It's NOT What You Say. It's HOW You Say It.

It's NOT What You Say. It's HOW You Say It.

Research shows that the average person speaks at least 7,000 words per day, with many more speaking much more than that.  Think about what that means to us, to you.  Those 7,000 words [at least] you speak each day are your very imprint to the world, whew!
But do we know that in real life, practically everyone of us get misunderstood or even misinterpreted arising from our words ?

The mother of all ironies is that 80% of the time, miscommunications & misunderstandings arise NOT because of the WORDS WE SAY but instead it is because HOW WE SAY those words When we disagree with someone's opinion, that is our inherent right but that's NOT the issue.  It is HOW WE SAY it that often triggers all these miscommunications in our interactions.

Some real-life samplings of communications issues:

• Disagreeing with an opinion by ARGUING on it.
• Expressing frustration WRONGLY to someone else.
• Ventilating your anger with MISPLACED emotions.
• Spewing out words that hurt SENSITIVE people.
• FALSELY raising expectations beyond what to do
• Becoming SUBJECTIVE when you can be objective
• Giving feedback in a DESTRUCTIVE manner.
• THUMBING down an idea but with no idea to give
  

And where do words most matter ?  They matter most in relationships.  At home, in school, at work, even in business.  How many relationships that were used to be pictured as those of 'soul mates' only for things to get sour ?  How many relationships we have seen even within families which just evaporated in thin air, all because of communications ?  In business, have we heard of business partners who infused both financial, talent and all the effort and by the time their business was reaping the revenues 'beyond the roof', each of the business partners went their separate ways, all because of communications ?

Yes, this is spot on.  PHRASING MATTERS. And when do frictions arise ?  Wait till after someone reacts.  Then fireworks will start.  Friction gets triggered.  Could all those been avoided ?  ABSOLUTELY !  But we need to exert our darn efforts not just in the words we state but what matters most is the way we DELIVER and EXPRESS those words.  Not a tall order, though.  We can achieve that✅✅✅

That 'FRONT PORCH' Mentality

 That 'FRONT PORCH' Mentality

Nope, this piece is not about grandma at the porch.  Having that 'FRONT PORCH' mentality refers to being 'hands-on' in whatever endeavor we undertake in life. Is this a 'TALKING POINT' these days ?  Yesss definitely it is because I am alarmed at the diminishing 'FRONT PORCH' mentality prevailing around us.

That 'FRONT PORCH' mentality is nothing less than having that 'HANDS-ON' mentality whether it is in school, at work or even in one's business.  Till to date, I bear witness to group projects in school wherein some are fence-seaters, riding on the coat tails of his/her groupmates.  I did also bear witness at work wherein even ground-level personnel DON'T have that 'FRONT PORCH' mentality as I see that being 'HANDS-ON' is really wanting.  Quite a zillion times, I had to deep-dive and highlight at the ground-level the minute details they DON'T detect.

Let's face it.  The corporate world has undergone a dramatic change over the past decade.  Organizations are global and the workforce has become more diverse than ever before.  Not to mention there is a plethora of technological distractions around them.  Indeed, many of us are at a loss how we can positively exploit to the hilt our own capabilities.  While some prefer to have that laidback attitude, studies have shown that 70% of those with that 'FRONT PORCH' mentality succeed whereas for those lacking or wanting in that 'FRONT PORCH' mentality, 70% fail.

Like it or not, Covid-19 has literally changed the world, as this poster goes.  From academe, commerce, trade and even our religious life, everything today is at least 180-degrees different from where it was prior to the pandemic.  What do these drastic changes require from us ?  It is that 'FRONT PORCH' mentality.

Even with social media lording it over our lives, just look around and we'll know there are three kinds of people - those who HATE their work, those who just TOLERATE their work [and see it more as a PAYCHECK and aren't looking for more and finally those who LOVE their work and relish it.  Take your pick.  At the end of the day, you need that 'FRONT PORCH' mentality in life.❗❗❗

Rainbow Comes After the Rain

Rainbow Comes After the Rain

Do we need to debate whethere there's ALWAYS RAINBOW AFTER THE RAIN ?  FACT CHECK:  yes this is true.  But nope, we're no meteorologists so we won't be discussing meteorology but instead, we'd like to do a mapping instead.  Mapping the rain to the challenges we face in life and mapping the rainbow to that hope we cling to, to recover from life's challenges.

So, this comes both as a reassurance and reawakening to us all that despite the gloominess of life when we are going through various challenges in life, let us not despair because that too shall end.  Be wisely cautioned, however, that things WON'T be served to you in a silver platter.  You need to eke it out and figure it out for you to extricate yourself from whatever challenges you may be facing.  I can attest on a first-person account basis that this is the most common mistake.  We always [wrongly] thought that all we need to do is bide your time because after all the travails, eventually, your woes will simply dissipate in thin air.

Oh yes, some of us would compare that rainbow to that light at the end of the tunnel.  And that's half-correct at most because in reality, that light at the end of the tunnel is that of an incoming train that will just fatally smash and crash you.  Lesson here ?  Let us NOT assume that the next rainbow and the next light at the end of the tunnel will fix your woes effortlessly.

Oh, I got captivated by this 'HOPE' poster because it coined things to read as 'HOLD ON, PAIN ENDS' which is spot on.  We gotta hold on, meaning, be persistent and unrelenting because problems do not last forever.  The unanswered question, however, how long will the problems in our life linger around like a leech ?  Hmmmm, only GOD knows.  I can bear witness to some people whose problems remain unresolved for a very long time.

Are we now saying that challenges will remain in our lives ?  Yesireeeee as long as you continue traversing the roads, you will always see a marker out there.  So, how do we handle all our challenges till the RAINBOX COMES AFTER THE RAIN ?  #1 - MAKE A PLAN.  #2 - KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE.  #3 - ASK FOR HELP.  #4 - ACCEPT SUPPORT.  #5 - HELP OTHERS.  #6 - REMAIN POSITIVE-MINDED ❗❗❗

Keeping Afloat

Keeping Afloat 

KEEPING AFLOAT ?  I'll be the last to proclaim this to be easy because this is easier said than done in fact.  Fact is, in our life, its akin to swimming in the wide expanse of the oceans that are shark-infested with you literally nowhere to go except to run for your life, with your survival as the sole goal and nothing more.  Those are situations in our life when suddenly, we would throw away all our greed and ambitions simply for the sole pursuit of surviving and seeing the next day.

How do we then survive if we are in the worst of worst scenarios ?  #1 - PUSH YOUR LIMITS.  Do something that pushes your ability to improve on.  #2 - DON'T GO THROUGH LIFE ALONE.  You may be an introvert but there are situations which you can't handle all by yourself.  Build and surround yourself with a solid support system that really knows you.  If you're single and not committed, it could be friends you trust most.  

#3 - BE OPTIMISTIC.  Most of the time, we tend to have a negative outlook on things especially when it seems too hard to handle.  #4 - HAVE A JOURNAL.  Regardless if you're in a good or bad mood, having a journal allows you to write down your thoughts when you feel uncomfortable talking to people.  #5 - STOP COMPARING - Your life is different from others so you shouldn't feel bad if others are already at the peak of their success [while you're not].  Learn to trust the process and believe in your strength and capabilities that you can achieve whatever goals you have in life.  

#5 - AVOID HAVING A PITY-PARTY - Feeling sorry for yourself will get you nowhere so never drown yourself in self-pity.  Always remember that you're human.  Don't let the negativities get to you, and never ever think that it's the end of the world.  They are there to help you become strong.  

#6 - FEEL THE PAIN - Pain is inevitable, you'll feel it one way or another.  Remember that surely there's another opportunity out there waiting for you. #7 - STAY COMMITTED & FOCUSED - Have a focus and stay away from distractions and things that may hinder you from achieving your goals.  Every time you face a problem, you overcome a mental hurdle.  

#8 - DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF - It should be a constant reminder that you should always be kind to yourself.  The challenges that we face are there to bring out the best and the worst in us. Sometimes you can only depend on yourself and no one else.  #9 - ENJOY SOLITUDE - You might think that the best way to cure your problems is by drowning in alcohol and going all-night partying ??? Listen, booze and parties WON'T solve anything.    And lastly, #10 - DON'T EVER STOP TRYING. Giving up is not an option, dude ❗❗❗

Doors Swing Both Ways

Doors Swing Both Ways

Doors are everywhere.  Pity indeed that doors are one of those facets very frequently ignored by everyone of us.  Probably because we're taking it for granted because it seems it has no other function except to give us the passage to pass through it.  But hey, we got to realize that doors have much more important functions than just that.  Of course, we would pull a fast one and exclaim that doors open up to give us those opportunities, voila !  Yes, that's half of the picture though.  Doors can slam us off, giving us the unceremonious exit from the situation we're in at that moment.  It could be an opener of opportunities as much as a function to deprive us of the opportunities we may be angling for.

What we're angling at, in today's piece, is the value and relevance of DOORS in our life.  Think of the Straits of Hormuz.  DOORS are even comparable to the busy international straits where hundreds of international vessels pass through.  Take away those DOORS and we will be deprived of that channel and conduit where a lot of OPPORTUNITIES and LOST OPPORTUNITIES do pass through.

This poster says it all.  A missed opportunity is deemed as that expensive.  Why ?  That's the indemnity we have to bear with a missed opportunity.  Why ?  Because, to be honest, it is difficult to quantify the cost of a missed opportunity because of the consequences. Imagine a strained relationship and when a door opened up when one of the protagonists attempted to reach out to you ?  Imagine your school professor giving you a chance to make up for a project you failed to submit ?  Imagine an opportunity to expand your business but you missed it out ?

We do empathize with that feeling when we did miss an opportunity.  Dejected. Despondent.  But in real life, it could be more than just that.  Why ?  Because missed opportunities lead to consequences and ramifications.  It triggers a 'domino effect' that topples down the rest of the dominoes.  What's the lesson here ?  Never take those opportunities for granted, especially those that seem effortless because they pass through DOORS sometimes coming unexpected.

And yes, there are just two sides of the coin.  Missing or taking an opportunity.  Missing opportunities of happiness, love, career and success will be hard lessons that come our way.  Too bad, sometimes, when an opportunity comes, we would rather stay safe instead of taking a risk.  Wrongly, we were made to believe to FEAR the FUTURE and to BELIEVE in the PAST.  If you still buy that crap, please throw out that crap out of the window ASAP ❗❗❗

Is Your Train off the Rail ?

Is Your Train off the Rail ?

Oh, is your train OFF THE RAIL ?  Oh no, that's unacceptable because the end result could be fatal.  In life, you can't be OFF THE RAIL.  At any given time, you got to be ON-TRACK.  You could be delayed in your timelines and that's fine as long as you are NOT OFF THE RAIL.  Whys is being OFF THE RAIL so dreaded ? It's because if you are on that path, you are guaranteed and doomed to fail unless miracles will happen, which is pure fiction BTW.

And what's the most common symptom to confirm that we're OFF THE RAIL ?  It is when you're on the WRONG WAY, when you're in a direction that further push you down south whereas you're north-bound.  And what's the most common cause of being on the WRONG WAY ?  It is either a WRONG assumption, a WRONG decision or a WRONG judgment call.  And what then is the solution to fix it ?  You gotta RIGHT the WRONG.

Now, what is the hardest part ?  Yes sirs, it is to RIGHT the WRONG.  I've seen numerous situations of one getting OFF THE RAIL or OFF TRACK but the biggest problem is the person him/herself.  If he/she refuses to admit and recognize that he is OFF THE RAIL, and that he made that WRONG decision, there's just no way he/she will RIGHT the WRONG.  It all starts in the triple A's namely, ADMITTING, ACKNOWEDGING and ACCEPTING that you're OFF THE RAIL.

Yes sireeee, this poster is spot on: 'GOING OFF TRACK IS NEVER A PROBLEM, NOT COMING BACK ON TRACK IS A PROBLEM.  That's indeed our most common and recurring problem.  Getting back on track.  Why ?  Because, first and foremost, you gotta accept the triple A's of ACCEPTING, ACKNOWLEDGING and ADMITTING.  Once you hurdle that biggest hump, things may not be a breeze but yet, it will be much easier because at that point, you have 'unburdened' yourself of that remorse or guilt feeling of having gotten OFF THE RAIL.

For us to end up with an informed and happy decision, first and foremost, you need to be honest to yourself with what you really want.  Secondly, you gotta remain healthy no less.  If your health is less than good enough, that throws a monkey wrench on everything else.  Thirdly, you need to be passionate with whatever you pursue.  What else ?  Do help others.  Trust me, after you have helped others, you will have that unique sense of fulfillment.  What else ?  Make sure your finances are 'in order'.  Any finance issue will spoil everything you planned.  Very lastly, be thankful with the place you are in now.  You may not be at the top yet  but at least, you're not languishing at the doldrums.✅✅✅

Make a Good Run for the Pitch

Make a Good Run for the Pitch

We used to believe that hitting a pitch is all that matters and if you don't hit a home run, you'll be fine because more rounds of pitches will come your way.  No sirs, not true.  Whether  you're into college or professional baseball or softballs, there are only between seven to nine innings.  And that's exactly in life as well.  Those opportunities will never be UNLI.  And when you keep missing a homerun, before you know it, pressure is building up too much till you succumb from it, because of it.  If there is a common culprit in all our misses in life, it is pressure that pushes us to eventually breakdown and succumb to it.

That baseball diamond is the best analogy to our life.  And I always compared the three bases we need to cover before hitting our homerun to our phases in life, namely, schooling, working and family phases.  So, it's safe to conclude that life's phases can't be compartmentalized.  They are not akin to the missile silos which are to each its own.  You fail in your schooling, it could shape your remaining phases, and so with your work and family life phases.

We all have those visions in life to succeed and etch our own mark but that's a long road to take and it takes a journey of a lifetime no less.  And the biggest challenge is to piece together the various phases of our life because they are all intertwined.

Oh I plucked out this poster from somewhere to accentuate that life is more akin to baseball than to a 42-kilometer marathon.  Unlike in a marathon wherein you can have pit stops every step of the way, baseball offers you three bases to cover before you go for a homerun.  Going back to our lives, if you fail in your schooling, then you fail in your family relationship and you further fail at work, you're out, it's GAME OVER

So, what's our LIFE 101 ?  It's pretty simple.  Succeed in your schooling.  Succeed at work and succeed in your family relationships and you'll be good to go for a homerun, barring a freak thing that will cause you to hit a snag.  So, what's our lesson ?   MAKE A GOOD RUN FOR THE PITCH and that can guarantee you to have a cinderella finish as long as you don't end up with a fumbling act every step of the way.  LET'S GO FOR A HOMERUN, folks❗❗❗

Do We Need to Work HARD or SMART ?

 Do We Need to Work HARD or SMART ?

What a $64 question is this.  Do we need to WORK HARD or SMART ?  Good relief, there is no wrong answer regardless if you choose HARD or SMART because either path you take, you're not on the wrong path but the thing here is that we DON'T want to be satisfied if we just end up working HARD or SMART because each of these barometers will measure our success separately.  Working HARD doesn't mean we're working SMART enough or vice-versa.

To share my career experiences, I have worked with folks who really worked damn HARD and I've worked with folks who really worked SMART.  And neither of them failed in their job roles but what did matter is the destination or the heights both of those workers did end up.  Both results did end up positively but with mixed results though.  That HARD WORKING operations staff was secure enough in his job until he retired whereas the SMART guy [who happens to be my classmate in grade school] rose up to become the CEO of the biggest telecomm company in a Southeast Asian country.

So, let us NOT be confused and to cut the crap, we need to work HARD as much as we need to be SMART.  This is NOT an 'EITHER OR' thing because this is an 'AND' equation.  Through the years, I had to do the balancing act of working HARD and SMART. Simply put, working HARD is simply doing the needful whereas working SMART means you gotta figure it out how can you go from Point A to Point B at a much lesser time and obviously at a much shorter turnaround time.  That is when things can get tricky because there is no laid out formula you can follow like a RUN BOOK.  This is when our capability to become agile and nimble to quickly adapt leads us to either MAKE or FAIL.

When you're just starting, where in school, at work or even in business, that's how high the cards are stacked against you. Indeed, the mountain slopes are that steep for you to climb.  And this is when working HARD is a no-brainer and non-negotiable.  Until you have climbed 'Mount Rushmore', there's NO OTHER WAY for you/for us but to work damn HARD.  Obviously, in working HARD, you can be that SMART.  Example, going from Point A to Point B, if you seem zigzagging, alway remember that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line and no less shorter than that.❗❗❗

Tomorrow Should Be Better Than Yesterday

Tomorrow Should Be Better Than Yesterday

So sorry, I'm not riding on the bandwagon of the highly popular Korean movies but do allow me to borrow this Korean one-liner stating 'TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER THAN YESTERDAY'.  Sounds a run-of-the-mill but it's not folks.  It's too bad that many of us [even myself in the past], I always [wrongly] thought that for TOMORROW, I got nothing much to prepare because TODAY is good enough, so it won't be wrong to expect that TODAY and TOMORROW is a no-brainer comparison.

Does this sound familiar ?  You wake up, get out of bed, prepare your coffee, hop on to work, boot up your laptop, then, nothing... It's impossible to get in the zone.  Getting past the first few emails is a drag and you're just nor making progress.  it feels like you're not in control of your day.  You don't have the motivation to get stuff done, so you end up in the social media.  Been there, done that.  Hmmm, it's so easy to blame your environment, other people or 100 other reasons why you're not motivated to work.  But generally, it's you.  You need to really WANT THINGS TO GET BETTER.  Because if you skip your work today[or do a terrible job because you feel lousy], it is likely that your tomorrow will probably suck too.  The day after ? That will suck too.  Until you don't remember how this all started.  BREAK THAT CYCLE!

Angling for any tips to BREAK THAT CYCLE ?  So sorry, can't offer any tips other than you need to push yourself to WORK HARDER.  You need to want tomorrow to be better so badly that you can deal with pushing through the monotony today. The thing is, hard work is a NECESSITY, not a choice.  If we look at extraordinary people, they didn't become they were that talented and extraordinary.  Classic example is Tiger Woods.  Before he became what it is today, he was learning the ropes and hitting the balls at 3AM ?  And when it was raining, the more he practiced when it was raining !

The same story goes for extraordinary people like Lionel Messi [that famous Argentine footballer], NBA Great Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, amongst others.  In one of Lionel Messi's commercials, he said:  'I START EARLY AND I STAY LATE, DAY AFTER DAY, YEAR AFTER YEAR, IT TOOK ME 17 YEARS AND 114 DAYS TO BECOME AN OVERNIGHT SUCCESS'. in brief, 'OVERNIGHT SUCCESS' should not be read literally because your timeline hinges on how lofty and ambitious your goals are.

C'mon folks, you don't need to plot grandiose plans.  It could be bread crumbs on face value, like if in the past you always woke up way past 7am, starting tomorrow, can you try waking up 15 minutes earlier ?  At work, you have been used to submitting your reports just in time for the deadline, starting next deadline, can you aim to submit a day earlier ?  If arguments with your partner are happening daily, can you aim for the next day to be argument-free ❓❓❓

Don't ZIG If You Need to ZAG

Don't ZIG If You Need to ZAG

We all got it wrong [and that includes myself] because all along, we thought that that all we need to do is to go through the motions when traversing ZIGZAG roads in our life.  Apparently, to ZIG is one direction and to ZAG is another direction.  They're NOT one and the same.  So that explains why at times, we seem to be either adrift, disoriented or worst, seemingly lost.  Which means to go the ZIG way is one direction that's different from that ZAG way.  What we need to tackle is how can we figure out that we're on the right path, whether we are on to that ZIG or ZAG direction.

The riddle in life we constantly face is that there is a very fine line that separates one direction [which could be ZIG] and another direction [which could be ZAG].  Unfortunately there are no X's and O's to tell us whether we are on the right or wrong path.  Luckily, there are subtle and tell tale signs that will lend credence that we seem to be on the wrong life path.  Go back to your ACCOMPLISHMENTS till to date.  Ask yourself, what's the level of your SENSE of ACCOMPLISHMENT ?  Does it look barely good to you ?  Or are both your feet still off the ground [till now] because you continue to savor the fruits [and feelings] of your accomplishments ?  We can pair together two people whose accomplishments are also toe-and-toe but what will set them apart is the level of their SENSE of ACCOMPLISHMENT.

When one is so accomplished but he still does not have that SENSE of ACCOMPLISHMENT, it may mean you are on the wrong path in life.  You could be ZIGging when you should be ZAGging.  Don't look too far.  Look at yourself, face the mirror.  Where there some points in your life when you seem to be in that quandary ?  I have to admit that once in my life, i was in that plight and that 'woke me up' to find the ZAG way instead of the ZIG way.

FATIGUED ?  That's pretty normal we all do get fatigued after a day's work but if constantly you're feeling this way to the extent that you seem zapped and drained, relook at things.  Maybe as much as you put your head into something but if your heart is not into it, maybe you're on the wrong path.  OR when you seem to question anything and everything.  OR when you don't feel inspired ?  OR if frequently you feel kinda LOST ?

At the end of the day, please note that like it or not, we all LIVE IN THE FAST LANE.  There is a very limited elbow room for us to wiggle, if at all.  If you have been off-track and off-grid far longer and beyond the threshold, you might be sliding into a deeper trench difficult for you to extricate. Bottomline, DON'T ZIG IF YOU NEED TO ZAG.✅✅✅