Does It Really Take Two To Tango?

Does It Really Take Two To Tango?

Does It Really Take Two To Tango? My honest answer is YES and NO.  I was in a conversation the other day and the topic was focused on a friend WHO was talking about his supportive spouse and that exchange started with the comment 'THEY HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP',  to which I blurted out [by default though]:  'IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, RIGHT?'  This then egged me to have this as our thread for today💵💴💷

As an after-thought, I pondered over my response that day and wondered [and challenged myself], is that really what I believe it was?  Does it really TAKE TWO to make or break a relationship?  How do we define a great connection that exists between two people?  Could it be that we've adopted a common myth as fact?  Indeed, I realized of late that this topic is worth discussing [if NOT debating] because I admit having this realizations, albeit too late in the day [BUT LATE IS BETTER THAN NEVER, right?]📗📙📘

In all our lives, whether they are yours or the lives of your relatives, friends and strangers, from time to time, there may be RED FLAGS [or at least potential ones] in relationships.  All it takes is for one partner to make a unilateral decision to destroy a relationship.  All it takes is one selfish person [unfortunately] to ruin a relationship and everything gets ruined💧💧💧

Problem is, we all have our own EGOs and sometimes, EGO gets in the way, especially during disagreements.  I'm NOT saying though that only one party is accountable and the other can get away scot-free BUT contrary to popular belief, it is merely a COLLABORATIVE effort.  In fact, personality traits affect how we emotionally connect to others.  A person WHO lacks integrity and empathy will make DECISIONS based on HOW it will make them look rather than HOW it will benefit others.  HARSH TRUTH❕❕❕

Our takeaway?  Let's face it, personality traits affect how we emotionally connect to others.  A person WHO lacks integrity and empathy will make DECISIONS based on how it will be favorable to them.  And they are incapable of validating other people's feelings and so, it becomes difficult for them to hold themselves to the commitment of sustaining a healthy relationship.  Let's agree though that we CAN'T change the personality of our partner/spouse's personality traits because personality flaws are UNCHANGEABLE from the outside.  We DON'T have control over the events that have come to shape WHO he or she is right now.  So, DOES IT REALLY TAKE TWO TO TANGO.  The answer is a YES and a loud NO  as well❗❗❗

That Power of Expectation

That Power of Expectation

Have you ever observed that for some people, it seems their stars are always aligned?  WHEN they NEVER seem to run out of luck?  THAT student WHO would always ace a test?  THAT budding entrepreneur WHOSE half-baked business ideas always seem to take off?  THAT social animal who's frequently within the inner circle of people WHO are way out of his league?  This is WHY we need to dissect That Power of Expectation💵💴💷

Meanwhile, here you are, working your butt off just to end up with a C rating in mathematics?  So WHAT gives, really?  Well, studies tell us that it turns out there's a scientific explanation for WHY some people skate through life with ease while the rest of us continue to struggle.  It really all comes down to something called PYGMALION EFFECT, defined as psychological phenomenon in which HIGH EXPECTATIONS lead to improved performance in a given area and LOW EXPECTATIONS lead to worse📗📙📘

So, if someone expects you to do well, you are more likely to do well.  WHEREAS if someone expects you to fail, you will likely fail.  So, this PYGMALION EFFECT has become a solid proof that EXPECTATIONS can change everything.  If someone believes in you and expects great things from you, you'll likely aim higher.  And if they expect you to crash and burn, there's that high probability that you would flop, unfortunately💧💧💧

So where's the beef here?  It is how being aware of EXPECTATIONS can help us feel more content and resilient.  Having EXPECTATIONS  about how things will go is a natural human instinct.  We are wired to want to know WHAT's coming.  Expecting ourselves NOT to have EXPECTATIONS  is a contradiction in terms and this can evolve into a potentially harmful form of denial.  Like emotions, EXPECTATIONS are a normal part of life.  WHEN you are aware of your EXPECTATIONS with kindness and curiosity, you can use it to your advantage✅✅✅

Our takeaway?  We DON'T need to look far back.  Just look at the recent pandemic.  It crushed ALL our expectations.  Many things we took for granted were suddenly OFF THE TABLE.  We really need to align ourselves with EXPECTATIONS as long as they are realistic.  Not a long shot, dude, that POWER of EXPECTATIONS❗❗❗

Is Suffering Optional?

Is Suffering Optional?

Is Suffering Optional?  Sirrrrrrs, my answer is a loud 'NO' because this is a GIVEN for us all.  BUT you might wonder WHY am I posing this as our thread today?  It is because some misguided souls could still be heard questioning [AS IN] really why do they need to go through the agonies of SUFFERINGS in life.  C'mon dude.  Sufferings, painful events, and even bad things do happen to us in life💵💴💷

Indeed, this is something we all go through life.  We are going to SUFFER, that's just inevitable [BUT please DON'T get me wrong, this is NOT to scare you].  It's just part of our human condition and it's just part of being alive.  Sometimes bad things happen to us, and we end up SUFFERING.  Even now, some of us may be in the hospital because of an illness.  Others may be heartbroken because of the end of a relationship.  OR we may be suffering severe depression because we HAVEN'T been able to find work for several years.  📗📙📘

We all have our own stories about SUFFERINGS and we all have SUFFERED.  So, HOW can we deal with SUFFERINGS?  Sadly, the most tempting and easiest option is to state that we can SUPPRESS them [oh really?].  And that's one key reason there is so much SUFFERING in the world because when we SUPPRESS our SUFFERING, it does NOT go away.  Instead, it just gets put aside for a little bit and then we need to SUPPRESS it more and more💧💧💧

Our common scenarios run true across countries and cultures.  WHEN we SUFFER, we often turn to substances OR sometimes to other people.  In other words, we turn to things outside of ourselves to try to TURN OFF the SUFFERING.  Problem is, we never learn our lessons hard enough.  We always seem to run to the SUPPRESS-ALL-FEELINGs option all the time.  SUFFERING occurs.  Instead of teeling, we tend to numb it,  BUT that DOESN'T work for very long so we have to keep numbing it❌❌❌

Unfortunately, there are infinite number of ways [a.k.a. ADDICTIONS] that we can turn to so we WON'T feel our feelings, from food to prescription medications, to relationships, to keeping super busy, and list goes on and on.  So, WHAT's our takeaway?  WHEN dealing with SUFFERING, we can feel the pain and it is challenging to us.  Taking as an example when our loved one dies, we do SUFFER as we feel the loss, and it is both sad and tragic, together with all the tears.  And sometimes even anger flows in as part of that loss.  However, WHAT happens is that FEELING or OWNING the pain helps us get better.  Our SUFFERING heals and then we move on.  So, is SUFFERING OPTIONAL?  NOT AT ALL, dude.  Everyone of us will go through that gauntlet but we can survive it albeit bruised and maybe, sometimes scathed❗❗❗

is HAPPINESS Elusive?

is HAPPINESS Elusive?

is HAPPINESS Elusive?  For some of us, I DON'T think so that this question is holding any bagful of water at all BUT for the many others out there, I can attest [as a first-hand account and attestation] that I've seen and faced people UP CLOSE who, despite having with them ALL that he/she needs in life, remains UNHAPPY [till now].  Some would even blurt out that he/she would prefer to be run-over by a vehicle, all because that person remains UNHAPPY [even as we speak]. How do I react to this?   I commiserate and I sympathize that person's chronic dilemma BUT who else can help him/her???

REALLY, a big part of the problem regarding HAPPINESS being elusive is the fact that HAPPINESS is NOT [as in NOT] just one thing.  And WHAT exacerbates this problem is the fact that some types of problems may even run conflict with one another.  In other words, having too much of one type of HAPPINESS may undermine our ability to have enough of other types of HAPPINESS.  In other words, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE for us to simultaneously have all types of HAPPINESS in various quantities.  A real life example that a satisfying LIFE built on a SUCCESSFUL career and a good marriage is something that unfolds over a longer period of time.  And it takes a lot of work, and often requires avoiding pleasures [like partying]❎❎❎

Frankly, that example also means you CAN'T while away way too long and too much of your time spending one pleasant lazy day after another in the company of good friends.  Which means, keeping your nose to the grindstone demands that you cut back on many of life's PLEASURES.  Relaxing days and even friendships may fall by by wayside💎💎💎

In the shortest words possible, as HAPPINESS in one area of life increases, it will OFTEN decline in another type of HAPPINESS.  To complicate things, we tend to delude ourselves about our PAST and even our FUTURE.  And this dilemma is further confounded by the way our brains process the experiences of HAPPINESS.  Let's have another real-life phrases we hear around like "WON'T IT BE GREAT WHEN I GO TO COLLEGE, FALL IN LOVE, HAVE KIDS, etc] and similarly we often hear old people express like "WASN'T IT GREAT THEN WHEN I WAS WORKING".  Now, the question is, how often do we hear "ISN'T THIS GREAT, RIGHT NOW"❓❓❓  

Our takeaway?  Surely our PAST and FUTURE aren't always better than the PRESENT .  And yet, we continue to think that this is the case.  Frankly, these are the BRICKS THAT WALL OFF harsh reality from the part of our mind that thinks about PAST and FUTURE HAPPINESS.  So, WHY can't we be adaptive to be HAPPY all of the time while constantly being mindful about the fleeting nature of HAPPINESS.  To be forewarned is to be forearmed❗❗❗

Enough Of Hypotheticals

Enough Of The Hypotheticals

Enough Of The Hypotheticals.  Isn't it quite confusing [and mind-boggllng] to think that a single habit, lasting only a few seconds, can have such a significant impact on your SUCCESS.  Studies show that everyday we have tens of thousands of thoughts and that reaffirms how our brain is an incredible machine.  BUT if there is one thing almost all of us [and that includes moi] are hesitant to talk about is HESITATION itself.  It is a common issue to almost all of us.  One HESITATING out of fear and one is avoiding the fact itself💵💴💷

While HESITATION is defined in Wikipedia as 'the period of inactivity during which the struggle amongst the nascent activities of different mechanisms is proceeding', studies also show that there is a science behind PROCRASTINATION.  And if we think that this INTERNET AGE brought about this PROCRASTINATION thing, we're wrong because history tells us people had HABITUAL HESITATION way back ancient civilizations📗📙📘

Studies also showed that the past twenty years, the peculiar behavior of PROCRASTINATION has received a burst of empirical interest.  Even psychology researchers now recognize that there's far more to it than simply putting something off until tomorrow.  True PROCRASTINATION is a complicated failure of 'self-regulation' [this is the jargon coined by psychologists].  These experts define it as that VOLUNTARY DELAY  of some important task that we intend to do, despite knowing that we'll suffer as a result of it💧💧💧

As this poster screams loud and clear to ACT means ACTION CHANGES THINGS.  Well said.  The thing is, a major misperception about PROCRASTINATION is that it's an innocuous habit of worst, and maybe even a helpful one at best.  Supporters of PROCRASTINATION often say it DOESN'T matter when a task gets done, so long as it is eventually finished.  Some even believe they work best under pressure, whew❎❎❎

Our takeaway?  There is a GAP between INTENTION and ACTION.  There's NO single type of PROCRASTINATOR, in fact, BUT several general impressions have emerged.  And experts claim that chronic PROCRASTINATORS have PERPETUAL PROBLEMS finishing tasks, while situational ones delay based on the task itself.  Besides that GAP between INTENTION and ACTION, there is that GAP between FEARING and AVOIDING.  Either way, ENOUGH OF HYPOTHETICALS😌😌😌

Can We Overcome INDECISIVENESS?

Can We Overcome INDECISIVENESS?

Can We Overcome INDECISIVENESS?  Does figuring out WHAT outfit to wear in your early morning run put you into a tailspin?  Do you become PARALYZED when trying to decide whether OR not to take that new career opportunity dangled to you by the headhunter?  Frankly, struggling with INDECISION is like being stuck in the mud.   That is just NO FUN at all.  To quote anonymously this one-liner:  'THERE IS NO MORE MISERABLE HUMAN BEING THAN ONE IN WHOM NOTHING IS HABITUAL BUT INDECISION'💵💷💷

I totally agree, making DECISIONS might be at times quite difficult.  And of course, there are outliers WHEN we would grapple with decision-making BUT like any skill, we can get better at it with constant practice.   So, the bigger question is, WHY IS MAKING DECISIONs so HARD?  In most narratives, that FEAR of making a wrong DECISION is one of the most common reasons that many people hesitate when faced with a choice📗📙📘

Sometimes, one is afraid of FAILURE or even the consequences of SUCCESS [ironically].  You may worry WHAT other people will think about you.  Perfectionism might be, unfortunately, getting in your way.  And who knows, you might be out of practice, especially if you HAVEN'T made many big DECISIONS in your life.  BUT do note that INDECISION has an upside because hesitation gives you valuable time to think about the situation, giving us the chance to gather more information and weigh the facts💧💧💧

And if you CAN'T make a quick DECISION, it may be possibly a sign that the choice really matters to you.  And if you're second guessing yourself, it might be a warning that you're about to make the wrong DECISION.  The important thing here is NOT to let INDECISION keep you stuck forever.  BUT let us be wary of the downsides of INDECISION before we get squeezed by it❎❎❎

What's our takeaway?  INDECISION becomes a 'bad thing' when it lasts TOO LONG.  You might ask me, HOW LONG IS TOO LONG?  That really depends on the circumstances.  Will you be missing an important opportunity if you wait and hold in abeyance your DECISION?  Will the DECISION become even harder to make if the more you will dwell on it?  By itself, INDECISION can sometimes become a DECISION by default BUT that's NOT the way we want our life DECISIONS to progress, right?  Frankly, we need to OVERCOME INDECISIVENESS❗❗❗

Those Toxic Habits

Those Toxic Habits

I once heard that our GOOD HABITS do far outweigh our BAD HABITS.  And I'm totally aligned with that [NOT because of vested interests but by and large, I believe that man, by nature is that version with more GOOD HABITS than BAD HABITS.  BUT here's the catch though.  Many of us AREN'T even aware of our very BAD HABITS.  And I am one of those once guilty in the past.  BUT it certainly makes sense, our HABITS seem to be automatic, we DON'T seem to think before we act.  BUT once we are aware of Those Toxic Habits, shouldn't we do something about it, dude❓❓❓

And according to studies, on average, 40% of our daily actions are automatic, those actions where even our brain hardly functions anymore.  And this serves us in many ways though.  Imagine if we had to remind ourselves to breath.  OR re-learn how to drive everyday.  OR erase our memory and identify the roads and route we need to drive going to work.  On the other hand, we have enough HABITS which can be tagged as toxic enough.  Heard of someone's life wherein he/she is letting his/her PAST dictate his/her PRESENT and even the FUTURE?  Imagine an elephant chained to a small stick, it is conditioned to believe that it CAN'T escape at all, many of us are like that elephant, WHEN we end up as the prisoners of our PAST.  HOW often do let your PAST influence WHAT you do now?  Having a BAD PAST relationship and letting it influence your PRESENT and FUTURE ones is a choice you make, however unaware you are💧💧💧

Just because your EX cheated on you, it DOESN'T mean your next partner will end up similar to your PAST.  So, instead, create a new beginning, decide HOW you want to feel about something going forward, DON'T let one memory taint your FOREVER and be open to creating new ones for yourself.  Another common misstep we commit is EXPECTING THE WORST to happen.  It's fine to be cautious and cynical BUT NOT at the expense of becoming a pessimist📌📌📌

So, assess yourself, how often do you think about the things you DON'T want to happen?  Like HOW you DON'T want to be late due to the traffic gridlock, OR how you hope it WON'T be another painfully stressful day at the office?  It seems to be an all too common default way of thinking, BUT it clearly DOESN'T do any good at all.  WHAT you focus on expands, so start to think about WHAT you want to happen instead.  Simply put, focus your thoughts on the GOOD THINGS that can happen and make a conscious effort NOT to worry so much.  You will feel so much better because both your body and mind will NOT only be less stressed, BUT actually expectedly happy too✅✅✅

Now, for the SENSITIVE part.  How often do we TALK ABOUT MUTUAL FRIENDS WHEN THEY AREN'T AROUND?  If you are honest with yourself, you will admit to speaking about others WHEN they AREN'T around, however harmless.  You know WHEN you are CROSSING THE LINE and WHEN you do, you should know you SHOULDN'T be.  Doing this gives the impression that you CAN'T be trusted.  Those TOXIC HABITs, let us dump it off, throw it away and abhor it dude❗❗❗

Can Life Be Easier?

Can Life Be Easier?

Can Life Be Easier?  Oh Oh, life throws us curveballs. That is a given.  BUT what if I told you that there were simple, everyday actions you could initiate to reclaim control, even boost your well-being, and conquer the toughest challenge you will face?  WHILE it is true that LIFE is NEVER EASY, to live life does NOT push you against the wall.  LIFE just can't be that EASY like being served on a silver platter.  WHILE there are NO magic spells, experts have covered enough ground to share with us tips and tricks to make LIFE EASIER💴💷💵

True, sometimes, LIFE can be stressful.  And for some of us, LIFE can be that stressful quite often.  Sometimes, it feels like there are one too many tasks piling up, and we seem to be running out of time to get everything done. And if you're looking for a way [OUT] to make your LIFE EASIER, you DON'T have to go that far.  Experts have studied this dilemma a zillion times and surprisingly, topping the list of almost all studies is that we should START OUR DAY OFF RIGHT.  How you start your day can be a huge predictor of HOW your day will go.  Everyone has diverse ways of starting their day, as well as separate ways they want to start their day.  And IF you want to start your day off right, couple of things you got to do📗📙📘

Planning out your day will help you manage your time better.  Another thing that you can do is to clear your head  before you start your day.  Some even resort to meditation because that ritual helps clear things up.  WHAT else?  SET YOUR PRIORITIES.  To make your life easier, you need to make sure that you have your PRIORITIES straightened out.  The first step is to list all your tasks and priorities.  This is quite a challenging task to do BUT it is necessary to make your life easier.  Next step is to PRIORITIZE your tasks💧💧💧

NEXT, consider having a DEDICATED SPACE whether at home OR at your workplace.  This is often ignored and NOT given value BUT it is really imperative to have a place WHERE you can focus and avoid distraction.  That is your sanctuary.  NEXT, set manageable goals.  Too often, individuals set themselves up for failure by setting goals that are too broad, too high way up the highest pedestals.  As a result, those goals are never met, and that's often❌❌❌

WHAT else?  Make a TO-DO List.  If you find that you are always swamped with tasks and get NOTHING done, make a TO-DO List.  If you are feeling overwhelmed and you're NOT sure WHAT to do first, use your TO-DO List to plan.  WHAT else?  You must have SCHEDULED BREAKS.  WHEN it comes to schedules, BREAKS are necessary.  They help you to keep your head straight and focus on the important things.  So, CAN LIFE BE EASIER?  Absolutely BUT everything is on your hands to make LIFE EASIER❗❗❗

I Totally Agree, TIMING IS EVERYTHING

I Totally Agree, TIMING IS EVERYTHING

I hope we got one less thread to debate here because I Totally Agree, TIMING IS EVERYTHING.  So, WHY aren't things working out right? It seems like everything that one would do ends up in utter FAILURE.  Why is that happening [SOMETIMES] to us, like, NOTHING goes true to form, everything just goes awry?  On the other hand, there are times in our life when we are in a STREAK, like all the stars in the galaxy are aligned, like NOTHING can just go wrong, NOT under any circumstances📗📙📘

Even in the workplace, you would hear similar narratives, like when an employee offers an idea, the voice may not be always appreciated or valued by their superiors [BUT please allow me to qualify that in my current organization, the employee's VOICE is always heard].  Sadly in other organizations, the unsolicited words or input from an employee seem to fall on deaf ears, and worse, some of the recipients of the ideas would consider such inputs as disruptive OR just a waste of time [which is an off-track reaction]💎💎💎

Indeed, there are many times in our adventures WHEN things just seem to be off and DON'T go according to plan.  We then get frustrated and tend to blame anyone OR everyone and/OR everything for our setbacks.  Maybe we should look at things from a different perspective WHEN some life-changing events DON'T seem to work out.  Could it possibly be the timing that we have chosen to pursue this?  Like starting a business.  Some businesses succeed and some fail❎❎❎

And there are many reasons a business may fail.  There may NOT be enough finances to fund the business.  Instead of waiting until one is financially prepared, we would prematurely launch a business.  Now, it is a given that if you DON'T have the financial readiness to support a business, just DON'T go and plunge into it.  So, what's our keyword here to reaffirm the TIMELINESS of taking action?  It is READINESS, the long and short of it.  UNLESS one is READY enough to 'plunge' into a specific action or initiative, the likelihood is there will be a potential shortfall, that, regardless of one's determination, it all boils down to one's READINESS💧💧💧

Many years ago WHEN I took that leap of faith and take all the risks in exploring my chances to work and live in Singapore, I firmly believed at that time that I was READY mentally, READY financially [in case I remain jobless for a realistic period of time] and I was READY enough from a skills and capability perspective, i.e.  I was confident enough that I am qualified and competent to apply for the jobs I'll be seeking.  So, I totally agree, TIMING IS EVERYTHING✅✅✅

Sweat The Small Stuff

Sweat The Small Stuff

Sometimes we hear NOT to Sweat The Small Stuff.  BUT dude, that's old school.  Being in dapper suit, getting to work in a sleek manner, signing off documents right on your swivel chair, then chairing the CxO-level meeting, receiving executive summary reports then shooting out directives arising from that high-level executive summary.  Those were the days.  Being nostalgic, that was the environment when, straight from university, my first job was with oil giant SHELL, with Dutch/British executives in our local team📗📙📘

These days, you need to get UNDER THE HOOD, do a 'TRACE ROUTE', get down to the minute details instead of looking at things from a helicopter view.  And this does NOT matter only in the workplace BUT this is now the default best practice in everyday life.  YET, many of us are still feeling comfy enough to be lording it over from a MACRO-level.  Like, when you'll blurt, 'IS EVERYTHING GOOD?' whereas the pinpoint question should be 'IS THE CAR IN TOP CONDITION FOR OUR LONG DRIVE'❓❓❓

Little things mean a lot, especially WHEN you are DETAIL-ORIENTED.  Consider situations WHERE being DETAIL-ORIENTED isn't just important BUT critical.  If you're planning  an event, even at home, arranging all the logistics could be a herculean responsibility.  And if we translate this to a typical workplace, whether you are a medical personnel in an operating room OR a construction foreman in a project site, minor misses can lead up to problems❎❎❎

Even more significant is the fact that DETAIL-ORIENTED people have, by and large, good and proven problem-solving skills and they tend to lean on taking ownership even of complex tasks and processes.  Do these words describe your approach at work OR in your business?  OR even in your everyday life?  If so, then, likely you are a DETAIL-ORIENTED person and that becomes your edge in life❗❗❗

So, what makes one as DETAIL-ORIENTED?

• Being OBSERVANT
• Do a Self-QA of your own work
• Be RESOURCEFUL, instead of giving up
• Being ACCURATE enough, down to a 'T'
• You're comfortable TROUBLE-SHOOTING
• You DON'T have that detestable appetite to waste time

Dude, let's SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF✅✅✅