If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY !

If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY !

Life is a world of choices, alternatives and options.  So this explains our topsy-turvy world of bedlam, confusion and judgment calls that go awry.  Lesson being told by our mentors over and over again:  If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY !  And that's the riddle in our life, figuring out if a choice or an option is  'Net Positive' because honestly, this is really easier said than done because this is not a matter of X's and O's but instead of lot more of what have you and what you won't have.

Finding the 'Net Positive' is even akin to separating the chaff from the grain because more often, you can see the chaff versus the grain but separating both would entail enormous efforts and time.  Remember those times when you were searching for a relationship but ending up in a quandary because separating the Positive versus the Negative, the UPsides versus the DOWNsides makes things so complex closer like rocket science.

As life is full of choices, some are easy such as what to have for dinner and other choices are more serious ones, like deciding which career path to take.  Regardless, good decision skills are useful in life especially if you feel indecisive about something and it's getting you down.  So how do we go about life ?

When faced with a tough decision, it's common if we feel either overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, pressured, confused, distracted or even listless or tired.  What's the way out of all these symptoms ?  It's making the best decisions in life because that will make you immune from all these negative symptoms.  So how do we then find the  'Net Positive' ?  GIVE YOURSELF TIME. It's tough to decide when under pressure and quite often, your best idea isn't the best one.

WEIGH the PROs and CONs.  When we are pressured to make big decisions, quite often we do not see the big picture.  THINK ABOUT YOUR GOALS and VALUES.  When you factor into a decision the things that are important to you, the best option might become obvious.  CONSIDER ALL THE POSSIBILITIES.  When considering options, besides positives and negatives, consider the likely consequences.  Bottomline, If It is NOT 'Net Positive', STAY AWAY ✅✅✅

Jumping to Conclusion

Jumping to Conclusion

How often have we witnessed or actually endured or experienced Jumping to Conclusions on a first-hand basis ?  Surely, we can't count the numerous times people [and that includes me in the past] will jump prematurely to their own conclusion, more often, faster than the speed lightning strikes.  And the most regrettable of our human tendency Jumping to Conclusions is that situations go from bad to worse, small problems balloon to become complex problems leading us all to a crisis.  How many times have we seen relationships break up, commitments flounder and businesses fall flat all due to Jumping to Conclusions ?

So here we are indeed with a huge problem, when everyone seems to be Jumping to Conclusions prematurely ?  Let's put ourselves on the receiving end, if we are a job seeker and here we are for our final interview.  And the result was ?  We failed in the job interview.  For various plausible reasons, it could explain why we failed that job interview.  But what if the interviewer gave you a THUMBS DOWN simply because of your body language ?

What happens when people are Jumping to Conclusions ?  They speculate, assume, guess, estimate, wonder, infer, suspect, presume, theorize.  Name it they have it.  They will prematurely shape up their conclusion about based on snippets of data that are on hand.  Is this fair, just and reasonable ?  I'll be the first to scream NOHHHHHHHHHH because I really loathe this Jumping to Conclusions because it does not give a true and correct picture of the person being judged.  Instead, the conclusions end up as either distorted or worst convoluted and far from truth.

Jumping to Conclusions is that detestable thing we still happening.  Don't we value more relationships and even go to the extent of jumping from the frying pan to the fire by Jumping to Conclusions ?  Meanwhile, the most we can do is to assess what we can do from within us in a proactive way even before people around us start Jumping to Conclusions.  

The main way to avoid jumping to conclusions is to conduct a valid, evidence-based reasoning process instead of intuitive judgments based on insufficient information.  A lot of these can be averted if we avoid favoring a single hypothesis Jumping to Conclusions may not be as prevalent and as rampant as it has been now.  At the very least, we can do our part to minimize Jumping to Conclusions ❗❗❗

DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be

DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be

How often have we heard highly conflicting stories that end up squeezing a person between an immovable influence in his/her life and a wall at that ? Who has not heard of spine-tingling stories that a parent kept insisting that his/her child should pursue this calling or that vocation ?  Or parents [unwittingly] pushing his/her child against the wall because they want him/her to be what their eldest sibling ended up with ?  And what's the failure rate for people pushed against the wall ?  Quite high, to be honest.  Such failures even exceed the 80% threshold.  Why do we think all these keep hounding us over and over again ?  It's because we are unable to realize that all we need to do and to be is DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be.

I have seen families where one sibling was etching his mark in his career, and finally realizing the typical success milestones, a home, a car and a budding career at that.  Then you would hear the parents pushing the younger brood to follow the footsteps of the eldest.  But hey, we are unique from each other.  Not even the Siamese Twins can be almost identical inside out.  But as the stereo typed story goes, the younger siblings literally toe the line, in their earnest desire to appease the parents, they pour it out but frequently, they fall short of the expectations.

Let us not be a square peg in a round hole, much the way the seaman was left high and dry because he pursued things not his liking but more because he was stepping into the shoes of someone who is NOT him.  And even if we fret, we will always end up with that miserable ending of a story unless and until we embrace this mantra: DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be.  I even had cousins before who's only option is to pursue the vocation their mother dictated ever since their eldest brother was ordained a priest.  Net result, out of four brothers, only the eldest became a priest.

Remember, if by blood we may be cut from the same cloth, it doesn't follow that our future will be identical enough as dictated upon by the influencers in our life.  That runway of life, ours remains unique from each other.  Even prior to our takeoff,  how high and far can we go can only be shaped by us.

Let's swing into real-life scenarios.  More often, we seem attracted by the role or position in the organization because we see someone successful enough.  But hey, it's grossly unfair if you will succumb to that ambition to be a manager because that successful manager has definitely unique capabilities, quite apart from yours.  You might be a dyed-in-the-wool techie so, please pursue that track instead of envisioning to be manager sans the skills/capabilities required from a manager.  Just DON'T Be What You DON'T Want to Be.   ✅✅✅

Don't Price Yourself Out of the Market

Don't Price Yourself Out of the Market

Everyone once in a while, it is you, it is us who will decide on our own fate.  You can be seeking a long-term relationship.  Or you can be a jobseeker.  Or you can be an entrepreneur.  Either way, you will reach points wherein you need to Price Yourself vis-a-vis the Market.  You might be playing a 'hard to get' single.  Or you might be overly angling for a salary level based on your expectation.  Or you could be an overly ambitious businessman trying to up the ante of his cash register.  Nothing wrong if you Price Yourself Out of the Market and that is fine as long as you don't regret yourself for holding to an empty bag by end of day.

Any third party will be hard pressed to question you the way you price yourself in the market because you are yourself's best salesman.  Who are we to question your pricing ?  But if you end up holding an empty bag, who else is the culprit for that dilemma ?  So, our constant challenge in life is how to make ourself competitive enough by not 'hugging the cellar' but on the other hand, please Don't Price Yourself Out of the Market.

If there is a ground rule #1, it is STANDING OUT FROM THE CROWD.  Regardless of the community you are in now, you will be always part of a crowd and that's a huge challenge.  How can you STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD ?  But this is a question that is not like a steep mountain to climb.  Identifying your most sterling capabilities and beating your chest out for everyone's awareness is all that you need to take.  

Remember, by nature, man is an egoist, so self-centered and in a nutshell, selfish enough.  Why expect Tom, Dick and Harry to keep tab of your capabilities and ace cards in life ?  When they themselves are busy enough trying to package themselves up, bundling themselves with various add-ons because at the end of the day, they would want to be the best product that is most viable from the market.

So what's the trick ?  These high flyers will spice up themselves by bundling various VALUE-ADDs and ADD-ONs without the target party asking for it.  Imagine if you're a jobseeker so besides your technical skills, you push up your attitude, your positive mindset, your end to end sense of responsibility ?  That certainly did not Price Yourself Out of the Market but instead, it put you in the radar of the stakeholders.  Any takers ❓❓❓

 

Going From the Frying Pan to the Fire

Going From the Frying Pan to the Fire

Who wants to Go From the Frying Pan to the Fire?  I guess no one would, right ?  But would you believe that many of us still go through that wringer despite all the downsides ?  Putting your foot down, stamping down an action. Cutting off and ending a relationship.  Burning bridges like when you are about to hop from one job to another.  Severing all business relationships when your business hits rough waters.  Abandoning a cause or initiative which originally you totally embraced but have now left it in total abandonment.  Much as we don't want all these to happen, they do happen.

For the most part, the advice 'never burn bridges' is a good advice but there will be always exceptions.  Like, some bridges really need to be burned ?  Sometimes for your own sake, you need to take a stand.  BTW, burning a bridge entails taking a risk which you get exposed to.  If you tell your boss that you're leaving your job because you can't subscribe to your boss' brand of business ethics, you'll burn a bridge.  But do you care to cross this bridge ?

Your boss may be a horrible manager [to your perception] who treats employees like dirt and rips off your customers.  You might worry about telling your boss the truth because somewhere in the distant future, you might run into your boss again.  So what ?  Do you really think that in this wide world, you're going to find yourself in a position where this one sleazy person's opinion of you matters ? Hmmmm, if you never speak the truth, your truth-telling muscles won't grow.

The thing is, you can't spend your whole life trying to avoid this risk.  There is risk even in just crossing the street.  the more truths you tell, the more risks you will take.  And the more risks you take, the stronger you will become.  That's the stark truth.  So, to Go From the Frying Pan to the Fire is not that akin to a no man's land.  Truth is, there are people stuck in fear all over the place.

Thing is, we cannot waste our precious brain and heart cells worrying whether a person will like you or not years in the future.  You just need to focus on your own path.  No matter what you do, some people will continue to like you and some will not.  Your goal then is to find those PEOPLE WHO RESONATE INTO YOUR FREQUENCY and not just to placate and appease everyone else around you.  If and when you Go From the Frying Pan to the Fire, assess the situation a zillion times please ⏳⌛⏳

Turn Your BAD Anxiety to GOOD Anxiety

Turn Your BAD Anxiety to GOOD Anxiety

Oh, there's just no way we can't run away from some harsh realities in life.  In fact, as the cliche goes, you can run but you can't run away.  Especially where Anxiety matters.  And this is where a bit of confusion pops up due to various [opposing views] with regard Anxiety but did we know that we can Turn Your BAD Anxiety to GOOD Anxiety ?  This may not be llike turning garbage into gold but somehow it is.

But before we start attacking the problem itself, it behooves that we figure out what normally causes Anxiety and there's quite a lot of them.  A big event or even a buildup of smaller stressful life situations may trigger excessive anxiety.  A death in the family.  Work stress.  Financial worries.  Yes, even personalities itself cause anxiety because people with certain kind of personality types are more prone to anxiety disorders than others.  

Just sharing a bit of the obvious here because this is no rocket science at all.  Taking TIME OUT is the easiest way.  Taking a respite gives us that breathing room, literally speaking.  When you are gasping for breath, for oxygen, take a break, period.  If you ignore this very basic practice, not to scare you but you could be missing the boat.

Eating a well-balanced meal is often ignored.  Your intake, the good and bad of it, will carry a heavy weight when it pertains to Anxiety.  Oh, alcohol and caffeine, these are common triggers of aggravating anxiety and worst, it can cause panic attacks.  Enough sleep is not to be ignored as well.  What shape of health do you expect if you hit the sack at midnight or even in the wee hours of the morning ?  

Cut down on smoking.  Cut down on alcohol.  Or at the very least, cut down significantly on these as there is hard sell needed for this.  Lastly, get into stress management and even relaxation techniques.  And if you embroiled into a specific disorder, look into that disorder.  You have to attack and manage it head-on.  Ignoring it will turn things from bad to worse.  At the end of the day, by pursuing all these measures, we should be nursing hopes to TURN BAD ANXIETY to GOOD ANXIETY ✅✅✅

Are You Off the BEATEN PATH ?

Are You Off the BEATEN PATH ?

We may keep pounding that life is lived on the highways but there are numerous times when we seem travelling Off the BEATEN PATH.  And that's normal and expected.  Many times in our life, we even seem to be threading along even if there is no dirt road, no trail to even guide us.  And it's not our choice but once we are  Off the BEATEN PATH, we need to be aware that managing our daily life is very different when we are Off the BEATEN PATH.

it is when we are Off the BEATEN PATH when the rules of the game entirely change.  These are circumstances when the unexpected and the unknown would creep in.  These are the episodes in life when we get into the UNKNOWN, wherein most of our assumptions are more likely 'GUESSTIMATES' more than anything else  What we should focus now is on the ground rules when the circumstances have totally changed, when you start to be threading in uncharted territory, into unknown waters so to speak.

Yesirrrrs this poster is spot on.  WE CAN'T CONTROL THE WIND BUT WE CAN DIRECT THE SAILS.  And in our life, this is all what matters.  We can only control what we can but that's the crucial piece there.  Never miss out CONTROLLING WHAT YOU CAN because otherwise, you will lose by default, and that could be a huge loss.  I bear witness on a first person account numerous cases when a person was indeed cruising rough waters but nothing was lost because he can still CONTROL WHAT HE CAN.  Unfortunately, he dragged his feet way too long.

Graduating from the university is a classic example of getting Off the BEATEN PATH.  After sixteen years in the academe, you are suddenly thrown in the high seas for you to find your niche.  But this is easier said than done because at that point in time, fresh grads hardly have any credentials to boot.

How do we go from that point when we're Off the BEATEN PATH ?  Firstly, you need to know your interests, your passion.  It all starts there.  Taking an extra step, identify the problems you can resolve at that moment.  Thirdly, look around the 'competition'.  Remember we are in a 'RAT RACE'.  By benchmarking with the market you are in, you can tweak your goals.  With your bagful of ideas which may be raw, test it, TEST THE WATERS,  From there you can gauge your capability and your shortfall as well ❗❗❗

Keeping Afloat

Keeping Afloat

Is Keeping Afloat worth our discussion ?  Absolutely.  The reason is that there have been one too many casualties who got drowned simply because he failed to Keep Afloat  So, the most basic question now is how can we Keep Afloat ?  Again, this is no simple A-B-C but if we hue to the sound fundamentals of containing life's challenges, we have a china man's chance.  

First things first.  we need to embrace RESILIENCE. Simply put, resilience is defined as that capacity to recover from difficult circumstances in our life.  That is our ability to withstand adversity and BOUNCE BACK and grow and move forward despite life's downturns.   BTW, resilience is NOT a trampoline where you're down one moment and up the next.  Instead, it's more akin to climbing the mountain without a trail map.

While resilience is a theory, let's go down to real-life experiences such as illness, loss of a loved one, abuse, bullying, job loss and even financial instability. There is that shared reality if tragic events in the news such as terrorist attacks, mass shooting and natural disasters.  People have to learn to cope with and work through very challenging life experiences to Keep Afloat. The resilience theory refers to the ideas surrounding how people are affected by and adapt to things like adversity, change, loss and various risks.

Being resilient does NOT mean that people don't and won't experience stress, emotional upheaval and suffering.  Some people equate resilience with mental toughness but demonstrating resilience includes working through emotional pain and suffering.  Resilience is NOT a fixed trait.  Flexibility, adaptability and perseverance can help people tap into their

resilience by changing certain thoughts and behaviors.  Research shows that students who believed that both intellectual abilities and social attributes can be developed showed a lower stress response to adversity and improved performance.  Key factors of resilience will lead us to deeper discussions but it's worth scratching the surface by stating that there isn't a simple TO-DO List to work through adversity. But never ignore your SUPPORT STRUCTURE because that will be at the very core so you can Keep Afloat and not get drowned ✅✅✅

Crossing the Rubicon

Crossing the Rubicon

A bit of Roman Empire history here.  During the Roman Republic, the Rubicon River was the boundary between the Roman province of Gaul and Italy Proper [controlled by Rome and its allies].  When Julius Caesar Crossed the Rubicon, that precipitated the Roman Civil War which then led to Julius Caesar becoming a dictator for life.  In our life, surely we have had our fair share of Rubicon Rivers which crossing we either avoided or ignored because doing so would mean taking a drastic and ultimate action which from our options and choices would seem to be one of our last preferred cards to play.

If you never had that Crossing the Rubicon experience in your life, not to worry, you would have one within your lifetime.  Those are the crossroads in our life which we dread to cross if at all for many reasons.  But the overriding reason we really dreaded Crossing the Rubicon was the risks staring right in our face, risks which we were so hard press to mitigate, if at all.  And that risk is the NO U TURN circumstance.  Any takers ?

Just like the DMZ [Demilitarized] Zone that divides North and South Korea.  No one just dares to cross that DMZ because you'll be shot dead on the spot.  But despite the horror stories of fatalities in their desperation to escape from North Korea, there have a handful who did Crossed the Rubicon.  What could have pushed them ?  Likely, that was the only time to really Cross the Rubicon.

REGRET. GUILT. SHAME.  These are three of the darkest emotions. any human will ever experience.  And all of us did feel any or all of these at various points in our life [especially after making a 'bad' decision].  In truth and in fact, there are some situations where we try to rewind the situations and DELETE it ! In reality though, there are infinite number of reasons we should never regret any of the decisions we have made in our life.

Instead, let us LIVE WITH WHAT WE HAVE because every decision gives you that single opportunity to take credit for creating your own life.  By making any decision involving your heart, you have the chance to create more love in the world by creating more love by spreading yours.  By experiencing the disappointment that might come with a decision's outcome, you can propel yourself up ✅✅✅

When Mayhem Strikes

When Mayhem Strikes

Who says life will be so damn good ?  Tell it to the marines and you'll here a dose of their own medicine.  So, who should be flabbergasted When Mayhem Strikes ?  We should be the last one to be that surprised though.  It's a given that life is a combination of UPs and DOWNs with likely more DOWNs than UPs combined with those zigs and zags.  But you might challenge me.  If life has more DOWNs than UPs, how come until today, we're all still standing on our own feet ?

And it's unfortunate a big chunk of the mayhem in life are sometimes force majeure, way beyond our control but there is a fair share of mayhem when and where we are in control or at the very least, we could factor in to influence the way things shape up, and down to its outcome.  Remember those points in our life when we wanted to do so many things all at the same time ?  Those times when we felt we are 'superman' enough to juggle things up concurrently ?  That's when MAYHEM STRIKES.

At some points in our life, we all had our own mess in life.  Either your home was a mess, like your partner/spouse not talking to you at all.  Or your work life seems out of control and in an uncontrollable skid.  Or your social relationships not going your way.  Problem, once we are at that crucial point, we will be hard pressed to know WHERE TO START.  By that point, we can't disagree that MAYHEM STRIKES our life. 

Too bad there is no quick fix when MAYHEM STRIKES but don't despair, we can still turn things around.  How? Let us recognize the mess we're in.  If you tell yourself EVERYTHING IS FINE, then there is NOTHING TO FIX.  The moment you don't prioritize dealing with your problems is the moment you lose.  It's possible to get through your days even though your life is a mess.  Maybe everything looks alright from the outside but day by day, you will end up more anxious and depressed until it finally hits you all at once.  Maybe you're not at a breaking point yet but I'm afraid you will get there if you keep ignoring the mess.

For things you are OUT of CONTROL, you gotta know it and LET IT GO.  When your life seems a mess, it often comes down to a lot of things around us that aren't going the way they are supposed to.  Start out by figuring out exactly where it all seems to go wrong.  Sit down and write down everything.  By writing it down, you will be able to get a good look at your messy life.  WHEN MAYHEM STRIKES, let us strike as well ❗❗❗