How To Deal With Dullness In Life

How To Deal With Dullness In Life

No dull moments in your life?  Sure not? Can't believe if one would proclaim that he/she has NO NEED To Deal With Dullness In Life because it's NOT happening in his life?  Truth is, the mechanical, dull and sorrow-filled life with occasional bouts of happiness proves that we live a very unconscious life and really have no idea what is happening in our lives.  We tend to GO WITH THE FLOW of life, ending up as victims of external situations without questioning WHY I AM LIVING this particular way.   Why can't we ask the most basic of most questions like WHY AM I ENROLLED IN THIS COURSE?  WHY DO I NEED TO EARN MONEY?  WHY SHOULD I MARRY [and start a family❓❓❓

Problem is, we never go to the very root and core of our existence and instead, mostly tend to take everything for granted and start whining when things WON'T shape us as we expected.  It seems that it never occurs in us to pose and question the meaning of life, WHY AM I HERE?  What's the purpose of this life journey I am now part of?  Once we start asking these basic questions, we won't be anymore staring into that state of DULLNESS IN LIFE⏳⏳⏳

So you might confront me, HOW DO WE LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE?  Let's aim to become conscious beings, know WHO WE ARE and WHAT IS HAPPENING in our lives and lastly, where is our life heading to.  Let us STOP living a 'MECHANICAL LIFE' that is nothing but shallow happiness and mostly a heavy mind burdened with stress, tension and recuringly [and more often] anxiety📌📌📌

Courtesy of International Islamic University, I grabbed this poster because it says a mouthful.  And I couldn't agree less, from this perspective, indeed, the Covid pandemic is a blessing in disguise.  Before I get bashed, please DON'T get me wrong.  I am NOT hoping for another cycle of that dreadful and dreaded pandemic.  But at hindsight, after we recovered our senses, this poster says it all.  And BTW, these are some of the FIXES to that dullness in life.  Being with our family, having more time for self-reflection, collaborating with our local communities.  This says it all💊💊💊

Now, instead of us ending up misguided and hoping that another pandemic hits us [noooo sirrrrrrs], think about it.  Ponder for a moment and ask yourself.  Is it TIME FOR CHANGE?  And before you get floored with this motherhood statement, prune it down, make it more specific because that will help you 'self-diagnose' your plight and likely you will find the FIX that is apt for you so you can deal with the dullness in life effectively💹💹💹

Look Before You Leap

Look Before You Leap

C'mon, I'll hear someone blurt once we start spending time about this piece "Look Before You Leap", that this is a no-brainer because everyone does LOOK BEFORE THEY LEAP.  However, I beg to defer sirrrrrrrrs because that is simply NOT TRUE.   From time to time, some of us [including myself a few times in the past] do LEAP WITHOUT LOOKING.  Let me rattle off such [recurring] cases which are happening more frequently than we ever thought📕📘📗

Factually, here are the circumstances when we tend NOT to LOOK BEFORE WE LEAP.  WHEN we have all the wrong assumptions.  WHEN we have the wrong facts.  WHEN our confidence went beyond the roof.  WHEN our cockiness got the better of us.  WHEN our sense of rationality and logic just fell in between cracks.  WHEN we decided to take an action beyond reason.  WHEN we totally trusted the words of assurance from another party to just follow his advice to the letter [and NOTHING WILL GO WRONG].  All these would caused you to fall down in that deep cliff.  No excuses though for such a deep fall📌📌📌

To be precise, LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP does NOT mean that you first THINK then JUMP.  No sirrrrs.  Instead, we must think of the consequences and then act.  Humans at times without thinking take hasty decisions that are ill-advised.  And, they end up with disastrous results.  As they say, before you plunge into the river, you must know how to swim.  And more importantly, one must know the depth and current of the water💊💊💊

We should have come across so many thoughts about all these.  But briefly, thinking deeply about every step in one's life will help us avoid unnecessary problems. When one acts without thinking hard about their actions, several problems can haunt you [and worst, till death].  As life is a bottomless pit that comes with NO SECOND CHANCES, never miss out on that old cliche 'HASTE MAKES WASTE'.  Rushing into anything without thoroughly planning is simply a sheer waste of of one's time and energy.  

Other culprits that cause us to take that leap WITHOUT LOOKING AROUND.  Sometimes our excuse is that we're simply running out of time.  Whew, that's baloney.  If TIME is the culprit, MAKE TIME, period.   Sometimes, we tend to buckle down from pressure.  And that pressure can come from all quarters.  And worst of the worst, that pressure may come from within us as we end up pressuring ourselves.  Folks, LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP❗❗❗

Surviving Sensitivity

Surviving Sensitivity

Who says we DON'T need to talk about Surviving Sensitivity because in the first place, we're not that sensitive, really?  Tell that to the marines.  Sorry folks, unless we're talking of someone under general anesthesia [and excluding medical conditions like being in comatose], NO ONE can ever deny that he/she remains sensitive in various ways because that's how we live life anyway⚓⚓⚓

Factor in emotions and you'll have an entirely new ballgame.  Criticism can be especially hard for highly sensitive people because we tend to try so hard and we care so much.  Eventually, it does normalize our experience to know we're NOT alone in how we experience things.  And while I myself would admit that I have developed some self-tools to handle criticism, I can still be impacted at times.  And that's when I feel the sting📗📘📙

Oh, factor-in REJECTION and you'll have a new ballgame.  But it's important to realize that criticisms are opinions, very much unique from person to person.  Even in terms of acceptance, one can be rejected by someone but wholly and unconditionally accepted by another one.  Obviously, things can get subjective but that's another thread for another day for us to tackle💊💊💊

So, there's nothing wrong at all to be a HSP [highly sensitive person] because a 20% plurality of us are indeed HSP's.  Like most personality traits, being highly sensitive is a gift but it comes along with challenges as well.  Due to the lack of understanding around being sensitive, many HSP's can feel that there is something wrong with them feeling the way they do.  However, there are also many HSP's who thrive in the bustling world we live in today.

But the most common advice we hear from clinical psychologists is that we should get rid of preconceptions.  As an HSP, it is important you understand what being highly sensitive means and even more importantly, what it means to you,  Regretfully, many HSP's are mis-labelled as shy or introverts.  Yet, studies show that 30% of HSP's are actually extroverts.  And I personally know an introvert who lives his life like an extrovert because he's an introvert.  Just another smart way of surviving sensitivity✅✅✅

When You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH

When You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH

How often do you end up When You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH whether on a task you just performed or something you had to undertake?  I did toss up this question before and some blurted that never in their life they ever felt NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  And my curt reaction was 'REALLY'?  So, I said if that's the case, one could be someone 'near perfect' to the extent he/she hardly caused any miscues along the way📌📌📌

Let's get to the possible root causes as to why sometimes You Feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  Do you have those 'CORE BELIEFS' running the show?  Just like a pre-schooler who's always with the parent going to and from school but when one day the parent is a 'NO SHOW', the pre-schooler feels somehow abandoned?  OR when your 'INNER VOICE' is quite critical and to some extent, judgmental?  As they say, MINDFULNESS is a wonderful technique for showing god enough to hear your thoughts clearly.  It is about listening and letting go to thoughts without judgment💊💊💊

OR when you had demandingor aloof parents that left you feeling NOT GOOD ENOUGH?  You may have had a 'good childhood' living in a nice house and you ended up NEVER WANTING ANYTHING. But if your parents always wanted you to be better than what you are, asking you to be SMARTER, quieter or sportier, or if they favored another sibling⏳⏳⏳

Whatever the real score is, the message is that you were not GOOD ENOUGH.  Too bad because as children, we naturally seek approval and love.  Unknowingly, we learn to SUFFOCATE our real personality and become that 'good child' at the price of turning into an adult who never feels a sense of worth.  Or in some unfortunate cases, the parents were just unable to provide the child that environment good enough for you as a child📌📌📌

Or probably, as a kid, you didn't get that enough 'attachment'?  Which is a harsh reality these days when a working couple only has a caregiver to take care of the kids when they're at work [which is understandable] but note that that 'unconditional love' of a parent will be surely missing in the equation?  Bottom line is for us to have the awareness so that we can overcome things WHEN YOU FEEL NOT GOOD ENOUGH📗📗📗

Satisfaction Waxes and Wanes

Satisfaction Waxes and Wanes

Not to spoil your New Year but here's a gentle reminder before 2023 goes in full throttle.  As our Satisfaction Waxes and Wanes, we might end up moving goal posts from time to time this year.

DON'T look farther than the fries you tend to crave [whether it's from Burger King or from the Australia Franchisee, that's Hungry Jack's].  Regardless, when one craves for that tempting french fries, you would look for its FRESHNESS.  When it's FRESH, you'll look for its SALTINESS.  Then its CRISPYNESS.  That vicious cycle will go on unabated because that's where we humans are caught up in life. With nothing or with barely anything, we'll aim for the most basic things in life, till our satisfaction WAXES before it WANES📗📗📗

In life, this all boils down to the loggerheads between REALISM and IDEALISM.  Besides our insatiable desires, we humans tend to be so driven with IDEALISM, not realizing that we can live with something that is less than IDEAL.  Years back when I was in my consulting work based in Mumbai, I had to vociferously convince my client CIO that that IDEAL solution will take light years to come into fruition.  He then caved in💹💹💹

Not to shoot down your motivation level, I've seen people who seemed to be knocked off because they kept waiting for their IDEAL solution to shape up.  Till they just got knocked off by stubbornly waiting with stretched patience.  Unfortunately, while in the past I kept harping that indeed patience and persistence do pay off, that doesn't run true for MISPLACED patience and MISGUIDED persistence.  You just DON'T remain patient for the heck of it.  Neither do you persist if you are at loggerheads with either an immovable force or object.  Way to go is find a workaround, circumvent, go around that road blocker no less💹💹💹

Don't look farther than the flock of birds perched along those wires up there.  Studies have shown that even amongst birds, SATISFACTION WAXES and WANES.  And akin to humans, 99% of them end up with the same fate, except for that 1%.  And that's exactly what's happening whether it is in EU, in the Americas or even in Asia.  Studies all point to that 1% success rates to achieve goals because the remaining 99% get stalled💎💎💎 

Are You Just A Spoke Of The Wheel ?

Are You Just A Spoke Of The Wheel ?

Are You Just A Spoke Of The Wheel ?  Not to be blunt but if you are [right now], please consider upgrading your situation [from being a mere spoke of the wheel] to become the very driver steering that bike or vehicle.  Unfortunately, anything less than that is unacceptable because we really DON'T want to see you end up just as another spoke of the wheel⏳⏳⏳

But there's another cliche which keeps egging us to JOIN THE BANDWAGON.  WHY?  Because primarily, almost everyone is getting onboard that BANDWAGON.  And secondly, when doing one thing is what's predominantly happening, many of us get that misplaced expectation that hopping on that bandwagon will push one foot of ours inside, giving us that INSIDE TRACK of things.  But hey, things just DON'T work out that way.  DON'T even ever go to that bus stop, ever📌📌📌

If at all, joining that BANDWAGON is a fallacy inside out. What guarantees you that if you upgrade yourself from being a mere spoke of the wheel over to be part of the BANDWAGON, I've seen enough real-life stories that just skidded down south when the driver behind the steering wheel thought that was the best move.

Indeed what's happening these days is what we really see.  People hopping on, joining the bandwagon.  Once they see human bodies crowding in, many people prematurely conclude that going through that human wave will push at least one of their feet right inside, giving them a cinch.  Similarly to be existing just like a spoke of the week, joining the BANDWAGON does not give one even a china man's chance at all💊💊💊

 Unfortunately in life, unlike when you hear the BOARDING CALL at the airport, it means that the flight is a GO, in life, it just does NOT shape up that way.  Wanna join the fray?  Till you get frayed?  Burned once, you can get burned twice if you would think that being a spoke of the wheel will bring you farther enough.  Not in life though.  Every CONFIRMED SEAT is up for grabs but you got to earn it the hard way [quite often]❗❗❗

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

How often do you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop? And what does that mean? Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop means that behavior of having a need to do something that's needed or taking an action but holding in abeyance waiting for something or another party to 'make the first move' before he does.  Does this sound familiar?  Hmmm, I'm guilty of these lapses many times in the past📌📌📌

Now, not as a rude awakening, let me ask quite an innocent question with no ill intention:  HOW OFTEN DID YOU HELD OFF DOING SOMETHING SIMPLY BECAUSE OF A DEPENDENCY EITHER ON ANOTHER PERSON OR ANOTHER EVENT ?  I'm quite confident that everyone of us did go through those moments of dependency.  And frankly, let me share my attestation that on first-hand basis, I have witnessed many people [whom I know on a personal basis] holding off doing something simply because of another dependency⏳⏳⏳

Let's veer towards relationships,  Surely even within families, there are numerous cases where at least two parties DO NOT see 'eye to eye' through the years.  And when circumstances will lead those 'non-talking' parties to cross paths, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?  Not to frustrate you but in most cases, NOTHING HAPPENS.  Neither party will say 'Hi' at all

Oh, that is the classic case of us WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP.  MISPLACED principles.  MISGUIDED pride.  BLOATED ego.  Those are the most common triggers.  of us WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP.  A fourth wild card in the equation of variables is TRUST versus MISTRUST.  Where either party mistrusts the other, rest assured you are about to witness another case of someone WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP💊💊💊

So what's the fix?  Let's borrow this poster begging us to STOP WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP.  Instead, you will get back and ask? So,  WHEN  do you STOP WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP?  WHEN logic and reason should prevail.  WHEN  pragmatism should kick-in.  WHEN  sanity gets restored.  WHEN bloated egos get thrown out of the window.  Another wild card that throws a monkey wrench that exacerbates an endemic gap between two parties is when emotions remain in the middle of the equation.  Trust me, as long as emotions creep in, everyone will continue WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP❗❗❗

Amid Sea of Change

Amid Sea of Change

THE ONLY PERMANENT THING IN LIFE IS CHANGE, period.  Apologies for quoting one of the most quoted cliche in years.  But as we usher in the year 2023, isn't it apt for us to [frankly] ask ourselves as regards our readiness and coping capability Amid Sea of Change which will unfurl [sometimes swiftly before you know it] right into our eyes the coming months.

The challenging question here which was often thrown to me by cynics is WHY should we bother ourselves with future uncertainties which are NOT even certain to materialize?  Simple.  In life, except for five [5] phenomena [e.g. accidents, illness, terrorism and natural calamities and anything that's FORCE MAJEURE, for anything and everything, we got to be prepared even prior to it to happen, if at all.

As a personal testimony, I can share my 2-cents that many times in the past, while I was so focused and framed to succeed in every endeavor I was undertaking, I always prepared myself for various scenarios, specifically when things don't come my way, when the results are NOT that favorable to me.  Having that 'iffffff' mindset gave me the lesser turnaround time in the future in case my undertaking got hit with a hiccup.  It didn't lead me to be off-guarded because I had a Plan B and even a Plan C.  Why do I provision for all those?  It is to anticipate even a sea of change not earlier factored.

Yesirrrrrs, being a STEP AHEAD is being AHEAD of the PACK.  C'mon, think about it if you are in a marathon but caught within the last batch of tail-enders who were literally 'EATING THE DUST' coming from the frontrunners.  So, see yourself.  Would you be rather one of the tail-enders in that punishing marathon [of life] would you prefer to have that edge by being amongst the frontrunners AMID the SEA of CHANGE✅✅✅

Turning BAD Anxiety to GOOD Anxiety

Turning BAD Anxiety to GOOD Anxiety

ANXIETY pervades.  ANXIETY prevails.  ANXIETY has taken control of many lives till now.  But neuroscientist Wendy Suzuki tells us that ANXIETY can give us clues how to make our lives better.  BTW, ANXIETY can feel like a heavy weight that we didn't ask to carry.  And who wouldn't love to get rid of it?  And Suzuki tells us it is possible for Turning BAD Anxiety to GOOD Anxiety💊💊💊

Suzuki says that ANXIETY is a natural human emotion, one that evolved to serve a purpose.  We feel anxious when there is some kind of danger.  It primes our body to fight or flee from that danger, hoping that we'll end up much better off.  On the same breadth, our modern anxieties can be a warning signal for things that are wrong.  NOT ENOUGH REST.  TOO MUCH MULTITASKING.  FEELING ISOLATED. 

With all these ANXIETY manifestations, our anxious energy alerts us to change our lives for the better.  Worst thing to happen is IF we simply approach it as something to AVOID?  Or to GET RID of?  Then, we DON'T only fail to solve the problem but actually end up to miss that opportunity to leverage that positive side of our ANXIETY.

Now if we're 'off track' now, how can we be back on track?  First off, we need to TURN DOWN THE VOLUME of ANXIETY so that we can listen to what it has to say. Now, before anything else, let's align on the definition of ANXIETY which is that FEELING of FEAR or worry typically associated with situations of uncertainty.  And there are zillions of examples we can conjure in our real life📌📌📌

And as this KIND of COPING book from Amazon, the emotion of ANXIETY and that underlying stress response that comes when we have ANXIETY, evolved to protect us.  In fact, neuroscientists claim that it is critical for our survival because while in the past, most threats to life were lions and tigers, today we got to figure out the GOOD ANXIETY that comes with a better awareness that ANXIETY is protective and going through all the exercises and using the tools in life for us to take advantage of what ANXIETY originally evolved to do, which is to put into action that will give us a better outcome.  Contrary to the title of this Amazon book, it is NOT enough if we'll claim we're KIND of COPING❗❗❗

Travails of Travel and the HUMAN HEART

EvenTravails of Travel And The HUMAN HEART

'Tis the season for festivities, for job and yes, for travels !  Prior to the pandemic, our family made sure we had our 'annual pilgrimage' in our travels outside the country.  But that cruel pandemic just unceremoniously put a stop to all that.  And swinging over to the United States, CNN says that with the cruel winter across the American continent, more than 15,000 flights were cancelled 'within, into or out of the U.S. 💊💊💊

As per CNN, just as millions piled into cars and flooded into airports with stuffed bags in tow over the weekend, a paralyzing winter storm swept across the United States, threatening to halt or significantly delay many people's journeys.  Such are the Travails of Travel.  Even Southwest CEO Bob Jordan was quoted that this week's recent paralyzed leaving thousands of passengers stalled is the 'largest scale event' he's ever seen in his life.  To complicate things, closed highways and dangerous road conditions also made driving treacherous.  But in the midst of all these 'horror' stories, there were 'lights in the tunnel ahead'.

What's going viral are untold stories that really captures our human heart at its best.  Heard of that couple at Atlanta's Jackson Airport where they have been travelling for five days to go back home to Wichita, Kansas.  Heard of that couple who got off the cruise at Fort Lauderdale, Florida only to end up making many futile attempts   Heard of that South Korean tour group who ended up finding shelter in the home of the NY couple.

Over in New York, Police found a bus headed to Washington DC but had driven off the road and become lodged lodged in a snow 'just a foot away' from the ditch, leaving the vehicle at risk of slipping and flipping over with about 60 people inside.  Or heard of those 4 strangers now going viral because they ended up sharing that viral 20-hour drive.  And when they captured their travel travails on video, their video garnered almost 10 million views, not because of anything but the human element that led to these travelers surviving📌📌📌

Even Baguio City, the favorite Asian city due to its cooler weather during Decembers was not spared.  Traffic gridlock was everywhere.  But what made peole go through all these Travails of Travel was the element of the human heart that softened and opened up to accommodate and shelter the stranded travelers.  Indeed, heartwarming to hear this festive season❗❗❗