When In A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation?

When In A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation?

Certain life changes can ROCK you to your core.  Others leave you wondering what's the point of it all.  When these feelings overtake you, you may be experiencing an 'EXISTENTIAL CRISIS', a situation that can evolved into a difficult and sometimes an unbearable When In A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation❔❔❔

Psychologists define EXISTENTIAL CRISIS as a normal transitional phase that many of us do experience.  Here's quite a scary scenario:  When something in your life makes you confront that you will die at some point, and that's whether someone in your life dies, there's an illness or something similar, you might then start to ask questions about WHERE YOU ARE in life.  So you might blurt out, WHAT DOES THESE ALL MEAN?  The studies of psychologists show that there's usually a TURNING POINT and moment of awareness that's often linked with worrying about death.  That TURNING POINT triggers a A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation📌📌📌

That TURNING POINT causes people to think about and question the meaning in their lives.  They look at what they're doing and WHY they're doing it.  They may have profound feelings of dissatisfaction about where they are in life.  BTW, no one is immune from getting into A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation.  Many times in the past, I've been in that 'KITCHEN SINK' situation and many times I kinda jumped straight from the frying pan into the fire⏳⏳⏳

A financial crisis is another trigger of A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation.  Even that idea about death, we can keep it at bay for a long time but when that coronavirus pandemic hit us all, death was so suddenly FRONT & CENTER for many people.  It's like they were running on a hamster wheel everyday just trying to catch up.  But so suddenly, that dreaded pandemic stopped that wheel.  People then slowed down enough to start to wonder 'WHY AM I ON THIS WHEEL?  DO I EVEN WANT TO BE ON IT?  WHY DO I KEEP GOING?'  People then started to question the things that they had been doing in a rote way.  It's really all about the meaning of it all💎💎💎

So before we all get shocked to be in A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation, here are the most common triggers:

• Death of a loved one 
• Illness/Grave medical situation
• Sudden change in circumstances, e.g. an unexpected job loss
• Age-related 'LIFE CHANGE', e.g. kids leaving home

Where possible, never get into A 'KITCHEN SINK' Situation✅✅✅

Those Doubting Thomases

Those Doubting Thomases

No sirrrrrrs, our piece today is NOT about religion or more so Christianity, not at all.  Instead, we'd like to zero-in on real life situations we all come across when there are Those Doubting Thomases.  And today, I read an article on Dwayne Wade who was kind of bashed for taking a minority ownership with the NBA Utah Jazz ballclub instead of Miami Heat where he retired💊💊💊

Now, please allow me to quote Dwayne Wade:  'WHEN PEOPLE STILL DOUBT YOU, GO FAR AWAY SO YOU WON'T HEAR THEIR NOISE'.  Oooops that did hit things on the nail's head and I came to realize that that's a valid statement.  No need to run your counter-arguments and no need to waste time reacting to noises in the periphery which remain as NOISES at that and nothing else.  And if you are perturbed, indeed, as Dwayne Wade said, GO FAR AWAY⏳⏳⏳

I did run into all these fracas and noise in the past.  Some quarters doubted me as to my capabilities, as to how far can I go, reach and end up in my journey.  So, how did I handle things?  I went so far away such that I DON'T & WON'T hear all those Doubting Thomases.  End result, I managed to disprove all those doubts about me💎💎💎

So how exactly did I handle those situations?  First off, I literally 'SHUT OFF' all my eavesdropping around me.  But this action is a double-bladed step because once you SHUT OFF, if there are good advices, you can miss them out so how did I tweak things?  I did that selective filtering so that my eardrums remained wide and open to anything coming from my spouse/partner, loved ones and my most trusted circle📌📌📌

To recap, allow me to share this cycled diagram I stumbled across.  It is fairly simple but this cycle is ensconced on two feet firmly on the ground.  First off, stand pat and firm on things you really believe in.  No amount of pressure and coercion can throw you off your saddle on that.  Secondly, when doubts linger, DON'T accept such doubts hook, line and sinker.  As this poster goes, DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS because it's your call [and NOT the Doubting Thomases]✅✅✅

When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down

When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down

No sirrrrrs, our piece today is NOT related to either weight loss or weight gain.  Instead, we'd like to spend a bit of time about those burdens in life.  BTW, no one wears teflon to keep one immune from the burdens in our life.  Whether you were born with a silver spoon or you grew up the hard way, we all go through that gauntlet to test our mettle.  The biggest question though is how do we handle our life When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down⏳⏳⏳

All of us experience times when we are overwhelmed with our BURDENS.  Even our patience and hope wear thin as our energy is drained under the weight of our responsibilities.  We then feel helpless and discouraged and wonder if there is any way to escape such troubles.  So, the bigger question is, when your heart feels heavy and your body weary, what's next❓❓❓

Injury.  Illness.  Unemployment.  And even strained relationships that end up.  There are one too many burdens in our life.  I'm no Buddhist but allow me to quote one of Buddha's teachings which says:  'WANT WHAT YOU HAVE AND TO NOT WANT WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE'.  In simpler terms, let us embrace our life AS IT IS rather than as YOU WISHED IT TO BE.  Being present means being present to the life that you have RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW and when we embrace it all, that gives us a better chance to enjoy life💎💎💎

Another tip given by psychology SMEs to us is to 'TAKE YOUR TIME'.  As the story of the tortoise and the hare goes. SLOW & STEADY wins the race.  By being in a hurry , we actually seem to thwart our own success.  We even end up getting ahead of ourselves.  And in the end, we are more prone to commit more mistakes than what is normal.  And I'm guilty if this [MANY TIMES in the past] wherein I tend to cut corners then I usually end up paying for it later.  We may learn the easy way but not necessarily the best way.  To quote an old adage: "THE SLOWER YOU GO, THE SOONER YOU GET THERE"✅✅✅

Now for the hard part.  Let us accept the fact that successes and failures are part of life's journey.  We're all learning and NO ONE gets it right every time.  Now, for our achilles heel, that's our tendency to NEGLECT what matters most, and that's our relationships with our loved ones.  BTW, such relationships DON'T happen magically but instead, they grow and get sustained through our attentive and consistent care.  And When That Weight Starts To Wear You Down, our relationships with our loved ones should NEVER be impacted❗❗❗

Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems

Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems

Are we having communications problems almost everywhere many times of our waking hours?  Yes, Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems but this is NOT due to the lack of such communications but instead, this all boils down to the fact that many of us are [apologies to be frank and blunt here] poor listeners, period⏳⏳

Truth is, LISTENING is more than just being physically present when another person is talking.  It goes way beyond that.  Instead, anyone who has deployed a disengaged 'hmmmmm' while one's spouse or partner is asking about dinner.  But LISTENING [and NOT just hearing] means a lot more than that.  And for us to commit ourselves to be an ACTIVE listener augurs well as it opens up the horizons of communications💊💊💊

The rules of thumb of basic LISTENING are fairly simple but it's for us to embrace those basic behaviors that augurs well for healthy communications and a most auspicious way to start is for us to SHUT UP and LISTEN.  And while that may sound simple, it's actually an important FIRST STEP.  Now, let's get into semantics💎💎💎

In case we're mixed up, let's juggle the spelling of L-I-S-T-E-N and we will end up with S-I-L-E-N-T.  A quick disclaimer though.  NOT everyone deserves your time or attention.  The foundation of LISTENING is RESPECT so you DON'T need to put up with folks who disrespect your boundaries.  When someone is done speaking, take a bit of what the person said and add a bit to it.  This is REFLECTIVE LISTENING❗❗❗

WHY is there an unabated uptick of arguments that lead to squabbles then worsening to an argument that goes out of hand to become a full-blown conflicts and for couples, many even end up divorcing?  Easily, 30% of this vicious cycle is caused by the absence of a GOOD LISTENER.  Indeed, Listening Is At The Core of Our Communications Problems ✅✅✅

Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play?

Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play?

French Writer Francois Marie Arouet a.k.a. Voltaire once said: 'EACH PLAYER MUST ACCEPT THE CARDS LIFE DEALS HIM OR HER; BUT ONCE THEY ARE IN HAND, HE OR SHE MUST ALONE DECIDE HOW TO PLAY THE CARDS IN ORDER TO WIN THE GAME'.  In any casino even way out of THE STRIP [in Reno, Las Vegas], once the dealer deals all the cards, the players have to play whatever cards they were given.  In short, they have to play the cards to the best of their ability.  They have to live OR die with the hand that was dealt to them.  They have to do their best with the hand they were given.  Now, Do You Have A Card Or Two To Play❓❓❓

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Life is a lot like a game of cards.  We all are dealt a hand and whether good or bad, we have to play that hand according to the rules of the GAME of LIFE.  In fact, we live or die with the hand that was dealt to us.  We do their best with the hand we were given.  And no matter how UNFAIR we think our hand is, we just can't trade it in⏳⏳⏳

However, as in most card games, every player has a chance to pluck meaning pick new cards can be added to each player's hand.  If you get enough plucks you can even replace your original hand and the only scary thing is you NEVER know which card you will pluck.  In life, we all are given opportunities, BIG time and more small ones.  Sometimes these opportunities hit us like a ton of bricks and we would be dumb if we didn't take them.  But sometimes, things can be a bit more subtle💎💎💎

Regardless, we are all given opportunities in life.  Yet, these opportunities are worthless if we squander them.  If you get an opportunity, please DON'T let it go to waste, take full advantage of it no matter how big OR small.  DON'T let any opportunity pass you by even if it's nothing more than a networking event❗❗❗

You might NOT meet your business partner or that person who's going to take your career to the next level but you MIGHT meet the person who knows someone who can.  Winning in this game of life has little to do with the cards you were dealt and more to do with how you play them.  Just because some of us were born poor doesn't mean we will lost from birth.  It just meant we were dealt a bad hand BUT not all is lost.  Eventually, you get your turn to pluck a card for a chance at another opportunity.  Make sure you HAVE A CARD OR TWO TO PLAY✅✅✅

ALWAYS Ace The Test

ALWAYS Ace The Test

Would you believe, there is a plurality of our population who would loathe or hate any TEST that comes into one's life but do you know that it's NOT that we can choose our battles.  TESTS come into our life as a 'FORCE MAJEURE'.  It comes NOT because it is our choice or preference.  Instead, it comes because it has to come even at our weakest point, at our lowest point in life.  No amount of power and/or influence can even stall or delay things once a TEST is about to hit us.  All we need to do is this:  ALWAYS Ace The Test💊💊💊

No matter our cultural background or our work/vocation, everyday we get confronted with various challenges.  You got a warning from our university professor for a possible marginal academic result, you caused a slip-up at work, you offended your partner or spouse but with no ill intentions, your business partner/supplier reneged on his contract to supply you your raw materials, you hit a financial patch, etc📌📌📌

What do we do?  Not to over-complicate things, we got two options namely, to accept these challenges and face it head on OR you resist or ignore them, hoping and praying that it will just go away and dissipate in thin air.  But let us accept this harsh reality that those challenges are very much closely woven into the fabric of our lives⏳⏳⏳

Now, have we wondered what the purpose of your life is?  Most common answers will be either success, happiness OR satisfaction.  But all these are worthwhile goals, the real purpose of our life is to [REALLY] face each of the challenges every TEST.  In a nutshell, life is a TEST for you to be and become your BEST SELF [and no less than that]✅✅✅

Now, while we cannot choose most of the tests we face in life, we can choose most of our tests in life, we can choose how we're going to face them.  Are we going to have a miserable experience, crumble under pressure, run away or avoid such TESTS in life?  OR are we going to find our inner strength to rise to such challenges and fully actualize our own potential?  Bottom line here is to really ALWAYS ACE THE TEST❗❗❗

Yes, Satisfaction Waxes And Wanes Too

Yes, Satisfaction Waxes And Wanes Too

Yesirrrrrrrrrs, much to our chagrin, even our Satisfaction Waxes And Wanes Too.  BUT you might retort, WHY? Well, while researches have yielded mixed results, those studies still reached a common ground by concluding that relationship satisfaction tends to decrease from age 20 to 40.  Then, from that low point, it typically increases until age 65 then stays relatively stable for approximately another 10 years or so.  When they analyzed relationships by length, the pattern was slightly different.  Couples tend to be less satisfied during the first 10 years but that satisfaction REBOUNDS for the next 20 years before it wanes again📌📌📌

Exactly, the researchers tagged this all as the TRAJECTORY OF LOVE.  Why are we least happy with our relationships as we approach mid-life before the trajectory recovers and rebounds again?  Everyone points to the MID-LIFE crisis as indeed a real phenomenon, with happiness levels dipping around that time and those studies tend to link this even to our romantic life⏳⏳⏳

Indeed, researchers have just reaffirmed that in our middle age, we may be juggling busy work hours while multi-tasking to raise the kids and to add to that, to look after aging parents.  Those findings did suggest that parents to be less satisfied with their relationships compared by partners without kids.  On the same breadth, the SENSE OF POSSIBILITY that comes with being young may get lost with us adults💎💎💎

And as we cross mid-life, life-changing events do happen.  One gets divorced and finds a new, happier relationship. Or we might simply make peace with the partner we have [NOT BECAUSE you're still swoon over heels] because there may be NO infinite options out there.  That's when reality sinks in✅✅✅

What this all tells us is that we got to realize that indeed our satisfaction does have its peaks and valleys BUT here's a big BUT.  We DON'T need to succumb to this trending patterns because it's us who should maneuver and dictate the trajectory of our life.  And regardless if our satisfaction does WAX and WANE, it should not impact our relationships❗❗❗

Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off

Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off

Who says we just need to keep moving but be watchful of the wheels?  Of course we have to BUT just Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off, that's the mantra we need to embrace in life. Unfortunately, many of us [and I'm guilty of it several times in the past] are so captivated by perfection and idealism such that before we take the next step, we would wish that the next step we'll take is an almost zero low risk with the lowest probability of failure entailing the least effort and/or resources.  BUT life wasn't meant to be that way💊💊💊

It's perfectly nice to be ideal but to reach that ideal point may need you to take a donkey years more whereas if you go for what is reasonably acceptable, you can then start grabbing those low hanging fruits.  Heard of someone who wants to enroll in an Ivy League School, stretching his patience to wait and wait till he hurdles all the pre-requisites BUT after many years passed, he's there stuck and stalled ⏳⏳⏳

As this cute poster says, "DON'T WAIT FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT.  TAKE THE MOMENT AND MAKE IT PERFECT".  Exactly, you got to grab the bull by its horns [and NOT the other way around].  By buying and biding your time, you then get that window to go for perfection📌📌📌

You could be the 'odd man out' when no one quits except yourself but if it's the other way around, when everyone else quit and you're the LAST MAN STANDING, then you are perfectly fine, you're on the right track.  In my not so distant past, I had batch mates, we're like in the open track and field, ready for the firing gun.  Regrettably though, a good number of my batch mates felt it was NOT yet their time to go 'ALL OUT' in their relentless pursuit of their goals.  Some did quit even before the race started whilst some did quit a quarter of the way and some just got waylaid halfway through💎💎💎

Lesson here is that NEVER GIVE UP IN LIFE, even if you're battered and bruised, black and blue.  As long as you're ALIVE & KICKING, some of your wheels are still serviceable so the only recourse is to keep going because eventually you will get your second wind.  It's always a win-win for you to Keep Playing Until The Wheel Falls Off✅✅✅

The Bed You Made Is The Bed You Lay In

The Bed You Made Is The Bed You Lay In

Before anything else, allow me to clear up things.  Today's piece is neither about travel or tourism but we just want to draw the parallelism for The Bed You Made Is The Bed You Lay In because that message resonates in our daily lives in multifarious ways and shapes.  This adage just CAN'T be debunked because this is air-tight enough to hold that water regardless if the water gets heavier💊💊💊

Harvest what you planted.  Reap what you started.  There's just NO WAY you will harvest a bounty of fruits if what you planted is grass.  NO WAY can you reap the best fruits if what you planted is NOT any of the FRUITS you dreamed of.  If you're still in the academe, the grades you will get is based on the results of your academic performance⏳⏳⏳

Let's swing over to the workplace.  From the time you first take a plunge into the job market, the trajectory of your career heavily hinges on your performance at work.  Do things lazily, you know what's in store for you.  Do things shabbily, you know the QUALITY SCORE you'll get.  Do things reactively, you will get what you deserve.  Move over to your relationships.  How long and how far your relationship will go on and endure heavily hinges on the way you nurtured it to be healthy enough to withstand the challenges along the way💎💎💎

I can attest to having witnessed young students LOST in the MAZE simply because they did NOT put in the required effort in their academic life.  I have witnessed people with potentials yet never even reaching even halfway through their ceiling.  I also bear witness to relationships that seem rock solid only to flounder down the road.  I have seen budding entrepreneurs with all the business acumen only to end up kaput✅✅✅

Now for that icing of the cake.  Nothing can be best exemplified the way we parents raise our children.  Although there are results that defy the given rule of thumb, by and large, how the children are raised by their parents do carry a very big weight in their next phase in life.  That explains why children whose parents get divorced do often end up as COLLATERAL DAMAGE.  The thing is, THE BED YOU MADE IS THE BED YOU LAY IN❗❗❗

That CLARITY IN LIFE

That CLARITY IN LIFE

Living intentionally requires CLARITY.  When we are clear about what makes us happy, healthy, loving and wonderful, we can be happy, healthy. loving and wonderful as well.  Let's imagine a life with less confusion and doubt.  CLARITY makes everything easier but getting there requires change and commitment especially if we are busy, distracted or overwhelmed.  If ever we want to come up with better decisions, we need to become MORE trusting, be healthier and do more meaningful work.  This is all about That CLARITY IN LIFE💊💊💊

One of the most common advisories I receive is for us to CREATE SPACE because our mind has to process everything that crosses our field of vision.  If within our home or work environment is cluttered and messy, that mess and clutter results in brain fog. we can't work effectively or even live thoughtfully in chaos.  In short, CLEAR THE CLUTTER and CREATE SPACE.  Thereafter, IDENTIFY WHAT MATTERS.  Scribble and write down your PASSION STATEMENTS for work and life.  What may not really matter [like passion statements] are really a MUST.  That CLARITY IN LIFE⏳⏳⏳

Now, here's a very common FAUX PAS.  We tend to multi-task these days.  But hey, DO ONE THING AT A TIME.  When you're writing, WRITE.  When you're doing the dishes, DO the wishes.  You DON'T need that TV, Twitter and eleven other mobile apps all at the same time.  Immerse yourself in the TASK AT HAND.  To reinforce this, ELIMINATE distractions.  You may feel so comfy to the beeps and dings of your smart phone with those alerts and flashing messages but they DISTRACT you, right?  Studies show that it can take fifteen [15] minutes or more to recover from even the slightest distraction.  C'mon, just TURN OFF those notifications and if you CAN'T resist the pull of your device, just TURN IT OFF when you're doing other work. That CLARITY IN LIFE📌📌📌

Now, this could be a hard sell.  Try writing things down to get CLARITY.  You DON'T need to be writer to even scribble and write short pieces.  If you are experiencing great CLARITY, write it down.  If you CAN'T get clear, write that down too.  Sometimes, you will realize that you can WRITE out that distraction and get down to CLARITY.  Thereafter, take a step further. EXPERIMENT.  You just DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW.  If you want CLARITY about the foods that best fuel you, the habits that improve your life, or the work you want to do an EXPERIMENT.  Try learning through experience and experiements.  That CLARITY IN LIFE✅✅✅

Now, for the hard part.  PUT YOUR ASS WHERE YOUR HEART WANTS TO BE.  Sounds emo, right?  But to quote famous American writer Steven Pressfield, '"THAT'S THE TRICK AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO IT".  Getting to That CLARITY IN LIFE may seem daunting but it's NOT❗❗❗