Old Habits Are Hard To Break

Old Habits Are Hard To Break

Heard of any of these:  Starting tomorrow, I will cut down my carbo by 50%.  I'll quit smoking from today.  I will manage my social media time from ten hours to one hour everyday.  I'll stop eating junk foods including burgers and fries.  Guess, what is the average success rate across those  who set those game-changing goals?  The success rate is even below five percent, whew. Indeed, Old Habits Are Hard To Break not because our goals are a charade but simply because we get eaten alive by human frailties💎💎💎

I myself, I was guilty of this many times in the past but at some point, I confronted myself in front the mirror and I gave myself an ultimatum no less.  HOW?  I tried to identify CUES.  Something has to trigger a habit and a CUE can be anything.  Maybe the sound of alarm triggers you to hit the snooze button📌📌📌

Once you have identified the CUES, try disrupting things by throwing the BAD habits off track.  If the alarm CUES you to hit the snooze button, place the alarm clock [or your smart phone] at the other side of the room.  Trekking across the cold floor will likely disrupt that snooze habit.  Now, let's listen to those researches who recommend that we try to replace a BAD habit with a GOOD habit as it's proven to be more effective than stopping that BAD habit alone⏳⏳⏳

Then, KEEP IT SIMPLE as it's usually hard to change a habit because the behavior has become easy and automatic.  The opposite is true too.  New behaviors can be HARD because your brain has NOT taken over that new behavior yet.  Moving on, think LONG-TERM because HABITS often form because they satisfy short-term impulses, just the way chewing on your nails might immediately CALM YOUR NERVES✅✅✅

Lastly, PERSIST and PERSIST.  Various researches have shown that what you've done before is a strong indicator of what you'll do next.  This means established HABITS are HARD TO BREAK.  But here's a silver lining across the gloomy clouds.  If you keep at it, your new behaviors will turn into habits too.  All it takes is dogged determination and PERSISTENCE, and it works.  Yes, this is true:  OLD HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK❗❗❗

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Oh Oh Oh I hope our thread today is NOT that controversial enough to innocently hit some sensitivities.  I just thought, given what's going on in our life, it's worth talking why Beggars Can't Be Choosers.  And when we hear about it, we can't stop but think differently.  Yes, it is TRUE that many beggars are CHOOSERS yet we know they shouldn't be CHOOSERS💎💎💎

I remember walking the main streets of San Francisco, 'beggars' [or at least as they want to be] who were much more well-dressed [from head to foot] than me were begging for a dollar or two.  And that caused me to look at myself.  Do they look better off than me?  Of course at that point, they did because I went down from my Hyatt Hotel room to go to the next door McDonalds.  But for some reason, there are a lot of people out there who feel entitled to having all of their unreasonable demands met in the first place📌📌📌

But hold on, we shouldn't be talking about beggars at all because at the end of the day, they deserve all the help they need.  Instead, what I'm driving at is anyone who's still living a normal life but NOT enough for him/her to achieve a 'BREAKTHROUGH' in life.  These are the folks who are NOT a totally helpless lot BUT these are people who has a card to play OR an option to leverage on except that what's pitiful is that when someone has one OPTION, he would look for two OPTIONs.  When he's got two OPTIONS, he would look for three OPTIONS⏳⏳⏳

Let's over the job market.  According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average tenure of employees is 4.1 yrs but when you swing over to the Asian Region, for entry-level job roles, the average tenure of employees nosedives to 2 yrs, whew.  WHAT can explain that atrocious number?  Likely many in the market are not aware that BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS✅✅✅

What gave me a hint to have this as our thread today?  It was a feature item in CBS Sports with regard Miami Heat whose cinderella run continues till now, except that while their protagonists, Denver Nuggets have been rested for nine days, they got only 2 days before Game 1.  But again, as this adage goes, BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS.  Keep grinding though❗❗❗

DON'T Play With Your Food

DON'T Play With Your Food

Food anyone?  Yes we need that.  And I guess everyone does have his rice bowl when meal time comes.  So, what's the fuss?  Yes, have you seen instance when people Play With their Food?  And we're referring to the blessings heaped upon them.  A loving and loyal spouse/partner.  A happy family,  A rewarding career.  A burgeoning entrepreneurial foray.  Yet, along the way, their foot gets off the gas accelerator and they begin PLAYING WITH THEIR FOOD.  Does that make sense❓❓❓

It's just a fact of life that we deviate less and less in our thinking as we grow older but regardless, the power to mitigate is very much in our hands.  At an early age, we are taught/trained that there is a clear distinction between RIGHT versus WRONG.  On the playground, it is right to sit on the see saw but it's wrong to walk across it.  The square peg goes to the square hole, NOT the round one.  It's good to be polite and it's bad to play with food because that's NOT food is meant💎💎💎

Our human desire to be right will compel us to follow authority instructions until they become so second nature that we stop thinking actively what to do.  So, once we have all the food on the table, all those opportunities abound around us, those blessings we're reaping as fruits of our labor, we tend to 'lower our guard'.  And unconsciously, we tend to devalue the gargantuan efforts we exerted to reach where we are now⏰⏰⏰

Way past our childhood, do we still deserve to be reminded DON'T PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD?  But wasn't that taught to us through the years, especially from all the experiences we culled in life?  I can share this first-hand observation.  Someone wasted more than three decades of his life because when the sun did shine constantly and everything was constantly nice and dandy, he stretched things to the tune of becoming a frequent flyer [and even bragging he logged 24 flights in a year]❗❗❗

Have you come across folks who reached the very peak of their life but they're nowhere near around that vicinity now?  Obviously, that's NOT worth to be a news anymore BUT it ISN'T late for us to realize that we got to VALUE WHAT YOU HAVE NOW and leverage on it, exploit it to the hilt because there are NO guarantees that that round of harvest will still be for your picking when you wake up come next day📌📌📌

Is Your Regression A Blip or A Warning?

Is Your Regression A Blip or A Warning?

Is REGRESSION worth our 'talking point' today?  Yesirrrs this is very much worth it because everyone of us [and with NO exception] would experience REGRESSION at some point[s] in one's life.  If you are a consistent A-Lister in school, surely there are academic terms when your grades will skid.  At work, you may be a real workforce but there will be points where your performance will dip.  In your relationship with your spouse/partner, we cannot deny that there were moments in the past when one or both partners were NOT giving it all in their relationship.  So then, the ask is: Is Your Regression A Blip or A Warning❓❓❓

This is NOT a statistical blog but it behooves that we DON'T overlook [or IGNORE] that CORRELATION versus REGRESSION.  But again, this gets a bit complex because the experts claim that there are two kinds of REGRESSION, namely CONSCIOUS versus UNCONSCIOUS.  And since REGRESSION is a common phenomenon that occurs most often under stress, we all go through it but unconsciously though💊💊💊

When an executive feels stuck on a problem, they might REGRESS to infant behavior, even sucking and chewing their pen down to the cartridge.  When a spouse feels neglected, they REGRESS by throwiing a tantrum and threatening to take somethin away.  A freshman college student misses home and REGRESSES by cuddling with her childhood Teddy Bear.  Now, since this coping mechanism is so prevalent, we might as well consciously embrace and direct REGRESSION to our benefit.  Whether you breath work, consciously going back to high impact moments that influence how you behave can help⏳⏳⏳

if you perceive or observe some pattern or behavior you want to change, challenge yourself.  Is that a BLIP or just a WARNING?  If it seems just an outlier and a BLIP at that, that's fine, you can sweep it under the carpet.  BUT if that BLIP happens over and over again, hey that isn't a BLIP anymore, not an outlier.  That calls for an incisive NEXT MOVE📌📌📌

What happens then if such REGRESSION does not seem to be a BLIP anymore?  Next move is for us to FIX the problem.  If there is more a psychological issue that triggers that REGRESSION, so be it, find a FIX for that.  If your work was sloppy last month and today it became sloppier, you may need to seek professional help to figure out what's ailing you, if at all, and how to FIX it.  I've seen people REGRESS and they simply shrugged off their shoulder and claim it's a BLIP, not until that REGRESSION becomes chronic enough.  By that time, TOO LITTLE TOO LATE is NOT even a FIX anymore✅✅✅

Playing Victim?

Playing Victim?

Nope, we're NOT into drama and all those scripts BUT surely, you have heard of circumstances when one seems to be Playing Victim?  Frankly, Playing Victim is a tactic that lots of people use, either consciously OR unconsciously.  Sometimes, they do so because they believe that painting themselves as the injured party could benefit them in a certain situation or even, life in general⏳⏳⏳

And this all boils down to NEVER accepting responsibility for their actions, blaming everyone else for things that go wrong, and complaining that they're always the one who suffers even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.  BUT let's admit.  At some of point in our lives, all of us did Play Victim maybe once or twice, all because it's really part of human nature.  And the sad truth is that very few of us have that mental strength to accept responsibility for our mistakes every single time we make them💊💊💊

Having said all these, it can be frustrating and also a bit confusing to deal with someone whose default mode is the victim.  Now, here's an innocent question for us all:  HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE's PLAYING THE VICTIM CARD deliberately?  And how do we deal with it?  Too bad people can be Playing Victim in all kinds of different ways.  How do we figure out one who's Playing Victim❓❓❓

So. what's our FIXes for this Playing Victim kind of thing?  Numero Uno, DON'T ever get dragged into emotions.  Problem is, when people start Playing Victim, emotions become part and parcel of the circumstance.  So, how do you deal with it?  Remain cool.  Be 'poker-faced'.  Just a single misstep can drag you into that quagmire.  Numero dos, DON'T BITE the BAIT as you may end up hapless victim by the Playing Victim📌📌📌

Note that those playing victim do deal in judgments and 'shoulds' in interaction with others.  They tend to operate based on assumptions.  Worse yet, angry and victimized feelings seem to be bottled up inside and worse, that may even lead to depression.  Whether you may end up Playing Victim or ending as a prey of someone Playing Victim, be wary of this❗❗❗

Patience Is More Than Waiting

Patience Is More Than Waiting

How often have we come across people WAITING & WAITING, not because they are 'lazy dogs' but rather because they believe they are exercising PATIENCE, which is technically true and correct but there's a loophole on that logic. Rumi, the 13th century Islamic Scholar was quoted: 'PATIENCE IS NOT SITTING & WAITING, IT IS FORESEEING .  IT IS LOOKING AT THE THORN AND SEEING THE ROSE.   That egged me to have this as our thread today for a simple reason. Patience Does NOT Mean Waiting.  As virtues go, PATIENCE is a quite one.  It's often exhibited behind closed doors, NOT on a public stage.  

Yet, PATIENCE is essential to our daily life.  Having PATIENCE means being able to wait calmly in the face of frustration and adversity.  So, anywhere where there is frustration or adversity, we have the opportunity to practice it.  In school [for students], at home with our kids, at work with our colleagues, PATIENCE can make the difference between annoyance and equanimity, between worry and tranquility.  However, experts have concluded that PATIENCE comes in many 'DIFFERENT STRIPES'

One, there is 'INTERPERSONAL PATIENCE', that virtue of simply facing annoying people with equanimity.  And studies show that those who are more PATIENT towards others also tend to be more hopeful in life whereas another type of PATIENCE involves those waiting for our life's hardships without frustration or despair.  Studies linked this kind of people to those having more hope in life

For those beating their chest because they have been WAITING, be more incisive for that kind of WAITING you are manifesting.  I can attest to have observed people [close enough] who thought they are so PATIENT by WAITING and WAITING.  He had a long list of options and that's all that matters even if the plans have gone awry❗❗❗

In the end, it's true that person managed to stretch his WAITING and WAITING till the last drop, till he ran out of options but where did that lead him to?   He was left high and dry, holding on to a bag of hopes that have gone the drain because he [wrongly] thought that by WAITING and WAITING, he was on the right side of things.  If there's one thing you CAN'T recoup, it is that LOST TIME, all lost on the pretext of WAITING❓❓❓

What Makes CHANGE Difficult

What Makes CHANGE Difficult

What Makes CHANGE Difficult?  It's all due to human nature.  We all love to remain in the comfort zone[s].  BUT the reality is, CHANGE can be seen all around us, and many times it's NOT even our choice at all.  Whether that CHANGE can be taking public transportation rather than taking an Uber/Grab, we all have personal behaviors where we wish we could adjust, stop or start.  From our tender age, we were introduced to CHANGE, some more often than others, and somewhere along, we end up developing our own perceptions💎💎💎

The mere mention of CHANGE may start to cause others to feel uneasy [at the very least].  And we often find ourselves resisting CHANGE, perhaps because of the PERCEIVED risk or fear associated with it.  I am NOT a Buddhist but do allow me to quote Buddha: 'CHANGE IS NEVER PAINFUL.  ONLY RESISTANCE TO CHANGE IS PAINFUL'.  Facing the mirror awhile ago, I asked myself, HOW MANY TIMES IN THE PAST I REFUSED or RESISTED CHANGE? After some soul searching, my answer is NONE, NADA, NICHTS, RIEN, ZILCH📌📌📌

Without unnecessarily divulging proprietary information, in my company's global organization, there are myriad of strategic initiatives plotted for execution within the years and topping the list is no less than all communications related to CHANGE as an initiative.  It is a global move with very high visibility because there is this consensus across the global organization that CHANGE is crucial enough to reverberate its impact, whether a CHANGE rollout becomes a success or failure⏳⏳⏳

Let's swing back into our personal lives and we could attest CHANGE has happened over and over again way beyond what we want.  A daughter WHO, for the first time, has to leave home and attend school in the capital city.  A daughter getting married.  Difficult changes would include putting up the family property FOR SALE [due to financial reasons].  A more difficult one might be a working parent [who's the family breadwinner] quitting work due to illness✅✅✅

To progress through a CHANGE stage, it is essential that we instill MOTIVATION toward the CHANGE.  One, by educating oneself on the behavioral change.  If I am an alcoholic and I want to CHANGE, I must listen/accept all the lessons and information about the disadvantages of being an alcoholic.  Securing your personal BUY-IN is 'primus inter pares', the very first among equals for us to disprove that CHANGE is DIFFICULT❓❓❓

When Can New Habits Come

When Can New Habits Come

When Can New Habits Come?  Can we buy it from Amazon?  Or from the online stores?  I stumbled across a study from Duke University researches who confirmed that HABITS account for approximately 40 percent of our behaviors on any given day.  For us to know and learn how to build new HABITS is essential for us to make progress in our life✅✅✅

BTW, I don't want to come clean [because no one on this planet] is as dainty and as immaculate because as humans, we have our faults.  BUT here's a BIG BUT.  Accepting that we do have this and that bad HABIT is a good first step for us to realize that we need to BREAK that bad HABIT as a first step.  To set expectations, however, breaking bad HABITS will entail you to summon your fortitude to decide WHEN to break it instead of being like a dog with all bark and nothing else❗❗❗

Yes, I grabbed this poster because it could be the most popular first question from any novice.  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO CREATE A NEW HABIT? Here's our 2-cents.  First, as Former U.S. President Bill Clinton once said, KEEP IT SIMPLE.  Start with an incredibly small habit, something that is SO easy you just CAN'T say NO.  But hold on, what's the common retort we hear from people who want to have a new HABIT?  OH I NEED MORE MOTIVATION......  HOW I WISH I HAD MORE WILLPOWER LIKE YOU DO.  These are self-defeating statements💎💎💎

Oh Oh, I'm afraid this is the WRONG FIRST STEP.  Research shows willpower is like a muscle.  It gets fatigued as you use it throughout the day.  Another way to think of this is that your motivation EBBS and FLOWS.  It rises and falls.  Experts call this 'MOTIVATION WAVE'.  So, you got to solve this problem by picking a new HABIT that is easy enough⏳⏳⏳

Yesirrrrrs there is a SIGNAGE, this way to "NEW YOU" but to reset expectations, that is NOT a one-stop destination, that is NOT a 'catch all-have all; endpoint, that is NOT a point-to-point travel with an estimated travel time a.k.a. ETA for road warriors/travellers.  That 'NEW YOU' signage will simply lead you to the correct direction .  So, WHEN CAN NEW HABITS COME?  Start it NOW, pronto and constantly stick to it, then you'll be fine📌📌📌

EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE

EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE

If we all have a commonality in life, we all feel drained or zapped at various points in our daily life.  The question is, where is the RED SEA that sets apart the vast difference between an EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE?  Those are two poles very much comparable to the gap between the skies and the ground.  Too bad some of us are unable to distinguish the huge difference between EMPTY Exhaustion Versus FULFILLING FATIGUE

IF we need to find role models, we can pick from those competitive sportsmen.  They follow a regimented training schedule even if they have to clock-in 4am or 11pm.  But outside of competitive sports, this is where we pity some of us.  Have you witnessed idle and effectively doing nothing many hours yet you would hear one yawning, confusing you whether you are seeing a legitimate EXHAUSTION or just a hollowed FATIGUE❓❓❓

To keep things as basic and as simple as possible, the very gauge is NOT simply whether you're physically/mentally manifesting a 'LOW BATTERY' but we got to validate our manifestation.  Was it caused because you just came home after working twelve pressurizing hours?  OR you just drove a 10-hr stretch?  OR did you spend the past hours on social media?  Switching from Meta/FB to IG to Twitter, name it.  OR you were in a to-and-fro video call with your pal, talking anything EXCEPT sense?

IF only we spent our time diligently.  IF only we enforced our time management efficiently.  IF only we stuck to our targeted tasks for the day.  IF only we DE-PRIORITIZED social media until your tasks have tapered off.   IF only you politely disengaged yourself from a 'nonsense conversation' even if that was with your BFF.  IF only you realized that any unutilized time is LOST time.  IF only you constantly reminded yourself to be accountable for every ticking minute of your 'awake' hours

With humility, I'll admit I NEVER went through this kind of predicament, wherein in the end, I would regret so much time has passed yet I was unable to DO what I needed to DO.  And as the old adage goes, regret comes only at the tail-end.  BUT given the choice, would you prefer yourself going through an EMPTY EXHAUSTION instead of a FULFILLING FATIGUE?  C'mon dude✅✅✅

Did You HEAR What You Wanted To HEAR?

Did You HEAR What You Wanted To HEAR?

No No No sirrrrs, our thread today is NOT about hearing problems that may need a hearing aid.  Instead, this is intended for everyone with NO hearing problems, per se.  Instead, we'd like to dig in and figure out why people with normal hearing capabilities are facing a different dilemma, and that's their tendency to HEAR WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR, period.  Do you follow me?  Can you relate to this.  If NOT you yourself, did you bear witness to some people whose hearing discipline is more SELECTIVE, a.k.a. FILTERED wherein they end up hearing ONLY WHAT THEY WANTED TO HEAR and nothing more❓❓❓

Heard of this fact:  Schools teach courses on HOW TO PRESENT.  BUT have you heard of courses on HOW TO LISTEN?  Very likely you haven't heard.  Oh Oh, well, LISTENING is the kind of skill that benefits from NOT just teaching but really WALKING THE TALK.  To take a step back, a participant in any conversation has two goals, namely to UNDERSTAND the message and to convey an INTEREST to it⏳⏳⏳

Now, before we swing to other people, how are you, how do you LISTEN?  Let me share HOW do I discern if the person I'm talking to is NOT sincerely LISTENING.  If he does NOT react OR comment at all to what I said, that is my reliable barometer that the person I'm talking to is NOT sincerely into that conversation.  OR to give that person the benefit of the doubt, maybe there's something that's mentally bothering him RIGHT NOW📌📌📌

So what's our FIX?  Let us understand that ACTIVE LISTENING has three aspects namely, COGNITIVE, EMOTIONAL and BEHAVIORAL.  The COGNITIVE piece expects us to pay attention to all the information.  The EMOTIONAL piece expects us to stay calm during the convu, including containing emotional reactions [e.g. are you getting annoyed OR bored]❗❗❗

Now, let's come up with a CHEAT SHEET.  

1. REPEAT the person's last words back
2. DON'T put it in your own words unless you need
3. OFFER non-verbal cues that you're listening
4. ASK more questions as it manifest listening
5. AVOID distractions during the conversation
6. APOLOGIZE if you can't understand something
7. RESPOND only once the person stopped talking
8. MANAGE your emotions as much as possible
9. Once the person is done, take a brief pause, then compose your thoughts  [as that takes a conscious effort] and since people think four times faster than the one talking, that's the time your brainpower starts to gain momentum

We hope that after your two-way interaction, you managed to HEAR NOT JUST THINGS YOU WANTED TO HEAR✅✅✅