Let's Dump NEGATIVITY Down There

Let's Dump NEGATIVITY Down There

Let's Dump NEGATIVITY Down There.  Seriously, enough of NEGATIVITY.  Let's leave it behind.  Let it eat our dust.  Flip over.  Let's welcome POSITIVITY instead.  This is reality.  We view the world through our MENTAL ATTITUDE.  If that ATTITUDE is predominantly NEGATIVE, it can likely impact everything, including health, family, career and even more [sadly].  Furthermore, NEGATIVE thinking can have a spiraling effect that attracts more NEGATIVE thinking.  BUT hey, this is no rocket science.  Let's listen to what experts share💴💷💵

Primero, experts [ironically] recommend that you will allocate a fixed TEN MINUTES daily to ruminate and review everything NEGATIVE.  Jot down your NEGATIVE thought [because that's NOT unavoidable] and tell yourself you'll look into it during your 10-minute NEGATIVE time.  And as per their studies, over time, you will gain CONTROL and eventually, that NEGATIVE thought will stop because it is left with NO elbow room, NO wiggle space left for it to spread out and further weaken the foundations of your life📗📙📘

Segundo, and this is quite a tough one.  REPLACE those NEGATIVE thoughts.  To quote the experts, "WE DON'T OVERCOME NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS.  WE REPLACE THEM".  In practical terms, experts suggest these steps to REPLACE:

• NOTICE when that NEGA-PATTERN starts
• ACKNOWLEDGE to change that NEGA-PATTERN
• ARTICULATE what you want to be different
• Lastly, CHOOSE a behavior, one that serves your goals and consistent with your POSITIVITY

Tercero, BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.  Experts claim that, frankly, we are mean to our ourselves and nearly 90% of SELF-TALK is NEGATIVE.  So, how do we flip this over?  

• RELEASE IT - Let it out to help process and not dwell. Then allocate three minutes, that PITY PARTY should be over.
• TRACK IT - Alert yourself when NEGATIVITY creeps in so you can 'nip things in the bud'
• REFRAME IT - When you feel you are MEAN, remember the nice words your beshie would tell you, then tell that to yourself LOUD enuf

Cuarto, WRITE INSTEAD of THINK.  Experts claim that writing down WHEN that NEGATIVE THOUGHT surfaces will help you PURGE that NEGATIVE THOUGHT out much easier.  This is human nature, things become easier when things become that obvious.  C'mon, LET'S DUMP NEGATIVITY!!!

Why Our Takeoff Matters Most [IN LIFE]

Why Our Takeoff Matters Most [IN LIFE]    

All throughout my life, I remained steadfast as to Why Our Takeoff Matters Most [IN LIFE].  The difference between the aircraft takeoff and our takeoff in life is that aircrafts  have a designated cruising altitude [e.g. 38000 feet] BUT in life, it is our very own selves who can influence and dictate our cruising altitude, NOT dictated by anyone📗📙📘

My analogy here is this chart of Singapore's stages of education.  Where, from a takeoff perspective, that happens as a result of the secondary education where, depending on the student's academic performance, it will dictate as to which educational stream the student will pursue.  Note that students CAN'T freely choose their education stream based on his/her preference [because the preference has to meet the criteria which, when meet, makes someone eligible [or NOT]❕❕❕

Similarly, if the student successfully meets the criteria for the INTEGRATED PROGRAM stream, then obviously, he is expected to be flying off with a cruising altitude much higher than someone who ends up pursuing the Sec 4 Normal Technical.  Again, the parallelism here is each of our own TAKEOFFs in life.  Not everyone has the option to fly as high as he prefers😁😁😁

I've known people up close and deep inside, I pitied them because I saw with my naked eyes that their takeoff was NOT enough to catapult them to that ideal cruising altitude [which by default tells us, the higher, the better].  BUT I can only blame them❎❎❎

But similar to the aircrafts taxiing to position themselves for takeoff [while awaiting that control tower clearance], in life, everything is within our own hands, within our control.  BUT the catch here is that TIME is finite.  You CAN'T be positioning forever at the runway.  You can only have so much time.  Delay it, you lose.  Waste it, you lose.  This explains WHY OUR TAKEOFF MATTERS MOST [in life]❗❗❗

Transitions In Life

Transitions In Life

Studies show that, on average, we go through Transitions In Life three dozen times in our lifetime.  That averages to a transition every twelve to eighteen months, a frequency that's MORE OFTEN than most people see a dentist.  More than just the birth of a baby OR a wedding that deserves to be celebrated, there is a long list of transitions which we'd rather abhor💵💴💷

A health issue in the family, an imminent divorce, litigations in court, a financial bankruptcy, even going jobless or worst, ending up penniless, OR knock on wood, a major conflict with a protagonist that may have serious repercussions/ramifications to either parties.  OR when force majeure kicks in, catastrophic circumstances caused by natural disasters, OR even that recent dreaded Covid-19 pandemic📗📙📘

Now, we got to tackle two things that do impact our life, namely DISRUPTORS and LIFEQUAKES.  The number of CHANGES happening in our life is damn quickening, the pace we're going through them is faster and our breadth of life experiencing them is much wider.  The basic unit of CHANGE is a DISRUPTOR because it's value neutral.  DISRUPTORS can either be positive OR negative though📌📌📌

You can be becoming an 'EMPTY NESTER' OR getting married OR getting sober OR retiring.  You can also be getting a diagnosis or losing a job, NO thanks to that pandemic.  As we go through those three dozens of transitions in life, DISRUPTORS may rise to the level of LIFEQUAKES❎❎❎

That Covid pandemic, that was a LIFEQUAKE, a massive source of CHANGE that lasted for four years.  LIFEQUAKES tend to clump up, that 'pile-up' phenomenon.  Just when you lose your job, you wreck your car and then your parent needs surgery.  WHAT's our takeaway today?  THAT the idea of a one job, one relationship, one home, one source of happiness, all these are gone and all replaced by a NONLINEAR life with many more twists and turns and transitions.  So, the pace of TRANSITIONS IN LIFE is quickening.  GOT TO PACE with it❗❗❗

'NO MAN IS AN ISLAND' - John Donne

'NO MAN IS AN ISLAND' - John Donne

Till to date, this is the shortest quote with the longest meaning embedded in my lifetime, THAT 'NO MAN IS AN ISLAND' [by John Donne].  True, we meet PEOPLE, we meet strangers, and then, some friends WHO bring out the best in us and splash a palette of colors in an otherwise [sometimes] monotonous black-and-white life.  BTW, WHO we are and WHAT we become CAN'T be a one-man effort.  Everyone in our lives holds a stake in turning us into the person we are.  Their thoughts, their outlook in life, and their passion burns way beyond their own life💵💴💷

Let's face it, PEOPLE leave pieces of themselves in us just as we do in them.  We are all the PEOPLE we've met and all the people we've lost.  We are all the EXES that loved us and all the crushes that DIDN'T.  We are all the PEOPLE who are still in our lives and the PEOPLE who have left though.  It's just a tragedy that love DOESN'T reign every time📗📙📘

BUT it's a bigger tragedy WHEN we erase PEOPLE from our lives and pretend like they DON'T exist anymore.  We've always heard that we're supposed to let someone go totally.  That will NEVER heal if they're still around anyways.  Heck, even if someone says that it has run its full course, it's time for us to let it go📌📌📌

BUT we need to realize that LETTING GO does NOT always necessarily mean forgetting OR erasing that person because we CAN'T.  Indeed, it's heartbreaking to leave OR to be left.  That aching feeling WHEN you learn that your love was unrequited love OR that a shared moment with another person could NOT amount to anything more, leaves you feeling so empty and numb, maybe.  One second you're head over heels with them as they sit across the dinner table.  Next thing you know, you're wondering IF that was the last moment you shared with them ❗❗❗

Indeed, this is a thought-provoking topic to cover BUT let's never push ourselves in a cocoon OR a cave just because you've got everything in life.  THAT does NOT guarantee the status quo in life because, knock on wood, one day, you will need someone next to you.  To quote John Donne, NO MAN IS AN ISLAND❎❎❎

Is Dopamine Detox A Myth?

Is Dopamine Detox A Myth?

Is Dopamine Detox A Myth?  Before we go on with our thread today, let's align as to how Mr Google defined it.  It is the "process that involves fasting from activities OR pleasures that produce DOPAMINE so that the drive for quick rewards decreases". So, let's dive into this with a caveat that there is NO scientific evidence to support the concept of a DOPAMINE DETOX📗📙📘

Those who attempt a DOPAMINE DETOX aim to detach themselves from everyday stimuli such as social media, sugar OR shopping.  They are replaced in favor of less impulsive habits and lifestyle choices.  The fast can last for a few hours OR even several days. We need to align that DOPAMINE DETOX is NOT a scientifically research approach and most benefits come from refraining from it📌📌📌

BTW, to be precise, the compulsive behaviors that can be targeted by DOPAMINE DETOX covers way beyond social media.  Emotional eating.  Gambling and excessive shopping.  Porn.  Thrill and novelty-seeking.  Even recreational drugs.  By fasting from these activities that trigger the brain's neurotransmitters, people become less dependent on the emotional 'hits' that DOPAMINE provides❌❌❌

Browsing through the net, I did stumble across some 'SUCCESS STORIES' detailing how they succeeded.  Topping the tricks is to GRAB A FRIEND or FAMILY member.  As they say, doing things alone is NOT only boring but also less effective.  Starting it by your lonesome has been proven to be hard BUT when we are with other people, we tend to encourage each other✅✅✅

Segundo, CHALLENGE YOURSELF.  This can go in hand with Number 1.  Challenge yourself initially with baby steps, like aiming for a 1-week DETOX.  Tercero, Just go random and TURN OFF your phone completely.  Most of the time, we're guilty because you would do 'RANDOM GLANCES'.  The BAD THING is that 'RANDOM GLANCE' can turn to hours.  Anyways, DOPAMINE DETOX IS NOT A MYTH❗❗❗

Stuck In Your Problems?

Stuck In Your Problems?

Who's NOT stuck with problems?  We're all in that same boat.  BUT what separates one from another one is that some of us are Stuck In Your Problems.  Have you ever felt frozen  [AS IF you can't seem to move forward n life?]?  Perhaps it's AS IF you CAN'T seem to move from a traumatic experience OR you just CAN'T tap into the the passion OR enthusiasm that once came so easily.  OR maybe you're UNMOTIVATED at work that you spend time fantasizing about 'getting away' somewhere you CAN'T quite name.  Whatever the cause is, you have NO idea WHAT to do next, WHAT change to make or WHAT specialist to consult.  I had that problem two months ago when my initial prostate ultrasound result showed something NOT quite normal.  Next thing I did, I was wasting no time to 'GOOGLE SEARCH' and imagine the millions of search results bannered at the top of the results telling me I got a few years to live, whew😌😌😌

So, indeed, it's natural for us in life to, at some point, to feel STUCK.  Our juice is meant to flow, so WHAT do we do WHEN no matter how hard we try to get more juice, it just seems to stagnate within us?  To answer that question, maybe it's worth considering what STUCK can look like at least on the physical level.  Through the years, I observed many people [quite up close] whose STUCKNESS developed in their soul long before it manifested in their bodies📘📗📙

We can also easily find ourselves STUCK psychologically often due to trauma.   Our brain feels as though it's in a loop sometimes because it actually is, that we've found a well-trodden neural pathway and dug in deep.  We seem to have a deep unconscious knowing that life is supposed to move.  This is WHAT makes it so obvious when things are NOT moving, even if we DON'T yet know what to do about it.  All life needs to MOVE.  The most effective people are the ones WHO accept this reality and even relish the challenges of overcoming the UNKNOWNS rather than struggling❎❎❎

So, where do we go from here if we're STUCK with a problem?  Primero, STOP ATTACKING THE SYMPTOMS.  Dig up for the root cause.  A broken process or a subtle quality issue can generate a flood of customer satisfaction problems, even cost overruns OR loss of market share.  The right first step for every issue is that old strategy of "ASK WHY 3 TIMES"❗❗❗

Segundo.  Search for the multiple dimensions of a problem.  DON'T oversimplify as most issues have a scope greater than one dimension.  Tercero, BUILD and EVALUATE a list of alternative solutions.  We are all prone to running with the initial solution that comes to mind, rather than comparing several to produce the best outcome.  Cuarto, BUILD MOTIVATION right from yourself.  Build that momentum for early SUCCESSES to come into fruition even if they are SMALL WINS.  Still STUCK IN YOUR PROBLEMS❓❓❓

Your NEXT MOVE Is What Matters

Your NEXT MOVE Is What Matters

You achieved an academic honor last semester.  You got promoted at work last year.  You bagged a big sales contract last quarter.  OR you won a decent LOTTO prize recently.  So, the question to you is WHAT MATTERS now? Your NEXT MOVE Is What Matters, that's all dude.  The thing is, many times in our life, we are tempted to relive the moments of the past, especially those memorable and pleasing memories.  We think about how we could have done something.  We overthink about it and let our present moment suffer the consequences.  WHY do we continue reliving the PAST when it's all gone?  HOW come it is hard to let go of the PAST when all we have from it is a piece of memory?  As we work on reaching our GOALS, we make different shots, attempts OR whatever you call it to try to achieve it as Your NEXT MOVE Is What Matters💴💷💵

And as we do that, some shots OR attempts might get us closer and some may NOT.  There could be NO regrets if we use the previous shot OR attempt to form the next shot OR attempt.  It would then be a learning progress.  And that is WHAT we want so we can be closer little by little.  IF only it was easy to always REFOCUS on the NEXT shot, then a lot of things could have been resolved.  BUT the thing is, that is NOT the reality.  Some problems give us a hard time refocusing on the next shot OR attempt📗📙📘

The thing is, some problems are different.  In fact, each problem is unique to itself.  BUT problems are part and parcel of our life.  It is a feedback on WHAT we should do next.  Let's try our best to REFOCUS on the next shot at our GOALS.  That is one of the progressive ways of doing it.  The past is gone.  That shot is gone and it missed📌📌📌

At hindsight, some of the things I did do [and still do till to date] were NOT easy ones.  Before I started blogging, I was quite hesitant to put out [and in writing at that] my thoughts and ideas.  I felt like "WHO AM I", I'm NOT even an expert in the first place.    Everything then was about curating other people's ideas and expertise and slowly over time.   I started to take little risks of putting my stories and ideas out there❌❌❌

So, WHAT have you found with people today that is inhibiting them from going after WHAT they want and making that NEXT MOVE?  One of the things is putting pressure on having that perfect solution lined up.  WHILE we should dream BIG, sometimes we need to make smaller moves to build confidence.  Our takeaway today is that, much as we had SUCCESS in the past, YOUR NEXT MOVE IS WHAT MATTERS [the most]❗❗❗

What's Your Biggest Battle?

What's Your Biggest Battle?

What's Your Biggest Battle?  NOT with your ex-spouse.  NOT with your nemesis.  NOT with your predator.  NOT even with your sworn enemy.  BUT the BIGGEST BATTLE you and I have is that one with ourself, yourself.  WHAT sets apart SUCCESSFUL people versus us, the typical John Doe?  They have that BRAVERY not in the absence of FEAR but it's their BRAVERY in overcoming FEAR.  According to the late Steve Jobs, SUCCESSFUL people excel at persevering while others would simply quit and give up.  In the shortest word, SUCCESSFUL people tend to be MENTALLY strong.  BUT hold on.  It DOESN'T mean they DON'T have those weak moments too📗📙📘

According to the great Serbian tennis champion, Novak Djokovic, who until today is ranked the #1 tennis player in the world, said that MENTAL STRENGTH is NOT a gift.  Instead, it's something that comes with work.  He even admitted that in those 'BIG' moments, like the U.S. and Wimbledon title runs, he may appear LOCKED IN but he's NOT❎❎❎

WHY?  Because, he admitted that there is a 'STORM INSIDE' [him] which he's battling.  He admits that while he's been a champion many times, he's just a HUMAN BEING and he admitted that the biggest difference between the guys WHO are able to be the biggest champions and the one struggling to get to the highest level is that ability to NOT stay in those emotions WAY TOO LONG📌📌📌

Which remains me of those STOICISMs where amongst others, it says that while you CAN'T CONTROL what happens to you, WHAT you can CONTROL is how you respond to it.  Like, instead of trying NOT to feel angry, scared, anxious OR disappointed [which, NO matter how hard you try, is damn impossible], the key is to RESET as quickly as you can, and do whatever you need to do to deal with WHAT caused that emotion❌❌❌

Let's take a leaf from Novak Djokovic's life lessons.  He says he starts with conscious breathing.  One deep breath.  Two.  As many as he can fit in before the next point.  Djokovic says DEEP BREATHs are the simplest and most effective way to RESET.  He then reflects on past SUCCESSES to build his confidence and belief.  Science research also shows that taking TWO INHALES and one LONG INHALE reduces CO2 levels , slows your heart rate, and leaves you feeling calmer, less tense and more focused.  Dude, we better know WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST BATTLE❗❗❗

Where Do We START [Again]?

Where Do We START [Again]?

When we get asked with this question as to Where Do We START [Again], this does NOT imply that you got to DUMP the life you are in right now, NO sirrrrssss.  This could mean you stick with the life situation you have now BUT on specific 'ACTIONABLE AREAS', you need to take drastic actions in order to significantly change or alter the 'TRAJECTORY' of your situation💵💴💷

STARTING AGAIN may mean opening a new chapter in your life.  Just to share, at some point in my past when I observed that my situation has plateaued, I then realized that that was an ignominious pattern that did NOT augur well from the perspective of my long-term GOALS.  What I did then was to START a NEW CHAPTER in my life when I took the risk of migrating to Singapore.  And as any risk offers both the upside and the downside, I assessed my situation then and came up with a concrete action plan because my 'TRAJECTORY' that time was NOT acceptable based on the standards I pre-set📗📙📘

Naysayers though, are EVERYWHERE.  You would hear them say , he's TOO OLD to run, TOO OLD to learn, TOO LATE to aim for it, TOO AVERAGE to be ambitious, and that goes on.  In short, even when you attempt for either a 'FRESH START' or a 'REBOOT' in your life, dark shadows will be lurking behind you, playing devil's advocate to let you do a U-turn❌❌❌

Now, if being compared with others is that inevitable, then it's fine.  BUT you got to realize that your 1st chapter ISN'T that comparable to someone else's chapter because of multifarious factors.  They probably started way ahead of you.  They were probably able to get the opportunity earlier than you.  OR they were just focused on that thing for many years than you❎❎❎

Sadly, when you start contemplating for either a RESTART or a REBOOT in life, likely, the previous phase or chapter has ended or is about to end with not so glowing results, and THAT'S FINE.  There is NO rule which tells us you CAN'T pickup the pieces and START ALL OVER AGAIN.  The worst thing is if you DON'T know where to START [again]❗❗❗

[Despite NOT Wanting To FAIL], Why Do We Still FAIL?

 [Despite NOT Wanting To FAIL], Why Do We Still FAIL?

[Despite NOT Wanting To FAIL], Why Do We Still FAIL?  What if we stay that FAILURE precedes SUCCESS?  Obviously, that will be debatable BUT this should NOT entail a hard push.  Let's look around at all the SUCCESSFUL people, they all failed before they succeeded.  I also humbly admit that I failed before I succeeded💴💵💷

We can rattle off the names of SUCCESSFUL people who FAILED miserably over and over again.  Bill Gates.  Elon Musk.  Steve Jobs.  There's a long list stretching by miles BUT in the shortest word, they transformed their FAILURES into SUCCESSES.  BTW, SUCCESS does NOT come to us the first time we try anything.  SUCCESS is the result of our mental strength to keep going at WHAT we desire till we get it right📗📙📘

When we are confronted with FAILURE, we tend to see all the NEGATIVEs associated with the FAILURE and the reaction 'others' will have with our FAILURE.  We completely overlook the benefits.  And IF we DON'T look at the POSITIVE aspects of FAILURE and if we DON'T change the way we look at our learnings, then our FAILURE may even potentially destroy us.  Now, let's dig up the most common triggers of FAILURE📌📌📌

Numero uno, we frequently fail because there is a HUGE GAP [a.k.a. MISMATCH] between your EXPECTATIONS versus the REALISTIC RESULT.  For simplicity, if during my younger years, I dreamed to be a pilot and as years passed, I never stopped dreaming to be a pilot until I realized I reached age 40 and still, I am working as a clerk or as a salesman.  At that point, I might tag myself then as a FAILURE because while I wanted to be a pilot, here I am, either a clerk or a salesman.  WHAT's our takeaway here?  There should be a VERY MINIMAL GAP between your EXPECTATION versus your CAPABILITY [to achieve that dream], ok❔❔❔

Segundo, sometimes we FAIL because FAILURE paralyses us.  Very often, we are so afraid of FAILING that we are NOT even willing to try.  As the old saying goes, 'TRYING and 'FAILING IS BETTER THAN NOT TRYING AT ALL'.  We should never be afraid to try.  The turtle can NEVER make progress if he does NOT stick his neck out.  There is always a reason that justifies INACTION.  We must NOT let our FEAR of FAILURE stop us❗❗❗