Are ROUGH Patches The Beginning Of The END?

Are ROUGH Patches The Beginning Of The END?

Are ROUGH Patches The Beginning Of The END? Now, consider this hypothetical example.  You and your partner/spouse are in a tough place.   You have a hard time feeling connected and DON'T feel connected.  You worry if this is the BEGINNING OF THE END of the relationship.  You fantasize about WHAT life might be like starting over, being single, and WHAT dating someone new might be like.  Maybe you even started searching for legal advice for divorce???

Many couples do experience similar situations and come out stronger, MORE connected, and MORE in love than ever before.  Oh Oh, that statement may sound too idealistic OR even unimaginable IF you are experiencing a ROUGH PATH in your relationship.  It can happen, though, and it takes work [and tons and tons of effort].  There is NO sugar-coating in those kinds of situations.  Eventually, you will have to make the decision that the relationship is worth being IN and working ON.  If so, you got to commit to rolling up your sleeves and doing your part💎💎💎

So, HOW do we go about that kind of a crisis that looks unresolvable?  Primero, OWN YOUR PART.  Recognize your role in HOW the two of you got to this place in your relationship.  There will always be that 'WE' stuff that impacts every relationship BUT here's a word of caution, there is also always a "ME" stuff in that equation at hand.  You then decide if you are willing to do some personal inventory on the internal work that you need to tackle💦💦💦

Do you need to CHANGE your attitude about your partner/spouse and allow yourself to notice the good things they do?  Can you find something you appreciate about your partner/spouse and let them know?  OR you may need to forgive OR accept some things you cannot CHANGE about your partner/spouse to open up your own mindset?  There may be WORK that you do that allows you to hold your partner/spouse in a POSITIVE perspective again, if that puts your relationship back on track💥💥💥

Our takeaway?  Regardless of the mile-long rough patches that characterizes your ordeal, remember that farther down the road, the roads are PAVED and SMOOTH and who knows, at that point, you will restore again that FUN.  As experts opine, great relationships need tending.  Shared POSITIVE experiences lead to shared POSITIVE emotions.  And if you DON'T invest in quality time with each other, DON'T be surprised WHEN you start to view your spouse as a 'business partner' that you are in the 'business' of being in a relationship with.  So, DON'T miss out to 'reframe ' the situation because rough patches usually represent the consequences from a time when the relationship WASN'T a priority.  So, ARE ROUGH PATCHES THE BEGINNING OF THE END?  NO, NEIN, NADA❗❗❗

Running On EMPTY?

Running On EMPTY?

Just like a battery's power will eventually drain and conk out, humans can only keep up a go-go-go pace for so long, NOT so long and NOT so far in fact.  Add to it stress and the daily grind of a busy life will catch up to you.  And IF you're NOT careful, this can even lead to illness .  This state can also make you even irritable and NOT very fun to be around with.  You also probably WON'T be all that productive, despite feeling like all you do is work.  It is really imperative for you to take the time to recharge those internal batteries way before things will worsend and you even reach that scary point when you're  Running On EMPTY❓❓❓

Now, before we deep-dive into this, let's figure out as to WHAT DOES NOT WORK [at all], and I guess you're familiar enough with those narratives WHEN and WHERE people turn to alcohol after a long, hard day.  While drinking in moderation ISN'T always a terrible thing, it is NOT the best way to try to RECHARGE.  In fact, drinking too much will only compound the issue at hand.  A hangover is only going to make you feel worse, trust me.  Then you probably thought that taking a vacation is the solution to all your problems?  After all, WHAT better way is there to RECHARGE than taking some time off?  It's true that a vacation can be a good way to refuel BUT to rely on vacations as the sole way to keep your internal battery running strong is NOT the best solution, frankly📌📌📌

I've been through all those vicious cycles.  I've approved vacation leave applications after my team member confided that he's going off for a well-deserved holiday.  And I wished he'll enjoy it.  NOW, believe me, many times, on the very business day that employee should be back to work from his vacation, he calls SICK.  Whether it was true OR not, let's agree that vacations drain you, in fact.  Ironically, you end up going back to work more exhausted.  So you end up calling SICK!@#$%?

Instead, experts recommend 'mini-vacations'  and that means, even spending those mini respites even within the city, within the metro, even in 'staycations'.  BUT before we get dragged into this dilemma, there are simple life hacks shared by experts, offering modest ways for us to RECHARGE.  This saves us enormous time to plot and plan itineraries cutting across weeks where your energy ends up zapped❎❎❎

• ENJOY NATURE.  Explore those small patches of greens around you.  DON'T go too far
• TAKE A TECH DETOX.  That constant presence of technology in our lives is often compounding our stress.   Try reading/writing while on DETOX
• EXERCISE, MEDITATE.  Either way, it may sound counterintuitive BUT one of the best ways to boost your energy is to expend some in a workout [even that means MORNING WALKS]

Why Dwell In The Past?

Why Dwell In The Past?

Why Dwell In The Past?  Now, let's be brutally frank about WHAT's going on.  Your 'monkey mind' wants to live in either that painful PAST or that anxous FUTURE.  So, it DOESN'T like to stay in OR savor the PRESENT moment.  Sadly, this mental habit of ruminating over WHAT has happened OR WHAT will happen can make life a miserable journey.  WHAT happens next is that many people are unable to control their mental chatter and continue to suffer instead.  BUT if we can learn to tame our mind to stay in the PRESENT, WHY NOT📗📙📘

Living in the PRESENT has always been tough BUT hey, life happens here and NOW.  Life exists in this present moment.  NOT in the past OR future as most of us are accustomed to.  So, are you living in the PRESENT moment?  Better be because in that regard, you are NOT waiting for the next moment to be fulfilling OR happy.  This is because you are NOT unhappy in the 'NOW', subject to unpleasant clingy thoughts from the past💧💧💧

And WHEN you live in the PRESENT, studies show that you are very likely to be livelier, content and even stress-free because you refuse to entertain PAST experiences or FUTURE anxieties related to health, money, family, work etc.  Experts advise that it may be helpful to even have a phone wallpaper featuring the NOW clock or a gemstone that reminds you that everything you are experiencing exists only in the PRESENT✅✅✅

Many times, though, we carry stressful work situations OR even unsatisfactory experiences with clients.  WHAT happens next, we repeatedly REPLAY them in our minds to analyze and dissect how that client meeting could have been better😕😕😕

Our takeaway?  We seem and tend to forget that we have that right to 'CHOOSE and APPRECIATE' whatever the PRESENT moment brings to us.  So, instead of ruminating about PAST and FUTURE worries, we can choose to drop all fears and swim in the magic of the PRESENT moment.  Experts strongly encourage us to practice this every day because PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.  And equally important is for us to TAME THE MONKEY MIND because that MONKEY MIND can hop-in and hop-off from one branch to another within seconds and before we know it, get hostaged [all over again] by DWELLING IN THE PAST [over and over again]❎❎❎

Why Experience Matters

Why Experience Matters

I stumbled across this one-liner before and I still I can't forget as it says 'EXPERIENCE IS THE BEST TEACHER AND THE WORST EXPERIENCES TEACH THE BEST LESSONS'.  Well said.  Simply put, if everyday in your life is a WALK IN THE PARK, it might not hold water.  Why Experience Matters.  BUT if you do live a normal life [as I do], surely your past experiences are peppered with trials and tribulations📗📙📘

Having survived life's challenges through all these years, facing numerous adversities and precious moments of joy, I'd admit that I've come to terms with the fact that much of our life experiences are a direct outcome of our own belief system.  And admittedly, it takes donkey years to develop a solid belief system built on the foundation of self-awareness, practical optimism combined with gratitude😂😂😂

Frankly, the harsh truth is that for many people, it takes many years for them to develop a solid belief system built on the foundation of self-awareness, practical optimism and gratitude.  Most people take far too long to realize the not so secret 'ingredients' that make life worth living.  BUT at this point, let us set expectations [to avert that frustration that would burst out faster than the speed of light]💧💧💧

And the REALITY is, you and me CANNOT have it all at once.  And as there are five pillars in life, namely HEALTH, CAREER, RELATIONSHIPS, SPIRITUALITY and PERSONAL GOALS, it takes time [like your first 20 to 30 years in life] to construct and strengthen these pillars.  And let's agree, everyone wants a SOLID foundation no less.  BUT they want it by strengthening all the pillars ALL AT ONCE!@#$%? Ironically, regardless of your capability, you can only focus on one or two pillars at a time at most.  To be aggressive and ambitious is laudable but you and I CAN'T and WON'T reach that far regardless of our laudable ambitiousness❎❎❎

Our takeaway?  We are NOT claiming here that only experienced people can make meaningful decisions for themselves.  And this is where expertise comes into the picture.  Like a psychiatrist, for instance, DOESN'T need to have experienced hallucination to know WHAT medications to prescribe to a person with schizophrenia.  And an economist need NOT have experienced poverty to offer solutions to the world's economic problems.  BUT without a lived experience, NOT only can we NOT understand WHAT a person has been through, we simply CANNOT judge them by the same standards we judge ourselves.  This is WHERE understanding the limits of empathy and conceding to its irreplaceable insights that EXPERIENCE can offer us all.  This is WHY EXPERIENCE MATTERS❗❗❗

Those Low-hanging Fruits In Life

Those Low-hanging Fruits In Life

Life by itself is already a GIFT as it offers us that privilege, opportunity and responsibility to give something back by becoming MORE.  BUT dude, can we focus on those  Low-hanging Fruits In Life if only we can achieve those QUICK WINs and SMALL WINs [while we're focused on our ultimate plum in life?  BUT given that life is NOT always that POSITIVE, the real GIFTS in life are often disguised in the cloak of issues and problems📗📙📘

And WHEN we've got so much going on, it is easy to feel like there's NEVER enough time in the day.  Like you want a few more hours to chill OR get stuff done without feeling rushed?  BUT, this early this year, let me unwrap a short list of low-hanging FRUITS if you want to free up at least a hundred hours every year.  Here we go folks:

• STOP snoozing.  Let's do the math here.  Multiply 15mins of snoozing for 300 days a year, that frees up SEVENTY FIVE [75] hours of your time, whew !

• That 'SCROLL HOLE'.  On average, how many minutes you do realize scrolling on sites and threads that are, FRANKLY, of zero-benefit to you?  Let's do the math again, assuming that's eating up FIFTEEN [15] minutes for 300 days a year, that's another SEVENTY FIVE [75] hours freed up time for you
• How about your DECISION PARALYSIS?  How many minutes per day did you get stuck unable to make decisions?  Assuming it's just FIFTEEN [15] minutes per day for 300 days, that's another 75 hours freed up

• Those PHONE TIMES way beyond what is NORMAL?  Can you figure it out, if you're spending extra THIRTY [30] minutes.  Let's do the math again across 300 days a year, you'll reclaim at least ONE HUNDRED FIFTY [150] hours for better use in your life.

BUT not to dampen our optimism and hopes, life's GIFTS are NOT always POSITIVE.  We can have all those moments that we'd never want to go back BUT which we can still appreciate them for marking us WHO we are today.  Because our problems are the very thing that it takes to step up to the next level of life.  These are the key to MORE freedom, MORE joy, MORE love, MORE excitement, MORE impact in our life.  Our takeaway?  Let us NOT miss out on those LOW-HANGING FRUITS IN LIFE as easily we can reclaim hundreds of hours hitherto wasted💧💧💧

Anger Assessment

Anger Assessment

Yahooooo, our thread today has a HOT topic for us and this is all about ANGER.  Is there urgency for this topic?  NOT that urgent.  BUT can this be a HOT topic?  Absolutely.  WHY? Because we need to control ANGER before ANGER controls us, period.  HOW can we accept this harsh truth wherein ANGER can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion?? So, we all know what ANGER is📗📙📘

Whether as a fleeting annoyance OR as a full-fledged rage, we all agree that ANGER is a completely normal and usually healthy, human emotion.  BUT here's the thing.  WHEN it gets out of control, it can turn its ugly head and become destructive and it can worsen and spiral, leading to other problems arising from that singular emotion, be it problems in personal relationships and even in the overall quality of your life.  Mother of all worst things to happen in our life, ANGER can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion way beyond your control😖😖😖

Now, let us align with a common understanding by adopting this ANGER definition which says, it is an 'emotional state' that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.  And like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes.  WHEN you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure goes up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, and adrenaline💦💦💦

Unfortunately, ANGER can be caused by both external and internal events.  You could be ANGRY at a specific person OR event [like a pestering traffic jam]  OR your ANGER could be caused by worrying OR brooding about your personal problems.  Memories of traumatic OR enraging events can also trigger such ANGRY feelings.  And the instinctive and natural way to express ANGER is to respond aggressively.  ANGER is a natural, adaptive response to threats.  It does inspire powerful and often aggressive feelings and behaviors which allow us to even fight or defend ourselves when we feel attacked💢💢💢

So, HOW do we manage ANGER?  Yes it can be suppressed and then converted OR redirected BUT when that happens, it means you would try to HOLD ON to your ANGER, stop thinking about it and focus on something POSITIVE.  Our takeaway?  Our aim is to inhibit OR suppress your ANGER and convert it to a more constructive behavior.  Caution, DON'T leave unexpressed ANGER because it can lead and create to new problems💥💥💥

Consider INVERSION THINKING

Consider INVERSION THINKING

For alignment, let's borrow Mr Google's definition of INVERSION THINKING which is defined as that practice of THINKING through problems in 'reverse', that practice of 'INVERTING' a problem, turning it upside down to see it from a different and opposite perspective.  A classic example is how an endeavor could fail, and then being careful to avoid those pitfalls.  The troubling question is once we do decide to Consider INVERSION THINKING, could it improve our decision-making📗📙📘

Without selling INVERSION THINKING to us all, allow me to share its highlights:

• INVERSION THINKING would ask us to mentally simulate a scenario in WHICH our answer is incorrect 
• Working backward like reverse engineering is a common method in problem-solving
• Once you end up with a 'bad' hypothetical answer, it may help generate better ideas

In layman's terms, INVERSION THINKING is very much akin to playing "DEVIL's ADVOCATE" in terms of 'WELL, WHAT IF....." OR "ON THE OTHER HAND....", This INVERSION THINKING is even compared by experts to a toddler WHO keeps asking WHY WHY WHY until he runs of reason to ask WHY.  So, INVERSION THINKING asks us to mentally "REVERSE ENGINEER" the thinking process and identify WHY and HOW it did go wrong📌📌📌

To simplify the analogy of INVERSION THINKING, experts want us to think of those times we were a child in school .  Did YOU raise your hand all the time?  Probably NOT all the time.  Perhaps only WHEN you knew [OR you thought] that you were right.  MAYBE you DIDN'T raise your hand at all, BUT NOT because you were NOT engaged BUT rather, maybe because you DIDN'T want to risk being wrong in a public setting❎❎❎

Our takeaways?  WHY don't we introduce this INVERSION THINKING into our thought process.  Obviously, it will take time BUT hey dude, UNTIL and UNLESS you do it and practice it, you will NEVER get to develop this and have this habit embedded within your thought process.  Bottom line here is that for many centuries, most of us humans have been thinking along conventional thought process.  ISN'T it time for us to consider INVERSION THINKING❓❓❓

Simplicity Is The BEST LIFE

Simplicity Is The BEST LIFE

True, we have NECESSITIES in life BUT the challenge that many of us face is that we keep redefining WHAT our NECESSITIES are, wanting MORE and MORE.  If the recent Covid-19 Pandemic benefitted us, if at all, is that everyone, AS IN everyone in the world, realized that we ca and should focus on WHAT our true needs are and shift away from UNNECESSARY wants.  This is WHY Simplicity Is The BEST LIFE📗📙📘

Having said this, the perplexing question we need to ask is 'HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?'  Do we really need MORE monies?  MORE cars? MORE clothes?  MORE luxuries? MORE alcohol?  MORE drugs?  Are we filling our lives with an over-abundance of 'stuff'  in order to feel MORE secure?  MORE successful?  And MORE accepted by others?  Are we filling our lives with activities to keep ourselves busy and to avoid asking the deeper existential questions that might cause us to face up to our deepest issues❓❓❓

Most importantly, though, after that recent Covid-19 pandemic, now is the time to SIMPLIFY our approach to life in order to focus on living with MORE meaning.  Indeed, the costs, both intended and unintended, of the hunt for MORE are staggering.  We ignore our relationships and our health as well as lose sight of the true meaning in life WHEN we are so focused on seeking "MORE".  I recall stumbling across numerous philosophical pieces telling us that 'EVERYTHING IN EXCESS'  is opposed to nature and our natural selves💧💧💧

Studies tell us that focusing on NECESSITIES enables us to create the emotional space to focus on knowing ourselves better and, in doing so, become better equipped to live simpler and MORE meaningful lives.  Truth really scares.  The costs, both for the intended and the unintended, of the hunt for MORE are so staggering.  We tend to ignore our relationships and our health as well as lose sight of the very true meaning of life WHEN we are so focused n seeking MORE and MORE.  So, WHAT steps can we take to start to simplify💥💥💥

Our takeaways?  Primero, REFLECT and REFLECT on the differences between needs, wants and even luxuries.  Segundo, CATEGORIZE each of your NEEDS between 'material goods' OR time OR goals OR even relationships.  Tercero, TAKE ACTION.  Reflecting on the purpose of each item OR each activity in our life helps us to start to focus on WHAT we believe is really necessary for living a more meaningful and purposeful life.  At the end of the day, we cannot destruct into pieces the unsullied mantra that SIMPLICITY IS THE BEST LIFE [ever]😋😋😋

Life Is Like An Aircraft

Life Is Like An Aircraft 

I used to be a 'road warrior', sometimes living out of my suitcase, having weekly flights within the Pan-continent, monthly flights within the Asia-Pacific Region and at least one long-haul flight every year.  So, through these years, by analogy, I always thought that Life Is Like An Aircraft.  So, even if I was a frequent flyer for many years [NOT until Covid-19 pandemic hit is hard], yet, with all those travel experiences, I still take a knuckle-white grip on the armrests when we encounter TURBULENCE up there.  LIFE is much like flying in an airplane.  There is TURBULENCE more often than NOT, BUT just like the airplane, we are built to handle the TURBULENCE in life and sometimes, it's MORE than TURBULENCE📗📙📘

BUT my uneasiness with TURBULENCE comes with good reason.  Many years ago, I was in a Cessna twin-engine aircraft cruising across dense forests when our pilot advised me and my boss that one engine seemed to have 'CONKED OUT'.  At that point, I WON'T be surprised if our pilot will radio-out MAYDAY.  BUT not just to assuage our fears but to manifest that he was in FULL CONTROL of things, our pilot assured us that we will reach our destination safe enough even with one engine left to keep our heads above water💦💦💦

Just like our pilot in that near-harrowing experience I went through, we can be DISTRACTED by things.  Emotions, like being overwhelmed and feeling fear, can DISTRACT our focus and make any situation harder than it needs to be.  Those emotions are usually rooted in the stories I tell myself about any given situation💥💥💥

If our LIFE is cruising like that aircraft flying in AUTO-PILOT, it's like a 'walk in the park' BUT the thing is, EMOTIONS, like being overwhelmed and feeling fear, can DISTRACT our focus and make any situation harder than it needs to be.  Those emotions are usually rooted in the real-life narratives I become aware in life.  So, it always helps me to FOCUS on WHAT I can do, WHAT is important, and WHAT I can change💧💧💧

Our takeaway?  IF I get DISTRACTED by all the kinds of drama that unfolds in life, the NEGATIVE emotions and even SELF-PITY, the situation will feel overwhelming that may cause me to doubt my ability to handle all that might be happening.  Sometimes, our EXPECTATIONS really cause the TURBULENCE in our life.  WHEN we expect ourselves or others around us to reach and respond in a certain way.  WHEN something small threatens to destroy your attitude and POSITIVE outlook in life, remember everyone makes mistakes [that's WHY we have a life-jacket for emergencies].  Bear in mind, mistakes are part of life.  DON'T let one TURBULENCE turn you upside down because LIFE IS LIKE AN AIRCRAFT, indeed😌😌😌 

Say NO If It's For Your Own Good

Say NO If It's For Your Own Good

As we live in this challenging world that constantly bombards us with requests, demands, deadlines, and expectations, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and sometimes overburdened.  We often find ourselves saying YES to things that will drain our TIME, our ENERGY, and even compromise our own happiness and satisfaction in life, sometimes leaving us quite depleted and worse, even resentful.  WHAT's the antidote to all these dilemmas?  Dude, the sage advice is:  Say NO If It's For Your Own Good

BUT should we NOT learn to say NO?  The simple act of saying NO can be a powerful tool for reclaiming control over your life and even creating space for the things that truly matter.  By learning to say NO to the things that drain us, we can open ourselves up to new opportunities, experiences, and relationships that bring us joy and fulfillment.  So, jointly, let's figure things out how to develop that capability to say 'NO'

Let's hear it from the sage advisories of experts:

• DON'T fall into that PEOPLE-PLEASING TRAP.  That is a common habit that can trap us in a cycle of self-sacrifice and even resentment.  That's WHEN we constantly put the needs of others before our own, often to our detriment
• DON'T fall for NEGATIVE thoughts like, 'I'M NOT GOOD ON THIS' or 'I'M GOING TO MESS IT UP',  NEGATIVE thoughts can be a powerful force, holding us back from achieving our goals

• DON'T fall into that PERFECTIONIST TRAP.  Let's picture out you're writing a paper and you're NOT happy with it.  You keep rewriting it to make it PERFECT but hey, NO matter how hard you try, it will NEVER be good enough because PERFECTIONISM is a relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal.
• DON'T get trapped in COMPARISONS.  You're scrolling through social media and you see pictures of people with perfect bodies or guys with luxury cars, amazing careers.  Then you start to feel INADEQUATE and then, you feel DOWN

• DON'T get trapped with EXCUSES.  Picture this out.  You have a DREAM you always wanted to pursue BUT you keep making excuses for WHY you CAN'T do it.  You'd say you DON'T have enuf $$$$$, enuf TIME, enuf resources.  Dude, you will NEVER run out of EXCUSES
• DON'T overcommit. If you're constantly saying YES to every request, WHETHER it's a work project, a social obligation OR a favor to a friend, you're likely feeling overwhelmed and stretched out thinly

Dude, SAY NO IF IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR OWN GOOD