Active Listening, Anyone?

Active Listening, Anyone?

What's the most simple obvious GIVEN in life ?It is the fact that when we speak, maybe 99% do LISTEN to us.  BUT Active Listening, Anyone?  For alignment, allow me to quote from Mr Google which defines ACTIVE LISTENING as a way of LISTENING and RESPONDING to another person that improves mutual understanding.  So, back to my frank question:  How often do we do ACTIVE LISTENING?  Probably, a plurality do.  You'll be surprised with the numbers below📗📙📘

Surveys show that between 70-80% of the day we're engaged in some form of communication, of which, 55% is devoted to LISTENING.  But WHAT is quite alarming is that on average, the average LISTENER only remembers a measly 25% of a talk OR conversation😑😑😑

Thing is, oftentimes, we DON'T retain WHAT we hear.  In fact, the tests from Harvard Business Review attests that the average LISTENER does remember 25% [ONLY] of a talk or lecture.  ACTIVE LISTENING requires much deeper attention and empathy, which ideally leads to greater understanding.  It is the practice of paying FULL ATTENTION to what someone is saying in order to demonstrate unbiased reflection😀😀😀

This is NOT just about the benefits to our career.  Empathy, the very basis of ACTIVE LISTENING, is crucial in building meaningful relationships.  ACTIVE LISTENING can even help you to manage your emotions, retain data or information much better and where there are gaps, conflicts or disconnects, ACTIVE LISTENING is very key in helping resolve such conflicts📌📌📌

The rising demand for social and emotional skills [and that includes ACTIVE LISTENING] is projected to grow by more than 20% between 2016 and 2030 and that projection cuts across industries.  BTW, won't you get FRUSTRATED [at the very least] if you're talking intently but obviously, the person you're talking to, simply blurts back with his spiel?  Time for ACTIVE LISTENING, anyone please❗❗❗

Clearing the Fog

Clearing the Fog

Our thread today will be quite unique [and I hope, NOT so boring] because for the longest time, I have to make a personal 'confession' that is indeed more personal than anything else.  Hence, our today, I borrowed this title 'Clearing the Fog' from the Harvard Medical article I was skimming awhile ago.  I realized I owe it to my readership to share my 'confession' because I am hoping that my 'unforgivable' neglect to give importance to the state and health of EYES should NOT happen to you📌📌📌

Now, for my confession.  Since my late teens till to date, I have been wearing prescriptive glasses and all along, my [default] mode was to go to the optical clinic to refract my lens.  And while the cost can be down cheap, my latest pair of eyeglasses a year ago costs approximately $400, NOT CHEAP by local standards but I thought, that would solve my eyesight as I was enduring its degraded state for at at least the last 2 years❌❌❌

And since sometimes I drive for long hauls, like 10 to 12 hour long drives to the countryside, I felt a huge frustration because even with my latest eyeglasses, I realized that my eyesight remained quite impaired [and to my own fault, I kept it to myself, not after keeping that eyesight constraint in obscurity].  My bad, mea culpa❎❎❎

NOT until late this year when I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and [FINALLY] consulted an ophthalmologist who led me to a SHOCKING eye-opener that my eyesight problems went way beyond my being 'nearsighted' but instead, further EYE tests confirmed that my right EYE was very seriously impaired with cataract.  WHICH means, the past years, I was going on long-haul drives with one eye!@#$? I then realized that I was NOT ONLY remiss but I was utterly neglectful of my EYE. Sharing the below recommendations from Kadrmas Eye Care:

• Age 20-29:  Eye checkup at least once this period
• Age 30-39:  Eye checkup at least twice this period
• Age 40-49:  Eye Exam every 2 to 4 years
• Age 50+   :  Annual Eye Exam

Allow me to share one more VERY important lesson I learned:  Our EYE's health does NOT end up by consulting an ophthalmologist BUT instead, we should consult a RETINA SPECIALIST [who is an ophthalmologist too] but he is capable to diagnose if your EYE issues have impacted your RETINA.  My apologies for veering our thread today more into our EYE's health but I realized I owe this to you as much as I owe it to myself❗❗❗

Deliver Your PROMISE

Deliver Your PROMISE

The easiest thing that can be done in life is to PROMISE.  WHAT makes it that EASY is because it WON'T cost anything, it WON'T need you to exert any effort and it can be done INSTANTLY.  So, what's the biggest challenge staring right in our faces right now?  It is to Deliver Your PROMISE💵💴💷

Yes, EVERY STORY STARTS SOMEWHERE.  I heard this one-liner most recently today from Jeremy Jauncey, the founder & CEO of Beautiful Destinations.  Well said.  Point is, you can be standing near the gutter-level now so your story, your narrative can start from there, that is, if you have that intent to traverse and fulfill something📗📙📘

Truth is, many of us would succumb to this 'PROMISES CYCLE' and that vicious cycle NEVER gets broken year on year.  WHY?  Because, NO one is flagging us, NO one is brutally confronting us on our shortfalls, and NOTHING seems to make us feel ACCOUNTABLE for the tons of promises we would blurt out so easily💎💎💎

As there is no fool-proof formula that leads to the equation PROMISES=DELIVERY? What this means is that it behooves that we more often OVER-DELIVER more than what we would promise?  Is that easy?  Whether it's damn EASY or as steep to climb up, it's only yourself who would make it look EASY or that TOUGH to deliver on your PROMISE📌📌📌

Without reinventing the wheel, here's our CHEAT SHEET so we can DELIVER more than we PROMISE:

• DON'T over-promise, plain and simple.
• DELIVERY well.  Give it your best shot.
• REMEMBER well enough.  No excuses to forget a promise
• BE CAUTIOUS.  Think cautiously before you promise
• BE COMMUNICATIVE.  Make a crystal-clear promise 
• BE CONSISTENT.  Always deliver promises.  It helps.
• TRACK and MONITOR your progress for each promise
• BE FOCUSED.  It's NOT a cake-walk to deliver a promise

Word of caution:  If you DON'T DELIVER ON YOUR PROMISE, that could be your credibility's 'LAST HURRAH'❎❎❎

So, When Do We RESET Life?

So, When Do We RESET Life?

So, When Do We RESET Life? Good question.  Tough to answer, in fact because there is NO one correct answer to it.  We could RESET in a week, in a month, in a quarter, biennially, annually OR even every 3 to 5 years.  NO formula here, dude.  So, you'll ask, WHO tells us as to which frequency fits into your life?  I'll throw back that $64 question back to you because there are tons of WHAT IFs before we end up even with a half-hearted answer💴💷💵

BUT given the fact that we all have the same calendars we're glued at, we got to take note that the calendars all run via the WEEKLY CYCLES.  WHY?  Quite simple.  Except for entrepreneurs, most of us work on 5-day work weeks.  In fact, even most entrepreneurs would try to run schedules within those work WEEK CYCLES.  So, voila, we got the answer📗📙📘

If you were to ask me, by default, I'll embrace the WEEKLY RESET.  WHY?  Remember there is a SAT-SUN buffer window and whether you RESET on SAT, on a SUN or by next Monday, it just makes sense and logical.  You might get back to me and question, because all along, you thought we would RESET only when we have a crisis at hand?  No sirrrrs.  Your sailboat could be coasting smoothly on the waters for a week and to RESET will work wonders.  WHY❓❓❓

So, you might ask, WHERE will the RESET happen every week at that?  Again, KEEP IT SIMPLE.  IF your schedules were thrown a monkey wrench the past week, to RESET means you need to do a better job to plot your schedules.  IF you had serious cash flows, oh oh, pin down those RED FLAGS so that they DON'T end as land mines❌❌❌

IF your relationship hit rough patches the past week, maybe you need to do a real honest SELF-REFLECTION where could you have done it better OR maybe it's your partner/spouse who needs more consideration?  BTW, let's take a very optimistic scenario where life has been so goody goody week after week, what now?  Maybe you can take monthly RESETS but keep your ears and eyes close to the ground as to WHEN DO YOU RESET life❗❗❗

Life is NEVER Black Or White

Life is NEVER Black Or White

Life is NEVER Black Or White.  All along we always harp, KEEP IT SIMPLE, which means, we should live life as simple as either BLACK or WHITE.  Analogy aside, life is never BLACK or WHITE.  In fact, it's always in the shades of grey.  Life ISN'T about knowing all the answers.  It is all about exploring the depth and richness behind the ambiguity of all the shades.  Indeed, BLACK or WHITE is an easy label but living life in the grey areas pushes you further down💢💢💢

Many times, when something happens, we see it as if there's only one reason WHY it happened.  Our thinking is that things happen because of this and NOT that one.  It happened because of BLACK and not WHITE.  We get so fixated that life only revolves around the quickest reasonable idea we can think of.  BUT life is much more than that.  There are one too many myriad of colors in life.  Let's have a simple real-life scenario.  You and your friend agreed to meet at a place and time more to catch up.  BUT your friend missed out.  So you got angry and frustrated😕😕😕

The real score was, your friend missed out to meet you up was because of the horrendous traffic and along the way, his mobile battery got drained, he was unable to alert you.  BUT from your perspective, your friend missed that time because he just DIDN'T value it, which, it ISN'T true.  So, WHAT's the moral of the story?  It is that most of the time, it is easy to see the NEGATIVE on the situation.  It is easy to blame and be frustrated.  BUT harder to understand and see it from a different perspective❎❎❎

Thing is, there are many things happening behind closed doors.  NOT everything  is visible to your naked eye.  DON'T be so quick to judge as it is the reason WHY a man becomes miserable, whew.  Most day-to-day scenarios, they CAN'T be explained as to YES I did it and allowed it versus NO I did not do it because I did NOT allow.  Often times, the real reasons behind is too circuitous❗❗❗

You achieved high academic honors?  WOW but that's NOT because you aimed for it.  It's because you moved mountains to achieve that.  You got multiple job promotions the past years?  It's NOT because your bosses like you.  It's because you have been consistent in delivering the goods [at work] way beyond expectations and often, you went the EXTRA MILE.  So, LIFE IS NEVER BLACK OR WHITE📗📙📘

Progress Tracking?

 Progress Tracking?

Do we really need this Progress Tracking? Yesirrrs I absolutely buy into this.  We're now into a few weeks of 2024.  How are those New Year's resolutions coming along?  Many of you did set your GOALS to improve your health.  Oftentimes, these GOALS are unrealistic and you end up finding yourself falling back into OLD HABITS after a few weeks?  Now WHAT?  Do you GIVE UP because PERFECTION is NO longer an option?  Absolutely NOT.  PERFECTION isn't realistic in the first place, and it may even hinder those health GOALS you set on January 1st💴💷💵

Frankly, strict and rigid 'ALL or NOTHING' resolutions are frustrating.  GOALS like that force you to focus on your failures.  Missing a day of your New Year's Resolution DOESN'T mean that you've failed.  Ultimately, people make resolutions with the GOAL of becoming healthier and happier.   So, ask yourself if you have improved your health with your GOALS📗📘📙

Looking at PROGRESS rather than PERFECTION allows you to see WHAT's working, rather than WHAT you've failed to accomplish.  Sometimes, resolutions need amendments to really work long-term.  Consider the hindrances and barriers to achieve your resolution[s] and experiment with different approaches to make it work📌📌📌

Do consider taking an approach to problem-solving like an experiment, realizing that NOT every experiment really works.  Continue to look for better ways to approach the challenge✅✅✅

Our takeaway today?  PERFECTION is frustrating because it is unattainable in the first place.  On the other hand, PROGRESS is hopeful because it's always there as long as you are making adjustments and improvements.  In fact, you DON'T need to be PERFECT to be healthier.  Keep up the PROGRESS you are making and just forget about PERFECTION.  That's one DISTRACTION less❗❗❗

Change, Change, Change

Change, Change, Change

Change, Change, Change.  Regardless, whether 2023 was a banner year for you OR it was [another] so-so year, you are WHAT you think.  And if you're only thinking about problems and sorrows, very likely and sadly, that will be likely what you will attract in your life.  BUT if you change your perspective and start thinking about solutions and opportunities, you're like sending vibrations to attract an abundance of them📗📙📘

Poetically, allow me to quote this:  INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING THAT THE ROSE BUSH IS FULL OF THORNS, BE HAPPY THE THORN BUSH HAS ROSES.  If on a sad note that you seem to be accumulating a lot of NEGATIVITY inside you due to all the things happening in your life from the most petty to the major ones, it is very likely that you will be both inhaling and exhaling nothing but NEGATIVITY❎❎❎

Have we ever looked at unfortunate circumstances in our life and thought you are going through this simply because you DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE?  If you agree to this, I beg to disagree because each one of us is having many choices and we are exercising them everyday, down to every second.  Frankly, we got and we make many choices every day😀😀😀

Let's rattle off some real-life CHOICES we make:

• We set the alarm clock 5am in time to work 8am
• We drive our car instead of taking the public bus
• At work, you take on other task to help the team
• At your sales work, you field cold calls as priority
• On the way home, we buy something for our kid
• By weekend, you went grocery instead of accepting an invitation to attend a social event
• By Sunday, you decided to do a 'carwash' at home instead of bringing it to a nearby 'carwash'

What's our takeaway today?  The best way to CHANGE our life is to take OWNERSHIP and ACT.  If you want to learn ChatGPT, ACT.  If you want to start saving for your dream holiday, ACT.  If you want to improve your financials, ACT.  If you want your health to 'turnaround', ACT.  In fact, anything you want, you need to ACT.  Nothing is going to CHANGE if you aren't willing to CHANGE yourself.  Be confident about yourself and take that LEAP of FAITH for us to CHANGE❗❗❗

WHEN Your Goal Remains A WISH

WHEN Your Goal Remains A WISH

I am quite confident that each of you did exert your efforts to set your GOALS at least for 2024 [if NOT for the medium and long-terms] BUT here's a WHAT IF.  But here's a WHAT IF for us. IF and WHEN Your Goal Remains A WISH, when does that probability become a potential one to happen?  That GOAL to remain as a WISH will likely happen IF we did not lay down a concrete action PLAN to achieve the GOALS📗📙📘

This MOST quoted quote says it all.  Truth is, many of us set a GOAL with the intention of following through BUT they also think of a GOAL that is something that will happen far into the future.  BUT, many of us get stuck in the cycle of setting GOALS and NOT achieving them [AT ALL].  Many times, the path to the GOALs have been started but getting stuck either because of an issue stumbled across OR simply for NOT prioritizing TIME + EFFORTS towards achieving the GOALs.  We DON'T want to be compared to this ship with NO DESTINATION❎❎❎

So, let's NOT dilly-dally and grapple with this dilemma confronting many of us:

• WRITE DOWN your goals CLEARLY
• SET GOALS you passionately want to achieve
• Create "SMART GOALS" [we'll discuss later]
• Create an "ACTION PLAN"
• Stick to your "ACTION PLAN"
• MONITOR your progress
• ALERT yourself for delays in your timeline

I did attend the 7 HABITS Course of American Guru Stephen Covey, and without breaching IP rights, allow me to extract and share just 3 of those HABITS:

• Habit 1 - BE PROACTIVE
• Habit 2 - BEGIN with the END in mind
• Habit 3 - PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST

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There's one area Stephen Covey did highlight as our most common mistake.  We tend to tag many tasks as URGENT, and in the end, the List of URGENCIES is mile-long.  He highlights the confusion over TIME MANAGEMENT.  And the FIX?  Breakdown the URGENT tasks either as:

• HIGH URGENCY - HIGH IMPORTANCE
• LOW URGENCY - HIGH IMPORTANCE
• HIGH URGENCY - LOW IMPORTANCE
• LOW URGENCY - LOW IMPORTANCE

Can We Improve [At Least] 1% EVERYDAY?

Can We Improve [At Least] 1% EVERYDAY?

Do we agree that everyone [that includes moi] needs to IMPROVE?  Absolutely YES, right? So, Can We Improve 1% EVERYDAY?  It is a given that self-improvement is that important BUT to be realistic, it is NOT always easy to know WHERE to start.  And if you're feeling stuck and unsure HOW to make positive changes in your life, NOT to fear as long as we wake up fit and right every morning, then we should be GOOD TO GO💴💷💵

Now, without getting into our calculators, it should be a no-brainer to state that pegging our self-improvement target to 1% daily should be peanuts, right?  And if we replicate that 1% improvement the next day, the next next day till the end of the year, can we agree that roughly, we would have improved more than 300% [VERY EASILY] without significantly reinventing📗📙📘

The results should NOT surprise you, honestly because while 1% may seem insignificant on its own, small daily improvements compound over time to create astonishing results.  This is what studies coined as the power of that 1% RULE, that so simple yet profound idea that continuous incremental progress adds up to major changes.  And this cuts across your health, career, relationships, finances etc✅✅✅

Now, as much as we've heard a zillion times that we should be CONTENT in life, that just DOESN'T apply to our self improvements.  BTW, the 1% RULE is about progress, NOT perfection. You DON'T need really massive breakthroughs as long as we focus on incremental improvements.  So, you might ask, WHY focus on small daily improvements?  First off, trying to change TOO MUCH TOO FAST is simply overwhelming, and frankly, unrealistic.  Radical short-term change rarely sticks, in fact❌❌❌

Let's take plants as an simple example.  A dying plant, once nurtured and watered patiently, gets a fair good chance of improving from its withering state, maybe approximately by 1% daily until it reaches its healthy state all over again.  And that 1% RULE takes the pressure off us.  WHY?  You DON'T have to be bothered with a 20% or 50% incremental improvement come next day [because that's just NOT doable].  By breaking big goals down into smaller pieces, change feels easier.  And HABITS and MINDSETS solidify through repetition.  Consistency matters more than intensity when forming habits.  And achieving SMALL WINS gives you a sense of progress and that momentum will continue to boost your confidence.  So my ask, dude, CAN WE IMPROVE % DAILY?  Absolutely YES❗❗❗

Boundaries In Life

Boundaries In Life

Living life with transparency and as an OPEN BOOK will be appreciated by everyone [and NO one will complain] BUT in living our personal life, it CAN'T run that way unconditionally.  Boundaries In Life need to be set and demarcated.  WHY?  In two words, to protect our well-being but that encompasses all the gamut in life, e.g. emotional, financial, physical, intellect and it DOESN'T even stop there💵💴💷

Challenge is, some of us simply want to please others, even if it means breaching their own personal boundaries.  NOT being able to set healthy BOUNDARIES can be related to common issues like low self-esteem, needing approval from others, learned helplessness OR the fear of being rejected OR criticized.  Frankly, I used to be that person unable to draw boundaries📗📙📘

WHY?  Not to blame my culture but I grew up in that kind of culture wherein saying NO is a NO-NO.  And if you meant to say NO, least you can do is to give a 'middle of the road' response that's neither here NOR there.  NOT to bad-mouth others but people will always be people.  UNTIL you say otherwise, they might take advantage of your help, kindness, pain, knowledge OR even your ignorance📌📌📌

Sadly, there are even people WHO will NEVER respect your boundaries, regardless as to HOW much you enforce them.  They WON'T listen to WHAT you have to say or act accordingly.   BUT hey, at that point, the problem is THEM and NOT you.  People WHO DON'T know how to respect other people's boundaries lack self-esteem in their lives and will project it on you shamelessly anytime.  BUT hey, there is a reason  why BOUNDARIES are imperative✅✅✅

Long time back, even while I was in High School, NO one knew my preferred course in the university.  And when I plotted my almost seamless immigration to Singapore, NO ONE was aware of it.  WHY?  Because I need that space protected by the boundary that gives me the privacy I deserve.  With social media running berserk, your most confidential info can spread like the Australian bush fires UNLESS you set your BOUNDARIES IN LIFE❗❗❗