Coping With CHANGE

Coping With CHANGE

The one constant in life is CHANGE.  That DOESN'T mean we ever get used to it or fully embrace it, though.  Realistically, Coping With CHANGE should NOT be a 'BIG DEAL' unless it's game-changing, life-changing.  Regardless of the severity and unpredictability of a CHANGE, there are basics and fundamentals that can help us become more ready and resilient in the face of Coping With CHANGE💴💷💵

Sometimes, we get so caught up in fighting CHANGE that we tend to put off actually dealing with it.  Denial is really a powerful force and it protects us in many ways.  However, stepping outside of it and saying to yourself "THINGS ARE CHANGING AND IT IS OKAY" can be less stressful than putting it off📙📘📗

Now and then, even GOOD CHANGE happens but even then, it causes stress.  Sometimes when people go through a positive life CHANGE, such as graduating or having a baby, they still feel a great deal of stress.  We have to bear in mind that POSITIVE CHANGE can create stress just like NOT-SO-SENTIVE CHANGE.  Stress is just our body's way of reacting to CHANGE.  Now, when CHANGE happens in the middle of your daily life, the most important thing is to STICK TO YOUR SCHEDULE💎💎💎

And when CHANGE happens, a lot of us tend to reach for carbs, like bread, muffins, cake.  This may be because eating carbs boosts serotonin, a brain chemical that may be somewhat depleted when one undergoes CHANGE.  And it is fine to soothe oneself with comfort foods [in moderation].  And notice if one is experiencing an increased use of alcohol or other substances when we are under stress❌❌❌

And DON'T ignore your support structure.  No one gets through life alone.  It is okay to ask for help.  Never miss out your family members, your trusted friends.  Chances are that they are happy to help if you need them to watch you while you run errands OR if you need some 'ALONE TIME'.  Most importantly, write down the POSITIVES that have come from this CHANGE.  CHANGE presents us with the opportunity to grow and it's important to acknowledge how things have become.  COPING WITH CHANGE is no rocket science but we got to do it in earnest❗❗❗

Self-Acceptance Is A MUST-DO

Self-Acceptance Is A MUST-DO

Though related, Self-Acceptance is NOT the same as Self-Esteem.  Whereas Self-Esteem refers to specifically to something valuable or worthwhile we see ourselves. Self-Acceptance alludes to a far more global affirmation of one self.  When we are self-accepting, we're able to embrace all facets of ourselves, NOT just the positive parts.  As such, Self-Acceptance is unconditional💴💷💵

Expectedly, we should be able to recognize our weaknesses, our limitations BUT that awareness in NO way interferes with out ability to fully accept ourselves.  Challenge for us is to determine our Self-Acceptance in the first place.  In general, similar to Self-Esteem, as children we're able to accept ourselves only to the degree we feel accepted by our parents.  Studies have shown that before the age of eight, we lack the ability to formulate a clear sense of self📗📙📘

Given how the human psyche operates, it is almost impossible NOT to parent ourselves similar to how we were parented originally.  If our caretakers dealt with us in a hurtful manner, as adults we'll find all kinds of ways to perpetuate that unresolved pain onto ourselves.  And if we were frequently ignored, berated, blamed or worst, physically punished, we'll somehow continue this Self-Dignity💎💎💎

So, IF and WHEN we 'beat ourselves', we're typically just following our parents' lead.  Having to depend so much on them when we were young and thus experiencing little authority to actually question their mixed verdict on us, we felt pretty much obliged to accept their negative appraisals as valid.  They constantly put us down BUT historically it is well known that parents are far more likely to let us know when we do something that bothers them than to acknowledge us for our behaviors❎❎❎

So, how do we become more Self-Accepting?
In the shortest words I can recall from experts, we need to cultivate Self-Compassion, letting go of guilt and learning to forgive ourselves.  Accepting ourselves unconditionally would have been almost automatic had our parents conveyed a more predominantly positive message about us BUT if that's NOT the case, we need on our own to 'CERTIFY' ourselves to validate our essential OK-ness.  Indeed, Self-Acceptance is a MUST-DO❗❗❗

Quantity Beats Quality? Not So Fast.

Quantity Beats Quality?  Not So Fast.

Quantity Beats Quality?  Not So Fast.  The late NBA Great KOBE BRYANT was developing his jumper during the offseason, making 2,000 shots a day.  NOT taking.  MAKING.  And this reminds me of a simple general principle to operate by, especially for those of us in a working career, that is, QUANTITY TRUMPS QUALITY.  Let me qualify my thoughts here.  QUANTITY should be a higher priority than QUALITY because it leads to higher QUALITY.  The shorter the path to maximized QUALITY, and executing on the feedback after each finished product📌📌📌

Accomplished author David Bayles shared about an experiment wherein he tested his class, with those on left side of the class, would be graded solely on the QUANTITY of work they produced while all those on the right, will be graded solely on QUALITY and his procedure was fairly simple.  On the final day of the class, he would bring in his bathroom scales and weigh the work of the "QUANTITY" group, 50 pounds of pots rated 'A', 40 pounds a 'B' and so on.  For the 'QUALITY' group, they needed to produce only one pot, albeit a perfect one, to get an 'A'📗📙📘

Came grading time and a curious fact emerged.  The works of the 'QUANTITY' group was busily churning out piles of work [and learning from their mistakes] while the 'QUALITY' group had sat, theorizing about PERFECTION, and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay💎💎💎

A surprising but consistent finding among researchers is that the greatest innovators, artists and thinkers DON'T have a better ratio of good ideas to bad ideas than the rest of us.  BUT the difference lies on the fact that they had MORE ideas.  And the end result?  They end up with a greater number of GOOD ideas.  So, a simple way to begin to improve our creative output is to switch focus, from QUALITY to QUANTITY.  Truth is, you have way MORE ideas in you than you think you do.  And those EARLY ideas you need to get out of the way, as they're likely to be conventional✅✅✅

Let's face it.  Assuming I pick someone who's either a lemon OR mediocre but he processes 100 transactions per hour with an error rate of 1-2%.  And let's assume your TOP QUALITY guy is really tops in terms of QUALITY but he processes 10 transactions per hour.  Where would you bet?  Hands down, QUANTITY BEATS QUALITY❗❗❗

[PHISHING SECURITY ALERT] S$ 446,000 Lost In 2 Weeks of DECEMBER

For our thread today, allow me to veer away from our popular threads of interests to interject this PHISHING SECURITY ALERT because within a two-week period in DECEMBER 2023, customers of one of the biggest banks in Singapore lost approximately S$ 446,000, all because of PHISHING.  Of course, there is NOTHING NEW about PHISHING as we have covered our grounds quite several times on this [NOTE:  These incidents were investigated & confirmed that the bank is NOT culpable]📗📙📘

I myself, I received at least two SMS messages last December, purportedly advising me that 'YOUR DELIVERY IS ON HOLD. PLEASE CLICK THIS'.  It was as simple as that.  WHAT action did I take?  IGNORE it, period.  WHY?  Once you CLICK a link sent to you, either via email or via SMS, God knows what will happen next.  Try CLICKING it and the device you used will be tagged from thereon💵💴💷

For a quick debrief, people WHO attempt PHISHING attacks are usually a group of professionals [NOTE, they are PROFESSIONALS] running ILLEGAL operations.  And WHEN calling OR sending emails to customers or victims, the hackers take a common approach of asking to help customers RESET or UPDATE their banking data by asking for login OR other personal information.  And that can be done by CLICKING on a link or verifying personal information over the phone to an automated call or live individual📌📌📌

So, HOW can you really PREVENT PHISHING?  People are easily enticed to CLICK on links that seems either exciting, worrisome OR inquisitive.  DON'T be easily provoked to CLICK on any links until you consider WHO is the email or SMS sender + WHAT is the intent  + WHERE the links OR instructions are asking you to go❎❎❎

So HOW?

• CHECK THE SOURCE [of the email or SMS]
• VALIDATE THE LINK [call hotline if you can't]
• DETERMINE THE PURPOSE [of email or SMS]
• CHECK FOR ERRORS [in the email or SMS]
• REPORT SUSPICIONS IMMEDIATELY

These are no-brainers, dude.  To be forewarned is to be forearmed❗❗❗

When To HALT DECISIONS

When To HALT DECISIONS

Borrowing this cover page from reknown Australian transformation coach and author Emma Queen, what her cover tells us when we're either HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED, that is the time for us to HALT DECISIONS.  Results from studies show that we should avoid making important decisions on an empty stomach, literally speaking as that hunger significantly altered people's decision-making, making them impatient and more likely to settle for a small reward that arrives sooner than a larger one promised at a later date📗📙📘

There was an experiment designed by neuroscientists wherein respondents were asked questions relating to food, money, and other rewards when satiated and again when they had skipped a meal.  The results show that while it was NOT surprising that hungry people were more likely to settle for smaller food incentives that arrived sooner, the researchers found that being hungry actually changes preferences for rewards entirely unrelated to food.  So, there was a large effect on people's preferences💴💵💷

That study indicates that a reluctance to defer gratification may carry over into other kinds of decision, even on financial and interpersonal ones.  So, it is really imperative for us to be aware that hunger might affect our preferences in ways we DON'T necessarily anticipate or predict.  There is even a lurking danger for people experiencing hunger due to poverty may make decisions that entrench their situation💎💎💎

Emma Queen's studies went a step farther than those researches because she highlighted that besides being hungry, even anger, loneliness or being tired are factors that are as impactful to decisions as being hungry.  Further, the studies show that there was a large effect as people's preferences shifted dramatically from the long-term to the short-term when hungry❎❎❎

These results fit well into a larger effort in psychology to map the factors that influence our DECISION MAKING.  This potentially empowers people as they may foresee and mitigate the effects of being HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED.  Those are the times when we should HALT DECISIONS, holding it in abeyance❗❗❗

Oh, Life Is NOT A Sprint. It Is A Marathon!

Oh, Life Is NOT A Sprint.  It Is A Marathon!

These days, let's accept the reality that we are all playing a high stakes game of ONE AND DONE.  WHICH means, we have exactly one life to do everything we can ever do.  There will be NO do-overs, NOT even second chances.  It's either we use this life well OR lose it.  Oh, Life Is NOT A Sprint.  It Is A Marathon!  It's indeed a tough job separating truth from legend.  Even the breakthroughs in life seem to question conventional beliefs💴💷💵

Having said that, please DON'T get me wrong.  The fact that life is a marathon does NOT tell us to procrastinate, excuse-making and all kinds of diversionary behavior which will only succeed to sabotage our chances of accelerating our results and enjoy the massively abundant fruits of life, fruits of our labor📗📙📘

Much as we were guided in life to sit still.  Stand in line.  Keep your head down.  Follow the rules.  Do as we're told.  Play it safe.  DON'T risk it.  Wait your turn.  Ask permission.  Slow down.  BUT much as I subscribe that LIFE IS NOT A SPRINT, I firmly believe that within the marathon, life is a series of HIGH-PERFORMANCE SPRINTS💎💎💎

Let's face it.  We live in a world of accelerated change and exponential growth.  Technology is multiplying our capabilities as a civilization.  YET, too many of us seem to operate with antiquated beliefs, outdated tactics and even inferior execution skills.  Rather than adapt to the demands of change and accept the idea that we should push for HIGH-PERFORMANCE SPRINTS, a vast majority still resists and even reject the need for CHANGE❎❎❎

Yet, we look closely at the landscape across, we'll find a small group of people who refuse to think and act like the masses.  They are the non-conformist who buck the system, who question conventional belief and as a result, wind up doing extraordinary things in an implausibly short amount of time.  BUT we should have a fair chance similar to the SUCCESS STORIES we hear around✅✅✅

Step YES, Step NO

Step YES, Step NO

Hearing Step YES, Step NO reminds me of children long time back when there were no gadgets, no internet.  Fast forward to today, we live in the midst of technologies and unabated social media apps all around us.  NOT to blame technology and social media, BUT let's face it, they are a major influence with us creating our own COMFORT ZONEs💴💷💵

Let's face it, each of us has our own COMFORT ZONEs which, more than actual place, is a psychological/emotional/behavioral construct that defines the routine of our daily life.  Being in one's COMFORT ZONEs implies familiarity, safety and security.  It described the 'patterned world' of our existence, keeps us relatively comfortable and calm, and helps us stay emotionally even, free from anxiety and worry to a great degree📗📙📘

Creating a COMFORT ZONE is a health adaptation for much of our lives.  BUT so is stepping out of our COMFORT ZONE when it's time TO transition, TO grow, TO transform.  In fact, experiencing a little stress and anxiety now and then is a good thing too.  If all you ever do is stay wrapped in your little cocoon, keeping warm and cozy, you may be missing out on a lot, like NEW experiences, NEW challenges, and risks💎💎💎

And looking at the bigger picture, if you CAN'T step out of your COMFORT ZONE, you may experience difficult making CHANGE or transitioning, growing, and ultimately transforming.  In the shortest words, all those things that define WHO you are and give your life meaning.  Simply put, WHAT we fear most about challenging ourselves is that we may fail and/or even get hurt.  BUT most of us have the ability to rise to the occasion, overcome hurdles and actually succeed in accomplishing something new and challenging enough❗❗❗

Definitely there will be DISRUPTIONS in our life [just like that Covid pandemic] and that should lead us to really serious soul-searching as we need to learn to see the world in some very new ways.  So, let's throw away the window the old ways of STEP YES, STEP NO because our 'REAL LIFE' awaits us when we step out of our own COMFORT ZONEs✅✅✅

Flux Mindset, Anyone

Flux Mindset, Anyone

In the 'turbulent' world we live in now, everyone of us need to put more focus to improve our tolerance for UNCERTAINTY and that ability to embrace CHANGE in all its forms at all levels.  BTW, this is NOT just for organizations.  We as individuals just CAN'T afford to ignore or NOT invest in terms of effort to prepare us with a Flux Mindset, that state of confusion, dread and imbalance borne out of a lack of control, even economic upheavals, existential threats, rapidly evolving technologies, the fierce WAR FOR TALENT, work-life stresses, and even mental health crises.  Plug in the full-blown war between Israel and the Palestinians, we now have the recipe for a Flux Mindset💴💷💵

This laundry list of factors would leave us at a loss how to tackle the slew of issues we're facing, mired in the midst of anxieties, incapable of even inching forward.  By itself, this is a complicated set of dynamics to address given both the slew of factors and the importance of given people's lives are at stake📗📙📘

BUT, there is OPPORTUNITY IN CHAOS. and studies show that we can endeavor to develop that Flux Mindset in which CHANGE is NOT seen as inherently frightening, and uncertainty leads to less stress.  This leads to personal benefits so we can experience less fatigue.  This UNCERTAINTY will always be around us and much of what lies ahead in life remains uncertain.  Yet, as human beings, we crave for security.  We want to feel safe and have a sense of control over our lives and well-being💎💎💎

FEAR and UNCERTAINTY can leave us feeling stressed, anxious and sometimes powerless over the direction of our life.  It can drain us emotionally and trap us in a downward spiral of endless "WHAT IFs" and worse-case scenarios about what tomorrow may bring.  True, we're all different in HOW much UNCERTAINTY we can tolerate in our life💊💊💊

Some people seem to enjoy taking risks and living unpredictable lives [I'm NOT that one, though].  While others find the randomness of life deeply distressing [I'm NOT distressed either].  Bottom line is to take earnest, serious efforts to better deal with UNCONTROLLABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, alleviate our anxiety and face the unknown with more confidence.  That's a FLUX MINDSET❗❗❗

CONFIDENCE - You USE It Or LOSE It

CONFIDENCE - You USE It Or LOSE It

People like people with CONFIDENCE.  Would you agree with my statement that EVEN IF people are spouting complete nonsense, say it CONFIDENTLY and people are more likely to believe it.  It's NOT fair BUT that's the thing.  With CONFIDENCE, USE It Or LOSE It.  The fact of life is that most people live n a restricted circle of potential.  And studies show that the reason many people NEVER fulfill their potential is NOT a lack of intelligence, opportunity OR resources, BUT a lack of belief in themselves.  OR put another way, too little SELF-CONFIDENCE.  Without it, you can do little📗📙📘

BUT what is CONFIDENCE anyway?  Often, people think of CONFIDENCE as something that the lucky few are born with and the rest are left wishing for.  NOT TRUE.  CONFIDENCE is NOT a fixed attribute. Instead, it is the outcome of the thoughts we think and the actions we take.  NO more.  NO less.  It is NOT even based on your actual ability to succeed at a task but your BELIEF you ability to succeed💷💵💴

Let's rattle off concrete examples of BELIEF:

• Your BELIEF to speak in front an audience
• Your BELIEF to learn a new skill/knowledge
• Your BELIEF to lead a team to achieve a goal
• Your BELIEF to handle & manage conflict
• Your BELIEF to change job if you need to
• Your BELIEF to exit a relationship if indeed
• Your BELIEF to go outside your comfort zone

For the longest time, it has been established that the BELIEFS we hold, TRUE or NOT, direct our actions and shape our lives.  The GOOD news is that new studies reveal that we can literally REWIRE our brains in ways that affect our thoughts and behavior at any age.  WHICH means that NO matter how timid OR doubt-laden you've been up to now, building that SELF-CONFIDENCE which in psychology jargon is called VOLITIONAL.  In layman's terms, it is called BY CHOICE✅✅✅

With consistent effort and that COURAGE to take risk, trust me, we can gradually expand our own CONFIDENCE.  And with it, our capacity to build more of it.  But be warned that CONFIDENCE can wax and wane throughout our lives.  It is boosted when we experience a win or receive a prize.  It takes a HIT when our efforts fall short of the mark OR when we're criticized OR when we simply feel a lack of external recognition.  There you go, you got that CONFIDENCE which either you USE it OR you LOSE it❌❌❌

What 2024 Brings You

What 2024 Brings You

As we did bid adieu to 2023 and welcomed 2024, likely some of us are so engrossed browsing and searching for those pieces of GOOD TIDINGS we can hear from our favorite astrologer's Zodiac sign forecasts.  And there's NOTHING wrong with that BUT What 2024 Brings You does NOT hinge as to WHAT is in store for us in 2024 on the basis of the Zodiac sign forecasts BUT instead, the bigger question looking all over us is HOW and WHAT should we do to prepare ourselves when 2024 kicks in.  So, with due courtesy to our Zodiac sign followers, let's refocus back the lens to us because WHAT 2024 BRINGS you hinges significantly on WHAT and HOW  will you bring 2024 over to you💵💴💷

Let's start off with your MINDSET.  Clear your distractions.  Create a plan and focus on it.  Create a roadmap for yourself covering 2024.  Set a few handful major GOALS [DON'T come up with a long list of GOALS not realistic to be achieved].  And lastly, convince your brain to FOCUS only on those handful of major GOALS, preferably NO MORE THAN 3 major GOALS.  And consider HEALTH as 1 of your major GOALS.  That leaves you with 2 major GOALS to achieve realistically in 2024📗📙📘

Besides NOT being held 'hostage' by the Zodiac-based forecasts, enough in managing your TIME.  TIME to manage your ENERGY LEVELS.  Are you an early riser?  OR a night owl?  NOT just finding out your optimum energy level, BUT more importantly, knowing HOW to boost your energy WHEN you're down is imperative to note.  Anything else?  Clear the CLUTTER around you, that's physically, mentally and even digitally❎❎❎

Thing is, removing everything that you know will cause DISTRACTIONS in you, whether in your personal life OR work life.  Maybe it's the unnecessary tasks that have nothing to do with your path to reach your GOALS.  Unnecessary people WHO are not encouraging you.  Only keep things that you know will help to improve your FOCUS in life✅✅✅

What else?  CREATE a plan to take care of yourself.  Quit BAD habits.  Eat healthy food.  Sleep well.  Even better, CREATE a "HABIT TRACKER" of your 'NON-NEGOTIABLES' that are going to help you create a better life like, DUMP SMOKING, even vapes.  If possible, AVOID getting drunk due to excessive drinks.  REFLECT as well.  Learn more about yourself from the last year and pick up lessons from there and apply it this 2024.  Plus, learn a skill or two, to further equip yourself.  And lastly, UNFOLLOW all unimportant accounts on social media.  You should know better WHAT are the important accounts, obviously, your family, your trusted friends at the very least.  Our takeaway?  We should have a better handle as to WHAT 2024 BRINGS YOU❗❗❗