What You See Is What You Get

 What You See Is What You Get

Borrowing this post from Quora by Ghost Girl:  An old lady was standing by the railing of a cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not be blown off by the wind.  A gentleman approached her and said:  'Pardon me Madam, I don't intend to be forward but sis you know your dress is blowing up',  The old lay said: 'I l know that's why I need both my hands to hold on to this hat'.  The man said: 'But Madam, you're not wearing anything under your dress and your privates are exposed'.  The old woman blurted:  'Sir, anything you see down there us 85 eight years old whereas this hat, I just bought this yesterday.  Ouch, indeed  What You See Is What You Get📌📌📌

If at all, this is what is expected from us all.  BE WHAT YOU ARE [and DON'T project something you are NOT].  Express your GENUINE thoughts and feeling [and DON'T spew out anything which you are NOT].  What complicates things in life is when we are NOT that genuine and truthful enough.  And what is the complication?  The person[s] receiving your expression or act will, by default, think that such expression is genuine and truthful enough, so they might react or reciprocate, aligned to your expressions which are UNTRUE

Job interviews offer a good storyline.  Why is it many fail the job interviews?  A common HR feedback is that the interviewee DON'T seem to be genuine and truthful enough.  They would 'WINDOW-DRESS' their CV/Resume until it projects someone coming from the IVY LEAGUE [when he/she is much far away from that projection.  So, nothing beats being genuine and truthful💊💊💊

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does NOT mean the question sincerely.  So, telling them that you are fine [even if you're NOT] is the usual answer.  In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen and WON'T be afraid to be ourselves.  Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens.  Sometimes, even more so than it might have been before📌📌📌

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace and we have to UNLEARN that.  Telling others that you are "FINE" all the time is actually detrimental to your well-being because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic and your TRUEST self.  We may never live a perfect life in a perfect world but wouldn't things be many times better if WHAT WE SEE IS WHAT WE GET [in a genuine way]✅✅✅

What Comes Along With DESPERATION

What Comes Along With DESPERATION

I've come across numerous threads where DESPERATION has been equated with DEPRESSION.  Which means there is a huge disconnect because DEPRESSION is more of a medical illness that affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act.  Whereas DESPERATION per se is NOT DEPRESSION.  So, the question that begs to be enlightened is What Comes Along With DESPERATION📌📌📌

Whereas, DESPERATION is often NOT  a medical illness [although it is unavoidable that those struggling with DEPRESSION tend to manifest DESPERATION.  No worries, we won't tackle DEPRESSION as that is NOT my turf.  Instead, HOPELESSNESS is a manifestation of feeling HOPELESS due to a situation one is grappling with.  Examples would be when you're getting HOPELESS to get out of debt or worse, you're feeling HOPELESS of anything you pursue in life, you've been FAILING and FAILING no end⏳⏳⏳

Indeed, feeling stuck in a state of HOPELESSNESS makes life really tough.  But hold on, there are some things you can do when feeling HOPLELESS, if at lease to make life a little bit better, to alleviate you from the bigger problems you're facing.  HOW?  Play devil's advocate.  Consider your brain might be lying to you.  your brain might be telling you that things are awful and horrible.  And that there's NO way you can succeed💊💊💊

BUT c'mon dude.  Just because you did think about it does NOT mean that that's TRUE at all.  Who knows at that point in time, your thoughts may be distorted, inaccurate or just downright WRONG.  Remember, HOPELESS FEELINGS FUEL HOPELESS THOUGHTS.  And as humans, we are so vulnerable and so easy to get caught up in a NEGATIVE CYCLE that makes it hard to see that things can get better.

So, how can you be your own devil's advocate?  ARGUE THE OPPOSITE.  When you feel HOPELESS, you'll likely think about all the reasons why nothing will ever get better.  Thinking a bit about the 'POTENTIAL POSITIVES' can open you up to more possibilities.  And while there's a chance that things might NOT turn out good enough, keep 'ARGUING' [to yourself] to open your brain up that things are NOT as gloomy as they seem to be.  OVERCOMING DESPERATION is not that steep❗❗❗

Is Your Cupboard Emptying Soon?

 Is Your Cupboard Emptying Soon?

No sirrrrrs, much as we want our cupboard to be full up to the rafters, that would have been a happy problem.  But WHAT IF your cupboard is emptying soon?  Obviously, human nature will tell us that that should NOT be a burning question.  BUT here's the BUT.  If you want to be PROACTIVE and be a STEP AHEAD, being alerted or worse alarmed at that point in time will be the best time for you to chart your NEXT MOVES.  That can never be deemed early enough

Let's go back to our households and take a reality check.  How often are you 'on your toes' enough to alert you to 'TOP UP' the cupboard before it gets emptied?  How many times did you realized that your own 'life cupboard is almost empty' and you had to run out and scamper for a quick fix?  What causes these scenarios?  It is when we are dependent on someone else instead of us taking charge of things📕📗📘

BTW, in our life cupboard, there are various sizes for the cups and mugs.  And we've got to fill it up and 'TOP UP'.  Have you ran out of monies in the past before you became aware that you were almost penniless?  Have you ran out of energy as you felt zapped at work when in fact you have been doing the same work everyday not until you felt you had an EMPTY TANK

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Ever imagined driving with an almost EMPTY TANK?  UNLESS the fuel tank got severely damaged while you were driving, there is just NO excuse for you to drive with an almost EMPTY TANK.  WHY?  Because it is your natura; responsibility [way before you started your journey] to have estimated the capacity of your FUEL TANK and mapped it versus your consumption estimation.  From there, you are able to figure out when you need to 'TOP UP'

Whether it's all about EMPTY BOTTLES or EMPTY TANK, either way is a NO-NO in life.  WHY?  Because when your cupboard gets [almost] emptied, the ramifications are serious enough [and sometimes tragic] because everything grounds to a halt.  Everything gets stalled.  Imagine a car that conked out in the midst of the parched lands across the Arizona deserts?  You've got to call 911.  If you're a pilot, you would radio 'MAYDAY MAYDAY'.  So, is your cupboard emptying soon❗❗❗

Misunderstandings May Just Worsen

Misunderstandings May Lead to 'WAR'

Let me share this short story I came across from Quora.com today:  A married couple was walking through a garden when suddenly a dog ran towards them.  Instantly, the hubby lifter his wife to let the dog bite him instead of his wife.  Then the dog stopped before them , barked a bit then ran away.  The hubby then put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words.  Instead, wifey said:  "I'VE SEEN PEOPLE THROW STONES & STICKS AT DOGS BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I SEE SOMEONE TRYING TO THROW HIS WIFE AT A DOG".  Indeed,  Misunderstandings May Worsen'

Apologies, we DON'T intend to sow discontent or rub salt on open wounds, if any.  Instead, we'd like to highlight that NOT all conflicts and quarrels really started 'BIG TIME' as full-blown ones.  Quite often, it could be either petty, minor or differences in preferences or opinions.  What exacerbates things are words [and expletives] that get spewed out during exchanges that get heated up as it worsens.  Top it off with emotions.  VOILA, that's the best recipe to start a fire that can spread out much faster than the bushfires in the Australian Outback💹💹💹

Gadgets?  Yes gadgets are often complicit in almost all arguments that flare up into full-blown fires.  Why?  Because these gadgets become the very tools and medium where protagonists will spew out all their boiling emotions translated into the harshest words ever.

Nope sirs, boats are NOT complicit. unlike gadgets.  But why are they in the equation?  It's because more often, two warring parties may be looking at the same thing from different perspectives.  It's like he can go HIS WAY and I'll go MY WAY.  And why can two people be unable to come to terms?  Call it hard-core STUBBORNESS that refuses to give up any quarters💚💗💙

What gets lost in the middle of all the friction and disconnects are the mindsets for conciliatory words and actions. positive words that will help cool down sans the 'boiling point' emotions. Dude, be wary when MISUNDERSTANDINGS MAY JUST WORSEN [unless you fix it lightning quick]💎💎💎

FOFO [Fear of Finding Out] - Our Incognito Enemy

FOFO [Fear of Finding Out] - Our Incognito Enemy

Please DON'T get me wrong.  We're not hear to concoct or create imaginary enemies.  BUT truth is, we do have 'enemies' in our life and some of our 'enemies' are very much internal and worst, UNSEEN at that.  And FOFO [Fear of Finding Out], Our Incognito Enemy, is our piece today as FOFO is defined as the "PSYCHOLOGICAL BARRIER THAT STOPS A PERSON FROM LEARNING MORE ABOUT A POTENTIAL PROBLEM BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID OF THEY'LL DISCOVER"💊💊💊

As FOFO became familiar in the medical field, there was an increasing number of patients who needed to be treated due to FOFO.  So, going back into our life, why and when do we experience FOFO?  Real-life examples of FOFO

1. Avoiding honest/deep/frank conversations
2. Shunning critical feedback about yourself
3. Refusing to reassess a critical situation
4. Turning a BLIND EYE on a deteriorating relationship mired with constant quarrels
   
   BTW, only an ostrich is entitled to bury its head because it has to dig shallow holes that will serve as nests for their eggs.  BUT for us?  At the very least, it will be a scare once you exhibit those FOFO manifestations so the immediate question is, what's our antidote to FOFO?  Tap ypur emotional intelligence.  Emotions like FEAR occur almost instinctively so you CAN'T control how you feel when they hit.  BUT you can control HOW you react to those feelings
   
   You might get mixed up. Doesn't the FEAR you're experiencing influence the thoughts you're having?  Indeed yes BUT while you CAN'T prevent a negative thought from entering your mind, you CAN control how long you dwell on it.  So, how do we really deal with FOFO?  First option, you can allow the emotion to control you
5. 
   Second option is you can take control of your thoughts which may likely influence your emotions.  Between those two options, the second options the emotionally intelligent one.  So, if you're dealing with FOFO, never forget that YOU HAVE A CHOICE and DON'T let your FEAR control you, rather, you can take control of your fear by taking control of your thoughts.  No easy way out but it can be done❗❗❗

Come To Grips With What You Have Right Now

Come To Grips With What You Have Right Now

Is this worth our piece for today?  That is, how to Come To Grips With What You Have Right Now.  Before we get bogged down with semantics, let's admit it that we humans have a bit of a problem with reality.  We experience it all the time but struggle to define it, let alone understand it.  Sometimes, it seems solid enough and yet when we examine it much closer, it seems to 'MELT AWAY' like a mirage.  We DON'T know when it began, how big it is, where it came from and where it came from and where it is going and very likely we DON'T have the slightest clue why it exist📌📌📌

Nevertheless, our desire to understand reality seems part of our nature and indeed we have come a long way.  What was once explained in terms of 'divine creation' is now even in the purview of science.  Over the past two centuries [if my number crunching is good enough], we have peeled back to the layers of REALITY even if we are still NOT entirely sure what we have revealed💹💹💹

If anything, that mystery only seemed to have deepened more.  We are now at a point where it is equally credible to claim that REALITY is entirely dependent on subjective experience or entirely independent of it.  REALITY has, in fact, never felt so UNREAL.  Once we delve into the latest ideas about REALITY, from our own everyday experience to the fundamental physics that seeks to describe the true nature of the 'cosmos'.  BTW, those ideas can be so dizzying but there seems no greater challenge than for us to grasp REALITY.

But let's not be lost in the maze of REALITY because it is such a big and bewildering concept.  Which could be an abstract way of saying 'EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS'.  And if we all have a common stumbling block, it is that DENIAL that presents itself as our defense mechanism.  As DENIAL involves ignoring the REALITY of a situation to avoid anxiety, defense mechanisms are strategies that people use to cope with distressing feelings💎💎💎

BUT if indeed you are in DENIAL, it often means that you're struggling to accept something that seems overwhelmingly stressful.  And while in the short-term, that defense mechanism can have a purpose, it will likely allow you to have time to adjust to a sudden change in your REALITY.  By giving yourself time to adjust to a SUDDEN CHANGE in your REALITY, you may be able to COME TO GRIPS WITH WHAT YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW💊💊💊
 

Do You Have A 'HOMERUN ANSWER'?

Do You Have A 'HOMERUN ANSWER'?

Baseball may NOT be the most popular sports outside of the United States but regardless, in life, this is worth asking:  Do You Have A 'HOMERUN ANSWER'?  That 'HOMERUN ANSWER' is NOT equivalent to a magic answer but instead, it should be one's answer to a question one should pose to himself/herself if one sees it to be potentially coming or that the probability for it to materialize gives it a fair chance to happen.

That HOMERUN in LIFE is best apt to be compared when the game is being played in the baseball diamond field.  And although I am no Babe Ruth fanatic, values and culture developed in baseball is worth highlighting.  First of, NEVER develop that habit for EXCUSES.  Similar to baseball NOT being an easy game to play, life itself is NOT easy to play on and live on.  And those EXCUSES should NOT get into the way of learning because mistakes are denied.  Be accountable📌📌📌

That baseball diamond field is not the place for a patsy.  Goals are achieved right within that baseball diamond by combining GRIT & GUTS plus sheer determination no less.  In life [as it is in baseball], be RELENTLESS enough and NEVER YIELD regardless of what the scoreboard up there is.  You WON'T get defeated UNLESS you GIVE UP, UNLESS you go belly up💊💊💊

You might blurt WHY GO FOR A HOMERUN when you even can't nail down even that low hanging fruit?  Simple.  WHEN YOU'RE DOWN, THERE'S NO WAY TO GO BUT UP.  DON'T belittle yourself simply because of your spate of back-to-back failures.  DON'T forget that David did slay Goliath.  And DON'T think that magic is pure fiction.  Remember, the SCIENCE of MAGIC centers primarily around experiential effects.  You may NOT have its sound fundamentals but look back as to WHAT and WHERE are you skilled enough?  You may be a longshot to aim for the most lofty goals but aiming for it is never reserved to a chosen few.  The playing field has been levelled enough by numerous variables in life.

Countless naysayers claim that positive thinking are all hollowed words, all BLAH BLAH BLAH but let's flip things around and start spending our threads and discussions on everything bordering on negativity, cynicism and pessimism.  Where do you think we will end up if NEGATIVITY takes control of us, body and soul❓❓❓

Yes dude, you can be like SuperBOY or SuperMAN.  Dreaming of it may be a longshot but what is there to lose if you start gearing up yourself for such a lofty goal.  If someone asked me what were my chances of becoming a naturalized citizen in Singapore at that time I was plotting things, I'll admit on a scale of 1 to 10, my chances was 5 at best.  But hey, eventually I achieved a HOMERUN❗❗❗

'Slay Your Demons Before You Slay Dragons'

 'Slay Your Demons Before You Slay Dragons'

'Slay Your Demons Before You Slay Dragons', my apologies I have to write this one-liner in quotes because while I can't figure out who said this, surely from the longest time, this has been one of those quotable quotes.  And who says he has NO inner demons?  Everyone has, in fact.  The huge gap does exist because while many of us accept this harsh truth, a similar plurality NEVER acknowledges and accepts that they have such inner demons that do exist in the first place.  And that is NOT just pitiful but worst, it is pathetic because NO one can slay dragons UNLESS he slays his inner demons first💧💧💧

To our dear readers of Chinese descent, please DON'T get me wrong.  I DON'T intend to taint or besmirched the dragon because in the Chinese culture, the dragon does represent good luck, strength, health and the male element of Yang.  But in real life, let's face, when we utter dragons to slay, we're referring to challenges in our life that is so formidable to overcome, hence we hear 'SLAYING THE DRAGON'💜💜💜

But let's start with our 'INNER DEMONS' which from the Harry Potter Series were referred to as 'DEMENTORS'.  They suck the happiness out of you, leaving you with sadness and worst, anxiety.  Instead of letting this dragon control your life, you've got to tame it and keep them in control.  Or else life becomes tough with negativity.  And trust me, you DON'T need negativity in your life💹💹💹

So, how do we move forward?  First off, have that gumption to ACKNOWLEDGE IT.  Refusing or rejecting that it does exist is the FAUX PAS you cannot UNDO.  In fact, let them be.  Listen to them and note what they're trying to tell you.  Then, CONFRONT them because they act as a signal to tell you that your own thoughts and actions are trying to stop you from achieving the achievable.  Being SELF-AWARE is the first step to tackling them💎💎💎

And when your demons are trying to pull you down, you've got to concentrate on your happy memories, everything positive in the past.  That will likely help you to get back into your 'HAPPY ZONE'.  And that will help you realize that you're capable of doing great things in life.  What happens next?  Guess what?  Your inner demons will eventually get tired of tearing you down, tearing you apart.  So, let's start slaying our inner demons💊💊💊

Still Struggling With SELF-DOUBT?

Still Struggling With SELF-DOUBT?

Still Struggling With SELF-DOUBT?  As the song of the late great singer Michael Jackson goes, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  There are many of us in that same boat [including myself in the past].  But that is NOT a LOST CAUSE for us to abandon and given up as there is still that 'light at the end of the tunnel' [and BTW, it is NOT an incoming train].  Challenge is, how do we figure things out to throw away out to the window that SELF-DOUBT📍📍📍

Yes, everyone catches SELF-DOUBT from time to time.  And indeed, it can be a terrifying feeling when you catch it out of nowhere and wonder if you're good enough, smart enough or worthy enough to make positive progress in your life.  SELF-DOUBT cap sap your energy and make you feel as though you have nothing left to offer.  So, what is the way out if we are into this dilemma?  What is the best way to tackle this SELF-DOUBT❓❓❓

Truth is, the most common culprit is our tendency when we let the BAD outweigh the GOOD.  The amount of BAD stuff that you're thinking about is way more than the amount of good stuff that you're thinking about.  That's NOT to say that the BAD stuff doesn't exist because it does.  We all have problems and issues that we have to deal with on a daily basis.  But instead of focusing on the BAD, try to find the GOOD⏳⏳⏳

Find the little little things that you're doing well and that others are noticing.  Focus on those and let the bad stuff go.  And here's the fact. You got to believe in yourself and in your abilities.  Believe in what you can achieve because that belief will help you to overcome SELF-DOUBT and reach your full potential.  If you DON'T believe in yourself and what you have the potential to do, you're more likely to give up when the going gets tough💊💊💊

At the end of the day, despite the myriad of colors we have in life, realistically, life's colors is simply either BLACK or WHITE.  Either HOPE or HOPELESSNESS.  Either SELF-ESTEEM or SELF- DOUBT.  Either POSITIVITY or NEGATIVITY.  There's NOT much choice in life.  And the scary thing here is that if you DON'T do anything, you will lose by default because of SELF-DOUBT📌📌📌

How Much Thread Is Left On Your Tires?

How Much Thread Is Left On Your Tires?

How Much Thread Is Left On Your Tires?  Wear and tear are the realities NOT just of tires but of life itself.  There's NO tall tale we can hear that someone just kept chugging and chugging like a coal-fired locomotive fit to traverse the longest stretch.  Truth is, we got to really TRACK & MONITOR the mileage or kilometrage of our tires.  Yes I DO that all the time.  

That version being peddled around that we DON'T need to worry because the THREAD WON'T CUT, that's no less than fiction.  Through wear and tear, life's threads become thinner and more fragile, leading it to snap at any given time.  So, do we wait for things to snap off?  No sirrrrs.  Nothing beats proactiveness and shortly, I'll share my 'close shave' with such risk⏳⏳⏳

About a year ago, I consulted my surgeon regarding the latest results of my ultrasound which showed that my gall stones did grow.  Without mincing words but serious enough with his messaging, he told me that I don't want to complicate if my gall stones will cause a 'bloody turmoil' across my other organs once it does rupture, whew💊💊💊

The parallelism here between the THREADS of our life vis-a-vis the THREADS of a tire cannot be any much closer than this.  I myself I had my fair share of hiccups and flops in life, all simply because I didn't RETHREAD proactively but eventually I did learn my lessons, except that I learned my lessons the hard way.  And I can't fathom where I would be now if I did NOT embrace reality and eventually RETHREADED📌📌📌

BTW, as you go on with your journey, you will receive a cacophony of advices and counselling.  And we encourage you to keep your ears and eyes wide open to all inputs [especially those UNSOLICITED ADVICES] but never miss out to validate things especially the need to figuring out when to RETHREAD because flat tires are the worst snap offs❗❗❗