformed into an entirely different person. So how do we fix this? Honestly, I am NO expert in counselling so I'll dip into my past decades of life. Here we go. Primero, let's remember and realize that we remain connected to many more millions who are going through the same things like usπ§π§π§Segundo, let's realize WE ARE IN CONTROL. Let us use our inner power to make positive changes in our life. Relaxing, reflecting or doing a new hobby, these are cost-free and almost effortless. Tercero, EMBRACE CREATIVITY. Many studies ended up with this FIX. Own your experience. Take its power awayπ₯π₯π₯Cuarto, remember you are CARED FOR. You may be living on your own now but surely, most of your loved ones are either a call away, a message away, a tweet away, an emoji away. In these times when social media's takeover of our lives CAN'T be denied, containing loneliness should NOT like a steep mountain to climb, NOT ANYMORE!!!The Day I Learned I Was A NOBODY
The Day I Learned I Was A NOBODY
For several decades, hospitals were as foreign to me as the planetary bodies. Many times I even boasted and bragged that the only time I got hospitalized was during my executive checkup UNTIL two Decembers ago, I went under the knife for the first time in my life. Now I confess that was The Day I Learned I Was A NOBODY. THAT I was NOT infallible. THAT I was vulnerable. THAT I was just human. And WHAT does this tell me? That SELF-EXAMINATION is one of the hardest things we humans can do. Since at times our own ego is bigger than what we can handle, it takes an enormous amount of effort to recognize and accept our FAULTSπ΄π·π΅
Although I grew up in our family where financial struggles was the norm ALMOST EVERY DAY [BUT that's not to heap the blame to my parents BUT I always accepted it as the harsh realities of life], I did develop that feeling of invincibility when growing up. Ironically, going through the shackles from our family's financial struggles during my childhood DIDN'T deter me or shoot down my willpower. BUT how can I blame myself. When I was 19, while I was 'RAW', I guess many teens would blurt the same thing, 'WHAT CAN GO WRONG'πππIncredibly, my solace was partly the knowledge that I have my entire life ahead of me. So, I asked myself, 'WHY WORRY?' Indeed, I took more chances than anyone I knew, even among my classmates and contemporaries. While I did NOT live for the thrills, I did live for the CHALLENGES which indeed did wet my appetite and hunger to aim for more. If I got a bit misguided, it was my [skewed] thinking that I could come up unscathed. Only then much later in life did I start questioning NOT only my life BUT also my PURPOSE. Suddenly, the 'thrills' ceased to be WHAT they once wereπππFriday, March 15, 2024
Why Is CONTENTMENT So Elusive?
Why Is CONTENTMENT So Elusive?
Many people believe that having tons of money would solve all their problems. However, even people WHO can afford great luxuries can find themselves UNHAPPY in their lives. The key to well-being ISN'T the number in your bank account BUT your ability to feel CONTENTMENT wherever you are in life. So, Why Is CONTENTMENT So Elusive? Have you ever bought a lotto ticket and allowed yourself to imagine all of the things you would buy with money❓❓❓
Becoming rich overnight would be absolutely amazing, whew! It's true, in lotto, from time to time, someone really wins the jackpot worth hundreds of millions and on that note, it may be safe to assume most people today wish they had more money and making that kind of money WOULD help solve their worries, fears and/or pain. Right? Maybe I guess. BUT hey, most people DON'T play lotto and assuming we do, the winning probability could be the slimmest ever you could think ofπ§π§π§
Some of us get into a profession [like a doctor or a lawyer] where it's true, we have a good chance of earning more BUT will all our woes simply dissipate in thin air? OR perhaps any of these professions DON'T seem doable so we end up focusing on something else. We turn our focus towards making enough money to pay our bills and saving up so we can retire comfortably in the future with the goal of travelling the world. Making just enough money to be comfortable would be wonderful. MAYBEπ₯π₯π₯
Why Is Our FREE-TIME MORE Important Than Our 9-5 Work?
Why Is Our FREE-TIME MORE Important Than Our 9-5 Work?
Why Is Our FREE-TIME MORE Important Than Our 9-5 Work? Before I get accused and/or bashed that I am inciting unproductiveness OR inefficiency at work, allow me to pre-empt such brickbats. BECAUSE at work, we're more efficient because of work procedures. BECAUSE at work, we're more productive because of company policies. BECAUSE at work, we're more conscious because of that FEAR of losing our job. So, our problem is managing our FREE-TIME. WHY? BECAUSE we are NOT bounded by RULES in managing our FREE-TIME. BECAUSE we DON'T fear if we end wasting our FREE-TIME. BECAUSE we [wrongly] thought and think [TILL NOW] that there are NO ramifications if end up NOT efficiently utilizing our FREE-TIME. BECAUSE there are no practices or traditions in any culture that our FREE-TIME be utilized efficientlyπ΅π΄π·
Now, when we think about SUCCESS at work, we tend to think about the behaviors and strategies that people manifest and exemplify at work. We think about WHAT people do during the 9-5 working hours, and whether they extend those hours by coming in early OR staying late to tackle projects. WHAT they do WHEN they get home, OR on weekends, WHEN they're away from the office and away from their computers, DOESN'T enter your mind. BUT here's the thing: IT SHOULDπππHOW people spend their FREE-TIME can actually have a BIG impact on their SUCCESS in their professional world. SUCCESSFUL people tend to spend their FREE-TIME in more meaningful ways. LIKE they read [whether it's fiction OR non-fiction] as READING is a lifelong skill. LIKE they have hobbies. Focusing exclusively on work MIGHT SEEM like a FAST-TRACK to SUCCESS. BUT this approach has a downside. it will stress you out and sets you up for BURNOUTπππLIKE volunteering. Volunteering, no matter WHERE or HOW you do it, it is beneficial for you and maybe, even your community. WHETHER you're providing mentorship or a community work, your time goes a long way towards benefiting the beneficiary of your VOLUNTEER work. I remember years ago when I had that sizable FREE-TIME, I was a Volunteer Probation Officer with the Singapore government's Ministry of Community Development. And frankly, I felt a huge achievement for sharing my FREE-TIME with my Singaporean teenager under probation then. And that extended to his parents as well who I gave my counselling too✅✅✅And of course NETWORKING comes in. There are one too many NETWORKING events outside the realm of corporate hours. SUCCESSFUL people are willing to step outside their comfort zones in an effort to meet new people regardless of any professional circumstances. WHY? The wider your network is, the more opportunities you'll have down the road❗❗❗Keep It Simple, Sirrrrs [KISS]
Keep It Simple, Sirrrrs [KISS]
Frankly, this was NOT my intended heading for our blog today because I wanted to borrow that infamous one-liner of Former U.S. President Bill Clinton when, in the midst of economic policy discussions at the White House, he blurted,Keep It Simple, shit [KISS] but lest I get flagged down by our hosting portal, I didn't want to take a risk. BUT our thread today revolves around making things AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLEπ΄π·π΅
BUT many argue that SIMPLE ISN'T SIMPLE. BUT hey, way back 500 B.C., Chinese Philosopher Confucius was quoted that 'LIFE IS REALLY SIMPLE BUT WE INSIST ON MAKING IT COMPLICATED'. With the influx of massive amounts of information, and the unabated explosion of technology [NOT to mention SOCIAL MEDIA], SIMPLICITY has become difficult to remain as suchπππLet's NOT look farther. Let us consider all of the elements we're bombarded with each day. A slew of calendar INVITES, metrics-based reporting, measures tracking, admin approvals, online forms for compliance, security compliance and so on. So, many times, it is us WHO do create that COMPLEXITY arising from SIMPLICITY. How did we create itπππSadly, we correct things by OVERCORRECTING with absurd workarounds. We also take SIMPLE intent and often over-engineer solutions to make people feel better about being included in a process. Much of this is SIMPLY not that necessary. The problem is from within us. And the downsides to this approach? Fatigue. Lack of results. Frustration. Destroyed passion. Added costs of execution. Extended decision-making processes, and so on❌❌❌Years back when I was heading the Pre-Sales Solutions Team, I presented before the managing director and the CFO. NOT to overblow things, after my presentation, they verbalized that they will signoff BUT and here's the catch. I had to rerun the same presentation to their Shared Services Center management team and rerun again to their Audit and Security Team. Whew! Of course, eventually I WON the deal but at what expense? By having the client tripling their decision-making process. Dude, let's NOT forget to always KEEP IT SIMPLE Sirrrrrs [KISS]✅✅✅Thursday, March 14, 2024
What Explains Our WRONG DECISIONS?
What Explains Our WRONG DECISIONS?
WHO has not made WRONG DECISIONS???? Of course, everyone of us made such NOT SO RIGHT decisions from time to time in the past [and maybe till as we speak now]. Question is What Explains Our WRONG DECISIONS? To put things in perspective, researches show that, on average, a typical person makes about 2,000 DECISIONS every hour, whew! BTW, most DECISIONS are minor and we make them instinctively, like should I take my mealπ΅π·π΄BUT let's face it, many of the DECISIONS we make throughout the day needs and takes REAL thought, and have serious consequences. And, consistently making good DECISIONS is arguably the most important habit we can develop, especially at work. Our choices and DECISIONS will likely affect our health, our relationships, our safety, our well-being, and a lot more. BUT here's the ALERT: Be incisive if you will manifest some mindsets that can trigger a RED FLAG for youπππThe most common of these alarming mindsets is the DECISION FATIGUE. That's when even the most energetic people DON'T have endless mental energy. Our ability to perform tasks and make decisions wears thin when it is repeatedly exerted. With so many DECISIONS to make, especially ones that have a big impact on other people, it becomes inevitable to experience decision fatigue. To counter it, identify the most important decisions you need to make and PRIORITIZEπππThen comes our steady states of DISTRACTION. With the technology tsunami from the past decade [and TILL NOW] ushering in unprecedented convenience. Researches how that our brains process five times as much information as much information today as in 1986. Consequently, many of us live in a continuous state of DISTRACTION and struggle to focus. How to fix this? EACH DAY, FIND TIME TO GO OFFLINE❕❕❕There's this interesting study by Author Susan Cain that many introverts are reluctant to speak up in a meeting UNTIL they know precisely WHAT they want to say. Another culprit is MULTI-TASKING. Unfortunately, there AREN'T many jobs left in the world today that DON'T require MULTI-TASKING. And while that's the reality, studies show that performance and DECISION-MAKING suffer up to 40% when we MULTI-TASK. So, now we know WHAT EXPLAINS OUR WRONG DECISIONS❗❗❗Do You LIVE LIFE? Or Do You REACT to LIFE?
Do You LIVE LIFE? Or Do You REACT to LIFE?
Do You LIVE LIFE? Or Do You REACT to LIFE? Sometimes, does it happen that others DON'T seem to understand your pain while they seem to live a HAPPY LIFE? BTW, that is a common predicament and the hard TRUTH is that HAPPINESS takes a lot of HARD WORK and even learning how to live life to the fullest takes a hell lot of stretched patience. I can state this straight to your eyes because I went through this gauntletπππ
And there's a lot more bagful of not so shocking surprises in life, spelled S-T-R-E-S-S. STRESS comes in many forms, shapes, and colors. And sometimes they creep in, incognito. WHAT's our trick? Once you see that "STRESS", prick it like the party balloons. WHEN we stumble across people who smile in public, many of them would likely have been through every bit as much as people who cry, frown OR screamπππ
As our LIFE IS SHORT [and mind you, we only LIVE ONCE], learning to LIVE LIFE to the fullest is an important step to making the most of every day. But HOW? Words seem easier but let's try it out:
- DECIDE what's important to you via PRIORITIES
- TAKE RISKS. Every reward in life carries a RISK
- SHOW YOUR LOVE to the people you care about
- LIVE IN THE PRESENT. Just learn from your past
- IGNORE HATERS. Such is life. Just IGNORE them
- DON'T compromise VALUES if something is not right
Wednesday, March 13, 2024
Our Most Common Nemesis
Our Most Common Nemesis
Do we have Our Most Common Nemesis? Yes, we do have and it's those MISUNDERSTANDINGS triggering OR worsening conflicts. When a MISUNDERSTANDING occurs, guess WHO caused the problem? Of course, it's a no-brainer, everyone involved in that conversation. Even in good faith, anyone can be party to a MISUNDERSTANDINGπ΅π΄π·
If you have something to say, it's up to you to ensure that the person you are imparting OR delivering your message to have it understood as clearly as WHAT you said and WHAT you did intend the message. And many times, with our best intentions we say something BUT ending up NOT finding the most appropriate words OR phrase. And that usually results in either a misinterpretation OR being quoted out of contextπππ
At the same time, if you're being spoken to, it is up to you to ensure that you clearly and fully UNDERSTOOD what's been said. If anything is said that you're NOT 100% certain you did understand, it's crucial that you ask questions to clarify. Not asking the right clarificatory questions either because you missed OR you hesitated will end up with the same result, that you might end up NOT getting the message as meant and intended❎❎❎
All it takes are 5 simple steps to avert OR avoid MISCOMMUNICATIONS:
- ASK PERMISSION TO DISCUSS THE SITUATION - DON'T hesitate
- ASK QUESTIONS & REALLY LISTEN TO THE CLARIFICATORY ANSWERS
- FIND THE SOURCE OF THAT MISUNDERSTANDING & CORRECT IT
- CHECK THAT UNDERSTANDING HAS BEEN REACHED
- CONFIRM THAT ALL IS CLEAR
Why Do You Get UNDERESTIMATED?
Why Do You Get UNDERESTIMATED?
Why Do You Get UNDERESTIMATED? A recent study in the United States shows that 27% of Americans think that they are NOT well understood, and as such, UNDERESTIMATED. Are you one of that 27%? BUT before we go berserk with this topic, let's deep-dive and understand WHY people UNDERESTIMATE us [and maybe you yourself you're UNDERESTIMATING yourselfπ΅π΄π·And before we get bogged down with other arguments, let's look FROM WITHIN. Let us LISTEN to our own feedback as to WHY we're UNDERESTIMATING ourselves. MAYBE you're NOT getting enough feedback? Are others reaffirming how well you're doing? Science tells us that FEEDBACK MATTERS. In one study, people performed tasks equally well when given FEEDBACK or NOT. However, those who were left in the dark actually UNDERESTIMATED their abilitiesπππThe thing is, we constantly need an INFLUX of FEEDBACK. And if you're NOT given one, go, ask for it, look for it. And we got to be sharp for that 'LIKING GAP'. STRANGER BIAS is when we meet someone and automatically assume they DON'T like us. This makes us THINK they've UNDERESTIMATED us BUT in reality, science says otherwise. Apparently, that 'LIKING GAP' doesn't only apply to strangers BUT even personal relationships as well. Oh oh, this one should be a relief if you're neurotic like me. And sometimes, UNDERESTIMATION is nothing but an ILLUSIONπππThere was even a survey of undergrad students and asked them a series of questions about grammar, logic and even jokes. They then asked the students to score themselves. Interestingly, the students who OVERESTIMATED their score actually scored the lowest. As for the students WHO UNDERESTIMATED themselves? They actually scored the highest✅✅✅So what's our TAKEAWAYS here? Let us start a 'SUCCESS FILE'. Your 'SUCCESS FILE' will be a collection of all your strengths, capabilities and SUCCESSES. These include commendation emails, endorsement, positive feedback, and even THANK YOU notes. Just to share, till now, those colorful small stars I received from my 'Mission Impossible' workshop colleagues [hosted in Hong Kong years ago] are posted on the wall fronting my home workstation. WHY? Because that constantly reminds me of those best moments wherein my colleagues coming from various countries have given me their votes of affirmation. So, WHY DO YOU GET UNDERESTIMATED❓❓❓Straight from my thought processes...
Trust The Process
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