IT's OK Not To Feel GOOD ENOUGH

IT's OK Not To Feel GOOD ENOUGH

Are you stuck looking at yourself across the mirror?  Not literally though but from a SELF-JUDGMENT context?  But not to dampen us, psychologists advise that if you have DOUBTS on yourself, you're NOT alone.  In fact, a plurality of us do get into these SELF-DOUBTS from time to time.  Experts tag those moments of our SELF-DOUBTS as "SELF-EVALUATIVE THOUGHTS" that rattle through our brain.  Whether it concerns our performance at work, some boiling turmoil' in our relationship with our spouse/partner or that unexpressed nervousness if we are capable to climb a 'steep' challenge we doubt but again, as psychologists say,  IT's OK Not To Feel GOOD ENOUGH

All these are NOT our faults according to experts because long way back, humans had to compete with others for STATUS.  Comparing ourselves to others was then once a SURVIVAL SKILL.  And during those tribal ages, being 'EXILED' from one's tribe was a matter of LIFE and DEATH.  That explains why we humans ended up with that FEAR of REJECTION, until today

Humans are too hanged-up with so many WANTS.  WANT to get good grades.  WANT to have more monies.  WANT to be attractive.  WANT to be in the center of everything.  Just one too many WANTS

At times, we try to do everything we can to PROVE to ourselves and others that we are the VERY THINGS we want to see ourselves:  as GOOD, MONEYED, STRONG, ATTRACTIVE, INFLUENTIAL but again, things DON'T work that way.  Bluntly, it is actually our relentless trying to FEEL GOOD about ourselves that causes much of our distress.  Isn't that a gross irony?  When it is ourselves causing it❓❓❓

Researches have reconfirmed over and over again that people who pursue external rewards like FAME, POWER, WEALTH and BEAUTY to be popular are more anxious, depressed and discontent compared to those WHO are focused on personal growth, relationships and helping others.  When our goals are like that, we may find ourselves falling short all the time because there are always people doing better , so we end up feeling constantly judged,  So, c'mon dude, IT's OK NOT TO FEEL GOOD ENOUGH❗❗❗

Anxiety Anyone?

Anxiety Anyone?

Oh Oh Oh this seems a NON-NEWS to us, right ?  Once we raise up Anxiety as a topic, many will protest, that's NOT worth to be our thread.  But c'mon, we can flip things around so that Anxiety  may lead us to clues if only to improve and make our lives better.  We know for a fact that ANXIETY can feel like a heavyweight that we DIDN'T ask to carry in the first place.  Of course, WHO would NOT want to get rid of it. Anxiety Anyone❓❓❓

Neuroscientist Wendy Suzuki points out that Anxiety is a natural human emotion, one that evolved to serve a purpose.  We feel anxious when there is some kind of danger as it seems to prime our body to FIGHT or FLEE from that danger, hoping that we'll end up BETTER off.  In the same way, our modern anxieties can be a warning signal for things that are wrong.  Not having enough rest, lots of multi-tasking, isolation from others.  Our anxious energy alerts us to change our lives for the better, according to Suzuki but sadly, majority of us [and that includes myself] are NOT aware of this proven premise💎💎💎

Apparently, if we simply approach it as something to AVOID, get RID of or dampen, we NOT only DON'T solve the problem but we end up actually missing an opportunity to leverage that hidden power of ANXIETY.  From an expert viewpoint of Suzuki, to do that, we first need to turn down the VOLUME of our ANXIETY so that we can listen to what it [our ANXIETY] has to say.  Now, it might help if we go back to the very basic definition of ANXIETY which is that FEELING of FEAR or worry typically associated with situations of uncertainty⏳⏳⏳

Apparently, GOOD ANXIETY comes with a better awareness that ANXIETY is protective, and going through all the exercises to allow us to take advantage of what ANXIETY originally evolved to do, which is, to put into action that will give us a better outcome📌📌📌

So what's our FIX?  Let us know the difference between GOOD versus BAD ANXIETY in our body.  Chronic anxiety and stress is VERY bad for all our systems in our bodies.  High levels of stress hormones can damage THEN KILL cells in our brain.  On the other hand, GOOD ANXIETY is that 'warning system' that helps put us into ACTION.  We heard about 'FIGHT or FLIGHT' versus the 'REST & DIGEST' part of our nervous system.  And that is what we need to activate to bring us back to equilibrium when stressed.  ANXIETY anyone?  Not for me, not for us✅✅✅

Petulance Is An Ingredient for FAILURE

Petulance Is An Ingredient for FAILURE

Oh, this is a recycled one-liner, that "FAILURE IS INEVITABLE".  And of course, generally speaking, that is true.  But, as much as FAILURE is a normal part of everyday life, we owe it to ourselves to realize that you DON'T have to stay in that state [of FAILURE].  FAILURE being normal, but getting stuck in FAILURE should NOT be the case.  So, for today, we got to pin down the most common causes and culprits of FAILURE but in the midst of things, please allow me to highlight that  Petulance [itself] Is An Ingredient for FAILURE.  Once we start rattling down the most common causes or culprits of FAILURE, we will realize that PETULANCE is indeed an Ingredient for FAILURE.  And as per Mr Webster, PETULANCE is defined as either bad-tempered, ill-tempered, impatient and veering to being childish  And surely, everyone of us have been petulant few times in the past but that's fine💊💊💊

So, what are our common behavioral manifestations either bad-tempered, ill-tempered, impatient and veering to being childish?  Topping our all-time list are EXCUSES EXCUSES and EXCUSES and I vividly remember hearing this funny sharing that EXCUSES are like armpits.  We all have them and they all stink, whew.  Whether we're person-specific or organization-specific who makes EXCUSES will never be able to accept that their FAILURE was caused by something they did or didn't do❗❗❗

A petulant Obama, yes the former U.S. President?  Yesirrrrrs, to be tagged as petulant does not shield even world power leaders.  Whether it's in their  work performance or the execution of their executive powers. those are common areas where they could have been tagged as PETULANT.  Now, have you heard of the BLAME GAME?  So, when you fail, what's the first thing we do?  Oh well, for each of us, the first thing we need to do is to face the mirror [but which we DON'T do].  Instead, many of us [and I'm guilty of this in the past] would blame someone else💎💎💎

You might challenge me and ask, where's the beef when we blame?  Unfortunately, BLAME creates animosity and burnout and may even ruin one's relationship[s] and even one's business  Instead, when you succeed in something, credit that to others' contributions.  When you FAIL, start with the only person you can change.  Coming close to the heels of BLAME is DOUBT.  There's just a lot to be said for confidence📌📌📌

Now, "Try TRY" which means TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF.  To quote famous American writer Mark Twain, 'ALL YOU NEED IN THIS LIFE IS IGNORANCE AND CONFIDENCE AND THEN SUCCESS IS SURE'.  But here's the catch.  That does NOT come easy.  If you find yourself in DOUBT, just realize that you are capable of faith.  Meanwhile, throw out through the window that disgusting PETULANCE because you DON'T need that in your recipe for SUCCESS✅✅✅

Do You Need To IGNITE Your Motivation

Do You Need To IGNITE Your Motivation

Have we ever thought that we Need To IGNITE our Motivation?  Too bad, many of us [and I'm guilty of it several times in the past] would give MOTIVATION that lip service it does NOT deserve.  Sometimes, we [wrongly] believe that MOTIVATION is as effortless as the rain [when it pours].  BUT WHAT IF THE RAIN DOES NOT POUR❓❓❓

Other than we are ill or sick, if you agree to this poster, that's detestable to say the least because with that attitude, I'll challenge the incumbent why in the first he/she ended up at the workplace [if all he/she wanted was to be HOME?  This lack of MOTIVATION can be the biggest obstacle for us to reach and achieve our goals.  When MOTIVATION is either lacking or missing, identify what's causing you to struggle because you need to GET GOING📌📌📌

How about this?  Act AS IF you are MOTIVATED?  Try it, you may be able to pull a TRICK to yourself by thinking that you're motivated to change your behavior.  Try it, there's a probability that your actions may even change your emotions.  Let's picture ourselves.  Rather than be seated on the couch all day with your pajamas, GET DRESSED & GET MOVING❗❗❗

Picture this out [if this is pure FICTION or you have seen this happening to others [if NOT to yourself]].  When you're struggling with MOTIVATION, you'll likely come up with a long list of reasons WHY you should NOT take any action.  Suddenly, here you are telling yourself 'OH THAT's HARD'.  'OH, IT WON'T BE DONE ANYWAY'.  These types of thoughts will KEEP YOU STUCK, promise⏳⏳⏳

Now, try to ARGUE THE OPPOSITE.  When you think you'll FAIL, argue with yourself all the reasons WHY you will succeed. OR when you think you CAN'T finish a task, list all the evidences [to convince yourself] that you can indeed finish that task.  If you need to be hard to yourself for you to IGNITE your motivation, go for it, dude✅✅✅

FOCUS Causes 80% of Misses [and even Mishaps]

FOCUS Causes 80% of Misses [and even Mishaps]

Failed grades in school.  Wrong output at work.  Strained relationship with spouse and/or loved ones, businesses teetering and in the brink of bankruptcy.  Driving snags hit on the way from office to work.  Or long-haul drive resulting in an accident This sampling can go on and on but again, FOCUS Causes 80% of Misses and that includes this sampling of exceptions.  Strange but all these share its commonality to a lost or weakened FOCUS💊💊💊

Oh oh oh, in our lives, many of our own problems can be traced back to our own UNDOING.  Driving as an example.  Despite all of the new safety technology in cars.  statistics from the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration [NHTSA]show that 94%  of car accidents are related to the driver.  But hold on, our thread today is not just about driving accidents being caused by lost, weakened or impaired FOCUS but we'd like to peruse the various common day-to-day problems FOCUS seems to be impacting in our daily lives💎💎💎

The 'mother of all ironies' is that even in the workplace, losing FOCUS is really NOT always caused by 'lazy dogs'.  Surely, you have come across in the workplace those workaholic colleagues who'd be multi-tasking from 800am till 500pm. those colleagues who would even skip tea-breaks, those folks who would go for their 'bladder break' only when they have pushed it way too far and they CAN'T handle it anymore.  So, this is a nightmare to discover and uncork if despite one's 'workaholism', you would end up missing your target deliverables simply because you lost FOCUS [because you ended up being spread thinly across⏳⏳⏳

So, isn't this a very exasperating realization?  That when FOCUS does NOT happen in a FOCUSED manner, this dilemma cuts across practically every facet of our daily life, be it as minute as driving or as essential as performing your daily work at the workplace.  So WHAT'S our FIX for this?  We got to realize that FOCUS does NOT entail any overhead COSTS.  Simply get FOCUSED 📌📌📌

Even figuring out as to what causes one to lose or compromise focus is, after all, a no-brainer.  This reminds of the high-end IBM CPU processors marketed as MPP's [Massive Parallel Processors] but do you know that even MPP's execute its multi-threading PER THREAD?  So, what's the common denominator of both us humans and technology?  We can only execute one task at a time.  Think about FOCUS causing 80% of misses✅✅✅

Reading The Ball Off The Ball

Reading The Ball Off The Ball

Many of us get it so wrongly.  Many [wrongly] think [until today] that we got to have that 'EYES TO THE BALL' because our whole life revolves around that ball.  They got this absolutely wrong because in life, it constantly revolves even without the ball in proximity.  In NBA basketball jargon, the best bench tacticians are so focused in Reading The Ball Off The Ball because by the time that ball gets right within you, time could be so fleeting, before you know it, it's OVER before you thought it has NOT started yet.  Those are the fatal stories that end up prematurely all in flames because they failed to Read The Ball Off The Ball✅✅✅

In the competitive world of sports, the very core of the trainings zero-in to Read The Ball Off The Ball.  Breaking this colloquialism in the simplest terms, this means that we need to be STEP AHEAD and be able to paint all the possible iterations and scenarios so that whatever scenario happens, you have your scripted action plan.  To be a STEP AHEAD does NOT need gargantuan efforts, if at all.  This is all about being proactive and pre-emptive before thing turn south💎💎💎

Off the ball means constantly plotting things out WAY BEFORE D-Day comes.  It means plotting an action plan that covers Scenario A, B and even C.  It means planning based on a list of WHAT IFs. And those WHAT IFs must revolve around the pitfalls and risks that may happen ahead of what you expect.  By Reading The Ball Off The Ball, you draw that parallelism to the great chess grandmasters who spend even an hour or more to list each possible iteration and craft a plan of action based on assumptions.  When and if a 1st assumption ends up wrongly, there must be a 2nd set of assumptions, a 3rd set and even a 4th set📌📌📌

In the world of soccer sports, 80% of their trainings are designed OFF THE BALL.  WHY?  Because in the real game, 80% of the time, the soccer player does NOT have the ball.  So, he has to run circles even to test his stamina.  In the grueling NBA games, a player can NEVER be stationary, else the coach can bring you back to the bench to warm things all over again.  start Reading The Ball Off The Ball dude because there's no other way for you to go❗❗❗

Oh yes, this is a given, that indeed, BALL IS LIFE but that's not enough for us to fathom.  We got to extend life before it gets snapped and at best, we need to pre-empt multifarious UNKNOWNS based on KNOWN assumptions. Common lesson here is that life is very IFFFFY and if you end up a step behind unfolding events in life, you could be dead in the water unless you Read The Ball Off The Ball⏳⏳⏳

That STEEP Road To Recovery

That STEEP Road To Recovery

Anyone there who can mentor us to avoid FAILURES?  No way, Jose.  The roads we're travelling are peppered with trenches and foxholes a.k.a. PITFALLS.  Sooner or later, everyone FAILS at something.  But does everyone really learn from their FAILURES?  Sadly, so many studies have shown that most people struggled to grow from mistakes and defeats.  Psychologists proved that most of us 'UNDERLEARN' from each FAILURE in our respective lives.  Talking about That STEEP Road To Recovery📌📌📌

Effectively, experts are telling us that WE tend to avoid the LESSONS in FAILURE.  Reality however is that FAILURE indeed bruises our ego. that metaphorical seat of our SELF-ESTEEM and importance.  When we FAIL, we feel threatened and that sense of threat can trigger a 'FIGHT or FLIGHT' response 'FIGHT' in the context of FAILURE looks like a wholesale dismissal of our value of the task or criticism⏳⏳⏳

Whereas, 'FLIGHT' might be the more common response to FAILURE.  When we flee FAILURE, we disengage our attention from the task that threatens our sense of ourselves as effective people.  The challenge we have at hand is removing that EGO from FAILURE as much as possible by looking at other people's failures first before you take on a task yourself.  In simpler terms, if you want to learn how to SKI or SWIM, it makes to sense to watch videos of people making mistakes before you hit the slopes or dip into the waters💎💎💎

If negative emotions are getting in the way of your understanding, experts recommend SELF-DISTANCING TECHNIQUES.  This involves thinking of your personal experience from the outside perspective of a neutral third party. Like WHY DID HE FAIL instead of WHY DID I FAIL?  Research shows that when people adopt a SELF-DISTANCED perspective while discussing a difficult event in life, they make better sense of their reactions and end up experiencing less emotional distress and display fewer psychological signs of stress.  In the long-term, they also experience reduced reactivity when remembering the same problematic event💊💊💊

Ooooooops, experts encourage us to SHARE OUR OWN FAILURE STORY.  But human nature dictates that we hide our own FAILURES [out of a sense of shame] but there are ways to turn FAILURE into SUCCESS by transforming it into a story of growth.  Topping our bucket list is to RECOGNIZE our SUCCESSES.  There are many ways to shore up our own ego. Now what comes next?  THINK BEYOND FAILURE.  Beyond that emotional challenge to our ego, FAILURE also presents a cognitive challenge, meaning that information from FAILURE can be harder to process than successful experiences.  Indeed, THAT STEEP ROAD TO RECOVERY may seem so far and unachievable.  But we got to roll with the punches, dude❗❗❗

The Odds of Winning That Giant Stuffed Panda

The Odds of Winning That Giant Stuffed Panda

Surely, everyone of us have been to either a carnival or a leisure/gaming zone offering tons of games and that includes bringing hom te the bacon [that Giant Stuffed Panda] if your sot is 'spot on'  But do we agree that The Odds of Winning That Giant Stuffed Panda is so low such that it's very likely you will run out of tokens till you 'TOP UP' and 'TOP UP' till you run out of pennies.  Surely many of us [and that includes me several times in the past] tend to be so enamored with the glittering prize at the end of the road.  Problem is the probability of winning over the prized reward was NEVER assessed.  Hence, more often we often find ourselves STUCK IN THE MUD.  No thanks to The Odds of Winning That Giant Stuffed Panda📌📌📌

I grabbed this poster because I thought this says it all.  And this tells us that it's all in our MINDSET.  While we WON'T has 0% probability of SUCCESS.  Once you WANT, that probability shoots up to 40% and once you commit by stating "I AM", that probability comes close to 100% not until you access SUCCESS.  What this tells us, we will CHART OUR COURSE, and no one else❗❗❗

What this all tells us is that the chance of SUCCESS affects the effort people put in.  And many of the things you do in life can be improved with additional effort.  In school, spending more time on a report is likely to lead to a better academic grade.  At work, you might enlist the HELP of a team member to look over a presentation to increase the chance that you'll succeed in landing a client.  Doing another workout might make you more likely to win✅✅✅

So, what FACTORS lead us to put in that EXTRA effort to engage additional resources to improve your chances of SUCCESS?  Many studies have shown that a lot of the dependencies in life are outcome-based.  And when one decides to put in more effort to increase his chances of winning, that probability of winning increases.  As an 'ICING ON THE CAKE', people of such mindset would put in MORE effort overall to win a larger prize instead of the small ones💎💎💎

The combination of results reflects that people will feel better if they win than if they DON'T [so they put in MORE effort when the chances of winning are already high] and they feel better winning a larger prize than a small prize.  Our safe conclusion here is that we often focus on the OUTCOMES of our efforts rather than on the process for achieving a goal.  So, are you still hell-bent of Winning that giant-stuffed panda❓❓❓

When ENVY Rears Its UGLY Head

When ENVY Rears Its UGLY Head

Generally, we are NOT that envious BUT When does ENVY Rears Its UGLY Head is what matters most because we need to figure out the CAUSE of this EFFECT.  And generally, what CAUSES us to ENVY others is when we start comparing our own self to others.  Nothing wrong admiring what they have, their fashion, their accessories, their car BUT be cautious if you are breaching the borderline IF/WHEN you start comparing yourself to them💎💎💎

It was Monday morning, now you're back to work and as your email InBox got updated, you received that mail notification that your friend/classmate way back university is now a Vice Pres in a global bank.  By coincidence, you were recently laid off from your last job.  Instantly, you feel RESENTFUL.  And you might start questioning things like WHY the trajectories of your friend's career is opposite yours?  Oh oh, while it's true that studies show 75% of us are indeed envious of others, let us realize that comparing ourselves to others can leave us feeling anxious and FRUSTRATED.  But that does NOT help us at all in life📌📌📌

Now let's focus how to put a STOP to this 'JEALOUSY GAME'.  Identify the triggers of ENVY.  Is it when you scroll through LINKEDIN?  Or is it when you hear your friend BRAGGING about her salary increase?  Use such observations to learn about yourself.  Then make a list of WHO and WHAT you frequently ENVY or COMPARE yourself to. Write down how it impacts you and resolve to be more VIGILANT so you can pre-empt yourself in the future⏳⏳⏳

Back in my early school life, I had a classmate who was perennially entrenched as the #1 in our grade level [across 5 to 6 sections per grade] and initially I was really ENVY because he was so consistently entrenched as our #1 from Grade 1 till we graduated Grade 6 till we went to High School.  BUT in a timely manner, I realized that I should be THANKFUL instead if I was receiving 2nd Honors [versus 1st Honors] because I was still at the top tier of our class/  So, what I did then was to FOCUS on my strengths.  I even made a list of my achievements [and I realized that record was NOT bad]❗❗❗

But hold on, there will always be that COMPETITION.  WHY?  Because you DON'T live in your own world.  And that can be helpful wherein you will view people with ENVY as allies rather than as a threat.  If you avoid people that trigger self-comparison, you may miss out on how those successful people can help you.  So, there you are, draw that inspiration from the successes of others instead of getting dragged negatively.  Think about of things you can learn from them and you can even approach them and seek their advice as to how they did it.  In the end, they can be part of your INSPIRATION.  It's NOT too late to avoid when ENVY rears its UGLY HEAD✅✅✅

Odds Are Just A Number

Odds Are Just A Number

Analytics is a huge business [In 2021, it was valued at US$ 93.08 billion and expected to grow to US$137.51 by 2026.  So, it should NOT surprise us if anywhere, we hear odds are being pegged based on analytics data.  Case in point.  In the ongoing NBA Championships, the underdog Miami Heat Team was given a 3% chance to hurdle the Milwaukee Bucks, then the same 3% chance to hurdle its next opponent, the New York Knicks and the same 3% chance to beat the Boston Celtics.  To cut the long story short, we better throw away on the window all those analytics because today, the Miami Heat plays the Denver Nuggets for the NBA Championship.  Indeed, Odds Are Just A Number❗❗❗

Though 'WHAT ARE THE ODDS' is pretty much the catchphrase of coincidences, a coincidence is NOT just something that was unlikely to happen . The overstuffed crate labeled 'coincidences' is packed with an amazing variety of experiences and yet something more than rarity compels us to group them together.  They have a similar texture, a feeling that the FABRIC of LIFE has rippled.  The question is where this feeling comes from, why we notice certain ways the threads of our lives collide💎💎💎

So, where does this leave us?  How far should we cling and embrace all those analytics?  My 2-cents is this:  Let us accept analytics based on its face value, period.  Beyond that, let us NOT leave our face to analytics.  Ask Jimmy Butler, the Miami Heat superstar.  Ask the respected Miami Heat President Pat Riley and its Fil-Am Coach Erik Spoelstra, not one within that troika and the Miami Heat organization will ever be glued at those analytics⏳⏳⏳

Swinging back to our lives, first hand I have seen people using those odds as their very reason [a.k.a. alibi] to lazily target for a goal.  Heard these one-liners:  OH NO, I HATE THAT COURSE, IT WON'T PAY MUCH.... I DON'T CARE TO STUDY HARD IN THAT SUBJECT BECAUSE THE ODDS ARE AGAINST ME.... THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO WITH MY DWINDLING SALES NOW BECAUSE THE ODDS ARE AGAINST US📌📌📌

What's our FIX?  Oh Oh, success rarely comes without any challenges or hurdles.  It is far too common to see people succeeding after a reasonable delay.  So, what's so special about inspiring success stories?  How do we succeed when fighting against the odds?  What should we NOT do?  DON'T give up easily when the going gets tough because of that FEAR of FAILURE.  We all come across a point in our lives when we fail multiple times but I assure you, one day you will overcome the odds because ODDS ARE JUST A NUMBER✅✅✅