Work Life & Personal Life, That BALANCING ACT

Work Life & Personal Life, That BALANCING ACT

Is there an issue at all with regard either Work Life & Personal Life ?  Surely there is none, right?  BUT is it worth tweaking here and there?  Absolutely.  As work is taking over the lives of many of us [especially during that pandemic] in today's fast-paced global environment, and if we DON'T guard ourselves against WORK-LIFE BALANCE, there could be increasing work-family conflicts  and stress📗📙📘

For some, vacations might be getting shorter [BUT just to be clear, we DON'T have that issue within our organization because of the very good policy for employees to utilize at least 50% of their leave credits] and are sometimes clubbed with work lor even worse, many DON'T have the time for a vacation.  QUALITY family time is getting invaded by the omnipresence of media and the internet [NO THANKS to social media]💴💷💵

Now, do we buy that MYTH of the IDEAL EMPLOYEE perpetuated [NOT by the organizations BUT rather our societies] that creates intense time pressure or what some refer to as a 'TIME FAMINE' which can lead to stress and worse, to job dissatisfaction, possibly creating work-family conflict.  That "MALE MODEL' of work prescribes an IDEAL employee who is male, full-time and continuously at work from the end of his education, fully committed to the organization and WITHOUT any responsibilities outside of work❌❌❌

That MODEL is NO longer valid and has become outdated.  In addition, we can also observe a change in attitudes toward what constitutes a successful career especially among the newer generations.  Even our current generation has started to question old assumptions about HOW work is done, HOW to show commitment WHERE and WHEN to work and HOW to advance in the organization.  Along with having a highly paid job, they strive for a 'more complete' life that includes both a successful professional and a personal life✅✅✅

Worse, some couples even have started to postpone and control their procreative activity, resulting in an increasing average first childbearing age and a considerable reduction in fertility.  Bottom line here is fairly simple.  The key to work-life balance [WLB] is right in our hands.  If we DON'T have, likely your organization is NOT the culprit BUT it's us, you WHO loses by default for NOT picking up the challenge❗❗❗

Say NO Instead of Silence

Say NO Instead of Silence

It's perfectly understandable when we hear someone say that he/she would rather remain SILENT rather than Say NO.  I agree with that dilemma because I've been there, done that and it's a tough call to make.  It even pushes you to the DAMN IF YOU, DAMN IF YOU DON'T kind of thing.  Despite our common denominator of a dilemma here, experts are one in saying that it is appropriate to Say NO Instead of Silence📗📙📘

The worst situation where you want to say NO but squeezed in between is when you are in the middle of heated argument [and even if that argument is healthily engaged by both parties].  IF saying NO leads to a break or cutoff of a relationship, IF saying NO means breaking off from a partnership that just can't fail, IF saying NO means parrying or pivoting in a difficult situation, the expert advice is to hold in abeyance such response or action.  BUY TIME💴💵💷

All things being equal, why is saying NO better than SILENCE?  Primero, saying NO is never a FAILURE.  The truth is, receiving a 'NO' for an answer is much better than an eerie SILENCE.  WHY  Because 'NO' leaves little room for debate.  You have your answer and you can move on to bigger and better things.  True it WASNT a YES but a YES is coming and that 'NO' wasn't it.  Makes sense?  So, by being afraid to say 'NO', we are actually closing off the possibility of a YES.  In which case, there are only two acceptable outcomes namely, YES and NO📌📌📌

How do you overcome that dilemma or saying either YES or NO?  You have to try until you get to one or the other.  DON'T settle for SILENCE because it is NOT an absolute.  You CAN neither leave the door open or closed because silence puts everything in LIMBO.  And we all know, if and when we're in LIMBO, we're neither here nor there.  'NO' is therefore better than SILENCE✅✅✅

Now, let's take an extra step forward.  What's stopping us to say 'NO'?  Generally, right behind all these will be that FEAR lurking right behind you.  That FEAR of rejection.  That FEAR of offending.  That FEAR of burning bridges.  That FEAR of NOT being able to stand scrutiny when your 'NO response gets challenged from all fronts.  So what's our FIX?  Dump away across the window that FEAR because to Say NO is much better than SILENCE❗❗❗

NICE Is What You Hear [When There Are NO Inputs]

NICE Is What You Hear [When There Are NO Inputs]

How often do you articulate things so well only to receive a curt response like 'NICE'?  Should be rare BUT when hearing no more than that curt 'NICE', there is likelihood that there is NO substantive response that will be forthcoming response to follow because likely There Are NO Inputs to expect.  So, we got to be sensitive and sharp enough in those exceptions so that you DON'T end up offending the person or worse, so that you DON'T get slighted because you thought you DON'T deserve such a curt 'NICE' after all your articulation⏳⏳⏳

In the past, I did get caught in those 'curt reply' moments and in good faith, I thought I DIDN'T deserve such curtness NOT until I did some dissecting to figure out the situation.  And in good faith, I made the following assumptions:  either the person was NOT comfortable with the discussion topic OR he/she was NOT familiar enough [so that means he/she does NOT have any inputs] OR you and that person are NOT on the same page or wavelength for reasons we CAN'T even fathom.  Takeaway here is that that is the counterpart of body language in verbal communications📗📙📘

BTW, studies showed that communication problems are the #1 reason couples split up with 65% of couples citing this issue as the primary cause of divorce.  BTW, this is NOT limited to romantic relationships as they are often at the root of conflicts in our everyday life.  Perhaps we fail to say what we mean, OR we misinterpret the words of another💎💎💎

Surprisingly, the very #1 most common issue triggering communications problems is NOT TRULY LISTENING.  Sounds familiar?  Your partner/spouse is talking and you seem to be nodding BUT glued on your gadget!  Problem is, when we DON'T actively listen to the person we're speaking to, NOT only do we run the risk of making the person feel invalidated BUT we also miss important nonverbal cues❗❗❗

The #2 trigger of communications problems is ASSUMING YOU KNOW THE MESSAGE [even before the person finishes talking].  BTW, we've all done that. I'm guilty of that quite many times BUT the less here is that WHEN we assume we know WHAT the person will say, we miss WHAT is actually being said.  At the end of the day, if you have NOTHING else to say substantively, think twice if give a curt "NICE" reply because that is NOT ACCEPTABLE by any means❌❌❌

Be Brave When Vulnerable

Be Brave When Vulnerable

Let's face it.  NOT one amongst is NOT VULNERABLE.  We have tons and tons of VULNERABILITIES.  According to American writer Brene Brown, being VULNERABLE is never a WEAKNESS at all.  Unfortunately, many of us [that included me before] hate the word VULNERABLE.  It sounds negative📌📌📌

We all agree that being VULNERABLE is that state where we find ourselves needing help from others.  It's like opening ourselves up to judgment and even to disappointments.  To add salt to injury, people tend to pass judgment so easily because they lack empathy.  BUT the question is, if they put themselves in another person's shoes, will they do things DIFFERENTLY?  Will they act DIFFERENTLY? Will they come out of it better than the person who is actually experiencing a particular challenge in life?  A lot of people just DON'T want to show VULNERABILITY because they DON'T want to be judged, period📗📙📘

Now let's swing to one of our worst fears.  It is DISAPPOINTMENT.  Getting DISAPPOINTED happens when we have a lot of expectations [and sometimes the expectations may be few but SO HIGH it's just unachievable].  So, when we are VULNERABLE, we hope to find support from our loved ones or close friends BUT there are times when the support we were expecting is neither given nor extended.  So, it becomes a RISK everytime we share those 'DARK MOMENTS' in our lives..... BUT taking a RISK is a BRAVE thing to do💎💎💎

Now, what does it take to show others that we are BRAVE enough although life is NEVER perfect?  It's just human nature that we deal with adversities all the time BUT again, we are also resilient.  Being VULNERABLE is just human.  Those trials and tribulations in life are NOT something we should be ashamed of, sometimes shit [pardon for lack of a better word] happens and we end up NOT having control of it💊💊💊

When do we find our true, genuine friends?  It is during our moments of VULNERABILITY, ironically.  BUT could we have found them if we were never BRAVE enough to show them we're VULNERABLE? To clear up the air of confusion, VULNERABILITY is NOT winning or losing BUT it is having the courage to show up and be seen when we have NO control over the outcome. Be Brave When Vulnerable✅✅✅

If You DO What You've Always DONE...

If You DO What You've Always DONE...

If You DO What You've Always DONE, you will always get what you have always gotten.  I'm sorry but this is a FALLACY.  We can look up to all the success stories, whether in business, sports or arts and easily, we should quickly realize that those who succeed and remain on top are always pushing, stretching, and learning NEW things.  They are so sharply aware that if they DON'T, they will soon be losing to someone who will step out of his/her COMFORT ZONE, striving to get better💴💷💵

Simple conclusion here is that we CAN'T just do the same things every day OVER and OVER again yet expecting to improve our lot.  Not at all.  Great things never come to those who remain in their COMFORT ZONE.  Talking about IMPROVEMENTs, there were studies where the respondents were asked to improve themselves just 1% every day.  And it looks a very token target to begin but this is what experts call the AGGREGATION OF MARGINAL GAINS📗📙📘

The essence here is that we are NOT demanded to take a GIANT LEAP of FAITH or that QUANTUM LEAP coming out from one's COMFORT ZONE.  Instead, it is just one step then add increments of one step, next step and next step.  Unfortunately, so many people are locked in their COMFORT ZONE, afraid to venture out💊💊💊

Fact is, if can just realize that all winners were at one time filled with doubt, why DON'T we make it easier to take that first step despite the fact that in UNCERTAINTY lies all possibilities.  BUT if we have that earnest desire to change our results, we need to change our actions.  Frank challenge to us, WHAT can we change today?  WHAT do we need to do differently?  A straightforward question is "IS WHAT I AM DOING NOW WILL TAKE ME TO WHERE i AM GOING TO?'  Because very bluntly, COMFORT ZONES kill progress, growth, innovation and success💎💎💎

QUO VADIS?  Where do we go then?  That question is reserved for each of us to respond to.  BUT to go from where we are now to our point of destination, it will take so much gumption and determination to extricate ourselves from that foxhole where we are in right now.  BTW, WINNERS were NOT born.  WINNERS are self-made stories who left their COMFORT ZONE in pursuit of their target PRIZED PLUM📌📌📌

Mixing Up ANXIETY Versus CURIOSITY

Mixing Up ANXIETY Versus CURIOSITY

Quite often, Mixing Up ANXIETY Versus CURIOSITY is concerning.  To align and ensure we DON'T get mixed up, allow me to quote the below definitions:  CURIOSITY is a non-judgmental inquisitiveness whereas ANXIETY is experienced as a threat of some kind [real OR imagined] versus CURIOSITY which can be just wondering about a non-emotional aspect of something.  So can ANXIETY and CURIOSITY happen at the same time?  As per experts, WHEN WE ARE IN THIS STRESSED STATE OR POTENTIALLY ANXIOUS STATE, THEN WE CANNOT BE CURIOUS AT THE SAME TIME📗📙📘

So, that's the stark contrast between ANXIETY versus CURIOSITY.  While ANXIETY can be driven as a habit by triggering worry as a mental behavior, despite that false sense of control, worrying ISN'T helpful whereas CURIOSITY is more rewarding for our brains.  Problem is, worrying comes easy to us.  We seem too quick and nimble in playing the mind's keys to compose our cacophonous masterpieces💴💷💵

In our moments of flow, we tend to become one with our ANXIOUS ruminations and in the end, lose track of reality.  We too are staggeringly creative.  Even when things are going well, we tend to agonize over imagined reversals of misfortunes.  Those lots of unnecessary WHAT IFs.  Banishing worry from our lives altogether may be a tall order.  BUT what is possible is to change our relation to it, hold our instruments with a tighter grip .  Here's the GOOD NEWS though.  Psychologists state that embracing CURIOSITY can even help to halt ANXIETY📌📌📌

So what does CURIOSITY really mean?  Researchers state that it is the desire to take in a new knowledge and experience.  It is that mindset that can STOP your ANXIOUS brain from thinking of every 'worst case scenario'.  Because whereas ANXIETY drives FEAR, CURIOSITY invites WONDER.  Studies show that when we seek new knowledge, scary feelings like uncertainty, SHRINK💎💎💎

So what's the experts' recommendation?  FOLLOW YOUR CURIOSITY.  As CURIORITY activates the same reward centers of our brain that light up when we learn something new or accomplish a goal, CURIOSITY also helps to temper DISTRESS and it makes us LESS DEFENSIVE and LESS REACTIVE to stress.  With all these benefits arising from our CURIOSITY not seemingly palpable, it takes a conscious effort for us to recognize the value and benefits of CURIORITY because it's about time we put to a stop the confusion caused when mixing up ANXIETY and CURIOSITY✅✅✅

Your HITS & MISSES In Life

Your HITS & MISSES In Life

How's your locomotive train going so far?  Have you counted Your HITS & MISSES yet?  If your response is NOT in the affirmative, that is a potential RED FLAG  because, by now, if you DON'T have your data for Your HITS & MISSES In Life, there is simply NO way to collect such data retroactively.  BUT again let's NOT cry on spilled milk.  If you haven't lifted your finger to Your HITS & MISSES In Life, Your HITS & MISSES In Life, as the WAZE Apps says, LET'S GO💵💴💷

Remember, the reason the AMAZING RACES were so successful for so many years across so many countries is because, the reality is that our life is akin to the AMAZING RACES no less. And as we progress in those vaunted AMAZING RACES, we will realize that we cannot be an expert in one skill and then everything will fall into place📗📙📘

So, you might challenge me, what's the beef about our HITS & MISSES In Life?  Point is, in life, whether it's our personal life OR at our work life OR at our business forays, our performance and even progress [or even NON-PROGRESS] need to be measured.  Can we imagine going through the motions of our daily life with NO metrics. NO measurements❓❓❓

So, you might challenge me, WHY do we need to know our HITS & MISSES In Life?  Our response is fairly straightforward here.  By being aware of our HITS & MISSES, we can pat our backs and beat our chests for all the HITS, so that should further boost our self-motivation, energizing and sustaining our successes.  For the our MISSES, that is part of our PULSE CHECK to know WHERE WE STAND and what's our progress [or even NON-PROGRESS till to date]✅✅✅

Let's take the worst case scenario wherein we are totally unaware of our HITS & MISSES? That is a scary proposition, if I were to state my case in subtle terms.  And if you incurred tons and tons of misses, HOW, WHEN and WHAT will you need to work on, to rectify mistakes, to refine and re-tweak near-HITs and turn it to legitimate HITs?   Dude, if you haven't done this yet, track and monitor your HITS & MISSES starting now, pronto❗❗❗

We All Have The Same AIRTIME

We All Have The Same AIRTIME

Who says we were NOT born equal?  I can be the son of an ordinary John Doe and he/she could be the child of Elon Musk BUT I just DON'T care.  WHO cares anyway?  Contrary to some disconnect that keeps widening, We All Have The Same AIRTIME in life.  AIRTIME in terms of OPPORTUNITIES.  BTW, did you know that despite Elon Musk's position at the top of the totem pole, do you know that he NEVER finished his university schooling?  So, that's it, one's social status or standing is even irrelevant to talk about.  So, where do all these lead towards❓❓❓

When I was in High School, many of my classmates were exchanging notes with regard their upcoming plans for their target universities, of course, at our country's capital city.  WHEREAS, I myself, coming from a family upbringing peppered with financial struggles, I dipped inside my small piggy-bank then and bought a book about careers📗📙📘

Did my distressing situation ever deter me at that time?  No sirrrrrrs.  On the other hand, I was readying and warming up all my cylinders because I well knew it that I will NOT be plunging in a sprint BUT a marathon contest.  It will be a TEST of WILLS, enough for me to define the end point where I will end up❗❗❗

When my contemporaries and close friends at work departed one by one, migrating to the United States, to Down Under [in Australia and even in New Zealand], you might ask me, how was the pressure on me considering that I seem to be eating the dust as the rest of the pack have come and gone💎💎💎

Frankly, those comings and goings was to me, no more no less NEUTRAL things that were irrelevant to my own personal pursuits.  Being so focused with my pre-set goals, I plotted my own timelines which were so realistic to a 'T' such that I was utterly in TOTAL CONTROL of my own trajectory and even its timings.  Fast-forward, in due time that time, I eventually migrated to Singapore ON MY OWN TERMS as I always believe that WE ALL HAVE THE SAME AIRTIME✅✅✅

NO Energy, NO Problem

NO Energy, NO Problem

No sirrrrs, our thread today has got nothing to do with electrical OR battery sources but instead, this is all about our own ENERGY levels which, by analogy, we can compare to energy sources.  BUT surprisingly, when we say NO Energy, NO Problem, it's because there are either quick or DIY fixes which we can leverage on🔖🔖🔖

The most common ROOT CAUSE of low Energy levels is TIREDNESS.  Even before we end up rushing to consult the GP, a proven effective way to keep up your ENERGY through the day is to eat regular meals and healthy snacks every 3 to 4 hours rather than indulging in heavy meals [ooooops, apologies, I am putting up here a farcical facade that I'm an expert in this field, NO sirrrrs]💎💎💎

Next practical DIY is to GET MOVING.  We might feel that exercise is the last thing on our mind.  BUT in fact, regular exercise will make you feel less TIRED in the long run, so that should give you more Energy.  Even a single 15-minute walk can give you an energy boost and the benefits increase with more frequent physical activity.  So, let's try starting with a small amount of exercise.  Build it up gradually over weeks and months until you reach the recommended goal of 2 hours 30 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise such as cycling or even brisk walking💵💷💶

Next off, if relevant, LOSE WEIGHT to GAIN ENERGY.  In case your body is carrying excess weight, that can lead to exhaustion.  It also puts undue extra strain on your heart, which can make you tired.  LOSE WEIGHT and you'll feel much more energetic.  Apart from eating healthily, the best way to lose weight and keep it off is to be more active and pursue more exercise initiatives.  Next off, oh, this is a no-brainer.  SLEEP WELL.  Unfortunately, many people DON'T get the sleep they need to stay alert through the day.  Practical tips:  GO TO BED and GET UP in the morning at the same time everyday.  Avoid naps✅✅✅

Next off, this is tough.  REDUCE STRESS.  Sadly, STRESS uses up a lot of energy.  try to introduce relaxing activities into your daily schedules.  Working out at the gym.  Yoga. Tai Chi.  Listening to music.  Bottom line is, WHATEVER RELAXES you will improve your Energy.  Now for a tougher call.  Cut out caffeine.  GP's all advise in unison that when we feel tired, we should cut off caffeine urgently, albeit gradually over a 3-week period.  No rocket science here but where you got NO Energy, NO Problem❗❗❗

What Is The BIGGEST Room

What Is The BIGGEST Room

What Is The BIGGEST Room?  It's neither your living room nor mine.  We're referring to ROOMS for IMPROVEMENTS in our life as the biggest room.  A bit of history here, this motivational quote came about way back 1862 and popped up again in 1911.  In short, for over a century, the biggest room in the world has remained the ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.  It doesn't matter WHO you are or your stage in your life⏳⏳⏳

If there is a BIG DON'T, it is NOT to compare yourself to others and become discouraged.  Just like you, they have ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.  Simply put, FOCUS ON YOURSELF.  Seek to make improvements in your life daily.  Realize that NO one ever reaches perfection.  Thing is, this notion of IMPROVEMENT sounds so simple and non-controversial BUT it is anything but that.  For IMPROVEMENT to be systemic and continuous requires fundamental change in the way people work together.  And the very first characteristic is the ability to fulfill one's unique potential.  The others are coping with the normal stress of daily living, working productively and participating meaningfully in the community💴💷💵

So, the bigger question is:  HOW DO WE FULFILL OUR UNIQUE POTENTIALS?  A given here is that each of us brings something to the table but the biggest opportunity arises when we identify our strong points and consolidate them while resolving the work on one's current WEAK POINTS and transform them into areas of strength💎💎💎

This realization, that we are NOT static beings and that every single day we wake up and draw breath is a fresh opportunity to do better and to strive continuously for SELF-IMPROVEMENT and SELF-ACTUALISATION.  All these are based on the factual premise that each and every one of us is unique and different from each other person.  This is evidenced by the fact that we all have unique fingerprints and DNA for instance📌📌📌

Let us be mindful though that NO two individuals, NOT even identical twins, will have the same 'fingerprints'.  Deriving from the above is the need to stay in our OWN LANE and live our own life without unfair comparisons to others because YOU are different.  While STAYING IN OUR LANE, it will be foolhardy for us to simply resign ourselves to our respective areas of STRENGTHS while neglecting our glaring WEAKNESSES.  That will lead us then to The BIGGEST Room✅✅✅