Feelings Must NOT Define Us

Feelings Must NOT Define Us

Remember the lyrics from Katy Perry's song:  DO YOU EVER FEEL, LIKE A PLASTIC BAG DRIFTING THROUGH THE WIND, TRYING TO START AGAIN?  Exactly.  Do you ever just feel like you're doing so well and your day is going great?  Then all of a sudden the weather shifts out of left field unexpectedly.  Everything is going well for you and then all of a sudden out of that left field you just feel this heavy weight of NEGATIVITY get to your head.  Thing is, Feelings Must NOT Define Us📗📙📘

When you may question everything you're doing in your life, you're wondering if you're in the RIGHT PLACE and/or if you are in the correct line of work.  The people you are surrounding yourself with, all different facets of your life may seem much more NEGATIVE than they did a few hours ago.  Isn't that strange? All the NEGATIVE thoughts are flooding in and you may see the world and your work as just plain awful.  Some people may call it an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS but I'll opine that it's just a moment WHEN we're just feeling kind of low and NOT sure about what we're doing OR if we're in the right direction📌📌📌

BUT that it just completely NORMAL, right?  And just an outlier, an 'OFF DAY', right?  That happened to me in the past.  Given the efficiency record of the Singapore metro train, I expected to be in office in ten minutes only to find out while I was at the passenger platform that there will be five-minute delay.  WHEN I finally reached my office, I booted up my laptop, still oozing with energy and rushed quickly to the pantry to prepare my coffee only to spill it on seat when I rushed back.  And when I was clicking and clicking my Outlook mail application for urgent mails, for reasons I cannot fathom, my mail folders were NOT updating.  Talk about MURPHY's Law💴💷💵

As quick as my reflexes can be, I quickly recovered and whispered to myself that all these snafu that early morning should NOT define me for that day by egging myself to STICK to my priorities, THAT I got deliverables that day, THAT nothing else can spoil my day except my non-delivery [which was a NO-NO]❌❌❌

So, hearing these expressions like, "I'm pissed off with my mom", "I'm furious with my boss" OR "I'm sad and depressed today", those are manifestations or the first inklings where we're using our emotions to DEFINE who we are, even for a day.  WHEN we succumb to that failing, we are almost GIVING UP our own identify and end up being controlled by our emotions.  More often, we do NOT become 'angry; or 'happy'.  Instead, we merely feel ANGER or HAPPINESS.  Whatever it is we are FEELING, it is important to remember that we are still ourselves.  A human being who feels a wide spectrum of EMOTIONS. So, what really happens when you make that distinction in the way you approach EMOTIONS is that we will end up realizing that we are still in CONTROL of things.  We should realize the complex creature that allows us to hold multiple personalities and FEELINGS at the same time and IF it cab easy to compartmentalize.  Just ensure our FEELINGS MUST NOT DEFINE US❗❗❗

That 'SPOTLIGHT EFFECT'

That 'SPOTLIGHT EFFECT'

I am no psychologist but social psychologists introduced the term 'SPOTLIGHT EFFECT' which refers to our human tendency to overestimate HOW much other people notice about us.  In other words, we tend to think there is a SPOTLIGHT on us all the times, highlighting our MISTAKES or FLAWS for all the world to see.  To complicate things, the same experts highlight that for people with SOCIAL ANXIETY, the SPOTLIGHT EFFECT can be much worse to the point that it affects our ability to work or feel comfortable around others📗📙📘

Frankly, it is NOT uncommon to find ourself feeling embarrassed.  However, for people with SOCIAL ANXIETY, this feeling can be overemphasized.  Classic example is, if you wake up late and go to work with your disheveled hair, you may be convinced that everyone notices and secretly thinks badly of you❌❌❌

Let's think of REAL-LIFE occasions where we [or YOU] felt like everyone was watching YOU like when you were wearing a new outfit to work slightly different from your usual style.  You end up worrying all day that other people did notice your outfit and judge you.  In REALITY, most people likely DIDN'T pay much attention to WHAT you were wearing OR if they did, they probably thought it looked fine✅✅✅

Sometimes, that bugging apprehension related to amplifying your PERSONAL FLAW.  IF you are worried about something you see as your PERSONAL FLAW such as a bad habit, you might feel it is obvious and that others will immediately notice it.  That can lead to TENSION and ANXIETY though💡💡💡

Making MISTAKE is another common dilemma. You might feel like people are watching your work or performance and noticing every small MISTAKE.  That can make you feel scrutinized and self-conscious and the ANXIETY it creates can even affect your motivation, productivity or performance  The irony of these all is that for LITTLE or NO issues at all, you end falling prey to that SPOTLIGHT EFFECT [when you should NOT be] at all📌📌📌

Keep THAT FIRE Burning!

Keep THAT FIRE Burning!

To Keep THAT FIRE Burning is easier said than done but this is a MUST-DO so we have to.  BUT as part of our takeaways in life, we DON'T need to be convinced that in a relationship, DON'T allow the 'small things' to get in the way of keeping the FLAME alive in your relationship.  It is up to each of you, individually and together, to make this happen.  And we just to realize that that relationship takes a LIFETIME of EFFORT📗📙📘

Now, I am NO guru on this topic but I'll pull out from my sleeves some age-old practical advices and topping that list is to COMMUNICATE REGULARLY.  And COMMUNICATING is more than just talking.  It is an exchange between the two of you where talking, listening and understanding occurs.  It involves the ability to pay attention to what your partner/spouse is thinking and feeling.  Good communication builds both parties up no less💎💎💎

Emilia Fazzalari, the CEO of Cincoro Tequila and wife of filthy rich American entrepreneur and Boston Celtics majority owner Wycliffe Grousbeck shared that they love to spend an afternoon making pasta sauce from scratch and preparing a feast  And she doesn't miss to share that the holidays are the BEST TIME to light a fire, throw on some great music and fill the night with fun conversations and laughter after her frenetic pace of work💵💴💷

Another shared advice is to CONNECT EMOTIONALLY.  Understanding and listening the NEEDS and WANTS of your partner/spouse helps bring the two of you closer together.  Continue to get to know each other on a deeper level.  And remember to LAUGH.  Just DON'T take life so seriously💕💕💕

And if there is one thing sorely missed by many of us after years and years in a relationship, we got to LOOK FOR THE BEST IN EACH OTHER.  When we look for and focus on the BEST in others, we see the BEST.   Translated bluntly, you SEE what you want to SEE.  Moreover, laughter RELIEVES stress, RELIEVES tension.  Who says the flame is about to flicker out?  That's baloney.  DON'T buy that BUT instead, leave no single stone unturned💙💛💚

Do You [REALLY] Need To BREAK THE BANK

Do You [REALLY] Need To BREAK THE BANK?

Do You [REALLY] Need To BREAK THE BANK?  That was my pointed question to my daughter few days back when she wanted to buy an add-on accessory and then she suggested she will dip into her PIGGY BANK.  I had to stamp my foot down and said NO because I thought she NOT Need To BREAK THE BANK because I didn't see at least even one valid reason to justify it.  It was neither an emergency nor a case in point where she was in 'dire financial straits'.  And lastly, although what she wanted to buy was a MUST-HAVE, that can wait once she's got the budget

Well well well, seriously, we should NOT stop going out and enjoying life because by then, life might be boring but we need to realize figuring out a strategy of NOT BREAKING THE BANK.  First off, a great way to NOT spending more than you want is to set a specified amount to spend each day or night you go out.  HOW do you know if you are breaching the threshold of overspending if you DON'T set a limit❓❓❓

Frankly, make sure your limit is LESS THAN what you have in your bank account for obvious reasons.  You CAN'T spend more than you have, and you certainly want money left over after the day or night is done.  Once you have established your BUDGET for that day or night, you need to STICK to it.  What's the point of making a limitation if you yourself WON'T follow through❌❌❌

The age-old RULE-of-THUMB is to pay in CASH [unless you're into a major procurement that will require bundled tons of $$$$$$.  Otherwise, the CASH you bring is the only CASH you'll have [UNLESS you'll run to the ATM BUT HEY DON'T DO THAT].  Fact is, once you run out of CASH, you CAN'T buy anything else.  BUT here's I am guilty of this because when I run out of CASH, I end up swiping my credit card.  So WHAT's the FIX?  Leave that credit card at home otherwise, trust me, you will likely succumb to swiping that plastic

Now, the WILD CARD is NOT the credit card BUT the debit card because the latter reinforces your confidence that you got MONEY IN THE BANK.  So what's our FIX?  You can transfer your debit card's balance in your savings account [UNLESS your savings account is linked to your ATM debit card !@#$%?  Otherwise, HAVE FUN, you can go out and have a great time WITHOUT BREAKING THE BANK❗❗❗

Tell-tale Signs of UNHAPPY PEOPLE

Tell-tale Signs of UNHAPPY PEOPLE

Anyone who can defined HAPPINESS?  So sorry folks, HAPPINESS comes in different forms and shapes that it can hardly be commonly defined across.  We know it WHEN we see it and we definitely know when it's taken ahold of us.  Nevertheless, there are Tell-tale Signs of UNHAPPY PEOPLE that should give us a cue of things💎💎💎

Let's face it, UNHAPPINESS is lethal to everyone around us, just like second-hand smoke.  The spreading fear here is that even if you  DON'T consider yourself to be UNHAPPY BUT being around with UNHAPPY people is linked to poorer health and a worse, a shorted life span.  Just one of the Tell-tale Signs of UNHAPPY PEOPLE📌📌📌

Truth is, UNHAPPINESS has much less to do with life circumstances than we might think.  If we think that the likes of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg are twenty or a hundred times happier than the typical John Doe?  NO sirrrrs, studies show that they are only a smidge happier than the average Joes and Janes who work for them.  So, what are Tell-tale Signs of UNHAPPY PEOPLE📘📙📗

Again, life circumstances have little to do with HAPPINESS because much HAPPINESS is under our CONTROL, the very product of our habits and our outlook in life.  Even psychologists who study HAPPINESS found that genetics and life circumstances only account for about 50% of a person's HAPPINESS.   The rest is up to YOU💎💎💎

When we are UNHAPPY, it becomes much more difficult to be around them , let alone work with them.  UNHAPPINESS drives people away, creating a vicious cycle that holds us back from achieving everything that we're capable of.  UNHAPPINESS can catch us by surprise though.  So much of our HAPPINESS is determined by our HABITS [both in thought and in deed] that we have to monitor them closely to make certain that they DON'T drag us down into the abyss✅✅✅

What's Your PLAYBOOK?

What's Your PLAYBOOK?

What's Your PLAYBOOK [in life]?  OR, do you have one right now?  Otherwise, we really encourage you to craft one.  WHY?  Can you imagine if you're the pilot whose aircraft is about to takeoff and YET you DON'T have a FLIGHT PLAN?  Or if you're Football Coach Jose Mourinho or NBA Coach Gregg Popovich yet you DON'T have a GAME PLAN ahead of the game at hand❓❓❓

In life, our PLAYBOOK is the very BIBLE that will guide us in all our decision-making.  WHAT to do and WHEN, WHO goes WHERE, HOW to handle this or that scenario?  In brief, our PLAYBOOK in life is a thorough plan of action to achieve our goals, visions and success targets.  WHAT IF you DON'T have one?  It's GAME OVER EVEN BEFORE THE GAME STARTS💎💎💎

As a PRIMER, how do we craft one?  Oh Oh this takes a little dreaming, a little faith in the process of visualizing something beyond your current state.  If in case we're having trouble seeing WHAT we want in our life to look like, let us try the REVERSE approach wherein we ask ourselves, WHAT DON'T WE WANT IN OUR LIFE TO LOOK LIKE❓❓❓

IF we can PUT A THUMB on WHAT we DON'T like about our life, it will often help clear a little bit of the muck off that windshield of our life, and see things a little more clearly.  So WHAT'S next?  Spend a little time on WHAT we WANT life to look like, as that becomes the very END GAME of your PLAYBOOK [like it or not]✅✅✅

Let's start with the basics,  Plot your vision of things the first to third years.  Once you have that vision, then try WALKING BACK and create a set of benchmarks for each year,  WHAT do you want life to look like at the end of Year-2 and what do you want it to look like at the end of Year so that you're essentially progressing towards your 'FINISHED PRODUCT' by the end of Year-3.  Once you're done with this first BUILDING BLOCK, progressively move to visualize on the upcoming years after Year-3.  Where possible, please tag your PLAYBOOK WITH URGENCY ✅✅✅

Happier When We Embrace Our Difficulties

Happier When We Embrace Our Difficulties

It's just normal for us to avoid SUFFERINGS and DIFFICULTIES.  WHO wants it anyway?  BUT studies show that embracing DIFFICULTIES helps.  Oh, if we have a commonality, I guess most of us are sick of the news.  Politics.  War.  Protests.  Tragedies.  Ok Ok, I get it.  Life is difficult but what's unfathomable is WHY people seem to embrace VIOLENCE, BAD NEWS and events beyond their control AS IF they are the secret to their happiness.  BUT hey, we can be Happier When We Embrace Our Difficulties📗📙📘

The famous American Essayist, Ralph Waldo Emerson, was quoted: "CAN ANYBODY REMEMBER WHEN THE TIMES WERE NOT HARD MONEY NOT SCARCE?  Since hardship and difficulties have always existed, how can we use them to make us HAPPY?  Is it possible that by embracing difficulty, we can find happiness❓❓❓

For alignment, can we agree that HAPPINESS is NOT the absence of problems but instead it is our ability to deal with them?  In fact, let us agree farther that more GOOD things happen to people than BAD BUT our problem is we have a NEGATIVE BIAS that makes us focus on the BAD.  For instance, when someone looks at us funny, we go on a tailspin.  Or another driver changes lanes a little close to us, we CAN'T wait to reach office and tell our colleagues someone 'CUT US OFF'💎💎💎

In most cases though, people really DON'T look at us funny.  BUT it is our perspective that sometimes distorts things to favor our bias but effectively, it ends up unfavorable to us.  And sometimes, people end up making risky decisions NOT because they want to hurt someone BUT because that's what people sometimes do.  Indeed, we have that pattern of making risky decisions❌❌❌

Our takeaway here is that while most of us probably expect a HAPPY life to be devoid of SUFFERING and full of constant joy, NO one has a life FREE of sorrow or pain and thus we should NOT insist our circumstances to change, that we will land a 'PERFECT' job.  Achieving unwavering HAPPINESS is an illusion BUT we can be HAPPIER when we EMBRACE our difficulties❗❗❗

DON'T Be Unvulnerable To Mistakes

DON'T Be Unvulnerable To Mistakes

How often do we get into that ordeal of an awful moment of clarity when we realize that we've screwed up?  WHAT happens next?  Our hearts and mind race, our paths sweat and our mouths dry up.  We consider our options and what to do next.  Hope NO one notices it?  Hide until it it blows over?  Pretend it NEVER happened?  Heyyy, DON'T Be Unvulnerable To Mistakes📙📗📘

BUT again, hope is NOT a strategy and taking timely action trumps passivity or avoidance.  And WHAT's the best thing we can do when we make a mistake is to be accountable and own it immediately.  For one, that averts a possible misunderstanding.  The benefit of immediate accountability is that we can clear and open communication about WHAT went wrong and WHY.  And hearing it directly helps diffuse possible rumors that could arise💴💵💷

Fortunately, by doing so, it will demonstrate our VULNERABILITY as a STRENGTH.  As it takes courage to admit when we've screwed up and face possible judgment and ridicule. it just makes sense that we "EMBRACE THE SUCK" that is VULNERABILITY and admit when we've made a mistake.  Insecure people will try to minimize their exposure by COVERING UP their mistakes.  We CAN'T be like them❌❌❌

From a first person basis, by acknowledging our mistakes, we'll learn from them instead of repeating them.  Studies show that by practicing this, very likely we will NO longer worry about being WRONG and instead, delight in being mistaken.  Just go to remember that we're doomed to repeat a mistake and CAN'T learn from it unless we acknowledge it✅✅✅

In a humble manner, this will send signals to others that we're just HUMAN [as they can be too].  But let us be mindful that NOT all are willing to admit to it for FEAR of looking incompetent.  Those WHO own up to their shortcomings signal that theirs is a CULTURE in which it's okay to be IMPERFECTLY HUMAN.  And when we model that behavior, we can likely create a more open CULTURE that embraces us NOT to be UNVULNERABLE TO MISTAKES🔖🔖🔖

What Goes Around Comes Around [Rated X]

What Goes Around Comes Around [Rated X]

Reposting this from Quora.com courtesy of the posting by Rebecca as Rated X [because this story is NOT suited for minors]: A housewife takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work.  NOT aware that her 9 yr old son was hiding in the closet, her husband came home unexpectedly so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy NOW has company.  BOY:  Dark in here.  MAN:  Yes it is.  BOY:  I have a baseball.  MAN:  That's nice.  BOY:  Want to buy it?  MAN:  No, thanks.  BOY:  My dad's outside.  MAN:  Ok, how much.  boy: $ 250.  Few weeks after, it happens again the boy and her mom's lover are in the closet together again.  BOY:  Dark in here.  MAN:  Yes it is.  BOY:  I have a baseball glove.  MAN:  That's nice.  BOY:  Want to buy it?  MAN: No thanks.  BOY:  I'll tell.  MAN:  How much?  BOY:  $750.  MAN:  Fine.  Few days later, the boy's dad says:  Grab your glove.  Let's go out, play baseball.  The boy says:  I can't.  I sold them.  FATHER asked:  How much?  BOY:  $1,000.  FATHER says:  That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that.  I'm going to take you to church and confess to the priest.  They go to the church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.  BOY says:  Dark in here.  PRIEST says:  Don't start that sh*t again !@#$%&?

Fact is, there are laws that govern our universe, like Newton's LAW of GRAVITY which says:  WHAT GOES UP COMES DOWN.  The Law of Thermodynamics says that all things break down.  And there's the Law of SOWING and REAPING.  But for this Law of SOWING and REAPING, it is both positive and negative in a sense.  As we swing back to our life, this hits the nail on the stone because it can't be more relevant📗📙📘

As we look back, we'll find some who who pursued FUN while you pursued FAITH.  Some pursued PARTIES while maybe you pursued PRAYERS.  And while others REAP corruption or deadness, you're REAPING life.  That principle of KARMA also kicks in here as it means AS YOU SOW, YOU SHALL REAP.  Say one person did wrong to another.  The general habit is that the other person chooses to react by paying back in the same coin.  This is where the phrase "WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND" comes handy❗❗❗

Indeed this comes handy as it encourages POSITIVITY within us, saying 'IF KINDNESS AND POLITENESS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO COME TO YOU, LET THE SAME GO FROM YOU".  Sometimes we are wronged and as humans, some of us are tempted to do the wrong thing as well❌❌❌

GIVE WHAT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE.  If we yell 'you are a thief', what happens next is we will hear the word's echo.  What does this tell us is that the world is our own projection.  Everything you encounter is your own design.  KARMA is like the fruit of a mango tree.  The mango will yield the tree and the tree will yield the mango and the cycle continues.  Indeed, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND❎❎❎

STOP Managing Your Time!

STOP Managing Your Time!

Until this very moment, we keep hearing everywhere that we should do this:  to MANAGE OUR TIME.  But studies show that we must STOP Managing our Time because we are all BARKING AT THE WRONG TREE!  Apparently, one of the biggest red herrings in most of the productivity advice we see has to do with the relentless pursuit to CONTROL, wrangle, seek, carve out or MANAGE TIME📌📌📌

Now, here's the very blunt statement arising from those studies: MANAGE YOUR ENERGY, NOT YOUR TIME.  IF YOU DO THAT, TIME WORKS ITSELF OUT.  The studies show that the science of stamina has advanced to the point where individuals, teams, and whole organizations can, with some straightforward interventions, significantly increase their capacity to get things done💵💴💷

Heard of this story:  He was young, married, with four children, working 10 to 14 hours a day, felt perpetually exhausted, and found it difficult to engage with his family in the evenings, which made him feel guilty and dissatisfied.  He SLEPT POORLY, made NO time to exercise, and seldom ate HEALTHY MEALS. instead grabbing a bite to eat on the run while working📗📙📘

BUT hey, studies tell us that the core of the problem with working LONGER HOURS is that TIME IS A FINITE RESOURCE.  ENERGY is a different story though.  From a Physics perspective, ENERGY is defined as the capacity to work, energy comes from four main wellsprings in human beings:  the BODY, EMOTIONS, MIND and SPIRIT💎💎💎

In each, ENERGY can be systematically expanded and regularly renewed by establishing specific rituals, behaviors that are intentionally practiced and precisely scheduled, with the goal of making them unconscious and automatic as quickly as possible.  Quick FIXES: IF you're feeling tired, shorten a call by 5-15 mins.  PUT OFF a task for later when you know it will be easier on you.  OR do the thing BUT in a way that gives you a bit more ENERGY.  The key is to NOTICE YOUR ENERGY STATE, give yourself headspace to think about options.  Bottomline is STOP MANAGING YOUR TIME,  TIME TO MANAGE OUR ENERGY✅✅✅