Why All The FRUSTRATIONS?

Why All The FRUSTRATIONS?

Yes Yes yow, Why All The FRUSTRATIONS?  If each of us will 'inventorize' all our FRUSTRATIONS in life, I'm sure even if you burn the 'midnight oil', you'll NOT be done yet.  I could volunteer BUT I'm afraid I need to pull out tons of sheets to list it down.  BUT hey, HOW often have we heard 'THERE IS NO USE CRYING OVER SPILLED MILK'.  WHEN it comes to stress and anxiety, many times we are our very own WORST enemy.  We tend to grip on to events that we really need to let go of

We seem to have locked ourselves into a prison of hurt and YET we also hold the key to it.  Furthermore, stress has been shown to be incredibly bad for NOT only your emotional and psychological health BUT equally important to your physical health.  Through the years, I did bear witness to people I know first hand who have succumbed to serious medical conditions, mostly of which were traced to the enormous weight of FRUSTRATIONS in life they carried on their shoulders.  And sadly, till their worst moments when they are clinging for life, most of them were unable to rise up and recover, no thanks to the pile up of compounded FRUSTRATIONS they seem to have gone through the years.  

BUT here's a glimmer of hope for those so overwhelmed with FRUSTRATIONS.  There is a short list WHICH we ourselves can rid of it, with little effort, if at all, to name a few:

WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE RIGHT - and no one believed in you.  WHAT else can we do except to remind ourselves that everyone makes mistakes

YOUR UGLY BODY PART - BUT dude, NOBODY IS PERFECT, right?  Even the supermodels are NEVER flawless at all.  So, EMBRACE YOUR FLAWS

THE JOKE THAT WENT TOO FAR - And you were the butt of it.  And you were red-faced.  Think that most likely the person did NOT intend to take the joke too far

GETTING CUT WHILE DRIVING - Oh Oh Oh I'm a zillion times guilty of this.  Driving through a traffic gridlock comparable to Bangkok, Mexico, Istanbul, Mumbai and Jakarta, I've spewed out expletives countless times BUT did it help me?  NOT AT ALL.  So, I had to change myself, telling myself this is the harsh reality

WHEN YOU WORKED FOR IT BUT SOMEONE ELSE GOT CREDITED - C'mon dude, give that away as a bonus gift.  You will earn more credits along the way

NOT TAKING THE CHANCE - yes yes yes, it happens BUT if you missed the boat, so be it, pat yourself on the back that another chance will come

Our takeaway:  Let's be true to ourselves.  You can be scion of the rich and famous.  OR your parents could be just struggling factory workers BUT that does NOT make you inferior as compared to that scion.  Both of you will go through the gauntlet, with similar trials and eventually FRUSTRATIONS.  WHO will end up with his neck still sticking out?  WHOEVER is resilient enough to weather storms of FRUSTRATIONS.  WHOEVER is less onion-skinned to the brickbats in life.  WHOEVER is hardened enough to chug-chug-chug like that old locomotive train till it reaches the rail station.  FRUSTRATIONs?  Everyone has his own fair share.  WHY feel so hopeless and hapless when you can easily turn things around by pulling the bull by its horn💥💥💥

WHAT IF You're At Your LOWEST POINT?

 WHAT IF You're At Your LOWEST POINT?

We all see successful people, all the fame, all the fancy cars and big mansions BUT we never realize that even themselves, they also had their LOW MOMENTS in life which may even be worse than most of us had WHICH made them into WHO they are.  WHAT IF You're At Your LOWEST POINT?  Frankly, we all had our LOWEST MOMENTS and it's that ability to pass through those moments that make us stronger📗📙📘

Yes folks, NEVER be hopeless like I was once in the past at the LOWEST POINT in my life.  Through those ordeals, I have to admit I learned my lessons the harder way than what is normal BUT if I need to go and rewind the past all over again, I firmly believe I made myself to be much stronger and resilient to face off again IF EVER I'll skid down and hit rock bottom💥💥💥

Allow me to humbly share how I managed and get over those most difficult humps in my life:

THINK ABOUT YOURSELF - Ask yourself HOW can you solve it and mistake you made.  Then, lay down a concrete plan whether it's cutting down spending, working 2 more hours, talking to your spouse without that PRIDE

THINK ABOUT THE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE - Our ability to stand back will make us stronger and successful, trust me

BE GRATEFUL - Remember all the good people that you have in your life and feel that gratitude of having them in your life

ACTION ACTION ACTION - Even if you feel the gratitude of all the things you possess and the ability you have to do much more, if you DON'T put it into ACTION with persistence, it WON'T have much effect to make it better😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  You have NO reason to give up regardless of the severity of the issues you have at hand.  Even if you're akin to a ship that has grounded and skidded to the ground, the fact that you're alive, breathing and kicking till now, that gives you enough arsenal to weather and overcome things even if all the cards are stacked against you.  WHEN do you think you become a 'LOST CAUSE'?  It is WHEN you give up on the pretext that you CAN'T handle things anymore just because YOU'RE AT YOUR LOWEST POINT???

Find Your Strength

Find Your Strength

Is this true? THAT we need to Find our strength?  Yes dude, we need to.  WHY? Everyone gets hit with life's more serious [and sometimes life-changing] problems, whether it is in one's relationship, at work, one's health, one's finances OR even a combination.  WHAT happens when we find our strength?  Then, that reinforces our 'arsenal' where we will draw our strength WHENEVER we are tested, sometimes even beyond our limits.  The worst thing in life is WHEN you are overwhelmed with these life-changing problems and yet, you are NOT equipped with your personal 'arsenal' [WHICH is no less than an equvalent of one's ARMORY of STRENGTHs].  This is to prepare yourself WHEN/IF your life falls apart and you're left to pick up the pieces💴💷💵

Oh, I came across this sometime back.  YOU CAN'T FIX YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.  When I stumbled across this one-liner, a light turned ON within me.  IF I wanted a job, it was UP TO ME.  IF I want to support my family, it was UP TO ME.  If I wanted to scale up my career's trajectory, it was UP TO ME.  In summary, I realized that everything about me was really UP TO ME.  To translate all these in street-level simplicity, first, NOT to wish for BUT it helps WHEN you do get hit with a ton of bricks because that will shake you, that will wake you up from your deep slumber.  Bottom line is, you are responsible for your life [and NO ONE ELSE]📗📙📘

And to take on that responsibility in your life, you got to prepare yourself as a gladiator always ready for any war or enemy attack that may hit you.  YES, that means that sometimes you need to do the HARD things the HARD way.  You CAN'T even quit and ask for bailouts as you need to start trusting your own abilities.  NOT only that it is UP TO YOU but most importantly, you got to start firmly believing in yourself no less💧💧💧

In life, we are comparable to the ship which must stock itself with all the food and provisions before it leaves port in case it gets stuck in the middle of storms in the high seas.  Experts advise us to consider the below:

STOP PLAYING THE BLAME GAME - that will never help.  You got to be forward-looking

START WITH SMALL STEPS - to pick up the pieces, you CAN'T be a SUPERMAN💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  All the lifelong journeys we went through will teach us that climbing out of despair requires more than just the desire for CHANGE.  Instead, it demands actionable steps toward improvement.  On the flip side of whining and complaining in life, we are encouraged to to start saying loud everything you are grateful for, even the littlest things because according to studies, that will make you feel better as it will lead you towards the path of GOODNESS TO GRATITUDE💚💛💜

Breaking A Loop

Breaking A Loop

Per se, there is nothing wrong with LOOP BUT let's think about it.  WHAT IF after graduating from university, you finally landed a job as a clerk and you went through that daily routine between home and office.  WHAT IF you DIDN'T break that LOOP for years?  Obviously, you will remain in that clerical job through all those years.  This is WHERE Breaking A Loop makes sense!!!

The thing is, I'll be the very first one to admit that it's just damn hard to stop doing the same thing you've been doing anyways, simply because you've always done them.  True, ROUTINE is a powerful tool to reinforce habits, both longstanding and even the new ones.  And the more regularly you do something, the more likely you'll stick with that behavior even over time.  True, you probably want to maintain your positive traits, like having a glass of water WHEN you wake up, finishing up your lunch break with a short walk OR reading every night💦💦💦

Having said this, if you've got some habits you'd like to CHANGE, though, you might have realized breaking them ISN'T that quite as easy as you imagined.  Yes, that HABIT LOOP is a framework for thinking about the formation [and even destruction] of habits.  Experts claim that the HABIT LOOP has three components namely:  the CUE, the routine and the REWARD.  The CUE is a.k.a. REMINDER, the trigger that kicks off the habitual behavior.  The ROUTINE refers to the HABIT or repeated behavior while the REWARD refers to WHAT the behavior does for you💧💧💧

YES, here's the thing.  The bottom-line is that breaking the LOOP is really that tough, if NOT impossible.  HABITs often prove difficult to break since the process is usually much more complicated than simply quitting the behavior.  Maybe you'd love to stop picking up your phone every time there's a lull in your workflow BUT you probably WON'T have much success UNTIL you unpack the entire HABIT LOOP.  YES, CHANGE is possible BUT HOW?  Let me cull from experts' advice here and it starts by first identifying the ROUTINE you want to break.  BUT yes, identifying the ROUTINE is the easy part since the ROUTINE just refers to WHATEVER HABIT you want to break💥💥💥

Our takeaway:  To quote experts, HABITS generally develop WHEN specific actions yield rewards.  Then let's explore the TRIGGERS   Identifying the specific cues that prompt your routine is an essential step of breaking a habit.  And those cues could be either a location, time, emotional state, people around you OR the last action.  Finally, we got to figure out finding our way around those CUES and experts counsel us that some people may have more trouble breaking HABITS than others BUT we should take up that challenge of BREAKING A LOOP dude!!! 

How's Your CHOICES?

How's Your CHOICES?

How's Your CHOICES?  This is NOT to overstep on your toes.  Instead, we'd like to take a sneak peek at your own scorecard.  WHO knows we can pick up some insightful lessons from you?  Having said this, you might wonder, WHY should we discuss about CHOICES today?  Simple.  Many of us end have been judicious enough to make decisions on CHOICES but look back, WHAT's the percentage of ill-advised CHOICES you ended up [regardless if you've done it on your free will OR was it made under duress?

Yes indeed, making CHOICES and DECISIONS is part and parcel of life.  Simply put, the way life unfolds, with all those unexpected twists and turns, starts and stops, it requires us to make CHOICES and DECISIONS every step of the way.  So, ISN'T it a shock  [i'll call it PERPLEXING] that by the time young people grow to become adults, many have NOT mastered DECISION-making.  Instead, WHAT I observe is that young people dread change because it means they will have to contemplate something that is different from WHAT they're used to and maybe even be required to initiate [and embrace] CHANGE.  So, it's NOT surprising if we come across young people get stalled in a suspended state of DECISION-making

So, the bigger question is, WHY IS THIS SO?  True, there are many factors that determine WHY some people can just dive into life and do WHAT is required with enthusiasm and excitement while others are paralyzed at the thought of having to step up to anything that might require taking action.  A person's temperament, disposition OR nature may contribute to the way they view life.  Some people are fearless, enjoying risk and adventure WHILE others are fearful of making CHANGE and even making mistakes, preferring to stay close to WHAT is familiar [in their comfort zones] and NOT wandering too far [and that includes their choices and decisions they need to formulate

Truthfully, several times in the past, I did bear witness to some people WHO have been 'BURNED' in the past as a consequence of their POOR choices and/or ill-advised DECISIONS.  And to compound matters, many times we end with a specific choice because the other alternative choice has some attendant RISKS [and we're afraid to take that RISK].  Worst, some will decide NOT to make a DECISION, on the [FALSE] hope that the CHANGE will work itself out OR simply go away and dissipate in thin air OR that somebody else will take care of WHAT needs to be done.  BTW, in the interest of time, we WON'T dissect as to WHY even children end up handicapped in DECISION-making

Our takeaway:  Our CHOICES and DECISIONS dictate and influence the progress of our journey in life.  What is quite disconcerting is the widespread perception that for CHOICES and DECISIONS, the scenarios are limited to you making the right OR wrong CHOICE or DECISION.  This is a HALF-TRUTH though because WHAT is missed out is that NOT making a CHOICE OR NOT making a DECISION leads you to a higher probability to suffer the consequences and implications, because you LOST BY DEFAULT, simply by your INDECISION!@#$?

Why REGRET Gets Into The Way?

Why REGRET Gets Into The Way?

Reality check.  Have you ever made a DECISION that you later regretted?  YES, you're NOT alone, dude.  I've been in that boat ride many times in the past.  And most people are familiar with that feeling of emptiness mixed with that hint of anger [to yourself].  And then, your mind speeds through alternative timelines in which you did something different and things turned out better.  So, the question to us today, Why REGRET Gets Into The Way?  BTW, you might ask, WHY does REGRET deserve our space for today?  Yes, if only to find an answer to this unanswered question till to date💥💥💥

Although many REGRETS are small and quickly forgotten, like WHEN you made that 'stupid' comment in social media, there are some REGRETS that endure.  They become salient 'SLIDING DOOR' moments for WHICH you can easily envision a better storyline for your life. Reflecting on the most enduring REGRETS is important because they usually link back to major life DECISIONS in the future.  Each of us are in control of these DECISIONS so we can potentially avoid the worst REGRETS by having a plan.  BUT WHAT are the DECISIONS we're most likely to REGRET?  A recent study in the United States found the most commonly reported REGRETS involved romance [19%], family [16%], education [14%], career [13%], finance [9%] and parenting [9%]💧💧💧

Experts recommend another way that we can learn about life's biggest REGRETS is to listen to those WHO care for the dying.  In the U.S., the carers for the old persons in hospice have that more holistic perspective because in their interaction with the hospice residents, they would listen first hand unfiltered narratives about the various sharings about REGRETS.  Listening to those narratives:

• I WISH I'D HAD THE COURAGE TO LIVE A LIFE TRUE TO MYSELF , NOT THE LIFE OTHERS EXPECTED OF ME.

• I WISH I HAND'T WORKED SO HARD.  
• I WISH I'D HAD THE COURAGE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS
• I WISH I HEEDED MY FAMILY'S ADVICE
• I WISH I WAS NOT THAT UNSELFISH AS I ENDED UP NEGLECTING MYSELF
• I WISH I PICKED UP AND LEARNED LESSONS FOR EACH ILL-ADVISED DECISION I MADE

So, WHAT leads to REGRETS?  Psychologists say that feelings of REGRET in the long-term are more likely for DECISIONS involving inaction.  That is, choosing NOT to do something.  Examples would be an overseas job offer you ignored because you DON'T want to be away from your family OR you wanted to ask a very important work-related question BUT decided to keep mum on it, until you fumbled in the task you processed at work.  All is NOT lost, however.  WHILE REGRETS are a fact of life, we can lower its probability if we take that high road in our DECISION-making✅✅✅

Thinking BIG? Fine, BUT Where Are You Now?

Thinking BIG?  Fine, BUT Where Are You Now?

Thinking BIG?  Fine, BUT Where Are You Now?  NOT to be blunt about DREAMS because DREAMING BIG & BIGTIME is very laudable.  Problem is if we face the harsh truth, a plurality, if NOT majority of us all,  we end up stalled and stuck in those BIG DREAMS with nary a significant progress to boot.  This brings us to our modest goal today, to share those TINY-TINY things we can adopt OR initiate.  And those TINY habits will NOT cost you anything in terms of monies.  And in terms of efforts to be exerted, the fact these are TINY habits, the efforts to be exerted will be very much minimal, if at all📗📙📘

MAKING SOMEONE's LIFE EASIER - Yes, this seems easier said than done.  Case in point.  In the past, when a team member seems to fumble at work, I'll question WHY?  These days, my retort is:  DO YOU NEED A TRAINING REFRESH?  

TASK LIST & PRIORITIZATION - NO task list and NO priorities?  You'll be dead in the water.  Next question is:  HOW to prioritize?  Push on top of the list the HIGH-IMPACT tasks requiring the least OR minimal efforts

WATCH YOUR TASK LIST - It's NOT just about having a TASK LIST & PRIORITIES.  WHAT IF often you DON'T complete 80% to 90% of your tasks & priorities?  WHAT it means you need to tweak the way you do your TASK LIST & PRIORITIES.  At the end of the day, RESULTS matter and no less than that.

NEVER SHOOT FROM THE HIP - Take time to reach on informed decisions.  DECISIONS arising from emotions is a NO-NO

STRESS MANAGEMENT - STRESSED in a task?  Figure it out and fix it ASAP.  STRESSED at work.  Figure out WHY and face it frontally.  If it is a task, is it because you were ill-prepared for it?  Can you request for a buddy OR mentoring?  

EXCESS MANAGEMENT - anything in EXCESS is a NO-NO.  EXCESS eating.  EXCESS alcohol/smoking.  EXCESS social life.  EXCESSIVE & frivolous spending.  If you need to CUT IT DOWN, CUT & CUT CLEAN

Our takeaway:  NEVER DREAM to live a problem-free life.  If you need to RESET your expectations in life, please do RESET.  And much as it is so good to AIM HIGH, be wary of the attendant risks to AIM HIGH because of the higher risk of failing to attain such lofty goals.  Where possible, endeavor to be pragmatic in life.  If you got a hundred issues and problems, can you scrape at least the 10% fraction that will need the least efforts and resource [including time] you can spend on it?  Shedding off 10% may look like scratching the surface but look at it from any perspective, 90% is lower than 100%.  So, YES, you can THINK BIG but WHAT matters is HOW far and HOW fast can you progress😐😐😐

That Cycle of LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING...

That Cycle of LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING...

WHEN was the last time you yourself OR probably the kids around clamoring for MORE milk, then MORE cereals, then the cycle keeps looping.  That's the parallelism in our life where we have That Cycle of LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING.  You might be curious and ask stoically, CAN WE HAVE THAT LOOP GROUND TO A HALT?  Noooooo sirrrrrrs, it can't, precisely because it is a loop.  This is precisely WHAT life is.  Much as we preach that learning is a lifelong process, things DON'T start and end there.  there is the experimentation where we try things out, if it works OR not.  Once we get it right, constant fine-tuning is a MUST-DO📘📙📗

BUT, as a word of caution, NOT everything will be constant.  To be 'spot on', during your school age, you'll probably spend 90% of your time and efforts for LEARNING and by the time you leave the portals of your school, this is when EXPERIMENTATION kicks in.  You would try and test some theories learned in school.  And DON'T feel downhearted if in your initial tries, you will FAIL more times than SUCCEEDING💧💧💧

And then as you plunge into the job market, you will realize that you're getting a better handle of things.  BUT before you slacken and rest to take a break from this lifecycle, it WON'T take long before you got to rise up from slouching because there are things to be either corrected or improved on.  And to top it all, on a regular basis, it behooves that you revisit the LEARNING phase to either REFRESH your skills OR even UPSKILL yourself.  In fact, in the corporate world, our onboarding process is quite stringent, such that, you got to complete a comprehensive Knowledge Training [KT] Plan as a measure of your READINESS to finally roll up your sleeves at work💥💥💥

And if ever in get into a tight situation, we need to be constantly aware that we were gifted the human experience to be able to feel a wide range of emotions.  And if you were a spiritual being, and had the opportunity to come to Earth and experience all kinds of emotions for a brief period, both POSITIVE and NEGATIVE, will you be willing to take it?  Frankly, through the years, this is HOW I guided myself through those super-duper tough times a lesser soul would have succumbed and given up.  Indeed, along the way, we will be picking up lessons and the challenge is for us to take it all as OPPORTUNITIES😀😀😀

Our takeaway:  There are certain LIFE LESSONS that we all receive, some of which are REALITY CHECKS that are purely based on our journeys and perceptions.  However, some truths and LIFE LESSONS are more generalized and we should all learn and accept them at some point in our lives for us to have an enriching experience.  In the worst times you get hit with hard challenges, always think that the WORLD IS NOT AGAINST YOU.  As hard as this is to believe sometimes, the energy just DOESN'T work that way.  It may seem you're swimming against the current BUT you CAN'T expect a journey to be that straight, right?  THAT CYCLE OF LEARNING, EXPERIMENTING, IMPROVING will go on and on💦💦💦

Just Stop OVERTHINKING, Period

Just Stop OVERTHINKING, Period

This is NOT the first time we'd like to touch on OVERTHINKING but sadly, these difficult times call for us to revisit this, albeit with no extreme urgency BUT of utmost importance to our daily lives.  For alignment, Google defines OVERTHINKING as those moments WHEN you dwell on OR worry about the same thing repeatedly.  People WHO OVERTHINK can be paralyzed by their worries and may even end up to struggle in arriving at an informed decision or to take action.  Can we Just Stop OVERTHINKING???

In my earlier piece, I recall highlighting OVERTHINKING as one of life's frustrating PARADOXES, i.e. THE MORE WE THINK, THE LESS WE WILL DO OR ACT ON IT and I firmly believe this is less debatable.  Much as many of us are aware of this situation, experts confirm that OVERTHINKING itself is NOT a mental illness symptom OR manifestation.  That should ease up for those [STILL] in denial💧💧💧

WHAT somehow complicates this seemingly simple concern is the fact that, according to psychologists, OVERTHINKING is more associated with conditions like depression, anxiety, eating disorders and YES, substance use.  And rumination can be common in people WHO have chronic pain and chronic illness as well, taking the form of NEGATIVE THOUGHTS about that pain and healing from it💦💦💦

There's a very interesting insight shared by experts here.  Sometimes, worry and rumination may trick the brain into associating itself with something beneficial OR productive.  The distorted understanding here is that like worry, for some people, the impression is that worrying shows that they care about something OR prepares them for the worst outcome so it can easily evolve in one's habit formation💥💥💥

Our takeaway?  Since this is a technical topic only experts have the full grasp, allow me to share the experts' advisories to stop OVERTHINKING:

• ACCEPT or DENY YOUR THOUGHTS - As thinking is a two-way street, it's on us to decide if we accept OR deny such thoughts
• RETRAIN YOUR BRAIN - Experts warn us that if our brain is left on its own, the brain will tend to OVERTHINK, so it's on us to retrain our brain like initiating a mind-clearing exercise.  Dude,  all is NOT lost on OVERTHINKING😄😄😄

Do We Embrace FAILURE?

Do We Embrace FAILURE?

FAILING is an inevitable part of life, BUT feeling like a FAILURE should NOT be the case.  Point is, we need to separate FAILING at something from feeling like you are a FAILURE.  That pair is NOT an apples-to-apples thing.  By NOT feeling like a FAILURE, it should lead us to be nursing hopes and be hopeful of bouncing back [either from embarrassment, rejection, OR humiliation.  So, the nagging question we got to resolve today is,  Do We Embrace FAILURE❓❓❓

Yessss dude, FAILURE has its HIDDEN benefits for us to reap, for us to cling on.  Sharing below are results from expert studies [so, it's NOT mine]:

• FAILURE forces us to be creative - WHY?  At work we may get frustrated after fumbling BUT after we take a moment to process our embarrassment, we can then look for new ways to get back on track

• FAILURE is both an OPTION + OPPORTUNITY.  Not to scare but every time we take a risk, failure is a possibility.  Visualizing many outcomes can get us past imagining every situation as a catastrophe and also acknowledging the need to do your best
• FAILURE is part of that path to SUCCESS - I guess this does NOT need a hard-sell.  FAILURES are ugly ones but identify lessons to value so that in your next attempt, you'll be over the hump📌📌📌
• 

From whichever perspective we look at FAILURE, once we feel humiliated OR embarrassed for failing, psychologists concluded in their studies that FAILURE transforms us to be kind and encouraging to others WHO 'crash and burn' during those moments of FAILURE and it brings a healthy perspective WHEN others are in a similar dilemma.  At this point, we are encouraged to BE brave, BE honest, be WILLING to help others💚💛💜

Our takeaway:  FAILURE is NOT a social or worse, a personal stigma.  It is a fact of life where NO ONE is exempt OR immune.  Let's do a roll call of all the famous SUCCESS stories and each of their unique narratives will have a common denominator and that is, they WON'T have SUCCEEDED without all the past FAILURES they had to endure.  There's NO shortcut dude, ONLY SURE CUTS😀😀😀